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for as long as karl has been aware of it, he’s been a very physical person. for a while he thought it was just him being touch starved having never been in a relationship for most of his life, but well into high school karl came to know what love languages are. and karl jacobs’ love language is physical affection.
not like sex or even kissing most of the time, but just the small touches. he hugs his friends when he has a bad day, he holds chris’ hand when he gets nervous, he sits very closely to his friends often with a gentle hand on their back or shoulder. these sort of touches make karl feel safe; they make him feel loved, brings comfort.
karl’s relationship with sapnap over time was no exception to karl’s expression of love.
--
— 1
karl
hey man 🙂 just landed
i’ll be to baggage check ASAP
sapnap nimrod
okay! i’m already here and i’ll be waiting :) take your time
Karl exhales slowly. The plane ride was more than he could have asked for; he was sat next to a quiet older man who slept for most of the ride which allowed Karl to doze off as well. The airport creaks in a loud silence. Karl’s tennis shoes make quiet taps against the floor as he gets into the actual early morning bustle of the building.
He’s about to meet Sapnap.
They had been planning this for a while. It was just always a logical thought that the two of them would be one of the first ones in the group to meet; Karl travelled a lot anyway and his connection with Sapnap was one that couldn’t be ignored. They always have gotten along well, and especially leading up to the days of their meeting have spent hours of their days on call with each other.
Karl’s nervous. He’s not sure how different it’s going to be in person; he doesn’t want things to change, badly. He’s never met one of his internet friends before, with the Mr. Beast guys he had only known them from when he initially met them. There was no dramatic lead up or budding friendship before they met.
calm down karl, its gonna be okay.
Karl hopes he’s right. To his left, a woman pushing a baby stroller runs directly by him. He stops in his tracks and watches her run with wide eyes. 7 am was way too early to be getting here right now, but it had been the only flight time available when he and Sapnap had planned this all out. Truthfully, they spent hours deciding the best days and times and trying to line them up. Today was perfect. Karl has a temporary week break with Mr. Beast, due to the planning of a much larger scale project going on, so there was no other time that could’ve been more perfect. He only gets to spend one night at Sapnap’s house, but one night is always better than never getting to meet your best friend.
Karl looks around. He has a headache forming from the pure excitement of the situation— and the lack of hydration he’d considered when he chugged a monster before his flight. He waves his fingers around and then clenches his hand into a fist to wake himself up and stimulate himself into thinking critically.
And then, like that, everything changes. He sees him.
dear lord
Sapnap sits on the far side of a bench pressed against the pristine white walls. His elbows rest on his knees as he leans forward, his fingers interlocked in each other and staring down at them.
Karl’s heart races. Sapnap looks… pretty in the most real sense of the word. His hair is fluffy, Sapnap had mentioned wanting to get a haircut before they met, but Karl guesses he never got around to it. His facial hair looks trimmed from what he can see.
its not too late to turn around. you can tell him you got sick and couldnt come- book the next flight home. live forever in your happy universe where you and sapnap stay best friends. you can j—
“Karl?”
Karl breaks out of his nervous trance. Sapnap is standing now and smiling at him; his voice is smooth. It’s almost scary the difference between the sound of a fuzzy audio and someone’s real voice. Suddenly, all the nerves turn into butterflies. Karl releases his fingers from their hold on his backpack straps and immediately runs forward. In a moment, Karl has his arms wrapped around Sapnap’s shoulders and his head buried in his sweatshirt. Expensive cologne and old spice.
He inhales deeply; his knees feel weak. He can feel Sapnap’s arms tighten protectively over his midriff.
is this real?
“I can’t believe this,” Karl whispers. They pull back and Karl’s heart grows as he looks at Sapnap like this. Close. Personal.
“I can’t either,” Sapnap replies smoothly. He drags his fingers across Karl’s skin until they’re finally back at his sides, “C’mon, lets get you home.”
home.
i’m starting to think you might be home in the moments ive met you.
Their fingers brush as they walk, burning holes where they touch.
-
“You can call me Kelly,” Sapnap’s mom says as she greets Karl and hugs him. She looks just like Nick, and it’s suddenly very clear that he’s a momma’s boy. He’s standing nervously next to his mom and cautiously watches her reaction.
