Chapter Text
In hindsight, it made sense to Finn that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline had, at some point, known each other in the past. Marceline was immortal and had been all around Ooo meeting all sorts of people. Bubblegum was known for keeping tabs on anyone and everyone, and Marceline–the world’s last vampire–was surely a person of interest.
When Marceline agreed to help him ask Bubblegum to the movies, he was relieved to have an actual girl’s advice, no matter how strange the vampire’s methods seemed. But when Bubblegum opened the window and her face twisted at the sight of Marceline, Finn had his doubts.
“Hey Marceline,” the princess mumbled with distaste. Even when Bubblegum got annoyed, she never looked this peeved. She looked like a completely different person from the princess who was always rosy-cheeked and laughing.
“Hello Bonnibel,” the vampire responded with a wave.
Bonnibel? Finn didn’t know Bubblegum’s name wasn’t… well, Bubblegum.
Nope, Finn wasn’t shocked that the two girls knew each other. He was, however, surprised that they seemed to hate each other. After all, he thought they were both pretty neat people.
“Hey, Peebs?”
The weather was nice today, so Finn and Jake accompanied the princess on her fishing trip to Lake Butterscotch. Neither of the boys was an expert fisher, but Finn figured the princess would want company in favor of floating around on a boat all by her lonesome. Besides, Finn never gave up a chance to hang with Bubblegum.
“What is it, Finn?”
“How old are you?”
Princess Bubblegum tilted her head in confusion. “What do you mean? You already know I’m comprised of the amount of candy required to-”
“No, no- I mean, how many years have you been alive and all that jazz?”
Jake looked earnestly at the princess, too. It was something the two brothers had discussed before. Bubblegum had too many stories, too many connections, and way too many inventions to have been collected over eighteen years.
“Hmm… I’m fairly old, if that helps,” the princess answered as she tapped the side of her fishing rod. Bubblegum was kind, but she always kept her cards close to her chest.
The answer didn’t satisfy the human. Normally, he would be gentlemanly and respect her personal business, but his natural curiosity won out. “Would you say you’re older than Marceline?”
At the mention of Marceline’s name, the princess’s grip on the fishing rod tightened and a frown came over her face.
“No, I’m not. She’s really, really old.” She pursed her lips and then said the next part in a whisper. “Even if she acts so immature.”
And Finn had noticed, at some point between his twelfth and thirteenth birthdays, that being brave and being dumb so often looked alike. If Finn was smart and cowardly, he probably would have dropped the subject and moved on to something else. Unfortunately, Finn was dumb and brave, and on top of all that he was really curious.
“Hmm. So you’re younger than Marceline, but you’ve known her for a while then?”
Princess Bubblegum’s lips tightened into a thin line. “Yep.”
“How long?”
“A long time, Finn. Can we just fish?”
Finn sighed and cast his line again. He hated fishing.
“You sure you’re okay?” Finn asked the vampire. Her limbs were strewn across the couch as she stared at the ceiling. She must have been feeling like poop if she was lying down. Finn couldn’t remember the last time she chose to sit in favor of floating.
“Yeah, thanks to you. I still can’t believe that creep erased my memory.” Marceline ran her hands down her face. “Makes you realize how messed up some people can be. Good thing I can count on my bros to have my back, right?” She tried smiling at Finn, but it was a sad excuse for a smile. He could only imagine how weird it felt knowing a whole memory of yours was stolen.
“Yeah. You know it’s cool if you’re not okay though, right?”
Unlike his brother, Finn wasn’t scared of Marceline in any real way. He walked up to the couch and, upon remembering how stiff the cushions were, chose to pop a seat on the floor. He turned to Marceline, who looked like she was holding back tears.
“I feel kind of dumb, I guess. I dated Ash a while ago and there were so many red flags. Being with him was a real low so it sucks that two of my closest friends just saw how naive I was.” Marceline’s eyes met Finn’s before she squeezed them shut. “That was embarrassing. So much for being your cool mysterious vampire friend.”
“Hey! I still think you’re way cool!” Finn argued. “You kicked that jerkwad’s butt!”
She let out a small laugh. “I guess I did.”
Finn settled his back against the arm of the couch. “Besides, you’re super old, right? It would be weird if you didn’t have any sucky exes from the last few centuries.”
Marceline made a humming sound. “Yeah, I’d say he’s the worst of them. If he wasn’t before, he definitely is now.”
Finn nodded in understanding. Yeah, stealing a memory was pretty evil. So was selling your girlfriend’s favorite belonging. Marceline had pretty bad luck ending up with that guy the first time around. Maybe it wasn’t all bad for her, though.
“What were your other exes like?”
Marceline tapped her chin. “I guess… most of them weren’t too memorable. I moved around a lot over the past few centuries, so I never dated anyone for too long. My last serious relationship before Ash was my first relationship ever, so there really isn’t much to compare to.”
Finn smiled. “I guess one cool part of being immortal is that all your embarrassing exes die eventually.” His smile dropped. “Wait, was that dark?”
