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The morning after the night before was not always something to be cherished. For Hal it meant a night of desperately trying to forget in something new - new drinks, new places, new people. He woke to the smell of cigarette smoke and the warm afterglow of a night of good sex. It was slightly tarnished at the peripherals - an inversed bokeh where the background stood sharper than the more immediate present that Hal hoped to overwrite it with. The next inhale brought with it the scent of smoke again and Hal’s nose wrinkled. He didn’t normally go for smokers but he’d been looking for a fling and he supposed drunk him couldn’t smell past the alcohol on his own breath.
Relationships hadn’t been working for him lately. He’d wanted a no strings attached night of fun and someone who understood and shared that desire. The memories of the night before were a haze of too bright lights and unfocused vision. He’d gone home with a blonde - it was always a blonde - someone that had chatted him up at the bar and bought him a drink while swearing at the bartender for being asked to put out his cigarette. Hal had laughed at the time when the bartender had jabbed a finger at the no smoking sign and the stranger had reluctantly dropped his barely touched cigarette in a glass of ice.
His. His cigarette. A Blonde Man. Hal’s eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright when something seized in his chest. He’d gone home with a man. He could remember now the feeling of stubble against his cheek when they kissed, the way wide hot hands had grabbed at his ass and pulled him in. The taste of cigarettes and whisky and just a little exhilaration at giving into something denied. In the moment he cant remember who topped but pushes away the thought - unsure if he wanted to know, or which he thought was better. Hal didn’t understand. He didn’t consider himself homophobic but he was straight with only one notable exception. Barry had caught Hal’s eye early on in their friendship. He had been sweet and gentle enough that once upon a time Hal even entertained the idea of giving in to that secret part of himself and daring to hope. Then there’d been Iris…
Then there’d been last nights wedding.
Hal pushed away the thoughts a bit too hastily where they could muddle with the unpleasant hangover, the confused guilt and the twist of shame in his gut. The warring elements did not mix well together and something in Hals stomach lurched. He barely spotted the bathroom in time to make his uncoordinated mess of limbs launch him through the door. This slip up made him confront all the times his eyes had lingered on another man a bit too long - all the fantasies he’d tried to deny. The image of the perfect military pilot, the ladies man, all came crashing down not with a hail of bullets but a handful of drinks and the need for a connection.
The crash of a door slamming open and knees hitting cold tile swiftly followed by the retching gag of a man who couldn’t battle his stomach into submission is what finally woke Hal’s partner for the night. John felt the mattress jolt as his bedmate unceremoniously ejected himself from it but was woken a bit too abruptly to register all that was happening. First came the craving for nicotine, then the satisfying ache of a night spent in the company of someone who knew what they were doing. He had enough time to slip a cigarette between his lips and note that usually he’s the one that couldn’t get out of the bed of fleeting tryst fast enough before the sound of Hal’s heaving reaches him.
John chuckled to himself and redirected the cigarette from his mouth to behind one ear. He might be a cold hearted bastard but he could have a scarp of empathy for a poor sod like himself that had a few too many the night before. Dragging himself from the warmth of the sheets, John pulled on as little clothing as he could to be semi-decent before peering around the bathroom door. “Bit much for you mate?” He asked. “Just say the word and I’ll do us a fry-up - nothing beats a hangover right quick like a proper full English.”
The American he’d charmed at the bar the night before was pale and shaking with his head half buried in the toilet bowl. John admired the bite marks littered over the other mans shoulders while he waited for a response. It was a little while coming, Hal had to steady himself and even after he had, he couldn’t make himself look at the blonde stranger yet. “I… Fuck I’m so sorry-” He stumbled through the words, sure he wanted to say something more but swiftly giving up on the idea of any dignity in his current circumstances. “I… Christ I’ve never- Sorry-”
Thankfully he’d not been hit by another bout of rebellion from his gut but it did churn within him. This time the shame was more pointed. An embarrassment that someone had to see him reacting like this. He let the cold tiles of the bathroom floor leech what little warmth was left in him away. Let the cold ground him in reality.
The poor bastard must have had more than John realised. “Never what? Threw up after a night out? I’m the one that should be bloody sorry then mate - sounds like you’ve never had a good time before in your life.”
“Thats not what I meant-” Hal groaned, still obscured by the toilet seat.
“Look mate, you made it to the bog so I’m not going to take offence to you throwing up. Didn’t realise you were quite that plastered last night but we all misjudge now and then.”
