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Looking back on it, a prom invite through a note might not have been the best idea Sunwoo has ever had.
Hell, it probably isn’t in the top five of his best ideas. Or, how Eric so kindly put it, ‘It’s in the top five worst ideas you’ve ever had’. For once, Sunwoo has to agree.
What’s even worse than his apparent inability to utter any words that would loosely translate to ‘will you go to prom with me?’ In the vicinity of Jaehyun is the fact that the note he decides to give the other is anonymous.
Because, of course, Sunwoo just hates himself.
“Well, I mean, one would think he would get the message since you’re the one giving it to him. I don’t need you to sign your Biology notes before giving them to me to know who I need to return them to,” Eric points out, somehow logically. Unfortunately, it’s too little too late at that point.
“Why do I even give you my notes?” Sunwoo asks to which Eric waves his hands dismissively.
“Not the point.”
If only Sunwoo knew Jaehyun isn’t as observant as Eric he would have at least signed the note with his name instead of leaving it at ‘Yours truly’.
Anyway, Sunwoo isn’t aware of just how wrong things will go when he enters the school one period before his classes start with a bright smile.
“Dude how are you so excited this early in the morning?” Eric mumbles as he strolls the halls just behind Sunwoo. He kind of looks like Sunwoo’s shadow except ten times sadder and grumpier.
“I never asked you to come,” Sunwoo turns to his best friend and takes in the pitiful sight before him. Eric looks like he didn’t sleep at all this weekend and Sunwoo might know a thing or two about it if the memes the other has been sending him at five in the morning are anything to go by.
“You wanted me to miss the most interesting event that’s gonna happen at the school in all the years I've been here?” Eric shakes his head and stops before his own locker while Sunwoo takes a few tentative steps and look’s first at his and then Jaehyun’s. “No way.”
“You’re so dramatic,” Sunwoo rolls his eyes, a small smile appearing on his lips. He turns to the lockers in a poor attempt to hide it from his best friend. Eric laughs. “Where’s this energy when Miss Jung threatens to fail you? One would think that would give you a bigger adrenaline boost than my love life.”
“Not a chance,” Eric answers and winks. Sunwoo really hates the other sometimes but that doesn’t mean he isn’t thankful for the other’s presence anyway.
Because, well, despite it all as the both of them wait near the lockers and watch more and more of Jaehyun’s classmates come and go Sunwoo can feel his resolve weaken until there’s almost none left and it’s only Eric’s piercing gaze keeping him in place.
“You know what? This is a terrible idea—” it’s only when Sunwoo catches Changmin and Chanhee wave at him enthusiastically from the other end of the hall when it hits him what he’s doing and he tries to turn around. Chanhee gives him a judging look while his boyfriend beams at Sunwoo and shouts something that gets lost in the chaos of the busy halls just before the first bell.
“What’s a terrible idea?” comes a new voice from behind Sunwoo. He swears he can feel his blood turn to ice as he turns around to face Jaehyun.
The other looks like he has just woken up five minutes ago and sprinted all the way to school which is honestly possible, Sunwoo can recall at least ten times Jaehyun overslept and begged him for notes.
Eric shoves him lightly and Sunwoo finally snaps out of it. Judging by the stare his best friend gives him he has spaced out for quite a while and has been staring at their friend for longer than is socially acceptable.
“Our gaming marathon yesterday. Man, I think I’m gonna fail our math quiz,” Eric puts on his best kicked puppy expression and Jaehyun turns his attention to him, clearly judging them both now.
God, this is not good.
“Yeah, what Eric just said,” Sunwoo adds stupidly, and then, in a sudden burst of courage he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the letter he wrote. “This is for you.”
Sunwoo’s knuckles turn white from how tightly he’s gripping the paper as he gives it to Jaehyun.
“Are you going to let go or?” There's a shadow of laughter in Jaehyun’s voice. Sunwoo forces his fingers to relax and he takes a deep breath as Jaehyun carefully takes the note and smoothes out the edges Sunwoo managed to wrinkle. Sunwoo throws Eric a quick glance, his best friend’s eyes meeting his before he focuses on Jaehyun.
