Archive of Our Own

Dendro. Some people consider the element as a poisonous one.

It helps fire spread. Burning, they call it.

One minute there is a simple spark, the next everything turns to embers. It slowly kills you: you choke on the smoke and your skin starts to melt as if you were a wax figure, easily moulded into a pile of goo. Scorched flesh and onyx lungs.

But Dendro also chokes you up with flowers.

The Sumeru Curse is the name of the elemental disease. Sometimes it feels like worse torture than the Natlan’s Skin disease that makes you feel like every inch of your body is being dragged across the ground, burning and prickling until you go haywire.

The Sumeru Curse takes over your lungs, Dendro sprawling everywhere until you cough up flowers.

It starts with a bloom, hence the other name for the disease: Blooming lungs. In no time, the scarce, innocent petal will turn into bloody flowers spilling into your hands until you’re drained of your blood. If you’re unlucky, you’ll wake up the next day and start another cycle of coughing and coughing and coughing until all there is left of you is a raw throat and tears.

Ayato doesn’t call it Blooming lungs, or Sumeru’s Curse. No. For him, it’s just his most unwelcome death sentence.

Itto likes to spend time with Ayato. It’s rare to find someone with an interest in beetles equaling his and it’s even harder to find a worthy opponent for beetle fights.

Ayato is both. And he has a nice laugh. And his pout is adorable. Plus he’s always using long words that sound really smart and fancy but he makes sure Itto understands him and takes time to explain himself when they talk about stuff Itto knows nothing about.

Itto watches as Ayato stretches his muscles. His back pops but he seems completely unbothered by it. “Archons, it’s gotten so late. Time flies when you have good companionship,” the young Kamisato Lord says. His eyes travel up and meet Itto’s. Itto’s heart feels like it’s being squeezed, he smiles awkwardly at the compliment.

“Huh-huh. You should go before your family starts to worry.”

Ayato smiles back, it’s gentle and filled with that same feeling Itto has seen time and time again on Ayato but he can’t describe. Ayato grabs his travelling terrarium for his beetle. “It was very entertaining, when can we do this again?”

“Well, I’ll be working tomorrow but then I’m free.” Itto stares at Ayato’s hands as he lures Elizabeth, his little beetle warrior, in her cage. “When will you be able to slip out unnoticed?”

“I’m not sure. But I’ll come find you as soon as I can,” Ayato has a nice smile too. Everything about him is nice. ‘Pleasant’, Ayato would say is more fitting.

“That’s fine.” He wants to squish the two pink cheeks framed by blue hair. The Kamisato siblings are unbelievably adorable, everyone shares that opinion. It’s not weird if Itto thinks Ayato is the cutest of the two.

“So… I’ll be going…”

Ayato looks at him as if he is expecting Itto to stop him. Or maybe Itto wants to keep him here and just thinks he sees that when it’s far from the truth. But when Ayato’s feet stay anchored to the ground, it feels like an invitation to get him to stay longer. “Wait!”

It comes out as a roar. Ayato jumps a little in surprise. His shoulders tense then relax.

“Yeah?” It sounds hopeful… Itto gulps.

“I could walk you back? I mean, you don’t have to say yes to be polite, just, er, yeah.” Itto clears his throat and uses those few seconds to gather his thoughts. Incoherent ramblings seem to be a thing Ayato brings out of him. “Do you mind if I accompany you?”

Ayato shakes his head. “No, that would be fine. I’d like that.” He is so elegant… Ravined? Rafined? Itto can’t remember the word.

Itto grins and hops next to his friend. “Let’s go!” He bumps their shoulders and sends Ayato stumbling for a few steps.

When he looks back, there is a confused frown on his face. “Er, aren’t you forgetting something?”

Itto tilts his head, puzzled about what he could have forgotten. It’s not like he carries much around, unlike his friend he doesn’t have tons of layers of expensive fabrics or carefully crafted bento boxes. Half the time, he doesn’t even bother to add his undergarment pockets.

Ayato raises his arm, showing off his terrarium. Elizabeth seems upset by the disturbance and flies against the wall as a warning. “Oh my Archon!” Itto feels the blood drain from his face. He turns around in panic, eyes searching wildly for a hint of purple.

