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Gay eyes, right?
That’s what he called them?
It was stupid. A stupid name, a stupid concept, a stupid- ugh, everything!
So why couldn’t he stop thinking about it-!
Virgil groaned, turning himself around so he could shove his face onto the pillow. Ughhhhhhhh.
Maybe it was because Roman looked so damn pretty doing it and- nope! Not going down that train of thought. At least, not for the fifth time tonight.
‘Gay eyes’. Ugh. Something about that was familiar. Did someone do them to Thomas? No, no, he would’ve heard Roman prattling on about it in a lovestruck monologue if someone did. That much was certain.
Ah- maybe- well, Thomas had to have done it sometime, right? He seemed so familiar with the concept. That must be why he understood it. It was the only logical reason, at least. Heh, maybe Logan would be proud of him for coming up with an understandable conclusion.
But- that wasn’t it, was it? Something in his nonexistent heart told him so. And while he made a point to not listen to his heart- it could get them in so many dangerous situations, after all- he spent a few more minutes thinking about it. Just in case.
He couldn’t think of anything else though. No matter how many paths he went through, nothing made sense, except for if another Side had done them while he was watching or something and-!
Oh.
Oh.
God, he remembered it- about 3 weeks ago, Roman was acting weird. And not his normal type of fantastical-focused weirdness either. He hadn’t thought much of it- that was a lie, he spent too much time thinking about it- but Roman kept looking over at Virgil, both of them sitting at opposite ends of the couch.
When Virgil finally chanced looking over and meeting his eyes, Roman simply raised an eyebrow at him. A second later, he switched his expression to an innocent one, looking away, and back, where he lifted his eyebrow again with a smirk.
What the fuck, he had thought. Huh? Ugh- whatever. Ro was just messing around. Virgil let out a scoff, lightly pushing Roman with a small laugh as he stood up and walked to the kitchen- Patton was starting to look longingly at the stove again, and Virgil decided he would supervise. They didn’t want a repeat of last time.
Looking back on it, though… Was Roman… flirting with him? With Virgil? None of the others had been in the room, except for Patton, who was technically in the kitchen. So it must have been Virgil.
But- why?
Why Virgil? Was he pranking him? No, Roman wouldn’t do that, he was too serious about romance.
That meant… that he was serious. That he was trying to flirt… with Virgil.
The chances of Roman pranking him seemed far higher than the chances of Roman actually liking Virgil back, but- well, all the signs said he was genuine.
Wait.
Oh God.
If he was flirting with him, that means- that means that Virgil just brushed off his flirting without a second thought. That he- did he accidentally reject Roman? Shit, shit, shitshitshit- FUCK! He must hate Virgil now and his chances were ruined and he’d be single forever and-
Breathe. He- he had to breathe.
In, out.
Okay. Okay, he just had to think about it logically. Logically, Roman’s feelings for him wouldn’t go away just because Virgil rejected him (he rejected him! FUCK! FUCK!). Logically, he still had a chance.
But what if he didn’t- what if Roman already convinced himself out of it, or what if he realized he wasn’t that interested after all and now he’s grateful I didn’t understand, or what if he- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Okay- okay- he just… he had to make a plan to tell Roman. Easy. Yeah, that was a good idea.
--
This was a horrible idea. By far the worst of his ideas. Why was he doing this idea?!?
Well, he supposed, this is why I’m not Creativity.
He sat down on the couch, opposite of Roman. Step one, done.
Roman glanced up at him, flashing a radiant smile before turning back to his book- something fantasy related, most likely. Fuck I’m gay.
Could anyone blame him, though? Roman was just so pretty! Kind, too, he just wanted the best for everyone. He had a pretty straightforward set of right and wrong, but he was learning, and trying his best to make things right. Fuck, he was so passionate too. Virgil could sit there listening for hours as he ranted on about all his new ideas. He wanted to do that, he wanted to be there for Roman, to trust him enough to share thoughts he wasn’t entirely comfortable with.
Oh shit, he had been staring at him for too long. Roman was looking at him with concern and curiosity. Enact step two, enact step two!
Quickly, before he had a chance to feel scared about it- he let an eyebrow rise up, silently staring at Roman with a smile. He let the expression fall, looking away, then looking back, before switching back with a smirk.
Fuck, Roman just looked confused. What were the steps again? What did he miss?!? I knew this was a bad idea-
Roman softly gasped. Virgil’s gaze shot to him as a brilliantly bright blush adorned Roman’s face.
Good reaction?
“Was that- did you-?” Roman giggled, quickly covering his head with his hands.
This is good-? No! No, this is bad! A bad reaction! You fucked up Virgil, ABORT, ABORT-
“Roman, Virgil! It’s time to eat breakfast!” Patton called from the dining room. Shit. Now he couldn’t run away.
--
Roman kept trying to catch his gaze while they were eating. He saw it in the corner of his eye. But Virgil’s gaze stayed diligently on his food, eating quickly so he could run away faster.
“I’m going to my room- BYE!” he rushed out, disposing of the dishes before sprinting back to his room. He didn’t want to see the pitying glance Roman sent him.
He face-planted straight onto his bed. He felt like crying, and he desperately fought back the tears that would tell everyone just what he was feeling.
