Archive of Our Own

Zed is known for being among the more optimistic zombies- usually to the annoyance of Eliza. His cheery, can-do attitude can get a little grating when it doesn’t seem warranted. However, he isn’t naive either. In the life that he lives -that being a persecuted person who faces near constant discrimination- naivety would be stupid and dangerous.

And so Zed knows that even with the new lack of segregation against Zombies, things aren’t suddenly going to be all sunshine and rainbows and best friends forever. He knows that some people aren’t going to react nicely to having the two towns merge, in the same way that some people are. But he’d rather they make some progress then none at all. He’s not going to turn up his nose at a chance for change just because it’s happening slowly and not all at once.

What Zed is going to do is be cautiously optimistic. He’s going to hope that the people he meets aren’t out to get him, and then react accordingly if they are- that reaction usually being a hasty retreat.

Something he hasn’t factored into his newfound strategy for segregation integration is his girlfriend, Addison. She’s been a huge catalyst for this change and he knows he can trust her, but some of her reactions to the discrimination that is still going on is a little…odd.

Like right now, he and Addison are walking to school. They’re holding hands and chatting about nothing, and it’s really just a stock standard day. That’s why it’s such a surprise when they get stopped right outside the gate.

“Let go of her!” an unfamiliar voice cries.

Zed is startled enough by the noise that he does just that- dropping Addison’s hand and bringing his own up to his chest in a defensive position.

“Hey!” Addison protests.

“Step away from the cheerleader, zombie scum,” Zed can see who’s talking now. It’s a fellow student- probably a senior going off of looks. Zed doesn’t recognise him and he’s not sure the student knows them either. After all, he and Addison are sort of important figures now- figureheads for the Zombie Integration Cause. People know they’re an item, and so even the more vocal zombie protestors tend to forego trying to split them up.

“Screw you,” Addison shoots back promptly. Zed remains frozen at her side, unsure of what to do.

“Get away from him, quick,” the student says. He holds out a hand to Addison imploringly. “Before he goes crazy.”

“He’s not going to go crazy,” Addison says indignantly. She glances over at Zed like she’s asking him to back her up. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. What’s happening to him?

“Come on,” the student begs.

“He’s not going to hurt me, you idiot,” Addison says. “He’s my boyfriend.”

The student recoils. “He’s your what?”

“My boyfriend,” Addison tosses her white hair defiantly. “We’re dating.”

“Yeah,” Zed finally finds his voice, even if what he says is more of a croak than a word. “So it’s fine. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“You’re disgusting,” the student says, directly to Zed. “Taking advantage of her like that. You’re putting her in danger, you selfish, disgusting FREAK!”

“Back off!” Addison yells. “Just leave us alone. We’re not doing anything wrong. You’re the one being a dick.”

“Let’s go,” Zed says. He finds Addison’s hand again and tugs on it pleadingly. “He’s not gonna stop. Let’s just get to class.”

“Zed-” her voice breaks off as Zed pulls her through the gate and past the student. He hears something that sounds like a lung being cough up, and then something wet on the back of his neck.

He’d been spat on.

Zed lets go of Addison, ducks his head and starts powerwalking to the bathroom.

“Zed!” Addison calls after him. “Where are you going?”

He can’t speak, he can’t say anything to her. Not until he gets the spit off his neck. Her voice fades away as he pushes through the crowds of people and staggers towards the men’s room. In fact, everything fades away until there’s just a dull roar in his ears. The people he fights to get through are nothing more than odd blurs of colour and it’s honestly a miracle that he makes it to the bathroom at all.

Once he’s in there, alone thankfully, he fights furiously with a tap to get it running and starts gathering pools of water in his hands to throw on his neck. After the first few goes, the spit is most likely all gone but he keeps going anyway because the feeling is still there. It’s like it burned into his skin.

“Zed!” someone’s banging on the door. “Zed, what are you doing?”

It’s Addison. Someone who honestly, Zed isn’t sure he can see right now. Thank goodness for Seabrook’s insistence on manners and gender roles and whatnot. If it was Eliza chasing Zed down, she’d already be in the bathroom with him.

“Just go to class!” he calls, mentally congratulating himself on his steady voice. “I’ll catch up!”

“Z-e-d,” she whines, drawing out each letter. “What’s wrong?”

And that’s a problem right there. The fact that she even has to ask what’s wrong, because surely it’s obvious?

“Go to class,” he says again. “I’ll see you there.”

He can’t hear her sigh of frustration, but he knows it’s there. Whenever Addison’s annoyed or stressed, she huffs out these cute little sighs that normally make Zed smile. Now though, he just gives his own frustrated sigh.

