Archive of Our Own

Bakuto-san. Um. hello.

You told me to talk to you as if you were still here.

It helps, I guess.

"Akaashi! Akhgggaaaasashiiiiiiii!"

The sound of distant wailing was what drove Keiji to the realms of consciousness. He scrunched his eyes tightly before opening them, blinking several times in an attempt to make his eyes focus. It didn't help much; everything around him was dark. He frowned as he looked around, trying to make sense of where he was.

"Akaashi, please," There was the distant wailing again, softer than before, yet it was distracting him. It was hurting his head. It should be quiet.

Wait.

"Bokuto-san?" He groaned tiredly, though it came out more like an unintelligible mumble that sounded like "bcktsn?"

"AGKAAASHHIII! Oh thank god I thought you were dead and I thought it was my fault and Akaashi I thought I killed you-"

Keiji closed his eyes tiredly. "Bokuto-san. Please be quiet. You are hurting my head." He would've massaged his head if his arms didn't feel like dead weights attached to him.

"Oh, sorry. I was just really-"

"Bokuto-san."

There were a few moments of blissful silence where he simply relaxed his head on the seat behind him.

It wasn't until then he thought he should maybe figure out where he was, how he got there, and why everything hurt.

"Bokuto-san. What happened."

He could practically feel Bokuto vibrating with nervous intensity next to him. He would've been worried if he wasn't so tired.

"You don't remember? We were going driving and then-"

Sometimes the human brain was amazing. Sometimes it only took one word for someone to connect the dots and let the floodgates open.

Bokuto had wanted to go driving. He had, for whatever insane reason, worked extremely hard to get his driver's license. There was practically zero point in doing so, most people living in the middle of Tokyo never bothered getting one, and if they did it was because they actually needed transportation.

But Bokuto was very persistent. He went on and on about how he needed a drivers license, how it would give him freedom or whatever, and Keiji just went with it.

When he finally got his license, the first thing he wanted to do was go driving with Keiji.

The last thing he remembered was Bokuto driving late at night down a questionably narrow road that was barely fenced off from a rather dangerous cliff that if someone fell off of they would likely die. Or get seriously injured. Or something.

He knew full well it wasn't Bokuto's fault. He was surprisingly a really good and very safe driver. But there was another driver on the road, one who clearly should not have been driving.

Next thing they knew, they were crashed into, shoved off the road, and rolling down a cliff.

Keiji was probably knocked unconscious after that.

"-and we're gonna diiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!"

Keiji snapped back to attention, having forgotten that Bokuto was talking. Whoops.

"I don't think we are going to die, Bokuto-san." Probably. Though that did bring up a concerning question. "Are you injured at all? Can you move?"

Bokuto was quiet for a moment, which somewhat caused him to worry. He wasn't too seriously injured, right? It was a hard crash, it was possible he had been. Oh no no no no what if Bokuto was right what if Bokuto died Keiji wouldn't know what to do-

"I think I'm fine. I mean, my legs hurt like hell, and the dashboard is literally crushing one of them, but all in all, I think I'm good. What about you?"

Bokuto strength #17 and weakness #24: extreme adrenaline causes him to barely notice, or in some occasions, not register pain or exhaustion. Pro: higher stamina and determination, Con: is not aware when he is overworked, can cause worse injury.

Keiji breathed a sigh of relief. Bokuto was fine, or at least not in so much pain he is unable to function. Okay. cool.

Registering Bokuto's question, he did a quick assessment of his injuries. He hurt everywhere and his head was pounding, but other than that he felt fine. He didn't think he was pinned by anything, so maybe he could move and-

As soon as he attempted to sit up, white-hot pain filled his entire being. It took all his effort not to cry out in pain as he leaned back against his chair and reserved to not do that again.

"It hurts to move," he said, breathing heavily. "But I think I'm fine."

He could almost feel Bokuto's relief as if it was his own.

But now the question was, how did they get out of here? The car was likely laying at the bottom of a cliff outside the city. It wasn't like anyone knew they were here.

"Bokuto-san, have you tried calling someone? We should probably figure out how to get out of here."

"Oh! Right. Good idea."

Bakuto shifted a little around him, though from what he could tell his movements were stiff, likely restricted by the pinned leg.

"Got it."

Next to him, Bokuto's screen turned on and lit up the small space around it, close enough to Bokuto to give Keiji a clear enough view of him.

He looked a little pale, but he didn't seem like he was in serious pain. Keiji let out another sigh of relief.

But when Bokuto's face scrunched up in frustration, He only grew more worried.

"What is it?"

When Bokuto turned back around, he spoke with a tint of fear.

