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English
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Part 22 of BeeTober 2017
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Published:
2018-02-09
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1,140
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1/1
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Lost

Summary:

He thought if Peter could fit into this, he sure as hell could as well, and so he stepped forward, making his way to the couch, and tried to ignore how Erica and Isaac briefly faltered in their steps before they worked around him.

He was accommodated, but not included, and Stiles felt lost. He didn’t know how to fix this.

Notes:

This was written for Inktober for Writers, day 22, and the word was 'lost'.

It's a continuation of the Inktober for Writers day 7, 'confusion'

Work Text:

Stiles had thought the pack withdrawal would disappear once he was back home with the pack, attending pack meetings like he should, but he was wrong.

Not everyone had gone away to college, and when he set foot into Derek’s loft it became apparent that they had a routine for this now.

Everyone seemed to have a place, a set of steps for them to go through, all of them circling their alpha and getting small touches and approving glances in return, and Stiles didn’t know how to fit in there.

Stiles stayed at the edges of this intricate dance, unwilling to break the pattern and disrupt everything, but he could feel the anger flare in him, could feel the disappointment nag at him and whenever there was a loud noise he jumped. It was even worse than last month.

After that first visit, Peter had come by regularly, always bringing excuses as to why he was there, and Stiles never called him out on it, but they both knew it wasn’t just for Stiles.

Sure, Stiles had done his research, knew everything about pack withdrawal for humans now, but he also knew that the same applied for wolves, even if they had a connection to their alpha.

Peter and Derek’s relationship had always been shaky at best and going by the tense set of his shoulders whenever Peter arrived at Stiles’ dorm, he was missing a real pack bond too.

“What are you doing?” Peter suddenly asked from his side and Stiles looked at him.

“What do you mean?”

“You should be mingling,” Peter said with a nod towards the pack. “You need it.”

“Like you do?” Stiles asked with a small frown, expecting the irritation to flare up again, but he found that he was calm.

“It’s not the same,” Peter offhandedly said and then stalked into the room, settling into the routine with the others and something in Stiles’ chest clenched at that.

He thought if Peter could fit into this, he sure as hell could as well, and so he stepped forward, making his way to the couch, and tried to ignore how Erica and Isaac briefly faltered in their steps before they worked around him.

He was accommodated, but not included, and Stiles felt lost. He didn’t know how to fix this.

The evening didn’t get better. It was like Stiles was imposing on a close-knit group, an outsider who was allowed to accompany them, but didn’t have an in, and Stiles wondered if it was just because he was human or if something else happened.

But then Lydia arrived and she fell into step with the others effortlessly, so it had to be something about Stiles.

He tried to push these thoughts away, and simply enjoy the evening, but it was hard. Everyone was making jokes, trash talking the movie they were watching, throwing popcorn around, and it was good. It was great, even, Stiles has missed his friends, but still, something was missing. Something that went deeper than the friendship he had with them, and with a start Stiles realized that he didn’t consider them pack anymore.

It was the reason he didn’t fit in anymore, couldn’t find his footing with them, and soon after that realization hit, he excused himself and left.

No one seemed overly concerned when he claimed to be tired, and when Stiles arrived at home, he could feel the tension in his shoulders again, feel the anger and irritation and anxiety well up again, so he buried his face in his blanket and pretended that the world didn’t exist.

He knew Peter was close before he even tapped against the window, because his feelings had settled and he felt much calmer, and it was only then that he realized that he considered Peter his pack now.

He motioned for the other man to come in, unwilling to stand up, but he did sit up on his bed and fixed Peter with a glare.

“Did you do it on purpose?” Stiles asked and to Peter’s credit he didn’t pretend like he didn’t know what Stiles was talking about.

“No. I didn’t. I always believed you need an alpha for a pack to work,” he told Stiles and leaned against the windowsill. “I’m sorry,” he admitted when Stiles glared at him some more and that caught Stiles off guard. “It makes everything more difficult, doesn’t it.”

“You’re my pack. But am I yours?” Stiles asked instead of answering Peter’s question and Peter looked at Stiles like he expected more.

“I haven’t attended a pack meeting since I first visited you,” he finally said and Stiles nodded while he mulled over his next words.

“Then it’s not that difficult,” he finally decided and patted the bed next to him. “You came to me when I needed you, like pack should, and you stayed. I mean, even before I went away, the others usually tried to keep me out of the loop, claiming it was too dangerous since I am only human, but asking me to do research anyway, so I guess I wasn’t pack as much as the others,” Stiles said and he knew he sounded bitter but he couldn’t help it.

“They are still your friends,” Peter told him, as he sat down on the bed and Stiles shrugged.

“Really? Because no one has visited me this semester. Derek and Scott call when they need something, or in Scott’s case when I guilt him into calling me. Lydia and me only talk math these days. Allison and I were never close and the betas don’t know me and I don’t really know them. Where does that scream friends to you?” he asked Peter and then sighed.

“It doesn’t matter, not really,” he mumbled and slumped against Peter. “You came and you stayed. I guess that makes us a pack of two.”

“I guess,” Peter agreed and rested his head on top of Stiles’. “I’m not sure my nephew will accept it that easily.”

“Well, he should have thought about that before, shouldn’t he. And besides. Do you wolves not have this freakish bond thing, which tells you when a pack mate leaves you? Shouldn’t he have noticed already anyway?”

“Yeah,” Peter admitted and then shrugged. “The bond wasn’t that strong to begin with.”

“Do we have a bond?” Stiles asked after a few seconds, not really afraid of the answer, because he could feel that Peter was pack, but nervous nonetheless.

“We do,” Peter answered and put an arm around Stiles. “And it’s strong.”

“Good,” Stiles said and then pushed Peter flat down onto his bed, so that he could rest his head on his chest and curl into his side. “That’s all we need,” he then declared and promptly dozed off when Peter sneaked an arm around his waist.

 

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