The bell rings then, and a flurry of noise starts up outside the bathroom door. Zed makes no effort to step outside and join in- instead closing his eyes and trying to listen solely to the sound of the running water. He really should turn it off considering he’s finally stopped using it to clean his neck. It’s a waste after all. In Seabrook though, clean and constantly running water is a given. In Zombie Town, it isn’t.

Right now, Zed can leave the tap running without any fear of going for days without.

In Zombie Town, he can’t.

He raises his eyes to study his reflection in the mirror. His skin- a sickly, ghastly shade of grey. His green hair that looks dyed but is entirely natural. His red-rimmed eyes that he knows will bleed black if his Z-band were ever to malfunction again.

He looks like he’s sick- like he’s dying.

 No wonder people think he’s a danger to Addison. He looks like he’s seconds away from either giving her the plague or tearing out her neck.

“Zed!” the voice makes him jump. It’s Addison. Zed thought she’d been swallowed up by the crowds of people heading to class but apparently she’s still right outside. “Zed, don’t make me come in there!”

With no one else around to see her now, Addison has dropped any pretence of being a normal, perfect Seabrook girl. That’s why Zed loves her so much, and it’s why he turns off the tap and heads towards the door- even if he still feels raw and exposed.

Addison is waiting right outside the door for him and Zed almost runs her down with how close she’s standing. The frown on her face clears into a relieved smile as she sees him.

“There you are,” she says softly. “I thought you’d drowned.”

Zed forces a laugh. “Here I am,” he says.

“Come on,” Addison says. “We’re already late for class and you know Mr Tremblay hates that.”

So they were doing this? Just ignoring the elephant in the room, pretending that what had just happened had in fact, not happened?

“I think I’m gonna skip,” Zed says without even thinking about it. The minute he does though, it feels right. He can’t go to class right now and focus on trigonometry or whatever new riveting maths trick Mr Tremblay wants them to learn. He’s not having a good day so far and he’s lost the energy he usually has.

People expect peppy, cheery Zed and right now he doesn’t have any of that left in him.

“Why?” Addison asks. She looks concerned but also confused.

“Because of what just happened,” Zed almost shouts. “Because a guy just spat on me for holding hands with you!”

“He spat on you?”

“Yeah, he did,” Zed reaches up with a hand to touch the spot. “And he called me a disgusting freak, so I’m not exactly feeling up for class right now, okay?”

“I’m sorry, Zed,” Addison says. “But I’m here for you. And I understand how it feels. We’re going to get through this together.”

“You don’t understand!” it bursts from Zed before he can stop it. “You couldn’t possibly understand! You haven’t been persecuted your whole life just for being born different.”

Addison reaches up to touch her hair, smoothy and glossy and proudly on display. “I do understand,” she says. “You know I do.”

“White hair isn’t the same as being a zombie,” Zed snaps. “People don’t spit on you and call you a freak. You’ve never had to starve because there isn’t enough food to go around, or drink dirty water because that’s all there is available. You’ve never been jabbed with a taser or locked up just for walking around. None of that has happened to you, so no, you don’t understand!”

“Zed, I-”

“I’m done,” he says, because he is. He’s done with today and everything it’s decided to throw at him. “I’m out of here.”

Addison calls after him but Zed is already out the door. He breaks into a sprint and soon it’s all behind him. The school, the student, and Addison.

Zombie Town is quiet when Zed finally arrives, as it normally is during the day. Most Zombies are either off at their menial jobs working hard to make money, or sleeping in preparation for their night shifts. The younger generation may be fighting for equality, but it is a slower process with the older people who are still so stuck in their ways. Zed can go to school and play football but he still comes home to an empty fridge and an exhausted father who works for mere pennies at the command of rich Seabrook families.

Zed climbs the stairs to this house quiet and slowly, even though he knows his dad is off at his job. He tiptoes to his room and climbs onto his bed carefully, trying his best to avoid the worst of the broken springs that stick out. He’s not in the mood to be loud and angry- especially after yelling at Addison. He’s not here to throw a tantrum or scream at the injustice of it all.

He’s just…sad.

Sad and upset and maybe just a little bit broken inside.

Is this how Eliza feels all the time? She’s never subscribed to the hopeful, cherry attitude that Zed does his best to live by. Is it because on the inside she’s sad and upset and broken, worn down slowly but surely over time by a society that isn’t afraid to tell her she’s disgusting?

Zed wants Eliza right now. And Bonzo. And Zoe. And his dad, and oh god he wants his mum.

A sob works its way up his throat and spills out. It’s followed by another, and then another, and soon he’s full on crying. He can’t remember the last time he cried, let alone cried like this. Cried hard enough that it hurt, a better hurt than the pain inside but a hurt nonetheless.

