Chapter Text
He’s not sure why he does it. Maybe it’s the pressure Rachel’s been putting on him to find a boyfriend. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s the only single one on karaoke night, the awkward fifth, seventh, ninth wheel. Maybe it’s because he’s lonely and the nights get long, and the other side of his bed is starting to feel strangely empty.
Whatever the reason, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s one in the morning on a Wednesday night, and Kurt Hummel has just completed an online dating profile. He uploads a picture of himself sitting at his desk in the Vogue office, to show he’s committed to work, one of him smiling at the bar with Rachel, to show he likes to have a good time, and one someone took during a NYADA performance, just because he looks really damn good.
He feels a mix of accomplishment and slight embarrassment at his finished profile, and in the time it takes for him to go to the bathroom and wash his face he already has fifteen new messages, twelve of them cheesy pickup lines with bad grammar. It makes him preen a little, at the attention his profile has gotten in only a few minutes, and he closes his computer and heads to bed, tries to imagine the Taylor Lautner look alike that he’s sure is sending him a message right now.
The rest of the week is busy with midterms and a deadline at Vogue and Kurt barely has time to sleep, let alone try and strike up an online romance. It’s not until exams and performance reviews are firmly tucked behind him that Kurt has a moment to draw the curtains firmly shut on his half of the loft, and open his laptop. He hasn’t told anyone about his account, is a bit embarrassed that he’s resorting to this method to try and meet people, and he doesn’t want Rachel to tease him about it while simultaneously taking control of his profile and matching him up with guys she finds hot enough.
So when he logs on and finds that he has eighty-five new messages waiting for him, he’s a bit flattered but very dumbfounded. He opens a few of them, not even really sure where to start. The problem with New York, he’s realizing, is that it’s big, and full of people, and online dating is proving to be just as overwhelming as real life dating. There are so many people, he feels crowded and stifled and doesn’t know where to start.
He clicks on the link to show him his matches, begins to scroll through page after page of men that a computer program has decided would be a good fit for him. There are a couple maybe’s, a handful of oh my’s, and quite a few hell no’s that he quickly scrolls away from. He sends a few messages to a few users whose profiles don’t come across as total douchebag, or like they’re trying to hard. It’s almost addicting, Kurt realizes after nearly an hour has gone by, looking through profiles, sitting back and judging pictures, trying decide if Mr. Sixpack really does volunteer at animal shelters three times a week.
He’s about to log off when a pop up notifies him that he has a new message, and he clicks on it automatically. It’s from someone named Warbler2123, and the message is relatively short.
Hi there! I’m not one to really message people here but I saw you work at Vogue and I couldn’t help myself, I had to ask what it’s like there? I’ve collected every issue since I was 14 and… that probably sounds a bit pathetic, but I’ve always been a fan of Isabelle Wright’s vision and it must be amazing to work with her.
I’m rambling now, I’m sorry.
Kurt finds himself smiling slightly, the message oddly endearing. Or maybe it’s because it’s one of the first messages that hasn’t solely consisted of remarking on his looks or asking him to join a threesome. He clicks through to Warbler2123’s profile; his name is Blaine A., his age just a year younger than Kurt’s. Blaine A’s profile is fairly empty, simply states that he’s a student at Columbia University and he enjoys singing, Broadway shows, Ewan McGregor movies, and building robots. Okay… a little odd, but at least it seems honest, Kurt figures, not full of exaggerated truths about spending hours at the gym and boastful statements about they’re just such a nice guy.
He’s disappointed to find there’s only one picture and it’s slightly blurry, like it was taken on someone’s phone. But the boy in the picture is cute, curls peeking out from under a beanie hat, a tastefully colored scarf wrapped around his neck, a shy smile pulling at pink lips.
Kurt feels compelled to answer, clicks back to the message.
Hello there, Blaine, whose name I got from your profile and not from a proper introduction. Don’t worry about sounding pathetic, I’ve collected every issue since I was 12, so I’ve got you beat! Working with Isabelle is a dream, although my job mostly consists of refilling her coffee and holding up fabric swatches, though she occasionally calls me in to settle a stylistic disagreement.
My name is Kurt, by the way. Nice to meet you.
Kurt sends the message with a satisfied jab at his keyboard.
-
He wakes up the next morning with a notification in his email that he has a new message.
I’m so sorry, it was rude of me not to introduce myself, wasn’t it. I’m new to this whole… dating website thing, so I apologize. You caught me a little off guard, I honestly wasn’t expecting you to message someone like me back. Can I ask, how does Isabelle take her coffee? That was really creepy of me, wasn’t it. I’m sure you must be very talented if she has you settling disagreements, so color me jealous.
