Work Text:
"You are late."
Obito's shoulders slump as he looks back at Kakashi, eyes angry and gleaming with an unhidden anger. He grips at the doorframe, face scrunched up, furrowing his eyebrows.
"Yamanaka-san needed help with the flowers," Obito offers then as if that should explain everything.
Kakashi takes a step forward, burning hatred in his eyes never leaving Obito's face.
"That's a shit excuse," Kakashi huffs and Naruto is about to yelp, hand going to squeeze Kakashi's shoulder, words 'please don't swear' already half-formed on his lips.
Sasuke's palm is a warm presence on Naruto's nape, pressing down, squeezing, and Naruto shifts his gaze to look at his teammate's face. Sasuke's projecting clear annoyance but there's also a look clearly instructing Naruto to just shut the fuck up, so he does, painfully biting his tongue even as he grasps on Kakashi's shoulder to shake the kid in an attempt to shut him the fuck up.
"Well, you aren't that late, Obito," Naruto cheerfully says, flashing a bright smile in the direction of a blushing small Uchiha. "We were about to head off, so you're just in time!"
Kakashi huffs again.
Sasuke makes a sound like he'd rather suffer through another war than stay in the same room as Team Seven for another ten seconds.
In retrospect, Naruto should've expected this.
He was toying with some fuuinjutsu scrolls found deep in Konohan archives--the scrolls once belonged to Uzumaki Mito-sama, Shodaime's wife. Naruto was running low on any fuuinjutsu masters to ask for any kind of advice on his own techniques, most of them being, well, dead--most stuff learnt after Jiraiya's death was just largely a matter of trial and error.
Naruto was midway through trying to replicate something he had seen in Old Man Second's scroll when Sasuke had dropped by straight after the mission--the bastard was bleeding, which means he had avoided going to the hospital. Again.
Which was his biggest error, because the wonky seal Naruto was drawing all over the floor in their living room was blood-activated.
Now, you see, the thing is, Naruto is adept enough to produce a lot of counter-seals. He is The Uzumaki Naruto. The Hero. The Fuuinjutsu master. The Hokage candidate. A Sage-level shinobi. He wasn't dumb, is what Naruto is trying to say.
But after spending about a week somewhere deep in the forest god-knows-where with the most prissy Uchiha to ever exist on the planet, he was feeling like the stupidest person alive. The seal just didn't work. No matter how Naruto had modified the formula, the runes on the floor of a temple the two of them inhabited for that week stayed just useless runes, which was One--rude, and Two--illegal.
Naruto needed someone else's fresh eyes to look at the damn seal. Sasuke did not count--when he wasn't brooding in the corner, he was brooding at Naruto, and Naruto was not having that attitude from someone who liked to consistently bleed at their carpets instead of going to check himself into Sakura's not-tender care.
Good news: getting fresh eyes to look at a formula was a possibility. Bad news: it was Naruto's not-yet-dead dad because the seal had transported them back in time.
It took surprisingly little to infiltrate Konoha--they were in the middle of a war (Naruto was really done with being drawn into the epicentre of every major conflict that happened in the past 100 years) and readily accepted two 'self-trained' shinobi after a surprisingly easy T&I Yamanaka interrogation--Naruto slapped a few seals on himself and Sasuke to blur and cloud whatever memories could've given them away. The both of them were quickly dumped into Chuunin ranks (Naruto laughed his ass off) since they showcased to be above the Genin rank, and no one had time to test them if they fit the Jounin rank.
Maybe that's for the best.
Step two was getting to Naruto's dad as inconspicuously as possible to ask some vague opinions on a very hypothetical seal that definitely doesn't exist, but let's imagine it does just for a laugh.
Getting closer with mom and dad by definitely accidentally bumping into them and then getting invited for a dinner was pretty nice. Mom was a force of will, strong and smart and like an uncontrollable fire; dad was awkward and throwing puns around until it was time to get serious, which is when he'd turn into a thunder that spread over battlefields.
