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It wasn’t Louis’ fault. That’s what he kept repeating to himself as he stomped along the sidewalk in some random spot near LA. He’d been to the studio with an inconspicuous door and velvet covered inside before, but had never driven himself there. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to make his way anywhere near it without navigation on. And yet he stormed out without noting his surroundings and now he wasn’t sure where he was.
And it still wasn’t his fault. How was he supposed to know how sensitive people were? His questions were innocent and he didn’t see why it was such a big deal. It wasn’t like Louis hadn’t been asked what his penis size was a hundred times over in his career. It was all the same in Louis’ book.
Louis hadn’t wanted to be there in the first place. It was his manager Niall that forced him into it. Niall was always forcing him into it. Niall was the nagging mom telling Louis to finish his homework except that homework was his next album and Louis’ writer’s block had never been so bad. The last thing he wanted to do was write with some female friend of Niall’s that he didn’t know. For all he knew she was just someone Niall was sleeping with and she had sweet talked him into meeting Louis Tomlinson. It had happened once before with some wannabe stylist. Louis had walked the carpet in some hideous toole and was the laughing stock of the event all so Niall could continue to get pegged. He wasn’t doing that again.
When he walked in to see he actually did know her, he thought everything would be fine. He’d last known her as him so it hadn’t clicked. It was another reason why it wasn’t his fault. They’d been chummy back in the early years. He thought it was okay to ask.
When the afternoon heat was too much for him to handle in his jean jacket, he felt like he was dying. He was too dedicated to the look to take it off. He’d been adding to it in pen for years and it was still one of his favourite pieces. It was iconic in his opinion. But it was also hot and Louis needed a breather. Fully aware of the sweaty mess that he was, he walked up to the first business he found which happened to be a generic sushi restaurant that looked a little sketchy on the outside. The bubble letters of the sign outside were yellowed with age and visibly cracking and there was a long rust stain down the side of the building where something surely was about to fail. Still, he figured he could order a drink and soak in some cool air at the same time without being in too much danger.
The inside wasn’t any more impressive than the outside. There was a counter in a lemon yellow colour with a few bar stools when he first walked in. On either side of the open counter space were display cases showcasing the prepackaged sushi platters. It did not look appetizing.
What did look appetzing was the girl behind the counter. She had brown curls pulled back in a ponytail with a few pulled out around her face and perfectly applied makeup that made her look a little too perfect. She was also dressed in a way to accentuate her figure and features without being too revealing. Louis pulled up one of the stools and sat down, content with admiring the view.
“Can I help you?” She asked and leaned over the counter between them. “You don’t look like one of the regulars.”
She tapped a dollar store pen with a pink fake diamond at the top on a pad of paper and popped her gum.
“Never been here before,” Louis shrugged, “What do you recommend?”
She flipped to a different page on the notepad and then hummed.
“That one isn’t on the list.” She paused and looked up at Louis, sizing him up. “You’ve never been here before?”
“I think I would have remembered it,” Louis nodded.
“How did you hear about this place?”
“Honestly, I got tired of walking and came to this place first.”
She nodded slowly and closed the notepad. Glancing around, she leaned forward even more so the cleavage of her round breasts was even more visible and lifted a hand to stage whisper, “I think the sushi is a cover for drugs.”
“What?” Louis gaped at her. “You’re selling drugs?”
“Are you a cop?” she fired right back.
Louis frowned. It was rare that he wasn’t recognized everywhere he went. It was why he rarely did, and when he did, he had people to escort him. “No, I’m not a cop.”
“Prove it.”
The look she shot his way was challenging with a perfectly shaped brow arched in amusement. Louis hated cops. He needed them and he resented that he needed them. Louis hated authority figures in general and still had the automatic urge to get defensive even with his own security at concerts. He was definitely not a cop, but saying that would be something an undercover cop might say.
“How am I supposed to prove I’m not a cop?” he asked as he sat down at one of the stools in front of her. It had the feeling of an old diner while also being drab and in need of some serious updates.
“I can tell you’re not,” she said after a moment. “For one, only a dumb cop would wear Gucci shoes on an undercover mission.”
“Gucci?” he whispered to himself, glancing down at the boots he’d thrown on this morning. He knew they were designer, something expensive, but he hadn’t looked at the box when they’d shown up at his house with a whole mess of other fancy tops and trousers.
