Chapter Text
My eyes stay fixed on the three freshly dug holes in the ground and with so many people gathered here to say their final goodbyes, I barely register Hazelle’s whispered voice. “Katniss dear, would you like to say anything before they start?” I shake my head. What good are words. They won’t bring them back.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust……”
I should have been there. I would have heard them coming. If only I didn’t choose that night to check the snares that Gale and I had set in the early hours of the morning? If only I stayed in bed. Maybe my body would be buried in the cold, wet ground as well. That would be better.
My trembling hand reaches inside my coat pocket as I recall those words that will forever haunt me. Fingers desperate in their search to touch the one thing that calms me. “For my dandelion, always.” The note attached never revealed its giver but as I grip tightly to the silver locket running my thumb ever-so gently over the intricate painting of a dandelion, I find what I need. How fitting the rain begins to fall so heavily now as I watch the remains of my family being lowered into the ground. The heavy drops mask the tears that I ashamedly try to hide. No one will ever see me cry.
After my family were brutally murdered, the house that I was born in was no longer mine. Repossessed with all evidence of that horrific night erased, readied for a new family to move in.
The murderers were never found. Peacekeepers reported that my father was warned that his illegal dealings in the hob would inevitably catch up to him.
But my father had no enemies. Everyone knew him to be a kind, honest and hardworking man. This was one of many lies Cray and his cronies spun to cover up something far beyond my comprehension. What little possessions my family owned were sold and the money given to the undertaker as full payment for my father, mother and sisters’ burial.
Gale’s mother Hazelle insisted I stay with them but this meant another mouth to feed. After his father was killed in a mining accident, Gale took his place and worked double shifts to help support his mother and siblings. The last thing they needed was an added burden. So, marrying a stranger from one of the richer districts or the Capitol seemed my only choice.
What options were there? I had no means to support myself other than hunting but that was becoming increasingly dangerous with the spate of recent floggings and hangings. People were scared to trade with me which made my situation even more precarious.
Even after the Hunger Games were abolished years ago, the Capitol kept its firm grip on each district insisting their Peacekeepers were there to enforce law and order. Sure, the reaping of our children ceased but the oppression of its people remains. There are whispered rumours of a revolution but that’s all they are…whispers.
Many women including those from the Capitol either died or became infertile after the ‘great sickness’ which left a huge demand for young, single and fertile women. The Capitol were quick to introduce the Mail-Order-Bride Initiative to combat the decrease in population. The decision to sign up was made easy and seemed the lesser of two evils after Head Peacekeeper Cray made his odious intentions clear to me.
As a token of the Capitol’s good will, I was given a small sum of coin for registering which I gladly gave to Hazelle. What I didn’t expect was to receive my summons at the end of the first week. I walked through the district in a haze...I'm going to the Capitol.
Saying my goodbyes to the Hawthorne’s was hard and the lonely walk to the train station even more so, as I stopped to take one last look around District 12. I have lived here for all my eighteen years and memories are all that’s left. There is nothing for me here.
“You don’t have to go through with this Katniss. Madge can get us into the Justice Building and file for a marriage licence. We can be married by the end of the day. It’s not too late.”
Gale rushed to meet me after his shift ended still trying to convince me to marry him. But I can’t let him sacrifice his happiness. It would be a debt I could never repay and we would hate each other in the end. His heart belongs to Madge and I could never allow my situation to come between them. He will always be the big brother that I never had and I know his future is with the kind, petite fair-haired girl waiting for him at the edge of town. As for me, my future awaits in the Capitol.
“It’s too late Gale. I was married to my husband by special proxy yesterday. It’s done!” I snap, cringing at my abruptness.
Gale stops in his tracks. “Who is it? Did they tell you?”
I shake my head. He knows the rule forbidding mail-order-brides from knowing the identity of their husbands until their first meeting. This became law and a guarantee that brides would not back out. The punishment for refusing to honour their contract was dealt with severely although it was unclear what that punishment was. These brides were never seen or heard from again.
