Chapter Text
My name is Cassie. If you're reading this, you already know the drill. No last name, no location, no age. Because of the Yeerk invasion-parasitic aliens who crawl into your ear and connect to your brain. And once they've done that, they control you completely. They have full access not just to your body, but to your entire mind. Your memories, your thoughts, your fears, everything. So, even though we know who a few of them are, we can't possibly know who all of them are. If this gets into the wrong hands, we're all done for.
Especially now.
See, we were in the middle of a mission when I fell into the Pool. No, I wasn't that clumsy. There was a battle raging on in front of all six of us. While Marco was fighting a human Controller, and Jake didn't have enough time to morph, and was just trying to escape the line of fire. Literally-he was being shot at, and lost his balance.
Somehow, I managed to jump in front of him just in time to prevent him from falling into the Yeerk Pool. Except, as he managed to fall not into the Yeerk Pool but on the ground next to it, somehow, I ended up tripping over him.
I fell into the pool of dying Yeerks.
If there hadn't been a battle going on in front of me, someone would have grabbed me sooner. Falling into a Yeerk Pool, even one filled with dying Yeerks, was the kind of thing that we couldn't let happen to anyone.
Of course, if there hadn't been a battle going on, in all likelihood, no one would have fallen into the pool.
I don't know how long I was in the pool. I remembered being somewhat aware, and then I wasn't. When I came to, I was on the floor beside the pool, and I was hacking up a lung.
I could hear Jake telling everyone else that I'd been hurt. Of Rachel ordering Marco to grab me and get something to cover my face. The rest, I couldn't make out. I felt a lab coat being lifted over me, and Marco in his gorilla morph cradling me. Mostly, though, I was aware of this huge pain in my head, and how it seemed to be going away.
That was good, right? I mean, I should probably morph and demorph once the battle was over, just in case I had a concussion or something, but a lack of pain in my head had to be a positive sign.
I saw a flash of grey, and could detect the familiar odor of Rachel's elephant morph, even under the lab coat. I thought I heard a chuckle in my head.
I heard the screams of panic from the Controllers, and then being bounced and slammed against the walls. At one point, they dropped me. But then, they grabbed me and suddenly, there was fresh air.
Then, Marco pulled back the lab coat. (Cassie, you're alive, right? Man, that was intense! That is one hospital that's going to need some redecorating. Think you can run? Or morph?)
"Running's probably easier," I told him. "Marco, my head really hurts. I think something's wrong with it."
(You've got a headache? Yeah, not like I'm surprised!) he laughed, patting my shoulder. (Hang on, we've got things under control.)
We ran. Except, it didn't completely feel like I was running.
It had to be a concussion. As soon as we were completely out of sight, I'd morph. Something simple, like a horse. Maybe, I should have done that already. Too late now.
Once we were truly out of danger, though, I noticed other things I'd been overlooking. Or ignoring. Like, my body had been moving, but my senses felt off. Less acute. Could a concussion have done this? Also, when I tried to move my eyes in one direction, or my arms, or really, any part of my body, it seemed to take a little longer for them to respond.
Then, there was the growing uneasiness of another presence in my mind. As much as I tried to ignore it, I couldn't. Once we stood there, laughing at having escaped, and Jake telling me that they should take me to a hospital, because I might have a concussion, I heard the voice speak to me.
(Hello, Cassie. Please don't be frightened. I promise, I won't hurt you.)
The voice was distinctly not my own. Before, if I couldn't sleep and was worrying about what would happen if we were all captured and infested, I would wonder how a Yeerk might sound when they spoke to a host. Did they each have a distinct voice, the way my friends and I sounded when we used thought speech while in morph? Or, was it more like your own thoughts inside your head, except you knew it came from an alien slug?
Honestly, I expected more along the lines of a villain out of a horror movie.
So, when I heard the Yeerk speak to me, I definitely hadn't expected to hear a voice that sounded gentle. Even pleasant sounding.
Granted, I was still terrified. The Yeerk might have a kind sounding voice, but hearing it confirmed my worst suspicions. I was trapped. A slave in my head. Powerless, completely powerless, to do or say anything to my friends.
I was trapped.
I would have screamed out loud, but it was like I had lost that ability. I just stood there, frozen. Except, I wasn't. I was telling Jake that I was fine, that I could just morph and demorph, while I was fully aware that I had no awareness of making myself say these words.
Hearing myself speak, knowing it wasn't really me, I did scream, then—but only in my head.
(Yeerk! GET OUT!)
Then, in spite of myself, because I had to know that this would be futile, I tried to move, to wave my arms, my legs, to do anything. Even to blink. I couldn't. How hadn't I noticed my body being stolen from me before?
