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Hyunsik doesn’t give compliments often. Sure, he’s almost always smiling, (and it’s always genuine) and he laughs like he’s just been told the funniest joke in the world at the slightest provocation. In general he gives off an almost constant aura of approval and cheerfulness that makes most people don't notice the fact that he doesn’t actually give compliments very often.
Ilhoon isn’t most people and he definitely notices. He notices and he thinks it’s stupid.
Ilhoon craves compliments as only someone who is just the right mix of incredibly confident, incredibly insecure, and incredibly self-aware can; he notices compliments and the lack of them, and the lack of them coming from Hyunsik, the most genial member in BtoB other than their eternally delighted leader, is especially frustrating to him.
He had first noticed it after their second Weekly Idol appearance. Their manager had told Ilhoon that depending on his performance in that show, the producers were considering asking him to be a recurring guest MC, a pretty big deal for someone as young and as fresh as they were.
Objectively speaking, telling him beforehand had been a truly stupid thing to do, and another rookie might have let the pressure get to him. Luckily, Ilhoon was not just another rookie; even though he had been nervous, he sure as hell knew he deserved the position and he knew exactly how to act on camera to get it. And in his own opinion, he had pulled it off perfectly with just the right amount of sass, aegyo, and general variety sense, and when the managers told him a week later that he’d gotten the position, he wasn’t at all surprised.
After they’d finished filming, the other members had all rushed to congratulate and encourage him. Eunkwang told him that he was wonderful and that he was so, so, proud of him, slinging an arm around Ilhoon’s shoulders and pretending to sob. Minhyuk told him that he’d pulled off the impressive feat of making the bratty dongsaeng persona charming and Sungjae had said that if it couldn’t be him who got the position, then he guessed Ilhoon was the next best choice. Peniel had accidentally slipped into English yet again, but Ilhoon could tell he was being congratulated, and even Changsub said something confusing, but vaguely congratulatory.
The only person who was silent was Hyunsik, who hugged him along with everyone else and beamed at him enough that Ilhoon almost didn’t notice that Hyunsik never said anything to him.
But he did notice, and it bothered him through the ride back to the dorm, bothered him through their bland, low calorie, high protein dinner, bothered him as the hyungs went to take their showers. And it bothered him enough that he intercepted Hyunsik on his way from the bathroom to his bed, wearing nothing but a towel.
It wasn’t that Ilhoon had no sense of timing, tact, or subtlety; rather he had an excess of sense, enough that he realized exactly when and how he could get away with bad timing, with being tactless, with throwing subtlety out the window.
With Hyunsik, he usually could get away with a lot.
For example, he was able to get away with bluntly asking, “Why didn’t you congratulate me today? Everyone else told me that I did well.”
The question itself wasn’t as aggressive as they both knew that he could have been, and Hyunsik didn’t seem bothered by the fact that Ilhoon had planted himself between Hyunsik and his bed and clothes.
In fact, Hyunsik just laughed like Ilhoon had told a really clever joke as he said, “I don’t see the point in telling you something you already know.”
Ilhoon stared at him for a few more moments, making sure to maintain eye contact as if a few more seconds might make Hyunsik come up with a better answer. But no better answer seemed to be forthcoming, so he moved aside and returned to his own bed and tried to convince himself that Hyunsik’s answer counted as a compliment of sorts.
After that, he became increasingly determined to get Hyunsik’s compliments. Compliments in of themselves were nothing special. Eunkwang complimented him constantly, Sungjae insulted him just often, and Minhyuk swung back and forth between the two extremes. Ilhoon was no stranger to compliments, but the fact that Hyunsik didn’t give them made him really want them from Hyunsik.
He tried everything in his arsenal; he was charming, he was clever, he used aegyo, he flirted and fished for compliments, but he never caught any. Every time, whether it was after a variety show, a performance, an interview, or a simple conversation, Ilhoon would ignore Eunkwang and Minhyuk’s doting and fix his gaze on Hyunsik. And Hyunsik would say nothing, just smile his infuriatingly handsome eyesmile back at Ilhoon brightly enough to make him even grumpier because he couldn’t even manage to be truly angry.
The realization that he couldn’t trick Hyunsik bothered him as much as the lack of compliments. He’d always had a talent for tricking the cameras, the fans, even the other members, but Hyunsik could read him almost as well as he could read himself, and he had never been able to trick himself. After making a career of knowing himself so thoroughly that he could fake almost anything, to have someone else who saw through it all was unnerving.