“I’m sorry Katniss, I wish there was something I could have done.” Gale says.
“None of this is your fault and I appreciate your offer…I do but you need to go and be with Madge and have lots of babies.” I tell him, trying my best to sound positive.
Gale kisses the top of my head and hugs me tightly before releasing me. The whistle blows telling me it’s time to leave.
“I’ll write if I can.” I say as I board the train.
Taking my designated seat on the train, I look in astonishment at the opulence that surrounds me. The Capitol is out to make an impression. It's clear no expense has been spared as I take in the shining brass, crystal and mahogany tables overflowing with food. I suppose it's meant to ensure that the new initiative is successful but right now, I have no interest in it.
Looking out of the window as I wave to Gale, I notice another man lurking in the shadows. It’s the town drunk Haymitch Abernathy and normally I wouldn’t think twice about seeing him but something about the way he is staring at me sends a shiver down my spine. I at once shrug the feeling off. I’m being paranoid.
I've been travelling for a few hours and my head is already filled with so many questions, I watch the countryside pass me by, hoping to distract myself. The speed of the train is faster than anything I have ever known and I begin to wonder what life in the Capitol will be like for a girl from the Seam.
What sort of man picks a bride from a catalogue and pays an undisclosed amount of money for the privilege? Will he be a kind man or a monster like Cray? Will he want children? Of course, that’s the whole idea surrounding the initiative. My stomach twists painfully at the thought.
“Miss Katniss Everdeen?” A strange voice asks.
Startled, I look up to see two men in black suits, peering down at me. Their faces void of any expression.
“Yes, I’m Katniss Everdeen.” I say, as my eyes flick from one face then to the other.
“Your paperwork please.” One of the men orders. He takes it, reading over each line carefully, giving me an appraising glance before he slaps the packet into my hand.
“Everything seems to be in order. If you will follow us Miss Everdeen.” He says, gesturing for me to stand. “Bring your belongings with you. You will not be returning.” The other man adds.
Not returning? I don’t have much in the way of possessions apart from my locket that I keep close to me. I have a change of clothing and my mother’s blue dress and hairbrush as well as Prim’s homemade soap, all neatly packed in my father’s old hunting bag.
The train stops and I am escorted off. The two black-suited men signal the guard on board, allowing the train to continue its journey. There are no buildings in sight and I can’t help feeling a little anxious.
“Why have we stopped here and why am I the only passenger to disembark? My papers state that I am to be delivered to my husband in the Capitol.” My heart rate quickens as the train begins to roll away.
“We have special orders to deliver you in person Miss Everdeen. The hovercraft is due to land in approximately three minutes.”
“Hovercraft? Where are you taking me?” I begin to shout as fear takes hold.
“Calm down Miss Everdeen! We are not at liberty to discuss details with you. Please refrain from speaking with us until we reach District 13. You will be met by your husband’s representative as soon as we land.”
“There is no District 13! You need to take me to the Capitol.” I insist but stop, hearing a strange humming sound approaching from above.
Looking up, I am stupefied at what I see. I’ve only ever seen a hovercraft on the compulsory viewing station that the Capitol insists all citizens watch but seeing one this close, doesn’t compare. I’m almost ashamed to admit my disappointment once on board. Cold, hard steel and emptiness. There doesn’t appear to be any viewing windows either so I stare into the blankness. How different from the train.
I feel like a prisoner strapped into my seat but I am told it is for my safety. The flight is long and bumpy and I am somewhat relieved when we finally land.
Flanked by the two dark-suited men, I walk out of the hovercraft onto a steel platform and from the lack of any natural light, I surmise that we must be deep underground.
There is a middle-aged man waiting at the entrance of a large door. As I draw nearer to him, there’s a kindness in his eyes that looks familiar. A calming shade of blue. I shake the thought from my head.
“Hello Katniss. Welcome to your new home.”
I shake his outreached hand and look at him curiously.
“You don’t remember me, do you? Has it been that long?” The man asks. “Your father used to bring you and your sister to my bakery every Sunday. Don’t tell me you forgot about my famous cheese buns? I believe they were your favourite.” He says proudly.