He turned to Marceline to see if she seemed off-put by his comment, but she was busy staring at the ceiling again, eyes unfocused and her head in the clouds. It was silent for a few beats before she answered. “Not all of them were embarrassing.”
“Hmm…” Finn wondered if he’d ever date enough girls that he could one day look back and decide they all meant something to him. Even the mistake relationships. Marceline was wiser than she let on. Princess Bubblegum had called her immature and sure, Marceline liked to have fun, but she’d seen more of the world than anyone else. Marceline had a lot of regrets, but if they made her the cool vampire lady she was today, then wasn’t the regret worth it?
Finn and Jake lied in their beds, the room completely silent save for the occasional sound of shuffling paper as Jake turned the pages of the book he borrowed from Lady. The dog was holding tightly onto his favorite blanket, the events of the day still fresh. Finn, on the other hand, had hidden Bubblegum’s hair in a locked drawer and decided to ignore it for a while. It was still awkward that the princess now knew his most prized possession was a wad of her hair.
Embarrassment aside, he had to admit that hanging out with Jake, BMO, Bubblegum, and Marceline was the most fun he’d had in a long time. He wondered if it was a pipe dream to hope it could happen again.
The two girls couldn’t get along for diddly doo da. His working theory had been that they got off on the wrong foot in the past. But when the princess’s prized possession was revealed to be a gift from the vampire queen herself, Finn had more questions than answers.
“Hey, Jake?”
The dog put his book down and turned on his side to face his brother. “Yeah?”
“How far back do you think Bubblegum and Marceline go?”
“Hmm…” Jake propped himself up on an elbow and stroked his chin. “Well, when was the last time you saw Princess Bubblegum interested in any sort of rock music?”
Finn thought back to the shirt, which Bubblegum seemed ever-so-embarrassed was put on display. Clearly, the two girls had been close enough for gift-giving at one point, but when was that? Finn had been mad distracted by the glowing door earlier that day, but he still picked up on Marceline’s lyrics. The two girls were close at one point, and Finn really wished he could fix whatever old drama sat dormant between them.
“Do you think the stuff that went down today with the Door Lord means they’re friends again?”
“I dunno, man,” Jake offered, “but they seemed less angry towards the end, right?”
Finn nodded before moving around to find a comfortable position beneath the covers. “Good night, Jake.”
“Good night, Finn.”
Finn looked over at Jake, who was talking to a banana guard and describing the transgressions of the day. The two adventurers had received a distress call from Old Mr. Creampuff that his home was robbed and, sure enough, half of his sugary candies were missing. Other candy citizens reported missing goods until, eventually, the panic was too great for the princess to wave off. She called for everyone to convene in the grand hall and declared that no one could leave until the culprit was identified.
“I just don’t understand why the culprit is stealing the things they’re stealing. Candy, nail polish, high heels? It’s nothing valuable.” The princess paced back and forth as Finn waited beside her with his sword drawn. He had a feeling the culprit was non-violent, but a hero could never be too safe when innocent candy people were at risk.
Finn looked into the distance as the last of the candy citizens filed into the large room; they all shook with fear. The situation reminded him of that zombified sleepover that happened a while back, and the thought alone made him cringe. He wasn’t hoping for a repeat.
“I’m sure it’s just a regular ol’ thief who grabbed what they could. Let’s try talking to the candy citizens whose junk was stolen.”
“Good idea,” the princess said. “Let’s start with Old Mr. Creampuff.”
They went around questioning the citizens in detail. After about seven short interviews, Finn was worried that Bubblegum was coming to the same realization that he was. Red jellybeans, red nail polish, red shoes, red drapes… there was only one person in Ooo who fancied the color that much.
When Bubblegum and Finn walked away from Starchy, who reported missing his favorite red shovel, Finn could already read the accusations on Bubblegum’s face. Once a safe distance away from prying ears, he turned to the princess sharply.
“It wasn’t Marceline, Princess.”
Bubblegum rolled her eyes. “Finn, I understand she’s your friend and she has been on better behavior, but this is a serious felony. Pranks are one thing, but stealing is another. I’m sure if you just go to her and explain that this isn’t funny she’ll give back what she’s stolen.”
“But it wasn’t her! Marceline wouldn’t steal anything or intentionally scare the candy people.”
Bubblegum scoffed and Finn could tell he just picked at a wound.
“You think Marceline wouldn’t steal? She took the treehouse from you. She wouldn’t scare the candy people? She put wolves in my room!”
Finn shrugged. “Yeah, but that was you and me, and she was just joking. She wouldn’t scare the candy people when she knows it would risk them exploding.”
Bubblegum’s mouth tightened and she leaned against the wall, eyes drawn to the ground before her. If she had any reason to combat Finn’s claim, she wasn’t voicing it. She slowly slid down the wall until she was sitting on the ground; then she pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in the fabric of her skirt.
“Who do you think did it?” she asked.
Finn tapped his chin. The truth was, he had no idea. “If Marceline wanted red, she would have just eaten it, not steal the stuff. But the evidence is pretty incriminating towards her. Almost too incriminating…”
The princess lifted her head. “You think someone is framing her?”
