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“Hey, you looked gorgeous tonight. Thank you.” Returning from a brief bathroom visit Even loops a pair of strong, warm arms around Isak from behind and he slouches back a little into the embrace, sagging as he shifts his weight onto Even.
“Mmm,” Isak murmurs as Even’s lips brushed his neck. “Maybe this couple's costume thing isn’t so bad; you look hot in armour.”
“And you wear my God costume far better than I ever did. My Juliet.” Isak giggles and squirms slightly as the kisses behind his ear become more insistent. He’s just the right side of tipsy for everything to feel a little ticklish. The graze of fingers down his sensitive sides makes him look down at the repurposed white tunic that forms the body of his costume and that Even is now making short work of removing, peeling it off and flinging it into a corner before draping himself back around Isak. “Very hot.”
“What can I say? I’ve got the figure for tights,” Isak smirks.
“You have. And those wings of yours were amazing. I was half expecting you to turn up in some shitty costume shop fairy wings but those things were solid. Were they heavy? Can I try them on?”
Isak has to take a half step to stop himself stumbling and his back feels suddenly cold as Even peels away, clearly looking for the wings that had earned more than one glowing compliment at the party. He should have realised this moment was coming; Even had been eyeing them up all night to the extent he’d even offered to swap them for his sword.
“Um, about that.”
“What?” Even looks up from his position on the floor by their bed where he had clearly been about to dive underneath in search of the missing accessory. It’s a fair guess; there aren’t many places in their room to hide something of that size and Even, now that he’s got the idea in his head, seems determined in his hunt.
“Can you just, sit down.” Even hops up onto the edge of the bed, looking at Isak in clear concern. Isak squirms under the attention, nervously scratching at one elbow and starting to regret ever saying anything. Maybe he should have gone for deflection or distraction after all. Too late now though, Even is clearly waiting for him to continue. “I kinda need to tell you something. Well no, not need to, but I want to. Only it’s not exactly easy. Or normal.”
“Isak, you don’t have to tell me anything. Whatever this is, you’re clearly not comfortable. But whatever it is I’m the last person that’s going to judge you for it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Isak lets out a little snort. “You say that, but…”
But this is Even. The love and affection in his eyes is clear to see. Even has bared his soul to Isak in the past and now seems as good a time as ever to place his ultimate trust in Even. Besides, he’s tired of hiding. Tired of lying by omission.
Isak drops his arms, shrugs his shoulders out, takes a steadying breath…and unfurls.
He keeps his gaze steadily on Even, watching as his eyes get impossibly wider. A mirror to the wings he knows are steadily growing behind him until they frame his whole body, the sleek lines visible above his shoulders and past his sides as he holds them at rest against his back like a feathered carapace.
“The fuck? What are you?” Even breathes out, his voice little more than an awed whisper.
“I guess the closest I can get is…angel?”
“An angel.” Even’s mouth is practically agape.
“Sort of. I’m a little hazy on the semantics of it myself. I don’t think there really is a word for it. For me.” He knows he’s babbling but Even is just staring and it’s more than a little unnerving. “You’re taking this very well, all things considering.”
“I’m not gonna lie, I’m definitely verging on freaked out. I mean, I’ve just found out my boyfriend is an actual, literal, angel. With wings.”
“Not really an angel,” Isak tries to protest.
“Can I…Can I touch them?” The request is so hesitant. Softly made. Nervous.
“You’ve been touching them all night, babe,” Isak tries to bring some of the lightness back to the evening. His revelation isn’t going terribly but he can tell Even is still one wrong move away from a nervous breakdown.
“I know,” Even groans. “But that was before I knew they were, well, real. It doesn’t feel right to just touch them without permission. So?”
“It’s okay. You can.”
Isak turns slowly, gradually exposing his full back to Even. He has to be careful not to knock anything over, even folded in on themselves the wings are sizeable, the tips extending to somewhere near the back of his knees and their apartment is not the biggest. Behind him he hears the unmistakable sound of Even shifting and standing and then gentle hands are on him, slowly caressing in the direction of his feathers. The touch is light, reverent, caring in the way that only Even is with him and Isak can’t hold the breathy little hum of pleasure at the feeling. Noone has ever touched him like this before; it’s yet another first he gets to share with Even.
“You like that?” A careful kiss is placed on the base of his neck, in the exposed gap between his wings.
“Mhm. Feels good. You always feel good.”
As wonderful as it is to have his boyfriend’s hands roaming in a way that feels impossibly intimate, Isak knows this isn’t about him tonight. He’s just sprung a major bombshell on Even, trusted him with his deepest secret, and he needs to reassure himself that Even is okay. That they are okay. Because if he’s misjudged this in any way he knows he’s going to need to…well…he really hopes he hasn’t misjudged it.
