Chapter Text
When Cal Kestis left the crew of the mantis, he never said a word to the others.
He slipped away in the evening while they were docked.
BD-1 was left behind. Easier that way. Cere would know why.
They had been so close to saving Trilla. She was going to come with them.
His dreams were painful memories he wanted to erase. With his psychometry, nothing ever truly left him.
Her last words. The sound of Vader’s blade in his ears felt like it could cut him too.
Cal was the one who got involved, and for what? Only for them to destroy the holocron.
Cal was tormented by the guilt. Too late had he realised that what he felt for Trilla Suduri was more than simple compassion alone.
The lost Jedi had to be alone, reaching out for the force to seek solace there. Something was guiding him. He drifted for a while hopping from system to system.
Cal was searching for answers. Eventually the Force drew him back to Zeffo, He hitched a ride with some smugglers in exchange for credits.
The site was lightly guarded. Sneaking back in was child’s play.
He found a way down into the Imperial facility, to the same entrance he had used before.
The elevator opened and Cal made his way over the tomb opening, he felt his psychometry come into effect when he took in the room.
He experienced their encounters once again.
“Cal Kestis…how predictable.”
The clash of their blue and red lightsabers.
“You're Trilla.”
The moment she bewitched him.
“In the flesh.”
Her final words.
“ Avenge us .”
Emotions cut through Cal, his grief and anger burned him.
Hearing her voice again only tightened his chest with aching regret.
He gasped as he was released back into reality. Small tears had escaped from the corners of his eyes. The past was hurting him too much. He fell to his knees and sobbed.
There were times where he really cursed his abilities. This was one of them.
He took a few moments to recover and stood up to venture inside the Zeffo tomb once more, and found his way into the dark forgotten ruins.
Except now, a black shimmering gateway stood on the other side of the crevice as he emerged.
Something otherworldly whispered in his mind.
“You can change your fate.”
Cal stared at it and felt its energy, this was what had drawn him back to this place.
The Jedi walked into the shadowy portal.
He did not recognise where he was when he reached the other side, it was no tomb that's for sure.
A black void etched with seemingly moving lines of white was in front of him, symbols and patterns he did not understand.
Intrigued, Cal looked back only to find the way he had come in was gone.
“Cal Kestis” an ethereal voice called out in seemingly all directions.
Cal closed his eyes and tried to focus on the voice, somehow he could sense they meant no harm.
“Where am I?” he asked.
“The Force has brought you here. You are in great pain, young Jedi.” They responded calmly.
“Yes, how do you know?” The Jedi questioned.
“You can hide your thoughts and feelings from others, even yourself. But not from the Force.” The entity explained.
“I lost someone. I failed them.” Cal hesitated before saying his next pained words. “I loved her.”
The entity gave it’s response.
“You can save her. But you will have to sacrifice much.”
“Show me.” Cal demanded.
The world began to shift and change.
It finally took shape and he remembered exactly where this was.
It was Nur, deep within the detention level of the Fortress Inquisitorious.
The redhead’s heart pounded with adrenaline when he heard that dreaded mechanical voice again.
“You have failed me Inquisitor.”
Cal apparently found himself back in his past self's body, facing off against Vader with Cere while a doomed Trilla waited helplessly.
Everything looked and felt completely real. He only had seconds to adjust to the change.
Vader ignited his lightsaber, The Second Sister’s eyes widened in horrific realisation.
“Avenge us!” she pleaded.
Without hesitation Cal used the force to move with incredible speed. The Jedi preempted Vader’s strike and now stood between him and Trilla.
Cal’s eyes burned with hatred for the Sith Lord.
“I won't let you kill her again!” The clash broke and they swung at each other.
Their sabers passed through one another like ghosts.
“What-?!” Cal questioned the force entity incredulously as the vision faded.
“That is not a path you can win, not in your current state. Not by yourself.” they warned.
“That wasn't real? Then how am i supposed to save her?” Cal pressed frustratingly.
“the burden you have been carrying can be turned into a weapon.”
The being continued to explain. “Light alone is not enough to defeat the one you call Vader. Your own darkness aligned with hers is the key.”
The Jedi remained silent trying to process the choice before him. The entity continued to speak.
“You’ve felt the dark side growing within you. Your emotions scream.”