Discussing the seal theory with them was an experience Naruto did not want to let go of. Naruto did not manage to experience this kind of battle of wits with Jiraiya since he died too early, but he was getting retribution in full now, throwing around hypotheses and ideas and having them bounced right back at him from excited Kushina or babbling Minato.
His work on the seal to transport him and Sasuke back to their original time was actively progressing, too. With any luck, it would be another week before they can try and use it--Naruto wanted to refine the formula so they don't end up in the Warring States Era or something, because Sasuke will not survive a meeting with Madara--or Madara won't survive a meeting with Sasuke.
The downside to all mentioned above? Minato and Kushina felt comfortable enough to start asking favors off of Naruto, and he was a sucker for them both, so he couldn't really deny them anything, could he?
Which is why he was stuck with Team Seven--the previous version of it--as a babysitter while Minato and Kushina were running a mission where both of them were required as Fuuinjutsu specialists. Naruto was just a Chuunin, so whatever knowledge he possessed wouldn't matter if he wasn't even allowed to do anything above a B-rank.
Yikes. If only they knew.
Sasuke was dragged in with Naruto by default because Naruto is not going to let the sad bastard sulk by ominously standing near the Uchiha compound--he is pretty sure Uchihas are about to ban Sasuke from ever getting closer to their walls than a hundred meters, afraid he was some kinda predatory maniac that stared way-too intently at little kids' faces.
Naruto proposed Sasuke would just go and talk to Itachi, who was just a tiny toddler with massive eyes and a shy smile, but Sasuke was an idiot and decided that projecting the sorrow of a hundred people was somehow better.
Team Seven was a challenge.
Rin was a nice girl, smart and with quick thinking. She needed to grow a backbone whenever Kakashi was around, but otherwise was a very proficient medic-nin for her age. Obito was a funny little guy--nothing like the maniac he'd eventually become--that tripped over his own feet, but he was way too nice for his own good, helping even those who didn't need any help. He was too loud, too bright, and sucked at lying--Naruto heard how Sasuke had snorted when they first met Obito in this timeline. Naruto had scowled because he wasn't that clumsy when he was Obito's age.
Kakashi--
Oh gods, Kakashi.
Kakashi barely reached Naruto's hip, SO TINY Naruto cannot believe he will grow up to be such a tall and lanky motherfucker. His mask looked ridiculous on a tiny face, and the oversized mop of hair on his head really resembled a scarecrow--good job, Kakashi's dad, for accurately naming your child.
Despite how fucking reeling Naruto was about Kakashi, Sasuke was absolutely Not having any of it. If Naruto saw Kakashi as a sorta stupidly suicidal older brother, Sasuke probably had feelings like Kakashi is his parental figure or something. Seeing him tiny and angry was weird.
Kakashi acted like Sasuke used to act, and it was the funniest thing ever to rile him up, and while Naruto knew bullying kids is bad, he's sure future Kakashi will forgive him.
Sasuke's hand that he was still holding on Naruto's nape relaxes, and Naruto tilts his head back to look at Sasuke and flash him a smile, ignoring a roll of Uchiha's eyes and leaning to give him a small peck on his cheek.
Obito makes a gurgling sound of disgust.
"Why is Minato-sensei not here again?" it's Kakashi's squeaky baby voice, and Naruto is still not over how much blackmail material he is getting every time he interacts with Kakashi.
"His mission is taking a bit longer to finish," Naruto shrugs. "Which is why we are here to do some missions with you guys again!"
Kakashi gives Naruto a look as if Naruto is some kinda disgusting-looking rotting fish someone had left on Kakashi's doorstep.
"But you're just Chuunin," and it sounds like an insult when it leaves Kakashi's lips.
Sasuke behind Naruto growls.
"Hey now," Naruto says to nobody and everybody at the same time. "Last time I checked, you're a Chuunin too, Kashi-chan. Don't have to be rude to your colleagues, alright?"
Kakashi seethes at the nickname as Rin raises her hand like a nice little student that she is, and Naruto readily moves his head to acknowledge her existence as well.