The z-band on his wrist beeps angrily. The faster his heart beats, the more sure it is that he’s somehow going full zombie. In a few moments, it will register a light shock to attempt to snap him out of it. Zed should try and calm himself down before then.

He finds he can’t.

He thinks this has been building for a long time. Rather than feel every emotion when it hits, Zed has pushed it all down. And eventually those emotions hit the bottom of something, and so it all just started piling up until it couldn’t go anywhere anymore. Now he’s overflowing.

He’d yelled at Addison. He hadn’t wanted to do that, but he had. He knows it’s not fair to go off at her about things like that- after all it’s not her fault.

But is it fair of her to keep insisting that things are the same for you and her?

It isn’t like she’s hurting anyway, Zed argues with himself.

She’s hurting you, isn’t she?

I don’t…

Don’t count?

I’m not hurting.

You yelled at her.

I didn’t mean to.

Another wave of tears comes and brings with it immense self-loathing, a feeling of hatred directed at himself for yelling at Addison when she’d only been trying to help. His heartbeat picks up again at an even faster pace and the z-band beeps an even louder warning.

Zed grits his teeth in the few seconds of preparation he gets, and then it hits.

His body seizes as the electricity courses through him. He’s no stranger to these shocks but in his heightened state, it seems to hurt more than it ever has before. He twitches and shudders and waits for it to be over.

Calm down, Zed. Calm down!

It doesn’t work and his band doesn’t even beep this time before delivering an even stronger jolt. He breathes his pain out in long, deep breaths because he doesn’t want to scream.

The breathing ends up working in his favour though, and his band stops giving him electric shocks. His tears eventually dry up and he’s left a trembling mess on his bed. Without the pain to distract him, his thoughts are free to run rampant again. The back of his neck tingles and Zed knows logically that it’s from the shocks, but his mind insists it’s because of what happened earlier.

Someone had spat on him.

With fumbling fingers, Zed reaches for his phone. It’s an old second (more like fourth) hand one that his father had got him for his birthday last year. It doesn’t have a camera and most of the buttons stick, but Zed loves it. Without he wouldn’t be able to talk to Addison all night long, or text his best friend during a crisis.

Me: You at school?

Lizey: Urgh yes

Lizey: Unlike you

Lizey: Addison said u skipped, whats up?

Me: Can u come over?

He doesn’t get a reply, and he can’t even tell if Eliza saw the message because his phone can’t tell him things like that. All Zed can do is wait and hope.

Ten minutes later, he hears his door bang open and footsteps on the stairs. Zed hasn’t got more than a few seconds to try looking slightly more okay than he is before Eliza bursts into the room in all her angry glory.

“Zed,” she stops short of his bed, looking shocked. “You look…”

“Like shit?” he suggests with a wry smile.

“Yeah,” she says. She still looks shocked but it’s slowly turning to something akin to concern.

“Thanks for coming over,” he says to break the tension. “Pull up a bed.”

There’s nowhere to sit in Zed’s room except the bed or the floor. Eliza does as Zed has suggested and perches carefully on the end of his bed.

“What happened?” she asks.

Zed fights desperately as a new wave of tears threatens to rise. He’s the one who asked Eliza to come but he’s suddenly regretting it as his words fail to come.

“Zed,” she says, with a hint of warmth to her voice. “Hey, it’s alright. Just tell me what happened so I can fix it.”

He swallows the lump down in his throat. “Someone…someone spat on me.”

“What?” Eliza’s eyes flash and the cold fury in her voice chills the room.

And even as it chills the room, it warms Zed’s heart to know that Eliza cares so much for him. So with that in mind, he opens his mouth and lets it all spill out. He tells her everything- the events of the morning and his semi-fight with Addison and even the way he’d cried and cried as everything finally hit him at once.

He’s not sure why he asked Eliza to come over- only that she’s his best friend and he knew he couldn’t be alone. But when she folds him into her arms in the tightest hug he’s ever gotten, Zed knows this is why he asked for her.

Because for the first time since this morning, things feel better.

“I thought you and Addison had broken up,” Eliza says later, when she’s convinced Zed to come downstairs and made them some watery hot chocolate that actually tastes pretty nice, all things considered.

“Huh? Why?” Zed frowns. “I love Addison.”

“I know, you sap,” Eliza gives a fake groan. “She spent the whole morning moping around, looking like she was about to cry. And when I asked about you, she got really quiet and wouldn’t say anything except that you were bunking off. I thought maybe you’d dumped her for some reason.”

“I don’t think I did,” Zed recalls his earlier conversation with his girlfriend. What had he said when was leaving…?

“I’m done.”