"We don't have any service out here. We can't call anyone."

Keiji paled in realization, he hadn't missed Bokuto's unspoken words. No ones coming for us.

I'm really tired. I'm even more tired now that you're not here.

I miss you. I wish you would come back.

Why'd you have to leave, Bakuto-san?

"Bokuto-san. Calm down."

"Akaashi how are we supposed to get to out of here neither of us can move no one knows where we are Akaashi-"

"Bokuto."

The other teen had managed to talk himself into a panic, and Keiji had been trying to calm him down for the last five minutes.

"I'm sure someone will notice we've been gone too long and come looking for us soon. We'll be fine. Just breathe."

"Okay." He could hear Bokuto inhaling deeply next to him, and letting out a slow exhale. "Okay. You're right."

"I'm always right, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto choked out a laugh and Keiji couldn't help but smile to himself.

Everything was going to be alright.

It had to be.

Everything hurts.

Keiji was beginning to worry he was more injured than he had let on.

If he was, he chalked it up to adrenaline. Or being too exhausted to notice. But the more he just laid there in the cold silence, the more pain he was in.

Maybe he broke a rib or something. Yeah. That would do it. It would explain his inability to move.

That wasn't what he was worried about.

If Keiji had been too high on adrenaline to notice an injury, Bokuto definitely had been.

If Bokuto was more injured than he was letting on, Keiji wouldn't know what to do. What if he was bleeding out and hadn't noticed? It was definitely within the realm of possibility, knowing Bokuto.

If Bokuto died-

Nope. Not gonna think about it.

"Akaaaaaaaasshhhiiiii."

Bakuto's voice was, for once, a welcome distraction.

"Yes?"

"I'm bored."

The corner of his mouth turned upwards. "You're always bored, Bakuto-san."

He could almost see Bokuto's huff of annoyance, and his smile turned into a smirk.

"Well, if you're bored," Keiji started slowly, mentally preparing for Bokuto's response. "What do you propose we do about it?"

"I don't know. I'm just bored."

Keiji rolled his eyes. Bokuto weakness #13: when bored, it's nearly impossible to get him not-bored when he doesn't have an idea of his own.

"Fine. What do you want to talk about, then?"

Weakness #13 solution: when all else fails, simply talking for fun almost always works.

Bokuto perked up next to him, and immediately launched into a story of how Kuroo ruthlessly pranked him the other day that Keiji only half paid attention to.

But, while it was a good distraction for Bokuto, it was a great distraction from Keiji.

Though, the longer the story-and the longer the wait for someone to find them- the longer Keiji found it harder to stay awake.

What else should I say?

It's not like you're ever going to hear this.

I mean, maybe you will, but I doubt I'll ever know.

I'm just going to say whatever comes to mind.

He was getting really tired.

They had been waiting for no longer than half an hour, and Keiji was beginning to give up hope.

No, he had to keep face for Bokuto. If Keiji gave up, Bokuto would soon follow, and he would not let that happen.

But he was getting more worried. The longer the night went on, the colder it got.

He doubted it would get cold enough to cause any real damage, but the colder it got, the harder it was for him to stay awake. And if he fell asleep, who knew what Bokuto would do.

No. He needed to stay conscious.

"Bokuto-san."

"Hmm? What?" Bokuto had clearly been on the verge of sleep himself.

"You need to stay awake. How are your injuries?"

"Uuumm," Bokuto started, "Fine? I guess? I'm pretty sure my leg is broken, though. It hurts reaaaaaalllly bad. I definitely can't move on it."

Keiji had to silently applaud Bokuto's pain resistance, and pray it wasn't just because Bokuto was trying to hold face while Akaaski was there.

Bokuto weakness #31: refuses to show others when he is in pain. Solution: glare at him until he admits to an injury.

Though, if Bokuto was admitting that it hurt, even if spoken casually, that was not a good sign.

They needed to get out of there, and soon.

There was so much I wanted to tell you. Um.

I'm really glad we are friends. I'm really glad I met you. You're the best friend I ever had.

I hope you know that.

Bokuto-san. Bokuto.

"Hey, Akaashi "

"Bored again, Bokuto-san?"

"...ya"

Keiji smiled to himself, rolling his eyes fondly. "What is it?"

"Are ya gonna miss me?"

Keiji flinched, forgetting that it hurt to move as he went to sit up and suddenly laying back down when pain even worse than before flooded his entire body. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and clenched his jaw in a substantial effort to not scream in pain.

What?

He also felt a wave of cold anger within him. Was this Bokuto giving up? Did he think that he was going to die out here with Keiji sitting next to him, unable to do anything? No, not on his watch.

