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Robin’s hair smelled like honey, still. Even with that dip into the Upside-Down. Nancy let her head fall back against the car window and inhale it all, that grounding smell - of Robin’s arm pressed up against her side, Robin’s hair just brushing her neck, the low murmurs of a group up way past their bedtime. Of course Robin probably shouldn’t have been the person grounding her at this point. But the guy whose job it was to comfort was thousands of miles away, probably high off his ass.
And maybe Nancy shouldn’t be getting as pissed at Jonathan as she was for that. It’d been difficult for all of them. But still - no visit, not even an explanation over the phone. From the beginning it’d been her and Jon. How was he supposed to predict this is what would happen on your spring break? Whatever. It was easy to ignore this budding issue in their relationship and instead focus on whatever was happening with her and Robin. Robin, who snooped around her room and teased her for the clothes she wore. Robin, who Nancy’d been almost a hundred percent convinced was dating Steve. Even if Robin had swore up and down there wasn’t anything between them - platonic with a capital P, apparently.
Maybe there really wasn’t, considering the layout of the car. Eddie had taken the passenger seat in unspoken agreement. Steve, still shirtless beside Eddie’s jacket, drove. Robin was passed out beside Nancy, the girls squished together as the kids took the back of the car. If there’d really been something going on Robin would’ve fought harder for the passenger. But she didn’t - in fact, she was very willing to let Eddie take her usual place by Steve’s side.
They arrived in a heap at Steve’s front porch, who promised no parents until Tuesday morning (at the earliest). Nancy breathed in the smell of cleaning supplies and freshly cut flowers on Steve’s dining room table, a familiar sight that had her taking in a deep breath and avoiding the windows looking out onto the pool. Her legs, feeling as useless as they had been since being yanked back out from Vecna, wobbled like a baby deer’s. Distant thuds around her told her the kids were passing her and heading into the kitchen, talking louder now that they were in the clear of the house. She rubbed her eyes and took one step going up the stairs.
“Do you need help, Nance?” Steve asked. She looked down and saw concern in his eyes. He reached out to loosely link their fingers together, nothing romantic - a comforting touch is all it was, Steve being a pretty touchy-feely person. She squeezed them and tried to smile. From the look he shot her, it didn’t work.
“It’s fine, Steve,” She said, voice a quiet, raw mumble. Somehow it embarrassed her, to sound so meek, so she looked down at the carpet and toed the frayed lining with her destroyed sneakers.
“You sure?” Steve wasn’t convinced. She was about to repeat herself, surely quieter than before, when the smell of honey wafted past her nose. Robin was behind her on the stairs, hopping up two at a time.
“I can take care of her, Harrington,” Robin said over her shoulder. “Us ladies can help each other out, right?” Nancy looked up at her and smiled, thankful for the escape. Not that she didn’t want Steve’s help. It’s just - him plus his house was too much. Too much for the recently unearthed memories of that night.
“Yeah, yeah. Thanks Steve, but Robin’s got me,” Nancy agreed. She dropped Steve’s hand, leaving him to hold onto the banister. Eddie passed Steve as Nancy headed up the stairs again. The two exchanged a wordless look before Steve tried one last smile at Nancy and then disappeared into the kitchen.
And then it was the two of them - Robin and Nancy. Nancy wandered past the slightly ajar frames she’d memorized years prior, unchanged. Little Steve on his second-grade baseball team. The family on a trip to Orlando. Steve and his grandmother. The frames were not elaborate, simple black wood, but Nancy trailed her finger along the rims all the same and let herself be coaxed back into the world by the touch. Robin was in front of her by a few steps, humming something to herself - an older song, perhaps. Deep in Nancy’s mind she knew she’d heard it somewhere. The humming was nice, like a motor or a ceiling fan. With every step the urge to fall asleep right there grew stronger.
“Do you want to go first?” Robin turned to ask and upon seeing Nancy swaying in place, leaned forward to hold onto her. Robin’s hand, chipped nail polish and calloused fingers, circled Nancy’s upper arm and kept her there. The smell of honey was almost unbearable, how close she was. With her bangs in her face Robin looked a little like Jonathan and that comparison made Nancy’s stomach swirl anxiously. Robin opened the door to the bathroom, walking the two of them in. The way she held Nancy there, gripping her arm like Nancy was about to fly through the ceiling again, made Nancy want to laugh. Like she was some invalid.