The Mellark Bakery. Yes, I remember now! “Mr Mellark?” I ask to be sure. He nods. “I don’t understand any of this. I was supposed to go to the Capitol…to my husband but I was taken off the train and brought here…to a district that doesn’t exist! And now you! Everyone said you and your family moved to the Capitol.” I exclaim in my confused state.
“Yes, we did but ...” Mr Mellark begins to say. “We have a lot to discuss and I promise to tell you everything you need to know but first please accept my condolences. I was shocked to hear what happened to your family, we all were. Your husband was so distraught when he found out and wanted to send for you straight away but our agents were keeping a close eye on you and the moment you registered for the Capitol’s new initiative, we seized the opportunity.”
There’s a slight pause before Mr Mellark continues. “I know how confusing all this sounds and you must have a million questions to ask but for now I must get you settled.”
“You bet I have questions and I'd like my answers now! You can start by telling me who ‘he’ is and why have 'agents' been watching me?” I also want to know more about the Mellark family, but I don’t’ ask.
“All in good time my dear.” He says, gesturing for me to walk with him. “Your husband is anxious to see you but we need to get you checked by our medical staff before you can enter into the general population. Don’t worry, it’s standard procedure.” He reassures me.
My thoughts run wild as I follow Mr Mellark to some sort of medical facility and then to an examination room where a woman wearing a white coat over a grey uniform is waiting. She instructs me to strip from my clothing and step into a special shower and scrub from top to toe. Unlike Prim’s sweet-smelling lavender soap, the soap they use here has a bleach-like odour to it but I don’t dare complain.
A clean greyish cover-all is left outside the cubicle which I assume is for me to wear afterwards. I am about to dry off when another woman in a similar white coat enters the cubicle and begins to gather my clothes. My quick reflexes take the woman by surprise as I lunge for my coat. Not caring that I am wet and naked, I grasp the locket in my hand and hold it firmly to my chest.
“Don’t be alarmed. Your things will be returned to you once they are properly disinfected. She tells me reassuringly. “Extra care will be given to whatever you have in your hand, I’ll see to it myself.”
I take a few shaky breaths and relent, slowly handing over my locket. “Please…it was a special gift.” I plead, a little shocked at the sound of my quivering voice.
The woman nods and smiles kindly as she gently removes the locket from my hand. “It’s beautiful. I’ll take care of it.” She promises, before turning to head out the door.
Minutes seem to slip by as I am given several shots, vaccinations I am told and blood samples are taken. My teeth are checked and my wet hair is inspected with a special comb. Two hours later, I am given the all-clear and relieved to find Mr Mellark waiting for me at the end of the corridor.
My steps towards him quickens. “My things…they took my things and I want them back.”
“They’re already in your quarters.” He confirms. “I am sorry about all this Katniss but you may recall from your lessons in school about the ‘great sickness’ that almost wiped out all Panem. Even in our remote location, District 13 was not immune and suffered a huge loss of life. These strict health regulations were introduced soon after. Now, let’s get you to your assigned quarters. You’ve handled all of this surprisingly well but I suspect you’re tired and a rest will do you a world of good.”
Mr Mellark tells me before he leaves that he will come for me in a few hours. Relief fills me when I walk into the small bedroom and find my possessions laid out neatly on a large double bed. My locket has been placed on top of my freshly washed and pressed clothes and I frantically look it over for any signs of damage but am grateful to find none.
Feeling restless, I begin to look around my lodgings…no, ‘quarters’ Mr Mellark called it. I place my hair brush on top of the tallboy and open the first drawer to find neatly folded shirts, socks and male underwear inside. I shut the drawer quickly and take a breath feeling the rush of embarrassment spread over me. I walk over to the small closet and find pants and other items of clothing hanging. Of course, I will be living with my husband in these quarters. Isn’t that what married couples do?
