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The lights directed at him are so bright that they cast the audience into shadow. Eli developed an immunity to this phenomena during his last tour; the feeling that he's lost at sea with the whole world staring at him doesn’t alarm him nearly as much as it used to.
"We have time for one last question," the moderator says. "And then Mr. Cash will return in ten minutes for the signing portion of tonight's Q&A."
Eli plans on using his break to sleep, if at all possible. He's learned that book tours are much harder to manage while he's sober, although sleep deprivation can bring about many of the same effects that mescaline had.
"So much of this book deals with your relationship with the Tenenbaum family," one of his fans is saying, and Eli has to squint to try to make out any of the people beyond where he is on stage to figure out which direction the amplified voice is coming from. "I just have to ask — and I'm sorry if this is putting you on the spot — but you are in love with Chas Tenenbaum, correct? That's sort of the point of it all?"
"Oh," Eli says, not needing any time to ruminate on the subject. "Well, yes."
Eli's third novel hadn't been especially noticed by the queer press until after his answers from the Hotel Chevalier's Q&A were published in an initially lesser-read feature buried in the Stranger's July 2nd print edition.
The book's overall reaction had been tepid until that point, generally seen as a lesser follow-up to his second novel's modest success, though it still showed a marked improvement from his first literary outing. There had been many questions as to why he had written it in the first place, especially given that it was marketed as a memoir. The actual contents therein hardly touched on the man's own life at all, its subject focused entirely on the Tenenbaum family of which he had observed all his life.
His answer to that closing question finally gave the critic community a lens through which to frame the work. The renewed attention led to it being reevaluated in a much more favorable light. By the end of the week, it was viewed as a modern classic in the American Gay Canon, although Eli had always considered himself to be bisexual.
"Why are journalists calling and asking me to give a statement on the recent revelations from your book?" Chas asks, voice carrying into Eli's office from the speakerphone. "You explicitly promised that you writing about us wouldn't fuck with my business, Eli."
"I didn't do anything," Eli says quickly. "Sorry, I'm supposed to take ownership as a part of my recovery. It's hard breaking bad habits."
Chas has been attending therapy as well. The two of them had previously made a pact to work on holding one another accountable. It continues to be a work in progress for them both. Eli is aware that this is the part where he's supposed to volunteer information without being prompted, as a sign of a healthy friendship with lifelong friends. He has also been informed that he has a tendency to overshare without thinking about the consequences. His is a balancing act.
"I might have said that I've been in love with you my whole life." A noise squeaks out across the speaker. Eli hastens to keep speaking before Chas invents a way to throttle him over the phone. "It just sounded so smart when the idea was proposed to me! And you know what they say, a work stops belonging to the author once it's been released into the world. It's not like I could’ve told them their interpretation was wrong, could I? That's the whole point of interpretations, we're all allowed to read whatever we like into things!"
Another voice carries over the line, but it's too muffled for Eli to easily discern.
"I've got a conference call in two minutes," Chas says. "Promise me that's all you said and that you're not going to talk about it anymore."
"Sure thing." Eli tears a sheet of paper from the journal he keeps at his desk and writes exactly that onto it, so that he won't forget. "You got it, amigo."
His promise is broken a day later. The publishing house behind Eli's novel is eager to capitalize on Eli's renewed celebrity. They book him for a morning television program. The producers of said program request that Chas accompanies Eli for the taping.
Eli shows up at Chas's new residence at five in the morning, long before the sun is set to rise. Chas has only just managed to fall asleep.
It's Uzi that answers the door. "You're lucky that it's summer vacation," he says, before letting Eli into the house.
"Did you know that your father and I stayed up for four days straight when we were roommates in college?" It's a good story, one that he’s even pretty sure is age-appropriate for Uzi. Still, Eli mostly says it because he knows that Chas has always had a sense for these things and he'd rather the man come find him than the other way around.
As expected, Chas appears at the top of the stairway as if summoned. His hair is a tangled mess and he's only got pajama bottoms on. He does not sound entirely awake when he speaks. "What are you telling my son?"
"Good morning," Eli whispers, having had a great deal of experience with Chas in this state. "How do you feel about doing me a favor?"
For all of his repeated declarations to stay as far removed from the spectacle of Eli’s life as possible, Chas has always been one to honor his commitments. Even the ones made while he's in little more than a lucid dreaming state.
He dons his best suit without much complaint but otherwise refuses to engage with Eli for the rest of the morning. It’s Ari who helps Eli to do his tie, as Eli doesn't entirely know how to.
Of the four rare occasions Eli's had cause to wear anything more complicated than a bolo, it's always been Chas that's knotted it for him. Eli truly comes to appreciate the boys at this moment, as they seem to have inherited all of Chas's ability and intellect with none of his pettiness.