Hal squeezed his eyes closed and rested his forehead against one arm. He didn’t know how to say it without making the stranger feel bad. He honestly considered just grabbing his clothes and heading out, making up an excuse for where he disappeared to - maybe a small green lantern case. Hell maybe he should just run off to Oa until all of this faded into distant memory. Briefly he wondered if the Green Lantern Corps was better about homosexuality than the US Government. Could both his careers be on the line if this got out? “I’ve never slept with another man before-” He choked out, his mouth deciding independently of his brain.
“You wot?”
“I said I’ve never-”
“You’re bloody joking,” John stared at the downed man just long enough to see that he wasn’t. Talk about a gay awakening - waking up in bed with a strange man was a hell of a way to do it. “Well sod me, damn good for a first time.”
Hal flinched and stared at the disgusting ex-contents of his stomach. He willed himself to be sick again - like that would ease the knot in his stomach.
“Shit… sorry I’m no good at this,” John winced when no nervous laughter broke the tension, just an uncomfortable silence that weighed it in heavier. “You’re real freaked out about it, ain’t you?” He considered approaching, but that might make things harder. He’d seen no hesitation in Hal the night before - he hadn’t seemed like someone experimenting. When Hal just started laughing with a hint of hysteria John gentled himself. “Easy on, love, take a breath.”
“I’m a pilot - I could be fired for this,” It started to spill out unbidden, uncontrolled. The years of shame and fear finally bursting out of him. “I’ve always had an explanation or… been able to dismiss it or… fuck I’m so sorry this wasn’t meant to… you don’t deserve this-”
When Hal finally looked up John was smiling weakly at him, a sympathetic tilt to the expression that was surprisingly soothing. Something like solidarity. John was secretly trying not to freak out about the gay crisis unfolding before him. He reminded himself of Ray and soothing conversations over cups of tea when aggressively calling himself a fag fell away to real vulnerability. He reminded himself of promising to look out for others the same way. That old Queen would never forgive him if John turned this man out onto the street, lost and afraid. Especially not a military man like his Bill had been. “Look, I’ll boil the kettle and fix us a fry-up, see if we can’t settle your stomach. You clean yourself up a tad and we can chat over breakfast, sounds like you need it. Alright?”
“Can… Can I use your shower quickly?” Hal breathed the question, tentative like he’s trying to navigate a minefield of his own making. He felt like he should, dried sweat clinging to his skin and the knowledge he’d just been sick making him feel grimey. Surely he could talk about all of this? The hardest part had to be over - they said admitting to things is the hardest part of anything, right?
“‘Course, just dont run the hot water too long. Landlords a bloody thief, ‘ere let me show you how it works-” And Just like that John was putting a gentle hand between Hal’s shoulderblades. He could tell the poor sod was barely listening, so made sure the temperature was right and just showed him how to turn off the ancient contraption that functioned as his shower for when he was done. He thought maybe non-sexual, familiar contact might help. Hal didn’t flinch from the touches so he took it as a good sign.
Strange how he acted more shell shocked after a one night stand than however many years as a pilot.
John left him to it, whatever ‘it’ was. Maybe he just needed to clean away the normal mess that followed a night like theirs, or maybe he was hoping to drown the gay thoughts out of himself - or wash away the shame. John hoped it was just the first. He pulled on his shirt and trousers before heading into the kitchen and fishing out everything he’d need. A few minutes later he dropped a teabag into one mug and a spoon and a half of instant coffee in another before grabbing out a frying pan and setting the kettle to boil. Despite his warning not to take too long, John took his time getting ready - giving Hal a grace period to collect himself physically and mentally.
When the pilot eventually rejoined him, his hair was a more controlled and attractive kind of chaos. He hadn’t looked quite messy before but somehow he still looked incredibly cleaned up now, shirtless but once more dressed from the waist down. John didn’t let himself do too many admiring glances - wouldn’t do to scare the poor man away. “Now, you’re a proper American lad, so I imagine you take coffee. All I’ve got’s the instant stuff so I’m afraid that’ll have to do. Anythin’ in it?”
“Yeah thats great, thanks,” Hal managed to smile. Even his voice was clearer - John wondered if he’d guzzled water out of the sink. “Just black please.” John gave him a lazy salute and poured the boiled water into the mugs, sliding Hal’s closer towards him. Oil heated he started the process of the most unhealthy breakfast he could think of.
“Good bit of English Breakfast is the best way to cure a hangover,” John explained when he felt Hal’s eyes on him. “None of this McDonalds bollocks.” He took a moment to roll up his sleeves and save them from the spitting of oil.