I lay on the bed and try to rest but my mind is swirling with so many thoughts that I give up after an hour. To occupy my time, I decide to change into my dress and fix my hair in a braided bun. Reaching to the chain around my neck, I take the locket and rub it gently before I tuck it under my dress and sit on the couch. Nervousness aside, I want to look presentable to my husband. With nothing left to do, I wait.
There’s a knocking sound at my door and I rush to open it. Mr Mellark is on the other side with a huge grin on his face. He has changed into a fresh pair of grey pants and shirt and his hair is combed back neatly. He’s also clutching a small bouquet of wild flowers and my heart sinks. Oh God, is Mr Mellark my husband?
He notices the panicked look on my face as he greets me. “There’s nothing to be worried about Katniss, I promise you will be well looked after.”
“Are you my…are we…married? I manage to splutter out.
Mr Mellark lets out a bellowed laugh to my dismay. “No! Whatever possessed you to think such a thing?” He says regaining some composure.
My hands go to the sides of my head feeling the onset of a headache. “I’m so confused right now. Everything is happening so fast. I don’t know what to believe…or who to trust and then I see you’ve changed into fresh clothes and the flowers…and well, I thought…I…I really don’t know what I thought!”
Muffling his laughter, Mr Mellark explains. “Ah yes, I can see why you thought that. Your husband asked me to give these to you. He picked them himself. You’re not angry, are you?” I shake my head. No, the flowers are a lovely gesture.
“Good, now it’s not every day I get to witness a toasting and this one is special.” He replies. “You may be legally married on paper by the Capitol’s standards but it’s not official until you toast. Are you ready Katniss?” He asks enthusiastically.
Marriages in District 12 are not considered official until a couple perform a toasting ceremony. But we’re not in District 12 so I'm caught off guard by his eagerness.
Before registering, I was made aware of two stipulations relating to the Mail-Order-Bride contract. The first one being brides will marry their husbands by proxy. The second is that brides will engage in the marriage rituals of their husband’s district once they officially meet.
Knowing full well what is expected of me, I convinced myself that these ceremonies would mean nothing. A toasting from my own district however, is something I wasn’t prepared for. I willingly signed up for this and so I give the only answer I can.
“Yes.”
A lift takes us downwards and when it finally stops and the sliding doors open there is a sea of greens, reds and yellows. It’s an underground arboretum and the smell of fresh soil and pine is exhilarating.
Gathered around a cleared area is a small group of people. There’s a woman sitting on a bench that I don’t recognise but the three men who are standing next to her, I do. They all look a little older since the last time I saw them but there is no mistaking them. There is one other member of the Mellark family that is noticeably absent but I don’t care to ask.
My eyes seem to have a will of their own and lock onto the youngest son. He may not be as tall as his brothers but his broad shoulders and obvious muscular physique does not go unnoticed. He glances at me but quickly looks away. His face blushes red.
In the corner of my eye, I see a lone figure of a man in a dark suit, standing to attention.
“It’s okay Katniss, he’s just an official that is required to witness the toasting. Our independence from the Capitol came with special dispensations. This was one of them.” Mr Mellark explains. I make a mental note to add this to my growing list of questions.
“Now, you remember my sons?” He asks as we walk closer to the group. Brandon the eldest and Rye the middle son both greet me with wide smiles as I nod, my mouth gaped open not knowing what to say.
“The young woman seated over there is Brandon’s wife Lavinia. She’s unable to speak but is happy to be here for your toasting.” The woman called Lavinia smiles and waves shyly.
“Peeta, aren’t you going to say hello?” Mr Mellark gestures for Peeta to move closer to me.
Peeta takes a few hurried steps towards us then takes a deep breath before speaking. “H-h-hello Katniss. I’m Peeta Mellark...your husband.”
My knees start to buckle beneath me but I manage to stay upright. “Hello Peeta.” His name falls from my lips in a whisper and I am suddenly struck with a rush of heat from within. It has been over four years since I saw him last and now…I am his wife.