Robin kicked the door closed behind them and moved Nancy to sit on the toilet, the bathroom small but fashionable. Dimly Nancy remembered a night spent in here, brushing her teeth with Steve’s toothbrush. He’d tossed it out since. The handle used to be a pale blue, but now it was red. Maybe that meant something, in a poetic way. Robin leaned on the counter and watched Nancy try not to fall apart.
“We can wait, if you want,” Robin offered. Nancy looked up at her and smiled in the way she found herself smiling at Robin even when the worst was happening - tight-lipped, fond for a person she’d met hours before. As if Robin had been someone she’d known forever. Nancy ran a hand through her bangs and tried to ignore how sweaty they were.
“No, no, it’s-” Nancy laughed an empty laugh “-I just. It feels like I can’t stand. I’m worried to take a shower. I’m worried to, to take a breath.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” This was a question none of the group had offered since Nancy came out from under the spell. They’d all turned away, assuming she wouldn’t. And the idea of talking through what happened had seem unimaginable in the car, but now. In front of Robin and Robin only, Nancy found herself opening her mouth.
“I saw Barb,” Nancy said. She looked away. Another dim memory: Robin and Barb had been friends once. The memory was correct, if Robin’s auditory hiss of pain was any indication. “In the pool.”
“Maybe this wasn’t the right place to go, then,” Robin joked softly. Nancy laughed, leaning on her hand.
“No, I - there was nowhere else, I get it. But still,” she let out a breath “it is super weird being here when, like, an hour ago I was having a nightmare I was back here again.”
“You know she wouldn’t blame you,” Robin said. Nancy shook her head, rubbing her upper lip.
“How do you know?” Nancy said. She couldn’t bring herself to say yes, she would because although Nancy knew it, somewhere deep in her heart would shatter if she admitted out loud.
“Because I knew Barb,” Robin affirmed. A hand tentatively came into Nancy’s view, hovering as if asking permission. Nancy nodded and Robin rested her soft hand on Nancy’s thigh, exposed skin where her pants had torn. The skin-on-skin contact felt so unbelievably wonderful and terrible all at the same time Nancy could do nothing else but let out a pained sob.
“I knew Barb,” Robin said again. “And so did you. And you know she’d never, for a second, blame this on you.”
“Yeah?” Nancy said. She was crying fully now, feeling the tears coming through onto her fingers but furiously wiping them away. Robin’s other hand came up to her cheek, holding it softly and letting the tears fall onto her hand instead.
“Yeah. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you -” Robin started, then stopped. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m shit at comforting people.”
“No, no, it’s,” Nancy shook her head, but not so rough that Robin would have to let go of her cheek. Because Robin’s hands, warm like toaster strudel, felt so so nice. “It’s nice to cry.”
“Oh, good,” Robin said. It was such an awkward response Nancy couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out and over, looking up at Robin’s pink-cheeked and astonished expression. It just made her laugh more. “Do you-you do want to shower, now?”
Nancy could feel the request she really wanted to ask on the tip of her tongue, but it felt so out of place and so strange she almost tucked it away. But Robin was so wonderful-looking, with her hair sticking to her skin and her brown eyes watching Nancy like they’d come together as two colliding galaxies. So she whispered:
“Can you shower with me?”
Silence. Robin’s hand dropped a little, most likely from shock.
“I’m sorry.” Nancy was quick to retract. “I’m sorry, stupid question. I just, I don’t want to be alone in water, and I can barely stand-”
“No, no it’s fine!” Robin spoke so quickly Nancy could hardly hear what she’d said exactly. “Yeah, um. We can shower together.” Her voice squeaked at the end and she whipped her head around, blushing furiously into her hands.