“And two, cops are more superficial. Harder to read them. I can tell you have something on your mind.”
She reached under the counter and then firmly let a bottle of sake clunk onto the top. She set two shot glasses out and then filled each before pushing one towards Louis. Now that he was closer, he could see that her nametag just had one capital H on it.
“What’s that short for? Harold?” Louis tried to make a joke. His voice didn’t deliver it and he saw a short stall of her motion for barely a second.
“Just H,” she said with a laugh.
“No one names their kid just a letter,” he frowned.
“We’re in California. I’m pretty sure I saw a child named X the other day. But if you need to, then you can call me Harley, but know that I’m just H.”
Louis tilted his head back as he took the shot, not waiting to see if H would do hers as well. He didn’t know why he was still here. He wasn’t in the mood to be around people. He wanted to be alone back in his studio sulking about how he can’t write anymore. But H poured him another shot and he didn’t leave. And then he watched H play with the big rings on her fingers and he still didn’t leave. He couldn’t find a reason to after that.
“So. Why are you selling drugs?” Louis asked once he’d unconsciously decided he wasn’t going to get up.
“I don’t. I was just hired to answer the phone and hand people their orders.” H shrugged and took the gum out of her mouth before taking her first shot. Her lipstick was still perfect with just a thin line left on the rim of the glass when she pulled it away and smiled. “I see maybe one person a day.”
“Sounds boring.”
“It is. But they pay very, very well.”
“I could be bored for a lot of money.”
Louis said it without thinking and then it clicked. He wasn’t having writer's block because he was broken, he was just bored. He was being paid a lot of money to be bored. He was tired of sitting around on long flights to another writer’s session where they would write boring songs that he would be bored performing and never wanted to use. He was bored being given a list of songwriters to choose from, the same recycled names or overenthusiastic newcomers he didn’t have the energy for. He was just bored. He needed the excitement that came with something organic and passionate. He wanted to feel that again but had never been able to pinpoint why he didn’t.
“I could put in a good word for you,” H offered with a smirk. “Though their hours are pretty limited and I have most of them covered.”
“Thanks, but I’ll pass. I make enough money being bored on my own.”
“Then you won’t mind tipping your bartender,” H smirked and pushed a little jar forward. He raised a brow and looked up at her, so intrigued by her behaviour. It had been a long time since someone had treated him as anything other than The Talent, The Star. Like a slow spread, it made him feel like a normal human again. His instinct was to make a rude remark, a snap comment about money being the only thing he was good for, everyone’s meal ticket as he sometimes said.
H was different. He could see the jest in H’s warm eyes, could tell it was genuine and that she wasn’t expecting him to actually do it. That was exactly why he did. He pulled his wallet from the pocket of his jacket and dropped a chaotically folded hundred dollar bill into her jar. Louis was now sure it wasn’t for tips at all and had held pens very recently. It made him laugh.
H went to fish it out and hand it back when Louis gently caught her wrist and pushed it back.
“Keep it. You’re the one working for drug dealers.”
H smirked and made a small show of tucking it down into her bra. She leaned over onto the counter again and Louis’ eyes were drawn to the corner of the bill sticking out with her cleavage.
“So… how does someone with that kind of cash end up down here without an order?”
“Had a — disagreement with a coworker and stormed off,” Louis confessed. He had to admit that he was starting to feel just a hint of guilt for his words now that he was starting to see it past his ego as a human again.
“I love other people’s drama. Keep going.”
H sounded giddy as she rested her chin on her hand and waited eagerly.
“My co— No, we’ll go with manager. My manager wanted me to go write with some friend of his that I didn’t know and I didn’t want to go in the first place. When I show up, it’s not just some random girl, but it’s someone I knew as him. Wrote some songs with him a few albums back. But he’s a girl now and I obviously had a lot of questions. Who wouldn’t? Someone you knew as a guy shows up as a woman and you don’t want to know if he’s chopped his balls off? I didn’t think it was out of line, but my manager ripped me out of the room and started reprimanding me like my mother so I left. Completely blown out of proportion if you ask me.”