Memories flood my thoughts. Catching Peeta glaring at me in school or in passing and how he would quickly avert his gaze just like he did moments ago. He was shy but as time went by, I noticed a shift in his mannerism. Peeta’s sweet smile was replaced by a blank almost vacant look and he became withdrawn. We never spoke, not really. Only sharing fleeted glances but I felt a strange sense of loss when he and his family moved to the Capitol.
“You…you were the one who bought me?” My words sound cold and I want to kick myself.
The smile on his face disappears. “Please Katniss, don’t say it like that. I wanted to come for you. I tried but...” He stops to take a breath. “This was the only way and you’re safe now…with me...and you look beautiful and you’re my wife.” He babbles.
“She got that part dummy! Get to the toasting already!” His brother Rye yells impatiently. “Ow! That hurt.” He protests, rubbing the back of his head.
“It was meant to!” Brandon says, sounding rather pleased with himself at his quick delivery of a slap to Rye’s head.
“You’re doing great Peeta, keep going.” His oldest brother says encouragingly.
All this adds to my confused and overwhelmed state but when I look to Peeta, there’s a sadness in his eyes. He looks down at his feet and nods muttering under his breath before speaking. I barely catch it. “I wanted to come for you Katniss…but I had to get better.”
He had to get better?
Mr Mellark places his hand on Peeta’s shoulder. “We can talk about this later son reflection time is almost over.” His father announces.
Peeta lifts his head and straightens his shoulders “Yes, I’m sorry.” Clearing his throat, Peeta looks at me and I am mesmerised by how blue his eyes are. “Katniss Everdeen, I would very much like for you to toast with me, if you will allow it.” He says sweetly.
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I am bound to Peeta by the marriage laws of Panem and that should be enough but how can I deny him? I could have done a lot worse. “Yes, I’ll allow it.”
Peeta smiles and whispers under his breath before walking over to Lavinia who is still seated on the bench. She hands him a small covered tray and he thanks her before bringing it me. “I’m sorry we can’t light a fire but I toasted the slices in the kitchen ovens myself. They’re still warm.”
He carefully removes the clean cloth and at that precise moment my stomach begins to rumble at the aroma of freshly toasted bread. I realise I haven’t eaten since this morning. “We get to eat at the end of reflection.” Peeta whispers smilingly.
Everyone gathers around as Peeta and I begin to toast. It is a simple tradition, one that dates back hundreds of years but to those from my district, it is one that has special meaning. No words are needed. Just the feeding of toasted bread to each other which signifies a couple’s commitment to love and protect one another no matter what.
Peeta gently places a piece of toasted bread in my mouth and tells me he will always protect me. I chew slowly trying to think of something to say. The words “thank you” spill from my mouth as I feed him my piece of bread and I know as soon as I say them, how inadequate they must seem but he smiles and chews. It is done…we are now bound together by the laws of District 12.
There’s shouts of ‘hooray’ and ‘congratulations’ from Peeta’s brothers and father. Lavinia walks over to us smiling and hugs us both. I look to see the dark-suited man is walking towards the lift satisfied that we followed the rules. I turn to Peeta and catch him staring at me but this time he doesn’t look away. Neither do I. Before long, a woman’s voice comes through the loud speaker announcing reflection time has finished and dinner will be served in the communal dining hall.
As we enter the dining hall, I begin to feel a little intimidated by the large number of people gathered in one place. Peeta tells me this is where everyone in the district eats regardless of rank or position. “Don’t let their stares worry you. They do that to all new comers.” Peeta must sense my discomfort and is quick to reassure me.
He sits next to me, handing me a rather large serving of meat and vegetable stew that smells amazing with two freshly baked bread rolls on the side. I question where his meal is and he tells me he wasn’t hungry so he piled his serving onto mine. That won’t do.
“No Peeta, I’m not going to take your food. You’re going to share this meal with me or I don’t eat either. Okay?” I say stubbornly handing him a heaped spoonful of stew.
“Okay.” He yields and eats the first spoonful before filling it with more stew to hand back to me.