Kelly wasn’t a part of their original plans. She was supposed to be gone in Dallas this weekend for a work related trip, but it was cancelled days after Karl booked his ticket. They had both decided it was okay, and there was no need to reschedule months later. Karl would just simply meet his mom.
“it’s not that bad, she’ll love you karl. it’s pretty hard not to,” sapnap had said over voice chat late one night. his voice was laced with sleep, but it came out as a genuine phrase. he was being serious.
“It’s nice to meet you, Kelly. Thank you for letting me stay over tonight,” Karl smiles.
-
Karl wakes up in unfamiliar territory. His back feels like there’s a rod gone down the center; his eyes slowly adjust to where he is. Sapnap’s house. They’d stayed up all night playing on the SMP with Quackity, and then for even longer just talking. Karl looks up to Sapnap’s sleeping body from his position on the air mattress. He had insisted Sapnap keep the bed, he’s used to sleeping in unconventional positions anyway from his time on the Mr. Beast channel during odd challenges.
Sapnap is rolled onto his front side, his head tilted sideways and his arm cocked above his head and resting on the pillow. He’s snoring quietly.
peaceful. pretty.
Karl feels as if its only been seconds before he’s suddenly in a car again. Kelly drives both of them to the airport. She had plans for later in the day, anyway and didn’t want her son to waste gas money. Sapnap had argued against it at first but has no complaints now as the two sit in the back seat together (Sapnap in the seat to the very right, and Karl ‘annoyingly’ taking the middle seat rather than the left).
Karl rests his head on Sapnap’s shoulder and shuts his eyes; he wants to take in this moment. The moment that’s ending too soon. The moment that feels so short that he thinks he could forget every second of it. Sapnap tenses for a moment at the feeling of Karl leaning on him, but slowly eases up. He’s not used to people like Karl who thrive on physical affection, and especially maybe not while his mom is in the front seat.
Sapnap moves his hands to where his and Karl’s rest next to each other on the backside. The touch sets a flame in Karl’s chest.
friend.
“Do you have someone who will pick you up when you get back or are you gonna call an uber?” Sapnap asks softly and tilts his head down to see Karl better.
Karl hums. “Chris will be there.”
He nods slowly.
At the airport, Kelly stays in the car to let Karl and Sapnap have their proper goodbyes (not before giving Karl a hug and telling him that he is welcome at their house anytime). The silence during their walk is thick. So thick that Karl feels as if he could reach out and grab it. Karl stops at his terminal. Before he can control himself, he sniffles back his tears. “Come here,” Sapnap says and pulls him into a warm hug, “I’ll see you again before you know it. Maybe even next time I’ll come see you.”
Barbed wire encloses Karl’s throat as he tries not to sob, warm tears threatening to break the dam open. He takes a deep breath- inhaling the scent of Sapnap’s cologne once again.
soon. again.
“I’m gonna miss you, it’s different now,” Karl whispers. It’s true. Nothing can go back now, and Karl doesn’t want anything to go back to the way they were before.
He can feel Sapnap grin, “I’m gonna miss you more. I had a lot of fun with you, Karl.”
Sapnap’s hold on him feels protective. Sapnap feels like the definition of comfort; home.
-
When Karl gets off the plane his phone immediately buzzes with a twitter notification that he missed.
New tweet from sapnap2 @twsimpnap:
my mom just asked when she gets to see karl next. @honkkarl we miss you :(
Instead of replying, he texts Sapnap.
karl
i miss you.
sapnap nimrod
i miss you too :((
how was your flight?
karl
it went well :)
wish i couldve held you longer.
sapnap nimrod
i know. i feel the same way
--
— 2
The second time they meet is only 2 months later. Sapnap books a plane ticket to North Carolina and a ticket back home set for 4 days later. With a frustrating amount of tension between the two boys with missing each other—
“sapnap quit moping,” dream reads off a donation to sapnap on call with him.
“i’m not moping,” sapnap mutters back. he clicks quickly at a hoglin that had sneakily gotten behind him and throws his head back when a second runs up and kills him.
