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Sisters
The sun in the Velaris sky was just beginning to set behind the mountains as Feyre, High Lady of the Night Court paced back and forth in her son’s nursery.
“I don’t know why I feel so nervous,” she said to Rhysand as he finished changing a squirming Nyx. “They’re my sisters. I see them all the time. Elain lives here.”
Rhys glanced back at her as he smoothly moved the bottle of ointment Nyx was stealthily trying to put in his mouth out of the way. “Because you care, because it’s important to you.”
She nodded and bit her lip.
The idea for tonight had been born out of an impulsive conversation over lunch at one of their favorite cafes along the Sidra a few weeks ago. Rhys, Cassian, and Amren had finished eating quickly and ran off to other meetings and errands leaving the three sisters alone at the table with baby Nyx. They’d been having a perfectly pleasant conversation about one of Elain’s gardening projects in the city when Feyre had begun to fidget. At the first break in a story about composting she blurted out “I would like us to try and do something. I want us to try and really be sisters.”
“We are sisters.” Elain frowned, “We’ve been getting along.”
“We’ve been nice to each other, that's not the same thing.”
“Well it’s an improvement on what we’ve been in the past,” Nesta said dryly.
Feyre shook her head, frustrated that she couldn’t quite express what she meant, “I know, but I want us to be sisters. Family, I don’t want us to be so...careful around each other. I want us to fight and laugh and support each other and disagree knowing that we won’t run off and never speak to each other again. We all have a long life ahead of us, if the Mother wills it. I know we can’t change the way we grew up but I’d like us to see if we could be the kind of sisters we maybe could have been if... if we’d been raised by someone else.”
Silence had fallen over the table, it felt traitorous to say it outloud. The amount of baggage the three of them held about their mother could fill the library in the House of Wind. With an advanced sense of timing, Nyx squawked and threw his stuffed pegasus to the ground. Elain smiled tentatively and Nesta folded her arms thoughtfully, “What did you have in mind?”
***
It had taken a lot of convincing by her mate for Feyre to agree to let Rhys take Nyx up to the House of Wind tonight for a males night. She had never been apart from him for more than a few hours and never at night.
“Just be careful when you’re flying with him, don’t go too fast and don’t let Cassian throw him in the air. And make sure all of Azriel’s knives are put away.” Feyre recited following Rhys around the nursery as he packed a bag.
“Oh so you DON’T want me to teach our 9 month old knife combat tonight. Noted.”
Feyre glared at him and he laughed, his violet eyes twinkling, “You do know I am capable of taking care of our son right?”
Feyre sighed, “I do know it. Oh and also make sure Cassian doesn’t give him solid food. He tried to give him a chicken leg last time. I think he was joking but I can’t be sure.”
Rhys grinned, “I will make sure Cassian knows of the consequences of crossing your territorial fae mother instincts.”
She stuck her tongue out and he pulled her to him, reminding her of the ways it could be put to better use.
***
Feyre had kissed her mate and son goodbye in the foyer, grinning at how adorable Nyx looked in his warm little coat that Mor had sent him from the continent.
She wandered into the river house kitchen, where she discovered Elain carefully putting the final touches on a delicious looking array of fruits, cheeses, jams, and spreads, arranged artfully on a wooden board.
“Elain, you didn’t have to do all of this! Nuala and Cerridwen made us a ton of food before they left for the weekend.”
Elain shrugged brushing crumbs off her apron, “Oh I know and we will definitely eat some of that too, But this was fun, I like doing it.”
Feyre sneakily grabbed a chocolate strawberry before Elain could swat her hand away. The doorbell rang and Feyre made sure her sweatshirt was chocolate free before rushing to answer it.
“Here,” Nesta said, thrusting an ornately wrapped square box into her sister’s hands. “The house sent you this, it’s chocolate.”
Feyre looked bemusedly at the box in her hands. “The house sent it?”
“Well the box showed up rather insistently in every room I’ve been in today. They can sometimes be annoyingly opinionated on the ways they think I should behave.”
“Well make sure you thank them for me,” Feyre smiled as she ushered her sister into the house.
Elain came into the room carefully balancing her trays of food greeting Nesta as she set them down on the sitting room coffee table.