“Aww, look guys they’ve only been married an hour and she’s already bossing baby brother about.” Rye says but quickly looks down to his food and continues to eat quietly after both Mr Mellark and Brandon give him a look. Lavinia who has been quiet, covers her mouth trying to hide her smile.
After we finish eating, I listen intently to Mr Mellark and Brandon talk about life in District 13. How everyone is assigned duties for the common good of each citizen. There are three square meals a day and everyone has the freedom to speak their own mind without the fear of receiving a lashing or something worse. Brandon calls it ‘democracy’. Everyone undergoes basic military training and thirteen has its own elite Peacekeeping squads. I cringe at the mention of Peacekeepers but Peeta tells me they are nothing like the ones back in District 12.
When Brandon tells me that every citizen in thirteen has access to free ‘state of the art’ medical care, I think of my mother and sister. They were natural born healers and would have flourished here. Their knowledge of herbal medicines and salves would have proven invaluable. Peeta sees me deep in thought and gently brushes my hand with his fingers. Surprisingly, I don’t flinch at the sudden contact. In fact, I find it comforting.
The overall running of the district falls to President Alma Coin and she was instrumental in freeing District 13 from the tyranny that is the Capitol.
It doesn’t seem fair. How could District 13 thrive in secret and ignore the sufferings of others? There is so much more I want to know but that annoying woman on the loud speaker announces meal time is over and sleep time is due to start. Everyone adheres to these rules and only those with specifically assigned roles are exempt. This will take some getting used to.
Peeta slides the door open and waits for me to enter our quarters first. I take small hesitant steps inside and I can’t help feeling nervous. This is my wedding night after all but I’ve never done anything like this.
“I know what you’re thinking Katniss but you don’t have to worry. I would never do anything to hurt you or do anything you don’t want. I’ll be sleeping on the couch.”
“We’re married now Peeta. I’m supposed to obey my husband.” I say almost robotically.
“No! I don’t want you to obey me Katniss. I didn’t marry you like this for you to think you owe me or you have a duty to fulfil. That’s not why I did it.”
“Then why did you do it Peeta?”
He pauses. “You’ve gone through so much. Losing your whole family and your home. I knew you were out of options when you registered for this initiative. The thought of someone touching you, hurting you like they did to Lavinia. It would kill me.”
Peeta stops. He shakes his head not wanting to continue but I insist. “Did someone hurt Lavinia?” He nods, closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath.
“Lavinia was a mail-order-bride too. Her husband was a cruel man from the Capitol. She couldn’t fall pregnant and so he sold her because she was ‘flawed goods’. She was assigned to an escort agency but refused to service their clientele. As punishment, they cut out her tongue and shipped her to District 11 to work in the fields. Lavinia’s an Avox.”
My breathing stops as I take this all in. Lavinia never said a word during our toasting or dinner because…she couldn’t.
“How did she get to be here?”
“Lavinia and a few others from District 11 devised a plan to escape. Brandon and his squad were on a routine reconnaissance mission when they found her, barely alive. The other escapees never made it. The thought of something like that happening to you…”
Peeta’s clenches his hands into tight fists and I can see the tips of his knuckles turning white. “I won’t let anyone hurt you Katniss.”
I take his hands in mine and bring them to my lips softly kissing them. “I know, because you will always keep me safe.” I say to him softly.
Peeta nods and stares into my eyes and I wonder if he will kiss me but he doesn’t. “We’ve both had a big day. I think we should get ready for bed.” He says bringing me back from my thoughts. “I’d like to show you around tomorrow if you like. I’ve been relieved of my duties for a few days and it may take some time before you are assigned one. It’s not home but after a while you’ll see that it’s really not so bad here.”
It’s not home but I will try and settle in for his sake.
We take turns in the bathroom and ready ourselves for bed. Peeta has already laid blankets and a pillow on the couch and makes himself comfortable.
“Good night Katniss. I’m so happy you’re here with me.” He says from the couch.
“I’m happy I’m here with you too. Good night Peeta.” I say softly before entering the bedroom and turning off the lights.
