Chapter Text
There were a lot of things that Catra hated. She hated cloudy days. She hated green tea. She hated stupid questions, and stupid people even more. If she had to sit through a boring conversation, she’d feel like she was imploding. Giving advice was near-synonymous with death to her. Honestly, she hated anything mildly annoying or troublesome, or anything bitter tasting. But there was definitely something she hated even more than all the other things combined.
A thought that had been creeping around the recesses of her mind since she could remember anything at all had been igniting itself in her once again as of late. She’d call it a memory, but everyone always told her she was making things up. It had never happened, according to them, but Catra could recall it clear as day.
That girl. Her vivid image always invaded her brain like an unwanted visitor. She could picture every bit of her appearance in excruciating detail. The way her hair didn’t quite all fit when tied back in a ponytail, so there was always a little strand hanging out. The little gap where her newly lost tooth was, so prominent in the big smiles she loved to give. The blue of her eyes…like the clearest of summer mornings, cloudless and a little unreal. They plagued Catra’s imagination any time she let herself pause for too long. The thought of her and the times Catra had played with her as a child.
Except they didn’t.
That girl didn’t exist. There wasn’t a single trace of her: no photos, no videos, no notes. Nothing. It sure didn’t help that Catra couldn’t remember her name either. Just this visceral feeling that she was a real person she knew. Even Scorpia, her kindest friend, thought she made her all up.
You’ve never talked about her until recently, she’d said back in middle school. And you don’t seem to remember what happened to her. Maybe you just thought you met her?
It was true, Catra didn’t know. She couldn’t even say how old they were when she knew her. It really did feel almost like an imaginary friend she’d forgotten as she grew up. It wasn’t logical to believe those memories, she knew that, honest. And yet, she couldn’t quite dismiss them either. It felt like abandoning an integral part of herself, like something primal in her refused to let go of the smiling brat.
And she hated it.
Why the fuck should she be clinging to some weird phantom thoughts? That was weak, and pathetic, and…
The idea made her bristle with malcontent. Those weren’t feelings Catra was particularly comfortable with, and getting lost in her own head like this definitely wasn’t beneficial. God, why wouldn’t she be messed up in her head, the one place she should be able to find some kind of comfort…
“Catra? Hey, are you listening?”
Catra blinked, coming back to reality. She glanced around at the warm décor of the diner she sat in, the retro 70s-style wood wall paneling and brown vinyl booth seats greeting her eyes with ease. Scorpia occupied the seat across from her, the corners of her mouth downturned in mild concern. Typical for her.
“Sorry, spaced out. What were you saying?”
“Entrapta? She has that big robotics conference coming up on the 12th? She wants us to come with her.” Scorpia eyed Catra, assessing. “You’re not like this. Is something up?”
“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
“You know you can talk to me, Wildcat.”
Ugh, that nickname. 22 years of existence, and Catra would never escape a single “cat” joke. If she had known her parents, she would’ve given them a piece of her mind about their shit taste in naming.
“Let me guess,” Catra said, eyes showing annoyed acceptance. “You won’t drop it.”
“It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up. I can tell something’s bothering you. You’re doing that thing.”
Catra raised an eyebrow. “What thing?”
Scorpia poked her jaw, bringing her consciousness to the fact that she’d been clenching her teeth for probably the past 10 odd minutes.
“That. You always do that when you’re upset.”
“You know, if you were anyone else, it would be creepy that you notice those sorts of things.”
“You’re trying to avoid telling me.”
Tch, Scorpia definitely wasn’t dumb. Catra debated with herself for a moment more.
“It’s just that thing again.”
The frown was quick to appear on Scorpia’s face. “You’ve been thinking about her a lot again, haven’t you?”
“Look, I know it’s dumb. I know.” Catra averted her gaze, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. “I don’t need you to tell me. She’s not real, she never was, it’s all just some weird fever dream I can’t let go of. I get it.”
Silence fell over them. Catra knew all the arguments and counterpoints by now. It was easier if she just agreed.
“I was actually thinking,” Scorpia started. “Do you believe in soulmates?”
Catra glanced her way, side-eyeing with no emotion. Soulmates. Funny. Even if they were real, what would make her worthy of one?
“Not really.”
Scorpia’s face fell. “Oh. Guess that’s not really your thing…”
Shit. Why couldn’t she get through a single day without fucking something up? Catra cleared her throat.
“But the idea’s…cute,” she said.
“I was just thinking maybe…you know?” Scorpia had a gleam in her eye. Whatever was going on in her brain, it was exciting to her.
“Pretty crap luck, getting only an image of a soulmate as a little kid.” Catra checked her watch. “Look, I’ve got an early morning tomorrow and it’s already past 11:00. I’ll catch you later.”
She scrounged in her wallet for a minute before putting $20 on the table to cover her meal. She stood and made to leave, but stopped at the tug on her wrist.
“What about the conference? It’s really important for Entrapta, I know she wants you to be there.”
Catra groaned. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there. The 12th, right?”
“Yeah!” Scorpia nodded enthusiastically. “Thanks, Wildcat.”