Sunwoo can pinpoint the exact moment Jaehyun realizes what exactly he’s reading. His eyes open just a fraction wider and one corner of his lips turns down in a frown.
Shit, this isn’t good. Jaehyun isn’t supposed to frown as he reads the confession Sunwoo has poured his heart into writing. He’s supposed to be all happy about it and then look up at Sunwoo and say ‘I’ve been in love with you for years now too’ and then they would go to prom and live their happily ever after—
Except, the Jaehyun Sunwoo has created in his head sounds nothing like the boy before him, the boy he knows so well.
Shit, why did he think he had a chance exactly?
“Who is this from?” Jaehyun asks finally, his eyes wide with confusion.
Holy shit, Sunwoo thinks as he tries to keep his face neutral, holy shit I’m friends with the biggest idiot.
Trust Jaehyun to be completely obvious in a situation like this. It throws Sunwoo off so much he takes way too long to come up with a smart response.
Eric’s eyes are burning holes into the back of Sunwoo’s neck and he feels like he might actually catch on fire if he doesn't open his mouth and says something now.
Clearly, it's the pressure of Eric’s gaze that makes him stupid.
“Ah, no idea. They left it in my locker,” he says and curses himself because what the hell, who would even believe that?
“That's next level security to make sure I don't catch them,” Jaehyun gives the corridor behind them a fast glance over as if his nonexistent secret admirer would jump out and scream ‘please go to the prom with me!’.
Sunwoo does want to scream but for completely different reasons. He would never do a screaming confession, that's embarrassing. It's part of the reason why he decided to go for a note. The other one being that somehow, in Jaehyun’s presence all vocabulary they teach you past kindergarten leaves him in the dust.
“Yeah,” he echoes dully. “Next level security for sure, I wonder who it might be.”
Sunwoo can't remember the last time he's sounded so soulless.
Jaehyun shakes his head and Eric gives them both an exasperated sigh. Sunwoo won't hear the end of it once he's left alone with his best friend.
Well, for once he actually deserves it.
The bell chooses this exact moment to ring and Jaehyun rushes to his first class of the morning.
Both Sunwoo and Eric stay at the lockers. They have the first period free.
“I can't believe he bought it even when he knows we don't have classes now. I swear he knows, he has your whole timetable memorized. Why the fuck would we be in school already?” Eric turns back to his locker, resigned. Sunwoo wants to bang his head on his locker but he kind of needs it to work for the rest of the school year and damaging the locker wouldn't help with that. “Why didn't you correct him, dude?”
“I panicked!” Sunwoo groans. “I mean, if his first thought was that I must be delivering someone else's message imagine how deep into the friendzone I must be.”
Sunwoo closes his eyes and counts to ten. This is fine, this is just one of his stupid crushes like the one he had on Changmin in their first year. On the one on Eric in kindergarten.
“You're not allowed to give up like that! I'm not listening to your pitiful rants about him anymore.”
Sunwoo turns to his friend with a look that will hopefully melt his heart.
“But—”
“No buts! Come on, you can do better than this,” it's kind of sweet how hard Eric tries to salvage this situation. Maybe if Sunwoo was a nicer person he would listen.
“I'm fine, give me a week and I’ll start talking about someone else.”
Eric gives him a look that says he absolutely doesn't believe him and that's the end of the conversation.
Sunwoo turns to collect his books and pretends he doesn't see it.
xxx
Sunwoo absolutely doesn't let it go.
It's been a week and as if on cue Eric opens his mouth and starts a conversation that makes Sunwoo's head hurt at eight in the morning.
“Seriously?” he asks as he shuts his locker with a little bit more force than necessary. “This is the best idea you’ve come up with?”
“This is the only logical solution to your problem,” Eric argues. Deep down Sunwoo knows his best friend is right but who is he to pass on a chance to irritate Eric just a little bit. “You wanted him to know it’s you anyway so what’s the harm?”
Sunwoo huffs in disbelief. There’s a lot of problems with it and he can't believe Eric can't see them as clearly as he can.