He threw his hands up and let them fall back to the counter with a thud to emphasize his point. He was still in his feelings, huffing as he rolled his eyes.
“Louis,” H said after a long pause. Her voice had grown serious and yet was still gentle. He didn’t open his mouth to get defensive as he would with anyone else, especially when he was a bit tipsy. He wasn’t sure why his default responses didn’t come out for her. “I mean this in a constructive way. You were in the wrong.”
“No I’m not! It was innocent!”
H patiently shook her head and then her mouth opened in an aborted attempt at words twice before she spoke carefully.
“Let me put it this way. Would you ask any of your female friends about their periods? About their bra size?”
Louis scoffed. “No. Of course not.”
“Exactly.
“But he’s not—”
“No, no,” H held out a finger to stop him, the tip just a centimetre away from his lips. “First off, she. Second — She’s crossed over that line. She’s a woman and you don’t have a right to ask her anything you wouldn’t ask any other female friend. This is an educational moment for you so you don’t stick your foot in your mouth again. Don’t do it. If they bring it up and offer that information or offer to answer your questions, then that’s different. How you described it, that was not the scenario.”
“So I’m supposed to take your advice as a woman who doesn’t want to be asked about your bra size?”
“And here is a perfect example why you don’t ask those questions. There are many trans people that don’t want to draw attention to being trans. They’re out there living their lives as the gender they always felt they were and then the yous of the world are out there reminding them that it’s a possibility they’ll never quite fit in as they are. They’ll always be a curiosity to people or worse. It isn’t just about what surgeries they’ve had and it’s none of your business to know. How would like to be constantly asked if you’re circumsized?”
“But being circumsized is a normal cultural thing in places of the world,” Louis defended though he knew his argument was weak.
“I have a pretty thick skin because I’ve already lost everything once and built myself back up, but not everyone is in a place for that kind of prodding, however innocent you may think it is. You weren’t there for that. You were there to work.”
Louis had to agree with that at least, even if he was too stubborn to let it happen easily.
“It doesn’t make me feel any less curious,” he grumbled.
“Okay. I’m giving you permission to ask me those questions to get it out of the way,” H said with a small laugh. “Ask me what you want to know so you don’t make an ass out of yourself again.”
“What am I supposed to ask you?” Louis looked at her, confused. He didn’t have any burning questions about her body or lifestyle.
“As a trans girl, I can at least answer from my perspective.”
She shrugged and Louis had to run over her words several times to make sure he was understanding them correctly. Right there in front of him, H looked like any other young woman he might stumble across. He stared at her face and to find any indication of masculine features.
“I can see you thinking right now. You really need to work on your behaviour. Fame must have you stuck in an unrealistic bubble.”
“Fame?” Louis knew his eyes grew wide. He assumed H hadn’t recognized him.
“It’s the only reason I’m giving your behaviour a little grace. You don’t live in the real world.”
“What makes you think I’m famous?”
H fixed him with a look that called his bluff. Louis liked the feeling of someone not kissing his ass for once.
“Aside from the fact that we were in a battle of the bands competition together once, you have one of the most recognizable faces in music. It took me a second to confirm it since, obviously, why would someone like you be here, but I knew.”
There was only one battle of the bands competition Louis had ever been a part of and it was back when he was seventeen or eighteen. That was the summer one of his songs went viral and it had been non-stop ever since. He had watched every single band in that show and he couldn’t remember any of the bands having female members besides one drummer that definitely wasn’t the woman in front of him.
“I don’t remember you from that show,” Louis admitted. He wondered if his memories from before were fading.
“You wouldn’t.” H shrugged with a small smirk, “That was before all this.”
She gestured down her body and then Louis realized the pieces he’d missed putting together. Oh. Oh.
“Right,” Louis nodded. It wasn’t just those pieces he was putting together, they started to click on a wider scale as well. “Is it inappropriate to ask which boy you were?”
“I brought it up so it’s only fair.” Harry turned her rings on her fingers as she looked down at them for a few seconds. As if she’d decided something, she looked up at Louis with intent that grabbed Louis’ attention. “I also remember you because your friend smuggled in tequila and we all did shots in your van.”
