Chapter Text
It was one day after the confrontation with Higuichi, and L had never been more depressed. The rest of the team was rejoicing at their apparent progress, but L only felt a yawning pit of dread slowly expanding in his chest.
“Are you okay, Ryuzaki?” Light asked him from the swivel chair to his left, and L allowed his eyes to slide over to him briefly. Light was wearing that one slightly puzzled but kindly concerned look that he sometimes brought out when he didn’t follow what was going through L’s head. Was it L’s imagination, or was there a glint of malicious humor behind those eyes that hadn’t been present for the past couple of months?
“Yes, quite alright. Why? Are you okay, Light?”
Light cocked his head contemplatively. “Well, I guess I’m as alright as I can be, given the circumstances. Honestly, I think that it’s hard to respond to that question with a positive answer so long as we’re on this case,” he said with a sad smile.
L toyed with his lower lip with his thumb, biting down on it slightly in mild irritation. He didn’t miss the way Light’s eyes flickered briefly down towards the movement before returning just as quickly to his face without any change in expression.
L had to know. That’s all he wanted, he just wanted to know.
The detective wasn’t beneath resorting to dirty tactics, especially now that he was beginning to become aware of the uncomfortable feeling that his own life felt like it was more immediately at stake than it had ever been before. His next planned move wasn’t exactly an elegant one, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it might be exactly what he needed to confirm his suspicions once and for all.
Even if no one else would ever believe him, L had to know whether or not he was right about Light being Kira.
He made his move that night when they were getting ready for bed. Neither of them slept much, so it was nearly 1 AM by the time they headed up to their shared room, which was early for them. Per usual, they brushed their teeth together in silence, and Light changed into sleepwear in silence, while L sat with his knees to his chest on the small couch that occupied the center of their room. The chain that stretched between them was just barely long enough that Light could stand in the closet while L remained on the couch. L almost broached the subject then and there, but no. He had to be able to see Light’s face when he asked.
“Have you seen my watch, Ryuzaki?” Light called from the closet before he exited in pajama pants and a plain black t-shirt.
L held up Light’s watch with two fingers.
There was a split second where Light’s eyes seemed to flash, but it might’ve just been the reflection of the light as he moved towards L with his hand outstretched. “Ryuzaki,” he said with a frown as he took it.
“I was merely checking the time,” L replied in his bored drawl. “You see, I was worried that it had gotten too late, and I actually have something I’d like to speak with you about, Light.”
“Of course,” Light said easily, setting his watch on the dresser at the front of the room and leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed casually. “What is it?”
Despite himself, L felt a dull thrill of nerves. Good. He could use that. Light would know from the start that this was another test, another game, but if L could put genuine feeling behind the act, Light would likely be more willing to play along.
L shifted himself into a slightly more compressed ball, resting one hand on his knees and bringing the other up to his lips as he locked eyes with Light. “The truth is that I don’t trust you as a person,” he began, and Light performed his usual display of hurt and disappointment. “But it is also true that I’ve never found anyone else who understands me as well as you do, whose intellect matches my own. Whose intellect, and whose ego,” L added thoughtfully. “We go well together.”
“Where is this going, Ryuzaki?” Light asked, his expression now slightly guarded.
L intentionally let his thumb slide across his bottom lip before he spoke. “There’s something that I’ve been wanting to try for quite a while, but I’ve never been particularly interested or motivated enough to pursue it before I met you. I may not trust you with my life, but I would trust you with my body. I want you to show me what sex is like.”
The silence that followed, L knew, was deceptive. The surprised, but not too surprised expression on Light’s otherwise carefully blank face, L knew, was deceptive. And therein lay the problem. L wasn’t sure that he’d ever seen a version of Light without his masks on.
“I’m not going to lie, that’s not what I was expecting,” Light finally said with a little laugh, uncrossing his arms so that he could run one hand through his hair. His golden brown eyes were intent on L’s, and weren’t nearly as relaxed as the rest of his demeanor suggested. “This isn’t some kind of test again, is it?”
“Oh, Light,” L said with an exaggerated sigh, shifting so that he was leaning his chin on one hand. “Everything that I have you do is a test.”
Light rolled his eyes, and ran the same hand through his hair again. L wondered if it was a movement that he’d practiced, that he played on a timed loop to appear more relaxed, more alluring, more human. L liked the idea that maybe he’d messed with the rhythm of that times loop, that maybe internally, Light was stuttering, malfunctioning.