“First of all, it’s embarrassing,” he counters. Sure, Sunwoo could say he was caught off guard and panicked but still, he’s had many chances to come clean until now. It’s not an option anymore.
“There's no second reason right?” Eric raises one eyebrow as if he knows everything that's currently going through Sunwoo's mind. At this point in their friendship, he probably does.
“Just let me sulk over my rejection in peace will you.”
“What rejection?” Eric raises his voice and Sunwoo turns around in fear. Jaehyun is not supposed to arrive for another two hours. Sunwoo still feels an intense wave of relief wash over him when the only familiar figures he spots are Changmin and Chanhee chatting quietly in the corner at the other end of the corridor. Sunwoo might have been concerned about his friends overhearing Eric's ridiculous claims if only he wasn't all too aware that when the pair is like this the rest of the world doesn't exist for them. He sighs.
“I’m too deep in the friendzone to be considered an option, remember?” Sunwoo mumbles under his breath.
“No, you’re just stupid,” Eric rolls his eyes dramatically for good measure. “It’s why I’m telling you to try again but this time verbally so Jaehyun can't misunderstand you again.”
“No,” Sunwoo repeats himself for what feels like the hundredth time this morning. It’s an endless circle with them because they’re both stubborn and Sunwoo knows he’s usually the first one to break. Not this time though, there's no way he can back down on this one.
“On paper then?” Eric practically begs, his eyes trying to catch Sunwoo's even as the older of the two starts on his way to their first class. Eric trips and Sunwoo catches him at the last second before his best friend can meet his end prematurely. “Signing it with your name this time of course.”
On second thought, Sunwoo should have let Eric fall.
“Why are we still having this conversation?” he asks, genuinely curious. Eric knows he won't be able to persuade him to anything anyway and Sunwoo has already used up all his courage on that one confession note. “I’m too lazy to repeat myself but I listed my reasons not even a minute ago. Please refer to that and leave me alone.”
Eric pouts and lets his shoulders drop. The corners of Sunwoo's mouth raise slightly in a small celebration of victory. There's no point rubbing it in or Eric might decide to continue bothering him all throughout their biology class.
“Are you really going to let this all go to waste?” the words make something inside Sunwoo shift uncomfortably and he chances a quick glance at Eric. It’s hard to take the worried look on the other's face as anything else than it is. Eric is genuine, damn it all. “Jaehyun liked the note, you know, Jacob hyung told me how much he talked about it.”
Sunwoo doesn't know what to answer. Some part of him has just assumed the other would just go on about his days as if their encounter at the lockers was just a small disturbance. A slight change to the routine.
This, he hasn't considered.
“What do you want me to do about it, really,” he sighs finally and turns to Eric when they reach the entrance to their classroom. Everyone is already inside so he isn't particularly worried about anyone overhearing their conversation. “I know I’m amazing but I’m not exactly as brave as you seem to think.”
At that Eric sighs too and turns away, his hand automatically coming up to rub at the back of his head in thought.
“I know, it’s just…” he stops for a moment, probably trying to figure out the best approach. “I don't like seeing you so miserable.”
Damn it, Sunwoo thinks. You got me here.
“Fine,” he finally gives in but before Eric can get too excited, he lifts a hand and successfully shuts the other up. “But I’m doing it on my own terms. Letters again but no signing it. It’s my final decision.”
Eric raises his eyebrows in question.
“I still think that revealing my identity wouldn't do me any good but maybe I can get into his head through my notes.”
“This is so stupid it might just work,” Eric gives him a smile and makes a move to get into the classroom just as the bell rings.
Sunwoo is about to smile back when Eric's hand lands on his shoulder with so much force that it makes him trip and stumbles into the classroom just as their teacher lifts his eyes to look at the class.
God, Sunwoo really hates Eric sometimes.
xxx
And so it begins; the endless circle of Sunwoo's suffering.
It all starts fine, Sunwoo opting for leaving the notes in Jaehyun's locker instead of delivering them in person. He isn't sure if he could stomach seeing his friend be happy about them while completely unaware that the sender is standing next to him, watching.