I'd been in denial.
It had still been working, hadn't it? Had been moving, functioning? But, now, it all made sense. The way my body hadn't responded immediately—or now, at all—to my mental commands. The other presence in my head. The laugh.
Oh, God. I was a Controller.
I was a Controller, and my friends had no idea. They wouldn't-until it was too late.
Because, I knew all too well, this Yeerk in my head—she had access to all of my memories. She would shake off my friends, and head straight to Visser Three. My friends and their families would be infested, immediately. Or killed. Would Visser Three prefer five morph capable bodies to give to his loyal soldiers, or would he prefer to be the only one, and simply execute us?
He would definitely execute Tobias, since no Yeerk could fit inside the brain of a red-tailed hawk.
(No!) the voice protested, less gentle and far more urgent, this time. I felt another emotion, too. Hurt? (No, Cassie, I promise, I won't do that.)
This calmed me down, a little.
Not much, but if I had been at an 11 on the proverbial 1 to 10 freakout mode scale, I was now probably around a 9.
Then again, maybe I wasn't processing things well enough. Or, she was lying. Was it a she? Did Yeerks have genders?
(We don't,) she told me, her voice now gentle again. Which, somehow, made it even worse. (But we usually take on the gender pronoun of our assigned host, if they have a gender. My last host as female, and you are, of course, so you can think of me as a she.)
Okay, then. My captor, my enslaver, the Yeerk who was going to betray as and doom the entire planet—unless the Andalites showed up within the next few hours—was a "she".
(Cassie, you have to listen to me,) she told me, firmly. (I'm not going to betray you. Or your friends. Just, let me explain!)
(Why should I believe anything you say?) I demanded, and I was sure that the panic was showing in my voice. (Because, in case you can't tell, you're a Yeerk, and your whole empire is set on taking over the planet. Not to mention the fact that, right now, you're in my head, controlling my body! Give me one reason I should believe you.)
(I have two reasons,) she answered, and I could have sworn I heard her sigh in my head, (but I don't think you'll believe either of them. Please, Cassie, I'm going to let you go, but you need to listen to me, and do what I say, or else you will be reinfested when I leave you at the Yeerk Pool, and it probably will be with a Yeerk who will turn you and your friends in to Visser Three.)
I noticed her shudder at the mention of his name. Not out of fear, but from anger.
While this didn't exactly endear me to this Yeerk, it also piqued my interest. Slightly. Maybe she was acting, but she sure seemed to hate Visser Three.
Besides, this Yeerk went against any mental picture I could have conjured of a Yeerk. Maybe it was an act, but she seemed…well…kind. Certainly, more afraid than a typical tyrannical parasite.
It was probably an act, though. But for what reason? If she was going to turn us in—and of course, she would—why pretend otherwise? Why claim to have two reasons not to do so? To get me to not fight her?
I'd heard about what Yeerks call "host rebellions". When someone manages to break through, usually just for a second or so. Jake had told me he was sure he had seen Tom rebel against his Yeerk, when we had attended that Sharing barbecue together. One minute, Tom had been talking about how great The Sharing was and how to become a member, and the next, his face had changed. I hadn't seen it, but it had been enough to alert Jake. To put him on guard against this seemingly perfect organization.
Then, we found out that it was just a front for the Yeerks.
How hard had Tom fought his Yeerk, just to break through for that second or so? How much had he suffered, afterwards?
Would my friends even notice if I rebelled hard enough against this Yeerk to break through? I'd fallen into the pool, but they were more concerned about a concussion than infestation.
I tried, again, to fight her control. To do something, anything. Except, the Yeerk's grip on my head was complete. I couldn't even blink on my own, let alone make a face or shout a warning.
(Cassie. Please,) she spoke again, and I noticed how scared she seemed. (Please, just give me a few minutes to explain.)
I wanted to sigh, but, of course, I couldn't. (Or what?) I retorted.
She sighed. (In an hour, we'll be at the Yeerk Pool. If you don't listen to me, you won't get out. I know you think I'm lying to you, but if that's the case, would it really hurt you to listen to what I have to say?) She paused, just for a second, before adding, (Look, it's not like you can get control.)
I threw myself at her control again, putting everything I had into it.
Nothing.
I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.
(Fine,) I practically growled. (But you better make it quick.)
I noticed that my friends were still talking and walking. "I" was contributing when appropriate. No one seemed to notice anything was wrong.
(Thank you.) She sounded sincere, grateful, even. (All right. My name is Liliss Three-Two-Five of the Sulp Niar pool. Do you know what that is?)