“Oh shit.” Louis couldn’t help himself as he remembered the cherub face with dimples getting a little sloppy in the backseat. None of them were in the best shape, but Louis remembered gorgeous lips wrapped around his cock. He zeroed in on H’s lips and could now see the perfect bow and plush bottom lip from his memories even with the lipstick and liner. He couldn’t help the way he stared and wet his own lips.
Watching H blush from just his reaction did things to him that he wasn’t familiar with. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d had a legitimate connection with someone that went beyond the moment. Here they both were remembering something they clearly both enjoyed and it was powerful. So many people in his life were temporary and that was that. It wasn’t often he reconnected with anyone in his recent past let alone before he was famous. It was an anchor rope pulling him back down to the real world.
He felt bad that he didn’t even remember the kid’s name, but he guessed it didn’t really matter now. He did remember that it wasn’t his own band, but theirs that won the competition.
“What happened to your band?” he asked.
“We came out to LA, had a little success,” H shrugged, “Label wanted me to work with you once but your management said you weren’t interested.”
Louis had to think back and didn’t remember H ever being mentioned to him. Then again, he didn’t even know who H was so how could he?
“It’s okay. None of us were taken very seriously and got labelled a boyband.”
“Wait, you came here as a boy? Not like that?” Louis gestured.
“Yes. This,” she gestured as well, “Is why I am no longer in a boyband. Sort of.”
Louis reaches out and snatches her hand without thinking, holding it in sight as he zeroed in on something that sparked a memory.
“Harry Styles.”
He said it outloud as he thought it, the cross tattoo near her thumb leading his eyes to the anchor and then up to her lips. They were covered with perfectly applied lipstick and gloss, but Louis remembered them well from when they were messy and wet and wrapped around his cock.
Harry Styles was just becoming a household name as Louis was releasing his second album. He was surprised to find that the teen popstar didn’t want to be at the Teen Choice Awards any more than he did and they’d quickly found a stash of alcohol and got to it. He wasn’t sure why either of them had been allowed to be off leash for so long at an event, but it was enough time for Harry to get on his knees and Louis to sit back on the couch to watch the show. He remembered the mermaid tattoo as well and the giggled “it’s me. I’m a mermaid” when Louis had traced it with the tip of his finger. He hadn’t thought about the encounter in ages, but had wondered why he suddenly disappeared not long after. To the public Louis was only interested in women and it was unfortunate when a potential regular and trustworthy male hookup was suddenly taken off the table.
“You don’t sound the same,” Louis blurted out as he got a little hard remembering the feel of those lips and perfectly capable tongue.
“Vocal training,” H said back, for the first time looking unsure. “Not appropriate to ask,” she trailed off.
“Why are you working here?”
Her hand was still caught by Louis’ grip, frozen there between them, neither pulling away.
“Couldn’t go home after everything and surgeries are expensive,” H answered bluntly though her tone was soft, “It pays really well and in cash and I normally don’t have to do anything.”
“Surgeries?”
“I’ll give you a pass because I told you you could ask me things.” She turned her hand so she could link their fingers together and pulled his hand towards where she was leaning over the counter to give him a feel of what he assumed to be breast implants. They looked really good if they were and Louis moved his thumb where it landed on the exposed skin of her cleavage.
“Expensive,” she said as she held his hand there. “And,” she made a show of rolling her eyes downward and then looked back up at him. “Also expensive. Very expensive.”
“You got…?” Louis looked down in alarm as if he could see through the counter and layers of clothes.
Something changed in H’s eye when Louis glanced back up. There was a twinkle there now, a spark of mischief.
“Why don’t you find out?”
It was a challenge that went straight down to his dick. H was forward and Harry had the lips of an angel. He didn’t need to be told twice.
He came around the counter and leaned her back against one of the cases to kiss her the lipstick off her face. It was sticky and tasted sweet, the transfer leaving smears as Louis moved down to her neck. With a swipe of his hand, he nocked everything out of the way so he could lift her up onto the counter to stand between her legs. The dress she was wearing was a convenient choice which allowed his hand to slide up her inner thigh and rest over the soft cotton he found there.
It wasn’t a shock, but then again, it was. His hand didn’t find the gems he knew to be there hidden under her clothes. He found what he found with any other woman he’d ever been with. It was heady to be attracted to more than one version of someone and rubbed her with teasing strokes to see if her reactions would be the same.