I have been in District 13 for ten days now and still haven’t been assigned any duties but Peeta tells me to enjoy my free time while I can. He leaves in the early hours of the morning to work in the kitchen bakery until midday then he comes back to our quarters to shower and change. The rest of the afternoon and night are ours to spend as we wish and quite often Peeta takes me down to the underground arboretum during reflection time because he knows how much I enjoy being there.
Things progress slowly between us. We both agreed to share the bed after I would wake in the middle of the night from one of my nightmares only to hear Peeta whimpering in his sleep. His nightmares would often leave him shaking and calling out for me. So, every night he holds me in his arms and I rest my head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart which always lulls me to sleep. Peeta says that holding me in his arms helps him too. I’m glad.
Most mornings, Peeta wakes up smiling and eager to get to work so he can spend the rest of the day with me. But these last two days have been a struggle for him and even though he tries to shake it off and tell me that he’s just tired, I know there’s something more.
Walking back to our quarters after dinner, Peeta places his arm around my waist and I snuggle closer to his body, letting him know I’m perfectly okay with it even though I was a little annoyed with him earlier. Peeta snapped at me today when I asked about his mother. I remember her always angry and almost every day she could be heard yelling at her boys. Peeta mostly.
“I’m sorry I got angry today Katniss. I’ve been a little edgy lately but I promise things will get better soon.” Peeta tells me.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. You know that, right?” He nods. “You’ve been a bit out of sorts lately but you know whatever it is, you can talk to me. We shouldn’t have any secrets between us.” I tell him honestly, remembering how my parents would always discuss things together. “You’re not sick of me already?” I add jokingly.
Peeta turns me to face him and cups my face in his hands. “Don’t say that Katniss…don’t ever say that.” He says pleadingly and kisses me softly on the lips. This is the first time Peeta has kissed me there and the tingly feeling leaves me wanting more but we are interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat.
I turn around to see an older gentleman with spectacles looking a little flustered. “Oh, my apologies for the intrusion but I’ve been looking all over for this young man. Your father said you were heading back to your quarters.” The man continues.
“I haven’t seen you for a few days now and my secretary informed me that you keep cancelling your appointments.”
Peeta doesn’t say anything and holds onto me tightly.
The man turns his attention to me. “Ah, this must be your beautiful bride Katniss. I’m pleased to finally meet you. Peeta has told me so much about you during our sessions. I feel like I know you already. I’m sorry, where are my manners. Let me introduce myself, I’m Dr Albert Aurelius.”
Peeta spoke about me before? I take the doctor’s offered hand and shake it. “I wasn’t aware that Peeta was sick. Is there something I should know?” I ask, turning to my husband.
Peeta looks to the doctor but doesn’t comment. There’s a look of anger in his eyes and I know he’s keeping something from me.
“I’m afraid that is a discussion you need to have with your husband.” Dr Aurelius replies. “Peeta, I can only stress the importance of you sticking to our scheduled appointments. Now, I have some free time tomorrow around 2:00pm. You can bring Katniss along. I’d be happy to speak with both of you.”
“No! I don’t want Katniss to be there.” Peeta practically shouts and I find myself a little hurt at this rejection.
“Very well Peeta, but I still expect to see you in my office tomorrow at 2:00pm.” The doctor confirms.
Peeta only nods in agreement. Dr Aurelius smiles and bids his farewell before leaving in the opposite direction.
Perhaps I’m being a little hasty in my decision but I instantly feel distrust towards this doctor.
Peeta doesn’t say anything and I decide to stay silent for a few minutes but my head is full of questions that needs answers. “Why do you need to see a doctor Peeta, are you sick?” I finally ask.
“No. He’s not that kind of doctor.” Peeta answers trying to be non-committal.
“Well then, what kind of doctor is he?”
Peeta is silent as we approach our quarters choosing to ignore me.
“Peeta, you’re not answering my questions. If there is something wrong with you I think I should know.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me! Why does everyone say there is!” Peeta’s tone grows harsh.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.” I say as I take a step back.
