Archive of Our Own

“I think we should go back now, Jun.”

Renjun sighs. This is the umpeeth time Yukhei has said that phrase to him. They haven’t even gotten off their neighborhood’s street and he was already complaining about it and Renjun has lost count at eight.

He gives Yukhei a glare and he is thankful that he’s the designated driver for today since he knows if the latter's the one to drive, they wouldn't even leave at all.

"I don't want them picking my teeth, please renjun," Yukhei says—whines as he looks at his best friend with wide eyes and a pout. 

"They're putting anaesthesia in you, Yukhei," he says, eyes focused on the road, they only have five minutes left till the appointment.

"But what if it doesn't work? That'll hurt like a bitch I don't want that!" Yukhei exclaims, crossing his arms. 

"It will work! They'll probably put some high dosage drug in you so you won't feel anything," Renjun says pointedly, "So shut your mouth now Yukhei or I'll tell them to not put anaesthesia on you."

Yukhei huffs but doesn't continue his tantrum and just sits back properly on his seat.

"Are you ready, Mr. Wong?" Doctor Song says, too enthusiastic for Yukhei to be relaxed.

Yukhei just nods and Renjun squeezes his hand. He had grabbed Yukhei's hand once they entered the clinic since he could feel the boy's nerves from a mile away. He gave Yukhei a small smile and a nod of reassurance.

"I'll be waiting for you here, it's okay. You can do this!" Renjun exclaims and raises his hand, the other while still holding Yukhei's hand, the other in a fist, "Fighting!"

This brings a soft smile to Yukhei then he ruffles Renjun's hair, "Thanks, Junnie." 

"Let's go?" the doctor asks, a gentle smile on her face this time. 

Yukhei nods his head once again and smiles at Renjun before following the doctor inside the operatory.

An hour has passed when the doctor walks out of the room and Renjun stands up to greet her.

"Mr. Huang, you can see him inside now. He's still very…" the doctor trails off, "High out of his mind, just a reminder." 

Renjun isn't surprised to know he's high but the look on the Doctor's face makes him want to feel things he shouldn't be feeling.

He walks in and sees a nurse tending to a stubborn Yukhei who refuses to… open his mouth wide.

"No!" the boy says and then giggles.

"C'mon, Yukhei just one more and then it's done," the nurse persuades.

Yukhei just purses his lips and shakes his head no.

The nurse looks up and sees Renjun standing in the doorway and sighs in relief, "Would you like to put the gauze inside your best friend's mouth, Mr. Huang?" 

Renjun hums and walks closer to the dental chair, "Okay, I'll try. How?"

The nurse gives Renjun the gauze and instructs him to just stuff it inside on both sides of Yukhei's jaw.

“Hey buddy, how are you? Let’s put this inside your mouth now, come one.” Renjun says gently.

Yukhei shakes his head and looks away, “No!”

“Yukhei,” Renjun says sternly.

Yukhei, still looking away, shakes his head again. 

"I won't buy you ice cream if you don't open your mouth and let me put the gauze in." 

Yukhei whips his head so fast and looks at Renjun with wide eyes, "No! Want ice cream!" 

He then proceeds to willingly open his mouth wide open.

"Good boy, Yukhei," Renjun says as he suppresses a laugh. His best friend looks cute with both his eyes and mouth wide open 

The doctor have suggested for them to stay for a while since Yukhei’s still drowsy and drugged. Renjun had wanted them to go home, he’s the one driving anyway, but the doctor insisted.

"Hey," Yukhei slurs as he looks at Renjun with droopy eyes. 

Renjun looks at him and tries his best not to physically coo at his best friend, "Yes?" 

"Hey! Who are you? You look like the boy I like," Yukhei says drowsily, a smile evident on his face. 

Renjun's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The boy he likes? As far as he’s aware, Yukhei doesn’t have anyone he likes at the moment. Maybe he's thought wrong all along. 

"Really? The boy you like?" Renjun asks, making sure Yukhei understands what he's trying to say. 

Yukhei enthusiastically nods his head, "Yeah! The boy I like!"

"You have a boy you like? Really? Do I perhaps know them?" Renjun asks carefully. 

"Yes, yes and no, I don’t know but you look like him. He's cute, you know, very! He's smaller than me which is good so he can fit in my arms!" he says enthusiastically—or as enthusiastically as his drugged self can—while he giggles while motioning his arms into a hugging position.

Renjun's eyes widened in surprise. Could it be? He shakes his head and continues talking to Yukhei instead. 

"That's cute. How did you two meet?" he asks. 

"We met in elementary! We're best friends!" Yukhei exclaims as Renjun's eyes seem to pop out from their sockets. Best friend since elementary? As far as he can remember, he and Yukhei have known each other since they first met in first grade and they have been inseparable since.

It was the first day of school, Renjun doesn't have his own friends yet, being a transfer from another country has its disadvantages sometimes too. Unlike other kids who like to mingle and play with other kids they deem nice to befriend, he stayed in the corner of his classroom in the back row. Renjun was a quiet kid, he didn't really have friends to play with back in China so he just stayed inside his room, either playing with his moomin plushie, drawing on his notebook or reading books his mother had given him. He was young but his parents have said that he was an intelligent kid.

It was break time and Renjun drew mindlessly on his notebook as he sat on one of the benches outside the playground when he felt a tap on his shoulder and when he looked up, he was faced by a boy his age, all big doe eyes, tan skinned and a boyish smile adorning his cute little face. 

