Chapter Text
The first time it happens, Emily was sure that come morning, he would regret it. That when he kissed the air from her lungs and she tasted the scotch and the heartache on his lips, that she would stop him. She tried to half-heartedly, when she saw the manilla folder containing his signed divorce papers on his desk.
“Hotch what are you doing?” She mumbled against his lips as he pressed her against the door of his office, her hands pressing against his chest as she stared up at him. When he opened his eyes to look back at her, she could see nothing but determination and heat in his dark orbs.
“Forgetting.” He told her honestly, his voice dark and stoic as always, but there was something else lingering there, almost a pleading in his tone and honestly, in that moment Emily probably would have done anything to help him. So she nods, giving him the permission to keep going, to press her harder against the wood, to let his fingers tangle in her hair as his strong thigh pressed against her center.
“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about this?” He whispered against her ear and she forces herself to hold back her moan as she shakes her head. Her head falls back against the door with a quiet thud and he takes advantage, kissing and nipping at the soft skin. She can smell his cologne; it’s clouding her senses and blurring her already hazy brain.
“Tell me.” She moans as her hands pushes the jacket from his shoulders, then goes for his belt.
“Since that first day you walked into my office, I wanted to fuck you right then and there.” He growled and this time Emily’s moan couldn’t be contained.
He fucks her right there against his door, her skirt hiked up around her waist and his pants shuffled down to his feet. It’s frantic, hard and fast, Aaron using her to forget that Haley left him and Emily using him to get off like she hasn’t in months. That she’s actually head over heels in love with him she doesn’t dare to think about. There’s nothing romantic about it, nothing gentle about it either, it’s teeth and marks and grunts and when it’s over Emily simply pulls her clothes back in order, ignores that she can’t find her thong and leaves without another word.
She’s sure that tomorrow he’d regret it, when the hangover hit and he realized what had happened, he’d either ignore that it happened at all or they’d have a very awkward conversation.
But he surprises her, calls her into his office first thing in the morning when she arrived at work the next day and when the door closes behind him she prepares herself for the conversation she does not want to have.
“I believe these belong to you?” His voice is dark but laced with a teasing tone and when she turns to look at him he’s holding up her black thong with an arched eyebrow.
“Thanks.” She snatches the garment from him and tries to ignore his smug smile as the flush creeps up on her chest.
He takes another step closer to her, close enough that if she took a deep breath her chest would grace his, and she’s immediately overcome by the memories of his lips and touch on her body.
“Would it be alright if we did that again?” Her eyes widen almost comically at his question and he easily adds “Sometime.” He doesn’t take his eyes off hers and for reasons she doesn’t want to think about she nods tentatively.
“I guess that would be okay.” She says then, finally relaxing as she realized that they would be okay.
“Good.” He brushed away her some hair from her eyes “You left so quickly I never got the chance to say thank you.”
“Anytime Hotch.” Her eyes flutter closed as he gently presses his lips against hers.
When she leaves her boss’s office, she briefly wonders if she just agreed to be her superiors fuck buddy. Emily forces away every thought screaming at her that it’s a horrible idea, and instead focuses on the fact that her underwear is already uncomfortably wet, just from a simple touch and kiss.
****
It happens semi regularly after that, Aaron coming to her and they lay tangled in sheets as he maps out her body with his hands, makes her vision blur and body strain against his touch. She feels her heart ache every time he leaves but she can’t bring herself to stop him when he kisses her, when he looks at her with soft eyes and whispers her name. If this was all she would get from him, then it would have to be enough, she reasons.
She loves him and she is smart enough to know that in the end all this will end up in ruin. But when he holds her close and looks at her like she’s the only woman in the world she finds that she doesn’t care. It’s enough because even though he doesn’t love her like she loves him, he makes her feel alive in a way she hasn’t since before Ian Doyle. She doesn’t dare to think about him either, so instead she focuses on Aaron’s hands on her body, his teeth marks on her skin and wills herself to forget.
Then George Foyet attacks him and Aaron’s world crumbles and he doesn’t come to her for heated kisses and pleasure anymore, but comes to her for comfort as she stays up talking to him at all hours of the night. She helps him as he heals and listens to him talk about Jack and Haley and how much he misses them. She feels how her heart breaks for the man she’s so in love with that it hurts as his heart breaks for everything he couldn’t give another woman. But it’s okay, because she’s helping him and that’s all she wants.
The first time she comes to him they’re in Oklahoma City. It’s also the first time since the attack. Up until that point their trysts had always been after he sought her out, but tonight she can’t help herself. She hadn’t been able to get him out of her head since he tackled Earl Bulford to the ground and then turned to her only minutes later with a smug smile.
“What?” He asks as he start to walk back to the car.
