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Marisa's Anguish

Summary:

Marisa Kirisame has always wanted to be immortal. For as long as she has known herself, that's been her goal. And one day, she accomplished it, but at a high cost. She let herself become a vampire. Reimu Hakurei, her girlfriend, didn't take kindly to that. As far as she was concerned, a human turning into the youkai was the worst sin one could commit. Now, they haven't spoken in two years. And that has been more than enough time for Marisa to realize that immortality isn't what she really wanted.
Reimu had become bitter. Ever since that day two years before, she had grown even more outwardly hostile towards everyone. With few exceptions, even being cordial was a trying favor to ask of her. When a new string of incidents occur pointing to Marisa begin to arise, the complicated emotions she still feels over her lost love begin to boil over into rage.
Can Marisa, the Witch of Woe, find a way to restore that humanity and love she once had, before it's too late, and she turns her back on it altogether? And can Reimu, the Maiden of Misery, find a way to forgive not only Marisa, but herself, for the agony she's faced and the bonds she's broken? And can the two women learn to love each other once more, as they did before?

Notes:

I had the song Rolling in the Deep by Adele set as the theme song in my mind so here's a link in case anyone wants to read while listening to it: https://youtu.be/bDtjO-R0QSo
-SecretlyKoishi

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Marisa Kirisame has always wanted to be immortal. Or at least, that's what she thought she wanted. As it turned out, immortality really offered no benefits. Even if Patchouli began to have a bit more respect for her as a magician, and really the whole Scarlet family had warmed up to her after becoming like them, there was always this great sense of hollowness. Or, at least there had been for the past two years.

"Marisa, are you even paying attention?" Alice grumbled.

Oh yeah. She was currently with Alice and Patchouli, in the library of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. They had certainly begun to do that more often. Why was she zoning out? Why, now, did her mind go back to... that?

Patchouli Knowledge sighed. "Were you listening to a word of what I said, Kirisame?" She asked. Even with the increased respect, she was still being fairly.... formal with her. "Ever since your ascension, you've been like this."

"Uh... no, sorry. Guess I'm just a bit out of it today," Marisa chuckled, completely ignoring the latter comment. Or perhaps she was trying to subtly refute it. Regardless, her attention was brought back now. Her blonde hair, now cut almost as short as when she was still living with, and training under, Mima framed her face. It lost its curls when she cut it, now just curving to accentuate her feminine features. She still kept a long strand, however, braided in the front with a black bow. Her outfit, as well, was vastly different. A plain black dress, longer than what she had worn before, was her typical style of dress, and she still hadn't gotten her hat back.

“Anyway..." Patchouli cracked open another book. She had been freely sharing her knowledge with Marisa for some time now. She had become far less taciturn around the now vampire witch.

"Anyway?" Marisa prompted the anemic magician to continue. Her altogether dull gaze lingered on Patchouli for a bit, taking in the sight. Unlike herself, and to a lesser degree Alice (who had grown out her hair and added a few more small, red accents to her outfit), Patchouli seemed more or less the same over the years. The witch guessed she shouldn't be surprised, Patchouli had never quite seemed the type for experimentation.

"Have you finished the latest book you 'borrowed'? Do bear in mind that even as an honored guest, my patience has its limits.”

"You must have your wires crossed," Marisa chuckled, a slight bitterness tanging her mouth. "I haven't 'borrowed' anything without the knowledge, no pun intended, of someone here since I turned. Actually a couple months before."

Marisa took a moment to wonder. What book could Patchouli have been referring to? In a case like this, where she hadn't done anything, it did make her wonder. Of course, investigating things like this wasn't her job anymore, and doing so would likely lead her right back onto the tracks of someone that would rather not see her.

"Right," she sighed. "The fact that remains is that a book is missing."

Just how did she keep track of every single book, anyway? The librarian sighed softly and glanced away.

"I wonder if it's related to the new incident," Alice Margatroid finally spoke up again. She didn't elaborate on the quote at all, at least not at first, causing Marisa to stare with a blank, confused expression.

"Do elaborate, Miss Margatroid," Patchouli stated. "I don't get much of a chance to hear any news anymore."

"Someone found dead in the forest. I happened to be 'graced' by the presence of the lovely Hakurei shrine maiden one day," Alice explained, adding a bitter sarcasm to punctuate her sentence. "She was, as usual, all action and no talk. Fought me before even considering to ask if I had anything to do with it."

"What was the cause of death? Do you know?" Marisa asked, gulping down her emotions. Bitterness, rage, and a long lost love all welled up in her throat, but she didn't want to acknowledge that at present. Doing so wouldn't benefit her at all.

"That's the strangest part. As of yet, there's no known cause of death. It looked to be a young woman, who was very healthy by all accounts. No punctures or wounds, no signs of trauma, nothing that could give a cause of death," Alice replied before taking a sip of her now lukewarm tea.

"Hmm... that's quite troubling," Patchouli pondered. "We'd best hope it doesn't lead to her breaking down our door."

Alice scoffed with a slight tinge of haught. She had long since gotten over her former attraction to the shrine maiden, which only grew colder in the aftermath of the fight between her and Marisa. "You know you'll be the first she suspects. For two years, she's held ire for this family," she explained, a peculiarly friendly snide air to it, a jest with truth behind it.

As they spoke, Marisa grew uncomfortable. The hostility towards her girlf- her ex, it was too much to bear. She was forlorn as she gazed to the door, seeing her escape after only a few brief moments.

"I have brewed more tea, if anyone would like some." Sakuya Izayoi, the human head maid of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Physically, she hadn't changed a bit during the time since Marisa had turned. She had, however, come to be much more polite to the now vampiric witch.