Finn shrugged. “It’s a possibility. Ooh, maybe it was her ex-boyfriend! We just had a run-in with him not too long ago, so that would be a motive.”
Bubblegum sat up straight. “Was it Ash?” She looked a little alarmed. Finn nodded. It was weird the princess knew his name, but then again, P.B. spied on everyone.
“Yep. He stole one of her memories. Well, I guess I did that. He tricked me by pretending to be this old dude without arms and-”
“Is she okay?”
Finn had never seen Bubblegum look like this. Her eyes were wide and her teeth chewed at her bottom lip urgently. If Finn didn’t know any better, he’d assume Bubblegum was worried about the vampire. If that was the case, then why was she accusing Marceline of a crime?
“She’s fine. She was a little bummed, I guess." Finn paused. "I’m not sure how much I should say.”
Bubblegum flattened her back against the wall. “Of course. So you think he’s framing her?”
Finn shrugged. “It’s possible. Or it could be someone else who has beef with her. Ooh, I could call her!”
“Wait, Finn, don’t-”
“Too late!” He pulled out his phone and started dialing the vampire’s number. Since it was nighttime, he wasn’t surprised when she answered after one ring. He put her on speaker so the princess could hear.
“Hello?”
He noticed Bubblegum wince at the sound but ignored it.
“Hey, Marceline! I’m in a pickle right now and could use your help.”
“What’s up? I was on my way to pick up some snacks, did you want me to stop by your place?”
At this, Bubblegum vehemently shook her head and crossed her arms in a giant ‘X’.
“Uhh, no, it’s cool. I’m actually at the Candy Kingdom right now.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Someone just stole a bunch of red stuff sooo…”
There was a pause on the line. “Are you accusing me?”
Finn didn’t like the hurt sound of his friend’s voice. If he had any ounce of doubt towards her before (and he didn’t) then this completely squashed it.
“No way! I know it wasn’t you. But since it’s all red stuff, I was wondering if there was anyone who would want to frame you. Have you ticked off anyone lately?”
“Hmm. Not to my knowledge. Maybe it’s a coincidence. Look, just make sure the princess doesn’t go sending pitchfork-wielding bananas to my place, ‘kay?”
Finn couldn’t help it. He looked up to see Bubblegum’s reaction. Her eyes were glued to the floor and she said nothing. Finn took Marceline off speaker and held the phone to his ear. “Don’t worry. We both know it wasn’t you.”
“Oh… okay. Cool.”
“Yeah. Anyway, let me know if you can think of anyone who did this.”
“Sure thing, Finn.”
After hanging up he tossed the phone into the depths of his backpack and turned toward the princess. He felt really bad about making her hear that, but the princess was never one to divulge more than she absolutely had to, so he figured she wouldn’t want to talk it out. He drew a breath, prepared to change the subject, but the princess beat him to it.
“She really hates me still, huh?”
He didn’t say anything to that, because in all honesty, he wasn’t sure what Marceline felt towards the princess. He had hoped that the stuff with the Door Lord would make them start seeing eye-to-eye, but clearly whatever history the two girls had wasn’t going to be fixed with some noodles and a song.
“I don’t think she hates you,” Finn said. “I mean… do you hate her?”
Bubblegum dropped her head against her knees again, making it so that Finn couldn’t see her face. “Of course not.” The words were muffled by fabric, but the young hero understood.
“Maybe you two should talk it out. I have no idea what made you guys fight in the first place, but whatever it was, I’m sure a nice chat can make it better! You guys are my closest buds so it would be cool if you got along, right?”
The princess didn’t say anything, just let out a long sigh. Finn decided now would be a good time to focus on catching the culprit. He knew Bubblegum wouldn’t sleep or relax until then, anyway.
“What is everyone doing in the grand hall?”
Finn turned to find Peppermint Butler at his feet, staring between the human and the princess. In his arms was a bowl of cherries with a red stapler nestled on top of it.
“Um… Whatcha got there Peppermint Butler?” he asked.
He looked down. “Oh, this? I’m working on a spell that can summon the blood of an ancient demon. It requires a lot of red.”
Finn turned from the candy assistant to the princess, who was now getting up from her self-pitying spot on the floor. “Pep-But! Did you go into the candy people’s houses and take that stuff? We’ve been thinking it was a robber!”
Peppermint Butler shrugged. “I mean, I suppose I am a robber. I didn’t plan on returning any of it.”
The princess closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She turned towards the masses in the grand hall. “Everyone go home! We caught the intruder. Go home and I’ll return your things tomorrow.”
The candy people, ever so trusting of their princess, slowly funneled out of the palace and back towards their homes. Finn sheathed his sword and walked beside Bubblegum. “You should probably get some rest, princess. I’ll help you return this stuff tomorrow.”
Both the human and princess ignored Peppermint Butler’s cry of protest, and then the weirdest thing happened. Bubblegum leaned over and hugged Finn. Like full-on hugged him, which she usually made a point not to do. He blushed, wondering if this meant he finally had a chance. Wait… that was what hugs meant, right?
