Chapter Text
"Can we please stay home?"
"Clint, we've talked about this" Bucky looked down at their boy who sat at the end of the sofa, looking down at the floor in front of him. He was already fully dressed in the clothes he had picked for himself a few weeks ago.
They were about to head out to the annual Christmas dinner at Stark Tower. It was the fourth time they were celebrating the evening together, and after the first quite awkward time, even Bucky had started to like it. It was usually only a few chosen people from Stark's inner circle. Virginia Potts, his security man Hogan, Bruce Banner, and the two of them. This year Maria Hill and Phil Coulson had been invited to join them, because Clint had come to like them, and any person who the boy was comfortable with was a win these days. Neither Bucky nor Steve could really understand why Clint kept insisting on not wanting to go.
Bucky went down on his knees to be at eye level with Clint, rested his hand on Clint's and squeezed lightly.
"Talk to me, monkey. What's the matter" He could tell something was up. This wasn't just one of Clint's stubborn episodes.
"I don't like Christmas. I want to stay home with you two and Alpine" Clint mumbled and his voice was thick with emotions.
Yeah, there was definitely something up that he wasn’t ready to talk about yet. They had agreed to join the dinner though. It had become one of Steve's and Bucky's traditions by this point. Bucky squeezed his hands again and then made him look up by lifting his chin. He wasn't prepared for the sadness in Clint's eyes.
"This dinner is one of our traditions, monkey, and Steve and I have been looking forward to it. We don't want to cancel."
Clint tensed, but Bucky made sure to keep his voice gentle. "I know new things are always a bit scary, but let's make a deal. We go to the dinner, because we told Tony we would be there, and if you absolutely don't feel okay with being there, you come to me or Steve and we leave after eating. Would that be okay?"
Clint seemed to think about it for a moment, searching Bucky's eyes for any sign that he might not be honest with him. Having been lied to most of his life could do that to a kid. When he didn't find any, he finally nodded slowly.
"Just for dinner?"
Bucky nodded, even smiled at him.
"If I don't like it, we leave?"
He hated the uncertainty in the boy's voice, but reassured him once again that he would keep his promise.
"Okay. Can I take Barney?"
"Of course, monkey. Go get him. We leave in a few minutes."
With that Clint turned around and ran across the sofa, jumped over the back of the couch like he had been told a hundred times to not do. Bucky let it slide this time for the sake of keeping Clint comfortable. As the boy raced up the stairs to get his beloved teddy bear, Steve came out of the office, ready to go.
"Where's our little rascal?"
"Getting his bear. He asked to stay home again, said he doesn't like Christmas."
Steve sighed and lowered his voice. "He still hasn't explained why, has he?"
"No, and I don't think pushing it is a good idea, especially not today. I promised him he only has to make it through dinner, and if he can't manage more, we'll come back home."
They had gotten used to compromising with certain things. Clint had made amazing progress over the past months, and most days he was fine with leaving their house and meeting people he knew, even in unknown places. Some days held triggers they didn't know about, yet. Those were the times when things got difficult. They had learned that giving Clint an option to leave situations worked best, and besides two times, when the kid had nearly had a panicked meltdown, he had always managed well, knowing he wasn't trapped in a new situation.
"Sounds fair. Tony will understand."
Clint came racing down the stairs, took the last three steps with a jump and ran towards them.
"Pa! Catch!"
Bucky had just enough time to widen and steady his stance before Clint came barreling at him and jumped into his arms, squealing when Bucky caught him and spun in circles a few times before setting him down on his feet again. Clint looked up at Bucky, happier than before, and then reached for his hand. He seemed ready to go.
>>--->
Sitting in the backseat, Clint watched the landscape fly by. He was nervously playing with the fur of his teddy bear while trying to convince himself that this Christmas wasn't like all the bad ones he had had before.