“Oh god,” he moans, and puts his head in his hands. “I think I accidentally broke up with Addison.”

“Idiot,” Eliza says, but Zed can hear the fondness in her voice. “I’ll text her. Get her to come over.”

Zed perks up. Any residual frustration at Addison from this morning has long since gone. He needs to apologise for yelling at her.

“Alright, she’s coming,” Eliza throws her equally old phone aside with the sort of carelessness that comes from knowing something is already too broken to break any further.

Zed blinks. Maybe…maybe it’s time he stopped throwing himself around, forcing himself to do things and feel things that he doesn’t. He’s not too broken, after all. He’s Zed, and he’s whole and he’s happy most of the time, and things could always be a lot worse. Change is possible- he and Addison have proven that. He’s not stuck in his own emotions, like somehow he used up all his sadness points and now he’s trapped being eternally hurt.

He’s not a broken phone.

He’s Zed. He’s Zed, and he’s not going to let himself get this bad ever again. No more letting it all build up. No more being careless with his emotions.

No more.

“Do you think she’ll make it in ten minutes like you did?” Zed asks Eliza. Ten minutes is an impressive time to make it from Seabrook to Zed’s house in Zombie Town.

“Please,” Eliza rolls her eyes. “She’ll make it in eight.”

Eliza is right, like she usually is. Eight minutes later, the door is slamming open again and a panting Addison staggers into the kitchen.

For a moment, time slows down until it stops completely. Zed stares at Addison, and Addison stares at Zed. They say nothing, do nothing.

They just stare.

It’s Zed who finally breaks whatever spell they’ve cast over themselves.

“Addison, I-”

“I don’t understand!” she almost screams it in his face.

“What?”

“You’re right, I don’t understand,” Addison’s eyes are wild and as she speaks, she waves her hands around frantically. “I don’t know what it’s like to live in a world that’s always, constantly against you. I don’t know the pain of a z-band zap, or what going hungry feels like. I’m never going to know that, because you’re right Zed, white hair isn’t the same as living your life. I’m sorry I ever insinuated it was.”

“Addy, it’s-”

“But that doesn’t mean I’m not here for you, Zed,” she calms- takes his hands in hers and grips them tight. “And that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to tell me how you’re feeling. Let me know when I’ve put my foot in my mouth. Tell me when you’re sad, or when something shitty’s happened. Just let me into your life so I can at least try to understand, and so I can learn how to help. We’re equals in this relationship. I want to be there for you in the same way you’re always there for me.”

“Addison…”

“Zed,” she says. Her face breaks into a smile and she stares at him with kindness he’d never known humans were possible of until he’d met her. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Zed says, and almost aches with the truth of it. “Thank you, for all of that. That means more than you’ll ever know.”

“Okay,” she says. “So please, please don’t break up with me.”

“Addy,” Zed laughs, and it’s so good to know he can still do that. The tension is broken now, and everything is slowly clicking back into place. “Of course I won’t break up with you. It was an accident, honest. When I said I’m done, I meant I was done with this day.”

“Oh…oh,” Addison throws back her head and laughs with him. “Oh thank god, I was so worried.”

Zed picks her up and spins her around and together they laugh, happy and content in the knowledge that they’re going to be alright.

“You two are gross,” Eliza snarks from her forgotten seat on the kitchen table. “I think I threw up in my mouth a little.”

“Shut up, you love us too,” Addison says.

Eliza doesn’t say anything to that, but Zed sees her smile all the same.

For a time, the three of them just exist like that. Zed and Addison holding each other and Eliza watching on, glancing down at her rescued phone every now and again.

“Alright,” she says finally. “Me, Bonzo, Bree and Bucky are gonna go key that dickhead’s car.”

“What?”

“Oh, me too!”

“Hey,” Zed says. “That’s not a very good thing to do, right?”

“Zed, he spat on you,” Addison says with deadly seriousness. “He’s lucky I don’t kick him in the fucking balls.”

“That’s still on the table,” Eliza says.

“Guys, seriously it’s-”

“It’s not okay,” Addison says. “And it’s okay to admit that, alright?”

Right. No more letting it build up.

“It’s not okay,” Zed says. His face crumples. “I’m not okay.”

And this time, as he cries, he has an extra person to hug and to hold, and to whisper that it’s going to be alright in his ear.

Zed is known for being among the more optimistic zombies- but even that isn’t a constant.  

Zed knows that even with the new lack of segregation against Zombies, things aren’t suddenly going to be all sunshine and rainbows and best friends forever- and today has proven that.

What Zed does know is that they’ll sure come damn close, when he has people like Eliza and Bonzo and Addison at his side.

He’s not okay right now, but that’s going to change.

Everything’s going to change.