Elain and Nesta’s relationship had been slow to rebound and for the last several months Feyre had found herself in the unusual position of being closer to both of them than they were to each other.
The three of them stood, feeling suddenly slightly awkward. “Well,” Elain said, dropping to a seat at the low table, “This feast isn’t going to eat itself.”
***
Feyre had assembled an array of juices and flavored waters to make mocktails and proudly presented each sister with their beverage.
Nesta rolled her eyes, “Just because I’ve decided that alcohol isn’t great for me doesn’t mean the rest of you have to change.”
“I know,” Feyre said enthusiastically sipping from her seltzer water, “But I don’t want you to think I HAVE to have alcohol to relax around my sisters.”
Elain waltzed over to the elegant antique drink cart in the corner of the sitting room and poured a glass of a dark liquid usually preferred by Rhys and Cassian before slamming it back in one shot. “Speak for yourself.”
She smiled as her sisters dissolved into giggles.
***
Nesta had just finished enthusiastically (and rather graphically) describing the plot of her most recently read romance novel. “I thought that position in the last chapter seemed a little unrealistic but Cassian didn’t have any trouble…”
Feyre squealed and slapped her hands over her pointed ears, “I really do not need the image of you and Cassian in that position in my head.”
Elain frowned thoughtfully, “I don’t even understand all of the angles.”
Nesta grinned, “Well maybe Feyre can draw you a picture of it.”
Feyre threw a strawberry at Nesta’s head which she caught and tossed in her mouth with a grin.
“So what have you read recently that you like?”
Feyre hesitated, “Well I mainly read reports from Azriel and Mor.”
“But you have this beautiful huge library,” Nesta exclaimed, “Which I will be raiding later by the way.”
“That was mainly for Rhys and Amren. Reading is just…it’s just something that’s hard for me to do for fun, it’s not..relaxing for me.”
Feyre shifted uncomfortably. She instinctively wanted to change the subject and push it aside. But hadn’t she asked her sisters to open up? For them all to be more honest?
“I have to read so much for running the court. New laws and plans for the city. Sometimes I still have to repeat things to myself, or look up a term I don’t know.” She fidgeted, twisting her ring. “It’s embarrassing, how silly is it that I can make wolves appear from the Sidra but sometimes need a dictionary to do my job. Shouldn’t there have been a magical spell to fill in all my stupid gaps?”
“Do you talk to Rhys about it?” Elain asked.
“No, but he knows, he’s annoying like that,” Feyre sighed. “He’s tried to bring it up a few times but he doesn’t want to force the issue. You know Rhys, he would hire every scholar in Prythian to tutor me if I asked. He knows it makes me feel… insecure, I guess is the right word and it upsets him. But Rhys is so smart and things just come so easily to him…”
“ You are smart Feyre.” Elain insisted. “You can size up any situation so quickly, you’re a leader, and you read people so well.”
Feyre flushed, “Cassian says I have street smarts.”
Nesta smiled thinking of Cassian’s own unfounded insecurities, “You two are a lot alike you know.”
“So are you and Rhys.” Feyre teased.
“I won’t dignify that with a response. If you could read anything for fun and didn’t have to worry about it, what would you read?” Nesta asked.
Feyre thought for a minute, “Ressina was telling me about a series of books where a mortal goes around Prythian solving murders. That sounded really interesting. When Rhys was helping me to read when I first came to the Night Court, he gave me some adventures and mysteries to read. I really enjoyed them. I didn’t know until later that they were for youths.”
“But that doesn’t matter,” Nesta interjected. “Reading is reading! Even if you read really boring plant journals like Elain.”
“Hey!” Elain exclaimed. “The Journal of Prythian’s Flora and Fauna is hardly boring!”
Feyre smiled tentatively, “Maybe I’ll try again.”
Nesta reached for her hand. “I’m sorry we didn’t teach you Feyre. I’m sorry you had to be embarrassed by that. We should have made sure you were taken care of, in lots of ways.”
“Mother and Father should have done that, for all of us. But thank you.”