He hadn't been fully honest with Bucky. He didn’t dislike Christmas. He liked the lights and decorations, even the Christmas carols and the many, many movies he had been allowed to watch over the past weeks. There had been hot chocolate and cookies. They even had snowball fights in the woods, and their tree, that he had gotten to set up with Steve, was huge and great. His problem was entirely different. Christmas for him had always been disappointing, painful and overall, something he didn't look forward to.
They had never had the money for a big dinner, and cookies were only ever given to him when his father didn't see. Harold would get drunk on Christmas and take his mood out on Clint if he dared even mention gifts or wanting to do anything other kids did during the season. He couldn't remember getting gifts beyond some handed down clothes or a toy that Barney didn't want anymore. The past holidays he had spent locked away and alone. He didn't dislike Christmas. He just got sad all over again. No gifts. No family time and no traditions. Bucky and Steve had already done so much for him, hoping for Christmas presents felt wrong all the way.
Bucky and Steve had done their best though, and it was the reason why he had agreed to the dinner. It seemed important to them and they called it a tradition. He knew when Bucky said they could leave any time, it was true. Bucky didn't lie to him.
He still couldn't help feeling uneasy during their ride, staying silent and watching the snow-covered trees fly by. He gave Bucky a small smile when he asked if he was doing okay. He hugged Barney bear tighter and kept his mood halfway up by reminding himself that he would see Tony, Phil and Bruce as well. He liked them. Bruce was always calm and quiet, unless he was the Hulk to fight the bad guys. Tony was funny all the time and made the best little robots. Phil knew the best stories and allowed him to sit in his office with him when Bucky and Steve were busy with things they couldn't tell him about. He got him hot chocolate from the cafeteria sometimes.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad?
The forest changed into the first suburban neighborhoods, and Clint's attention was caught by the lights and yard decorations. By the time they reached the city, he was glued to the window, eyes wide while watching the lights and trees, the ribbons and other decorations that had even been tied to lamp posts.
Clint fell back into his seat, disappointed when they entered the underground garage. He went back to hugging his bear and followed Steve and Bucky into the elevator after they had parked.
"Good evening, Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, young Mister Barton." The overhead voice had made him jump the first time he had heard it, but by now he had gotten used to JARVIS.
"Hello, Mr. Jarvis" he answered back. He stood close to Bucky, who had a hand on his shoulder. He giggled as always when the elevator took off, giving his stomach that tingling sensation. Tony's private elevator moved faster than normal ones, and he loved it each time. Unfortunately, the ride was over too quickly. The doors opened with a pinging sound, and Clint's eyes went wide like saucers.
The entryway of Tony's private suite was decorated just like the streets outside. There were lights, tinsel in red and gold, a huge tree decorated with a myriad of lights and ornaments. What really caught his attention, though, was the Iron Man suit by the door, wearing a Santa costume. Clint watched it all in awe as they approached the door, and spent a minute marveling over the suit. Tony hardly ever allowed him close to one, not even when he visited him in his workshop.
The door next to him opened automatically and made him jump as he had been so focused on the suit.
"Hey, look who's here. Mini spy is ready to crash the party."
It made Clint grin. Tony sometimes called him mini spy, because he and Bucky spent so much time together. He liked it. He would have loved to become a spy, or agent or an Avenger.
He entered next to Bucky, eyes wandering around the spacious place. His mouth hung open as he took in all the lights and decorations, and the huge tree that even had a train moving under it. The place looked like it was taken right out of a movie, too good to be true.
"Hey. Clint," Pepper greeted him when entering the room from the kitchen, smiling and then approaching him for a brief but tight hug. He looked back at her and blushed a little before telling her that he thought she looked pretty in her dress.
"Thank you. Such a gentleman already, Tony could learn from you."
He chuckled at that.
"Let me look at you, handsome. That's a very nice suit you have."
Clint blushed even more, feeling his ears heat up. He looked down at himself. He was wearing dark purple suit pants, e a matching jacket, his new sneakers and the black shirt with the arrows printed on the back. It was quite comfortable for a suit. He had always believed suits to be too tight and stiff, with the way people who wore them always moved stiffly or seemed to not get out of the, fast enough.