Finn was looking for an old sword–one that could be in any corner of the treehouse–and was currently tearing apart the closet in his and Jake’s shared bedroom. Halfway through his clean-out, he found a small box labeled “DO NOT TOUCH” in big red letters. He didn’t remember writing that on anything.
“Hey, Jake?”
“What’s up?”
The dog was in the middle of playing a game on BMO. He was sitting in his sleeping drawer with his legs crossed behind him. To his credit as a gamer, his eyes never left the screen.
“Did you write this?”
“Write what?”
Finn looked at the box in his hands. “It says ‘DO NOT TOUCH’ all big and stuff. In red.”
“Oh, that! That’s not mine.”
Finn resisted the urge to open the box. “Well whose is it and why is it in our closet?”
BMO’s game made a noise indicating Jake moved to the next level.
“Marceline’s. I took it from her closet.”
He said it so casually that Finn wondered if maybe something was off with his hearing. He looked down at the small brown box again and noticed that the handwriting did look a lot like Marceline’s.
“You took it?”
Jake sighed and paused the game, making BMO’s face return on the screen. Both of Finn’s roommates were now looking at him.
“That’s not cool, Jake. You stole this?”
The dog shrugged. “You know I’m a naturally curious person. Besides, we were in her closet for so long. I got bored.”
“What were you doing in a closet?” BMO asked.
“Long story, BMO,” Finn answered before turning back to his brother. “Dude, you need to return this to her and apologize.”
Jake’s eyes widened. “What? Are you crazy? She’ll kill me! Besides, I didn’t even look inside. I got too nervous that it would be bones or something. I don’t want her to add my bones to her bone collection!”
“Do you even have bones?” BMO asked the dog.
“It doesn’t matter,” Finn said as he held the box out to Jake. “We’re Marceline’s friends so we need to respect her privacy. Let’s go return this. It’s the right thing to do.”
Jake looked to BMO for support, but the robot was solemnly nodding. “Fine. But you need to make sure she doesn’t kill me.”
They headed over to Marceline’s cave once the sky started to darken but was still light enough that she’d be there. The entire walk over, Jake was humming, which was a nervous habit he’d picked up a while back. Finn stared at the box in his hands. He did understand the temptation to open it. After all, Marceline was full of so many secrets.
“Don’t open it, man,” Jake said as he clutched Finn’s arm. Finn nodded and held the box securely against his chest. Bad inner thoughts, bad.
Marceline answered after one knock, but it looked like she was dressed to go out with black jeans and a white blouse. Very old-school vampire.
Finn once told Marceline she could pull off the aesthetic, but she rolled her eyes and said the human movies of vampires were made when the species was still considered fictional and did very little to depict just how heinous they were. He never asked why she spoke so ill of her own species.
“What’s up?” It only took a moment before she noticed the box in Finn’s arms and her eyes narrowed. “What are you doing with that?”
Finn turned to Jake and made a motion towards Marceline.
Jake was sweating, but took a deep breath and spilled. “Ah, I’m sorry Marceline! I took this the day we were staked out in your closet because of how juicy it looks! But I swear we didn’t open it. So please don’t steal my bones!”
Finn extended the box to Marceline, who took it gently.
“You… didn’t open it?” she asked. Jake shook his head. She pulled it tightly against her chest. “Okay. Thanks for returning it. I understand you guys get curious about me, but I’d prefer if you just ask.”
Finn and Jake exchanged a look. It was true. The vampire’s life was a plethora of secrets and stories that the two boys rarely got involved in. They knew a bit about her dad, but other than that, they didn’t know much else. Finn cared about Marceline a lot, like an older sister, so it sometimes hurt that he barely knew who she was prior to meeting her.
“I’m really sorry,” Jake said. He no longer looked worried that Marceline would steal his bones. He shuffled his paws against the wood of Marceline’s porch.
She smiled. “Why don’t you two come in?”
Finn followed her in first and stood in the middle of the living room as Marceline hovered crisscrossed over the floor and plopped the box down. The two boys followed suit and sat on the ground.
“You don’t have to show us, Marceline,” Finn offered. But in reality, he wanted to see inside of the box more than even Jake, probably. Marceline waved him off.
“Nah, you’re right. You two have been really good friends. I should be more open with you.”
She took off the lid which revealed a heap of tissue paper. She slowly unwrapped the paper, as if terrified she’d break the contents. Eventually, she held up a small piece of rock candy.
“Oh, neat?” Jake said. Finn was just as confused as his brother. This didn’t seem like any big secret.
“It’s a memento from a fun day I had. I probably wouldn’t have wrapped it if rock candy wasn’t so fragile after a few centuries. There, now you two know me a little bit better!”
Finn nodded, but he couldn’t help the disappointment that bubbled up. He knew Marceline had a tendency to be sentimental, but it was just some rock she picked up off the ground. He didn’t bother asking what made the day so special, because whatever the answer was would be was a lot less cool than–admittedly–collecting the bones of her enemies.