“I used to be jealous of you,” Nesta confessed, "because you seemed free. You’d be rolling around outside getting dirty and Mother always had me doing something to better myself, but what I saw as freedom was neglect, Feyre. You were neglected, and I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” whispered Elain, reaching for her little sister’s hand.
“Maybe you could come to the bookstore and help me pick something out sometime,” Feyre offered shyly.
“Well,” Nesta smiled, “I would hate to have another reason to be dragged to a bookstore, but I guess I can suffer through it”
***
Elain had sprawled out on her back in front of the fireplace after eating one too many blackberry tarts. And perhaps having maybe one too many shots if she was being completely honest.
She rolled onto her side to observe her sister’s partaking in the House of Wind’s excellent taste in chocolates.
“The other night I went to Rita’s with Nuala and I overheard a table of fae males talking. One of them was talking about someone he had fallen in love with and how wonderful they were, and then he said how sad he was that he couldn’t pursue it because she had an unacknowledged mating bond with someone back in her village. All of his friends immediately agreed, saying it was too much trouble and not worth the risk. And they all just moved on to talking about something else.”
Nesta paused in the middle of braiding Feyre’s hair into a crown on top of her head. Neither knew how to respond to the sudden introduction of a subject their sister usually avoided at all costs.
“So those are my choices? The mating bond with a stranger or spending the rest of this life alone. No one else will ever want to be with me because of magic I don’t understand and never asked for?”
Feyre sighed, “I will admit that I have heard some males talking like that since I’ve lived here. I didn't know it was a commonly held belief with the fae, even in Velaris. But Elain that doesn’t mean there’s not someone else out there for you if that’s what you want. Not all males can think this way.” Feyre also privately thought that Lucien did not have to remain a stranger but she was smarter than to say that out loud.
“Maybe I should get a cat.” Elain mused.
Nesta cleared her throat, “I didn’t seem to have a problem finding company when I was avoiding Cassian...”
“No offense Nesta but I don’t want to have a one night stand with half of Velaris…”
“Don’t be a bitch Elain,” Nesta snapped, which made Elain guffaw and launch a pillow at her sister’s head.
“I mean, a FEW one night stands would probably be okay though,'' said Feyre with a sneaky grin.
“ANYWAYS, I’m not going to just wait around for someone, one of the reasons I've been reading my boring plant journals” Elain cut her eyes at Nesta, “is that I want to take botany and groundskeeping courses at the university. Rhys said he could help me apply. Now that I’ve planned so much of the river estate I want to learn from all of the experts. Is that…does that sound stupid?”
“Are you kidding? You will be great Elain, Rhys and I would have a very fancy house with rocks around it if it wasn’t for your talent. I hope you know how grateful we are.”
Nesta nodded her head earnestly, “I think that sounds incredible. It ALSO sounds like the beginning of the plot of Sellyn Drake’s novel The Professor and the Princess, so maybe you can kill two birds with one stone.” Nesta shrieked as Elain wrestled her to the ground while Feyre laughed.
***
“When do you start training again with Cassian?” Nesta asked, popping a grape into her mouth.
“Monday morning,” Feyre replied, “It’s time to get back in fighting shape. I’m not looking forward to how much he’s going to make me pay for my so-called vacation.”
“Maybe I will join in,” Nesta grinned.
“Mother save me.”
“Elain,” Feyre ventured, “what do you think about joining me? We're going to do it in the training ring here so I can have Nyx nearby. We could wait until you’re done with your early morning gardening.”
“No thank you,” Elain said immediately as she drizzled some balsamic glaze over a hunk of cheese and studiously ignored them both.
“What about self-defense,” Nesta tried, “Just some training to help you defend yourself if the need should arise. Azriel is really good at teaching…”
“I don’t want to learn anything from Azriel right now..” Elain stood up abruptly and turned her back to her sisters as she stared out the windows.
Nesta and Feyre glanced at each other.
“Okay,” Nesta soothed, “Then us, or Cassian, or Rhys, whoever, we’d all be happy to teach you.”
Elain shook her head and crossed her arms, “I’m not a warrior, I don’t want to be one.” Elain was kind and gentle but she had always possessed a hidden stubborn streak and it was now in full force.
“We’re not trying to make you into one!, we’re trying to keep you from getting hurt,” Nesta argued, getting exasperated.