“Nothing.” She shakes her head, forces the flush of arousal inside of her to calm before she starts to head back as well. She had always been attracted to power, that still hadn’t changed she realized as she sat next to him in the SUV, her heart beating wildly in her chest and a heat inside of her that caused Aaron to wink at her knowingly.
So she comes to him, knocks on the door to his hotel room after making sure that everybody else had gone to bed. She’s on him before he’s even fully opened the door. Attacks his lips and pushes him back against the bed roughly as she rids herself of her shirt, quickly followed by her pants and underwear.
She realizes that this is the first time she’s the one taking charge, and he lets her. She knows it won’t be for long so she relishes the moment, but doesn’t take more than a second to think about it. Not when he’s touching her in all the right ways and looks at her with such intensity that she thought she’d combust right there and then.
She rides him to her first orgasm, lets him fuck her into her second. When he forces her onto her hands and knees she forgets the rest of the world as she comes crumbling down for a third time, this time dragging him with her and he bites down on the back of her shoulder to keep himself from groaning too loudly.
“So…” He strokes along her spine, watches the goosebumps he creates on her skin as she lays on her stomach, head turned towards him.
“So…” She shudders but makes no move to get away from his touch.
“Violence turns you on.” It’s not a question but a statement and Emily realizes that there’s no way to hide it. He’s the best profiler she knows, he probably already knew that piece of information about her.
“Sometimes.” She says instead, not giving into him completely but enough to let him know that he’s right. “With the right person.” She tries to ignore how a certain blue eyes Irishman flashes in her mind. And how every time she’d watch him threaten or hurt another man she’d end up pressed against him as he wrung pleasure from her body. It’s too dark for Emily to think about, that part of herself, the part she fears so much. So instead she forces a small smirk on her face as she watches Aaron as he puts a few strands of hair behind her ear that had fallen over her face.
“I’m glad I could be of service to you this time.” He jokes and she laughs at that. She had always enjoyed his dry sense of humor; it was one of the first things that attracted her to him.
“It’s good to know that we’re still good at this.” She doesn’t add ‘since your kid and ex-wife are in hiding and I know that it’s killing you’ that she wants to, it would kill the light mood he’s in. She slowly starts to rise from the bed, she knew that she couldn’t spend the night. This wasn’t that kind of thing.
“Dare I say, we’re getting even better?” He sat up against the headboard and she tried to ignore how good he looked with his tousled hair and strong, bare chest. Even now, with healed scars, flawed and broken, he’s still gorgeous.
“Definitely better.” She got dressed quickly, left with a swift kiss to his lips and sneaked back into her own room. She tried to ignore the way she could still taste him on her lips, how she smiled as she thought about him, how her heart beat just a little bit harder because she got to have him again.
****
Haley died and for months everything seems to stop. She watches as he grieves, watches as he slowly starts to find a balance to his new life. That doesn’t mean it’s easy.
She comes to him late one night, a bottle of scotch in her hand as she once again, spends her night talking to him. She realizes that he doesn’t really talk to anybody but her and it feels selfish to think that maybe somewhere deep down he feels something besides want for her. Haley died and Emily still finds herself thinking that maybe Aaron would want her. It’s selfish and stupid, so instead she focuses on helping him, on being the friend he needs.
It becomes something that happens regularly, she’d spend the night in his apartment sleeping on the couch and she lets him grieve, talk, cry, whatever he needs from her in that moment.
Then one night he kisses her, it’s the first time in months. The first kiss since before Haley’s death and it catches her of guard. They had just been watching a football game, Jack was asleep in his room and Emily had just sat down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and then he kissed her. It’s soft and gentle and it makes her inhale sharply because he’s stroking her cheek in such a tender way and looking at her with something she doesn’t dare to think about.
“I’m sorry.” He starts to pull back “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.” He’s just about to get up but her hand on his shoulder stops him.
“Don’t be.” She pulls him closer to her again “It’s okay.” She says softly, her own voice sounding foreign to her before she kisses him again and immediately he relaxes into her touch. She almost tells him that she loves him then, but in the end she doesn’t have the courage.
Wordlessly he leads her to his bedroom and she lets him. She’s silent as he undresses her, her own hands finding the buttons and zipper on his clothes and when she finds herself looking up at him once they’re in bed she sees that thing in his eyes, soft and warm and it’s scaring her. She kisses him then, lets her tongue sneak into his mouth to touch and she hears him groan softly against her.
It’s slower this time, gentle touches and exploring lips. It’s the first time it’s not heated, where getting off isn’t the only goal. It feels different this time as well, but she forces those thoughts aside. She might love him but he doesn’t think of her that way she reminds herself.