“chat, sapnap has been moping because karl went home a few days ago and he misses h-”
“shut upppp dude!” sapnap buries his red face in his hands, thankful in the moment that he hadn’t gone for doing a facecam stream.
—it only takes midafternoon on the first day for anything to happen.
Karl yawns quietly and peeks his eyes open. He is met immediately with Sapnap’s sleeping face. They lie in Karl’s bed together with Karl wrapped around him. One of Sapnap’s hands rests in Karl’s hair, and the other one lies on Karl’s waist. His thumb slits underneath Karl’s t-shirt and rests on the bare skin there.
Monday afternoons with jetlag call for naptime. They had barely been in the house for an hour before they headed off to bed, just enough time for Sapnap to meet his roommates and introduce himself. There was no asking or mention of them getting in bed together when they got to Karl’s room, there was a silent agreement at this point that they enjoy the physical companionship of each other.
i could get used to you being in my life, sapnap. permanently. i’m starting to think i want you to be in my life as more than just my best friend. the longer i’m looking at your face the more i just want to-
“What are you thinking about?” Sapnap whispers. His eyes are squinted with sleep and there’s a small grin forming.
karl don’t say it.
“Kissing you.”
radio silence.
fuck
did you mess it up karl?
why isn’t he saying anyt-
Sapnap moves his hand from Karl’s waist and instead uses it to drag his fingers across’s Karl’s jaw. The touch feels too intimate to be real. Karl melts into his touch; he closes his eyes.
Sapnap leans forward and presses their lips together. Karl holds his friend closer and kisses back. The kiss is soft and over before it’s even really started. A kiss of earlier-day watermelon gum. The tipping point into the unknown. Their foreheads lean together. Sapnap’s thumb swipes against the corner of Karl’s lip.
“I wanna take you on a date tomorrow,” Karl whispers. Sapnap doesn’t respond verbally, instead he nods softly. “Is that okay, Nick? I don’t wanna do anything you aren’t comfortable with.”
“No no no, I would love that. I wanna go on a date with you, Karl.” Sapnap leans back to see all of Karl’s face again, his cheeks tinted with red blush, “I’ve liked you for a while. I don’t think I even realized it until you left me at the airport.”
“It hurt to leave,” Karl says back. He uses his fingers to swipe away a strand of hair falling in front of Sapnap’s eyes, “I want you to be here with me forever.” Sapnap smiles.
They lay in silence. Not like the silence at the airport that was dangerous and sharp. This silence envelops the boys in warmth. A comfortable feeling. Sapnap kisses Karl again.
you make me feel alive, sap. you turn me inside out, exposed to the world for what its worth. you destroy me in the best way possible. i don’t want you to go. because when you’re gone i’ll be the shell of a man i was before.
“Karl,” Sapnap whispers. The sing song cheer in his voice of pure happiness. Karl hums in response. The afternoon ecstasy of this current situation gives them both a high. “Does this mean we’re boyfriends now?” Sapnap’s emphasis on the word ‘boyfriends’ makes the whole phrase sound like they’re in middle school again. Karl has a little school girl crush on Sapnap, and has just found out that he has one back. They’ll pass notes in class and then-
“Do you want us to be boyfriends now?” Karl mimics his phrasing and slips one hand down the back of Sapnap’s collar. His cold palm lays flat on his back.
“Mhmm,” Sapnap gives a pursed lipped smile, “Now kiss me again, nimrod.” Karl hums and initiates the kiss now, soothing feeling against his boyfriend . Afternoon birds tweet loudly outside his window near to where a train is heard passing. Karl can barely hear the murmur of his roommates chatting downstairs as he relaxes himself into Sapnap’s touch.
it’s going to be harder when he leaves now.
yeah, but now there’s no unanswered thoughts. now there’s no worrying or unfinished phrases. only him.
kiss me harder.
--
— 3
Exhaustion pours over Karl like a shower. His shirt clings to his collar and itches. Every part of his body feels like it’s on fire and about to explode. He rotates his wrists and tilts his head back where he sits on a random sofa in the studio. The studio is loud right now. The noises echo in his ears and never seem to leave. A constant reminder of his overworked and overwhelmed body right now.
“Hey Karl, someone’s here for you man!” one of the crew calls from near the entrance of the building. Karl shuts his eyes and groans inwardly.