"Thank you… Bucky let me pick the clothes."
"Very good decision. You have taste, young man."
"Thank you, Miss Potts."
"Aww no, today is not for formalities. You can call me Virginia, or Pepper if you like that more."
He nodded, his cheeks still flushed. Bruce was the next one to come over to him and kneeled down to hug him as well, but longer than Pepper. Clint loved it when he did that. Tony didn't like hugging, so instead they had made up a routine of gestures and fist bumps that they performed as their greeting ritual. Tony's impression of an explosion at the end always made him laugh. Happy gave him a pat on the back and commented that he was way too young to look that good in a suit. Clint didn't understand why there was an age limit to looking good, but he smiled back at him anyway.
Phil Coulson joined last after their arrival. He came in from another room, pushing his phone into his pocket as he approached.
"Guest of honor has arrived, I see."
"Phil!" Clint launched himself at him and hugged him tightly, getting a long embrace in return. Instead of just letting go, Phil straightened up and kept Clint in his arms, settling him on his hip while giving him an exaggerated once over. He, as well, told Clint he was looking great in his suit and matching perfectly with the rest of them. It wasn't really true, because nobody else was wearing purple, but they were all in suits or a dress, and that gave him a feeling of fitting in, mad him more comfortable.
"How about Agent Coulson shows you around the suite, and you check out the view over Manhattan, Mini spy?"
"Am not a spy!"
"Matter of dispute."
"Nuh, am not."
Tony smiled, and Clint laughed next moment when Bucky walked past them and tickled him.
"No spy, just a monkey without any fear or respect for heights."
Clint tried to push his hands away, squirming and laughing loudly.
"No monkey, just better than you."
"Oh really? Is that a challenge, monkey?"
Tony interrupted their exchange and his face was a little too serious. Clint stopped laughing and hugged Barney tighter. Had he said something wrong?
"I need to borrow your super dads for a few minutes, buddy. You can play with the train if you want, or Agent can take you outside to the landing pad for a snowball fight."
It sounded an awful lot as if he wanted to get rid of Clint, or at least get him out of earshot. It took a reassuring squeeze of his shoulder from Bucky and the promise that it wouldn't take long, before Clint allowed Phil to take him away from the group. His eyes stayed on Bucky until they rounded a corner and his view got blocked. He wasn't okay with the gut feeling he suddenly had.
"Are Pa and Steve in trouble?" He couldn't help it, he had to ask.
"No, Clint. They're not. They need to have a grown up talk, and before your smart brain starts thinking about the wrong things, let me tell you this: It's also not about you. Nothing is wrong, and as far as I heard, you've been really good lately. Your Pa said you do your homework faster than he can teach you."
That wasn't true. Clint wasn't doing well with his spelling or reading, and a lot of days he wanted to give up on it entirely. Bucky didn't let him, and they tried again. He sighed in almost-defeat.
"I'm good with math, but don't like reading. Pa says I only need practice."
"Are you trying your best?"
He thought about that for a moment. Bucky always tried to make the learning fun, and Clint tried hard to understand what he was explaining to him. Steve wasn't so good at teaching school stuff, but showed him other things Clint loved. He nodded finally.
"Yes...but… it is hard, and I'm not good at it."
Phil stopped and looked at him.
"Remember this for the rest of your life, Clint… What matters is you trying your personal best. If you are sure that what you did was your best, it will always be enough. You keep trying and don't compare yourself to anybody. You'll find things you are better at than others. Not everyone has the same strengths and talents, and nobody is perfect. You're doing perfectly fine."
Clint wasn't convinced, his forehead moving into a frown while Phil started walking again.
"But Tony…?"
Phil laughed, and it caught the boy off guard.
"You get a few years older, and I’ll explain to you how Tony Stark is far away from being good at everything.”