The broadcast will be live, and Eli was instructed to be at the studio for hair and makeup an hour before they're due to go on air at eight. With the boys out of school, Chas is left with no option but to bring the boys with them, unwilling to inconvenience his mother by asking her to watch them so early while she was due to go into work that same morning. He had yet to progress far enough in his therapy to feel secure enough in leaving them in the house on their own. The possibility of somehow waking Richie before ten in the morning was quickly considered and discarded as highly improbable.
As a result of the accident that had killed Buckley, Eli’s lost his license and with Chas never having been a fan of driving, Eli takes the initiative in booking them a taxi.
"Let me sleep for thirty more minutes," Chas says, moaning as Eli shuffles him and the boys into the back of the cab. It’s a tight fit, the four of them in the back, but Eli refuses to sit next to drivers and Chas dislikes being away from the boys. A compromise is met by having Uzi sit in Eli’s lap, seatbelt crossing over both their laps. Chas only shoots three alarmed glances at them for the duration of the drive. All of this is a testament to the progress of his therapy.
Small talk has never been either of their strong suits. Chas due largely to his direct and blunt nature, and Eli solely because he is, for lack of a better phrase, decidedly odd.
The hosts quickly realize this, and redirect their efforts at Chas, clearly seeing him as the lesser of two evils. They are most interested in asking about his being one of the premier minds within international finance. "Your siblings have been having a hard go at it," the woman says. "But you've always seemed to do just fine."
"Oh yes," Eli breaks in, eager to have something to contribute to the conversation. "Chas is amazing."
Chas levels him with a look that Eli chooses to interpret as indecipherable.
The producer gets their attention; their segment will start in a minute. To Eli, the time between the warning and the camera's on-air light blinking to life feels much shorter.
His book is introduced and the male host gives a brief overview of both of their lives. Chas's is given far more emphasis than Eli's, his list of accomplishments and general relevance to the public interest being much greater. Their slot isn't meant to exceed ten minutes. The hosts appear aware of this. The main question which encapsulates the majority of their time pertains to just why was is that Eli's love had remained unrequited for so long.
The one skill which Eli has truly possessed and honed over the years has been his success in weaving stories, most notably in selling those that presuppose something that is undeniably false. He paints a picture of a young Chas that was so preoccupied with working that Eli had set aside any feelings beyond friendship, knowing that Chas didn't have time for anything but his career. With their college years had come Rachel, who managed to spot Chas's romantic window where Eli had otherwise failed, and that had seemingly been that. Following Rachel's tragic loss, it hadn't seemed right to broach the subject until Chas had moved on from his grief.
Throughout it all, Chas sits next to him, silent and awkward. Eli supposes that to those who don’t know him, Chas might look stoic. He nods along to Eli's story, lips pressed together in a thin line. At the end of it, the hosts seem to be waiting for a more concrete conclusion.
After a beat of silence, the man asks, "And so then you wrote the book to finally let your feelings be known?"
Eli looks to Chas out of the corner of his eye to measure his reaction to the question. He doesn't seem to hate the assumption outright. "Yeah," Eli says, speaking the word slowly and keeping watch on Chas's reaction to that as well. "That's about the gist of it."
The woman nods. "Well, at least you're together now. It really is a love story for the ages!"
Chas tenses up at Eli's side, but remains silent. Eli realizes that Chas likely cannot refute any of what they say, lest their contrasting stories reflect badly on Chas and his company.
Eli quickly decides to go for broke.
"Yes," he says. His hand shoots out to take Chas's. He knots their fingers together before Chas can have a chance to pull away. Turning to the side, he presses a quick kiss to Chas's cheek. "Yes, I'm extremely fortunate."
The ride back to Chas's house is quiet, most notably because Chas himself isn’t there. A company car had come to take Chas directly to the office from the studio. Eli was left with strict instructions to stay with the boys until Chas had returned home from work that evening.
Eli is sat in the middle seat, the boys on either side of him.
"Is it alright to just," Uzi's voice trails off for a moment, considering his words in ways his father never would, "lie like that?"
Scratching at his nose, Eli mulls for an answer that won't earn him a beating from Chas the moment the boys relay whatever Eli says back to him. "I tell stories for a living," he says. "Fact is, people don't want the truth; they'd always rather have the story."
"I've never seen my dad look so pissed," Ari says.
Eli suddenly feels on much surer footing. "Oh, this is nothing!" The cab pulls to a stop in front of the house and Uzi steps out first, as he is the seat nearest the sidewalk. Eli follows him, fishing his wallet from his pocket with one hand, the other holding the door for Ari. The boys wait on to stoop for Eli as he pays the driver.
Ever the minimalist, the ring Chas had handed over to Eli had only contained the key to the front door. It is equally possible that Chas had the foresight to remove all other keys before giving them over to Eli.