“Thought you’d be more excited to see me,” a familiar voice says from behind Karl. He peeks one eye open and turns to see his boyfriend standing there with a pretend frown on his lips. Karl smiles at him. Sapnap drops his look and walks around to crouch in front of where Karl sits, “What’s wrong, baby?”
At this point, it’s Karl’s turn to frown. He crosses his arms in front of his belly, “‘M tired,” are the only words he can seem to muster.
Karl’s been at the Mr. Beast studio since late yesterday afternoon. The production of their new video took longer than expected and Karl had to stay overnight trying to help fix their technical bugs and also film some parts of the video itself. To say that he’s tired is actually an understatement. Karl isn’t sure he can even stand up from his position he’s branded himself into on the sofa. And to be honest, the last person he was expecting to show up today was Sapnap. Sap was filming earlier with BadBoyHalo and Karl figured that he would just be in the process of editing by now.
It also didn’t hurt the fact that Sapnap had never visited the studio before. Of course, he’s been introduced to all the boys but he never really found time to come see Karl while he was at work until now.
“C’mon, let's get you home,” Sapnap tugs on Karl’s hands softly. Karl murmurs some words, he’s not sure what exactly he tries to say. Sapnap doesn’t know either, he just smiles instead at his sleepy boyfriend. He gets Karl to stand up, but only on the premise that Karl holds for his life onto Sapnap’s right arm as they walk. His face presses sideways against Sap’s upper arm.
Karl drags his feet as they walk. He stares down at the floor and makes the ‘mistake’ of looking up and making eye contact with all of his friends across the building.
“Hey man! You leaving?” Chris asks.
Karl nods slowly. Sapnap takes over for talking, “Yeah, he’s really tired. I figured I should come check on him after he replied to my texts earlier with just a series of keyboard smashes rather than actual words.” Karl can hear the smile in his voice. Endearing.
~
sapnap nimrod
any updates on when you’ll be home?
i miss you ☹️
karl
i thfjnjbjmm bbe hkwmwn hehhe inntjnenendr;& litlele nrke. wenjsutn finsihed :6
~
“Oh yeah for sure,” Sapnap replies to something Jimmy had said. To be honest, he just blanked their entire conversation. “It was good seeing you again, dude.”
“Good seeing you too, bye guys,” Jimmy waves to them as they finally head out.
Karl passes out in the passenger’s seat on the way back to their apartment. Just two months ago, Sapnap moved out of his mom’s house and came to North Carolina to start renting an apartment with Karl. At the same time, Karl moved out of his shared house.
our home
Neither have told any of the viewers, but they also haven’t hidden any information from them either. If someone were to ask, they would probably admit to living together.
Sapnap shakes Karl awake back at the apartment. They get inside, with way too much effort from Sapnap to move Karl, and instantly go to the couch in the living room. Karl mutters about turning on a movie and wanting to stay awake until at least after dinner to fix his sleep schedule.
Sapnap sits in the far corner of the couch. Karl lays across him with his head resting on Sapnap’s upper thigh and holding hands with him. Sapnap uses his other hand to trace small designs with his fingers into Karl’s scalp. A small rectangle, a diamond, a star, and many small loops. They all connect and swirl into each other.
And before the movie even starts, Karl is asleep again. He doesn’t snore, contrary to Sapnap’s own loudness when sleeping. Karl is a peaceful sleeper. He looks small, younger even whenever he falls asleep. He looks as if the weight of the world could fall around him and he wouldn’t be disturbed. Strong.
“I love you.”
i love you too.
--
— 4
When Karl opens his eyes from his slumber, he immediately closes them again. The dense pain of a headache rests between his eyes and weighs at the front of his forehead. The light shining in the curtains of his bedroom is way too bright, as a result leaving Karl with pinched eyes and his fingers rushing to hide his face.
Karl pats the bed next to him. To his dismay, Sapnap’s not in bed anymore. He takes a deep breath and it does nothing to alleviate the dull fierceness of his headache.
“Sapnap?” Karl whispers, unable to project anymore of his voice. There’s no response. Their apartment is deadly silent aside from a short-lived clicking sound. Editing? Or SMP? It was usually one or the other.