Finn considered himself smart in many ways. He thought quickly in the heat of battle, he was a great detective, and he always knew how to find the best in people. Unfortunately, he felt dumb when it came to girls. He’d save princesses from the Ice King frequently, so he knew how to interact with damsels of any gender, but when it came to literally anyone else, he felt like a dunce. Even Bubblegum– especially Bubblegum–confused him.
She always called him her knight and praised his work defending the Candy Kingdom, but he couldn’t tell if she thought of him as a brother or if there was even a chance she’d look at him romantically. What’s a few hundred years age gap, right?
When Finn started talking to Flame Princess, he was furious when Bubblegum advised against it. One second she didn’t like him, the next she was telling him not to date someone else? He understood what she was trying to do, kind of. But instead of telling him the physical dangers of dating Flame Princess, she just ordered him not to.
What did she even say? Something about putting duties first. What would she even know about that? All her years of living and Finn was pretty sure Bubblegum was as alone as the day she was born. She didn’t understand love, so why was she preaching to Finn?
Normally, Finn would talk to Jake about stuff like this, but Jake was always of the (incorrect) mindset that Bubblegum would one day come to realize her love for Finn. Maybe it was because Jake found love young and it stuck, but Finn felt like he needed to talk to someone with a bit more understanding of how rough dating could be. A bit more worldly.
He approached Marceline’s door with the desperate hope she was still home despite the darkening sky. When he went to knock, he heard Marceline’s voice echo from inside, and it sounded mad. He knew it was wrong and he had a running streak of invading Marceline’s privacy, but he couldn’t help it. He pressed his ear against the door.
“Because Jake told me!” she said. When Finn didn’t hear another voice respond, he assumed Marceline was on a phone call. “Yeah, and? You have to stop treating him like a little kid. I know we’re old but that doesn’t mean you can just tell him what to do!”
Finn’s face flushed as he came to the harrowing conclusion that Marceline was yelling about him to the person on the other end of the line. (And he had a feeling who that was, too.)
“So what if he gets hurt? That’s part of growing up. He needs to experience it for himself instead of you treating him like one of your experiments. I don’t care if he works for you, he’s not some pawn in your kingdom.”
Yep. He definitely had an idea who was on the other end of the call. Marceline was quiet for a while, meaning she either hung up or was listening for the other person to finish talking. When he heard Marceline’s muffled scoff through the door, he assumed it was the latter.
“That was different. You’re a ruler. And even then you know I never agreed that you did the right thing.” The line was silent for a few moments. “Fine. Whatever. Do what you want, but stop toying around with him and stop making him do your dirty work. I can’t believe I thought he got through to you. You’re still just as controlling as ever.”
Finn was confident the call was over now, but he no longer felt the need to talk to Marceline. He had all the encouragement he needed. If he liked Flame Princess, he shouldn’t miss out on getting to know her because of Princess Bubblegum’s own biases.
He walked away from the house towards the cave’s exit, all the while ignoring the weird feeling someone was watching him through the window.
Of all the weird stuff from Marceline’s past, her friendship with Ice King was by far the weirdest. Finn had a feeling the IK was major old, so maybe they were friends of convenience? Immortals, and all that.
He watched Marceline, with tears in her eyes, sing a letter from some dude to his lost child. They were sad, sad lyrics, and Ice King just drummed away happily as if they meant nothing.
“I feel weird watching this,” Finn said. “Maybe we should go.”
Jake pointed at the scene unfolding inside Marceline’s house. “Shouldn’t we make sure he won’t do any funny business?”
Finn shifted his weight from one foot to the other. On one hand, Ice King had never shown himself to be any real threat to the women he bothered, but that didn’t make harassing them okay. On the other hand, Marceline seemed like she needed this.
Amidst his thoughts, the song inside came to a slow halt. When the front door opened, Finn and Jake crouched under the plants on the window sill.
Ice King’s voice was jolly as ever. “Thanks, Marceline! This music is real hot stuff! I’m gonna pick up a lot of ladies with this emotional junk.”
Marceline sighed. “Bye, Simon.”
Simon?
The sound of Ice King’s flapping beard signaled his flight away, leaving Marceline to watch on as he disappeared into the distant sky. She leaned against the door and took a deep breath. As Jake shrunk down and hid behind Finn’s ankle, the younger brother considered whether he should console Marceline or let her have this private moment alone.
In the end, he didn’t have to decide as Marceline, still in what arguably looked like pajamas, shoved on the sneakers thrown haphazardly in front of her door and took off flying. When she was a safe enough distance away, Jake shifted to his normal size.
“Do you think she’s going after him?” he asked.
Finn shook his head. “I’m not sure. Maybe we should go check.”
Jake nodded and plopped Finn on his back as he grew larger. Finn always liked when he got to ride Jake like a big horse or something. It made him feel like a real knight. They were able to spot Marceline in the sky and trail her. She wasn’t flying full speed, so it was easy enough to fall into the same pace.
“Is she headed towards our house?” Jake whispered.