"Hi!" The boy enthusiastically greeted with a wave of his hand. 

Renjun smiled timidly as he didn’t really have the guts to talk to other kids.

"Hello."

The boy's smile grew wider and his eyes were sparkling, "What's your name?" 

"Renjun," he answered quietly before continuing, "You?" 

"Renjun, nice to meet you! My name is Yukhei! " 

The boy —Yukhei— has an accent, Renjun can tell as he is well acquainted with both Korean and Chinese growing up in the north of China. 

"Nice to meet you too, Yukhei," he says. 

"What are you doing here alone?" 

Renjun shrugged, "I don't have friends." 

Yukhei’s brows furrowed, "Then I'll be your friend so we could be friends!" 

"Okay.”

Yukehi smiled widely as he cheerfully sat next to Renjun, complimenting the drawing of a butterfly he drew.

That was the moment the two became friends—best friends, Yukhei would correct most of the time—who hung out all the time. They always sat next to each other, in class, during breaks, and even when they're both waiting for their parents to come fetch them. Renjun didn't have any other friends other than him and it wasn't the same for Yukhei as he was a bright kid and easily made friends with the other kids but he never left Renjun alone even when the others were calling for him to play with them, he'd stay with him. He'd always stay and talk to Renjun instead and he'd always look so happy so Renjun was happy.

Yukhei’s eyes are droopy and his head occasionally lolls to the side as he tries to look at Renjun. He looks very adorable with gauze in his mouth making him look like his face is puffed up.

“He was very cute, always on a corner with his sketchbook and pencil,” Yukhei giggles with a fond look on his face as if remembering all the times he’s seen the boy he likes in that situation.

“He likes to draw, huh,” Renjun says, as a response or as a monologue for himself.

“Did you know that he gets picked on a lot when we were younger?” Yukhei says as his eyebrows squeeze together into a frown.

Renjun remembers all those times he got picked on by the bigger guys in school. He remembers getting called things he wasn’t. He remembers all the times Yukhei has stood up against all those bullies. Renjun doesn’t respond.

"You know, I think I fell in love with him when he tended my wounds after I punched those motherfuckers who were picking on him. Those pricks deserved it! My baby Junnie didn't deserve that. He deserves all the good things!"

Renjun's breath hitched. My baby Junnie. Yukhei is the only one who calls him Junnie, ever since they were little, the other boy has developed the habit of calling him the name and Renjun has grown into it. He also remembers that specific day he tended Yukhei’s wound after getting into a fight because of him. He remembers that day, clear as day. 

He was busily placing his books inside his locker when the door suddenly closed shut causing him to jump in surprise. Laughter came after and a harsh push on his shoulder. 

"Got scared, little shit?" a boy from his year said. He was almost a head taller than him, not bigger than most kids but definitely larger than Renjun. He was accompanied by three other boys who were also wearing their uniforms in every way the school book says the wrong way to wear.

Renjun was a small kid, almost always mistaken as a little girl. He was also very quiet but a good student with fairly high grades, almost always on the top three, if not always on the very top. He was also very quiet and scared shitless, he didn't stand a chance with these boys. 

But with faux confidence, he ignored the boy and opened his locker again to continue what he was supposed to be doing. This seemed to fuel the fire of anger inside the boy as he slammed the locker door shut again. 

"I'm talking to you," he said, harshly shoving Renjun away causing him to almost fall backward but before he felt the impact of a floor touching his bottom, a pair of arms wrapped around him prevented him from falling. He looked up and saw eyes he grew accustomed with ever since the first time they met, but now gone the soft and fond look in them, replaced with concern and anger instead.

"Are you okay?" Yukhei asked, worry and concern dripping in his voice. 

Renjun meekly nodded before the other boy looked away to eye the four boys in front of him who seemed to be both surprised and more provoked. 

"What's your problem?" Yukhei calmly asked but there were undertones similar to anger.

Before the boy could respond, Yukhei had stepped forward and threw a punch on his face causing the boy to crouch down in pain as he clutched his face in his hands. Renjun swore he heard a bone crack that moment.

"I ended up in the disciplinary office after that, with a bruised knuckle and high pride. I didn't really care if I got in trouble, they fucking started it. No one fuckung messes with my Junnie," Yukhei continues, face contorted in anger. It would've looked scary if he didn't have the gauze and swollen face but it just made him look like a kid deprived of their silly little toy. "Junnie waited for me outside the office that day. It was endearing."

Renjun did wait for Yukhei outside the disciplinary office that day as he felt bad and angry at his best friend for doing that which made him get into trouble.

When Yukhei finally went out, bruised knuckle and busted lip with him, he was met with a Renjun whose one eyebrow was raised, arms crossed in front of him, expecting. 

"I just got a warning," Yukhei said as if that explains everything Renjun was expecting. And it did as a slap met his arms.

"Why did you do that!" Renjun asked as he continued to slap his best friend. "What if they gave you more than a warning? Hm!" 

"Ow! Ow, ow! Can you-ow! Please stop slapping me?" Yukhei pleaded as he tried to dodge Renjun's harsh slapping. 

Renjun eventually stopped but not with a final slap on the back of the boy's head. Renjun just glared at Yukhei, he felt bad for putting more pain on his best friend but he thought he deserved it. 