I would have shaken my head, if I had control. (No,) I admitted.
(I'm among the quarter million Yeerks who were first born in space, after…) The Yeerk—Liliss—paused, just for a second, before continuing. (Anyway, that was the first set of Yeerk spawning to be born outside of the home world.)
(I don't need a history lesson about the Yeerk empire,) I complained. (Just get to the point.)
Liliss closed my eyes, briefly, then opened them quickly. Before anyone could see, probably.
(We were the first generation to be born outside of our home planet. War with the Andalites had just begun, but very few Yeerks ended up with hosts during those first years. Aside from elderly Gedds used for training. Every Yeerk had to be trained with one of those Gedds, but most didn't enjoy the experience of infestation. Myself included.) At my obvious confusion, Liliss explained further. (At training, a Yeerk enters the ear of a Gedd and has fifteen minutes, from the start of the infestation process, to enter the mind and experience the supposed wonders of a host. By the time all of the connections are made, especially since it's the first time a Yeerk has ever infested a host body, they probably have five minutes left of being connected to a host. Then, they leave, and it's the next Yeerk's turn.)
I shuddered. (The poor Gedd.)
(I know.) Liliss' revulsion was evident. (When it was my turn, I hated it. I knew that Yeerks could enter the ears of other species and experience senses that were completely unknown to us. Like sight, and, at times, better hearing. We're blind and half deaf in the Yeerk Pool, but we can detect images by using sonar, and we speak to each other using squeaks and clicks. I never felt like I was deprived for not having a host, and I was apprehensive when it came to be my turn to infest the Gedd.)
As she spoke, I became aware of images. Memories? Liliss must have sensed that her time limit I had imposed on her was running out, and this was a better way to tell me what she wanted me to know. I would have protested, but her memories were too powerful.
I saw Liliss enter the Gedd's ear and make her way to the brain, worried about getting lost, getting trapped. Opening various parts of the brain, like hearing and touch, only to feel confused and even nauseous. The only part that she could say she enjoyed was sight, but even that felt like entering a too bright room. She felt the Gedd's mind—a male. He was used to being controlled, and did not protest, but clearly did not enjoy being used for training purposes. Finally, it was time for Liliss to leave the Gedd, and she made her way out much faster than in. Belatedly, after entering the pool again, she worried if she had forgotten to use the painkiller anesthetic when she left her host's ear. She couldn't recall either way.
(Most of us hated the experience,) Liliss told me, now. (And never wanted to infest another host again. We were happy in the pool, and none of the senses seemed to make up for not being able to be in the pool. Not that we'd tell this to our higher ups, because it would seem disloyal. But we did know that there were very few hosts that were available, so the chances that any of us would be called on take another host body were slim.)
A part of me sympathized with Liliss. I still wasn't sure that I could trust her, but her memories felt real. Then again, she'd infested me. Things had clearly changed since her first experience.
(Some of us worried, after the discovery of the Hork-Bajir, that we would be summoned to infest them and fight. Our brother Yeerks who had infested them told us that their bodies were much superior to the Gedds, but their minds were very loud. They screamed at us every minute of the day, and some of the Yeerks had resorted to playing back painful memories of theirs, in order to stop their screaming.) Liliss shuddered. (That's when we discovered how to break a host's mind. Before that, we had no real need. The Yeerks on our planet evolved with the Gedds, and from what the elder Yeerks in my pool told me, the relationship was beneficial for both. Gedds weren't very smart, so we could use our minds to help them find water, more food, that sort of thing. I don't think they even took full control, most of the time. There were no cages on the home world.)
(What changed, then?) I asked, a little darkly.
Liliss sighed. (You'll have to ask your Andalite friend about that, Cassie.)
She wouldn't say anything else, I knew. (Okay. So, you hated infesting the Gedd, and you didn't want to get a Hork-Bajir. Then, what?)
(Many of my siblings were assigned Hork-Bajir, but I wasn't one of them, and before long, the Quantum Virus was released and nearly all of them were killed. I wasn't assigned a host until over ten years after my first one, and it was a Gedd,) Liliss told me.
(Wait, what's a Quantum Virus?) I interrupted.
Liliss gave me another sigh. (Another question for your Andalite friend. It's too long to get into, today, Cassie.)
(Okay.) I wasn't in the mood to argue with her on that. (So, you got your first Gedd host?)
