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There’s never a good time to talk about these things, Tali thinks. This is her...fifth...drink? Something close to that. Shepard takes the glass and the…oh what did he call it? The straw? There’s no word in Khelish for it, hence the ad lib. She blinks through the fog of brandy and looks at him.
“I don’t...understand.”
“There was a news article posted to my terminal. I wasn’t sure if anyone back home had told you…”
Tali shakes her head. “Communications are minimal. Trying to stay...focused. I think.”
Shepard’s expression is pained. Tali feels a little well of shame in her gut. He’d been in here teasing her twenty minutes ago, and now he’s back, with that look. That Commander look, James calls it. Her thoughts wander — she likes James, he seems fun and friendly and Tali hasn’t felt that way about a lot of humans on Shepard’s missions —
“Tali. Kal’Reegar’s squad was on Palaven protecting a communications tower from Reaper forces.”
“Kal…”
Shepard looks down. Keelah, but he looks old. She knows he isn’t, but for a moment his body seems ancient and unknowable. She had, once, nursed the sort of affection for him that could not be managed by friendship alone. Time passed. The feelings came and went. She feels the dregs of something in her rise up and she touches his hand.
“Shepard.”
He breathes. “They didn’t make it, Tali. They sacrificed themselves to hold the tower.”
...Oh.
Such a nice way to tell her this. Such a gentle way of saying, he’s fucking dead, Tali.
She flinches. Shepard looks at her. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t...don’t be. Wasn’t your fault.” Kal was never going to make it out of this alive, she wants to say, but Shepard doesn’t know the history of the Reegar clan like Tali does. The stories and tall tales, most based on truth. Kal never talked about it, what he was, where he came from.
Tali swallows. She’s parched, now. She needs water. She needs air.
“I’m sorry, I know you’re having a hard time, I just didn’t want to wait—”
“No, I understand. Time gets away from us.”
Shepard huffs. “Yeah,” he mutters. “It sure fuckin’ does.” He moves around the bar and heads toward the door.
“Shepard—” Tali turns, nearly tumbling off the barstool. He reaches out and steadies her.
“What is it?”
She looks at him. “The tower,” she says. “Did it hold?”
Shepard’s grip on her shoulder tightens before he lets go. He nods. “Yeah. It did.”
Tali sighs. It’d be worth it to him, then, she wants to say. Instead:
“Can you go? I want to have one more drink. Alone.”
“Of course,” he says. She blinks and he goes through the door. It locks behind him.
It’s...late. Must be. The lights in the med bay are out, and the crew is absent from the mess. Tali is amazed that she manages to get from the lounge to the battery without falling over. The door slides open, but Garrus isn’t standing at the console, and she realizes he might be asleep and keelah isn’t that just perfect, isn’t that just —
“Tali?”
She looks up. Garrus is out of his armor, though it must be close. It’s always close. She feels guilty, now.
“You’re sleeping,” she says.
“I was trying to. Wasn’t working.” He runs a hand over the crest of his hand and frowns. “...Are you drunk?”
“I’m. No. Not very.”
“Spirits, Tali.” He moves toward her and guides her inside. “Here.” He helps her get to the chair at his workbench. “Have you had water?”
“I’m fine,” she says. “I didn’t even know you slept.” She looks at his little cot at the end of the battery. “Looks uncomfortable.”
Garrus laughs. “It’s a four star hotel on the Citadel compared to the barracks back home.” He leans against the console. “What’s got you worked up?”
Tali makes a noise. “I already talked about this. With Shepard.”
“...I see.”
“Miranda,” she says, “and her father. It’s stupid. It’s a stupid feeling.”
“I’m sure it’s not.”
Tali scowls. He can’t see it, but that’s not the point. “It’s not even the worst of it.”
Garrus tips his head to the side. Keelah but he’s handsome. Why did it take her so long to see it? Why didn’t she want to?
“You don’t have to talk about it,” he says gently. “Why don’t we find you somewhere to rest—”
“Kal’Reegar is dead,” she says. Garrus goes very still. “He died on Palaven. Protecting...protecting some comm tower.” She’d looked up the article on the extranet. Kal’s last known words. “Your primarch was grateful.”
“Tali…” She looks at him. He’s moved from the console and is kneeling in front of her. “I’m so sorry.”
“Bosh’tet,” she mutters. “He wouldn’t...he’d be disappointed if it’d happened some other way. I guess. It’s...the Reegars were all like that.” She wraps her arms around herself, maybe as a comfort, maybe to avoid Garrus doing it for her. “I think he was the last.”
