Chapter Text
[THERE IS A MESSAGE WRITTEN ABOVE THE PAPER]
Hello there, if you’re reading this, chances are that you’ve stumbled upon the Hall of Origins’ Legendary Rules, It’s mostly rules meant to prevent any accidents inside the Hall, we’re a big family( Not in a literal sense) and as their technically mother, it is my job to keep my children safe, no matter how insufferable they can be.
-Love, Arceus
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1. With the number of explosion cases accumulated in a single year, it seems to be that explosions caused by my children have been a staple if you’re living under the Hall, so I would like for everyone to follow these safety explosion procedures:
- Do it in a wide area, this is a big island, take it somewhere safe.
- Always make sure to use Protect, this is for the prevention of property damage, your life, and your face on Celebi’s fists.
- After setting off an explosion, make sure to write a short but brief reason on why and send it to the “Reasons why I set off an explosion” box.
List of Pokemon that are banned from setting off any explosions till next Christmas:
- Moltres
- Raikou
- Groudon
- Deoxys
- Palkia
- Azelf
- Kyurem
- Hoopa
- Tapu Lele
- The entire cast of Ultra Beasts (especially you Blacephalon)
- Zacian
2. Never! Ever! Try to flirt or court with a fellow legendary, even if you’re dead sure they’re single, there is an off chance they might have already been seeing someone, we spent eons hiding our genders and hiding the fact that we can have sex, hiding a relationship is a walk in a Pokepark, so don’t and save yourself from trouble.
Fortunately, most of my children can be calm and understanding whenever you make a mistake but here is a list of females to simply avoid due to the innate risk of being injured:
- Latias (Rayquaza has saved this world from world-ending threats multiple times, what makes you think you’d stand a chance against him)
- Xerneas (The God of Death doesn’t sound all too appealing to go up against ain’t it?)
- Tapu Fini (A certain electric-type Island Guardian is always keen on throwing hands against someone)
3. Never ask Groudon for help.
4. Never ask Deoxys for help.
5. Never ask Raikou for help.
6. Never ask Darkrai for help (It’s not that he’s bad at it, I just don’t want you getting nightmares)
7. Never ask Tapu Lele for help (Same as Darkrai’s, except she’s really, really, clumsy)
8. On the contrary, ask Zekrom for help, he’s a reliable and caring gentleman.
9. On the other hand, also ask Cresselia for help, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional pain, she is a sweet and caring individual to the point that she’s become everyone’s mom. (She rocks - Darkrai) \
10. No rule writing takeovers from anyone of you! I only write the rules.
11. Too late. Sorry dear but I just have to announce that to stop asking me to bring back dead people to life, it fucks up a lot of things and I don’t want to deal with that bullshit and whatnot - Giratina.
12. Oh cool, we can write here now? Kyogre! I challenge you to a Mario Kart 1v1! - Groudon
13. You’re on bitch! - Kyogre
14. Jolly (+Spd, - Sp Atk), HP 4 / Atk 252 / Spd 252, Intimidate, Choice Scarf - Landorus Therian
15. Continuing from the last rule, if you ever feel like blurting out random EV spreads or hypothetical enhancements for random pokemon, put it in the spam folder so we can read it on Stinkpost Sunday.
16. Never challenge the Lati-twins or Regieleki on a race, the last time that happened the northern part of the hall got thrown out to the sea, I don’t want our Machamps and Conkeldurrs to work through that hell again.
17. Never use General Hurricane (My right-hand Pidgeot) to send ridiculous things or death threats to others.
18. Pay no heed to Lady Arceus’ words, I quite like the entertainment I get from it -General Hurricane
19. NEVER TEACH THE PORYGON-Z’S HYPER BEAM! I REPEAT! NEVER TEACH THE PORYGON-Z’S HYPER BEAM! POOR NURSE BLISSEY IS STILL TRAUMATIZED FROM IT.
20. Do not insult Kyogre’s appearance as a pokemon, there is a 50/50 chance she either gets insecure which leads to her friends and Groudon to beat you up, or flood the entire hall with a Water Spout, either way, you make things worse for yourself.
21. Never use Regirock as some robot servant, he will take every command you say and sometimes he misreads that and something bad happens.
22. Affirmative, make something bad happen - Regirock
23. Uhh, why is the living room burnt? - Lugia
24. You know who you are, please stop littering Stealth Rocks on the floor, and on the other hand, whoever catches one of the culprits will get paid 1000 5000 Pokedollars.
25. If a general is nearby, mostly never challenge them, unless you are dead sure you can take them on and not get a fractured bone in the process.
List of Generals you should completely forget engaging in combat:
- General Cormag (Mewtwo’s Dragonite)
- General Seer (Ho-oh’s Xatu)
- General Gru (Lugia’s Quagsire) (Looks can be deceiving)
- General Fang and Lorelei (Kyogre’s Gyarados and Milotic)
- General Rajaion and Ena (Groudon’s Garchomp and Flygon)
- General Seteth (Rayquaza’s Salamence)
- General Sokka (Palkia’s Empoleon)
- General Kiryu (Dialga’s Duraludon)
- General Nergal and Jaffar (Giratina’s Dusknoir and Gengar)
- General Hector (Zekrom’s Haxorus)
- General Nuke and Taal (Reshiram’s Darmanitan and Volcarona)
- General Volibear and Lissandra (Kyurem’s Beartic and Vanilluxe)
- General Wario and Dorothea (Xerneas’ Slurpuff and Florges)
- General LeBlanc and Darklog (Yveltal’s Zoroark and Trevenant)
- General Fae and Cassiopeia (Zygarde’s Goodra and Sandaconda)
- General Viktor (Solgaleo’s Metagross)
- General Clarine, Bruce, and Ridley (Lunala’s Clefable, Crobat, and Noivern)
- General Marth (Zacian’s Aegislash)
- General Balthus and Dedue (Zamazenta’s Chesnaught and Ferrothorn)
26. Never use Guzzlord for cleaning up things, the last time that happened, half of the hall was almost eaten. I might also add to never ask Buzzwole too, maybe Xurkitree as well.
27. Actually, just never use the Ultra Beasts for anything, their powers are too extreme for the everyday normal.
28. Hey guys, I just used Xurkitree to power up these cool Christmas lights - Raikou
29. ARCEUS DAMMIT, I JUST GOT DONE CLEANING THE LIVING ROOM! - Azelf
30. I am stressing you to strictly follow rule 1, Please.