"Akaashi?" Bokuto must have heard his sharp intake of breath, as Keiji could hear the underlying worry in his voice.

"You are not going to die, Bokuto-san." He spoke somewhat raggedly, his attempted movement from earlier taking a lot out of him. "If you do, I will kill you myself."

'What? I didn't say that- Oh. I wasn't talking about that, Akaashi, I meant after I graduated."

Keiji simultaneously relaxed and tensed up all over again. He had been avoiding the idea of Bokuto graduating a year ahead of him for months now, maybe even years. So had Bokuto, who had yet to mention it once. Until now, at least.

"Of course I am," Keiji said, almost nonchalantly.

"Oh." Was the response he got in return. "I'm gonna miss you, too."

He smiled sadly, trying to ignore his further increased heart rate at the other teen's sentiment. Of course Bokuto would miss him, they've been friends-best friends- for almost two years now. Keiji's feelings for him wouldn't change that at all.

Of course, unless he told Bokuto how he really felt about him.

But no, he was a coward. He lived in fear of rejection since he discovered he liked-loved- his best friend. He decided long ago that he would say nothing on the matter until Bokuto's graduation, because then, at least, there wouldn't be a possibility of seeing his best friend hate him every single day.

He'd rather die than ruin their friendship.

Not to mention, the idea of Bokuto graduating and leaving him behind hurt like almost nothing else, even more so that it was unavoidable. In a few months Bokuto would leave, find new friends and a new team, and he would move on.

Keiji didn't know if he ever could.

He sighed yet again as he closed his eyes. Now was not the time to think about this.

"Keiji! I have an idea?"

Yet again, the easily bored and quick to talk Bokuto was there to drive him out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes tiredly. "Yes, Bokuto-san?"

"Maybe if we turn on the car light people will see us here."

Huh. That was actually a good idea. He vaguely wondered why he didn't think of it.

"Yeah, good idea. Do that."

There was some strained shuffling next to him and suddenly the world around him lit up completely.

"There, that should wo- AKAASHI!"

He didn't respond, he didn't have to. He had made the exact same realization Bokuto had.

Looking down at his stomach, which until now he had paid little enough attention to that it only caused pain when he thought about it, he suddenly realized why he couldn't move.

A piece of a metal frame of the car, a rather large one at that, was sticking into his abdomen. Though, perhaps 'sticking out of' was a better phrase of worse, as the frame was coming out of him from the behind.

Blood. There was so much blood. How he hadn't noticed before was beyond him.

Then it all registered to him at once. Suddenly he could feel the frame inside him, where it entered and left his body. And it hurt. A lot.

The white hot pain that he had felt briefly before expanded tenfold, filling up his body with no intention of moving. He felt like he couldn't breathe, gasping for breath yet no air came in.

Someone was screaming, but he couldn't hear it. Maybe it was more than one person, even. Everything was muffled as his senses zeroed in completely on what he saw in front of him.

Something grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. It grounded him enough that it was the last thing he registered before everything went black.

I'm really scared. I've never been this terrified in my life.

-aashi! Please wake up, please please please, Akaashi!"

When he finally came to, he was in a world of hurt. The penetrating heat he felt hadn't subdued in the slightest.

"Akaashi thank god you're awake please never do that again you scared me so much please-

He felt numb, yet he felt everything around him in extreme detail. The draft hit his skin mercilessly, stinging his bare arms. The light was almost blinding him, yet closing his eyes seemed like too much effort. His breathing was heavy and frantic yet he felt completely calm.

"Akaashi!"

The frantic voice snapped him out of his daze and he yet again remembered the stabbing pain inside him.

Something around him whimpered. Was that him?

"Boku..bokuto-san." His words were weak and slow. They sounded how he felt.

"Akaashi, I was so scared I turned on the light and you started screaming and I saw- and then you passed out and I thought you were- please Akaashi you have to stay awake please promise me you will stay awake!"

He closed his eyes tiredly. "I promise, Bokuto-san."

"Akaashi!"

He managed to open his eyes enough to send Bokuto a half-hearted glare. "What?"

"You promised to stay awake. Keep your eyes open." Bokuto's tone went from panicked to serious in a matter of seconds. Bokuto strength #10: when teammates are threatened or endangered, almost immediately goes into the role of the protector.

That was one of Bokuto's strengths that Keiji admired the most.

"Okay," was all he could manage in response.

There were a few minutes of blissful silence. Well, Keiji hoped it would feel blissful, but all it did was allow him to focus on the object inside him, the blood seeping slowly across his thin shirt, the pain, the fear that-

"Bokuto-san."