"C'mon, let's go home!" Renjun shouted as he turned and walked away.

"Sit your ass down, giant," Renjun said as he pushed Yukhei down to sit on his bed once they arrived. He thought that Yukhei probably didn't have first aid in his room so he decided to just go straight to his house, in his own room where a full set of first aid resides in his medicine cabinet. Yukhei didn't complain one bit, just let him do what he wanted to do.

He placed the kit on his bedside table and pulled out cotton and alcohol to clean Yukhei's busted lip after a punch was hastily thrown at him out of shock and anger.

"Please don't do that again," Renjun gently said, eyebrows pulled together, eyes focused on cleaning the wound.

Yukhei frowned, "I won't if they don't stop picking on you," he said, a tone of finality in his voice.

Renjun just clicked his tongue as his frown went deeper. 

"They are not worthy of your warnings. What if this leads to your suspension, you idiot," he said, still cleaning the wound and unknowingly pressing too hard on the bruise causing Yukhei to hiss quietly.

Renjun sighed, gently putting ointment on the bruise, "Just please, don't do that again."

Yukhei won't look into his eyes so he patted his cheek to make him look at him, "Hey, Yukhei. Promise me. Please." 

Yukhei finally looked back at him and the frown on his face was gone, replaced with something akin to fondness. He nodded his head and mumbled a "promise" under his breath.

After that day, Yukhei made sure to teach him all the self-defense that he knew. It wasn't that he thought Renjun was a weak boy, he just wanted him to know techniques that might help him since Renjun refused to let him punch all the guys trying to pick on him. So he resorted to teaching him all that stuff which to Renjun's dismay, wasn't a lot. But it did help him be stronger so he was still thankful for that.

Yukhei is quiet for a while when the doctor comes back in to tell them that Renjun may drive both of them home now so Yukhei can rest at home.

"We're going home?" Yukhei asks, eyes sparkling at the thought of being able to go home.

Renjun gives him a smile as he nods his head, "Yes, we're going home." 

Yukhei's brows suddenly come together in a deep frown and a pout, "But—but Junnie will take me home!"

"I'll be here to take you home to Junnie, sweetie," Renjun says, the endearment naturally falling from his lips.

At the sound of taking him home to his Junnie, Yukhei perks up, his eyes wide and glimmering, "We're going home to my Junnie?" 

Renjun's smile never wavers as he nods his head in agreement.

And just like that, Yukhei grins as far as his swollen face can get and nods his head enthusiastically, clapping like a kid given their favorite candy. Renjun thinks it's endearing and very much like Yukhei.

The doctor tells Renjun everything he needs to know, from how to handle wisdom teeth post-op effects and what should be done to how to handle someone who's high on anaesthesia.

Renjun has successfully put him on the passenger seat without much of a struggle—thank god, a thrashing Yukhei wasn’t an ideal scene. 

He still gazes at Renjun sleepily, with his eyelids trying to shut for god knows how long which Yukhei is visibly trying to fight as he tries to continue his conversation with Renjun. 

"Oh this one is fun!" he exclaims as he grins wider—or how wide his gauze filled mouth and swollen face can offer—and he raises his hand, for no apparent reason.

"I remember asking him if he got anyone to take to the dance and he said nah I won't go and when I asked him why, he answered with I'll just go watch movies in my room. Then I said I won't go either and we could hang out that day even though I really wanted to ask him to that dance but I just went with his ideas," he continues, trying very hard to tell it straight. 

Renjun remembers that moment with all his heart. How could he forget the moment he realized his feelings for his best friend weren't so platonic after all.

Renjun and Yukhei were seated in their school garden at the back. It was their usual spot either after school or during breaks. Renjun loved the daisies and cornflowers growing there, so there, with Yukhei, he found peace and solemnity on the bottom of the ocean that is school and stress.

"The dance is coming up, it's like two weeks from now," Yukhei said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. 

"Yeah, they've been busy decorating everything," Renjun said without looking up from his sketchbook

Yukhei hummed and went silent for about two minutes when Renjun felt his heart slightly shatter.

"Do you have someone to go with?" Yukhei hesitantly asked.

Renjun looked up and saw Yukhei fiddling with the strings of his hoodie, he looked nervous and Renjun wasn't sure why. He was also surprised by the question, he had been wishing to avoid it, he didn't want to know the story of how Yukhei would bring another person to the dance. 

"No, I'll stay in my room and watch movies," he settled to say and went back to sketching.

"What?" Yukhei asked, shock evident in his voice, "Why?"

Renjun shrugged, "Nothing to do, too many people. I'd rather be inside my room and watch reruns of shitty shows." Or maybe I just don't want to be hurt.

"Oh, okay. Well, then I'll come over to your house. I won't go either," Yukhei casually said, causing Renjun's eyes to go wide.

"What? What do you mean you won't go? What about your date?" 

As far as he knows, Yukhei already had someone to take to the dance (hendery was it?), that's why he didn't have the mental energy to go. He didn't want to spend his night sulking over the fact that Yukhei has a date that is not him and he didn't want to spend the night getting Yukhei's attention because of him sulking. He knew that the moment Yukhei sees him looking sad and not having fun, he will worry so much and he will drop everything he's doing—even his supposed date—to stay beside Renjun and comfort him and look out for him. And Renjun didn't want that. He didn't want to ruin someone's date. Especially if that'd make his best friend happy. 