“No one makes Amren train. She doesn’t have any powers anymore, shouldn’t she have to learn self-defense?”
Nesta laughed, “Well if you would like to have that conversation with her you go right ahead but I’d take the self-defense training first.”
“Please Elain,” Feyre persisted gently. “Unfortunately being a part of this family puts a target on your back. I don’t want you to change, I love who you are. I just want you to have some options if something happens. It will help both of us sleep better at night.”
“I am not a child, I don’t need to be treated like one.”
“Then stop acting like it and get your ass in the ring!” Nesta yelled, finally losing her temper.
The silence built as they glared at each other, while Feyre slowly reached for a macaron without taking her eyes off them.
“Fine,” Elain huffed, “You win, but I am not wearing leather and you can’t make me.”
“Deal,” her sisters replied in unison.
Elain sighed deeply, “I don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want to slow you all down when it’s time. I guess I was just avoiding it.”
Nesta frowned. “When what is time?”
Elain froze as if realizing she had spoken out loud. “Oh nothing,” she said lightly, “just you know if something happens.” She settled herself back down in front of the cheese and took a big bite as if to keep herself from divulging any more secrets. Elain was a lot of things, but a good liar was not one of them.
“Elain,” Feyre said urgently. “Have you had more visions recently?”
Elain shoved a piece of bread in her mouth.
“Damnit Elain, you have to tell us,” Feyre flared. “They could be important, we need to plan..”
“And this is exactly why I don’t want to! I don’t know what I’m doing! I don't know what they mean. You all fly off the handle trying to interpret my visions and someone could get hurt. You think I want to be responsible for that?”
“What was the vision?” Nesta interrupted quietly. “You gave in about the training for a reason, Elain, what was it?”
Elain threw up her hands in surrender. “The three of us, we use the trove against Koschei, the crown, the harp and the mask. There’s a battle. But it’s the three of us who meet him.”
“When?” Nesta breathed.
Elain shook her head, her curls glinting in the firelight, “I can’t tell you that. Except that I think we’ll know. We will know when it’s getting closer.”
“And the vision hasn’t changed? Feyre questioned.
“Always the three of us,” Elain repeated. Sometimes one of us bears a different item from the trove but it’s always us three alone who end it.”
Feyre stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the lights of Velaris. She turned back to Elain. “Do we all make it?”
Elain tilted her head thoughtfully, “I haven’t seen us die. But my visions never show me everything. Always a part of the picture. Glimpses.” she looked down at her hands. “I wish I could give you more.”
Feyre looked down at a storybook that sat on the side table by the window, immediately thinking of the nights she’d eavesdropped on her mate reading to their son, curled up in the enormous leather chair. “We can’t tell Rhys yet,” she whispered.
“Or Cassian. ” Nesta said firmly.
Feyre closed her eyes in full knowledge of her hypocrisy. How many times had she railed at Rhys to fully include her in every decision, brief her on every threat. Now she was considering keeping him in ignorance, the same way he’d tried to do with her dangerous pregnancy. But she pictured the last few months, how much joy Rhys had taken in Nyx. The wonder that filled his star flecked eyes every time Nyx made a new sound. Couldn’t he have some peace? For just a little while? Didn’t he deserve that after all he had given. She felt the instinctual mate bond rise in herself to protect him at all costs.
She turned and faced her sisters, decisively in High Lady mode. “We don’t know anything for sure. They will go crazy trying to find an alternative. We will know when it’s time to tell them.”
“And if they won’t let us go?” asked Elain calmly.
Feyre considered. “Rhys and Cassian understand war. They know what it is to make hard choices on the battlefield, to use the best resources at hand. Even if it’s us. I believe we’ll be able to convince them when the time comes. I’ve done it before.”
“But in the meantime, we spare them the dread and speculation.” Nesta confirmed.
Elain nodded and then looked at Feyre with a grim smile, “Bet you wish you’d had a few shots now.”
Feyre couldn’t disagree.
***
What had started as a search for something that Elain could feasibly wear for self defense training had devolved into a full on dress up session in Feyre’s room.