"Why are we doing a D-rank?" she asks and it's a fair question, considering all of these kids were Chuunin, and a team of three didn't really need the supervision of two other Chuunins, but Naruto was under strict orders to watch over the kids, and he had already run them through all kiddy training exercises he knew.
So D-rank it was.
"To keep you on your toes!" Naruto cheerfully supplies as Sasuke clicks his tongue behind him, clearly annoyed. "Also there's a lot of requests for assistance across the village. You all wanna do good for the betterment of Konoha, right?
Obito grumbles. Kakashi looks like he is going to rip Naruto's spine off.
Naruto kinda wants to go and scream into a pillow for solid two minutes, because how did dad--and Kakashi-sensei--deal with the disaster that was this Team Seven and the future one, Naruto has no fucking clue.
Kakashi stared at Naruto like he was this close to kicking him in the balls.
"We are Chuunin," he growled, which was kind of adorable if Naruto currently didn't want to yank the little shit by the collar and violently shake his tiny body in the air. "If you want them to do D-ranks, that's okay. I will do training on my own."
Naruto sighed. He turned his head to look at Sasuke for moral support, but the bastard was currently highly engrossed in looking at his nails.
"Kakashi-chan," Kakashi growled at that, "teamwork is an essential part of a team dynamic. I know Minato-sensei told you that before, and--"
"Yeah, Bakashi," Obito leered at him. "You will never make a Jounin if you don't know how to work in a team. Minato-sensei said--"
Kakashi bolted like a feral animal, fist going to connect with Obito's frightened face, knuckles digging deep into his cheekbone. Obito shrieked, falling to the ground, eyes already welling up with angry tears behind his goggles, and it took him maybe a second to dash forward--with a speed very much reminiscing his future counterpart--to topple Kakashi's much smaller form to the ground.
Rin yelled, pressing her hand to her mouth, but was very careful about not moving to the tangled mess on the floor.
Naruto battled an urge to just go and hide in his and Sasuke's Chuunin-issued apartment.
Naruto looks at Sasuke again, because teamwork was an essential part of romantic relationships as well. The bastard had the decency to finally meet Naruto's eyes, raise an eyebrow as if asking 'what are you gonna do about it', and continue being his most unhelpful self.
Never, Naruto had promised himself. He is never getting a genin team when they get back to the future. He is going to make sure to become Hokage as soon as possible and will avoid having to spend time with any children, ever.
Then he goes to pull shrieking children apart because he is nice like that.
-
"Naruto-sensei, I can't do this D-rank," Obito says after they had spent most of the morning going through the Kami-damn cat retrieval mission, and a weeding assignment.
Naruto blinks away from an arrangement of scrolls with various D-ranks because doing one would definitely not going to cover the rabid energy that was contained within Team Seven. He had picked ten missions instead, intending to do at least two-thirds of them, because Minato asked to babysit Team Seven for an entire day, and Naruto was intending to make it out alive by the evening--if Kakashi and Obito weren't distracted by doing missions, they started catfights--or dogfights--again, and Naruto was way too old for this shit, for all that he was the same with Sasuke back in the day.
"And why is that?" he asks, suspiciously eyeing Obito's anxiously shuffling form.
"Um," Obito raises his eyes up, then looks at the side, then looks back at the ground again, clearly coming up with an excuse. "I am allergic to water."
Which was not true, because Naruto had personally been there when Team Seven went for a swim earlier this week to supervise and make sure Obito doesn't drown Kakashi--or the other way around.
It would've been so much better if Obito was allergic to water, he thinks. They could've just used one Suiton during the war, and ended things much earlier.
"Okay," Naruto says slowly, looking around the BBQ restaurant's kitchen where Team Seven was supposed to do chores. "Kakashi will wash the dishes. You can help him dry them."
Obito makes a gurgling sound at the back of his throat, his eyes bulging behind his goggles. Rin, who was tasked with mopping the floors, looks up with a scared look, clearly already awaiting the amount of damage that broken plates could do.