The other boy, who had yet to stop looking straight at Keiji to make sure he was keeping his promise, snapped to attention. "What? What is it?"

He didn't want to freak him out by saying he was in pain, or that he was scared about what could happen to him. So he simply said: "..I'm bored."

Bokuto smiled both fondly and sadly, a weird expression on the other boy. It was too passive, not the usual loud expressions of the excitable spiker.

It didn't take long for the other boy to find something to talk about, and Keiji clinged to his words and stories like never before.

It was, perhaps, the only thing keeping him here.

Bokuto. I think I'm going to die.

It didn't work as long as he hoped it would.

Eventually his thoughts wandered away from Bokuto's words and began to spiral further and further into chaos.

He wasn't thinking of the pain anymore. He was thinking of what might come after.

Before, there was no real hurry to get out of here. Eventually someone would find them, and even if it took awhile there was not much chance of danger.

Now, though.

Now, Keiji was bleeding out. Yes, it was slowed thanks to the metal frame blocking the flow, and he doubted it hurt any major arteries (or he would probably be… you know… already), but he was still bleeding and still very seriously injured.

There was a real possibility he could die here, in this car, with Bokuto watching.

There were three main thoughts that kept spiraling in his head.

One: if Bokuto was forced to watch him die in an accident he likely already blamed himself for, Keiji didn't know if he would be able to bounce back from it. Bokuto would be fine without him, he was sure, the other boy could make friends as easily as breathing. But Bokuto tended to blame himself and let the guilt fester until someone forced it out of him. (weakness #8). Not to mention, seeing someone-namely, your best friend-die right in front of you, it could be very traumatizing. Keiji knew if their positions were reversed- no. he didn't want to think of that. If Bokuto died in front of him, Keiji would have probably died with him.

He prayed that wasn't the case for Bokuto as well.

Two: He was terrified of dying. Relieved it wasn't Bokuto in his position, yes, but still terrified. Who wouldn't be terrified? He could feel himself losing bit by bit, exhaustion growing harder and harder to fight. He could feel himself dying, and it scared the hell out of him. He was trying very, very hard not to think about what would happen if he died. Is there an afterlife? Or would he just cease to exist? Does life even have any mea- nope. Nope nope. Not going to have an existential crisis right now, no thank you.

Three: What if he died without ever telling Bokuto that he loved him?

That, he couldn't bear to think about. Bokuto needed to know, deserved to know.

But, Bokuto was having none of it.

He had tried to bring it up minutes ago, but the second he said 'I need to tell you something' Bokuto had lectured him more seriously than he had ever done to anyone, ever.

"No."

"But-"

Bokuto glared at him from his seat, the anger on his face looking so wrong that Keiji stopped what he was saying right there.

"You're not giving up. Whatever it is you so desperately want to tell me, you can say it when we get out of here, alive."

Keiji wanted to refuse to drop it, he really did, but the expression on Bokuto's face caused him to hesitate. He had never seen Bokuto look so distraught, so afraid before.

Maybe Bokuto was just as scared as he was right now. "...okay, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto smiled and nodded with his usual level of determination, bringing up his hand to wipe his eyes. "We are going to get out of here, Akaashi, I promise."

Keiji nodded slowly. Bokuto strength #3: he never breaks a promise.

A few minutes later, the pain became even more unbearable, and the silence did not help.

If it kept going like this, Keiji didn't think he could make it.

He decided not to mention it.

"Bokuto-san."

"Hmm?"

"Can- can you hold my hand?"

Bokuto turned to look at him in surprise, though it was because of the request or because of the almost pure desperation in his voice, Keiji wasn't sure.

Bokuto didn't need to say anything. He just grabbed his hand and squeezed.

Please don't blame yourself. Promise me you won't.

It's not your fault.

I know you'll be fine without me.

You were fine before we were friends.

Before we met, you were still the same Bokuto-san you always are.

Please be fine without me.

I'm sorry.

"I have an idea."

Keiji moved his eyes tiredly to look at the other teen. "Oh?"

Bokuto smiled, a bit too small to be a real one, and nodded. "I'm going to leave and find a signal, then call for help."

Keiji frowned at I'm going to leave. "I don't like it." He said tiredly, unable to speak much louder than an almost sleepy whisper.

Bokuto's smile only grew. "I didn't think you would, but it's the only real option."

Keiji knew he was right, he really did. But the idea of Bokuto leaving sent a fear up his spine he didn't know he could feel.

"But- what about your leg?" excuses, excuses.