Garrus puts his hands on her anyway, gently, at the bend of her elbow. Such a soft touch, all things considered. “I’d say you deserved that brandy.”
“Triple filtered,” she murmurs.
Garrus nods. “Wish you’d told me we were drinking to our fathers’ good memories,” he says quietly, “I’d have joined you.”
“At least yours is alive,” she says, harsher than she means.
Garrus’s touch falters. “I...yes. I suppose you’re right.” His hands fall away and he stands. “What about Reegar’s family?” he asks. “Anyone on the flo — on Rannoch who might not know?”
“I’m sure they’ve been told.” She worries her lip. “Garrus, that isn’t what I meant—”
“It’s fine,” he says. “You’re not wrong. I should be more grateful. My father managed to get off Palaven in one piece. If I didn’t trust the spirits before…”
Tali nods. “I don’t know much about turian religion.”
“Neither do I, frankly. My mother knew more.” He fiddles with a few things on the battery console and looks at her. “Don’t feel bad,” he says. “I should remember what I have.”
“Good advice for us all.” She glances around the battery. He’s made a proper mess of it, but it seems to be toward some purpose. One of his rifles is on the workbench behind her, and there’s a map of turian theaters of war across the way. A flashing light tells her he has a message waiting for him. “Who called?”
Garrus glances over. “Probably Adrien,” he mutters. “I’m not in the mood. I already gave him my advice a few days ago, he just wants to keep discussing lines of succession with me. Hoping he’ll get his head blasted off probably, so I can deal with this mess.”
Tali blinks. “Are you...in line for the Primarchy?”
Garrus pulls a face. “Only technically.”
“Only technically, what does that mean?”
“The hierarchy’s in shambles right now. We have Primarchs in different sectors scrambling to maintain control of the people beneath them. It’s a waste of time, when the dawn breaks on the end of this war none of it will matter anyway. Mother always said it’d take a galaxy on fire to unseal the temple…”
Tali has no idea what he means, and she’s in that uncomfortable stage between drunk and sober. Garrus looks tense now, and she blames herself. Carefully, she pushes herself out of the chair and closes the distance. They’ve been flirting for weeks, dancing around the notion of a thing called them. Us. She touches his hand, slipping her fingers between his.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’d be a very good Primarch.”
Garrus glances down at their hands, then at her. “...Thank you.”
Tali leans against him, and they stand like that, in the Normandy’s battery, holding hands until Tali nearly falls asleep.
She wakes up, and this is not her bed. It’s less comfortable, and considering she sleeps on a cot in the same space as Ken Donnelly, snorer extraordinaire, that’s saying something.
“Ow.”
Garrus pokes his head around the corner. “Good, you’re awake.”
“Keelah, not so loud.”
“No time for hangovers, admiral. Shepard wants us ready in five.”
“Tell him I’m dead.”
Garrus comes over to the cot and gives her his hand. “Sorry,” he says, “Commander’s orders.”
Tali swats his hand away and pushes herself to her feet. “I hate you.”
“Nah,” he says. He catches her by her waist and pulls her in. Tali gasps, suddenly flush with his chest. Her hands settle on his sides. “You like me.”
“I…” Tali swallows. So hard to breathe. Head pounding, just a little. Fingers tremble.
“Unless...I have the wrong idea.”
She shakes her head. “N-no. No you…” Finally, inhaling. Tali reaches up, placing her palm over his scarred mandible. “I do like you, Vakarian. Perhaps against my better judgement.”
Garrus smiles. Hard to tell with him, sometimes, but Tali knows.
“When this is over,” he mutters. “No, before it’s over—”
“I promise,” she says.
“So do I.” He leans down, tapping his forehead to her helmet and letting it rest there.
Shepard’s voice crackles over the comm. “Garrus, did you find Tali?”
“Sure did, Commander.”
“Then let’s move, we need to be planetside in ten.”
“Sure thing.” Garrus sighs. “You heard the man.”
“Yes,” Tali says, wincing. “Loud and loud.”
She’s back in the lounge again, very much alone, nursing a bad bruise instead of a drink. The door slides open. Tali’s staring at the ceiling.
“If this is about more of my dead friends, I’m not really in the mood, Shepard.”
“That’s a funny thing to call me.” Tali’s head snaps forward. Garrus saunters over to the bar, going around and getting two glasses. “Triple filtered?”