It’s nice to meet you, Kurt.
The message makes Kurt smile, despite how fumbling and awkward it is. This Blaine seems genuine, and Kurt can almost imagine him blushing as he writes it, probably thinking too hard about every word. He sips at his coffee as he considers it, lets the caffeine wake him up a little before responding.
I accept your apology, but ‘someone like you’? What’s that supposed to mean? Someone well-mannered and polite? You have nothing to worry about ;)
Isabelle takes her coffee black in the morning, but around three she likes a nonfat latte with extra caramel drizzle on top. That’s classified information, I’ll have you know, so don’t be spreading it around the black-market or anything. How do you take your coffee, Blaine? And I don’t know about talented, per se, but I’ll admit that sometimes I have an eye for things that she seems to appreciate! I’m just really lucky, I think.
What about you, mysterious Blaine? What do you do aside from marathoning Ewan McGregor movies?
Kurt stares at the winky face for a moment, tries to decide if it’s too much before shaking his head and sending the message. Screw it. This is an online dating website, isn’t it? He’s supposed to be a little flirtatious, otherwise what’s the point.
He finishes his coffee in a long swig before standing up and moving to the closet to pick out his outfit for the day. He has a presentation in his History of Theater class and he needs to look good.
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Blaine to Kurt:
You know, someone as… good looking and fashionable as you, messaging someone far less good looking and fashionable and interesting. That’s what I meant. And now I’m making a fool of myself, aren’t I? Again.
I take my coffee black with cream, and sometimes I like to sprinkle cinnamon on top, to spice things up. Very interesting, I know. How do you take your coffee? Aside from watching Mr. McGregor, I mostly stay at home studying for my classes or working on various projects. I know it sounds super nerdy, but I build robots for fun. I can already hear you running away screaming, so I’ll just leave it at that.
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Kurt to Blaine:
What’s with all this self-deprecating business, Blaine? I demand it stops, right now. I don’t talk to anyone I don’t find interesting, so don’t you worry! And how am I supposed to know how fashionable you are with your one measly little picture? Though from what I can see, that is a very fashionable scarf. I know my Burberry knock offs when I see one.
Do I sound like I’m running away? It is a little nerdy, but I want to dance at people who criticize me for a living, so who am I to judge? All I know about robots is that Wall-E and Eve were totally meant to be and that movie made me cry. I cried, Blaine! I cried for robots.
Ahem. I take my coffee with enough creamer and chocolate that it probably isn’t actually classified as coffee anymore. The more expensive, the better.
-
Blaine to Kurt
Well, there’s a bit more to robots than Wall-E, as they aren’t really sentient beings but… yes. That movie made me cry too. And I may have built myself a robot that looks similar to Wall-E, but that was just a coincidence, I swear! Totally, 100% coincidence.
And what would Isabelle say about my Burberry knock off? I’m a fashion disgrace, Kurt.
-
Kurt to Blaine
You’re right, Blaine. You’re a total fashion disgrace. You should hand in your gay man’s card to good fashion sense this instance. Though, considering the abhorrent fashion I’ve seen on this website, you’re holding pretty strong.
So… now that we’ve discussed our coffee orders and our knack for crying over animated robots in children’s movies, would you want to maybe meet sometime for more coffee and more robot discussion? I could give you more intel on the secret life of Isabelle Wright.
This is me asking you out on a date. If that wasn’t obvious.
-
Blaine sits on his twin mattress on the floor, his back pressed against the wall, and stares at his computer screen. He can hear Cooper messing around in the kitchen, can smell some sort of curry wafting through the crack in his door, but he doesn’t get annoyed like he usually would. Instead he stares at the small words on his screen, can’t really believe what he’s reading.
He touches his nose, twitches his shoulder up to his ear. Kurt just asked him out on a date and he wants to, he wants so much, but… he touches his nose again. The sun is setting outside and he hasn’t bothered to turn on the light, finds himself sitting in the dark, still staring at the message. He knows what Cooper would tell him, he was the one who made him the stupid profile in the first place.
You’re not doing yourself any good sitting in your room alone, bucko, he had said when Blaine had discovered what he was doing. He’d tell him to go for it, to live a little. But… he’d tried that, before. And look where that had gotten him.
He closes his eyes for a moment, draws in a deep breath. Touches his nose.
Okay.
-
Blaine to Kurt:
Sure, coffee would be nice.