"--on another note, I will wash the dishes," Naruto says instead, because leaving Kakashi and Obito next to each other in a kitchen full of sharp objects was, retroactively, the worst idea in his life.
Sasuke clicked his tongue from where he was perched on a counter, relieved from the task of mopping and washing dishes. Stupid one-armed bastard.
-
"Why do you look so much like Minato-sensei," Kakashi asks, but there is no question at the end of the sentence, just flat tone--if it wasn't for the sentence structure, Naruto would think it was just a plain statement.
Naruto fidgets with a flower--this was a mission to help assemble flower arrangements for some big wedding. He thinks about the not-question for a second.
"You see, I am his son from the far future that came back here by misusing Senju Tobirama's unfinished seal, and I am now trying to use Minato's knowledge to re-draw the formula and get back to my time to become Hokage before my other teammate snatches the hat from under my nose," Naruto deadpans, perfectly copying Kakashi's blank expression, staring at the kid that barely reached Naruto's hip.
Sasuke chokes on a breath behind him and goes to land a sharp jab with fingers on Naruto's spine--it takes great willpower not to hiss because that jab clearly rivalled whatever Gentle Fist Hyuuga techniques were. Naruto wouldn't be surprised to see that a chakra point was locked now somewhere near his ass or something.
"Hmpf," Kakashi scowls under his mask, cute little nose scrunching up in disgust.
He sharply turns around and stomps back to his own unfinished bouquet.
Naruto is both going to use every single interaction with mini-Kakashi for blackmail purposes and will beg Kakashi's forgiveness for being the same amount of a horrible child when he was a genin.
-
"Naruto-sensei, I can't do this D-rank," it's Obito again, clutching at his blue jacket.
Naruto moves his eyes from where he was drooling over the sight of Sasuke's ass in tight pants--they were helping the tailor shop to modify sizes for shinobi uniforms by serving as real-life mannequins to get more realistic proportions of toned shinobi bodies, and Sasuke was riled in to try as many combat pants as he could.
Naruto's sense of self-preservation clearly got tangled somewhere with whatever triggered an uncomfortable erection, because he is this close from just going and mushing his face into Sasuke's thigh right in front of a bunch of prepubescent children.
"Hnngh," he says very intelligently because Sasuke bends down to pick up another pair of pants from the floor and Naruto is currently experiencing the most uncomfortable boner he had since he hit puberty. "I mean, why is that?"
"My father had died and I cannot wear colours other than black. I'm in mourning," Obito says despite currently wearing a blue-and-orange jacket--also, Naruto was pretty sure Obito didn't have a dad.
He looks at big puppy eyes under the orange goggles.
Naruto sighs. He hates being a bleeding heart.
"Alright," he agrees and then shoots a glare at a very smug Sasuke who clearly knew what he was doing to Naruto's dick right now. "You can go and help Kakashi put on the new sandals prototype."
Obito groans and Naruto can hear Kakashi hiss where he was perched on a stool, clutching a blue sandal in his hand.
They can sort themselves out, Naruto thinks, erection an uncomfortable press in his underwear. He has Sasuke to bang somewhere in the dressing room.
-
"What is this," Kakashi not-asks again, glaring up at Naruto from under a silvery mop of his hair that Naruto was wary of ruffling if he didn't want his fingers broken.
"A book," Naruto answers long-sufferingly. "I know you're a smart kid--here's some more stuff to get even smarter. It's a really good description of people's anatomy! I'm sure that will help you find weaker points on the targets' bodies if you are more familiar with more vulnerable parts of human anatomy, right?"
He dangles Icha Icha in front of Kakashi's suspicious face.
Kakashi thinks for a second, his shoulders stiff, and then angrily snatches a book out of Naruto's hold, which he totally didn't need to be so forceful about. Naruto had just introduced a fantastic coping mechanism years before Kakashi will discover it himself.
Sasuke buries his face in his hand.