"Date?" Yukhei asked, eyebrows tightly drawn together as confusion clouds his face, "I don't have a date. I didn't or will not ask anyone." 

"Wait, really?" This time, it was Renjun's time to show his confusion but still tried to make it seem as if he's unhappy about the revelation. 

"Yeah," Yukhei nonchalantly replied as he shrugged, "Anyway, I'll come over to your house and we'll watch together. Movies are fun."

Yukhei turned to Renjun and he saw his eyes sparkle, making him surprised and his heart beat faster. He had seen Yukhei's eyes sparkle before. Those eyes that are full of wonder. The boy seems to see everything around him fascinating, something worth his curious mind. As if everything that surrounds him is something to be cherished. But never once Renjun have seen those eyes directed at him—or maybe he have never seen them directed at him as he's been busy being unaware of his feelings for Yukhei—or at least now that he was well aware of his not-so-platonic feelings for his best friend, he saw the way he eyes every little thing (including him, quite literally). But he was pretty sure, very much sure those eyes were always around him and not directly on him hence to see those eyes on him was astounding.

Renjun's heart was about to explode; he could feel it. He slowly nodded his head as he tried to properly comprehend what the other boy said. He suddenly felt dizzy.

"Okay," Renjun started, "But I get to pick the movie." 

Yukhei pursed his lips as he tried to conceal his laughter, "You always get to pick the movie."

Renjun kicked him from where he was seated on the bench. Yukhei laughed out loud while clutching his left arm. 

"It's what I call pretty privileges," Renjun snarked but he was smiling and Yukhei was grinning. It was perfect.

"We did end up binge-watching Disney princess movies the day of the dance! We also did get to cuddle, it was a fun time," Yukhei says as he giggles high and loudly.

Renjun looks at him and feels a lot of things at once. He didn't expect a shot of anaesthesia would make the boy talk his heart out.

Yukhei abruptly stops giggling and suddenly frowns—Renjun's fighting the urge to squish those swollen cheeks—and raises a fist.

"I remember getting jealous of this friend we have, Donghyuck, so much," he says, his eyebrows going deeper as he said the word so, "He was a menace in my life. Always together with my Junnie and Junnie didn't have time with me anymore."

He's pouting as he frowns, making him look like a frustrated squirrel, "My Junnie didn't have time for me."

Renjun would've found it cute and adorable if it weren't for the memories flooding in his mind.

It was the night, not too early to be home but not too late not to be. Renjun and Donghyuck were hanging out, talking about nothing and everything which is almost always just Donghyuck talking and ranting about his crush, Mark Lee from his Ancient History class. 

"So I was really struggling to write all the notes since Mr. Kim was turning the fucking slides so fast and I think Mark noticed that because he tapped me and asked if I needed some notes and," Donghyuck paused and lets out a not-too-loud squeal, "And oh my god he was so hot, I swear I could've fainted right there."

Renjun just rolled his eyes and groaned, "When is he not hot to you?" 

"Hey!" Donghyuck pushed Renjun causing him to stumble backwards, "It's not my fault he's always hot. You always find Yukhei hot too, don't act innocent." 

It was Renjun's turn to push Donghyuck as a red hue made its way on his neck then to his face then to his ears.

"No, I don't!" 

"You literally just told me he's so hot when he's walking around your dorm shirtless," Donghyuck deadpanned, which Renjun only glared at. 

Donghyuck was not wrong per se. Yukhei did like to walk around their dorm without his shirt on which almost always makes Renjun want to just disappear because he can't be feeling hot and shy when he sees Yukhei's abs. That was another thing about seeing him shirtless. The man was ripped. It made sense that he took advantage of not wearing any top. He didn't wake up at 6am just to take his morning gym for him to wear anything that would cover his chocolate abs. Renjun respects him for that, he can do whatever he wants in the dorm. It was theirs anyway. But that doesn't mean he wasn't going to die inside every time he sees them especially in the morning when both of them just woke up, Renjun drinking his lemon water and Yukhei walking to the kitchen with nothing but his sweat pants and bed head still on the cusp of sleeping and waking up. Then suddenly Renjun didn't need anything to drink to wake him up since he felt like the sight of a perfectly fit Yukhei could suffice him.

"I didn't say that," Renjun said, trying to defend himself.

"Whatever you say, lover boy."

It was silent for a while until a familiar ring tone broke the silence between them.

"Hm, seems like Hot Body's calling," Donghyuck said, wiggling his eyebrows at Renjun.

Renjun glared at him and shushed him. He took out his phone and picked up the call. He pressed the speaker button, inhaling a deep breath. 

"Yukhei," Renjun said in greeting.

He didn't need to see the ID caller to know who called–he had a different ringtone for Yukhei which Donghyuck always teased him about. 

"Junnie, where are you?" Yukhei responded in Chinese. 

Renjun paused and realized he was using their mother tongue. That only means… He was angry. Yukhei didn't usually speak Chinese in their daily conversations. It was almost always Korean since they have been used to speaking it. Only on rare occasions did he use Chinese and those were when he's mad in general and he's mad at someone and doesn't want them to understand what he's ranting about. In that case, Renjun wasn't sure what. 

Renjun looked at Donghyuck who was already looking at him with wide amused eyes.