"I'll be fine. It doesn't even hurt that badly. Getting you help is more important. And I promise, I won't be gone long"

He sighed, loudly, closing his eyes and turning his head to lean comfortably against the seat. "Okay. But if you don't find one in ten minutes, come back." I don't want to be here alone.

The other teen nodded. "Alright. Keep your eyes open."

He tiredly obliged, but he kept his gaze in front of him, too tired to move any further.

The warmth of Bokuto's hand no longer on his own was more distressing than Keiji thought it would be, and it took every ounce of effort he had left not to grip his hand and never let go.

He didn't want to watch Bokuto as he left the car, didn't want to see the other boy walk further and further away, but the second he heard him shift his leg he also heard a sharp yelp of pain.

"Bokuto-san? You-"

"I'm fine, Akaashi, please don't worry about me. It doesn't hurt that bad."

He didn't believe those words for a second, and nothing would ever stop Keiji from worrying about Bokuto, but he could hear the desperation- the determination- in his voice, and knew he couldn't stop Bokuto no matter how much he wanted to.

"Okay. Please be careful."

He looked away again, and listened as Bokuto opened the door and slowly moved his legs out of the car.

He didn't want to see Bokuto in pain as he walked away, he wouldn't be able to let him leave.

Before Bokuto left completely, he turned to Keiji and spoke.

"Please, stay awake. Do anything you can think of to stay awake. Maybe if you talked out loud- you could pretend you are talking to me?"

Keiji glanced at him then, and was almost surprised at the complete sincerity in the others eyes.

He didn't say anything. He just nodded, a promise to do what he asked.

Bokuto reached over and gripped his hand. "I will be back, I will get you out of here. I promise. I-" he cut himself off, looking away from Keiji. "I'll be back."

And then he left.

It took all of Keiji's effort not to cry.

He waited until he couldn't hear Bokuto's footsteps anymore before he started talking out loud like Bokuto asked.

It wasn't helping much. Maybe because he knew no one would ever hear him.

It was then he got an idea, one he didn't even know would work, but an idea all the same.

He grimaced as he reached down to his pocket, pulling out his phone and calling a well remembered number.

Immediately it went to voicemail, but that didn't surprise him one bit. He had no service, after all.

He just did what Bokuto asked him to.

As soon as the phone beeped, he started talking.

"Bakuto-san. Um. hello. You told me to talk to you as if you were still here. It helps, I guess…..

I don't think I have long left. I don't think I can keep this up much longer.

I know I promised to not stop talking.

But Bokuto, I'm really really tired.

Koutarou had never been more frustrated with technology than he was right now, and he had a feeling he would never be this frustrated again.

Service, service, service, service, pleaaaase...

His leg was literally hurting like hell, and walking down the rocky path definitely did not help. But he refused to slow down for a second, not when Akaashi was probably dying and it would be his fault and he would have never told him-

His mind kept flashing back to how Akaashi had looked when he left, how he had screamed in pain and in fear, how terrified Koutarou had been the first time the other had blacked out, assuming the worst but gripping his hand tightly, regardless. How Koutarou could possibly lived without Akaashi if the worst happened, how terrified he was that he might have lost his chance to tell Akaashi the truth forever.

But he couldn't think like that right now, couldn't let himself bear the thought that Akaashi might… might..

He forced himself to stop moving for a moment as he tried to blink back the tears that were threatening to overflow. Him breaking down wouldn't help Akaashi, so he breathed deeply in an attempt to calm himself. He could do this, he needed to do this.

He trekked forward, pace faster than it had been before. He kept one eye on his screen the entire time, wanting to know the second a single bar of service-

There.

He immediately dialed the number that could- would- save Akaashi's life.

He barely made it through the call without breaking down, but they were coming. Help was on the way, and for the first time all night, he felt the tiniest bit hopeful.

As soon as the call ended, Koutarou pocketed his phone, turned around, and ran.

I, um. I need to tell you something.

If by some miracle I survive this, I'm really sorry.

After I say this you'll probably hate me.

You'll probably be disgusted by me.

His leg was screaming at him, but he refused to move any slower than he already was. He didn't care how much it hurt, he just needed to get to Akaashi now.

"Come on, come on, come on" He whispered as he maneuvered over a rock in the path. This was taking too long, Akaashi didn't have this kind of time. Oh, god, what if he was already-

The lights of the car finally came into view, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he quickened his pace. Within moments, the door handle was in his hand and he frantically wrenched it open.

And then his heart dropped in his chest.

Akaashi wasn't moving.

He didn't even look like he was breathing.