Shut the fuck up, bastard, Naruto tries to project with his face. He needs these children to calm the fuck down. If it means using drastic methods then Naruto will do so, because he will probably be this close to strangling someone--maybe himself--by the end of today.
-
"Naruto-sensei, I can't do this D-rank."
Naruto's shoulders slump as he nearly releases the hold on a leash, making Rin yelp where she was trying to wrangle her way through a million dogs they were walking.
"Why," it sounds more like a whine than an actual question at this point.
"I'm pregnant," Obito's eyes are projecting such innocence Naruto really wants to cringe at him.
How dog-walking and pregnancy had any connection, and why would being pregnant prevent Obito from holding a damn leash, Naruto didn't know.
"No," Naruto says, shoving a leash into Obito's hand. "And I don't wanna hear the reasoning behind that excuse."
Rin looks back at Obito with a sad face and it hits Naruto that these two ankle biters were definitely coming up with those excuses together--it's just that Obito was the one to vocalize them, while Rin was the mastermind behind the endless nonsense little Uchiha was spewing.
And Naruto had liked Rin, he really did. She was the calmest child of them all. He needs to reassess his ranking of team favourites, and quickly.
At least Kakashi was quiet and distracted for once, sitting in the pile of dogs with a bewildered face like a dazed puppy. That was good for him, Naruto had decided. Also, he really wished he had a camera or maybe a Sharingan to record that scene forever in his mind--Kakashi was unfairly cute right now, and it was doing things to Naruto's 'fuck children' philosophy he had adopted earlier today.
-
Sasuke drags Naruto behind a corner when Team Seven was having a 15-minute break.
"I need to talk to you about something," Sasuke says, eyes burning a hole in Naruto's face.
Naruto lets himself hope, just a little. "Are we having sex right now?" he asks, brightly smiling.
"No. I'm going to need to leave for a few hours."
"I'm going to kill you now," Naruto says, still smiling.
Sasuke rolls his eyes.
"I need to run an errand," he huffs, shoulders stiffening.
Naruto feels borderline-hysterical. "And leave me with them?!" he hisses out, trying not to be too loud to attract Team Seven's attention and make the horrible hell-gremlins seek Naruto out.
"I will talk to my parents," Sasuke narrows his eyes. "And Itachi."
"Oh," Naruto deflates a bit, and then goes to curl his fingers around Sasuke's tense wrist, tugging at him, landing a soft kiss at the corner of Sasuke's mouth. "Good luck then."
They stay like this for a few moments, Sasuke shifting his head for Naruto to get better access to press another kiss to Sasuke's chin, then to his cheek, then to his mouth again. They trade a few lazy kisses, too much tongue and wet heat, and Naruto only gets pushed away when he rolls his hips, heatedly pressing his pelvis to Sasuke's.
"Okay, yeah, no fucking in back alleyways, got it," Naruto manages to look a bit sheepish and Sasuke smiles at that--just a little curve of his reddened lips, cheeks coloured a gentle pink.
"Sex in the evening," Sasuke says, stepping back from Naruto. "If everything goes well."
"Alright," Naruto nods, watching Sasuke disappear in a whirlwind of leaves, leaving him alone with three tiny demons possessing the bodies of preteen children.
He readjusts his dick in his underwear, hoping not to be obscenely hard in front of Team Seven.
Naruto has a personal investment in Sasuke's success at talking to his family. That quick humping session in the changing room earlier today was not nearly enough.
-
"Not you again," Naruto breathes out, standing protectively in front of Team Seven, five other clones already closing in on White Zetsu.
It was their last mission for today--go out of the village and collect some bugs for the Aburame. Naruto did not expect to bump into a fucking evil plant of all things, because--what the fuck was Zetsu even doing here, this early in the timeline?
"Naruto-sensei?" asks Rin's tentative voice, the girl hidden behind Naruto when he had barked an order to stay the fuck behind him and not attempt any attacks unless Naruto says so.
"So you know who I am," Zetsu says, creepy white face showing a deep interest in Naruto as he circles the clearing, making Naruto spin around to keep his eyes trained on the plant bastard. "Very interesting."