-
That just confused Clint more, but his attention was suddenly and completely caught when they stopped at the window front that faced the landing pad. The platform was illuminated by blue lights hung up all around, and completely covered in powdery, undisturbed snow. The surface glistened as if tiny gems had been embedded in the top layer. On top of everything the view over the city was spectacular.
Phil set him down, and Clint literally pressed his nose against the window.
"Can we go outside?" He was hoping they could. The sight was.. amazing. He didn't even look back up at the man next to him.
"Yes, we can. Put your jacket on, and then you can show me your best aim with some snowballs."
Agent Phil Coulson had absolutely no idea about how perfect his aim was.
>>--->
"Stark, we talked about this. No business talk with Clint around."
"I have a lead on the kids."
That shut Bucky up. For long seconds he looked at Tony, the anger about their agreement having been broken, and Clint probably needing more comfort later almost immediately gone.
"Where? Since when?"
Tony gestured with his left hand. "Jarvis, bring up the tracking."
Blue holographic projections appeared between them, a world map and several lines moving across it, photos and personnel files lining up on one side. Tony started explaining his research. He had tracked Carson's activities under an agreement with SHIELD, found associates and leads on his inner circle of trusted people. After the raid, there had been increasing movements and trades by one of the surveilled companies. Last, he brought up two photos. By the looks of it, they were taken from a security camera.
"As far as our little spy described the kids he remembered, these two are suspected to be Natasha and Yelena. There are no reports of missing children in any database that fit them. They were either taken straight from someone's hand at birth, or given voluntarily, and that…"
"Where are they now?" Bucky didn't even want to think about the possibility of children having been given away by their parents to be taken in by some criminal organization. He pressed his lips into a thin line and crossed his arms. Bucky's eyes were focused on the last pinged locations on the map.
"I've been there." Tony and Steve tensed as Bucky spoke. "This…" Bucky pointed at a point in the south of Russia. "...is Krasnojarsk. Third biggest city in Siberia. There's a huge underground network of companies with their hands in black market trade."
"Does that usually include kids?"
The look Bucky shot Steve was answer enough. Of course not, otherwise he had taken it down long ago, or Steve would have.
Tony took a deep breath to break the silence. "Okay, anyway, got a lead on the kids and eyes over there. Wanted to let you know, because your spy kid has been asking about them."
"He asked?" Steve sounded seriously surprised.
"Sure did. Several times. Seems he liked the redhead kid. He's worried. Didn't tell him anything, but he's got his mind set on this."
They were interrupted by Pepper joining them to announce that the food was being brought up. Over the next fifteen minutes, the table filled with food and drinks, the whole suite slowly filling with the scents of various meals and spiced fruit punch. Tony made sure to tip every single one of the kitchen staff generously before they left with the empty trays.
“Jarvis, where are Agent Coulson and Clint? Bucky had spotted their seats, with Clint placed between him and Steve. Clint’s seating card even had a small picture of a ninja. Even if Tony was a huge test to Bucky’s nerves some days, he had to admit that he was treating Clint with far more attention and affection than anyone had expected him to.
„Young Mister Barton is currently defeating Agent Coulson in a snowball fight. With an exceptionally precise aim, if I may add.“
Tony frowned. Having programmed the AI, he could estimate how good Clint must be to get the AI to mention it.
„How precise are we talking, J?“
„Spot on from twenty-five point six yards away, Sir.“
„Now, that‘s impressive for a kid. Are you training him for a baseball league, or something, Barnes?“
„All he does at home is climbing every tree he can find.“
„And outrunning us both when it comes to things he doesn‘t like.“
Bucky gave Steve a look, but had to admit he was right. Clint, once he had come out of his shell, had proven to have quite some temper and could surely express his will about things he wanted, or more so, about things he didn‘t want. Before Bucky could say more, Clint came storming into the dining room.