Ayato’s hand settles on his shoulder and he points with his chin towards a tree where Itto’s beautiful warrior is resting.

Itto sighs in relief. “Thank you.” He goes over and carefully grabs his beetle and puts it in his own travel basket.

“You’re most welcome. Now that we’re both ready, we can go.” Itto smiles back, the tension in his shoulder dissipating when Ayato leads the way back to the road.

The trip is spent in relative silence, not an awkward one though.

Silence with Ayato is the kind where it feels like they’re even closer than when they’re screaming encouragement to their beetles, chatting about whatever Ayato needs to share (gossiping is hard when you’re a respected Commissioner) or just speaking about what odd job Itto is thinking about picking up.

Itto feels whole.

Their steps are in sync, their breaths follow the same pattern and their eyes lock at the same times, corners crinkling and laughs tinkering.

Ayato always makes him feel warm all the time but somehow Itto burns up when it’s just them existing next to each other and when they brush against each other he might as well explode into millions of fireworks.

It’s probably not normal. He’s never felt this way before.

Nobody makes his stomach squirm like that, nobody makes him feel like he is soaring through the skies just with a glance in his direction. Most of the time people looking at him make him anxious because they examine him and judge every action he takes. Ayato’s eyes make him feel like he grew wings and can float over the blooming sakuras, mesmerised by the mingling pinks and greens of the season.

He doesn’t hate the feeling at all.

Ayato is one of his closest friends, he can deal with a little head spinning whenever he gets a whiff of his soap.

“Itto? Arataki Itto?”

Itto snaps his head to the side. Ayato’s brow is creased and his lips are pressed thinly but he relaxes his face when Itto turns towards him. His mouth falls back into an easy smile and his eyes soften. “Daydreaming?”

Itto is a bit at a loss of what to say so he nods. He must look like an idiot. Although Ayato doesn’t judge people like that, he’d never think Itto is less than.

“What were you thinking about?”

You. Your cheeky grin. That one time you braid your hair and a strand fell over your eyes and you blew it away. Your laugh that rings like the skilfully played notes of a piano. You.

“I want lavender melon for dinner but I haven’t decided how I want it. You still need to try my roasted lavender melons by the way, I haven’t forgotten.”

Ayato giggles. “Okay. Well, I hope you drink and eat to your fill tonight.”

“I will…”

Ayato’s hand goes to rest against a wooden pole, it brings Itto’s attention to their surroundings. They have stopped outside the Kamisato clan’s house.

But Ayato is still here, staring back at him.

Itto doesn’t know what possesses him but he wraps his arms around Ayato’s waist, it’s not very large compared to the wooden barrels he sometimes carry around and a bit less heavy so he easily hoists him up.

Ayato squeaks in panic but then their eyes meet again and his sporadic giggles fills the air.

Itto closes his eyes and focuses on the bursts of laughter, the warmth that Ayato’s body brings him and the serene feelings he is engulfed by.

He opens his eyes again when Ayato starts coughing. He quickly puts his friend down, afraid he caused the fit, and watches as Ayato coughs thickly several more times.

“Are you okay?”

Ayato puts a thumb up but Itto isn’t convinced. When Ayato’s sight finds its way back up, he clears his throat and smiles. “It’s probably getting a bit too cold for me. I’ll go inside now. Have a nice evening, Itto.”

“You too, drink some tea.”

Ayato nods and slips into the building.

Itto sighs and crouches down, putting his head in his hands and glaring at the ground. He just grabbed Ayato for no reason and completely ignored his personal space. He’s pretty sure he nuzzled into Ayato’s stomach when Ayato was laughing and it would be hard not to notice it.

Why did he do that? That was dumb. Ayato might hate him now, what if he faked a cough to get away from Itto…

No. That’s ridiculous. He is being ridiculous. Ayato doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, he is probably just a bit sick. It’s true that the weather is a bit colder lately, perhaps they should move their beetle races somewhere inside.

Itto is ready to get back up and he notices a small white burgeon. It’s just a tiny bud but it looks nothing like Inazuman flowers.