"Dude, he spoke Chinese," Donghyuck whispered, not wanting Yukhei to hear. 

Renjun didn't respond and turned his attention back on the call, "I'm with Donghyuck, why?"

"It's late."

"It's only 10pm, is that late?" Renjun responded, still using Chinese. He looked at Donghyuck and shrugged his shoulders when the younger gestures as to what Yukhei was saying. 

"It's dangerous to be out this late especially if you just come in two. Come home, already."

For some reason Renjun couldn't find it in him to be pissed that Yukhei was pissed. His heart and mind were cruel.

"I'm with Donghyuck. That's enough to not be dangerous," Renjun replied, finally switching back to using Korean. 

"You shouldn't be out this late, especially if I'm not with you. What if you get mugged? Please come home now," Yukhei said, using Korean as well.

Instead of getting mad and confused as to why Yukhei was saying that, Donghyuck's eyes only widened as a small long squeal left his loud mouth. Renjun shushed him, afraid that his best friend was going to think they were really getting mugged.

Renjun couldn't do anything. He didn't know how to say no to Yukhei. He was too whipped to deny him anything he wanted. Renjun was down bad, Donghyuck found it funny. He could only sigh.

"Okay, I'll be home before 11pm, I swear." 

"Okay. That's good to hear. Be safe, Jun. I'll hang up now," Yukhei said before ending the call. 

Before Renjun could register what just happened, Donghyuck was already shaking him as he held him by his shoulders.

"What the fuck was that!" Donghyuck squealed, still shaking Renjun so aggressively. 

"It was a call," Renjun answered nonchalantly—or well, at least as nonchalantly as he could with his heart pounding against his chest.

Donghyuck pushed him again as the boy glared, "I know it was a call dumbass, but what was that? You have a curfew now?"

Renjun just shrugged. He didn't know what that was about either. Yukhei didn't usually mind if he came home late at night so it was a surprise for him too when he heard Yukhei's words.

"He's jealous," Donghyuck said calmly or as-a-matter-of-factly.

Renjun's head whipped to look at Donghyuck so fast he probably had a slight neck injury, his eyes wide and eyebrows furrowed. 

"What?!"

"He's jealous! That's why he wants you to be home early!" Donghyuck answered.

"How is that being jealous?"

"You're hanging out with me again, idiot. You know how the dude's around me. He wants you to come home early because he will know you're not with me anymore," Donghyuck explained with a smirk on his face. It makes Renjun's gut reel in embarrassment.

"I don't think that's right," Renjun said, eyebrows still furrowed and a pout visible on his face as he busied himself with fiddling his fingers. 

"Dude he literally speaks Chinese to you when he doesn't want other people to know what he's talking about," Donghyuck deadpanned, as if trying to point out the point.

Renjun didn't respond. He knew that—Yukhei using Chinese to either shit on someone without them knowing or when he's mad in general. But maybe Yukhei just didn't really want Donghyuck to know what he was talking about. Maybe he was just a little angry since it was late at night and Renjun was still outside, hanging out with a friend or maybe he was just in the mood to talk in their mother tongue. He didn't want to assume, he didn't want to get his hopes up, he didn't want to further hurt himself.

Donghyuck sighed as if he knew what was running inside his head and held his hand in a comforting way.

"Hey, he's worried for you. That means something. It's okay to have hope, it's normal and I think it's fairly okay to have it," Donghyuck said as he looked at Renjun with comfort in his eyes. He knew Renjun had been thinking and moping about his feelings with Yukhei and Renjun was grateful for it.

"Maybe you're right. I," Renjun started, "I think that's enough for me. At least I know he cares for me, or at least that's what I think." 

"He cares for you, Renjun. Okay? Okay!" Donghyuck exclaimed and grinned at him which never failed to give Renjun some sense of familiarity and happiness.

Renjun grinned back at his friend and nodded his head. He just needed to know that Yukhei cared for him and he was thankful that Donghyuck was there to convince him with it.

"Now c'mon. Let's go home before Yukhei goes totally apeshit if you're not home by eleven," Donghyuck said with a teasing and knowing smile on his face and grabbed Renjun's hand to stand up from where they were seated. 

Renjun just rolled his eyes and let the younger one drag him home with a small smile on his face. He was always glad he had Donghyuck, he didn't know what he would do in his life if it weren't for the boy, he'll forever be thankful.

Silence filled the car with Yukhei staring at nothing, eyes glazed and unfocused. He looks out of it—if Renjun didn't know it was the anaesthesia after effects running around his system, he'd definitely be very concerned right at the moment—but then his body jerks up, suddenly lighting up as if a brilliant idea had entered his mind.

"Oh, oh, oh!" Yukhei exclaims, "I remember that time we went on a road trip to see the city lights and the stars. My Junnie was so beautiful I swear I tried to say I love him but I was a scaredy cat and just continued to admire his soft glowing face," he finishes with a pout on his face.

A flash of a calm night inside a car with Yukhei driving and soft music playing in the background crosses the threshold of Renjun's mind. He remembers that day well, very well.

Renjun feels a lot of things at once, well, mostly hopeful. He’s not sure of what but he knows he feels hopeful.

That was the day Renjun felt his nerves clawing on his insides, but felt as if all the stars were aligning up. They were on their way to the north of Seoul to see the stars. Yukhei was in awe the moment they arrived and Renjun couldn't blame him, everything was beautiful as thousands of stars visibly shined above them, twinkling and glimmering in the vast space of the dark sky. 