Karl sits up slowly and tries to ignore the insistent pounding of his head. These headaches are the worst, waking up and feeling helpless to it. He gets them way too often, something he would have to check up with his doctor soon. But, he was sure it was because of the very recent stress of streaming and new projects. A lot of things just seem to keep piling on top of the things Karl already still hasn’t finished.
At the end of the bed sits one of Sapnap’s hoodies- his white one with the written Nike logo across the front. The one that fits Karl in the way he likes the most, not too long but still big enough to feel extra comfortable on his skin. He holds the cloth to his face and inhales the smell of his boyfriend’s cologne and natural smell. It brings a wave of calm over him like a summer breeze.
Karl pulls his current t-shirt off of his head and slides on the new one. He relishes in the feeling of the sweatshirt against his bare skin. It feels like home. It feels like home because Sapnap is home to him.
Karl stands, his pajama pants dragging on the hardwood flooring. He slides his feet and walks into their “office” (AKA their gaming room that has one filing cabinet for important information). Sure enough, Sapnap sits with his headphones on editing a new video for his channel that he had been up late filming last night. He doesn’t take any notice of Karl’s entrance and continues clicking away at his keyboard.
Touch is the way Karl experiences love in a very big majority. So in moments like right now, Karl Jacobs just wants to be held. He wants to be reminded that Sapnap is here and that he loves Karl. He wants to feel the touch of his skin that’s always so hot it burns Karl in the best way possible. The touches that leave mental scars in Karl’s head of the exact places they were. He needs to be reminded of the drug inducing feeling of even being next to his boyfriend. The feeling that could make a headache, even like this one, almost drip away and never come back.
He drags his feet slowly. When he reaches Sapnap he reaches out his arms, almost in mimic of how a small child would reach for their parent. In a way of comfort.
Sapnap perks his head up and tilts it to the side with a smile, “Goodmorning.”
Karl wraps his arms and legs around Sapnap’s body on the chair. He rests his head in the crook of his neck, shutting his eyes softly. He can feel Sapnap pull away from the computer and place one of his hands on Karl’s back, rubbing gently, and his other hand into Karl’s hair. Karl exhales. Positions like these are always Sapnap’s favorite. No matter how they correlate cuddling, he always ends up playing with Karl’s hair (Karl won’t complain, he adores the feeling of Sapnap’s fingers running over his scalp).
It’s enough to make Karl want to ignore the throbbing of his head, but it’s hard to with the incredible amount of pressure and the lack of communication he feels able to do right now.
“Karl- what’s wrong?” Sapnap’s voice is low, softer than usual.
“Mngh”
Sapnap giggles, “Baby, I need to know if you’re okay.”
“M’ head hurts,” Karl whispers back. He holds tighter onto Sapnap, securely wrapped around him. Sapnap doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t need to, just like Karl doesn’t have to say anything else.
Sapnap gets back to work on the computer and lets Karl hold onto him while he works, in his comfortable position like a starfish.
i could stay here forever. i may as well. wherever you are: i’ll be there.
Karl falls asleep in their position; when he wakes up again, they’re still in the same spot except now Sapnap is playing on the SMP with George and Karl’s headache has dulled in the slightest peace.
“Yeah he’s here,” Sapnap replies through the headset. Karl can only hear his responses to George.
“No- he had a headache earlier. I think he- yeah.”
“He’s in my lap right now, George- yeah i’m comfortable.”
Sapnap giggles for a minute, “Hi Dream.”
“- I am not!”
“Dream he’s my actual boyfriend… How am I being a simp?”
Karl nudges Sapnap’s side with his knuckles and it makes him jolt, “Hey simp, you’re being loud,” he whispers.
Sapnap leans down and kisses the top of Karl’s head, “Oh- I’m sorry… go back to sleep baby,” he whispers and abandons his keyboard for a moment to give Karl a hug and squeeze him softly.
Karl can hear Dream and George laugh loudly into the headphones; he smiles into Sapnap’s shoulder. He knows Sapnap is blushing as he mutters for both of them to shut up.
--
— 5
It wasn’t supposed to go this way.
None of this was supposed to happen.
The tension in their living room rises as Karl gives Sapnap a blank stare.