“Okay,” Nancy said. She started to shimmy out of her sweater and that brief moment of the heat trapping her felt so nice. It’d been so cold in the Upside-Down. He likes it cold , that’s what Will said, right? Maybe they should take a scalding shower just to fight it off. The sweater fell to the floor and Nancy looked up to see Robin with her back pressed against the door, eyes darting anywhere but Nancy’s chest.
“What’s up?” Nancy asked, eyebrows furrowed. Robin swallowed quickly, took a deep breath, and made eye contact with Nancy.
“I have to tell you something before we do this,” Robin said, again very quickly. Nancy nodded expectantly. Robin wrung her hands out as she spoke,
“I. Um. I like girls. So. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Not that I’ll be looking at you like that! Not that you aren’t pretty. That’s not what I’m saying. But I’m not, like, a gross boy or anything, I’m not gonna just stare at your chest I know that’s not why we’re doing this-”
“It’s okay,” Nancy laughed, cutting Robin off before she could spiral herself out of the bathroom and back downstairs. “I don’t care.” Robin’s eyes got wide.
“Oh,” Robin said, and it was so shocked Nancy laughed again. God, she was cute when she made that face. Another thought to add to the pile of confusing, mixed emotions that’d been erupting in the past few hours. “Okay. Sure.”
Nancy stood to unbutton and take off her pants. After a few seconds, Robin did also. She took off her jacket first, hanging it neatly on a hook off the back of Steve’s bathroom door. Nancy pretended not to watch Robin take off her shirt, how neatly she did it - slowly pulling the shirt over her head. Her bra was a dull pink, probably older, and the clasp pressed into her freckled back. Okay, Nancy guessed there was no more pretending not to watch. Robin’s hand came around to unhook her bra, baring her back and all of its glorious freckles. Nancy remembered she had to do the same - so she did and tried not to let her face get too hot.
As her back was turned towards the sink and the mirror, holding her arms to her chest over her boobs protectively and checking her curls for damage, Robin turned the shower on.
“Yes, rich people heating systems,” Robin laughed, sticking her hand into the water. “I hope you’re cool with burning your skin off, because that’s what I feel like doing right now.”
“No, I feel the same,” Nancy laughed. It was silent and a slow realization dawned on both girls that it was time to actually get in the shower. Nancy turned to Robin, at first embarrassed and then remembering that Robin was being nice enough to do this with her. So she dropped her arms and pretended not to notice Robin looking at the ceiling.
They got in and stood there for the first few seconds, looking at every other direction but each other.
“Do you think Steve has more than 5-in-1 shampoo?” Robin finally asked, voice cracking again and the laugh sounding very nervous.
“He takes pretty good care of his hair, honestly,” Nancy said. She leaned over to rummage the small collection of bottles, picking out a shampoo that looked expensive and good enough.
“So should we, like. Wash each other’s hair?” Robin asked. Nancy poured some of the shampoo out into her hand and rubbed her fingers together, watching the soap bubble up in between her fingers.
“Sure,” Said Nancy softly. The idea sounded really nice, now that she let herself think about it. Running her hands through Robin’s short hair, just a little higher cut than Nancy’s own, it felt like they were kids again. Like a sleepover, or something. Or maybe Nancy was really young, and she was her mother, braiding and brushing her hair. She scrunched and Robin leaned back unconsciously. There was suddenly this inane pull inside Nancy to let Robin fall on her chest, to mold into her like they were one being. Maybe because her back was so nice. It was an insane feeling, the flare-up in her stomach watching Robin shut her eyes and let Nancy rub her hair, the buzzing in her spine. Even with the hot water Nancy could feel her hair stand up.
When Robin turned to wash the shampoo out, they made eye contact for the first time. Robin quickly shut hers as the water poured the shampoo down onto her face, noses nearly touching in the cramped shower. Nancy could feel her fingers, limp at her sides, itching to return to their place in Robin’s red hair, like they were meant to be there. Robin opened her eyes again after a moment, the bangs really in front now, and Nancy’s heart stopped a little. There was a splatter of freckles across Robin’s nose that made Nancy’s heart really skip in particular. They watched each other like wild animals, nervous.