Elain had emerged from the walk-in closet dressed in the high lord’s black shirt and pants with her hands in her pockets waggling her eyebrows, and Feyre and Nesta fell on the bed laughing until they cried.
“I honestly expected to see 30 pairs of sweatshirts and leggings in here.” Nesta commented as she put on her third tiara. She’d adorned herself in enough jewels to make Amren look understated.
“You’re just hilarious,” Feyre deadpanned.
Rhys had insisted on designing a closet big enough to house her utterly ridiculous collection of gowns and jewels. While Feyre blushed at the ostentatiousness of it she couldn’t deny it made getting dressed for formal functions much easier.
Elain ran into her room and returned with the fluffiest most pastel gown which Mor had given her for solstice. It was essentially a cupcake and Elain had tried very hard to not take offense at Mor’s impression of her fashion sense. “Come on Feyre it’s your turn.”
It took all three of them to shove down the layers of taffeta around Feyre’s body. They laughed at each other until Feyre looked at herself in her floor length mirror and her face slowly fell. “Help me get this off please” she whispered, trying to remain calm as her skin paled.
Nesta and Elain sprang into action and helped to remove the gown while Feyre struggled to control her breathing They ended up ripping the bodice in their rush to free their sister. “Sorry” Feyre said as she angrily dashed at tears with shaking hands. “That was so stupid.” She tried to still her racing heart, frustrated that memories could still claim her like this.
Elain shook her head, “ I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t realize.”
Feyre felt a gentle, deliberately casually knock at her shields. Everything okay? Rhys asked.
I’m fine, it was stupid, I’ll tell you later.
She picked up the monstrosity of chiffon and shrugged her shoulders sheepishly, “I’m fun at parties.”
Elain hugged her from behind, “On the plus side, you just gave me an excellent excuse to get rid of that abomination without hurting Mor’s feelings.”
***
Although they all had beautiful and spacious rooms of their own at the river house, after changing into their pajamas they found themselves lounging in Feyre’s bed as it was much larger.
“I hope you and Rhys changed the sheets.”
“Don’t be gross, Nesta.”
Suddenly Feyre got that far away grin she tended to have when Rhys was talking to her through their bond.
“No guys allowed Feyre.” Elain reminded her.
“Nyx pooped on Cassian and it made him gag and then that made Azriel gag.”
Nesta rolled her eyes, “Hopefully that will cure a little of Cassian's baby fever, I swear he gets broody everytime he holds Nyx.”
“He’s not pushing it is he?” asked Elain curiously.
Nesta shook her head “Oh he knows not to push me until I’m ready but he just gets this LOOK in his eyes. That’s what Feyre and I get for mating with ancient males with their fae biological clocks ticking.”
Feyre laughed, “Well in my case I can’t blame Rhys, Although I do admit that I had a moment of panic when the reality of my pregnancy sank in, everyone told me it would take so long so I wanted to get started and then bang.” She sobered, “I honestly sometimes feel a little guilty about it, so many of the parents who come into the studio had to try for decades and decades or have friends who’ve never been able to have children.”
Elain stared at the ceiling, “I really do want children someday. I always have. But I hope I can be a better mother than we had, like you Feyre.”
“Why didn’t she love us, do you think,” whispered Feyre. “I mean I don’t think she hated us, but she didn’t love us the way a mother should.” Elain froze and looked at Nesta helplessly.
Nesta shrugged. “Maybe she couldn’t.”
“I just, I can’t understand,” Feyre said. “I look at Nyx, and I would do anything for him. I would move mountains.”
“So would we.” Elain murmured.
“We will never be able to answer that question but I know this...I know I love you Feyre,” Nesta said, grabbing her hand. “And I love you Elain.”
“I love both of you,” Feyre replied, smiling curling up under the covers.
“I love you both,” Elain whispered snuggling into Feyre’s side, “Even when you annoy the hell out of me.”
They smiled and felt the pull of sleep as they arranged themselves under the soft blankets, so much more luxurious than anything they’d known in the mortal lands.
“Feyre stop hogging the covers”
“I’m cold!”
“Both of you shut up.”
They giggled, whispering secrets and gossiping quietly as one by one they fell asleep beside each other.
Nesta on the left, Elain on the right, and Feyre in the middle.