“You miss her.” The voice was sincere and sounded like his own. “I know.”
The entity took form and a figure appeared out of the shadowy blackness.
Cal raised an eyebrow at the sight of his force counterpart, dressed in Imperial black.
“It’s been a while. Remember Bogano?” Dark Cal said.
“You're my shadow.” Cal answered. “My dark side.”
“Correct.” his counterpart replied. “I am everything you once feared to become, but that isn't so true anymore is it?”
“Trilla…” Cal’s memories seared pain into him.
His twin seemed to sympathise and flinch at them too.
“You regret not having the strength to save her? Then you know what you have to do Cal.
I may be what you would have become had you failed your mission. But you...you will be so much more. You will become our strongest self.
Your love for her is what will allow you to surpass the Chosen one. Vader.”
It felt strange to hear those words, his feelings for her. Finally spoken to him out loud.
“How…” Cal replied, fixated on what he was being told.
“Just as the Light has it’s fate. The Dark side has its own. Your Destiny has willed you to this.”
“Now! For once! Take something!. Take the power you need and set yourself free!” The apparition pointed to his weapon.
Cal pulled his lightsaber from his belt, levitating it in front of him.
He disassembled the weapon with his mind and extracted the kyber crystal.
“Bleed it.” His other self instructed.
With determination Cal called upon the force not with peace or focus but with grief, pain and rage.
He poured it all into the crystal intent on drowning it in his suffering.
Cal felt the crystal resist him, with anger he increased the pressure forcefully.
Every jolt of pain in his heart, the crushing nothingness that threatened to tear him apart every night. The toxic rush he now got from killing Imperials. His resentment for the Order and the inescapable feeling that had persisted since Vader’s killing stroke fell, was that a part of himself died. Rendered irretrievable and gone. Never to return.
He longed for death, Nor did he fear capture. He had become undone.
That was why Cal left, he had become a danger and a liability to the Mantis crew. Thank the force Master Tapal wasn't around to see him now.
The redhead screamed to the void of force, the atmosphere of the place echoing his energy.
He clenched his fist around the crystal as he finally released all the suffering he had endured into bending it to his will with a single command.
“ Bleed. ”
Shaking the abyss itself, Cal felt pain at first but then felt power rushing through as something in him gave.
Cal could feel the kyber’s energy rippling through the force.
A shockwave of energy exploded outwards from the centre.
The barrier was broken. He had done it.
Cal felt the dark side flowing through him, he opened his fist to reveal a shimmering crimson kyber crystal.
Cal brought the components together again. Rebuilding his blade once more. The redhead ignited it to reveal its new alignment in the force
Cal felt strength holding his new weapon.
“Fuck...look at that.” Cal laughed in disbelief as he examined his new lightsaber.
His other self spoke, commending his achievement. “Now you're ready. find her.”
In the darkness a gateway opened up.
He heard echoes and familiar voices coming from it as the view cleared to show a familiar sight. The Mantis.
Then he sensed it, not just an echo of her. But her . Trilla’s actual force signature. She was still alive there.
Cal thrust himself through the portal faster than he had ever moved in his life. Everything turned black as his entire being seemed to dissolve into it.
Cal found himself suddenly jolted awake as if waking from a dream. Disorientated and
in a daze he scanned his surroundings. His hand made contact with his weapon, so his saber had made the journey too. Cal felt the newly bled crystal too.
Sound began to reverberate in his ears as his attention focused back to reality.
Cere spoke “Once we’re inside I’ll engage their defense level. And then sabotage their sensors-Cal are you alright? Cal! What ar-“ before she could finish her sentence the fallen Jedi yanked her away from the pod into the hard metal wall behind him.
Before the Jedi Master could react, Cal had already summoned Trilla’s lightsaber to his hand. The same that had been left behind on Bogano, he secured it to his belt
The two of them made eye contact as Cere scrambled to her feet. Clutching her side.
“Cal! What on earth has gotten into you?!”
The redhead merely looked back at her. Letting his shadowed and amber flecked eyes speak for the darkness now present in him.
Cal ignited his crimson lightsaber and destroyed the other pod so it couldn't be used.
“Don't follow me.” He said warningly as he stepped inside and launched, leaving a stunned and disarmed Cere behind.