They were seated on the back of Yukhei's truck, soft blankets and food that Yukhei himself had prepared spread beside them. It was a perfect scene, something Renjun didn't expect to happen to him.

The night was calm, the stars were sparkling but Yukhei's eyes seemed to be sparkling more than the stars they were gazing at. The boy had said before that he loved looking at the stars in the night sky and Renjun thinks he didn't know that the stars were in his eyes. His eyes that held the universe like how his hands held Renjun's heart.

Renjun removed his hand clutched to his chest, as if hurt and overwhelmed by the celestial bodies above him and especially by the man beside him.

"You know, I've always liked looking at the stars. How they just spread across the wide sky and how they just shine brighter when dark comes around," Yukhei said, breaking the silence they were in, eyes fixed at the sky.

"I thank the sun for leaving for a moment to let his fellow stars shine bright like what he does when it's his time to shine," he added, finally looking at Renjun. 

Renjun just smiled and nodded, agreeing to whatever Yukhei's mouth was sputtering. Renjun was in awe too. By the stars sure but especially the way Yukhei's eyes sparkled like all the celestial beings before them and the way Renjun's heart fluttered as the boy went on and on about different things at once. It was normal. That was their normal—Yukhei chattering whatever comes to his mind and Renjun just listens and nods, sometimes wondering where he gets the idea. But he never complained, he liked that—listening to Yukhei talk about almost everything, just hearing his voice, looking at him so fondly as he just continued to tell stories and facts he loves to share. He liked being with Yukhei—his best friend, his soft pillow, his warm choco on a winter day, his safe space, his soulmate. He looked so beautiful, even in the dark where the only light they have is the moonlight and the stars above them. He looked ethereal, more than the heavenly bodies they were looking at.

"Thank you," Yukhei suddenly said, turning his head and looking at Renjun.

Renjun looked at him and their eyes met, "For what?"

Yukhei's eyes were intense but soft at the same time. He was smiling but his eyes were unreadable.

 "For everything."

Renjun's breath hitched and he felt fire rapidly wrapping his heart. His heart burned with the fire strangely named Yukhei. His heart burned with love for the boy beside him—with all his being, from his kind eyes and even kinder heart—and he let the fire spread fast, like wildfire in a rainforest. Burning and heating up each and every corner of his heart. Yukhei was looking at him with gentle eyes, comforting and loving and Renjun has never felt so much love before and he wishes it was love that he ever so dearly wished to have. He thought there's nothing to lose if he hoped. 

"What do you mean by that?" Renjun asked, unconsciously tilting his head sideways.

"Everything. Thank you for everything that you've done for me and thank you for being my best friend," Yukhei explained with a shy smile on his face, his eyes still shining.

Renjun's heart stuttered. Yukhei had been his best friend since forever and that was it. Yukhei had always been and will always be his best friend—just a best friend. Suddenly all the stars weren't aligning, it was a feeling—a wrong one, or perhaps it was the universe saying it wasn't the right choice. Maybe out there somewhere unknown to him or somewhere dear to his heart, something happened that changed the trajectory of his life, he didn't know what that was, the only thing he was sure of is he was Yukhei's best friend and that was the end of it.

"Thank you as well, Yukhei. For everything," he replied, a small smile on his face or at least he thought it was a smile.

Yukhei just smiled at him, eyes still unreadable, hesitant but before Renjun could read all those meanings behind them, he tore them away from him and back at the shining sky.

Yukhei takes a deep breath and lets out a bigger one.

"When are we arriving home," he says, drawling the last word.

Renjun chuckles at his best friend's antics, "We’re here, you giant baby. Now come one, let’s get you inside the house.”

At the mention of home, Yukhei beams and excitedly sits up and tries to remove the seat belt around his body. Keyword is try. He tries to remove it but to no avail, he still can’t figure out how to do it. Renjun laughs at him and finally— finally— helps to unbuckle the belt for it to be out of Yukhei’s way which he cheers for in glee and Renjun is endeared—like he’s always been.

“Come one, Yukhei. Step out of the car,” Renjun says as he holds Yukhei’s hand in his once he gets to open the door on the boy’s side of the car.

Yukhei carefully puts his feet on the ground and stands up. Renjun is quite surprised it’s not too laborious to carry some of Yukhei’s weight on him.

“Hey, did you know my favorite time was when we got our cat Leon,” Yukhei says as a grin replaces his previously pensive one—as if getting out of the car was a strain on his body.

“I’m his Baba and Renjun is his Appa,” Yukhei says, giggling at his own words.

Renjun smiles at the memory. It’s a memory he holds in his heart the most.

Renjun was greeted by a grinning Yukhei and a big box beside him the moment he got home and went to the kitchen.

It wasn’t an unusual sight to see Yukhei in the kitchen, the man can cook but usually it was just for Renjun, but it was an unusual sight to see him grinning and being cryptic about the big box beside him.

Renjun frowned, “What are you doing?”

Yukhei’s smile didn’t falter and instead of answering him properly, he gestured Renjun forward to cme close.

Renjun’s eyebrows deepend in frown, “Yukhei, I swear to god if that’s something scary, I won’t hesitate to stab you with a kitchen knife.”

And there was a sound inside the box.