They move together like they hadn’t ever done anything else. Hands finding hands and lips finding lips as he moves slowly on top of her. When she cums she buries her head against his neck and she can hear her name fall from his lips. Then she’s on top of him and she grinds against him in slow circles. When she mumbles his name in a pleading tone he cums inside of her.
She tries to move away from him but his hands on her hips stop her. She looks down at him with questioning eyes.
“Stay.” He doesn’t say anything else, but his grip doesn’t loosen and so she lays back down on his chest. She swallows down the emotions and intrusive, confusing thoughts as she feels his warm skin against hers, his lips against the top of her head.
She’d stay as long as he’d have her.
****
They were driving back from another interview, another case. Emily sat quiet in the passenger seat as she watched the world go by. She couldn’t shake the feeling of unease as she thought back to the unsub, how his eyes had lingered on her, how she swallowed down the bile in her throat as she flirted right back with him. She was angry at Aaron for making her do that, even angrier at herself that it still came so easy to her. It was nothing out of the ordinary, they needed information that only a sexual aggressor could give them and Aaron hadn’t been successful, so she had to do it, she knew she had to do it. But today it seemed like the nausea just wouldn’t let up, the sinking feeling in her stomach making her feel too heavy for her body.
There was a time in her career when flirting with a serial killer seemed out of the question, now she barely even batted an eye. Then she thought back to Karl Arnold, Paul Davies and countless others where she had flirted just as a means to an end. Ian Doyle’s face flashes in her mind, his hands on her body still vivid memories even though she’s tried to forget, and she shakes her head slightly in a vain attempt to clear her head.
“Are you alright?” Aaron asked as his eyes drifted from the road and to her quickly at her sudden movement.
“I’m fine.” She said softly and ignored the feeling of his eyes on her. She wouldn’t look at him, because she wasn’t sure if she would be able to control her emotions if she did.
“You did great work in there. I know that it was hard for you.”
“Thank you.”
They stopped at a red light and she knew it was coming before he even opened his mouth.
“Emily, look at me.” It was a command, softly spoken, but a command nonetheless. She didn’t, not until his hand was on her thigh.
“What are you doing?” She pushed his hand away, they didn’t do this, this was too intimate. After that first night after Haley’s death everything had gone back to what it was before. Heated kisses and rough touches. Sometimes Emily found herself wondering if that night had ever even happened at all.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Drive, it’s green.” She sighed and turned away from him again.
The rest of the car ride was silent and tense.
****
He came to her that night, an unsure look on his face that let her know that he didn’t really know if this was the right thing to do.
“You’re not fine.” He told her when she didn’t open her mouth to speak, only stood in the doorway with her arms crossed her shoulders pushed back. He didn’t walk inside her apartment until she wordlessly motioned for him to. She was glad that he gave her a choice, being pressured into things had never been the way to get through to her. He knew her well enough to know that.
“What makes you think that I want to talk about it?” She followed him into the living room and watched as he sat down on the couch.
“Did I push you too far today?” He asked as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of him like he was praying.
She doesn’t answer him, only looks away which is answer enough and she could hear him take a deep breath.
“Emily I’m sorry, but it was the only way to get through to a creep like that.” He stood up and walked towards her, when she still didn’t look at him he gently gripped her chin and lifted her head, coaxing her to meet his eyes.
“I know.” She said after another few seconds of silence. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
She doesn’t realize how close they are until he’s moving his hand from her chin to her cheek and strokes it softly and she feels herself leaning into the touch.
“Should I go?” He whispers and she can feel his breath on her face.
“No, stay.” She takes his hand that had been stroking her cheek in hers and tugs him with her up the stairs, doesn’t say anything as she guides him into her bedroom and starts to undress.
She has flashbacks of that night in his apartment as he slowly runs his hand over her body, his slightly calloused fingers soft against her skin, his kisses full of passion and something else, that something else that she doesn’t want to think about.
“Hotch…” She tries to speed it up, tries to get back to what they’re used to but he doesn’t let her. He takes her hand and kisses her knuckles, then up her arm. His lips are so delicate as they travel up her skin and his eyes that stays on hers are gentle and so dark they look black in the dimmed lights of her bedroom.
“Don’t fight it.” He whispers once he reaches her shoulder and it’s enough for Emily to just succumb to him. She lets him lead her to her bed, makes sounds of appreciation as he worships her body with his lips, tongue and touch.
She wraps her arms and legs around him, keeps him as close as possible as he thrusts inside of her. He kisses her when she cums around him, swallows up his own name as she trembles and when he cums not long after, she doesn’t let go of him.
Aaron effortlessly rolls them around so she’s on top of him but he keeps his arms around her, holds her soft body against him.
“I don’t want you to go.” She whispers against his chest and she’s sure that she can hear his heartbeat speed up.
“Then I’ll stay.”