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Jay was not in the best mood. In fact; he was in pain, he was agitated, and he really wanted to run onto the deck and just scream at the top of his lungs for the sole purpose of screaming.
But he couldn’t do that, not when the team was in the middle of board game night; a night they had once a month to make sure they spent quality time together. It was the day when they got to be kids and when they got to forget that the balance of all good and evil in the world rested on their shoulders.
Normally it was a blast and Jay got really into it—purposefully working to screw Kai over every turn he had was sometimes more fun than the games themselves. But he was not in the mood for it tonight.
Or, his body wasn’t in the mood for it.
blink blink blink
Jay grimaced and mindlessly began shuffling the cards in his hand.
blink blink blink blink blink—
He bit his lip, his hands moving faster and faster as he shuffled his—
blink… blink…
The corners of his eyes began to twitch… this little buzzing, as if someone had switched a flip and his eye couldn’t stop spazzing out. Jay had to hold himself back from simply falling on his face and yelling.
He could feel how tense he was—with his stiff shoulders that rose to his ears and the way his fingers were curling around one another—he could almost smell his own desperation to suddenly stand up and walk ten laps around the ship. First Spinjitzu Master, he was annoying himself.
blink blink blink blink blink—
Jeez, when did it get so loud in here? Did everyone have to talk so loudly? Could no one wait their turn to speak? And sure, that was rich coming from the guy who talks the most and has the loudest voice on the team, but still —everything was too loud.
Instinctively, he started to hold his breath—breathe in that little bubble in his stomach, the one created for air when he suppressed. Why was he even holding anything in?
Everything was too freaking loud—
It was all happening so fast: the noise, the bubble, swallowing back any of his stupid little chuckles…
It was then that his shoulder decided to jerk—to roll back real slowly, as if to make sure he felt every second of the pain and agony that accompanied it.
Ugh, really? Now? That tic had been getting so much better too with help from heated massages by Kai and the physical therapy tips from Cole (he hurt his shoulder while dancing once when he was younger and had to attend physical therapy for a few weeks—he still practiced the exercises daily).
No, this was Jay’s worst tic—the most persistent, agitating, inconvenient movement that got worse as his stress grew. And, honestly? Jay didn’t even have any reason to be stressed today! So why his body decided today was ‘make Jay suffer’ day, he had no idea.
Another excruciatingly slow shoulder roll and Jay was just angry.
That’s it—he needed a second away from… everything. “Guys, I’ll be right back,” he announced, dropping his cards and jumping to his feet. “I have to go to the bathroom!”
It was a lame excuse—the team knew each other really well, so there was no way that they wouldn’t be able to see through his cheap lie. But they let him go—they could probably tell he needed the space to calm himself (well, more like his body) down. He shuffled out of the room and made his way towards the team’s shared bedroom, closing the door behind him.
Once he was alone, he began walking in tiny circles. It was a soothing motion for him, something familiar and relaxing; like waves on a ship. Besides, if he were to return to game night soon, he’d have to get rid of that nervous jumpiness bubbling inside him.
Honestly, it’s not like he didn’t want to be there because he did! He wanted to return as soon as he possibly could! Game nights were his favorite, so he should’ve been having fun. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t having fun because his body wanted to implode without actually imploding and it was ridiculous!
After the third circle, he heard the inevitable knock at the door, and as he turned to debate whether or not he should answer, the door slowly opened and Cole’s sheepish face popped into view.
Jay resisted the urge to face palm—of course it was Cole. it was always Cole, ever the worrier that he was.
“Hey, babe, is it okay if I come in?” he asked tentatively, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, as if he didn’t know that Jay would never turn him away.
Jay nodded, taking a seat on Cole’s bed and patting the spot next to him, his foot beginning to tap restlessly against the ground.
“Bad day?” Cole sat beside him, making sure to leave just enough space in between them to ease Jay’s frazzled everything.
Jay sighed. “I don’t know. Today’s been a good day. I’m just… stressed,” he tried to explain, frustration creeping in his tone and fists clenching.
“Why?”
“Ugh, I don’t know that either. I really have had a good day, I’m not actually stressed about anything either, it’s like… it’s like my mind wants me to be stressed! Everything was fine until I started blinking!”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Cole said. He paused, eyes widening. “Am I too close? Do you need me to move some more? I know it was crowded in there and that probably stressed you out and—”
Jay couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “I wouldn’t have patted the spot next to me if I wasn’t comfortable with you sitting by me, Boulder Brain, and it’s not like you’re up close and personal right now… although, thanks for asking.”
Cole beamed at him, his eyes lighting up, and Jay’s heart fluttered because First Spinjitzu Master Cole had such a pretty smile, and wow, Jay could get lost in his eyes forever.
“You know, you have such— are you kidding me?” he screeched as his flirtatious comment was interrupted by his tics forcing him to blink fiercely multiple times in a row.
“Was it the eye contact?” asked Cole, smile dropping instantly. “Because I won’t look you in the eyes right now if that makes it worse!”