Turning back around slowly until they are toe to toe, Isak takes both Even’s hands in his, slowly rubbing his thumbs over the backs. Even’s lips are still a little agape but he’s no longer looking completely terrified which Isak can only take as a good sign.
“So, are we good?”
Even hums reassuringly, even if his eyes are still rather wide, and Isak feels a little of his own nervous tension melt away. He leans forwards gently in order to press a kiss to Even’s lips before pulling back again.
“I’m guessing you have a few questions right now.”
“Just a few. It’s not every day you find out angels are real. Have you always had…those?” He nods towards the wings still visible over Isak’s shoulders.
“Yes, and no. The wings appeared when I was 13, along with the knowledge of what I am. Until then I just thought angels were stories in the bible. Still do, really. As I say, I don’t know that angel is really the right word but it’s the best I’ve got.” Isak shrugs, causing his feathers to rustle, and he becomes suddenly very conscious that he’s still just stood there in the middle of their apartment, shirtless, and with his wings out. It’s a weird feeling after spending so long keeping them hidden. “Actually, do you mind if I put them away?”
“They're your wings, Isak, I’m not going to tell you what to do with them.”
“I really need to stretch first though. Sorry about this”
“Umm, sure. Go ahead.”
Isak hates having to let go of Even but the tension across his back is starting to mount and there aren’t many places in the apartment he can stand and let out his full span. Carefully taking a few steps to the side so he is in the middle of the room Isak allows himself to just reach. And so he stretches, extends his wingtips to their widest span, his primaries reflecting the lamplight and giving his wings an almost metallic sheen. He knows they’re impressive. At rest his wings are a sight to behold but spread out behind him in all their glory, they are awe inspiring. He holds them there, enjoying the satisfying pull across muscles that don’t get flexed nearly as often as he would like. When his wings are away there is nothing to notice but having had them on display for most of the night his body is craving the movement.
“Holy fuck, they’re magnificent.”
Isak can’t help but smirk a little at the praise. His wings are nearly two metres of raw power at full extension and it doesn’t hurt that carrying them makes his pecs pop out and his abs tense as his muscles work to hold his core strong against the pull of them. He stands there, letting Even drink his fill, with eyes wide and lips slightly parted, until Isak needs to choose between either flapping or putting them away and as their apartment really isn’t big enough for him to just wave his wings about he reluctantly folds them back into his body, feeling the familiar tingle as the feathers melt away and his back smooths over again.
“So are they invisible?” Even asks, walking back around Isak and sliding his hands over Isak’s now bare shoulder.
“Not really.” Isak frowns, then moans slightly as Even’s smoothing turns into more of a shoulder massage, his strong fingers kneading at Isak’s tensed up muscles. “They just sort of disappear. I mean, I can call them out again whenever I want. They’re there, but they sort of aren’t.”
“Eloquent,” Even snorts. “How does it work when you’re wearing clothes? That tunic should have been shredded.”
“I don’t know,” Isak whines, wiggling his shoulders to try and get Even to work on a particularly deep knot. “I didn’t exactly get given a handbook when it all happened. They don’t affect my clothes though. It’s almost like when I call them out the wings become more real than the fabric so they just slide through somehow.”
It’s been a long night and Isak is getting tired of standing around so he reluctantly drags himself away from Even and flops face down on the bed with a groan. Thankfully it’s barely a moment later before Even follows him, laying down beside Isak and pulling him in close.
“I’m sorry. This is all just a lot to take in. I don’t mean to pry or make you uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay,” Isak sighs. “You’re not. And really I’m the one that should be paying more attention to how you feel. I’ve just sprung it on you that I have actual goddam wings and you’re worried about me feeling uncomfortable. You could have run out screaming or turned me over to the authorities to be prodded and poked in some hideous lab experiment. I need to know you’re okay with this so ask me whatever you need. I just can’t guarantee I’ll know the answers.”
“Does anyone else know? About you.”
“Just Jonas and Eskild. Jonas has known almost from the beginning. Mum let him in one day as she was going out and I didn’t realise he was in the house. He barged straight into my room and, well, saw me. He freaked out a bit…”
“Understandable.”
“But then he was cool with it. He’s Jonas. He’s chill. He made it a lot easier to deal with, having someone else who knew. We’d go on trips out of the city, head out at the weekends to places where noone would see, just so I could stretch out.”
“He’s a good friend. Why on Earth would your Mum risk exposing you like that though?”