“Forget it! Just leave it…maybe he was right all along.”
“He? Peeta, who’s he? Dr Aurelius? Maybe I should go with you and see this doctor tomorrow.” I say, trying not to let my emotions carry me away.
“Drop it Katniss. I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t want you talking to Dr Aurelius okay! Things will get better, you’ll see.” Peeta stops at our door and slides it open with such force that it rattles.
He’s talking in riddles and it’s infuriating. “No, I won’t drop it. We need to talk. I want to help you.” I demand as we walk into our quarters.
Peeta has his back to me. “He doesn’t need your help!” A voice sounds and I look around the room thinking that someone snuck into our quarters without me noticing. But there’s no one here but Peeta and I.
I must have imagined it. So much has happened to me these last few months that my mind is surely playing tricks on me. Did I just here Peeta say ‘he’? Before I can say anything, Peeta tells me he is going to get ready for bed and closes the bathroom door behind him muttering to himself.
Pacing the room, I wait for Peeta to finally come out of the bathroom as thoughts run through my head like a freight train. The subject about his mother was brushed aside and he did the same with Dr Aurelius just now.
Initially, going into the Mail-Order-Bride Initiative without feeling or care was just a means of survival. I would never allow myself to have a strong connection with my husband but this is Peeta! Whether it was luck or fate that brought us together, I know I have an important role to play in all of this.
I no longer want to be that lonely girl from District 12. No! I’m his wife now and I’m going to help him get through whatever this is and to do that we need to talk about everything, even the deep stuff. I have that right, don’t I?
When Peeta finally comes out from the bathroom, I meet him by the couch.
My heart feels like it’s going to explode from my chest but this needs to start somewhere. “Peeta, where is your mother?” I finally ask the question that has been playing on my mind.
He sighs deeply and shakes his head. “You don’t need to worry about her Katniss. She can’t hurt either of us ever again.”
But that answer does nothing to satisfy my curiosity so I ask him again. “But what happened to her.”
“I’d rather not talk about her right now, okay?” Peeta begins to rub his hands nervously against the fabric of his pyjama pants before standing abruptly to pace the room.
“No, you can’t keep brushing me off like this. We need to talk about it.”
“Please Katniss, I don’t want to talk about her, not now…just not now!”
“When Peeta? You keep saying that. We can’t start our lives together with secrets.” I start to explain but am interrupted by Peeta…only it’s not his voice.
“HE SAID HE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER!” The words coming from Peeta's mouth are sharp and cold. What is happening?
“Peeta?” I reach out my hand to touch him but he pushes me away.
“LEAVE PEETA ALONE!” He growls.
The voice coming from Peeta’s lips is not his. Unfamiliar and much deeper, it hits me like a punch. I watch in disbelief as his face morphs, revealing a cold, fierce expression, the line of his jaw clenched, making his features appear more angular. When I catch his eyes I shiver, the pupils have blown, changing from a deep blue to an unending pool of black. Am I imagining all this? I don’t know if I can trust what I'm seeing. “Peeta please, what’s wrong.”
“I SAID LEAVE PEETA ALONE!” Peeta is looking down at me but when I look to his eyes it’s not Peeta that I see. Fear races up my spine.
He is staring angrily at me and those dark eyes shake me to the core. My body starts to tremble as I take the few backward steps needed to reach the door. With my hands behind my back, I feel for the door handle and once I have it in my hand, I slide it open and run. I run so fast that I don’t realise I have gone down six flights of emergency exit stairwells before I stop to catch my breath.
I search for somewhere to hide. Somewhere I can sort out in my head what I just saw. Do I even trust myself to believe it? As I frantically look around my surroundings, I find a small storage room that is unlocked and rush inside locking the door behind me. I crawl behind some shelving and curl my knees tightly to my chest. I reach for my locket bringing it to my lips and I do something that I have not done in a long while. I begin to cry. Salty tears sting my eyes and the more I try to supress them, the more they flow.
Oh God! That wasn’t Peeta.