"Eat my ass, aloe-vera," Naruto snarls. "We killed you once, and we will kill you again."
Zetsu looks even more suspicious, now.
Naruto lets Kurama's chakra seep out of himself, barking an order at the kids to duck the fuck back, and fall to the trees.
White Zetsu was killed by Sasuke, an Amaterasu-infused Susanoo arrow incinerating him in a flash of light. Naruto never got the satisfaction of destroying the stupid plant matter himself.
Well, that can be fixed now, Naruto thinks, easily slipping into Sage mode, Kakashi's surprised gasp a loud noise over an otherwise silent clearing.
If this alters the timeline, Naruto will get beaten up by Sasuke later, he thinks, landing a Rasengan-bright blow on Zetsu's ugly mug.
Which means no sex in the evening, either.
Fuck. Well, maybe it was for the best to stay in a deviated timeline where all important people were and will stay alive. Naruto will need to learn how Sasuke's meeting with his family went, later.
After he stomps all over Zetsu's stupid aloe vera remains.
Naruto lands a blow, and the world goes white.
-
Omake:
Naruto groans as he grinds his hips into Sasuke's, a hard line of his cock pressing hotly against Sasuke's pelvis. They moan, mouths hot against each other where Sasuke's tongue is insistently doing its best at fucking into Naruto's mouth, laboured breaths shared in-between the two of them.
Naruto pushes Sasuke in his chest, making Uchiha topple backwards, shoulder blades uncomfortably pressed into changing room's wall.
"Fuck, you're so fucking hot," Naruto whines as he rolls his hips again, humping Sasuke's hipbone. "What the fuck are you doing to me, you fucking bastard."
Sasuke huffs a small laugh, hand snaking into Naruto's pants where he squeezes Naruto's dick with his fingers, tightening the hold on Naruto's lower shaft to keep him from coming.
"The kids are going to hear you," it should sound annoyed when it leaves Sasuke's lips, but he is as breathless as Naruto is, head thrown back with a dull thump as it connects with the wall again, hips rolling in time with Naruto's desperate thrusts.
"Fuck the kids," Naruto moans, his own hand going to whisk Sasuke's cock out of his pants, finger pressing at his slit and making Uchiha groan. "Those fucking pants, Sasuke, fuck--"
Naruto is leaking precum like a fucking faucet, and he'd need to change his fucking pants before going out of the dressing room if he doesn't want to look like he had pissed himself. He dives for another kiss, biting at Sasuke's lower lip as Uchiha whines, eyes rolling backwards; he shudders through a silent orgasm, and Naruto can't fucking stand it--he feels his cock twitch and his balls draw up tight as he comes, muffling his groan by closing his teeth on Sasuke's shoulder, both of them shuddering through the aftermath of a mindblowing orgasm, limbs trembling and brains clouded.
They stay like this for a little bit, Naruto slumping over Sasuke, fingers still playing with Sasuke's cock before Uchiha whines and tries to move his hips away, overwhelmed with extra stimulation to his dick, come cooling on his skin.
"Put on other pants before leaving the changing room, usuratonkachi," he says and it sounds so fond that Naruto can't resist from content humming; he presses his lips to Sasuke's as they just breathe each other's scents, kiss less heated and more just trying to stay pressed next to each other for as long as possible.
"Aw, I love it when you care," Naruto taunts, and he earns a flick of Sasuke's finger to Naruto's oversensitive cockhead, hissing as he detaches from Sasuke's dishevelled form.
"Just don't wanna try to explain this to Yondaime later," Sasuke rolls his eyes.
He tucks himself in, zips up, and leaves like he isn't currently projecting 'I have just dry-humped another man in the changing room'.
Naruto sighs and zips himself up as well. There's an uncomfortable wet spot where his come is cooling on his clothes. He tugs on his blue Konoha uniform shirt and shuffles around. He will have to buy new pants if he wants to survive until the evening.