Finn squinted his eyes and noticed it was the general direction she was headed in. Maybe she did want consolation, after all.
They risked getting closer behind her, but soon realized she wasn’t headed towards the treehouse at all. Instead, Marceline was headed towards the heart of the Candy Kingdom.
“Maybe she’s going to warn Bubblegum about Ice King’s song?” Jake offered. Finn had a feeling that wasn’t the case. Just like Marceline, Bubblegum had learned how to handle Ice King by herself with time. No, she probably wasn’t here for that.
Marceline stopped above the palace and did a 360, looking at the ground for something from her vantage point. Finn and Jake tucked themselves behind a tree but as soon as the vampire flew towards the ground, the hero knew exactly where she was headed.
“She’s going to the palace garden, come on.”
Jake morphed back into his normal shape and followed his brother towards the palace garden.
“What’s she doing there, do you think?” Jake asked. But Finn didn’t have a response to give because he was just as much at a loss. As they got closer, they kept quiet, using the surrounding foliage to make themselves sparse.
When Finn saw the scene before him, he once again had to shake the lingering feeling that this was something meant to be private.
The vampire stood quietly with her arms thrown around the princess, who looked just as confused as Finn felt. No words were said between the two girls, just Marceline pulling Bubblegum in a little tighter.
It took a few moments, but then the princess put her arms around Marceline as well.
This time, Finn pulled Jake away from the scene, and the two headed home quietly.
It was a weird day for Finn. First, he lost his favorite toothbrush and had to borrow Jake’s (gross). Then he didn’t notice Flame Princess’s new haircut (which he didn’t even know was possible… her hair was fire) so she had been a little standoffish towards him. Then when he went to the Candy Kingdom searching for a mission for some sense of normalcy, he saw Princess Bubblegum being carried away by some monster banana man.
“Um, Princess, who is this?”
The pink royal turned to Finn from her spot in the creature’s arms and shook her head. “The real Bubblegum is in the lab. Now off, Braco, we have our lives ahead of us!”
The two sprinted away, leaving Finn with a thousand more questions than answers. He headed to the lab regardless and found another, less-weird Bubblegum hunched over a chart of equations with her hair disheveled.
“Princess?”
She looked up, her glasses slightly askew. “Oh, hey Finn.”
“Do you know why I’m seeing double of you?”
She sighed and removed her glasses before leaning back in the chair. “That was a sort-of-clone I made. Braco was in love with me so I needed to get him off my back.”
Somehow the princess making a clone of herself to appease a lovestruck citizen made a lot more sense than any other explanation. It was a cold solution, but P.B. was a cold person.
“Why not just tell him like it is?” he asked.
She shrugged. “It was just easier this way.”
Finn frowned, thinking back to all the times Bubblegum had giggled at his attraction towards her or pretended she didn’t notice his sad excuse of flirting. He wondered if she let his crush go on that long because it was convenient for her to have a hero around.
He wasn’t in the mood to resurface old wounds right now, so he packed that away in the vault. “Weird. I never heard of him before.”
Bubblegum shrugged. “Pep-But found him in my suitor line.”
Finn blanched. “In your what ?”
Bubblegum pointed towards a door on the opposite side of the room. “Have you ever noticed the candy citizens outside that wall? They’re waiting in a line to court me.”
Finn tilted his head. “Aren’t you, like, their mom?”
“I am their creator, so it would be weird. It’s not like I’ve ever humored their advances. I just let them wait. They’ll tire eventually.”
“Hmm…” Finn took a seat on the floor and drummed against his lap casually. It was easier (and less weird) talking to Bubblegum about this stuff ever since he started dating Flame Princess. “You don’t like any of them?”
She shook her head.
“Have you ever liked anyone?” he asked. The princess met his eyes and Finn was worried he crossed a line. Luckily, the princess only nodded her head.
“Once. One person.”
Finn grinned. Teasing time.
“Was it Old Mr. Cream Puff?”
Bubblegum laughed. “What? No. We hardly dated. I just like to joke about that.”
“Then who? How long ago?”
Bubblegum stared at her wrist despite not having a watch on. “Shouldn’t you be checking on Jake or something? It’s getting late.”
“It’s the middle of the afternoon! Come on P.B., the more you avoid the question, the more curious I’ll get!” he warned in sing-song.
The princess pinched the bridge of her nose. “I should know that by now, shouldn’t I?” She paused and her expression grew somber. “It was someone I dated a few hundred years ago. It’s been over for a long time, and it’s probably for the better. I’m way too busy to be with anyone romantically.”
Finn huffed. “You’re no fun. Whenever I ask Marceline about her exes she spills all the deets.”
Bubblegum’s face hardened. “What?”
“Yeah,” Finn shrugged. “She’s had a bunch of exes, with her being a thousand years old and all that. She tells me all about the ones she liked and the ones she didn’t like.”
Bubblegum crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. “I didn’t know she dated that many people.”
Finn shifted where he sat uncomfortably. “Oh. I’m sure it’s just ‘cause she’s so outgoing! You could definitely date just as many people if you wanted to.”