“I’m swimming in antibiotics,” she mutters. “I’ll take it straight.”
“How’s your suit?”
“No real damage, just hit hard enough to trigger some emergency protocols.” Tali gets up with a wince and goes to sit at the bar. Garrus is out of his armor again. She’s trying not to read into it.
“How’d you drink this last time?”
Tali reaches over the bar. “I was informed that it is called a straw,” she says, grabbing one and wiggling it in his face. Garrus snorts.
“Yeah, humans brought them to the Citadel. Every bar in the wards had ‘em in a few weeks.” He pauses. “The curly ones are kind of fun.”
Tali laughs, dropping the straw into her glass before tapping it against his. They lean in together, taking long sips before Tali says, “I only really wanted him to be proud of me.”
Garrus nods. “I understand that.”
“He was, in the end.” She sighs. “I babbled at Shepard about my father. I won’t torture you with it.”
“It’s alright,” Garrus says. “I like listening to you.”
Oh, keelah, she’s pink. She knows it. “Yes. Well. How is your father?”
Garrus shrugs. “Fine, it seems. He and my sister went...they went to make sure my mother’s alright. Seems like they made it alright.” He flicks the edge of the glass. “She’s sick,” he says.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s nothing anyone can fix. I’ve thrown so many credits at it, everyone says they’re working on it, but that’s all shot to hell by now, I figure.” He drains his glass, then pours another. “Top of?” Tali nods.
“...What’s wrong? You don’t have to say,” she adds. “I’m not—”
“Corpalis Syndrome. Neural degeneration.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “Look, I know I brought it up, but let’s...” He leans heavily against the bar. They drink in silence for a few minutes. Garrus sighs. “Shit, Tali, how does all of this end?”
“Wish I knew.” She finds the straw, takes another sip. “I suppose we know for sure it could end with the destruction of all life in the galaxy as we know it.”
Garrus laughs. “Yeah. Comforting.”
Tali reaches for his hand. It slips easily into her own, the most natural thing. “We’ll win this, Garrus. I know you believe in Shepard as much as I do.” He nods. “Besides, if I don’t hope I’ll lose my mind,” she admits. “I have my home back, there’s promise for my people, that war is over and it feels like we’re getting closer to something.”
Garrus puts his other hand on top of hers, clasping it gently. “I could listen to you be optimistic until the heat death of the universe, Tali’Zorah.” She laughs. They lean forward together, his forehead against her helmet.
“Before this is over,” she murmurs.
Garrus nods. “You just say when.”
She meant what she said to Traynor. Spend enough time on the Normandy, and you just get used to things like this. Clones. Car chases. All of it. It’s been a stressful day, and what Tali would like very much is to go to the nearest bar and drink.
It’s funny, she’d never even been close enough to dream of this part of the Citadel. A quarian in the casino would have had half of C-Sec on her case back during her pilgrimage, Garrus probably included. She points this out to him as tactfully as she can as they meander the Strip together.
“I said I was sorry.”
Tali hooks her arm with his. “I know.” She sighs. “I had wanted to have several drinks, but now I’m not really in the mood.” There’s still adrenaline flowing in her, she feels like she used to when she was on the Citadel, rocking back and forth on her heels, scowling at the turian bosh’tet next to her.
“We could take a walk on the Presidium,” says the turian bosh’tet. “It’s still only smoldering a little.”
“Very romantic.”
Garrus makes...a noise. “I, uh—” He stops. It’s a bad place for it, a few people stumble into them, carrying bottles in their hands. He pulls her away from the crowd. “It doesn’t have to be. We could go watch some varren racing with Wrex instead.”
Tali puts a hand on his chest. Out of armor again. She’s not reading into it as much. “What if we...went somewhere private?”
“Like the apartment?”
“No, I mean…someplace just us.”
“Oh.” Then, “Oh.” Tali nods. “We, uh...yeah. I mean, yes. That’s an idea.”
“I have to find a few things,” she says. “Why don’t you handle that part?”
He smiles. “Consider it done, admiral.” He lifts her hand to his mouth and presses a kiss there. It leaves Tali a little flustered as he walks away, before she remembers herself and rushes off to find what she needs.
Keelah, but the room is...nice.
“How did you—”
“A little name dropping goes a long way.” He guides her into the room, one hand low on her back, signaling his intent.
“I had no idea you were so renowned.”
“Oh, I didn’t use my name.” He goes to the bar and picks up a bottle. “Shepard’s always does in a pinch.”