Sapnap doesn’t remember how any of this started, they were having such a good night. One thing flipped and they started arguing and Sapnap just kept getting irritated and then just-
He snapped. And now all he knows is his spot, frozen in his shoes and
karl is upset.
“I’m going to bed- I just- I can’t deal with this tonight, Nick. I- Yeah no,” Karl shakes his head and bites his lip. Sapnap can see the glistening of his eyes.
nick. don’t hear that one often.
“Yeah- go to bed then Karl. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Sapnap’s words fall out of his mouth in a monotone way, traced with irritation.
“Tomorrow. Alright. Then have fun sleeping on the couch tonight. I’m not fighting with you anymore,” Karl draws out his words and exits for their bedroom with crossed arms before Sapnap can get a word in.
Instantly, Sapnap falls onto the couch and covers his eyes.
what the hell
karl you’re supposed to tell me no. you’re supposed to tell me not to be a nimrod and then invite me back to bed and then-
not this.
Covering his mouth to stop himself from crying, Sapnap calls the only person he knows who could give him advice right now.
“Hey Sapnap, I’m in a VC right now. Can I call you back in like 30 minutes?”
Sapnap shakes his head, “I’d rather not. I kind of need you right now, Dream.” He can hear his own voice crack with emotion and cringes. He walks with his phone onto their balcony, so Karl doesn’t have to hear their conversation.
30 minutes later, Sapnap’s walking back into their bedroom. He knocks once, just to see if Karl is still awake and may not want to see him. He exhales deeply. Karl lays curled asleep on top of their blankets. His under eyes cave and darken and make him look…
fragile.
Sapnap grabs a blanket from their closet and slowly wraps it across Karl’s sleeping form.
-
“you’re a fucking idiot, sapnap.”
dream’s words do nothing to comfort him right now. he pinches his lips together and wipes his eyes. he wants to cry… he is crying.
dream continues, “and you better not have ruined what you have with karl. obviously i’m not in your relationship, but i know he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. i’ve known you a long time sapnap. you two are meant to be together, and you better not fucking ruin things with him.”
sapnap chokes on his words, “what do i do?”
“...show him that you don’t hate him now.”
night creaks and the air feels crisp. the view of their apartment faces their city. sapnap feels smaller than usual, a lack of man. if things don’t fix with karl…
he doesn’t even want to think about that.
by now, he’d probably move back to texas. he would get his own apartment closer to his mom’s house. she would cry with him and support him and smack him on the head for leaving karl. but she would love him, still. but he would be miserable. living without karl in his life is unimaginable. he would have to continue making videos and watching karl interact with all of his best friends. he would have to pretend that it was normal and that nothing ever happened. his friends would start scheduling streams to do with only one of them in call. fans would notice something was wrong. sapnap would know something was wrong. he would miss him. he would hurt for him and love him.
“okay dream,” sapnap whispers. his words feel weak in his mouth.
the line is silent for a moment.
“sapnap- call me tomorrow,” dream’s voice is much calmer now, “call me so i know you’re okay. and if things aren’t okay, just know i’m still here for you. you’re my best friend, nick.”
nick. hearing it this time is heartwarming rather than feeling so demeaning.
“thanks dream. i love you man.”
-
Sapnap’s parents never did this. His parents would fight and go to sleep in different rooms.
maybe that’s why it hurt me so bad that he would say that
His parents would scream and yell. And he would wake up to his dad falling asleep in their living room recliner. And even if they didn’t sleep in different rooms, they would lay on opposite sides of the bed and face away from each other. Sapnap doesn’t want to turn out how his parents did.
He crawls onto the bed and lays down next to Karl. He moves softly as to not wake the sleeping boy.
He drags his thumb across Karl’s cheek and kisses his forehead once.
its okay. the world didn’t collapse.
Karl shifts. Sapnap holds his breath. Karl extends his arm out to Sapnap and opens the blanket out to him as a wordless invitation. He gets in the blanket with Karl and wraps his arms around him.
“I’m so sorry, Karl.”
i don’t want us to be like my parents. i don’t want to fight with you ever again. i want you to know i care about you more than i’ve ever cared for a person. like dream said, we’re meant to be together. you’re my other half-
“It’s okay, Sap,” Karl whispers. A blanket of comfort holds him in the moment.
it’s okay. it’s okay.