“You think my Mum knows about this?” Isak snorted. “She might be my mum but as far as the whole angel thing goes my parents are more of a foster family. Sure they created the human part of me but this body is then sort of a host. From what I can gather angels can opt to come to Earth, we’re born like normal, and then at 13 there’s this flood of consciousness and understanding. Plus the wings. It’s like the angel part is dormant before that. It’s a bit of a nightmare really. Most boys at 13 only have to deal with popping accidental boners in gym class, I also had itchy pinion feathers and moulting”
“You moult?”
“Yes, Even, I moult. Every damn spring. The first year it happened I didn’t realise until Mum found feathers in my bed; she thought I’d been conducting satanic rituals or something. I got dragged to church every evening for a week to pray for my immortal soul.”
“And how did God take that?”
“I don’t know if God exists, I’m an angel, not a fucking theologian. But I know there is no way in hell I can let my Mum find out about this. You are only the third person to know about this and the first I’ve actually told voluntarily.”
“Then I feel honoured you trust me with this. So what happened with Eskild?”
“The night he found me having my big gay crisis it wasn’t just my emotions I had trouble controlling. One minute he’s rubbing my back, the next I’m hurling in a bush and he has a fist full of feathers.”
“Wow.”
“Thankfully he mostly just felt sorry for me. I mean, I was a mess that night. My Dad was gone, my Mum was in the middle of a particularly rough episode, I thought I’d screwed things up forever with my friends, and I was trying to drink myself into oblivion in some dive of a gay bar that didn’t care I was underage. I think he’s the angel in all this. He calmed me down enough to hide my wings, then scooped me up, took me home and promised to look after me until I hit 21.”
“Why 21? What’s so special about that?”
“That’s when angels can go back. I was so angry and closeted and alone. All I was doing was counting down the time until my turn here was over and I could leave.”
“You’re…leaving?”
There’s a wetness to the question. A raw vulnerability that has Isak, half asleep as he is, jerking awake, his eyes seeking out Even’s and his heart breaking as he spots the telltale signs of tears in the corners of Even’s eyes. He draws Even closer, wrapping his arms tight and nuzzling his head into Even’s chest.
“I’m not going anywhere, baby. 16 year old me couldn’t wait for all this to end. I was in a bad place and couldn’t see how it would get better. Life is different now. My Mum is doing better, I’ve got my friends, and most importantly I’ve got you. I must have chosen to come here for a reason and when I hit 21 and get to make my final choice I’m going to be getting rid of these wings so fast. It used to be a comfort, not being alone and knowing there was something else out there for me but now I can’t wait to ditch all this angel shit and go offline. Be fully human.”
“Offline?”
“This is, fuck, this is like deep metaphysics stuff but angels aren’t normally physical in the same sense as humans and there is a sort of collective hive mind thing. It wasn’t just the wings I gained at 13, there was also this vast connection thing.”
“So all your thoughts are connected?”
“Kind of. We are still individuals but there is like this well of knowledge too. It’s how I know what I am. I wasn’t visited or anything. Noone came and explained what the hell was going on. I just went to bed aged 12 with nothing more important to worry about than if I was getting the trainers I wanted for my birthday and woke up aged 13 with this weird understanding. And wings.”
“Doesn’t that freak you out? Having other angels in your head?”
“Sometimes. Weed dulls it. Allows me to feel like my own person. Less watched. It does make school really easy though.”
“So that’s why you’re always so keen to smoke.” Isak hums his agreement, the weed really does help him disconnect. “If you have this collected knowledge though, why are you such a shit cook?”
“Oi!” Isak swats at Even in annoyance. “What part of ‘not really physical’ didn’t you get? Angels, full angels, they don’t eat.”
“Well that sounds shit.”
“I know. Can you imagine? Your scrambled eggs wouldn’t have worked on me if I didn’t have this mortal body.”
“So, uh, speaking of this mortal body; what is going to happen when you’re 21?”
“I’ll stay human. From what I can gather I’ll no longer be part of the hive mind and I’ll lose the wings.”
“Will you just forget it all?”
“I honestly don’t know. The angels that don’t go back aren’t connected up any more so I don’t have access to their thoughts. I think I’ll have memories, a bit like having photos from a holiday but not still living it. My body has still had these experiences. I know I’ve flown over the forest with Jonas. I know I’ve had this night with you. There’s photos all over insta of the pair of us tonight and those can’t just be wiped out. I think I’ll always know what I was and that I chose to give it all up.”
“That’s if you still feel this way if the time comes.”
“Even, how you make me feel is more wonderful than anything the angels have to offer. I’m staying.”
“Good. But Isak-”
“Hmm?” Isak looks up to see Even grinning at him.
“No matter what happens, you’ll always be my angel.”