Even though he knew that he couldn’t really fool Hyunsik into thinking that he didn’t know how good he was at what he did, it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. Angling for compliments was second nature to him by this point, and even though he had resigned himself to the fact that Hyunsik was going to be a difficult case, he made sure to show off just a little bit more than normal when without looking like he was showing off.
It never worked. Ilhoon was good at controlling his face, but the corners of his eyes and the edge in his voice always revealed the hint of smugness that always showed up after doing something well.
Hyunsik could read the signs in Ilhoon’s face as well as he could read the ones on the steet corner outside their dorm, and Ilhoon finally decided that getting Hyunsik’s compliments was one of the very few things he wasn’t good at. Of course, he that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to stop showing off; even if he couldn’t get compliments from Hyunsik in words, the way Hyunsik’s eyes tracked him while they were dancing was almost as good. So although Hyunsik’s weird aversions to giving compliments stayed in the back of his mind, he eventually stopped fixating on it as they flung themselves into preparations for their next comeback.
Of course, it was when he had almost forgotten about it that it had finally happened.
It was the day when they were filming the dance practice video for Wow, and even though it seemed like a practice video should be simple enough to get in one go, they were already on the third take. Dance practice videos were actually almost more stressful than actual music videos, because they had to strike a delicate balance between playfulness and accuracy and make it look natural.
Usually Ilhoon didn’t really like filming these videos, but the energy that day had been strangely high for a group of people who probably got less than 20 hours of sleep between the seven of them. Their manager was feeling lenient, and didn’t bat an eye when Hyunsik slapped Ilhoon’s ass in the middle of their first take.
The original choreography didn’t actually include any ass-slapping, but it gave Ilhoon an excuse to make scandalized faces at the camera. It also made it more acceptable when he grabbed Sungjae’s ass in the second take. Before the third take he’d decided that it would be a good idea to do the entire dance with a ping-pong paddle that had been left on the floor (probably Sungjae’s fault). It looked a little bit sillier than he had intended, but it made Hyunsik laugh.
Ilhoon hadn’t actually liked all of their title songs, but he did like Wow. Although it came off as upbeat and tacky and more than a little bit cheesy, if you paid attention it was actually all about sex. Not overtly, not directly, but it was there, obvious enough that no one could miss it but just subtle enough that you couldn’t comment on it directly without seeming like you were the vulgar one.
That kind of dynamic was one that Ilhoon excelled at, and he played it up in the dance practice, switching from swatting imaginary flies with the ping-pong paddle to running his hands all over his body and dropping his lower lip just enough to ensure that people would notice.
One of his favorite parts of the choreography was the right at the end when he not only got to finish the song at the front of the formation, but also got to step over Peniel and Hyunsik and push them out of the way to get there. He partially liked it just because he unapologetically craved attention, but also because it meant that he got to put his hands on Hyunsik and push, just a little.
When he watched the final cut, he noticed that Hyunsik had looked at him afterwards like maybe Ilhoon could’ve pushed him harder and Hyunsik would have thanked him for the privilege.
He also noticed that Hyunsik had done the thing where he put his hand on his face and laughed right after he slapped Ilhoon’s ass on camera. This gesture of amused embarrassment was very familiar to Ilhoon; it turned up whenever they were joking around and things got a little bit too touchy, a little bit too flirtatious. Ilhoon wasn’t sure where exactly that line was drawn because boundaries were never his strong suit unless they were his own, but once things got to a certain point Hyunsik stopped playing along and laughed it off like he would a self-deprecating joke.
In theory this habit should have started to annoy Ilhoon, but he found too much pleasure in making people feel off balance. Besides, the fact that Hyunsik had been blatantly smiling at his antics with the ping-pong paddle through a good part of the video took the sting out of the fact that Hyunsik still seemed to have trouble touching him without automatically defaulting to embarrassed laughter afterwards.
Ilhoon had been packing up his stuff to start the walk back to the dorms when Hyunsik, who had been halfway out the door, had said his name. Ilhoon cocked his head in reply to let him know he was listening as he shoved his water bottle into his bag; it might have appeared rude to somebody else, but Hyunsik knew him in a way that most people didn’t.
“You were really good today.” Hyunsik told him, flashing a smile and walking out the door before Ilhoon had the chance to even process the fact that he’d finally gotten his compliment.