“Watcha doing here buddy,” he asks to the fragile bloom. Mondstadt and Liyue have white flowers, don't they? Maybe a merchant was travelling along this road with flowers and this fell out. Nothing to worry about.

Itto puts it in his pocket, he can show it off to other people.

If it’s foreign it might even be worth some mora since it's rare. Maybe he can buy something for Ayato with the profit.

Ayato clears his throat. It feels like he just ate a lit match. He never had allergies and it does not feel like a pollen allergy but he’s been coughing a lot lately. When he looks back up, Elizabeth has been pushed past the line of the matching ring. Ayato groans. “Not again!”

Itto laughs, Ayato looks up and stares at his friend. Itto is beautiful but seeing him happy is simply mesmerising. He wouldn’t regret dying on the spot if it meant the last image he saw would be Itto’s smile.

But he also just won yet another fight so Ayato pushes his lips out and crosses his arms like a petulant child. “That’s not fair, you know Elizabeth got distracted because I was coughing. She’s worried about me!”

Itto doubles over, he holds his stomach and crosses his legs as if he was laughing so hard it made him want to pee. Which isn’t something Ayato has already experienced after Itto made a dumb job, do not listen to Thoma as he doesn’t know what he is talking about.

“Hey, don’t make fun of me!”

Itto looks up, some hiccups manage to escape his throat but he calms down after a few seconds. Ayato flinches when Itto raises his hand but to his surprise it’s not to smack his back (which by the way, getting smacked by this giant of a man really hurts). No, instead he ruffles Ayato’s hair. Ayato pushes back against the hand.

He opens his mouth to take a breath that never came.

He quickly has to turn away, elbow flying to cover his mouth before the first cough comes. By the time he is done, he is left heaving and panting like a dog left under the scorching sun.

”Oh Archons, can you breathe now? Are you okay?”

Ayato doesn’t reply straight away because on his sleeve, covered in spittle, is a white piece of… flower?

It looks like a flower but it’s not a whole petal, maybe a torn piece of petal. And it came out of his mouth. Why else would it be on his sleeve? Thoma never uses flowers in his cooking except for very much not white sakura petals.

If a part of a flower came out of his mouth it can only mean one thing, right?

He has the Sumeru Curse. He has Blooming Lungs disease. Dendro is spreading like wildfire in his lungs. And he is so screwed because there is no way he can survive it.

He’s read about it before. He can’t be wrong about this. Everything lines up, the coughing lately, the flower he just saw. Elemental diseases aren’t that rare, it has to be it.

“Ayato, can you hear me? Oh no, are your ears ringin-”

“I’m okay.” He smiles, it comes easily. Forced but easy. The petal is probably falling to the ground and he moves his arm back to his side. “I probably caught a cold.”

“The weather hasn’t been nice.”

“No, it really hasn’t.” Ayato tries to focus on making small talk. His brain is scattered in strands of thoughts that seem to never end.

Itto can’t know.

No one can, not Thoma, not Ayaka and especially not his father. He doesn’t want his father to be disappointed. He’d never forgive Ayato for dying from having fallen in love with someone so hard.

Blooming Lungs appear when two conditions are met: you have leftover Dendro energy in your lungs and your feelings for someone are so strong they’ll physically make you sick.

Ayato can’t be in love.

It’s wrong. He needs to marry a good girl, from a good lineage, who will be the perfect daughter-in-law for his father.

No one he knows fits the Kamisato patriarch’s standards so Ayato can not be in love.

Recovery from Blooming Lungs is impossible, but if you know the cause of it, you can make the symptoms evolve at a slower pace. Or at least that’s what Ayato’s heard.

The goal is to avoid any contact with the person you have feelings for, the one whose love blossomed. They might be a constant in your life, like the sun watching over you, but you must run away unless you wish for your wings of wax and feathers to be melted causing you to fall to your death.

In Ayato’s case, he doesn’t even have the option to escape that person.

He has no idea what – or rather who – is making him cough out the teared up pieces of flowers. The only thing he knows is that the flowers are Cecilias.

He found out when he visited the florist. He actually remembered seeing them before as Cecilias are sometimes used at weddings, especially expensive ones, but Ayato has never seen the appeal of them hence why he never bothered learning their name. He sees even less beauty in the flower now that it comes out his throat.