“Do you want me to wash your hair, now?” Robin asked Nancy, who nodded just a little too quickly. She passed the shampoo bottle over, which Robin took and dumped some soap into her open hand with shaking fingers. Robin rubbed her hands together anxiously, took a deep breath, and then began working on Nancy’s hair. With her eyes shut Nancy could feel the full extent of Robin’s fingers against her skull. They were so precise and just the right pressure, the hands of a person who knew their surroundings. Jonathan always managed to yank her hair or tug on a knot whenever he ran his hairs through her hair. Jonathan. Shit, her boyfriend had become an afterthought. But Robin’s hands were still her hair, her nice hands that smelled like honey and ran through Nancy’s curls like Moses parting the red sea. So Nancy shook off any thought of Jon.
“Is that too hard?” Robin asked. Nancy shook her head, and she couldn’t tell who had moved but they were closer than before.
“It’s perfect,” Nancy breathed out. She was so close she could hear Robin’s sharp intake of breath, almost feel Robin’s chest moving as she did so. Nancy leaned her head backwards and let the water splash roughly on her face, little heated droplets washing away all the muck and oobleck and monster guts. It felt like a baptism. It felt like a rebirth. When she lifted her head up again, pushing her bangs out of her eyes with one hand and opening them to look at Robin -
Robin, who Nancy was now just realizing was taller than Nancy. Robin looked down through watery eyelashes, a look of pure astonishment on her face. Or maybe adoration. Reverence.
“Nancy, I,” Robin blinked rapidly and then shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I know you - anyway. Pass the soap please? I promise I won’t drop it.”
“Robin,” Nancy whispered. Her eyes dropped down to look at Robin’s mouth, biting anxiously at her bottom lip and so red and soft-looking. Nancy wouldn’t have to fight Robin to get her to wear chapstick, unlike - well. She’d already said she wouldn’t think about him anymore.
“I don’t normally do this but - actually I’ve never done it before but -” Robin swallowed. “Can I - is it okay if I -” Nancy surged up and kissed Robin first. Her mouth really was soft, with the faint taste of raspberry gum. Fresh and clean from the car. Robin at first didn’t move but then she did, with a fast-paced excitement that was so characteristic of Robin it made Nancy almost break the kiss just to smile at her. But she didn’t, instead she let Robin’s hands encircle her waist. Nancy placed a tentative hand on Robin’s upper back, the other in her freshly washed hair. On their shoulders and heads the showerhead pelted down hot, comforting rain. Robin tilted their mouths with one hand, brushing past some of Nancy’s curls and sending a wave of tingles down Nancy’s spine.
With the tilting of their mouths Nancy let her lips fall open. Robin’s tongue, hesitant and inexperienced, pressed up against her mouth. Despite all of her rolly-polly instincts (curling up and rolling away) Nancy let her, opened her mouth completely, desperate for Robin to get closer and further in. Like Nancy really wanted Robin to melt into her, for the two of them to hold each other like this and never let go. Robin’s hand in her hair, trailing down her spine. Nancy’s own feeling Robin’s moles on her left shoulder. It was so explosive and yet so familiar and Nancy couldn’t help but wonder how the hell she’d went all this time without having this.
Robin pulled back when she needed to take a breath. At some point Nancy realized she’d begun to cry and Robin’s hands came up to wipe them accordingly. Under the water their foreheads stuck together, tips of their noses touching. The way Robin had to hunch her shoulders a little to do so made Nancy giggle.
“I guess there’s no point, with the shower and all. They all mix together anyway,” Robin pointed out with a self-deprecating laugh, a little amazement in it, watching Nancy with such wonderful eyes that Nancy couldn’t help but cry more. “We’re all just water, in a way.”
“It’s really nice having you hold my face like this,” Nancy admitted, leaning into Robin’s fingers. She shut her eyes and felt Robin’s breath ghost her cheek.
“I don’t want to let go,” Robin said, a little laugh ghosting the end (as it tended too). Nancy just smiled and rolled her smile into Robin’s hand, pressing a little kiss to the lined palm. Then don’t is what she really wanted to say. But they had a shower to finish, and babysitting kids to get back to.
And Nancy had a very awkward phonecall to make long-distance to California. Oh well. Maybe that was for the morning.