“What? No, that’s not what I- You know what? Nevermind. All you need to know is that I’m not interested in dating any of my suitors. Sorry, I have a lot of work to get through today.” It was quiet for a few moments as Finn stood up. He made his way towards the door. “Wait,” Bubblegum stopped him. “Did Marceline… Has she told you about all of the people she dated?”
Finn looked back at the princess. Wow, he never pegged the princess as one to compare herself with other girls. She shouldn’t be self-conscious; she was way cool already.
“Nah, just most of them. They’re probably long-dead anyway.”
The princess bit her lip. “Right. Well, bye.”
“Bye, Princess!” he chirped as he made his way out of the lab. “Weird,” he whispered once the doors shut behind him.
Learning about his color blindness aside, Finn would say that today was a massive adventure success. They found the Spoon of Prosperity, Marceline didn’t unwittingly eat Jake’s blood, and Princess Bubblegum saved them just in the nick of time. Despite everything coming together swimmingly in the end, the ride up to the surface with all of them shoved inside the giant worm was awkward .
Jake, despite his well-documented fear of vampires and blood-sucking, already forgave Marceline. Besides, it was kind of his fault for eating her erasers. And Bubblegum, despite having her pinkish blood sucked, didn’t seem to care at all. The spoon basically reset her physical form.
Marceline, however, had gone slowly from chipper to reserved amidst their journey towards the surface. The princess, in turn, was trying to coax the vampire out of her depressed state.
“It’s not a big deal, Marceline. It’s instinctive for vampires to act that way when hungry.”
Marceline shook her head. “What if I drank Jake’s blood? He’s not like you. He could’ve gotten hurt.”
“But he didn’t. Come on, Marceline. You’ve been a vegetarian vampire for a thousand years. Cut yourself some slack.”
Finn stared between the two girls. When did they get so chummy?
“If I get too comfortable like this, then there’s a chance I’ll kill someone. Do you really think living for eternity will be fun after that?”
Bubblegum rolled her eyes. “What about the vampires, huh?”
“That was different.”
“How so?”
Marceline growled. “If you can’t tell the difference between killing those vampires and killing Jake, then I don’t know what to tell you!”
“Um, guys?” Finn interjected. He placed his hand on Marceline's shoulder and tried not to wince when she whipped her head towards him. “I think maybe we should just cool off.”
Marceline sighed. “Yeah, maybe.” She picked up the spoon and fiddled around with it. “I’m sorry, Jake.”
“It’s all good,” Jake said. “I tried to eat you, too.”
Bubblegum turned to him. “What?”
He shrugged. “I got scared and hungry.”
Finn pretended not to notice as Marceline held the spoon up to the bite marks on her neck, and pretended not to notice the disappointed look on her face when nothing happened.
“Are you still hungry?” Bubblegum asked.
Jake patted his stomach. “I could definitely go for some tacos.”
“Not you,” the princess said. “Marcy?”
The vampire dropped her face into her hands. Finn felt something stir in his chest. He loved Marceline like a sister, so seeing her ashamed of herself was pretty sucky.
Quietly, the princess’s own hands found her fluffy pink hair and ripped off a decent-sized clump, just like the one Finn still had locked up in a drawer somewhere. (He should probably get rid of that.) She handed it to Marceline.
“I know it’s not your favorite shade, but I bet it beats the hunger.”
A few years ago, Finn would have found it weird if one of his friends fed another one of his friends their own hair, but as Marceline sucked up the light pink with a matching tint on her cheeks, Finn thought it was sweet.
Finn walked home with Jake after the sleepover party feeling nothing but relief. After years of having an on-and-off crush on Princess Bubblegum, he finally learned what it was like to hang with her as a bud, and it was awesome.
He knew she got easily stressed managing the candy people, so their little escape throughout the princess’s secret passageways was like a mini-vacation for her. Unfortunately, the candy people couldn’t be left alone for very long, and before Crunchy’s temporary ruling as the makeshift leader did any real damage, the princess returned to the grand hall. “It was fun hanging out with you,” she had said. And he could tell she meant it.
“Hey, Jake?”
“What’s up?” his brother asked as they approached their house. The sun was fresh in the sky, but Finn could use a long nap.
“I think I’m mature now,” he said. The dog laughed, causing Finn to blush. “Hey! I’m being serious.”
“What makes you suddenly feel mature?” Jake asked.
Finn shrugged as they came to a stop just outside of their home. “I dunno, man. I feel like I chased P.B. all the time as a kid because I was trying to prove something, and now I don’t feel like I have to prove anything anymore. I just like hanging out with her.”
“What, did Flame Princess take you back or something? No longer need your option B?” The dog paused before laughing. “Ha. B for Bubblegum.”
“I’m being serious, man,” Finn said. “This is the first time I’m happy just… being me.”
Jake put his hand on his younger brother’s shoulder. “I’m glad, Finn. I think you’re pretty great, so I’m happy you think so, too.”