"Akaashi?" He started, voice breaking. He gripped his best friend's shoulder and shook lightly, begging him to move, twitch, anything. He didn't.

"Akaashi?! Nononononono Akaashi!" He reached up and cupped the unmoving boys face, shifting Akaashi's face towards him. Something fell onto the floor. He didn't care.

"Please, please, no" He moved his hand down to the other's neck, searching, praying for a pulse.

Nothing.

No.

His head dropped onto Akaashi's shoulder, free hand moving up to run through the other's soft curls. "No, Akaashi, no, please." He felt sick. "Please, I- I love you. I can't-" His eyes overflowed with tears, and he made no move to stop them. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you so much-"

He felt something.

Underneath his fingertips on Akaashi's neck he refused to move, he felt it.

Thank god.

"That's it, Akaashi, come on." He encouraged desperately. "I love you, okay? You'll be fine. You have to be fine. I love you, I love you, I love you-"

He repeated the words like a mantra until emergency services tore him away.

That's why I've never had the courage to say this before.

Bokuto.

The ambulance ride to the hospital was a blur.

He couldn't look away from the gurney Akaashi lay on, still unmoving. The doctors rushed around him, keeping him alive. He didn't know anything other than that.

Some of them tried to talk with him, but he didn't register what they asked. It felt like he was underwater, only able to focus on Akaashi. It was almost like he was in a game, preparing to spike, when he gets tunnel vision and all he can focus on is the ball. But instead of the exhilaration he felt then, all he felt now was empty.

Someone wrapped his leg at some point, he wasn't sure when exactly.

After what could have even been minutes or hours, they were in the hospital.

He was taken away from Akaashi. Sent to another room to get his leg properly casted.

It wasn't too long before he was left alone.

Then his phone started vibrating, and for the first time since before the ambulance, he was snapped out of his thoughts.

"Hello?" He asked after answering, none of his usual enthusiasm present in his voice.

The responding voice shouldn't have surprised him at all. "Mom, mom, I'm fine, I promise."

It wasn't a lie, he was fine, for the most part.

The conversation wasn't too long, ending with a promise from his mother that his family would be there soon.

It wasn't until he finished the call that he realized there were more notifications- two to be exact-on his phone.

Missed call- Akaashi 3 (43 min ago)

1 new voicemail- Akaashi 3 (32 min ago)

Koutarou frowned. Akaashi called him? Why? It must have been when he had left to go find service.

Then he remembered what he had said to Akaashi before he left.

Maybe if you talked out loud- you could pretend you are talking to me?

He smiled a little bit, Akaashi took what he said literally.

He wasn't sure if he should listen to the voicemail, but if Akaashi made the effort to actually call him then he probably should.

After a few moments of simply staring at the notification, he made up his mind and clicked on it, then put the phone to his ear.

"Bakuto-san. Um. hello. You told me to talk to you as if you were still here. It helps, I guess…"

I love you.

I've been in love with you for a very long time.

Almost since I met you.

The tears he had been trying so hard all night to force back finally broke through.

'I love you'

That must have been what Akaashi had been trying to say before he left, what Koutarou said to tell him after they made it out alive.

He felt simultaneous joy and anguish at the confession.

Akaashi loved him.

Akaashi loved him, and Koutarou might have lost his chance.

It might be too late.

The tears wouldn't stop coming, they just continued to fall down his face. He didn't know how long he sat there, alone in the empty room, sobbing like a child.

"Koutarou?"

His head whipped upward, towards the voice that entered the room.

"Oh, Koutarou," His mom walked towards the bed, wrapping around him with her arms. His head dropped onto her shoulder, returning the hug almost desperately.

"Mom," he croaked, voice hoarse.

"It's alright, Koutarou, I promise it will be alright."

He pulled back, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "Mom, Akaashi.."

"I know, honey, I know. His parents are here. He is in surgery now."

"Mom, what if he-"

"Don't think like that now, Kou," she interrupted. "We can't think like that now."

She was right. He couldn't think like that, he had to hold out hope that everything would be fine.

I love the way you smile and it's contagious.

I love how utterly passionate you are in everything you do.

I love- I love everything about you, Bokuto.

He was released a few hours later, or at least he assumed it was a few hours. It felt like days. But he only had a broken leg, there was no real reason to stay any longer.

He didn't want to leave. He really, really didn't want to leave.

But his mother insisted, and he hated to admit she did have a point. Akaashi was still in surgery, and even if-when- he got out, visiting hours would be closed, so it wasn't like he'd be able to stay anyway.

So fine, he would go home. But the second visiting hours were open, he was going to be there.

He didn't care if tomorrow was a school day.