“This is obviously only relevant if you yourself are interested as well, of course,” L continued flatly, tilting his head slightly to the side. “But, I’m fairly certain that you are.”
Here it was. The moment of decision. Light’s face was so perfectly neutral; L could only begin to guess at the storm of calculations and cost benefits analyses and deductions that were taking place behind those burning eyes.
Finally, Light crossed his arms again, slowly this time. His eyebrows narrowed ever so slightly. “I won’t lie and say that the thought has never crossed my mind,” he admitted, imbuing his tone of voice with that perfect blend of bashfulness and playful curiosity.
L thought it was rather funny how often Light began his sentences with various iterations of ‘I wouldn’t lie.’
“What exactly are you looking for? And hey, you do know that I have a girlfriend, right?” Light added, somehow having the gall to look mildly offended.
“You’re not dating Misa,” L said. “She’s dating you. You just tolerate her presence. You don’t have to pretend around me, Light. And I’m looking for anything you’re interested in giving me.”
A beat of silence.
“I’m honored that you’re interested in me, and that you trust me enough with something like this,” Light began. “I’m willing to give it a shot, but let’s start slow, especially if you’ve never done anything like this before. Okay?” he said, uncrossing his arms with a smile and walking towards L, who shifted instinctively to the side as Light sat down on the couch next to him. “Have you ever... kissed anyone before?” Light asked, much closer now. He was half turned toward L, who was still facing directly forwards, suddenly unable to make eye contact with Light.
“No,” L said.
“Okay. Can we start there?” Light said gently, and for a second, L was almost convinced that it wasn’t an act, that Light was gentle, Light was caring.
“Yes,” L said.
“...Can you turn towards me, then?” Light asked, and L stuttered into motion, turning towards Light and shifting anxiously for a moment before climbing into his lap with his legs wrapped around Light’s torso.
“Oh, uh, okay,” Light said in surprise, adjusting himself until they were both comfortable. “This works too,” he said.
Another beat of silence. Dark eyes locked with light ones.
“Can I kiss you now?” Light asked.
“Yes,” L said.
Light brought one hand slowly up to L’s chin, maintaing eye contact the whole way through as he leaned forwards and guided their lips together in a soft, brief kiss. L felt a shudder pass through his body at the feeling of Light’s lips meeting his own, and he felt the instinct to let his eyes slip shut, but he resisted it. He had to watch Light’s reactions, or else this entire thing was for nothing.
But Light was nothing but the perfect gentleman. He pulled away to check on L, to make sure that he was comfortable, before letting their lips slide together again. “Still okay?” he murmured against L’s mouth, and L only nodded slightly. Light brought his other hand up to the small of L’s back, resting it there gently as he pushed them closer together.
This was nice. But L didn’t want nice. L wanted to see a crack in Light’s mask.
Leaning into the kiss, L tried to mimic Light’s skilled movements, to move his lips more dynamically and insistently against Lights. He shifted his body even closer to Lights, fisting his hands in his shirt, and Light seemed to pause, caught off guard.
L let his tongue slide experimentally over Light’s lips, and suddenly, the hand on L’s back was in his hair, crushing them even closer as Light kissed him back with an intensity that had been absent a moment earlier. L tried to match his energy, to turn it into another battle like the little ones that they waged against one another all day every day, and all of a sudden he was pressed up against the back of the couch.
He was still in Light’s lap as the larger man leaned over him, his grip on L’s chin and hair tightening as his tongue snaked into L’s mouth with violent, dominating insistency. L let out a small muffled yelp as Light pressed into him, and a thrill ran up his spine as he realized that something hard was pressing against his crotch as Light bore into him.
There. There it was. The tiniest sliver of a crack in the mask.
Light pulled back suddenly, his grip relaxing and his thumb smoothing over L’s cheek as L gasped and tried to catch his breath. Light panted slightly above him, and the low flames in his eyes seemed to flicker out all at once.
“Damn,” he said with a smile. “I’m so sorry, I think I got a little carried away,” he laughed, and quickly sat back so that L could push himself back into an upwards position. Light smoothed his hand through L’s hair in a calming gesture, and L’s wide eyes slowly narrowed back into their usual hooded half moons.
“Well,” L said, and then wasn’t sure what else to say.
Light laughed quietly again, as if it would smooth over the tension that still sparked electrically in the room. He carefully pushed L off of him as he rose to his feet, then extended one hand towards L. “I think that’s plenty of that for one night,” he said with a smile. “Maybe we can revisist this some other time. I don’t want to overwhelm you.”
Yes, you do , L thought, and he took Light’s hand.