“No kidding,” Hal mused. He sipped his coffee - it tasted a little burnt but he was led to believe that was normal with instant coffee. Somehow it summed up the last twenty four hours of his life perfectly. A little burnt. None of it bad, but just carrying something he hadn’t been expecting nor was he sure he wanted.
“Would of made it for myself regardless, not difficult to throw on two extra of everything” John continued. Hal nodded numbly. It did smell really good, and the longer it was cooking the more Hal found he did want to eat something. His stomach was almost painfully empty after ejecting its contents so early in the morning. “I’m sure you told me last night but you got a name Mr Ace Pilot?”
“I’m uh Hal… Hal Jordan-” The answer came after another mouthful of too strong coffee to steady him.
For John the name clicked into place immediately. “Well sod me, aren’t you Green Lantern?” John grinned back at him. Hal thought his heart stopped. When had that become public knowledge? Were there more closely guarded secrets circulating in unknown groups? “Don’t get your knickers in a twist - Batman complains about you sometimes, though I bet he complains about me more. I’m John Constantine - dont suppose you’ve heard of me?”
The blood drained from Hals face and he choked on his next sip of coffee, feeling the boiling water burn the entire way down his gullet. A moment later the blood returned, a flush painting Hal’s cheeks bright red where a moment before they’d been deathly white. “Oh god,” He stammered. He Did know of John Constantine. The laughing magician who caused as many problems as he fixed and who Batman seemed to have a grudging respect for. The only stories however, were ones of John flirting with god knows what on his various adventures. Worse, he was someone associated with the people Hal also knew. “Don’t tell the league about this - about me - okay?”
“Sure, ‘M not in the habit of spreading my business around the capes-and-tights lot anyway,” John waved the concerns away and flipped over the bacon slices. He’d somehow managed to char a bit of it and made a mental note to give himself that piece. “But you’re scared of it, aren’t you? Of them hearing about it.” Hal was clearly not feeling the most talkative and John glanced around with only just enough time to catch his wince and the way he nervously fiddled with the handle of his cup. He let the silence drag a minute before shifting the pan just to have something to do with his own hands. “They’re not a bad lot you know. None of them have hit me for liking cock yet so they’re meeting my standards so far.” He heard Hal choke on his coffee again and smirked to himself. If he had to shock this blighter into acceptance that was well within the realm of his expertise. “So you’ve really never been with a bloke before? You must’ve thought about it though.”
“I’ve… thought about it-” Hal admitted reluctantly, his mind going back to what he assumed was his first crush. A boy in his high school that was on a few of the same teams as Hal was. Back then he’d put it down to raging teenage hormones.
“More than once I reckon?” John prompted, making sure the eggs were cooked enough.
“A couple of times in school,” Hal said. He was a little unsteady, clearing his throat too often for how it kept drying up. It felt right to speak it - like he had to make himself face it. Overcome fear. “My best friend - but then he introduced me to his girlfriend - wife, now -” Hal compulsively drank another gulp of coffee.
A rebound for a relationship that never was. That was something John could understand. He started dishing out the food only to belatedly remember the toast and stick some bread in the toaster. It was only a day out of date - probably fine, and its not like Hal was going ot be checking the packaging.
“I try not to think about it. Girls like a pilot… its fine - I’m fine.” It sounded awkward enough to Hal but doubly so to John. Like Hal had to justify himself by clarifying he did sleep with women - like it was a defense.
John let himself look over Hal thoughtfully as he put the plates out on the table. Mismatched, alongside mismatched cutlery and two salt shakers - one with the S striked out and a P written on instead with permanent marker. Hal’s shoulders have slumped. He was clutching his mug with both hands and staring down into it like he might find the meaning of life inside. He looked defeated. “If it helps, sounds fairly standard to me,” John told him softly. “Young lad, told that liking blokes ain’t right.”
“I like girls -” Hal insisted once again. John hummed and guided him into a seat at the table, nudging his food towards him. The protest didn’t sound confident in the slightest - in fact it almost sounded like a question.
“I know lots of queers told themselves they liked girls that was all they liked. Kept sleeping with them, figuring it was ‘good enough - that it was ‘fine. Became their normal.”