Renjun stopped on his tracks as his eyes widened in surprise, looking between Yukhei and the big box beside him. Yukhei’s smile grew wider and continued to gesture for Renjun to come closer.

Meow~

And there it was again, a very distinct mewl coming from inside the box—Renjun was sure of that.

“Yukhei, you did not.”

Yukhei grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, “Oh, but I did.”

Renjun gasped as another meow came and another. He rushed and came closer to the box and he nearly screamed the moment he saw a small brown kitten that probably fit on Yukhei’s entire one hand.

“Hey there little buddy, how are you?” Renjun said, cooing at the little kitten as it mewled as a response.

“Where did you get him, Yukhei?” He asked without even tearing his eyes away from the little bundle of joy on his hands.

“From the pet house near the university. My friend, Hendery, who was in charge of the pets, was looking for someone to take him since he didn’t want the poor guy to be stuck there,” Yukhei explained as he crouched down beside Renjun and caressed the kitten’s little head.

Renjun nodded and looked at Yukhei, eyes gleaming with hope, “Is this baby gonna stay here?”

“Only if you allow it too,” Yukhei said and smiled softly.

Renjun’s eyes widened and eagerly nodded his head in excitement, “Yes! Yes, I want this kitten to say!”

Yukhei giggled and nodded his head as well, “Then we’ll have him stay here.”

Renjun carefully placed the kitten down inside the box and practically flung himself on Yukhei and tightly wrapped his arms around him as he screamed in joy. With Yukhei’s surprise, he toppled on the ground but thankfully got to wrap his arms around Renjun as well and then they were sitting on the floor of their kitchen.

“Thank you! Thank you, Yukhei!”

Yukhei only chuckled and patted Renjun’s back, “I knew you wanted a cat and Hendery was looking for someone to adopt the cat. It was perfect timing, this was destined.”

Renjun giggled as he let go of the hug, “Then, I’m thankful for you and Hendery’s timing.”

“Do you have a name for him?” Renjun asked, holding the kitten close to his chest.

Yukhei hummed as if for a thought, “Cookie?”

“Cookie,” Renjun repeated as he looked at the cat, inspecting and then shook his head, “No, he’s not a Cookie. Something else.”

“Skith?”

Renjun made a face and shook his head.

“Louis?”

Renjun hummed and raised his eyebrows but quickly made a face and shook his head once again, “He doesn’t look like a Louis to me.”

Yukhei suddenly clicked his fingers as a bright expression replaced his confused one, “Leon!”

Renjun pondered for a moment and looked at the kitten before a soft smile took place on his face.

“Welcome home, Leon.”

The two are greeted by a big cat, probably bigger than Renjun’s foot, on the living room couch, not even flinching even when Yukhei accidentally kicks the couch.

“Leon, baby can you get out of the way for a while, your Baba needs the whole couch,” Renjun says as he carries the cat, still not caring even if he’s being moved from one place to another. He places the cat on the smaller couch and the big boy mewls as a response. “Good boy.”

“Now, Yukhei. Please sit down for a while and do not move around, do you get that?” Renjun asks as he assists Yukhei to settle down on the couch.

Yukhei sits down obediently and Renjun thanks all the deities present in his time for the patience and obedience they have bestowed upon his anaesthesia-induced-best friend.

Yukhei looks up at him—this is one of the only times Renjun’s towering over him—with pleading eyes and his mouth curved downward.

Renjun widens his eyes and furrows his eyebrows in confusion, “What is it, Yukhei?”

The boy’s mouth seems to go downward more and his eyes more pleading, “Ice cream,” he finally says drawling the words out.

Renjun sighs in relief and laughs at his best friend’s behaviour, “Okay, okay. I’ll get it from the freezer so wait for a while.”

Yukhei nods his head enthusiastically though his eyes seem to be much droopy than before.

When Renjun comes back from their kitchen, he sees Yukhei sprawled on the couch, eyes closed and breathing even with Leon on top of his chest who seemed to have settled there once he saw Yukhei soundly asleep.

Renjun approaches the couch and smiles at the look of his best friend who still has the gauze inside his mouth making him look so squishy—Renjun wants to squish him but he resists. Bringing a hand over Yukhei’s forehead to brush some strands away, Renjun’s heart aches for the boy he’s been in love with even before he knew what love is.

Ever since Yukhei came barging in Renjun’s life, he’s always thought that was the best event that happened in his life. Yukhei was his constant—a constant friend, classmate, study buddy, partner in crime, a constant soulmate across different universes, he believes, best friend, a constant feeling in a way he seems to reside in Renjun’s vulnerable heart. A constant someone who has always been there to hold Renjun in his arms and give solace to him when the world becomes too cold and too cruel for him to grasp. He was always there when Renjun felt as if he was up in the world, conquering the bravest of seas and the strongest of waves, he was there to witness the victories Renjun has accomplished in his journey of a life. He was there to celebrate with him and tell him all the good things one could ever give to someone. And with all of that, Renjun is grateful and will forever be as long as he lives.

Leon jumps off of Yukhei once he felt his Baba stir in his sleep. Renjun watches his best friend as he yawns and stretches out his limbs and once content, he sits up from the couch, eyes still slightly dazed from sleep.

“Hey, baby giant. How are you feeling?” Renjun asks, a small smile on his face.