The notes are easy to write, too, all the words that have accumulated over the years spilling out in easy sentences Sunwoo is able to put together only when he's writing.
It's all so easy until it's not because, of course, Sunwoo can't have nice things, can he?
“What's got you smiling like a psycho first thing in the morning?” Changmin asks Jaehyun, suspicion clear in his voice. It's a very valid question, Sunwoo thinks, seeing the smile on Jaehyun’s face should be classified as illegal at eight in the morning. His stupid heart hammers in his chest at the sign of it.
“I got another letter,” Jaehyun answers. It's not only his face, his voice is too happy for this early in the morning too.
“Boring,” Chanhee rolls his eyes. He's kind of right too; it's been a while since Sunwoo started sending the notes and if Chanhee's expression is anything to go by, this isn't the first time he's hearing about them from Jaehyun. “Come back when you actually start sucking faces with your secret admirer.”
Sunwoo can’t help but grimace at the way his friend accents ‘secret’. Is it really necessary, rubbing it all in?
“What's with that expression Sunwoo? Are you jealous of my admirer’s way with words? Don't worry I think that you could be not so dull if you tried too,” Jaehyun gives him a shove and Sunwoo can see the opening words of his note. God, Jaehyun really is stupid.
Changmin is trying very hard not to snort and Chanhee is clapping him on the back as if his boyfriend is having a coughing fit, not the laugh of his life.
“Interesting observation you've got here,” says Chanhee which basically means ‘how stupid can you get’.
Ha Changmin hyung, you aren't the only one who can read Chanhee hyung anymore, Sunwoo thinks.
“Yours dully,” Sunwoo says as he steals the note from Jaehyun’s fingers.
“What?” the other asks, surprised.
“That's how I should probably end my note if I ever decide to write someone one.”
“Ah,” Jaehyun looks at the piece of paper between Sunwoo's fingers and frowns. “Probably.”
A letter starts forming in his head. It's one he will never send.
xxx
Dear Jaehyun,
You were right, I'm dull when I have to sign a note with my own name.
Yours dully,
Sunwoo
Sunwoo stares at the words he just wrote and snorts to himself. This might be the truest one of his notes yet, seeing as it has his name and all, but it’s also the most ridiculous one lacking the romantic touch all the other ones had. It’s perfect.
“Dear lord,” Sunwoo mumbles to himself before he shakes his head with a laugh and folds the piece of paper. At first, he wants to throw it away, it’s the smartest thing to do, but then he decides against it, hand hovering just above the trash can before he pulls it back and instead tucks the notes safely in the smallest pocket of his backpack. “This should do.”
It’s fine that he never really uses the packet anyway since there’s no way he’s ever going to use the note either. It’s just there as a reminder of sorts.
A reminder that Jaehyun is right and he really is dull. And also a coward.
xxx
It all comes to a stop a week before the actual prom.
By this point almost everyone has their date, the amount of times Sunwoo has been an unwilling witness of prom proposals actually sickening.
Okay, he has to admit most of them were actually sweet, like the one Chanhee pulled on an unsuspecting Changmin. His response has been ‘I thought it was a given we're going together’ at which Chanhee rolled his eyes.
He's happy for his friends, he really is. It's just that despite everything Sunwoo can't help but also feel bitter.
“Stop staring like an old creep,” Eric scolds him during lunch. Sunwoo tears his eyes from Jaehyun and turns to his best friend, annoyed.
“I'm not old,” he protests, which earns him a doubtful look. Sunwoo can't argue the second part of Eric's accusation because well… He kind of is behaving like a creep.
“Just ask him. You’re both dateless so even if he doesn't feel the same, I don't think he would reject you.”
Sunwoo sighs.
“I don't wanna go as friends.”
Eric lets out an exasperated sigh.
“Wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me,” he says, the words dripping sarcasm. “Seriously Sunwoo, you've been sending all those notes and for what?”
Yes, that's in fact an excellent question.
Sunwoo shifts in his seat uncomfortably.
“Actually… I forgot to leave one today,” he says finally. It's partly true. Sunwoo did stop in front of Jaehyun’s locker that morning, note in hand, but decided against it at the last second.
