Chapter Text
After the committee hugged it out, Annie went home with her roommates. She was planning on starting her packing list right away, but it suddenly hit her that that would be the last week she would be living with Abed after three years, so, when they arrived, she decided to sit and watch TV with him. She didn't say anything. She didn't want to make it seem like the end, she just wanted to enjoy it.
After he and Britta went to sleep, she went to her room, but she wasn't tired so she started on her packing list. Her mind started wandering to her conversation with Jeff... had she really said, "I think you should kiss me now"? Oh my god, how would she face him? It wasn't like she was leaving tonight , this wasn't their freshman year. They would see each other for a week still, and she was only going away for the summer, for real this time.
The kiss felt as amazing as she remembered it, but it was different this time. Five years ago it was impulsive, they were happy she was staying, he was overwhelmed with the whole Britta/Slater thing and she had just broken up with her first real boyfriend. It felt like a promise, they had their whole lives ahead of them, she wasn't going anywhere and he didn't need to make a choice. This time it felt like a goodbye kiss. Even though she was just going for 10 weeks, it felt like this time they had to make a choice. It was now or never. And apparently, it was just not meant to be, because he had just kissed her goodbye.
A buzz in her lap startled her. She hadn't even realized she had stopped making her list and was staring at nowhere in particular for a while. She picked up her phone and read the notification:
Jeff Winger: Hey, are you awake?
--
On his way home, Jeff didn't want to think about everything that had happened in the last few hours, so he just focused on the glass of scotch he would have as soon as he got there. But, when he picked up the bottle, he realized he was just delaying the inevitable and, if he was going to think about this for real, he would have to be stone-cold sober (or hammered). He went with the first option, so he just got a glass of water and sat on his couch.
He didn't know what to think, so he started reminiscing about the last time she said she was going away. She had told everyone else it was just for the summer, but she trusted him enough to admit that she wasn't coming back. He was happy for her, now and then, but five years ago it didn't feel like he was losing the love of his life.
It had been almost a year since he realized how he felt for her. That his love was strong enough to reboot a real-life robot and open a door. He wanted to tell her for a while, but he always got scared. Like today, he told her part of it . He wanted to tell her everything, but he didn't want to risk her thinking he was just saying it to make her stay. That was always what made him keep quiet: the idea that he was holding her back.
He was a failed lawyer ( twice ) and a half-assed teacher at a crappy community college. She got an internship with the FBI even though she was going to said college. She has always been too good for him, and he knew it.
But then he remembered how it felt kissing her. Back then, when he was so happy she was staying that he felt like he could never let her go again (and then the thought scared him so much that he ignored her for three months). So why was he doing it again? Letting her go without telling her exactly how he feels. He needed to talk to her, tell her everything, no matter what happened. She could go away and never turn back, but she deserved to know how he felt, how she made him feel. So he made a decision, and he couldn't risk chickening out again, so he texted her.
Jeff Winger: Hey, are you awake?
Annie Eddison: Hi! Sure, what's up?
He had to do this face to face
Jeff Winger: We're going to have the whole summer to text, can I see you?
Annie Eddison: What do you mean? You wanna facetime?
That wasn't what he had in mind
Jeff Winger: We can do this during the summer too
Jeff Winger: Can I pick you up?
Annie Eddison: Oh
Annie Eddison: Ok
Jeff Winger: Be there in twenty
He raced down to his car, he couldn't risk psyching himself down.
-
She was really confused. What was there left to say? Had he regretted kissing her again already? He made it seem like he was planning on talking to her during the summer so it couldn't be that bad, could it? She left the house quietly, trying so hard not to wake Britta she didn't even notice her other roommate in the dark watching her go with a knowing look on his face.
--
- Hi! - she said while getting in the car. She was smiling, but it wasn't quite reaching her eyes, as she still had no idea what was going on.
- Hey there! - he said with a kind of manic smile, as he was more nervous he had ever been in a while, maybe his whole life. - I don't know anywhere to go at this hour, do you mind if we just go back to my place?
- Oh… uh… sure…? - What was he doing? Was this a booty call ?
The drive was silent, with just the radio playing softly, but, even though they were both so nervous, it was kind of comfortable. It was always comfortable with them.
- Do you want something to drink? - He asked when they entered his apartment.
- No, I'm good, thanks.
- So, - he started while heading to his couch, beckoning her to follow him - I couldn't stop thinking about our talk since we left the group...