Fuck, why couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut. Or, rather, repressed his feelings and lived with the fact that Roman would never like him back? Of course Roman wouldn’t feel the same- why would he? When Virgil was so much worse than him?
Fuck.
He froze as a knock sounded at the door.
Fucking shit- this was Roman coming to officially reject him, wasn’t it. Shit, not right now! Not when he was still processing it! He was gonna burst into tears!
Biting his lip, he slowly made his way over to the door, opening it ever so cautiously.
There stood Roman, bouncing on his heels with a grin. Virgil frowned, why is he so ecstatic about rejecting me? I thought he considered me a friend now…
Roman opened his mouth to speak. Deny it! Deny it!
“It was a joke.” Virgil blurted out. Roman’s stopped in place, staring at him.
“What?”
“I didn’t mean it. Me doing the whole ‘gay eyes’ thing? It was a joke.” he murmured, fiddling with his sleeves. Roman made a strained noise.
“I- um- I see. That, uh, that makes sense. Thanks for clarifying, Virgil. If you’ll excuse me, I really must be going now. Ideas to explore, and all. Toodle-oo!”
And with that, Roman left.
--
“Of course it was too good to be true,” Roman moaned, falling back onto his thousands of pillows strewn over the floor. His body shook as he tried to hold back sobs.
He had been trying to show hints to Virgil for ages, y’know. Roman was brave, but not brave enough to say it outright. He’d hoped- well, he’d hoped that after he showed a few hints, maybe, just maybe, Virgil would show some signs back. Just enough that Roman could be sure that his feelings were returned.
And he thought… that this was it. That Virgil’s sudden understanding of ‘gay eyes’ was the sign that he was looking for!
He always knew his endless optimism would come to bite him some day.
“FUCK!” he shouted to no one. Thankfully he had soundproofed his room ages ago, after enough noise complaints from Logan about his singing. He wiped his tears away, scoffing as new ones just took their place.
He should have known Virgil was too perfect for him.
With his endearingly sarcastic attitude, his wonderfully precious giggles, and of course his smile- it was a wonder he hadn’t fallen for him sooner.
He silently cursed his past self. Why couldn’t he have just let it go and accepted him into the group? Maybe this wouldn’t have happened in the first place- maybe Virgil would be able to like him romantically.
God, what he would give to be able to cuddle with Virgil… to hug him, to hold hands, maybe even kiss him…
But he couldn’t.
Because Virgil had rejected him.
--
Dumbass, Virgil’s brain told him. He huffed. What, he asked, am I not suffering enough already?
His mind didn’t respond. Virgil groaned. This usually meant that he had to actually figure something out instead of just wallowing in his sorrow.
Rude.
He rubbed at his eyes, debating whether he should actually follow directions and think over things.
Nah, he decided, switching onto his side as he elected to just sleep and forget about today.
He likes you back!
Psh, yeah right. The only way Roman could like him back is if he had been coming over to confirm his feelings or some shit. That was impossible.
…
Wait , he thought, sitting up. Wait. Maybe I am a dumbass.
Because the more he thought about it, the more it became apparent that it actually wasn’t impossible. In fact, it might just be… plausible.
Holy shit.
He stood up, frantically searching for his hoodie. He had to tell Roman, he had to. Before it was too late.
Picking it up, he hurried over to the mirror. Fuck, he looked like a disaster. Hair askew, makeup nonexistent, eyes wide in panic. At least he hadn’t cried- crying, Virgil, he could be crying. Go, hurry!
Whipping open the door, he hurried down the hallway. Passing Patton in the kitchen, he gave him a nod as he ran.
“What are you doing up?” Patton asked, a cup of water in his hand. “You should be going to sleep.”
“Can’t-” Virgil huffed out, stopping for only a few seconds. “I have to go- gotta- clear something up.”
He left before Patton could come up with a response.
--
“Roman,” he whisper-shouted, frantically knocking on the door. “Roman!”
The door opened, revealing a tired Roman. Virgil noticed with a pain in his chest that his eyes were red from crying.
“What?”
“I meant it,” he rushed out. “I meant it- the whole ‘gay eyes’ thing. As stupid as it is, I meant it.” Roman’s eyes widened.
“I did- but I thought you were gonna reject me- so I said it was a joke and I know, I know, I’m so, so stupid, but say you like me back and I might just kiss you.”
For seconds that felt like eons, Roman stayed silent.
“Oh God, please do. I like you back, I have for a long time actua- mmf- !”
Before he was even done talking, Virgil had grabbed the collar of his pyjamas- a red t-shirt, with a crown placed in the center because this boy just cannot stop getting more adorable- and pulled him forward.
Their lips met, and Virgil’s heart melted. He moved his hands to caress Roman’s face. He felt warm- content, even, which couldn’t be true because he was Anxiety and Anxiety never felt content without a thousand other thoughts harassing him- but he was free from negative feelings, head empty as all he processed was Roman’s lips on his and that he was feeling loved.
He slowly separated from the boy, gasping for air and fighting the urge to dive back in and kiss him again- because holy fuck he had kissed Roman!
“I thought- I thought you didn’t like me back.” Roman whispered, voice cracking in the middle. Virgil shook his head vehemently.
“I- fuck no, Ro, that’s impossible. I- fuck - you’re great, Ro, I adore you.”
Roman broke out into a grin, leaning his forehead against Virgil’s.
“I adore you, too.”