Yukhei looks at him, somewhat startled at his presence but nonetheless smiles ”Hey there. I’m fine, kinda dazed but thankful now that the wisdom teeth pulling out is done.”

Renjun laughs and nods his head, he’s quite endeared if he was to be asked.

“Let’s take off the gauze in your mouth so you can finally eat your ice cream,” Renjun suggests, to which Yukhei responds with an eager nod.

Once the gauze was out, ice cream inside his mouth, sitting comfortably on the couch, Renjun asks a question.

“So,” Renjun drawls as a smirk slowly comes up to his face and Yukhei raises his brows, still busy eating his ice cream, ”I look like the boy you like?”

Renjun guffaws when Yukhei chokes on his ice cream and his face becomes red as a tomato.

“W-what?” Yukhei asks in between his coughs, “What?!"

“Oh you know, the boy you like, the cute one,” Renjun says with a playful smirk on his face, faux confidence on display but the red hue on the tip of his ears betrays him.

“I- I said that?” Yukhei stutters, eyes wide in horror and Renjun is trying hard not to laugh.

Renjun nods and hums, “Yeah. You even said he's smaller than you which is good so he can fit in your arms,” he says, motioning his arms in a hugging motion like how Yukhei did before in the dentist’s office.

Yukhei whines and puts down the bowl of ice cream he was eating, grabs a pillow, buries his face on it and screams.

“This is so embarrassing. This is why I didn’t want to have that anaesthesia shot," Yukhei says after a while, "What else did I say?"

"You said you met him in elementary and he's your best friend, he draws, he gets picked on a lot…" Renjun trails off, "And that your baby Junnie didn't deserve all that…"

Renjun finishes his sentence with his face redder and hotter than before, eyes looking everywhere but Yukhei.

Yukhei groans and plops down on the couch once again, hugging the pillow close to his chest.

"Do you– Do you wanna talk about that?" Yukhei hesitates, chewing on his lips—a habit he has whenever his nerves are up—as he looks at Renjun with hesitant eyes.

Renjun slowly nods his head and finally looks at his best friend—he feels as if his heart is about to blow into pieces, "If you want to, then yes. Yes, we can."

Yukhei visibly tightens his hold on the pillow as he heaves a heavy sigh, "Okay. You can start asking if you want."

Renjun hesitates for a while, racking his brain up on how to ask all the hanging questions inside his brain, "Is that all true?" he settles on saying.

Yukhei only nods his head as a response and that was enough to spike Renjun's heart pace up to the highest setting possible.

"Since when? For real this time," Renjun asks, getting the slight courage of finally knowing things.

"You tended my wounds after I got punched in the face," Yukhei says, "I realized I didn’t want you to get hurt and I was ready to fight everyone because I was in love with you. I still am."

Renjun's breath hitches and becomes awfully aware that this is real, Yukhei isn't high on any drugs. This is Yukhei, sober, right in his mind and pouring his heart out.

"Look, I don't want to ruin this friends—"

Yukhei doesn't get to finish his sentence as the air in his lungs got punched out from him by Renjun who flung himself on top of him, thank god Yukhei was already on the couch and didn't have to worry about toppling on the ground.

Renjun tightens his arms around the boy, buries his face on the crook of his neck and Renjun is reminded of all the times he had hugged Yukhei out of pure joy and affection.

Yukhei puts his arms on Renjun's back and hugs him tighter, "Renjun?"

Renjun lifts his head up and looks at Yukhei straight in the eyes, "Yukhei."

"Renjun. Aren't you gonna say anything?" Yukhei asks, still chewing on his lips, a worried look on his face.

Renjun laughs and rests his forehead on Yukhei's, "Do I have to?"

And before Yukhei can respond, Renjun pushes his face forward for his lips to meet Yukhei's soft ones. Renjun doesn't see fireworks and colorful lights dancing around behind his eyes, instead he sees warmth, a safe haven, in front of a fireplace with the winter snow falling outside the window with him drinking a warm cup of chocolate that Yukhei has willingly made for him. Renjun doesn't see flashing lights and flashy moments, instead he sees home.

Renjun breaks the kiss and rests his forehead on Yukhei once again. They stare into each other's eyes, basking in the warmth each of them exudes before the bubble of laughter comes running up Renjun's chest and he's laughing and then Yukhei follows after.

"That was," Renjun starts after the laughter ceases in him, "That was something."

"It was. What was that?" Yukhei asks, still hesitant but his eyes gleam with hope.

Renjun rolls his eyes as a smile creeps on his face, "You know what that was, dummy." 

Yukhei chuckles and tightens his hold on him, "I just… I just want to make sure."

Renjun softens his eyes as he sees the worry in Yukhei's eyes and does him a favor that replaces worry with glee in the boy's eyes.

"I like you too, you giant baby. I realized that when you asked if I got a date for prom," Renjun says shyly but still looking at Yukhei in the eyes. 

Yukhei's eyes shine and Renjun sees all the stars shimmering in them. Yukhei hugs him tighter and with love in his heart, Renjun does the same.

Renjun feels as if all the stars have finally aligned, granting him the wish of a love akin to the ones he has read in books about eternal love and the movies about pure love he has watched with Yukhei on nights they deemed acceptable to steam out the stress from inside them. Renjun feels as if everything's finally in place after a long time waiting and hoping it would be complete. Renjun feels he's finally home, here in Yukhei's arms, safe and warm and loved.