Stuff had been tame for a while until the whole “vampires are back in Ooo” thing happened. At first, Finn was admittedly a little offended when Marceline told him she had undergone a procedure to become mortal. Not because of her decision to no longer be a vampire, but because she didn’t even tell him until he came knocking on Bubblegum’s cabin door about the recent herd of bloodsucked animals a few towns over.
He understood. He really, really did. Marceline could never feel the sunlight, she could only eat shades of red, and there was, of course, the always-present-yet-never-obvious desire to drink blood that she had suppressed for centuries. But wasn’t a procedure like that too risky? Shouldn’t he and Jake have been there for moral support?
He was glad that Marceline and Bubblegum had gotten closer over the past few months, but he was worried the two girls were too spontaneous (which, coming from him, was truly saying something). Besides, no matter how competent the princess was with her experiments, this was Marceline’s life they were talking about. It didn’t matter. He promised her they would figure it out together and they would.
“Wait,” Jake said from his spot on the cabin’s floor. “If you’re unvampired, what are you now?”
“Huh?” Marceline asked. “What do you mean?”
“No, yeah,” Finn agreed. “You said you’re mortal, so you’re not a demon anymore?”
“I’m half demon.”
Jake shook his head. “Wait, wasn’t your vampireness what made you a demon?”
“That’s what I thought,” Finn added.
Marceline opened her mouth but Bubblegum beat her to it. “Guys, she was half human, half demon. Those were the two halves. Turning into a vampire is what made her immortal.”
Finn’s mouth dropped. “ Human?”
Marceline shrugged. “Well, yeah. Did you think I was born a vampire?”
Finn and Jake’s silence spoke for itself.
“My mom was human,” Marceline explained. “So I guess now that the vampire bits are gone, I’m half human again, making me mortal. Woohoo for dying eventually, I guess.”
Bubblegum cringed at that. Finn supposed Marceline did look more human than most people he knew. Sans the gray hue of her skin, pointed ears, and sharp teeth, Marceline looked like most humans he saw in those old movies.
“I guess I always thought the fangs were because you were a vampire.”
She poked at one of her sharper teeth. “Nah. Just some demon teeth.”
Finn scooted over and hugged his friend from the side. Marceline laughed. “What are you doing?”
He hugged her tighter. “You’re a human from hundreds of years ago! This means you could be, like, my grandma or something.”
She playfully nudged him. “Yeah, I don’t remember birthing any kids, so fat chance on that. But I guess this does make us partially the same species again. That’s pretty neat.”
She ruffled the human’s hair which caused him to erupt in laughter. Amongst the playful banter, Bubblegum spoke up.
“I’ll kill the three of you if you die of anything other than old age,” the former princess said. They all turned to her for a cue that it was a joke, but her face was dead serious. Even with her threat lacking any logic, Finn knew she'd find a way to make good on it. “Understand?”
The three mortals nodded because there really wasn’t another option.
When the group found out the vampires (whose powers Marceline had sucked way back in the past) were back, an uneasiness settled over them. Maybe Finn had grown too accustomed to Marceline’s brand of harmless pranking, because these vampires sounded like real grade-A jerks. For Marceline to have killed them? They must have been bad, bad bros.
Marceline gained her ability to fly back easily. The Fool was the vampires’ weakest member and an easy first kill. Beyond that, each one of them sounded impossible to defeat. Marceline would have been toasted by the Empress had Bubblegum not intervened with her newest invention. She saved Marceline seconds before she was mind-controlled, and that would not have been fun.
The group set up camp in the forest. It was too dangerous to stay at Bubblegum’s cabin and too difficult to hunt down the vampires during the day when they were hidden away from the world.
Until dusk turned to full-on nighttime, the four of them waited in the woods. Jake was taking a nap against a tree and Finn was sharpening some stakes, more than cautious now that he’d been up close with some of the vamps.
Bubblegum and Marceline sat on a log a few feet over as the former princess bandaged the latter’s wounds. The shattered ice from her battle with the Empress did a number on her, but it wasn’t anything that wouldn’t heal with time (or the Moon’s powers).
“It’s really nothing, Bonnie,” Marceline said as Bubblegum dabbed disinfectant on the cut right above Marceline’s eyebrow. Marceline winced. Bubblegum ignored her and grabbed another bandage.
“You’re mortal now, Marceline. That means the smallest infection can lead to death. I’m expecting at least another seventy years out of you, okay?”
Marceline laughed. “What? You’re still going to be my friend when I’m old and gray?” She abruptly stopped laughing, which caused Finn to look up from his spot against the tree.
Bubblegum had placed her hand on the half-demon’s cheek and brought Marceline’s eyes up to hers. Finn considered looking away, but modesty aside, they were having their conversation right in front of him. That was fair game in his opinion.
Marceline brought her own hand up and placed it on top of Bubblegum’s. The two stared at each other for a good thirty seconds straight, an entire unspoken conversation happening between them. Despite himself, Finn distractedly dropped the stake he was holding, causing both girls to break out of their trance and turn away from one another, cheeks red in embarrassment.
What the heck was that? Finn wondered.