When he got home, he went straight to his room, turned off all the lights, and fell onto his bed.

He didn't know he had fallen asleep until he woke up the next morning, tears falling down his face and images of Akaashi, pale, cold, and unmoving imprinted in his brain.

I'm sorry.

I- I'm really-

…

...

…

…

(Akaashi? Akaashi?! Nononononono Akaa-)

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Keiji felt numb.

He felt like he was floating endlessly through nothing. It was both a nice and unsettling feeling. He wasn't sure if he liked it.

He couldn't tell if it was seconds or hours later that he began to feel… something. A pressure on his hand, the feeling of someone near him. A comforting presence.

It wasn't much later he found the strength to open his eyes.

Light immediately flooded his vision, almost overwhelming. He had to blink repeatedly to get used to the sudden brightness.

There was a sound to his left, a soft, almost encouraging one. The pressure on his hand gripped tighter.

He looked towards the sound, smiling at what he saw. He wasn't in the least bit surprised.

"Bokuto-san" He whispered, smiling tiredly.

"Hey," the other boy grinned back down at him, his other hand pulling up to rest on top of the one he was already gripping. "How are you feeling?"

Keiji hummed. "Tired. And sore." He raised the hand Bokuto wasn't holding and made a vague gesture. "And floaty."

"Floaty?" Bokuto laughed, though it was less enthusiastic than usual. Almost sad. "You feel those pain meds, then?"

He laughed back, though he wasn't sure what was funny. "Yea." Then he frowned. "Are you okay?"

Bokuto looked really tired. Keiji didn't think he had ever seen the other boy seem so.. Subdued. Sad, Depressed almost. None of the boy's usual energy was there.

That, and one of his legs was wrapped in a cast, and there was a crutch leaning against the nearby wall. The fact that Bokuto was injured caused significantly more worry than Keiji would ever admit to.

Bokuto huffed in amusement, a small smirk growing on his face. "You're the one in the hospital, and you're worried about me?"

His frown deepened, and he seemed to register where he was for the first time since he woke up.

He was laying in a white bed, in a poorly decorated white room, connected to an IV bag and a heart monitor, the latter of which beeping at a normal speed. He hoped.

In a hospital, huh? So he was.

That would explain why he felt so drained, at least.

"What happened?"

Bokuto blinked, confused. "You mean, you don't remember?"

Keiji tilted his head, considering. His memory was a little- okay a lot- fuzzy. The last thing he could clearly remember was he and Bokuto going… driving..

Oh. Right.

"It's coming back a little bit. It's kinda fuzzy."

Bokuto nodded gloomily. Keiji narrowed his eyes, not liking the down expression on the other's face.

"I- I'm sorry."

It was Keiji's time to blink in confusion. "What? What do you have to be sorry for?"

Bokuto looked down as if ashamed, face crumpling as he gripped Keiji's hand tighter. "It's all my fault. The crash. If it hadn't been for-"

"Wait, no, Bokuto-"

"I'm sorry!" He practically wailed, now looking straight at Keiji with tears in his eyes. "Akaashi, you almost.. Almost.. And there was nothing I could do and it wouldn't have happened if I had been more careful and-" He paused, inhaling sharply. "I was so scared, Akaashi, and If you had gone without me ever telling you-"

At this point, Bokuto was practically hyperventilating, breathing far too quickly for Keiji's liking. He took his other hand and put it on top of both of Bokuto's. "Bokuto, breathe. With me, in-" he inhaled deeply, encouraging Bokuto to follow. This wasn't the first time the other boy had distressed himself into a panic attack, and it almost certainly wouldn't be the last, though this was the worst Keiji had seen him. "-Out."

After a few minutes of forcing the other to control his breathing, he had finally calmed down a little bit.

Bokuto sniffed, wiping his eyes in an attempt to dry the tears that had appeared. "Sorry,"

"It's fine."

Bokuto looked like it was anything but fine, but said nothing in response.

"I don't blame you, Bokuto-san. It wasn't your fault, and if I can remember correctly, you saved my life."

His memory was still a little fuzzy, but he definitely remembered Bokuto leaving to get help. At the time, it had caused him enough distress that he would never forget that moment, not to mention the emptiness that came after….

But if not for the other boy, Keiji most certainly wouldn't have made it out alive.

Bokuto looked like he wanted to object, but Keiji wouldn't let him. "No, Bokuto," he emphasized with the lack of -san, "I mean it. I don't want to hear anymore about it."

The other boy looked a little shocked, but nodded nonetheless.

They fell into a comfortable silence, before Keiji spoke up once again.

"Tell me what?"