Tali giggles. Giggles. That’s what he’s reduced her to, she can’t believe it. It’s either him or the antibiotics mixing with the herbs. Or maybe that tea she drank before coming here. She’s going off advice from her girlfriends back home, a few well placed extranet searches, and a conversation with Liara the asari swore she’d never mention to anyone. Ever.
Garrus stops. “Do we really...need this?” He gestures with the bottle. “Because I’m...I’m not nervous, Tali. I mean, I am a little, I suppose.” He fiddles with the cap, setting it down and running a hand over the crest of his head. “Should we plan a little more? Is there anything—” Tali tugs him toward the bed. “Spirits.”
“I’d prefer to leave them out of this.” She sits on the edge, watching him settle next to her. “I’ve taken antibiotics, a few herbal supplements. I’m...as ready as I could be, and—” Tali reaches up, pulling her hood back. “I want this. I want you.” Quickly, before Garrus can argue back, Tali releases the seals on her mask and sets it on the bed.
She was expecting...well, perhaps a sound, or some kind of comment. Silence wasn’t what she thought she’d get. And she isn’t sure how she feels about that. Garrus Vakarian, without a thought? No snark, no commentary? Perhaps she’s thought too much on this, perhaps he was really just stringing her along, perhaps —
“I don’t know what I expected,” he says quietly, reaching up to cup her cheek. “But don’t think I don’t know what this means.”
“I’m not...I mean…” Tali breathes. “Do you...like it?”
“It? You mean do I like you?” She nods. “Tali, I’ve liked you for forever. Ever since you put me in my place in an elevator, and stood up to the mean, stupid idiot I was when I was met you. I told you. I was wrong. I was so wrong about you and I don’t ever want to make you feel like that again.” He holds her face in both hands now. “If you’ll have me, then I could only be so lucky.”
Tali trembles. She climbs into his lap, pushing him back and kissing him. It’s such a feeling, it’s so strange. She’s kissed someone before, but it wasn’t like this. Certainly, because she’s only kissed a quarian, but also...keelah, she loves Garrus. It strikes her, as she’s looking down at him, and he’s looking up. The expression on his face, the look in his eyes —
He loves her, too.
“I’m liking this,” he says, thumb on her chin. “But I’m perfectly alright stopping here, if you want—”
“I don’t. And I’m beginning to think you’re stalling.”
“Absolutely not. I just don’t want to be the reason you’re down with a triple-infection for three weeks and when Shepard wants to know why his best tech specialist can’t make it to the big Reaper fight, I have to tell it’s because we—”
Tali kisses him again.
“I’m not stopping,” she says, “unless the general has a problem with it.”
Garrus groans.
So. He likes that.
“No, no,” he says. “The general has no complaints. And if the admiral is willing…”
“Very.”
Garrus smiles, and Tali finds herself on her back, with his mouth on her neck and working it’s way down.
“Good,” he says. “Now, let’s give ‘em a reason to throw us out.”
“Feels alright?” he murmurs, hands a gentle pressure on her sides as she lowers herself onto him. Tali nods. “Come on, let me hear you.”
“Keelah, yes it feels good.”
Garrus hums. Tali loves the sound, and she’s so close, it moves through her. She slides her hands up the back of his neck and under his crest, holding him, letting this moment just...be. His cock moves inside her and they begin to set a cautious rhythm. Tali’s willing to entertain this for a few minutes. It’s nice to adjust, to learn the feel of him as he moves in and out of her, the little noises he makes that are just for her. She likes to rough gasp of her name, the layers of sound. But soon —
“More,” she says, forehead pressed to his, gasping as he hits her particularly deep. “Garrus, more.”
“I don’t—”
“You won’t hurt me. I won’t break. Please, please, I need this. I need you.”
Garrus nods. “You want—”
“Just—” Tali rolls, and he goes with her. “We can take it slow next time, right now—”
Garrus thrusts in again with a groan, and the whole bed moves with them. He’d wanted noise, hadn’t he? Tali can certainly give him that. She cries out, his name on her lips as he moves and moves and moves.
“Next time?” he asks, mouth close to her ear.
“I’m not...not letting you get away again.”
“Again, huh?”
“Omega,” she manages. “Palaven.” Each time the crew was forced to separate, Tali’s ship back to the fleet was always lonely. And when she was at her lowest, she missed home. Even before they gave her the name, she was Tali’Zorah vas Normandy. She just didn’t know it. She’d miss them all, Shepard especially. But Garrus was different. Garrus was there the first time. And he was there again.