She sat beside him, looking expectantly at him with those confused big eyes, silently willing him to go on.
- I don't know exactly what to say… - he let out a soft chuckle - words are usually my thing, but they get really difficult sometimes when you're involved.
- I have six years of Winger Speeches to prove otherwise. - she said, trying to lighten the mood.
- Yeah, I really wish I could Winger Speech my way out of this one - he was looking at the ground. She was as confused as when she got his text.
- What are you talking about? You still haven't said why you asked me here.
- I just couldn't let you go again without all the facts. - he said, finding her eyes to show her he was being honest - I still haven't told you everything, Annie.
- I'm not going anywhere, is just a summer. - she said, even though she knew what he meant.
- It may not be. And even if you come back, it won't be the same and you know it. - He picked up her hands in his and look straight into her eyes, - Annie, I have to do this now . - He was almost begging her, so she nodded. - Five years ago you said you were leaving. And when you didn't I was so happy that we ended up kissing.
- I started the kiss. - She reminded him
- I know, I remember it, trust me . - She looked at the floor and blushed slightly. He squeezed her hands to make her look at him again. - I guess you were always braver than me. But the thing is, I was so glad you weren't going anywhere, I kissed you back.
"Then, two years ago, I graduated and started failing at being a lawyer again. The more I failed, the more I pushed you guys away, but it was only when we met back at Greendale that I realized how miserable I was. Not only because my firm was bankrupted, but because I didn't have you anymore in my life. And I missed the whole group, even Pierce sometimes, but there was no one I missed the way I missed you .
"And lastly, a year ago. I thought I was losing all of you again . I got so desperate I got engaged to Britta , just so we would have a reason to stay together and not drift apart like last time. It was a stupid and self-destructive decision, and you saw right through it, but it was all I could come up with back then.
"But, when I was hooked up tho that robot-thingy, it wasn't her that ignited the blast of passion. It wasn't scotch, or Greendale... it was you."
He tried hard to keep looking at her, showing that he was willing to be vulnerable with her. But there is only so much a man can take, and he was getting more self-conscious by the second while she stared at him with her mouth agape.
- I'm sorry… what? - She finally broke the silence. Her eyes searching his face for an answer that made sense.
He kept quiet, not knowing how to answer her. He winced at the thought that maybe she didn't want to find any of this out.
- You do realize that I spent the last few years fighting down my feelings for you because every time I brought them up you made me feel like it was all in my head, right? - She said, looking unbelievably at him, and he nodded slowly. - And that at the beginning of the school year, after the whole Borchert’s lab situation, I asked you, again, and you denied it, again . - he flinched and nodded. She wasn't going to let him down easily. - And now what? Because I'm taking a summer internship across the country and you feel like I may not be coming back you have the right to dump all of this on me?
She sounded mad, but that didn't describe exactly what she was feeling. She was angry at him for shutting her down for so long if he felt the same way, she was sad that he looked so confused and vulnerable, but she was also happy. Happy that the guy she liked for so long had finally admitted to liking her back after so long. But that only made it more confusing for her.
- I'm so sorry, Annie! - He started - Everything I did was with the best intentions, I swear. I guess I felt that maybe hurting you a little back then would prevent hurting you a lot in the future…? I don't know, it made sense in my head at the moment. But the thing is, the more I fell for you, the more scared I got. And seeing you succeed so much, in Greendale of all places, made me realize that you have so much potential! Like, I truly believe you may be the first female president or whatever, and I would only hold you back! I can live with myself losing the love of my life, but I couldn't go on knowing I was keeping you back. - The last few words got out so fast that he didn't have time to overthink them. He looked into her eyes and saw the tears starting to form.
- Love of your life? - she said, almost in a whisper. He froze for a second, but there was no turning back now.
- Yeah. I love you. I have for a while now, I just hadn't had the guts to admit it until now, I guess.
She no longer could hold the tears back, so he cupped her face and wiped them with his thumb. She leaned in his hand, remembering how it felt earlier today. He loved her! After all this time, after everything they've been through, he finally admitted he loved her.
She started leaning in and he met her halfway. The kiss was slow and sweet as the one before, but it didn't have the same feeling of finality to it. She broke it and touched their foreheads together.
- I love you too. - She whispered. - You do realize that you kind of Winger Speeched your way out, right? - She said after a while, laughing a little.
He laughed and pulled her close, so her head rested on his chest. They still had a lot to discuss, but, for now, knowing they loved each other was enough.