Work Text:
Carlos wanted Cecil.
Before he arrived in Night Vale, Carlos had wanted to work. His work was what he got off on, by making it as perfect as possible, following all the protocols. His work was what he relied upon, what made him get up in the mornings, the reason to go to sleep, eat and socialize. When he went to the gym he did so to have more energy – so he could work for longer streaks of time. When he went to a party he looked for people who maybe had interesting genes or weird hair, or had rich parents who could influence the the board to give him grants in the future. When asked, he could not stop talking about the latest animal he dissected or studied. He lived and breathed his research, day and night.
After he'd arrived in Night Vale, just one day after, it had all gone out the window. He could still feel that want for research, as strong as ever, it hadn't been replaced, but a more powerful need had been put on top of it, like a net of Christmas lights that lit up his brain in places he didn't even know existed. Maybe he was a late bloomer, maybe something had changed on that day where he shattered and Cecil talked him into staying together.
After meeting Cecil, he still wanted to work and research. It was just that he wanted Cecil more.
Carlos missed the hands that had caressed his hair. He missed the rosy cheeks and the cool touch of Cecil's hands on Carlos'. But mostly he missed his voice.
Now, Carlos always listened to the radio. Every day at noon Cecil's voice would fill the lab with the dark, vibrating voice, thick like syrup. The other scientists always wrinkled their noses when Cecil's show came on. They questioned Carlos taste and chose to leave for lunch at those times. Carlos didn't mind, he was very happy to listen on his own. It sated his want for Cecil so that he could focus at the tasks at hand. Because there was so many things going on in this town. Over the following days, he discovered that time worked differently, that surprisingly many of the Night Vale residents were human, and that many of them enjoyed listening to Cecil as well. It made him a little jealous but he couldn't blame them really. Who, besides a crazy person, could say no to such a sweet voice?
It struck him a couple of days later, that he could use Cecil's show to send out warnings to the public, in the name of science, of course. Cecil seemed happy to help him out, even mentioning him in the show. Carlos blushed at all the praise he got, but it didn't feel the same as with those girls he met at university. He knew they expected things out of him that he couldn't return, but with Cecil...
Carlos weren't so sure about what Cecil wanted, though.
He did leave him a card, with his phone number and radio show on it. "But", Carlos thought more and more, "maybe the reason Cecil wanted to see him was just for professional reasons?" How could he know that Cecil just didn't want the first science scoop or angle on the new stories? After all, when Carlos told Cecil about the gray matter in the clocks, Cecil immediately talked about it on the show.
"When I for once am infatuated, it is only a sham!" Carlos thought. "I only met him once, and he just hit me with his bike. Why do I even care about this guy? I should forget about having anything but a work relationship with him. And also, who am I kidding? It is probably just a set-up to get more listeners. Like those fake sounds or funny voices other radio stations do.”
After that Carlos went back to work. He still listened but kept it on low volume. He tried to get out more with the other scientists, since weird stuff kept happening in the small town, but somehow everything kept reminding him of Cecil. The invisible girl at the mysterious house, for example, turned out to be one of Cecil's interns. Or, former intern. It was hard to keep track of them. Carlos still tried to ignore it and do his job. He couldn't refrain from thinking of Cecil, but he refused to be the butt of the joke that all the people of Night Vale apparently was in on. If Cecil wanted anything to do with him, he had to say it off the radio.
They still met sometimes, but it was almost always at the radio station, as Cecil spent so much of his time there: writing, eating, recruiting new interns, fighting the station management... Recording. Carlos wanted to say something every time, but seeing Cecil working was somewhat a religious experience and he didn't want to stick around and mess it up. Sometimes he stopped outside the doors for a moment, wanting to be let back inside and snuggled by that fantastic and remarkable person who resided there. Then he tore away, too confused to act on those feelings.
The other scientists gradually learned that there were more to Night Vale than met the eye. Carlos became their natural leader since he had known about Night Vales oddities the longest. The others also started to enjoy listening to Cecil, and teased Carlos relentlessly for all the times he was mentioned on the show. Carlos pretended to be mad at them but secretly adored the fact that he was mentioned by the most popular radio host in Night Vale. To be associated with Cecil gave him gravitas in a lot of the strange and dangerous situations the scientists got caught up in on a regular basis. They would never talk about it though, him and Cecil, Carlos maintaining that they only had a professional relationship. He would never call Cecil outside of work. Sometimes he thought about making stuff up just so they could meet, but decided against it since he felt bad about mocking Cecil's so outspoken feelings for him. He started to get that Cecil really did love him, and felt awkward about not knowing how he felt about it.
Then came the incident at Lane Five that almost got Carlos killed. After that he was shaking, shivering, his mind all curled up. And he knew exactly what would make him happy again.
He took the Apache Trackers car and drove. He called Cecil on the way and they met up at Arby's. Carlos was nervous when he started driving, and seeing Cecil made him almost want to run to him and stay there, as close as he could. One whole year of Cecil calling him perfect and wonderful and Carlos had just kept pushing him away, denying him. He didn't know how, but he had to make it work between them. He wanted to show Cecil how much he meant to him, how Cecil kept him afloat in the darkest hours of his life. He could not let himself screw this up.
Cecil asked, with hopeful eyes, what danger they were in now. Carlos heart sang with glee at that the radio host still wanted to go on adventures with him. But not today. Carlos blushed and looked down.
“I just needed to see you,” he said.
Cecil beamed at him. They sat silently on the car for a moment. Carlos was happy just being in Cecil's vicinity, allowing himself to feel all the feelings and at the same time not sure he could measure up to the wondrous Cecil Palmer, Voice of Night Vale. What could he possibly offer him, besides himself? He looked at the setting sun, trying to express his feelings in the best way possible.
“I used to think it was setting at the wrong time,” Carlos mumbled, still blushing, “but then I realized that time doesn't work in Night Vale, and that none of the clocks are real.”
He looked at Cecil, more exposed than he had ever felt.
“Sometimes things seem so strange, or malevolent, and then you find that, underneath, it was something else altogether. Something pure, and innocent.”
It had sounded better in his head. He looked Cecil in the eyes, desperately wondering if he understood what he meant. Cecil looked back at him like some one told him he had won the lottery, or that he'd never had to worry about anything again in his life. Or, like the love of his life just told him that he cared for him.
“I know what you mean” Cecil said, smiling at him.
They sat really close, Carlos could barely speak. His heart beat so fast. He needed to touch Cecil but didn't want to ruin the moment. He put his hand on Cecil's knee, asking for permission to touch him in doing so. Cecil moved closer to him and put his head on his shoulder. Carlos felt his eyes water up, maybe from the earlier shock of near death, maybe from pure happiness out of sitting on a car in the starlight with a man who loves you.
"What will happen now?" he said, after a while.
"Well", said Cecil, "you can come by my house tomorrow. I will cook you something nice. There might be wine if the government allows it."
"That sounds nice" Carlos said.