And when Shepard asked, when he needed them all the most, and when Tali needed them, too — Garrus was there.
She’d always nursed a crush. She’d always regarded him with a certain amount of affection. It just took this long to get here.
So, no. She isn’t letting him go again. And judging by the way he fucks her, the way he tells her how good she feels, how sweet she is, Tali knows — he isn’t letting her go either.
“Anywhere you want to go, I’ll follow” he says, words thin and frantic. “Shit, Tali, I’m not going to last.”
“It’s alright. It’s okay.”
“No, no, I wanted this to be good for you, I wanted—”
“Garrus.” Tali puts a hand on the side of his face. “It is good for me.” She kisses his scarred mandible. “I’m with you.”
Garrus groans. “You can’t just say things like that—”
“Why?” she teases. “Because it turns you on? Makes you want me more?”
“N-no, it’s just—” Garrus moves, hard, and Tali throws her head back crying out. He puts his mouth on her neck and thrusts one last time. It’s a frantic few minutes where he holds himself there and keeps pushing, gently, murmuring in her ear things she can’t hear because there’s a ringing sound and she’s pleading with him, saying his name again and again and again until she comes with a shout, her back arching as she clenches around him. Garrus moans as he pulls out, resting his head gently on her chest as they both catch their breath. He mutters something.
“Hm?” Tali’s lazily stroking the top of his head, not really listening, counting the moments until she’ll have to get into her suit again, take the meds again, just to be safe. “Garrus?”
He looks up, and he looks wrecked. Tali sits up. “What is it?”
He’s on his hands and knees, crawling closer toward her. “...I love you,” he says, and kisses her. “I love you.”
The room has a little decon shower which Tali takes full advantage of before she finally gets herself back into her suit. Garrus is sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her dress, buttoning up his shirt.
“Well, we couldn’t manage to get thrown out,” he says.
Tali sighs. “You actually sound disappointed.”
“I sort of am.” He stands and goes to her, helping with the last few clasps before picking up her mask. “There’s always next time.”
Tali smiles, leaning up to kiss him one last time. She’s feeling a little groggy, which means she’s probably spent more time out of her suit than she should have with everything, but the meds seem to be doing the trick. She’ll pay for it tomorrow, probably, though she can always blame the hangover she’s probably going to get at the party tonight.
“I meant what I said,” Garrus murmurs. “I love you.”
Tali nods. “I know.” She presses her mask against the seals, and they hiss as it locks in. “I love you, too.” She draws him closer, and he wraps his arms around her as they enjoy this for what it is, until their omnitools begin beeping in tandem, reminding them about tonight.
“I’m going to get so drunk,” she says. “Are you prepared for that, general?”
“Oh, I’m looking forward to it, admiral. Maybe take a few vids.”
She turns toward the door, stopping with one hand on the handle before she looks back at him.
“Who knows?” she says. “I may even dance.”
Garrus groans. “Spirits, Tali.”
It’s not like they’re trying to hide it. It’s just that, before the end of the...everything, it feels nice to have something that’s just theirs. Of course, Shepard’s always been smarter than he looked, and so when he walks into the battery, he obviously not really surprised. They make excuses, and Tali teases, but on his way out, Shepard stops, looks back at them, and says:
“I was always rooting for you guys.” It’s the closest they’ll get to I love you. I loved you. Thank you for being here. He grins. “Also someone called me about the hotel.”
And then he’s gone.
The door slides shut, and Garrus leans heavily against the console.
“Shit. It’s really time.” Tali nods. “C’mere.” He pulls her in and she leans against him, taking in the noise of this place one last time. “...You uh. Didn’t mean that, right?”
“No, Garrus. I’m terribly afraid that, should we survive this ordeal, you will be stuck with me for however long you can manage.”
“Oh? So...if that was for...forever. You wouldn’t be opposed?”
“Is this a marriage proposal? Because I might not seem like it, but I’d appreciate a bit more thought—”
One talon over her respirator. She’ll get him for that.
“No, admiral. It is not. I’m simply trying to get a feel for how long I’ll be zipping around the galaxy after you. Forever just...seemed like a good place to start.”
Tali wants to kiss him. She can’t, she’s just getting her sinuses cleared after their little romp the other day. But when this is over, when they come out the other side —
She’s going to kiss him, blood and battlefield be damned. And she’s going to keep him, for however long the universe allows.
And forever...just seems like a good place to start.