“Yeah. See you.”
After a particularly awkward ride home with a way-too-chatty-for-midnight driver, Catra gratefully unlocked the door to her apartment, trudged in without bothering to turn on the lights, and collapsed on her beat-up loveseat. She leaned her head back and let her eyes close. The exhaustion from the day was finally catching up with her, and she could’ve slept right there…
As though to spite her chances of sleeping, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out with a grunt and squinted at the too bright screen. The lone notification came from her messaging app. She tapped the offending icon with a grimace, hoping it wasn’t anything that needed her attention.
Lonnie: hey! found some old shit u left here if u wanna grab it. 2mrw work? (12:17 AM)
Huh. Lonnie? Random. They hadn’t really hung out since high school. Catra didn’t even really remember having any stuff at her house, but it wasn’t the most unbelievable thing.
Catra: what shit? (12:18 AM)
Lonnie: idk, didnt snoop. want me to? (12:18 AM)
Catra: prob nothing important, so go off (12: 19AM)
Lonnie: lemme grab it. wtf is up with u btw? havent talked (12:20 AM)
Catra: just work and stuff. boring. hbu? (12:20 AM)
Lonnie: bout the same. like one semester from getting my ba in business admin (12:21 AM)
Catra: that’s not boring. congrats (12:21 AM)
Figures Lonnie would go into something like that. She was always a go-get-‘em type. She’d kill it in a field like that.
Lonnie: ha thanks. still gaffin? (12:21 AM)
Catra: no one says that. i’m a gaffer (12:22 AM)
Lonnie: w/e, that lighting crap (12:22 AM)
Catra rolled her eyes. How hard was it to remember “gaffer”? Not like she was some incredible lighting designer. She did only work at a local news station. But hey, it’s a living and a foot in the door. She decided to mess around on her phone for a bit while Lonnie dug through whatever it was. She opened up Twitter, greeted by some inane discourse as per usual. The internet rarely changes.
After scrolling for a bit, she came across a picture Entrapta posted. It was her with her typical giant grin, standing next to a guy who looked strangely familiar. Catra squinted as she tried to place where she’d seen him before.
Lonnie: notebooks, a sketchbook, and a couple shirts (12:25 AM)
Catra: don’t care about the notebooks. what shirts? (12:26 AM)
Lonnie: mcr and avatar (12:26 AM)
So that’s where they’d gone. Catra thought they’d vanished into thin air.
Catra: i’ll come grab those (12:27 AM)
Lonnie: the sketchbook too? (12:27 AM)
Catra: what’s in it? (12:27 AM)
Lonnie: basic shit (12:27 AM)
After a pause for thought, Lonnie followed up.
Lonnie: oh wait. that girls in here (12:28 AM)
Catra: what girl? (12:28 AM)
Lonnie: that blond kid u kept talking about. theres a lot of her here (12:29 AM)
Catra stared at the screen for a good while. She had completely forgotten about that…all those art classes she took, almost exclusively for that purpose. Something like that might not be the best for her mental stability right now…but…
Catra: yeah i’ll take that too (12: 32 AM)
Lonnie: thought u would. what time r u off? (12:32 AM)
Catra: should be around 4. that work? (12:33 AM)
Lonnie: yup. see u 2mrw (12:33 AM)
Catra: see you (12:33 AM)
She closed the messaging app, only to be confronted again by the picture on Entrapta’s Twitter. This was definitely a weird night. She took a second to actually read the text:
SUPER PSYCHED for the #IASTEM conference with @bow_n_arrow!
Curious enough for some internet stalking, Catra tapped the unfamiliar handle and perused the new profile that popped up.
“Bow?” she wondered aloud.
Bow was an interesting name for sure, but more interesting was that Catra certainly knew she recognized him now. The question was from where. She opened her messages once more and pulled up Scorpia’s contact.
Catra: hey, you up? (12:40 AM)
Scorpia: Woah, I thought you had an early morning? 0_0 What are you still doing up? (12:42 AM)
Catra: look it’s important. the name Bow sound familiar? (12:42 AM)
Scorpia: That’s Entrapta’s old robotics club friend from high school. They’re both studying STEM together. Don’t you remember? :/ (12:43 AM)
Remember…no, Catra didn’t remember. And yet she knew this guy. Somehow, she was convinced they had met before. But definitely not through Entrapta.
Catra: you’re sure i met him? and Entrapta introduced us? (12:44 AM)
Scorpia: Wildcat, you’re SURE you’re okay??? You’ve been really weird all day and I want to be supportive but you’re kind of scaring me. (12:46 AM)
Catra: i’m fine Scorpia. just forget i asked (12:46 AM)
She sighed and set her phone down on the table, diverting her gaze to the ceiling. She’d wasted her night on whatever bullshit this was instead of getting some quality sleep. And she had to be up in 4 hours. Normally that would be her cue to force herself to go to bed.
But now? Oh, now she was more than awake.
