Chapter Text
The following is a series of excerpts taken from informal, non-confidential GAR commlogs.
ALL
Commander Gree:
The top three milestones every shiny must pass:
Surviving their first battle.
Painting their armor.
Hearing their Generals curse for for the first time.
Commander Ponds:
The first time General Windu said "fuck" in front of me I almost died on the spot.
ARC Fives:
the 501st is officially substituting number three for "being bitten by the commander"
The best CC batch (ft Rex)
Wolffe:
[video]
[Video Description: The text "everything wrong with our Jedi", followed by a series of headshots of various Jedi Generals with accompanying text. First is Plo Koon, with "nothing <3". Then Aayla Secura, with "simp immune". Then Mace Windu, with "old". Then Qui-Gon Jinn, with "deadbeat". The format changes for the last one. It's a grainy video of an unidentified, helmeted clone trooper with 501st blue paint. A blur drops from the ceiling and tackles them to the floor. It's Ahsoka. The text reads "rabid".]
Fox:
Everyday I thank the force that Chancellor Amidala is normal.
Ponds:
YOUR JEDI IS OLDER THAN MINE
Wolffe:
ok and
Bly:
Leave Aayla alone.
Wolffe:
"Aayla"
Ponds:
"Aayla"
Fox:
"Aayla"
Bly:
I hate you all
Rex:
Ahsoka is NOT rabid
Wolffe:
Rex DISrespectfully what inspired this video was one of your ARC's little comments on the main tab where he said that she bites everyone.
Rex:
I'm going to kill Fives
Wolffe:
Does she bite people, don't lie to me
Bly:
So Rex can call HIS Jedi by her first name but when I do it I'm harassed??
Wolffe:
Rex is a babysitter you're a simp
Cody:
...I'm staying out of this one.
The best CC batch (ft Rex)
Rex:
How to murder one of your ARCs: tips and tricks?
Cody:
Rex no
Rex:
Fives taught Ahsoka curse words.
Wolffe:
BAHAHA
Wolffe:
C'mon Rex, let her curse, she deserves it
Rex:
No
ALL
Captain Rex:
[image]
[Image Description: A grainy selfie of Ahsoka. She's doing a peace-sign.]
Captain Rex:
Stole Rex's commlink, whatever shall I do with it?
ARC Echo:
Send weird messages to people.
Hardcase:
Hide it somewhere he won't find it!!
ARC Fives:
EAT IT!!
Kix:
...Give it back??
The best CC batch (ft Rex)
Rex:
You guys ever eat a bug?
Wolffe:
NO??
Wolffe:
Rex what the fuck
Fox:
You disgust me
Wolffe:
WAIT
Wolffe:
Wait a minute
Wolffe:
COMMANDER TANO
Rex:
eep
ALL
Captain Rex:
Whoever snitched on me to Rex is getting it axxcnawkdjsz
ARC Fives:
Hello?? Still alive??
The best CC batch (ft Rex)
Rex:
I got my comm back
Rex:
Ahsoka was hiding in the vents and I had to chase her out with a broom
Fox:
So you don't eat bugs?
Rex:
what
Rex:
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE
ALL
Captain Rex:
This is Rex, order has been restored and my comm is back in my possession.
ARC Fives:
Dammit
Captain Rex:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "DAMMIT"
The best CC batch (ft Rex)
Wolffe:
Rex! Good news, I have found the solution to the Ahsoka stealing your comm problem
Captain Rex:
Wolffe you are five doors down we are on the same ship why are you messaging me
Wolffe:
One sec
Wolffe has added User ID: "Ahsoka" to the chat.
Wolffe has changed the chat ID to: "The best CC batch (ft children)
Rex:
NO
Rex:
WOLFFE I DO NOT NEED HER EXPOSED TO YOUR POTTY MOUTHS
Ahsoka:
Rex I spend time with the ARC twins.