“I love you, Karl.”
“I love you too,” Karl sleepily smiles and leans into Sapnap’s touch, “We’ll be okay.”
we will be. we will turn out alright.
--
— 6
Heat rises in Karl’s stomach as he pulls closer to Sapnap. With his boyfriend sat on the couch and Karl on his lap, he digs his fingers into Sapnap’s hair. Sap pulls tight on his waist as he brings their lips together. They move in sync. His natural scent feeling like a drug. Karl parts his lips and feels a wave of warm come over him.
you are my warmth. more
He weakens and falls in closer to Sapnap, feeling gone. Sapnap’s hands travel up the back of his shirt and feel like fire. He gasps and comes out of the kiss, tilting his head back. Sap leans forward and kisses along Karl’s neck and gets closer to his jaw. Karl gasps and tightens his grip.
“Nick,” he whispers out.
Sap pulls back with a grin, “Hmm?” He kisses again on Karl’s neck.
“Nick,” Karl giggles, “Not right now- I just wanna kiss.”
“You and your kisses,” Sapnap mutters amusedly. Nonetheless, their lips meet again. Karl’s stomach twists as he moves their lips together. Sapnap’s beard rubs against his chin; Karl smiles into the kiss.
It’s messy, but it’s sweet. Open, soft kissing is the only thing in Karl’s head. Distracted from any thoughts whatsoever besides the touch of his beautiful boyfriend and surrounding feeling.
Breathless, “You are so beautiful,” Sapnap whispers and presses again.
your kisses are like an ocean. i'm drowning. i'm surrounded by you. you’re all i know and you’re all i feel. i need more of you, i need you to breathe.
Sapnap falls back, his back resting against the couch and bringing Karl’s body closer. “I wanna do something,” Karl whispers and leans back. He examines his boyfriend’s face. Cheeks red, and lips puffy. He looks gorgeous.
Sapnap tilts his head, “Okay?”
“I’ll be back,” Karl jumps up excitedly and runs into the other room, leaving Sapnap alone and ruining the mood of what they had going on.
it’ll be worth it.
Karl comes back into their living room with his vinyl player and a record that he had custom-made with some of his favorite songs. He carefully sets the piece down and turns around to a confused Sapnap.
The music hums softly, beginning the song and spiralling around the room. Karl smiles and holds out a hand to his boyfriend, “May I have this dance?”
Karl’s random outburst idea had come out of nowhere and confused him, but now warms his heart, slow dancing with Karl. “Of course,” Sapnap stands. They fall into a slow step, a simple sway. Karl closes his arms around Sapnap’s shoulders; his own on Karl’s waist. The song begins.
‘i’ve waited a hundred years, but i’d wait a million more for you.
nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours would do.’
Their eyes stay locked, the warm feeling from earlier bursting out of Karl’s heart. Love. Sapnap kisses Karl again, this time only a small peck on his lips. They rest foreheads against each other.
‘if i had only felt the warmth within your touch
if i had only seen how you smile when you blush
or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough
i would've known what i was living for all along’
The record cracks and spins into beautiful music. The room is dim and melts into place. “I love you,” Karl whispers.
“I love you too.”
They don’t say anything else. They don’t need to. Sometimes it’s easier not to say anything, sometimes it's better just to show each other. Sometimes words can never be enough. Karl moves one hand from Sapnap’s shoulder and places it on his chest. Warm.
Sapnap brings up one hand to Karl and they interlock fingers.
‘your love is my turning page
where only the sweetest words remain’
Sapnap tugs his hand up softly. Karl spins and almost trips over his own feet. They both giggle and fall back into place, finding their natural sway to the song. Karl rests his head on Sapnap’s chest as Sapnap leans his head forward to rest gently.
‘every kiss is a cursive line
every touch is a redefining phrase
i surrender who i’ve been for who you are’
The song continues and they sway in silence. Everything proving to be more powerful than any words that could be spoken.
wherever you are is wherever i feel safe. wherever i feel loved. i’ll go with you forever, nick. i love you.
end.