(Yes,) Liliss confirmed. (My Gedd who was happy that I was there. Infestation wasn't as bad the second time, and even though I preferred being in the pool to having a host, I couldn't just refuse.) She gave a mental shrug. (I became used to it, after awhile. My next host was a Hork-Bajir, who hated me. I didn't use the techniques they taught for "host discipline", and I just tried to shut out the noise.) She shuddered. (My next host, the one I had before you—)
(I am not your host!) I shot back at her, before I could stop myself.
I felt Liliss recoil, mentally. Not enough to lift her control on me—I tried fighting again, to no avail—but she certainly shrunk back.
(N-no,) she agreed, stammering a little. (I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.)
I wanted to sigh again, to close my eyes. I noticed that my friends and I had now taken a break, and were sitting down beside a tree.
(Okay. Fine. Just—just go on,) I told her.
(Well, she was an elderly female. Her name was Margaret, but everyone called her Meg. She had joined The Sharing a few months after her husband died. They had been unable to reproduce, and she didn't have many friends. Her family lived in other parts of the country. So, Meg readily agreed to become a full member, and when she was infested, she didn't fight, because her first Yeerk was kind to her. They became friends, and after two years, her Yeerk was promoted to a younger human host. That was when I was assigned to her.) Liliss showed me pictures of this woman as she spoke, as well as her deceased husband. (I didn't—we received training on how to treat human hosts if they rebel, and warnings to treat voluntary ones civilly because we didn't want them to rebel. But, Meg was so happy to have me in her head, since her first one was so kind to her, that we quickly became friends.)
It wasn't impossible to imagine, I guessed. If a Yeerk was used to a screaming host and was then given one who actually wanted them there, I could see why a friendship—if an unequal one—could form. Especially after this Meg had already been friends with her previous Yeerk.
(Then, what happened?) I asked.
I admit, by this time, I had almost forgotten that I was a slave in my body. That my friends had no idea I was a Controller. I didn't trust Liliss, wasn't sure I believed everything she had told me, but that didn't stop me from wanting to hear what happened next.
(About a year after Meg became my host, we both noticed that her vision was starting to deteriorate. Her depth perception had become so poor that we didn't think it was safe for us to drive anywhere. A few times, I nearly fell down her staircase. I purchased a cane so that we could use this for balance.) More images, accompanied by fear. At one point, nearly burning the house down, because Liliss hadn't turned off the gas stove correctly. (It turned out to be a degenerative disease. The doctor scheduled an operation for Meg, both to restore part of her vision and to prevent it from becoming worse. I had to feed right before the procedure, so I told her that I would return once she regained consciousness.) Liliss swallowed. (I waited for hours past my feeding, but they didn't return me to her. When I reported via one of the computers that I was still there, I received a message that Meg's operation hadn't gone well, so they had eliminated her as a host body. That I would receive a new one shortly.)
Had I had control of my body, I would have gasped. (They murdered her?!)
Liliss gave me a mental nod. (A partially or entirely blind host is of no use to the empire, after all,) she explained, her tone bitter. (So, yes, Cassie. They murdered her. Not that they would call it that.)
It made sense, now. Why Liliss wouldn't automatically give me and my friends up to Visser Three. He might have not given the order directly, but he certainly had killed his fair share of people. He would have had no qualms about murdering a woman who could no longer see.
(There's more, too,) Liliss added. (Shortly after I received Meg as a host, I began to hear stories of a Yeerk Peace Movement. Many Yeerks who felt it was wrong to infest and take control of any host body who did not want you there. As well as an increased disdain for the Yeerk empire as a whole.)
(There are Yeerks who think like that?) I couldn't help asking.
Liliss laughed, a little. (We're not all like Visser Three. Even those of us who want hosts aren't oblivious to their suffering. Besides, with the discovery of Earth, there are so many humans that even if only one in a few thousand would welcome a Yeerk, that would be more than enough for every Yeerk to have a host. Especially if we didn't take control and gave you privacy.)
I gave her a mental glare. (You're still in full control, Liliss.)
(By necessity. Your friends would kill me, Cassie,) she pointed out. (And I haven't opened your memories.)
That came as a surprise. (What?)
(It's true,) she insisted. (I can hear your thoughts, but I haven't opened any of your memories. I know what you're thinking, and that's it.)
(Okay, but that's still more than I want,) I pointed out.
Another sigh. (I know. I'm sorry, but I can't help that. Anyway, I'll be leaving your head to go to the pool, and I promise, I won't let anyone know who the "Andalite Bandits" are, or infest you or your families. You have my word.)
Something happened, then. Not in my head, but outside. It must have been a look that Liliss gave Ax, or maybe, she hesitated a little too long. Whatever it was, Ax's tail blade was suddenly at our throat.
(Yeerk!) he shouted.