After putting in so much effort into chasing that compliment, Ilhoon wished he could say that finally getting it when he hadn’t even been trying didn’t matter that much to him. But that would be a lie, and Ilhoon made a habit of only lying to other people, not to himself. Even though it was vague and even a little lukewarm compared to Eunkwang’s effusive praises or Peniel’s impromptu English exclamations, it was more satisfying than any compliment he’d received from any of the other BtoB members, which would be embarrassing for Ilhoon to admit to himself if he hadn’t already accepted that he revolved around Hyunsik a good bit more than he’d care to admit to anyone else.
Although his initial reaction was pure flushed satisfaction with a hint of smugness, it quickly gave way to confusion. Hyunsik didn’t give compliments for things that Ilhoon knew he did well, and he knew he had killed that dance practice. He spent a few minutes feeling pettily annoyed that Hyunsik had broken his own rule, because if the rule wasn’t valid anymore then the compliment was less of an achievement.
But then he realized that he hadn’t actually thought about how good he was during or even after the dance practice. In fact, he hadn’t realized it until just now, not because he had been insecure about his performance, but because he simply hadn’t been thinking about it.
The realization was frustrating because it meant that he could’ve been getting those compliments all along if he hadn’t been trying so damn hard. Ilhoon had always prided himself on being shrewd, but it felt like Hyunsik had somehow outplayed him, a thought that was not actually entirely unpleasant.
Ilhoon tried to pay less attention to monitoring his performance for a while but that was fundamentally at odds with his nature as well as the nature of being an idol, so he gave up on it as they started practicing the choreography for I Only Know Love.
I Only Know Love was interesting because, for some reason the choreographer decided that it would be a good idea for Hyunsik and Ilhoon to simulate a kiss in the choreography. To be more precise, their choreographer had wanted a fake kiss to match the lyrics in Hyunsik’s part and Ilhoon had volunteered (“It makes sense, my part is right after his and the transitions will be smoother. Besides, we look good together, don’t we?” He’d thrown his arm around Hyunsik, who was still smiling, a little nervously for once).
Although he’s been confident in volunteering for the “kiss,” actually doing it was a different story. Actually kissing someone was a lot easier than simulating a kiss, and their first rehearsal was full of awkward shin bumping, unrealistic head placement, and forgetting to move the microphones out of the way (there was also the fact that having Hyunsik that close for that long was making Ilhoon feel things, but he had no time to process that). By the time they took a break, Ilhoon felt emotionally and physically exhausted.
At least, he felt tired until Hyunsik passed over his own water bottle and said, “Hey, I think it’s going well for a start. We’ll just have to practice a lot, ok?”
Ilhoon had rolled his eyes at Hyunsik but he went back to dance practice refreshed.
They do practice more, in the dorm bathroom with Sungjae watching to tell them when it looks like they’re actually kissing and when it’s obviously fake, because Eunkwang would be too embarrassing, Minhyuk would tease, and Changsub and Peniel aren’t willing to stare at their bandmates fake-kissing for an hour.
It doesn’t seem like the lack of microphone or surrounding choreography would make a difference, but it does. They’re just trying to get the positioning right because it’s been off in rehearsal, but it’s not as quickly fixed as they hoped. And it’s more than a little strange to be standing in the bathroom with his arms around Hyunsik staring into the space between their mouths as they move their heads in minute increments while Sungjae tells them “Yes. No. Still no. Ok, that’s it! Wow, that’s actually pretty hot.”
Ilhoon finds it easy to tune Sungjae out but it’s impossible to tune Hyunsik out when he can see the flecks of light brown in his irises when they make eye contact, when he can feel Hyunsik’s breath fanning out onto his nose and mouth, when he can almost, almost imagine what Hyunsik’s chapped lips might feel like on his own.
Ilhoon’s in a weird half focused, half floating headspace when Sungjae gets bored and goes to find something to eat. He leaves the room before Ilhoon has a chance to disentangle himself from Hyunsik, and Hyunsik says “Good job,” once, softly, into the space between their lips. Ilhoon feels the words break like waves over the ridges of his nose and lips and shivers as he pulls away, refusing to meet Hyunsik’s eyes.
Immediately before he does it, Ilhoon vaguely rationalizes by telling himself that if he can’t beat Hyunsik at his little compliment game, maybe he can surprise him enough that he forgets his rules.
Half a second later he mentally admits that that’s bullshit as he accidentally-on-purpose lets the distance between their lips slip closed for one, two seconds before pulling away, only halfway hearing the roars of the fans who don’t realize this performance is different as he launches into his rap.