It's the week before prom and for some reason this all feels wrong.
“Perfect! You just need to give it to him himself.”
“Because that ended so well the last time,” Sunwoo rolls his eyes.
“Would it hurt to try?” Eric asks and once again Sunwoo can see the worry in his best friend's eyes.
Sunwoo turns away and his eyes find Jaehyun again. The other is talking to Jacob and Kevin and the two Canadian boys laugh in unison at something Jaehyun says. Sunwoo can feel himself smile.
Right. It probably wouldn't hurt to try one more time.
xxx
Sunwoo regrets his decision as soon as he lets the note dangle from his fingers, the distance between the piece of paper and Jaehyun’s fingers disintegrating with every passing second.
“I think this might be the last one,” he says in a quiet tone but it seems Jaehyun doesn't hear him with the way he doesn't even lift his gaze from the note. He scans it, fast, a smile dying on his lips as quickly as it blossomed.
Sunwoo feels his throat close up around all the excuses he came up with in case Jaehyun became suspicious.
“What's wrong?” he asks instead, voice a little bit choked. “Is the note bad? I thought you liked them?”
“The notes are sweet and all but I already have someone I want to go with,” Jaehyun raises both his eyebrows at Sunwoo’s surprised expression.
“You never told me you had a date! I'm your best friend!” Sunwoo can feel his hands turn cold and his heart stops for a second before it picks up speed again. His thoughts all start to mingle together until all he can think about is that this isn't how it was supposed to go.
Truth to be told, Sunwoo never had a solid plan, never knew where he was going with it. At some point just seeing the smile on Jaehyun’s face was worth everything but now…
Now suddenly he feels like someone took the ground from under his feet.
“I don't have a date yet,” Jaehyun sounds resigned all of a sudden. It's not a good look on him and Sunwoo hates it. “I was going to ask them but you delivering those messages for someone else kind of threw me off.”
Sunwoo isn't sure he's following because the words make sense in some alien and impossible way. There's no connection between the notes he's successfully been delivering to Jaehyun for the last few weeks and the other asking someone out unless Jaehyun thought he knew who the sender was and liked them and yet for some reason all Sunwoo can think is ‘ah, of course, I'm such an idiot’.
Well, Eric did warn him this whole thing will bite him in the ass eventually.
Sunwoo wishes it wasn't in the most embarrassing way possible. If Jaehyun was so worried about some anonymous person liking him that it stopped him from asking out his crush then Sunwoo had to come clean and assure his best friend he wouldn't mind.
Even though he totally will mind seeing Jaehyun laughing with someone else the whole night while Sunwoo will most likely be stuck third wheeling Changmin and Chanhee.
“Actually,” he says and slowly reaches into his backpack. There's no logical explanation to why he's been carrying the note he wrote weeks ago with him all this time, in a place Eric could steal it from, but right now he's glad he did.
His hands are trembling so bad even though this is literally the worst thing he has ever written. It's true though, Jaehyun has always been right but he didn't know why. Sunwoo is a good songwriter, a good rapper. He just sucks at putting his emotions into words when he's exposed, his own name behind the letters on the paper.
He should have tried with the note more but Sunwoo never thought, in a million years, this unromantic piece of crap would be the one he'll end up confessing with.
Well, at least no one will say he did go down without a bang.
“This one…” the words ‘is the last one I think’ are stuck in his throat. What's the point of lying anyway? “Well, I think you should just read it.”
Jaehyun looks at him with a questioning gaze but Sunwoo turns away, pretending he didn't catch it.
He doesn't think he can look at the way Jaehyun will finally be able to relax after reading the note.
The silence that falls on them is unbearable and after what feels like eternity but is most likely not even a whole minute Sunwoo can't take it anymore.
“I'm sorry—” he starts to say but the words get trapped in his throat yet again. He can't bring himself to apologize for his feelings no matter how right it seems at the moment. He just can't.
“Why didn't you tell me?” Jaehyun’s voice is quiet, the words almost a whisper.