As he unlocks the door, Eli continues with his story, "You should’ve seen your dad's face when he'd come home one day to find me — uh, having a sleepover with his friend Dave in his bed. Now that was pissed."
Chas comes through the front door right as the phone begins to ring. Uzi answers it.
"Hello, Tenenbaum residence!" He pauses to listen to the person on the other end of the line. "Oh," he says, hand coming up to cover the receiver. "Eli," he calls towards the kitchen, "it's for you!"
Eli makes his way across the house, careful not to run lest he give Chas reason to snap at him. In the end, it doesn’t matter; he can sense Chas's glare the moment he steps into the front hall where the phone is installed. "Thanks, little man," he says, taking the receiver from Uzi and raising it to his ear. "This is Eli."
Ari comes over from where he'd been in the living room, walking to his father to hug him hello. The three of them watch Eli as he carries out his conversation over the phone. "I see," he says, listening further until he finally goes, "sure thing," and places the phone back into the cradle, hanging up.
"Welcome home," he says to Chas, giving him his best smile. "How was work?"
"Who was that?" Chas asks.
"Dad, you're being rude!"
Chas has a staring match with Uzi for a few moments before he looks back to Eli. "It was fine, Eli, thanks for asking. Definitely didn't have a bunch of investors crawling up my ass demanding to know if I'm going to have you sign a prenup or if the company'll just be fucked if we get divorced."
Eli gasps, reaching for Ari, who is the closest of the two to him, and slapping his hands over the boy's ears. "Chas!" He shouts."The boys!"
Ari tips his head back to look up at Eli. "Have you met our dad?" he asks.
"He curses all the time," Uzi adds. "All the time."
Eli supposes that's fair. He drops his hands back down to his sides.
"Speaking of prenups," he says, changing tactics, "my agent thinks it would be good optics for me to stay over at yours for a couple of days, just until interest dies down and the press are less likely to realize that I’m not, well, living here."
Excited looks stamp themselves onto the boy's faces. Eli can see the words that Chas forces himself to swallow down. "I guess I'll tell Richie that he doesn't have to stop by for the rest of the week while I'm at work."
With a frown, Eli says, "Well, I mean, he's my friend, so I wouldn't mi–"
"Richie's not coming over." It's the end of that particular conversation. Uzi wanders over to his father and gets his own kiss hello. "Now, what did you make for dinner?"
The house has only ever meant to be temporary. Chas has explained this to anyone who cares to listen, and even more to those who hadn't cared at all. He didn't want to get too comfortable and potentially stay in such a temporary place longer than was necessary. As such, it only has two bedrooms, a master for Chas and a second one for the boys to share.
"We've slept in the same bed loads," Eli whines. "What's the big deal?"
"I hadn't realized then that you wanted to fuck me," Chas snipes back. "I do now. It's weird."
"I had way less self-control back then and I still managed to keep from fucking you." Eli sits down on the edge of the mattress to test its firmness. "Besides, if anyone should sleep on the couch, it's me." It isn't something that Eli wants to offer, but it's the sort of thing his sponsor would pat him on the back for. Eli supposes that change only becomes natural after you force yourself to act against your true nature a few hundred times.
Chas shakes his head with a sigh. "The boys would offer up their own beds before they let you sleep on the couch."
"Sounds like we're bunking up together, then, cowboy!" Eli starts undoing the buttons of his shirt and springs from the bed. He walks over to Chas's dresser to see what he has by way of pajamas that won’t be too small for Eli to fit into.
"At least you don't sleep naked anymore," Chas says, sighing again. He walks over to the dresser himself and crouches down to get to the bottom drawer, pulling out a pair of sweats and t-shirt that he hands up to Eli before taking a matching flannel set out for himself. He stands again and then heads to the attached bathroom to change.
"Oh, I never slept naked," Eli calls after him. "I was only ever just trying to see if you'd make a move."
Chas is missing his shirt when he steps back into the bedroom. "What!?"
Eli shrugs off his shirt and tosses it onto the bed, keenly aware that he'll need to fold and hang it once he's finished changing so that Chas won't lose his mind. "Did you think I was kidding when I said I was being obvious?"
He undoes his pants and steps out of them. Chas's eyes shoot to the ceiling. A blush spreads across his face.
Eli smiles and shakes his head. "I still can't believe Rachel managed to get through that thick skull of yours. Actually," he finishes doing up the tie on the sweats and takes the t-shirt from where he draped it over his shoulder, checking to make sure that the tag will be at his back when he puts it on, "how did she manage to get your attention? I don't think you've ever said."
"She just asked me out, you psychopath!" Chas is looking at him again, though his eyes keep dropping down to Eli's bare chest every few moments. Each time he brings them back up to meet Eli's face, it looks to be a struggle. "Instead of just putting her dick on my thigh for six weeks hoping I'd magically know I was supposed to do something about it!"