The reality of what he did hits him as they file back to the dressing room. Minhyuk is giving him looks that let him know that they all noticed, but no one is saying anything yet, maybe because waiting til they get to a more private place, or maybe because they’re going to let Hyunsik address it. Ilhoon shrugs off Minhyuk’s gaze and Sungjae’s smirk (and tries to ignore the fact that Hyunsik’s intentionally not looking at him, something he’s not used to) as he changes out of his stage clothes.
When they get back to the dorm, Ilhoon climbs over Sungjae and makes sure he’s the first inside, and immediately goes and lies under the covers of his tiny bunk. He admits to himself that yes, he is hiding. Unfortunately, it’s hard to hide successfully in a small dorm shared with seven other people, and as soon as he pulls the covers over his head he hears footsteps.
He peeks out underneath the edges of the blanket. It’s Hyunsik, which is the least surprising thing that’s happened all day. When it comes to Ilhoon, it always seems to be Hyunsik.
Hyunsik is looking at him, and he’s smiling, but that means nothing because he’s always smiling, and Ilhoon decides it’d be best to bank on the fact that Hyunsik won’t physically stop him from leaving the room to go hide behind Sungjae to avoid this conversation. But as he tries to walk past Hyunsik to the door, Hyunsik reaches out and grabs his wrist, gently but firmly.
Ilhoon fixes him with a stare, mustering all the defiance he can manage. It’s hard when Hyunsik’s eyes are sparkling the way he does when he laughs.
“Ilhoonie.” Hyunsik says quietly, as if not to spook him, “That was very, very good.”
Ilhoon shivers and stares. Hyunsik isn’t smiling anymore, the eyesmile dropped for once in favor of the most intense expression he’s even seen from Hyunsik.
Hyunsik lets go of Ilhoon’s wrist, sliding his hand down to link his fingers with Ilhoon’s instead as he says, “You should do it again.”
So Ilhoon does.
Ilhoon becomes used to compliments about things he never noticed about himself, like the way that he gasps when Hyunsik bites his neck. He gets used to sitting in Hyunsik’s lap in the small practice rooms kissing slowly and deeply, Hyunsik’s arms around his lower back stabilizing him as he figures out how to touch Hyunsik’s body, tentatively at first and then eagerly. He gets used to waking up in the morning sore from sleeping all night in strange contortions because two people aren’t meant to sleep in their tiny single beds. But even after all that, Ilhoon is still insecure about sex.
Ilhoon knows that he has a great body, but he doesn’t know quite what to do with it. Luckily, Hyunsik is always patient and always kind, especially when it comes to Ilhoon.
The first time they actually have sex, Hyunsik showers Ilhoon with compliments as he undresses him, alternating between spoken praises—how beautiful he looks, how talented he is, how hot he sounds, what a lovey shade of red his face is flushing, how fucking lucky Hyunsik is—and words half-verbalized and then pressed against every bit of newly exposed skin.
Ilhoon knew that his weirdly strong desire for Hyunsik’s compliments had always been a thing, but he didn’t know it was a thing until he comes apart embarrassingly fast under Hyunsik’s hands and words. But Hyunsik is right there with him, and afterwards he murmurs praises into Ilhoon’s ear until they fall asleep.
Some days Hyunsik will randomly tell Ilhoon that he’s wonderful, that he’s beautiful, that he’s talented and charming.
Ilhoon replies, “But I already know that,” smirking like he’s caught Hyunsik in a clever trap.
Hyunsik just smiles and says, “Good, then that means I succeeded.”
Ilhoon thinks that maybe he should feel annoyed that Hyunsik outplayed him, tricked him into being more self-confident by withholding his compliments until Ilhoon didn’t need them, but he really can’t bring himself to care.
Later, Hyunsik tells Ilhoon that he loves him, in the quiet, intimate space of Hyunsik’s lower bunk, bodies pressed together in a way that’s just on the verge of uncomfortable as they listen to the sound of their bandmates’ breathing.
“I already know that too.” Ilhoon giggles and presses giddy kisses to Hyunsik’s bicep, his wrist, his palm, and whatever other parts he can reach.
“I know. But that’s ok because it’s not a compliment.” Ilhoon pouts, and Hyunsik twists his neck to what has to be an uncomfortable angle to kiss the pout off his lips. “It’s a fact.”