„Pa! Catch! He‘s trying to get me!“
He jumped into Bucky‘s arms,laughing, little bits of snow melting in his hair. His cheeks were slightly flushed, his hands ice cold when they rested on Bucky‘s shoulders. He could even feel it through his shirt. He was about to tell him to wear his gloves next time, but as Clint hardly ever laughed that way, he decided to let it slide that time. Coulson followed a few seconds later, his jacket wet, as well as his hair.
„Well, Agent, Little spy got you good it seems.“
„He lost the battle!“ Clint looked very pleased with himself when saying it.
„It seems I did. You could shoot targets down with that aim, Clint.“
The boy only grinned ear to ear, babbling on about how he had avoided Phil’s snowballs, but had always hit him where he wanted in return, even when Phil had been running away. He was obviously proud, and even happier about the opportunity to play in the snow, so none of them told him to stop talking. Once they started on the food, Clint slowed down a little, digging into almost anything that was dished out to him. After his attempts to avoid this gathering, Bucky was relieved to see him happy enough to swing his legs back and forth under the table. He even talked to Happy a bit and made a joke about Steve to Tony, much to the amusement of the genius.
„Damn, kid. Where are you packing all that,“ Tony asked when Clint took Coulson‘s dessert after having it offered to him- after having already eaten his own.
„It‘s good? And… I don‘t know?“ Clint’s cheeks turned pink in light embarrassment, and he looked down at the chocolate cinnamon mousse in front of him.
Bucky gently ran his hand through his hair. You eat as much as you want, monkey, but don‘t make yourself sick.“ Looking at Tony, he gave him a look, not very amused about his comment. „He hardly ever sits still, burns it all right off. You‘re welcome to visit for a day and try to make him sit and focus on something.“ He should have probably told him how hard they had been working on Clint becoming confident about eating what he wanted and as much as he wanted without expecting punishment over it.
„I‘m sure he‘d sit still in my workshop if I allowed him to work on something.“
Clint‘s head shot up, eyes wide in surprise.
„YOU WOULD?“
„Safety first, but we could talk about it at some point. Building something easy, like a snowball canon, should work.“
What followed was Clint cheering, while the adults around the table said a stern No in unison.
"Come on. He's interested in it. Why hold him back?"
"You aren't building a weapon with a seven-year-old!"
Tony gave Steve an annoyed look that was half an eyeroll. "Snowball canon, Capsicle."
"It launches projectiles."
"SNOW.BALL.CANON"
>>–––>
Bucky, although he seemed to try not to, chuckled. Clint just looked back and forth between the adults, not wanting to lose his opportunity to build something with Tony. In the end, it was Phil saving the situation.
"What about an RC Car to start with? That's also an all year round project that he can use when he’s done."
"Oh, can we make a purple one?" Clint’s eyes lit up with the idea. He had never before had more than a dented old Hot Wheel car that Barney had handed down to him. In result his eyes went pleading when Tony didn't answer immediately, the first disappointment already setting in.
"Jesus, kid. Put those puppy eyes away, or my non-existing heart will probably take damage. Yes, we can do that. I have a race car we could take the blueprints from and size them down. Sounds good?"
"So cool! Can I see the race car, too?"
The genius shrugged. "Sure, wanted to take it to the track for a spin soon, anyway"
"Tony, he's a kid!"
Bucky gave Steve a nudge. "He's not a baby, punk. He survives car rides with you on a daily basis."
Tony laughed about good old Cap having gotten it from his best friend, when Bucky's eyes moved to him and shut him up.
"No full speed. Empty track. Suit and helmet for him or he's not going with you!"
"Oh, please, as if the equipment is going to be a problem!"
"I get a race suit and a helmet?" Clint could hardly believe it, bouncing in his spot with excitement.
"No purples, kid. Team Stark is blue and white, you need to respect the team colors."
"Yes, Sir," he agreed with a smile that went almost from ear to ear.
"Perfect, now stuff your face with the rest of that dessert, we got a long list of movies to go through tonight."
Clint’s chocolate mousse was gone within a minute and with the promise of being allowed to stay up and watch movies for as long as he could manage, he even forgot about not having wanted to come over at first.