When H let her head fall back with a breathy whimper, Louis circled the tips of his fingers in that spot and watched in awe as she reacted. It was different yet exactly the same. It was more. H spread her legs and one hand gripped his jacket.
“No one is going to walk in on this, are they?” Louis asked as both hands moved to slide her underwear down off her hips. H just shook her head, her eyes glossy with pupils already blown. He could see a hint of natural blush beneath the artificial application as well which made him proud.
She shook her head as Louis tossed the panties behind him and spread her thighs so her skirt rode up and gave him a view of her gorgeous pussy. H steadied herself with a hand behind her and he saw the small hint of unsurety while he looked, unashamed.
It shouldn’t have taken seeing to understand, but he did. H had parts just like anyone else. If he hadn’t known, it undoubtedly would have taken a bit for him to catch on that these parts were crafted and not just gifted by nature. He could imagine that was how she wanted to feel about herself, that she had been born this way.
Something clicked with Louis as he hooked a hand under each knee and pushed her legs up and apart so he could dive in face first. The way her legs spasmed in his grip with his first lick made more sense to him than any explanation anyone had ever given him. Bodies were just bodies and it wasn’t Louis’ business what anyone did with them. This was H, but it was also Harry and the energy between them felt the same as it had the first time they got each other off.
Manmade or not, Louis loved the taste of her when sought to find her most sensitive parts. Assuming things worked in the same general way, he mouthed around until H let out a little gasp and gave him every indication he was on the right track. For H, she squirmed when Louis favoured the right side of her clit with long strokes of his tongue and she gripped a fistful of his hair with short pokes of his tongue to the right.
His combination found a rhythm of moans and breaths that filled the small sushi shop with the music of his dedicated work.
It took longer than what Louis would usually consider his average for getting a girl to come, but he was rewarded for his patience when H nearly crushed his head with her thighs and moaned so loudly that it echoed.
She let herself collapse back on the counter, breathing heavily with her arms above her head. Spread out that way, Louis wanted nothing more than to tie her up and tease her until she begged him for it. Instead, he let the next invasive thought push through and he pulled out his dick as he stood. Rock solid and almost there, he let the tip rub against her spit-soaked clit until he came all over her perfect pussy without thinking of any of the consequences.
“That’s going to get all over my dress,” H said as she propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at his mess.
He was already admiring his work and reached out two fingers to scoop some drips of his come up and then push it inside her. He repeated the action until she was clean, finishing off by sticking his middle finger in deep and lifting it up to his mouth. He stared at her as he pulled it out, lickin it clean.
“Why was that so hot?” She asked with the same fucked out looked she’d had after sucking Louis’ cock.
Louis grinned as he tucked himself back in. “That’s where I’ll put it directly next time.”
“Next ti—”
The bell on the door clattered and they both jumped and scrambled to look presentable. It didn’t help much with lipstick stains down H’s neck and the remnants smeared into Louis’ beard.
“Louis, what the fuck??” Niall exclaimed as he barged in and then paused. “Oh, Hey H.”
“Hey H??” Louis asked incredulously. “Niall, what the fuck?”
“We’ve been friends for years if you ever accepted invitations to do anything,” Niall rolled his eyes, “Or if it wasn’t like pulling teeth to get you to work with anyone. Looks like you have no problem getting to work for yourself, though.”
Louis looked back and forth between the two of them as absolutely nothing made since and yet did at the same time. He looked back to H fixing the lines of her lipstick with the edge of one finger. It wasn’t doing much more than smearing the colour even worse.
“You still write?” he asked.
“I do.”
If anything, it was an excuse to see her again which was something he was very interested in.
“You free tomorrow?”
“Sure?”
Louis didn’t miss the hopeful light in her eyes as he asked.
“Niall, set it up,” Louis said with a nod, “And stop installing trackers on my phone. I’m a grown man. It’s annoying.”
“Then start acting like it.”
Niall rolled his eyes and H giggled.
“Shut it or I take it all back,” Louis pointed his finger at H but there was no venom behind his words. It took years to build up the walls and calluses he used to get through his days and only an hour to have them all ripped down by such a brief encounter. He didn’t quite know what that meant just yet, but something told him to let it happen. That’s exactly what he planned to do.