Hal didn’t want to listen. He wanted to be swallowed up by the chair he’d been sat down in. But the words did resound in his head. It had been fine - he’d accepted fine. He’d stepped into the role that people expected him to play, a womaniser, a bachelor. Sex had felt good, and plenty of women had left Hal’s bed satisfied. Once or twice it had occurred to him that he felt a lot better about pleasing a woman than being pleased by one - the mood had always died a little when he thought too much about what he was doing. “I like girls…” He said, more hollow than the last time. He liked girls. But when he looked back on his life he didn’t notice them like he noticed men. Even in his past relationships - he’d do anything he could to impress but that was all he wanted to do. The moment things got too loving he broke them off. “I...don’t… do I?”
“I can’t answer that mate,” John said, watching the emotional journey take place behind Hal’s glassy eyes. “Doesn’t look like it - but I’m not in your head. Its alright if you dont you know? You’re allowed to not - plenty of people dont. My mate Ray’s gay as they come, and we both know plenty of ladies that wouldn’t get frisky with another woman.”
Hal tried to squash the almost horrifying realisation by shoving a piece of bacon in his mouth.
John watched him a moment and leaned back in his chair. “Look I get it. Its a lot - you were looking for a night of fun, thought you’d pull a fit young bird and wet your cock while you try to forget about that best friend of yours.” Hal’s eyes snapped up to meet Johns, so he took it as a sign he was headed in the right direction. “You didn’t want that though, you wanted to be fucking him - so you went to the next closest thing. I don’t mind in the least - I was just looking to get railed within an inch of my life and you more than supplied.”
Finally Hal snorted with laughter and Johns grin returned. At long last enough time had passed for the tension to snap under the strain.
“I’m sorry,” Hal told him, thankfully much less guilt ridden this time. “You wanted a night of fun and I’ve messed it up. You don’t owe me anything you know?”
“Nah, s’alright. You were freaking out in my bathroom - I’d have been a right knobhead if I kicked you out and left you to sort it yourself. Especially after the treat you gave me last night,” John winked at him. He finally allowed himself to tuck into his own breakfast now that Hal no longer seemed frozen in place.
“Is it bad I’m still a bit scared? Maybe even more?” Hal asked. “I dont think I can let my boss know about this - maybe not anyone.”
“Course its not bad,” John sat up a bit in his chair. “I was scared shitless, though I came out a good twenty years ago and got the shit kicked out of me for it on top.” Honestly he thought Hal’d be a little mad if he weren’t even a little spooked. He was high profile in both his jobs, a member of the justice league. If news got out it could ruin him - it would be a label attached to everything he did. He’d be the gay member of the league, the gay green lantern, the gay pilot. “You don’t need to tell everyone - anyone. Its your business, you dont owe it to em.”
“Yeah, you’re right-” Hal agreed. The breakfast was thankfully settling his stomach, slowly easing that dull ache that had settled in him. Nobody had to know if he didn’t want them to.
John let the silence build again for a while before a chuckle burst out of him unbidden. Trust him. Dark magicians, straight friends, poor cursed bastards. His track record with men was long and abysmal. “I do know how to pick em,” He muses. “Straight best friend followed up by a man so far in the closet he thinks he’s in the woods. Sounds about right to me.”
Hal smiled weakly despite himself. It was a little funny he supposed. He hadn’t realised what he’d been doing. “I’m sorry,” He teased. “But thanks for being so good about it. And don’t worry I promise I’m not expecting anything from you so you don’t need to worry about that. I’ll head home after breakfast.”
“If you like, I’ll give you my number - if you want to talk or go for a round two… well you can always call me, eh?”
The words came out of his mouth before John could think about them. Thankfully Hal had looked away before wide eyed alarm could settle on Johns features. His phone number? He hadn’t been looking to see someone more than once. He will likely run into Hal again through the Justice League but that was different to handing out his phone number.
“You sure? You don’t seem the type to see the same person twice is all-”
“I’ve been known to make exceptions. Especially for a good lay with a nice cock.” John willed himself to stop talking.
Unfortunately Hal accepted his offer. John considered writing down a false number but after breakfast he grabbed a scrap of an old envelope and automatically scrawled down the correct digits followed by his name. He felt like he watched himself hand it over, and ignored the warmth when Hal’s smile turned firmer - turned genuine.
He even kissed the bastard on his way out the door.
When John closed it behind Hal he stared at the wood for a long drawn out moment of bewilderment. Was he trying to look after someone like himself who had struggled into acceptance of that secret part of themselves? Did he honestly want to see Hal again? It had been a good lay and he wasn’t opposed to a repeat performance. He sighed and finally put his cigarette back between his lips, lighting it with a spell.
It’d be fine. A fuck buddy relationship at worst and occasional confidant at best.
Its not like John was going to get attached.