Chapter Text
Kisame hoisted a large bundle out of the bed of Itachi’s truck, setting it over one tanned shoulder as he carried it onto the campsite. He was relieved that they'd been the first to arrive. He knew he was a bit of a control freak when it came to spending time outdoors, but it was only because of a few really bad experiences in his teenage years. Itachi was more than happy to let him manage the set-up. The Uchiha had been to the hospital a few times in the last month for treatments, and this was why Kisame suggested the trip in the first place. He hoped it would do Itachi some good to get out and breathe fresh air.
Itachi watched as Kisame opened the bundle and began to assemble the tent poles. He had been told to take it easy, but it was difficult to sit back and not help. With a sigh, he ruffled his fingers through the brown-and-black fur of the large German Shepherd laying in front of him. The dog made a noise of contentment when Itachi scratched just behind his left ear. The man smiled softly and leaned forward, resting his head on the dog’s back and wrapping his arms around his neck. “You've got one stubborn dad, ‘Hada,” he complained in a voice low enough for the two of them alone to hear. The dog responded by licking Itachi’s forearm.
A moment later, Itachi was flung back onto the ground. The dog stood in front of him, bristling and giving a low, warning growl. Itachi sat back up in time to see another car pull up. It seemed to be on its last legs, and the way it stuttered when it shut off wasn’t a testament to its health. From the driver’s side, Hidan stepped out and stretched. “Fuck, that was a long-ass drive!”
“You got us lost,” Kakuzu snapped, slamming the passenger door behind him. “Twice.”
“Ah, come on, it ain’t that big a deal.”
“It wouldn’t be if you didn’t fight with the goddamned Garmin, hn,” Deidara scowled at his roommate before joining Sasori at the trunk. Sasori came away with a backpack and a few bags of groceries. Deidara, however, had packed a large duffel bag, which was heavy enough that he couldn’t carry much else.
Hidan dropped his bag by the table and walked toward Itachi. “Damn, you’re pretty,” he crooned to the dog. He extended a hand, only to draw it back when his gesture was met with a snarl.
“Samehada! Down!” Kisame snapped. The dog faltered but obeyed. He lay back down in front of Itachi, his eyes never leaving Hidan, and his chest rumbling in a low growl. “Sorry,” Kisame called, “he doesn’t normally do that. Give him a minute, and he’ll warm up to you.”
“If it doesn’t like people, why the fuck’d you bring it?” Hidan protested, careful not to turn his back.
“He’s a service animal,” Itachi answered for Kisame.
“Well, then, why doesn’t he have one of those fuckin’ vests or some shit?”
“He’s not working right now. He knows the difference, and there’s no reason for him to be in work-mode right now. If something happens, he’ll respond, but he doesn’t need to keep watch.”
“What’s he do, hn?” Deidara tilted his head to the side.
Sasori walked past the blonde and crouched down, giving the dog a scratch on the head. “He’s a therapy dog. Kisame brings him over sometimes when Itachi doesn’t feel great. If he was working, he might not have growled at Hidan the way he did. Or maybe he would have, if he thinks he’s a threat.”
“He loves Itachi more than he does me, sometimes,” Kisame chuckled as he joined the group. “Don’t ‘cha?” Samehada’s tail beat against the ground. “He’s a good dog, but he doesn’t really like strangers, which is why I was able to adopt him. It’s not exactly model behavior for a service animal. He remembers his training; he’s just picky.”
“So why the fuck does Sasori get to pet him?”
“He told you; Samehada is at our apartment quite a bit,” Itachi reminded him. “He’s had plenty of time to get acclimated to Sasori. Deidara, too, to a lesser extent.”
“So I’m the only son of a bitch this asshole doesn’t like?!”
As if he could understand, Samehada flattened his ears and gave a low rumble. Kisame whistled sharply, and the dog followed by his side as he walked away, getting back to the tent he needed to finish setting up. Hidan started to aid Kakuzu, and he was promptly told to go sit down somewhere he couldn’t ruin anything. Deidara, meanwhile, seemed to be on the verge of tears when the tent pole wouldn’t bend the way it needed to.