Sunwoo feels a shiver run down his spine.
“I wanted you to know,” he starts shyly. Shit, he should have prepared a whole speech. “That first time, you know? But you just assumed I was delivering it for someone else and I panicked because the truth is, I like you so much and this was never just one of my crushes despite what others say.”
“Shit, I really did say you're dull didn't I?” Jaehyun’s tone is lighter now and it makes Sunwoo risk a quick glance at his friend.
Jaehyun doesn't look disgusted, sad or disappointed. He doesn't even look surprised. It makes Sunwoo relax just a little.
“I think you just insinuated my love letters would be dull. Can't say you were wrong if you think about it.”
Jaehyun shakes his head but smiles.
“I was wrong,” here the older boy lifts his gaze and their eyes finally meet.
Sunwoo is stunned into silence when he sees the intensity of emotions in Jaehyun’s eyes.
Eric would laugh at him if he saw them now.
“I'm stupid,” Sunwoo says matter of factly. “But so are you.”
Jaehyun nods and rolls his eyes.
“Guilty as charged,” he admits and moves a little bit closer so that their shoulders brush against each other. “Do you think I can ask my crush out to prom now?”
“Sure,” Sunwoo says and turns around, pretending to walk away.
“Hey!” Jaehyun’s hand lands on his shoulder before he can as much as take a single step and Sunwoo turns around with a smile on his face. “What do you think you're doing?”
Sunwoo just smirks in replay.
“We've known each other for way too many years already if you ask me,” Jaehyun starts and it makes Sunwoo snort. What a beautiful way to confess to someone. Then again, maybe he shouldn't be the one to judge. “Still, I somehow find myself liking you a little bit too much. So, do you want to go to prom with me?”
Sunwoo smiles his most radiant smile. There's no one but Jaehyun to witness it in the empty school corridor. It's perfect, it's all he's ever wanted.
“I thought you'd never ask.”
xxx
Bonus
“Do you think they would notice if I stole their servings of panna cotta?” Changmin asks in a conspiratorial whisper while leaning into Chanhee’s personal space. “I could also get you their strawberries.”
Chanhee gives Changmin an amused look. Normally he would point out how they’re sitting close to Kevin wouldn't mind giving them either of the things Changmin mentioned but looking at their friends across the room he stays quiet.
“I think you could steal Sunwoo's pants right now and he wouldn't notice.”
“Are you suggesting I need new pants?” Changmin asks but he doesn't even try to sound fake offended. Chanhee rolls his eyes anyway.
“I don't think you need their desserts either and yet here we are,” he answers as the two of them watch Jaehyun laugh at something Sunwoo whispers into his ear.
They look so happy it truly is disgusting.
“On second thought, I think I want the strawberries. I really do,” Chanhee says and smiles at how fast Changmin gets up.
He doesn't stop laughing when his boyfriend makes his way to Sunwoo's table, takes the food like it’s his anyway and gets back slowly, even dancing for the chorus of Toxic on his way. Chanhee greets him with a smile and a nod of his head.
“Look,” he points to the dance floor where most of the pairs gathered to dance to one of the cheesy slow songs the DJ was probably forced to play.
In the middle of it all, there's Sunwoo and Jaehyun. The pair is smiling at each other, talking in hushed voices.
Then, Chanhee’s finger moves and brings Changmin’s attention back to the table he has just visited.
There, on the plates that should be empty right now, lays a fresh serving of strawberries and two untouched panna cottas.
“What the,” Changmin furrows his brows and snaps his gaze to the dance floor.
Sunwoo lifts his gaze just in time. The look he gives them can be only described as nasty.
Chanhee laughs.
Some things just never change, he thinks and just a second later is proven even more right when Jaehyun says something and Sunwoo's attention snaps back to the other again. Just like that, Changmin and Chanhee are off the hook again.
Some things really never change and Sunwoo being whipped for Jaehyun is one of them.
“Changmin-ah,” Chanhee says, laughter clean in his voice.
“Hmm.”
“How do you feel about stealing me some more strawberries?”
Now it’s Changmin’s turn to laugh.