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"Your Honor, I refuse." Miles Edgeworth crossed his arms over his chest determinedly. "You don't understand what you're asking of me."
"It's just a little Kiss," the Judge said, baffled. "You do it all the time. Why, you even Kissed me just last week, when I had those hiccups that wouldn't go away."
"Yes, but-" Edgeworth's hand clenched tightly on his arm. He spoke through gritted teeth, glaring at the witness stand. "This is different."
"What on earth is different ab-"
"Oh, my darling Edgey-poo!" The witness cooed, causing the prosecutor to shudder and collapse partially on his desk even before her rant had really even begun: "It's so sweet of you to say I'm different! To think you can Kiss everything and everyone else because they don't matter to you, but you get shy when it comes to me, why it's enough to make a girl blush-"
"Your Honor," Edgeworth entreated helplessly.
Taking pity on his friend, Phoenix said, "Really, Your Honor, give me some more time, I'm sure I could figure out the truth behind all the contradictions in her testimony the old-fashioned way..."
"I'm sorry, but I'm really not sure I have the patience for that."
"-think that there's nothing to fix about me because you think I'm perfect, I never realized you were such a sly flirt, Edgey! I can see it's time to take off the kid gloves - no more holding back, I'm going to tell you exactly how I feel and exactly what I want-"
With an edge of panic, the Judge banged his gavel. "That's enough!" he cried. "I demand that the prosecution Kiss the witness to fix her erroneous testimony! ...And if you can fix her wagging tongue while you're at it, go right ahead."
"Not that it's any of your business, gramps, but I can guarantee that he's going to love my wagging tongue!" Oldbag snapped at the Judge, before turning to wink at Edgeworth, lascivious intent perfectly clear.
"Your Honor, please," he begged in complete horror.
"This is way too cruel," Maya whispered, eyes wide. "I never knew the Judge had it in him."
"Oldbag does that to people, I guess," Phoenix muttered back. "If only I didn't have so many penalties already we could help..."
"I'm waaaaaaiiitiiiiing, my sweet Edgey-Wedgey~~!"
BANG! Down went the gavel again. "Enough! Kiss her now!"
Edgeworth slowly walked out from behind his bench and stepped closer to the witness stand where the witness was fluttering her eyelashes at him. A hush descended over the courtroom as he approached her, only broken by the smacking sounds Oldbag was making with her hugely pursed lips.
Another step closer. No one could look away from the trainwreck in progress.
He was just within touching distance when he stopped. "No," he whispered, seemingly despite himself.
"No more waiting," Oldbag crooned affirmatively, and reached out for him, fingers sliding across his cheek.
"NGOOOOOHHH," he screeched, flailing back in a panic as shudder passed through his body. "I can't do it! Not even for justice! I - I can't! I won't! AND NOT EVEN YOU CAN MAKE ME!" he swung back round to roar at the Judge, before breaking into a run and fleeing the courtroom altogether.
"Well," the Judge said blandly, after a moment. "That backfired."
...You gave him a nervous breakdown and THAT'S your only reaction?! Phoenix shook his head in utter disbelief as the Judge banged his gavel and requested that the bailiff "drag the first prosecutor you can find in here."
Now that was one superpower that, useful as it seemed in theory, you couldn't pay him to take.