“No! I want to make eye contact with you, babe!” protested Jay because it was true! Cole was the one person whose eyes Jay felt like he could look into without getting tense and nervous. But Cole just raised an eyebrow in response, and Jay had to be honest. “Okay you’re right: eye contact is making it worse.”
Cole smirked at him.
“Hey, don’t give me that look! I was complimenting you!” he nudged his shoulder, then proceeded to blink a few more times along with a neck twitch. “Ugh! My stupid tics ruin everything! All I want to do is make eye contact with my boyfriend, but no! Can’t even do that!” he pouted, crossing his arms and huffing (once, twice, three times…).
There was silence for a moment before Cole spoke up. “Were you suppressing during board game night?”
“You know me too well,” he said dryly, running his hands through his hair.
Cole sighed. “You know you don’t have to suppress in front of us, babe. You aren’t annoying.”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t trying too,” he replied, jerkily shrugging and blinking a few more times. “It just… happens sometimes. And my body just got so overwhelmed with all the noise and—”
“Is it okay if I touch you?” Cole interrupted him, chewing nervously on his bottom lip.
Normally, that would be a “no”. But this was Cole and he was stressed and right now, he wanted nothing more than to hug and be hugged by Cole.
So, he nodded.
blink blink blink blink blink—
Cole grabbed Jay’s hand and held it loosely, tapping mindless patterns onto his palm. “I love you no matter what. I love you for your excessive blinking,” he said, bringing his hand up to his mouth and kissing his knuckles. “I love you for your neck twitches.” A kiss on the neck. “I love you for your tapping and your rubbing.” Two kisses pressed against his shoulder and thumb. “I love you for that adorable little laugh.” Another kiss, on the lips, this time.
Jay felt his cheeks flush with every word Cole said, and the redness just grew each time Cole’s lips grazed his skin.
“I love the way you laugh and the way you can’t ever sit still, I love the way you make little noises when you’re restless, I love the way you rock back and forth when you sit, I love the way you move. I love it because it is you. It is wholly and completely you And I love you.”
Jay was silent for a moment before wrapping his free arm around Cole and pulling him close, planting a kiss on his lips. “Thank you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against Cole’s, leaning closer and closer until the tips of their noses touched. “I love you too, Dirt Clod.” He brought his free hand and placed it gently on Cole’s cheek—letting it trail slowly down his face.
It was moments like these—these intimate, quiet moments—when Jay felt like he could breathe again. When everything felt easy and like he was just a kid and Cole was just a kid and they were living and loving each other and that was that.
He (reluctantly) broke apart then rolled over to the other side of the bed. “Now come cuddle with me,” he demanded, wiggling his eyebrows (and blinking blinking blinking).
Cole rolled his eyes, but was still smiling widely all the same. “How about we cuddle after I tell everyone that we’re turning in for the night? Don’t wanna leave them hanging.”
Jay groaned as Cole pushed himself to his feet and walked away—he didn’t want Cole to leave the room, even for a minute. He wanted to be greedy and hoard time alone with Cole. “You’re too nice to them!” he called after him.
He could vaguely hear the muffled sound of Cole’s voice through the Bounty walls, followed by some suggestive whooping from, presumably, Kai, Lloyd, and Nya. A minute later Cole returned, shaking his head but laughing quietly, and laid down next to Jay, instinctively extending an arm out for him to rest his head on.
Jay adjusted his position a few times until his head was comfortable where it lay, then reached his own arm out to run his fingers through Cole’s hair, giggling when Cole began to hum happily at the contact.
“Hey, I just wanted you to know that everyone understands and they suggested having game night next weekend instead, if you’d want,” Cole whispered, leaning into Jay’s touch as if he were a cat.
There was no doubt in his mind that Cole was the one to suggest it—Cole was always really thoughtful like that—but of course everyone would agree. They were a team—no, more than that. They were a family; they were brothers and sister and they looked out for each other, even in the most simple and mundane circumstances.
“I would really like that,” he replied, maneuvering himself until he was close enough to press a kiss on the back of Cole’s head. “Thank you.”
Laying here with Cole, with the rest of the team willingly staying out of their bedroom so he could gather himself, is when he felt the most relaxed and the most safe. Being close to his favorite person always made his tics calm down, not to mention Cole always knew how to help him out if they were bad enough. Gosh, Cole really did spoil him.
In fact… despite the fact that he was still ticcing (it never really went away), the severity of his tics had decreased dramatically. They were much more lethargic now, much more manageable. It was amazing what just a little bit of love could do for the human body.
He glanced over at Cole who’s eyes were closed, a content smile resting on his face, and Jay’s heart was overflowing with love and pure happiness. He always said that Cole looked especially cute when they cuddled (his happy hums as Jay ran his fingers through his hair only made him more adorable), much to Cole’s chagrin. But no matter how much he tried to deny it, it was true.
Once again, he shifted so that he was closer to Cole, who seemed to be nearly asleep at this point, and gently kissed his cheek. “I love you too, babe.”
And with his body and mind at ease, Jay too fell asleep.