Rex:
And I am still actively plotting Fives' murder
Fox:
GROSS
Fox:
WOLFFE NO CHILDREN IN THE CHAT
Wolffe:
Shhhhh it will be funny watch Rex
Rex:
Do not watch Rex, I'm trying to steal the comm Wolffe gave Ahsoka so I can destroy it
Ahsoka:
noooo
Wolffe:
Let's vote to decide if Ahsoka can stay! Yay or nay! I vote yay!
Rex:
No vote, she's MY responsibility.
Wolffe:
V O T E
Rex:
...Nay?
Fox:
Nay, no children in the chat.
Bly:
Yay, why not.
Ponds:
I've never met her, I abstain.
Cody:
Yay
Rex:
CODY??
The best CC batch (ft children)
Ahsoka:
@Cody come get ur General he's giving me a headache with all his pacing
Cody:
He's with you?
Ahsoka:
unfortunately
Cody:
What's he doing??
Ahsoka:
pacing outside the medbay. im like, fine. nothing i havent dealt with before
Ahsoka:
ok maybe the amnesia is slightly new but im FINE
Wolffe:
Sic a medic on him while you wait for Cody to come get him, that'll probably make him leave you alone
Ahsoka:
he's not in the medbay, i can just hear him
Ahsoka:
why does nobody ever seem to notice how fucking LOUD they are rex and co figured out my hearing so quickly but these grown adults are all STOMPY STOMPY STOMPY and they YELL
Cody:
Alright, I'm on my way to come get him
Ahsoka:
thanks cody loaf u
Rex:
Did you just say you have amnesia??
The best CC batch (ft children)
Ahsoka:
tell me why when i was in the ships freshers earlier today i heard someone singing country music
Wolffe:
what
Ahsoka:
i didnt see who it was, it was too awkward
Wolffe:
That's hilarious, you tell Rex?
Ahsoka:
he's sleeping
Wolffe:
You're not?
Ahsoka:
Rex can't yell at me about not sleeping if he's asleep hee hee hee
Wolffe:
General Plo can, I'll go get him one sec
Ahsoka:
WOLFFE NO WHY
Wolffe:
Rex can read these messages I'm not going to let him yell at me for letting you stay up past your bedtime
Ahsoka:
fine, FINE. I'm off the chat, goodnight, Wolffe
Rex:
Ahsoka you think I can't read past messages?? You're in so much trouble.
Rex:
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PUT THE RADIO IN THE REC THAT'S THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS
Wolffe:
The 501st has a RADIO??
Rex:
Ahsoka got it, Force if I know where she found it though, so I'm no help
Ahsoka:
hi Wolffe, found it broken pretty bad in this abandoned city after a bombing run. it was going to be trashed but i decided to try fixing it up
Rex:
AHSOKA
Ahsoka:
yes??
Rex:
WHY WERE YOU AWAKE
Ahsoka:
Wouldn't You Like To Know Old Man.
Fox:
Hahahahaha
The best CC batch (ft children)
Wolffe:
Hey, Ahsoka can I get some Rex blackmail from you.
Cody:
Wolffe shut the fuck up right now
Wolffe:
What
Wolffe:
CODY WHAT
Private Messaging
Cody:
Mission went bad, she's MIA, presumed KIA.
Wolffe:
Oh my fucking Force.
Cody:
Rex is taking it as well you'd expect
Cody:
Which is to say he punched the General then locked himself in his room
Wolffe:
Wait he PUNCHED a Jedi??
Cody:
General Jinn didn't even really fucking respond though, so
Wolffe:
Damn, if word spreads that's how he responds to getting hit he might find himself with a line
Wolffe:
I know at least my General will be in it
Cody:
WOLFFE
Wolffe:
Ok, ok, deleting the message
The best CC batch (ft children)
Fox:
Officially need to take the "We traded weird bullshit for asshole senator bullshit" talk off of the speech for incoming shinies, thanks 501st.
Rex:
FOX WHAT WE'RE NOT EVEN PLANETSIDE RN
Rex:
THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN BLAME THIS ON ME
Fox:
But it is your fault.
Fox:
Chancellor Amidala gave me a nice thing of bourbon when I lamented this to her tho so thanks Chancellor
The best CC batch (ft children)
Ahsoka:
I lived bitch.