"Huh?"

Keiji smiled, a bit teasingly. "You said, 'If you had gone without me ever telling you-'. Tell me what?"

Bokuto looked at him, surprised, mouth opening and closing multiple times before settling on looking at the floor, almost shyly.

"I got your voicemail."

Keiji's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, head tilting at he tried to remember-

Oh.

Oh.

It was his turn to look away, glancing down at his lap. This was it. Bokuto knew everything. Before the other boy even got the chance to continue, Keiji spoke.

"I- I'm sorry. I thought I was- I.." he trailed off, trying to find the right words. "I didn't want to..leave.. Without telling you that I… I… um, I didn't think you would get it. No service, and all." please don't hate me I can't live with you hating me please-

His racing thoughts were put to a sudden stop as he felt lips pressed against his own.

It took longer than it should have to realize that Bokuto was kissing him.

Kissing him.

It wasn't until Bokuto, still pressed practically on top of Keiji (though clearly keeping his injuries in mind), pulled his hand out of Keiji's own to cup his cheek that he finally closed his eyes and returned the kiss with as much passion as he could muster.

The heart monitor next to him was beating so fast, Keiji was afraid it would alert a nurse into the room.

He shifted the best he could, which annoyingly wasn't much, and pulled his arm to the back of Bokuto's head in an attempt to pull him closer. Bokuto smiled against him, and he felt something flutter excitedly in his stomach.

When Bokuto pulled away, it was much too soon. But for the first time since he discovered his feelings, he looked at the other boy with complete and honest adoration.

And as Bokuto looked back at him, he could tell for the first time that his best friend felt the same way he did.

He had never seen Bokuto look this.. Sincere. The smile adorned on his face was not his usual proudly eccentric or excited one. It was fond and genuine, and seeing that look directed to him made his heart literally skip a beat, and it felt like Keiji was falling in love with him all over again.

He tried his hardest to hide his disappointment as Bokuto sunk back down into his seat, though it wasn't too hard as the other boy took his hand into his own once again, this time intertwining their fingers together.

Then something in Bokuto shifted, turning the mood into a serious one. "When I went back to the car, you weren't- I thought-" He paused, seemingly trying to gather his thoughts. "I thought I was too late, and I was terrified. I thought I would never get to see you again, never hit another one of your sets, never see the way your eyes would light up when I did something that made you happy." Both of them were tearing up at this point, Keiji affected by the raw emotion in Bokuto's voice. "I thought I lost my chance to tell you how much I love you. Because I do, Akaashi, I love you so, so much." Bokuto looked away, attempting to blink away the tears now falling down his face. "If you had… Akaashi, I would have never forgiven myself. Especially after your voicemail, knowing that you felt the same…" He trailed off, looking back at Keiji with wide eyes. "You do, right?"

Keiji looked at him, shocked at the words that had come out of the other's mouth. When he registered the question, he nodded, almost frantically, wiping at his now very wet eyes. "Yes," He choked, emotion heavily lacing the word. "Yes, I love you, I love you, I-" He sniffed loudly as the tears couldn't seem to stop. "I am very emotional right now."

Bokuto laughed at that, wiping once again at his own eyes. "Yeah, pain meds will do that to ya." he grinned down at him, and Keiji's heart fluttered once again as the other boy lifted his hand and kissed the back of it, tenderly. "I love you, too."

It was Keiji's turn to laugh. "Yeah, I think I got that. But by all means, say it again."

Bokuto grinned and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. "I love you." He shifted a little and kissed him on the nose. "I love you." He moved down once again, and kissed him on the lips, this time lingering a moment longer. "I love you." He pulled back again and grinned. "I'll say it as many times as you want me to."

"I didn't know you were such a romantic, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto made a show of rolling his eyes. "Please. Koutarou." Then his face shifted back into his usual grin. "And neither did I."

Keiji easily grinned back at him, then suddenly broke out into a yawn, much to his dismay. Boku-no, Koutarou's grin turned into a more easy smile. "You should get some rest, Akaa-" Keiji pointedly raised his eyebrows at that, and Koutarou's smile widened. "Alright, Keiji. But you really should get some rest, you have a long time until you recover."

Koutarou was right, and he was exhausted. He didn't want to think about how long it would take to recover- he did have volleyball and Koutarou to worry about, after all. So he nodded in agreement and closed his eyes. "You will be here when I wake up?"

He could feel Koutarou's smile even with his eyes closed. "Of course, Keiji."

He smiled at that, and squeezed the other's hand in acknowledgment. In the last moment before he fell back under, he knew that, when Koutarou was with him, everything would be alright.