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“You need help?” Jacob asked, coming into the small kitchen as Arno shot him a joking look from where he was washing dishes.
“Thank you for offering that when I’ve cleared the table already.”
“I asked before.” Jacob rolled his eyes, a small grin on his face regardless. “You just ignored me.”
“You were tired today.” Arno shrugged, putting wet dishes on the drying rack without looking. “I don’t mind it.”
“S’not the point.” Jacob walked over and shushed Arno with nothing more than a hug around his waist, the angle awkward as he stood side by side with him. But Arno ever so subtly melted into it regardless, a small smile overtaking his face and growing as Jacob started nuzzling his neck.
“If I stab you with a fork in self-defense, I’m not taking you to the emergency room.”
“I think I’ll survive.” Jacob chuckled. The post-food haze was setting in and he just wanted to drag his boyfriend away to their bed and never get up. “You’re wonderful, y’know that?”
The spoon Arno was holding fumbled out of his hands and almost went down the garbage disposal, waking Jacob up as Arno stiffened in his grip.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.” Arno glanced over at him before going back to the spoon, scrubbing it with a sponge even though it was already clean. There was the faintest blush on his cheeks and his voice was overly casual as he spoke, pitched higher than normal. “You said there was that old ghost movie on tv tonight, right? How about we watch that.”
“You sure?” He cocked an eyebrow and Arno nodded, still rubbing the spoon and ignoring the squeaks of protest.
“Yeah. Go start it for me.” He gave a small, tight smile to Jacob, and continued on like nothing happened. Jacob dropped it and watched him for a while longer before going to start the movie, running over the last two minutes in his head for the whole night.
From their first date to now, the time they moved in together, Jacob knew a few standard things about Arno.
One, Arno loved his hair and took care to groom himself more than anyone should think was necessary.
Two, Arno was a freak who would spot clean every day and do a deep clean every other week; oftentimes Jacob would come home and find Arno at it until he had to pull Arno away and order takeaway for him.
Three, Arno was really fucking picky about his takeaway.
And four; Arno had a heart too big for the world, as much as he tried to hide it, and he directed the full force of it to Jacob whenever he could. And Jacob loved all these things about him, but especially the final one.
It was no secret to anyone -- especially after a drunken crying session -- that Jacob hadn’t had the best childhood emotionally, and it still manifested in him. And Arno always tried to take that weight off even when Jacob didn’t ask for it, because that’s what he did. And he did things around the house and mentally he didn’t have to do with no -- or minimal -- complaint.
But Jacob was learning a few new things about his boyfriend. And one of them was the fact that he had a really hard time accepting the things Jacob tried to give.
He could sit on the couch and play a game on his phone while Jacob lay in his lap, and give the man scalp massages almost absently.
He could give Jacob a look when it was cold and he didn’t bring a good enough jacket and even insist on Jacob taking his wool peacoat -- and always excuse it as not shivering and just pulling his scarf around him tighter.
But if Jacob tried to give him his gloves, he’d shake his head and steadfastly shove his hands into his pockets.
Or if Jacob came into the bathroom and offer to help a half-asleep Arno with his hair, he’d get shooed out the door.
He couldn’t even surprise Arno with anything without Arno squirming in his seat and making some sort of plan to pay Jacob back when he didn’t even need to. So Arno had a problem. And it came to a head in the bedroom when he stopped Arno from pulling him down on the bed.
“I wanna try something else.”
“If you’re asking me to run to the adult store down the block, I’m a bit too worked up for that.” Arno chuckled and leaned in to kiss Jacob, who accepted it but gently broke them apart. The confusion just deepened on Arno’s face, but Jacob held fast. Instead he began to lay gentle kisses on Arno’s face, slowly moving from his face to his jaw to his neck. Arno’s hands lightly gripped at Jacob’s shoulders, small hums escaping as Jacob leaned him back against the pillows.
“Not that I don’t mind, but… What are you doing?”
“You’re so good.” Jacob expected the way Arno froze, and continued. “I wanna show you.”
This was a gamble, of course. Arno was already wary, already tense. And Jacob fought back worry with the thought that it could help. But he just looked… Sad. Unsure. Confused.
“How- How would do that?”
“I do to you what you do to me.” Jacob began peeling off Arno’s clothes, leaving a brush of his hands or a kiss over every patch of skin that was uncovered. “I love you, I take care of you, and give you so much love that you don’t know what to do with it.”
“Seems-” Arno controlled the hitch in his breathing remarkably well, “Seems a bit of a tall order.”
“And you don’t think you’re worth it?”
“It matters to you?” The somewhat settled haze Arno had been slipping into was gone as he stared up at Jacob. The man sat back on Arno’s thighs and sighed.
“It does. Much as you don’t think it would. You’re literally one of the best fucking men I ever met and you’re… You just seem… You don’t see it.”
“I’m just taking care of you, Jacob.” Arno looked at the wall to the left. “It’s what anyone would do.”
“And you don’t deserve for me to take care of you? You really don’t think so?”
“That doesn’t matter.”
Jacob gently grabbed Arno’s face and leaned in closer, taking in the still present sadness as Arno faced him. His thumb stroked the bristles on Arno’s cheek, eventually moving up to trace the scar on his face. The way Arno searched for the contact was enough to sway Jacob over that this was right.
“It does. Humor me for a night.” Jacob smiled, though it wasn’t a joke. Arno looked away again and took in a deep, shaking breath before looking back and nodding.
“Alright.”
Jacob surged forward with the new permission, leaving Arno helpless under him as he weighed him down and rutted against him. But he was willing, and that was enough. There was hope he might understand in everything Jacob did tonight that he loved him. That he was worthy of something, even if neither of them could vocalize what it was.
The way Arno talked in the day, it made him seem to be alone in everything for most of his life, that he needed to change what it was. And he didn’t.
He didn’t expect to change anything because of a night of making love, but he would take the small step of it to open them up.
Arno held onto Jacob’s back hard enough to leave indents of his nails, but it was nothing he noticed as he gently rocked in and out of Arno.
“What are you?” Jacob asked. It was soft, sweet, adoring. And Arno shuddered under him and sniffed.
“I’m good.” He was muffled in the pillow, face pressed into it to avoid looking into adoring hazel eyes.
“And you deserve…?”
“Good things-!” He was left with a small choked moan on the last letter as Jacob picked up speed just a bit more. Curses and praises fell from their lips and wrapped around them like a warm blanket. Even as both of them finished, and Arno collapsed on the bed, the feeling didn’t go away. There was a comfort about it for both of them as Jacob quickly wiped them down and pulled Arno close to him.
Arno’s pillow was wet but he had no fresh tears, just a small, tremulous smile on his face as Jacob moved his hair out of his face.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good,” Arno whispered, a tired thing even as his eyes shone up at Jacob. “Really good.” Jacob returned the smile and nuzzled him, still stroking the softly shining skin.
“You deserve everything, love.” It was the whole of their lesson that night summed up into one small sentence, enough to make Arno both look down and curl in to hold him tighter.
“Well… I still want to take care of you. Obviously.”
“‘Course.”
“I like it. But…” Arno hesitated, eyes focusing on Jacob’s tattoo. “I… wouldn’t mind this every now and then.”
Jacob held back his smile as best as he could, though no doubt Arno felt it when he kissed the top of his head. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
“Okay.”
Jacob loved him.
“Okay.”
And Arno knew.