Itachi wanted to make himself useful; he pushed himself up off the ground and walked over to the picnic table. His long fingernails easily tore open the plastic bags of ice, which he dumped into Kisame’s large cooler. All of their perishables were then tucked safely away from the mid-afternoon heat. He made sure to stuff in some beer and sodas from the cardboard packages, along with a few bottles of water for himself. Although he appreciated Kisame’s concern, keeping track of his water intake seemed a little excessive. Yet, he meant well, which is more than could be said for most of his friends.
“Where’s the outlet, hn?!” Deidara complained loudly.
“There isn’t one. We didn’t pay the extra fee for electricity,” Kakuzu informed him flatly, never taking his eyes off of the task at hand.
“Well then how the fuck am I supposed to inflate my air mattress?!”
Kakuzu smirked as he spared him a glance. “Blow.”
Deidara paled before flushing red in anger. Sasori blew air out of his nose. “No one brings an air mattress to camp. Didn’t you bring a sleeping bag?”
“No, because I fucking thought I was going to have a goddamned air mattress!”
“Don’t blow a blood vessel, Princess,” Hidan sneered.
Sasori pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, fine, we’ll do this. Lay the uninflated mattress on the floor of the tent. We’ll unzip my sleeping bag and lay it over it. Then, we can use whatever blankets you brought. Happy?”
“No, hn,” Deidara pouted, but he knew that he wasn’t going to get a better solution.
“Shut up and help me put this in,” Sasori snapped impatiently, nodding to the other end of the tent pole.
“That’s what she said,” Hidan howled, laughing loudly to himself. Kakuzu gave him a swift slap upside the head, which made him bite his tongue.
“‘Tachi, bring our stuff, will you?” Kisame asked, drawing the Uchiha’s attention back to him. He obliged, grabbing their bags and bringing them to the freshly-assembled tent. Kisame took them and set them down inside, taking a second to unroll their sleeping bags before zipping up the mesh barrier to keep out the insects. In his hand, he held a shallow bowl, which he set down near the tent. He upended the rest of his water bottle into the bowl, and Samehada drank happily.
“Just let me have it!” Deidara exclaimed, drawing everyone's attention to his tent. Sasori stood in front of the door, his arms crossed. Deidara was in front of him, holding a large body pillow.
“We have a two person tent. I already have to be closer to you than I want. That pillow isn't coming in. Put it back in the car.”
“But I need it to sleep!”
“Too bad.”
“Just let him have the damned pillow,” Hidan snapped.
“No. I've already let him have too much. I have to draw the line somewhere.”
“Deidara, be reasonable,” Kisame ordered.
“I don't think he can be,” Sasori hissed.
“Fuck you, hn! See if I don't smother you in your sleep!”
“I'd like to see you try.”
“Get a tent,” Kakuzu’s gravelly voice broke the mounting tension. Hidan was overjoyed that the stoic miser had finally given into the dynamic of the group. Deidara opened and closed his mouth, teal eyes wide in surprise and anger. Sasori, to his credit, turned his back on the scene and began to walk away.
“Do what you want.”
“I will!” Deidara bristled, standing a little taller at his perceived victory. He made a lewd gesture at Sasori’s retreating form.
Kisame rubbed his forehead with the fingers of one hand, stifling a sigh. This was going to be a very long weekend.
“The fuck is this?” Hidan demanded, looking down at the fishing rod in his hands. He looked up, violet eyes narrowed at Kisame, looking as though he had been fundamentally harmed.
“It's a fishing pole, idiot,” Kakuzu drawled, preemptively plugging the ear closest to Hidan to muffle the impending storm of expletives that was sure to follow.
“I fucking know what a goddamned fishing pole is you-”
“We need to catch our dinner,” Kisame interrupted. “Keep that up, and you'll scare the fish away. Now come on.” With a wave of his hand, the large, tanned man led his merry band of misfits away from the campsite, down a forest trail that led to the lake. Hidan and Kakuzu followed first, and Sasori and Deidara walked behind. Itachi brought up the rear with Samehada, who had the handle of Kisame’s tackle box between his jaws.