"Actually, I was thinking I would be taking my leave now," Marisa declined politely, looking back to the two she sat with. She wondered, at times, what they would talk about when she wasn't around, but didn't give that much thought now.

Sakuya raised an eyebrow. "Very well, may I ask where you may be going?" The silver-haired maid asked the vampire witch, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly.

"Home," Marisa answered flatly. It wasn't a lie, but may still have been a disappointing answer. She gave no extra reasoning or answer. No justification for cutting her time with her friends short.

"Very well then..." Sakuya trailed off, setting the tray in her hands down and curtsying.

Alice, meanwhile, looked concerned. "I'm going, too," she said to the others.

"I hope it's not simply because I'm leaving," Marisa jested lightly, a small ribbing at her

friend. She knew of Patchouli's feelings for the dollmaker, so hoped that she might be able to help somehow. Just because it didn't work out for her…

"I....!" And Alice was caught. She sighed.

"Let her be, Alice," Patchouli interjected. She knew well enough when Marisa needed to be alone by now.

"It's alright, Alice. I know Patchouli would still appreciate the company," Marisa added. She gave the librarian a small wink, but couldn't escape this nagging voice in her head. This voice that kept telling her it was only a lie, that the happiness and friendliness couldn't be real. She was miserable, and for whatever reason, that must mean that she couldn't show happiness of any kind.

"Watch your back, alright Marisa?" Alice frowned. "You may be a vampire now, but..."

She wanted to prompt further, but didn't. More than she was inquisitive, she wanted to go home. Sighing, she stepped out, ahead of Sakuya, who did typically escort her to the gate. She overheard the last of what small conversation was being made about her.

"And, there she goes..." Alice sighed again.

"What did you expect?" Patchouli grumbled.

Marisa waited for a moment to see if Sakuya would be escorting her this time as well. She didn't mind it if not, she knew exactly how to get out. While she paused, her thoughts drifted to her ex. Another incident. At least Reimu seemed to still be doing fairly well, right?

Sakuya walked alongside her. "Well then. I do hope you enjoyed your stay."

"Yes, thank you," Marisa replied quietly, keeping up pace with the head maid's long strides. She remained quiet for a moment, feeling an awkward silence in the air, before continuing, "It's, uh... nice, to still get out every once in a while."

"I see," Sakuya mused. "Will you be needing a parasol?"

"It should be night by now, should it not?" Marisa asked, her answer dependent on the response. She paid no mind to any of the fairy maids bustling about, all with their own tasks no doubt assigned by the very woman with whom she was walking and talking.

"Ah yes, but I wouldn't dally, either," she pointed out. "The mistress has... stories to say the least."

"Stories? Of the things that lurk in the woods?" Marisa chuckled a bit. Remilia Scarlet, the half-pint princess of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Not a princess for any royal lineage, but rather for how she acts. And also, the vampire that turned Marisa into a youkai. "I think you do forget, not only have I beaten the things in the woods, but I've beaten Remilia in combat too."

"Ah no... of her getting sidetracked and nearly turned to ash by the morning sun," Sakuya laughed nervously.

"Worry not, in that case. I have no interest in going anywhere but home," Marisa waved the concern away. Sakuya carried herself with a sort of motherly concern, though Marisa wasn't quite as recipient of that. She didn't hate Sakuya, but the maid did, at times, serve as a reminder. A reminder of…

"Hey, have you seen or heard from, you know... Reimu, at all, recently?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Well... she is going to be here to officiate the wedding," she admitted.

"Did you set that up yourself?" Marisa asked softly. She wondered if the maid had been in contact with the maiden. Her emotions were gripping onto her heart and squeezing with an iron fist.

"...Yes, I had. I apologize for not saying so sooner. It was a matter of the utmost importance that I performed the task swiftly," she confessed, shaking her head.

"How was she?" Marisa asked, brushing aside the apology. Really, what was there to apologize for? For all Sakuya knew, bringing it up could be harsh on the vampire witch.

"...Tense. Like something was weighing her down," Sakuya answered honestly.

"Still doesn't like the family, huh? Why did she agree to officiate Flandre's wedding, then?" Marisa mused. Though she said it out loud, she didn't expect a response.

"She feels differently about the younger mistress, I think..." She guessed. "She wasn't directly involved in... that."

"Yeah, I suppose that would do it," Marisa commented. She paused for a moment. They had reached the door by now, though there was a burning question. "So... does that mean I shouldn't be there?"

"I think you should. If only for Flandre...." She admitted.

"Heh... Koishi too. Girl trusts me like no other," Marisa sighed softly. She had already gotten her invite, Koishi Komeiji made sure of that long before any plans were made. The witch just naturally seemed to care for the satori, taking on a role somewhere between a mother and a big sister. Marisa would hazard that it was the former moreso, given Koishi already had an older sister. She stepped outside, into the crisp, cool nighttime air. "Well... I'll be seeing you, then."

"Safe travels, Miss Kirisame," she'd bow as Marisa left.

Marisa walked to the gate herself. It wasn't a big deal for her, though she didn't quite enjoy being left with her own thoughts. She stopped at the outside of the gate, seeing Meiling carrying out her usual duties. Smirking, she handed something to the gatekeeper.

"Tell Sakuya she lost it and you found it. It'll be good for you two," she instructed with a small, huffing chuckle. As she left, Meiling noted what it was. Sakuya's stopwatch, off of the chain the maid typically kept it on.

Notes:

Thank you for reading this! I hope to actually finish this story at some point, which I am awful about doing with multi-chapter works. And special thanks to AzuraLily for helping me write this.
-SecretlyKoishi