She didn’t know why, but Catra was positive this Bow knew something about that girl. It was a gut feeling that she knew was completely illogical. This whole thought process was. Why she chose today to be the day that she reopened the door for it, after years of forgetting, of finally living in the moment instead of in some bizarre fantasy she dreamed up…well, guess she hadn’t moved on as much as she thought.
Vulnerable, she thought. I’m still vulnerable.
The ceiling didn’t give any answers or words of wisdom, despite Catra’s frustrated glare. Maybe, though. Maybe she could get some from her “old friend”.
Summoning some late night bad-decision energy, she picked up her phone once again and started to type a message to Bow.
@catrapedrosa: hey Bow. this is Catra. we went to high school together? (1:03 AM)
Catra eyed the message with intensity. Not that she was really expecting a response this late. That didn’t stop anxiety from bubbling up inside her. Much to her surprise, a response popped up.
@bow_n_arrow: Catra! Hey, what’s up? Never talked much b4 (1:05 AM)
She bit the inside of her cheek. How exactly was she supposed to phrase this?
@catrapedrosa: yeah, about that. i was wondering if you knew any blonde girls? (1:06 AM)
@bow_n_arrow: That’s…p random. You trying to hook up? (1:07 AM)
@catrapedrosa: what? no (1:07 AM)
@bow_n_arrow: Okay? Sooooooo why are you asking? (1:08 AM)
Catra groaned and pressed her hands over her eyes in frustration. Of course he wasn’t gonna just tell her about every blonde girl he knew.
@catrapedrosa: i feel like there’s a girl i used to know that i can’t remember. think you knew her too (1:09 AM)
@bow_n_arrow: Uhhhh maybe you mean Perfuma? (1:10 AM)
@catrapedrosa: no, not her. she was definitely way more pale. blue eyes. hair in a ponytail all the time (1:10 AM)
@bow_n_arrow: Ponytail? Oh you prob mean Adora. I didn’t know you 2 knew each other (1:11 AM)
“Adora…” Catra choked the name out.
The sound gave her goosebumps. The image of that peppy little kid seemed so much sharper, clearer, more vibrant. She could hear her laugh, the way she said Catra’s name. One word in particular rang out loud and clear in her mind.
Promise.
Catra’s trance was broken by the appearance of a new message.
@bow_n_arrow: You still there? (1:13 AM)
She shook her head as though to clear the thoughts and quickly typed out a response.
@catrapedrosa: yeah, i’m here. (1:13 AM)
@catrapedrosa: how do you know her? (1:13 AM)
@bow_n_arrow: I only know her thru Glimmer. They grew up in the same neighborhood (1:14 AM)
Glimmer? No, no, that wasn’t right. Why wasn’t that right? Why was that wrong? No chance Catra knew a childhood friend of Glimmer. Catra could barely stand that girl, why the hell would she know someone only through her?
@catrapedrosa: she didn’t go to high school with us? (1:15 AM)
@bow_n_arrow: No? I think she’d be in our yearbook if she had (1:16 AM)
Catra bit the inside of her cheek and hesitantly messaged:
@catrapedrosa: can you send me a picture of her? (1:18 AM)
After a few minutes of radio silence, a photo popped up on her screen.
And there she was.
She was exactly like Catra always pictured her. Ponytail neatly done up, giant smile, sparkling eyes. She stood casually with an arm slung over Glimmer’s shoulders, her free hand resting on her hip. Confident and relaxed, completely at ease. She looked natural. She looked happy.
Catra’s heart felt like it skipped a beat. It also felt like someone had just stabbed her in the chest. The most intense, cacophonous rush of emotion washed over her like a tidal wave. The urge to smile played on the corners of her mouth as tears prickled behind her eyes and threatened to spill over at the tiniest change in movement. She squeezed her eyes shut and pushed down a sob. Gripping her arms as though to hold herself together, she found herself curling up to bury her face in her knees.
What the hell was happening to her?
What the fuck was happening?
Sorrow so intense it felt like she would die. Happiness so pure it felt like she could live off of it for the rest of her life. Boiling fury that felt like she was being burned alive.
You left me.
The words rang out in her head and Catra’s eyes snapped back open. They pushed away the storm for a moment of sick clarity, only to let it swarm right back in with new torturous thoughts.
Who left her? Adora? She didn’t even know Adora.
But she knew that wasn’t true.
It couldn’t be. What kind of grown woman has a full-on breakdown over someone she’s never met? Either Catra needed a serious psychiatric evaluation, or there was something more there.
She took a few shaky breaths to help quell the absolute wreck of a state she was in. With trembling hands, she brought the screen into her vision. She needed to get in contact with her. If she could just meet this Adora, surely, everything would make sense.
@catrapedrosa: is she on Twitter? (1:34 AM)
@bow_n_arrow: No, she’s not really a social media type. I’ll ask Glim if she’s got any. Prob won’t get back 2 you til morning (1:36 AM)
Of course, she was going to be impossible to talk to. But that didn’t matter. Catra had a lead; a name and association were more than enough for her to go on. She saved the picture Bow sent to her phone and quickly forwarded it to Scorpia.
Catra: Adora. her name is Adora (1:38 AM)