“Here's as good a place as any.” Kisame turned around and whistled. Samehada bounded forward, bringing his master the box, wagging his tail all the while. “Catch just enough to feed us tonight,” he reminded his friends. He knelt on the bank and opened the tackle box, passing out the necessary supplies. “You'll have to share bait.” Beneath his words lay a warning: play nice. For his troubles, Samehada was rewarded with a dog bone, which he plucked gingerly from Kisame’s hand.
Kakuzu, somehow, was knowledgeable enough to help Hidan set up his rod. Once he completed the task, he instructed, “Now go to the other side of the bank. That way, when you shout, you’ll hopefully chase the fish our way.” Hidan punched him in the shoulder, to which Kakuzu retaliated with a chop to his throat. Hidan gagged and dropped his pole, which Hidan caught for him as he completed his coughing fit. Hidan snatched the pole back and snarled like an animal, stubbornly sitting on the bank where he stood.
“You can’t cast from down there.”
“Watch me, jackass.”
Sasori paused to watch Kakuzu help Hidan untangle his line from a nearby thorn bush. Deidara was throwing one of his I-can-do-it-by-myself tantrums, and it was only a matter of time before he asked for help. Although he was bleeding from several pinpricks on his fingertips, Deidara finally secured the hook to the end of his line. “Okay, so then just put the bait on?” he asked with an air of confidence, which only betrayed his ignorance on the subject.
“Yeah.” Sasori reached down and picked up the small, white plastic container. His slim fingers popped open the lid to reveal several live worms writhing around in packed soil. Deidara screeched a noise of surprise and took an instinctive step back. “What? Just take one.”
“And why the fuck would I do that, hn?!”
“Bait. It’s your bait, Deidara.”
“But it’s alive!”
“Yes. The fish are attracted to the movement.” Sasori did his best not to roll his eyes. “You didn’t actually think it’d be dead, did you?” Deidara huffed and didn’t respond verbally. “Watch me. Just take one,” Sasori dug his thumb and index fingers into the dirt to pull out a worm, “and spear it on your hook.”
Deidara went pale. “Can it feel that, hn?”
Sasori arched one red eyebrow and asked with uncharacteristic patience, “Deidara, what do you think happens to the fish when we catch them?”
“No! Fuck this, hn!” Deidara dropped his pole and stepped backward, shaking his head so hard that his blonde bangs sprayed across his face. His heel caught a piece of driftwood and he stumbled. Sasori didn’t have time to react before his companion was on his ass in the shallow lake water, disgust and horror painted over his face. He almost looked like he was about to scream.
Hidan had taken notice of the situation and was laughing so hard that he had to sit down, kicking his legs as he rolled on the bank. Unfortunately for Deidara, the incident hadn’t escaped anyone’s notice. Red-faced and enraged, the soaking-wet blonde gathered himself and what little of his dignity remained, standing up and trudging through the shallows back to the bank.
“Where are you going?” Sasori’s tone was even, but the small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips was more aggravating than Hidan’s outburst.
“Fuck you, hn. I’m going to shower.”
“There aren’t any showers here,” Kisame grimaced. “Most people bathe in the lake.”
Steam was about to pour from Deidara’s ears. His voice began to rise with each syllable. “How the fuck am I supposed to wash off this stink if the only place I can do it is in the motherfucking lake?!” He ended in a screech.
“The lake is from a spring, Deidara. You can see the bottom,” Sasori informed him, nodding at the pristine water. “It’s probably cleaner than any water you’d get from a communal showerhead.”
With no options open to him, Deidara reached over his shoulders and pulled his damp shirt over his head. “Well, I’m not going to bathe in the lake in the daytime around you perverts, hn.” He draped his shirt over a low-hanging branch and let his hair down, hoping that it would dry more quickly. “And I’m not fucking fishing.”
“Whatever you say, Princess,” Hidan chortled.