"I–" Eli pulls the shirt over his head and tucks it into the waistband of the sweats to buy himself some time. There's truth in what Chas has said, and he deserves more than one of Eli's usual excuses. "I guess that's my loss then," he says.
Immediately after making this statement, Eli has the realization that his own cowardice was the issue all along, and not Chas's focus on his business pursuits.
Chas shakes his head and returns to the bathroom. Eli sits down on the bed for a few seconds before he thinks the better of it, eager to break another bad habit of his. He stands and folds his clothes, setting them on the dresser before he makes his way into the bathroom, hovering at the doorway once he's reached it. "You wouldn't happen to have a spare toothbrush, would you?"
He asks the question even though he knows that Chas most certainly is the type to have several. Sure enough, there's one to be found in its original packaging right inside the medicine cabinet.
"Thanks," Eli says, ripping the paper back off. "So I was wondering," he starts, throwing the packaging into the waste bin and running the bristles under the hot water from the tap. He has to stand close to Chas to reach the sink. Eli's is a few inches taller than Chas. He only ever notices this when they're standing close together like they are then. "What if I did ask you out?"
Chas spits into the sink and directs all his attention on running his toothbrush under the water and then putting it into the holder at the edge of the sink. "Asking me how I'd feel about being asked out isn't the same as actually asking me out."
Even sober, Eli's mind struggles to follow what Chas's said. "Will you," he asks slowly, trying his best at navigating this particular minefield, "go out with me?"
"I don't know!" Chas runs a wet hand through his hair. "Do you care that I'm all fucked up and have two kids now? It's not like I'm the same person I was when you fell in love or whatever."
Eli steps closer to Chas's back and gently settles his hands on Chas's hips. He meets Chas's eyes through the reflection of the mirror in front of them. "Are you looking for ways this'll all go wrong?"
"No." Chas's answer comes exceedingly quick. After a second he adds, "Maybe. Probably."
"Aren't you supposed to just let things happen?"
"I guess." Chas's back presses into Eli's front when he breathes in deep for a second. "Yes."
"So will you just go out with me? We can always break up. I'm sure that'll make an even better book."
Chas’s reflection gives him a look through the mirror. "Shut up," he says. "We're not going to break up. Brush your goddamn teeth." Eli steals some of Chas's toothpaste and does as he’s told.
Chas presses back against Eli until Eli realizes that his closeness has been keeping Chas trapped against the edge of the sink. He uses the mirror to watch Chas as exit the bathroom. Eli strains to listen to the sounds of the bedroom, trying to guess what Chas is up to. He doesn't spend nearly enough time brushing his teeth, spitting into the sink about halfway through and then dropping his toothbrush into the cup next to Chas's. They look good next to one another.
When he reenters the bedroom he finds Chas already in bed. He sleeps on the right side. Eli does too, but he's reached the point in his life where he's willing to make compromises.
Chas’s patterned pajama bottoms are folded neatly on the chair next to the dresser. Eli's interest is piqued.
"You can take that expression right off your face," Chas says. "I don't usually sleep with pants on. I'm not about to be put out in my own house just because of you."
"I'd absolutely love it if you put out," Eli promises him. "Don't let me stop you."
"And don't say shit like that in front of the boys." Chas is blushing again.
"I think you'll find that I'm an excellent role model for the boys," Eli says.
Chas glares at him. "Now that I'm sober," Eli amends.
He walks over to the bed and pulls off his shirt. Eli decides not to bother with folding it and instead drops it onto the floor near the foot of the bed. He is aware that he’ll need to head Chas off before he can start to complain. "You're going to have to get used to this."
Eli climbs beneath the covers and crowds close to Chas's side of the bed. Chas tenses for a moment, but relaxes once Eli snakes his arm under Chas's pillow and holds him properly. "Now," Eli says, "isn't this nice?"
"It's okay." Chas places particular emphasis on the second syllable.
The phone rings. Chas reaches over to his bedside table to answer it with a rather put-out, "Hello?" After a moment he holds it out for Eli. His expression doesn’t look to be impressed. "It's for you," he says. "Again."
"Hello?" It's Eli's agent. He has to work at keeping his face straight so that Chas won’t guess what the conversation is about. "I'm not sure," Eli says at one point, keeping himself purposefully vague. "I can certainly ask," he finishes, before handing the phone back to Chas, who hangs it up.
"What now?" Chas asks. It’s obvious that he’s readying himself for bad news.
Eli licks his lips. Chas’s imagination is such that he’ll always assume the worst-case scenario, which can only work in Eli’s favor, as in comparison this is hardly as bad as whatever Chas’s mind has concocted.
"What do you think the odds are that the family will sign a release so that a movie studio can use their likenesses in the filmed version of my novel?" he asks. "Hypothetically."