At least, he got some respite because he had many tasks to take care of and didn’t see as many people as usual. Apparently the more he works, the less the person he developed feelings for is on his mind or in his orbit.

It helped reduce the list of possible love interests by a fair share.

He was a bit scared he could be Thoma, not that he isn’t a lovely young man but there would be no way his father would approve of a foreigner as a prospect. None of the other people that regularly work at the estate triggered a fit so they’re not responsible for the disease either.

His throat has cleared up a bit. Thoma makes him tea and they have bought some honey and citrus to soothe his throat. Ayaka has taken care of any duty that would make him go outside.

It’s not exactly great to feel so dependent on others but he doesn’t have a plan of action yet. The first thing he needs to do is figure out how to break the news to his father and his sister…

How is one supposed to announce they’re dying?

“Hello, father just wanted to let you know you’re going to have another son if you want an heir to carry on your name.”

Ayato sighs over the pile of paperwork he can’t focus on.

His workload was reduced to include only the important things he, as the Yashiro Commissioner, has to do. He is already done with most and has gotten some other less urgent matters out of the way therefore the rest can wait. There’s so many things he wants to do instead of finishing this. He hasn’t seen Itto in a long time and Elizabeth is becoming restless from not having been able to use her excess energy in a battle.

He wants to take a break. His throat is getting itchy but Thoma just brought him another cup of tea and will probably refuse to make another if he comes begging for more.

He stretches his limbs and picks up a random paper only to sigh when he reads the content. His mind is not here. Every word is gibberish, just scribbles on paper. He doesn’t understand how his father could have done this for decades

He definitely needs a break.

Just as he is about to give up a knock comes from behind the door. “You may enter,” he says as he puts down the paper.

His eyes shift back to the door and his throat closes up.

Itto is standing here, he has a little plate with two tea cups and some tricolour dango. He beams at Ayato and Ayato wants to talk to him, to ask him how he’s been since they last saw each other, if he would like to set up a beetle fight soon but all that comes out is a cough. And a second, third and fourth one.

It turns into a full-blown coughing fit, Itto takes the few steps that keeps them away and starts rubbing his back with his free hand. Ayato feels like electricity is coursing through his body, it sends a shiver down his spine and his coughing slowly recedes.

“Better?” Itto frowns a little in worry.

His hand is still rubbing circles on Ayato’s back, it’s reassuring. Somehow he feels like he isn’t slowly dying when Itto is there. He brings warmth everywhere, like the sun does. Although it’s different, Itto is radiating day and night. He is a constant source of light.

“Yeah,” Ayato replies, offering a weak smile. “Sorry. This must have been the worst welcome ever.”

“Eh,” Itto shrugs. “I’ve seen worse.”

Ayato chuckles bitterly. “Don’t try to comfort me.”

“Okay, big guy, I won’t.” Itto hits his back a few times before taking his hand away. Ayato presses his lips together, he can’t exactly ask him to keep rubbing his back but he would have loved to.

Which isn’t a normal thing to think about. Not after having had his worst coughing fit in a week. He should be thinking about the plant in his body but instead his thoughts are directed to Itto, imagining the Oni staring at him, feeling so incredibly happy to see his friend.

It’s not right. He shouldn’t think about Itto when his coughing just came back much stronger than before.

Ayato freezes. No. That can’t be.

Itto puts down the tea set that stayed intact in his other hand. “Thoma didn’t want me to bring you tea, something about you having raided the tea cabinet, but I begged him to make one for you too and he gave in. Which is why I have tea for the both of us plus tricolour dango.”

Ayato stares up at Itto. The other man has a soft smile on his lips as he sets the two cups on each side of the table and the food in the middle. His cheeks and nose are a bit red, it’s chilly outside today and he probably walked all the way here without a coat, or at least a shirt, just to see Ayato…

A cough.

Ayato puts his hand over his mouth and turns his head away. His chest is shaken by another cough, it’s more stinging than usual. He looks at Itto and hopes his friend can see how painful it is for him to make this decision before he runs out of the office.

His mind is filled with the strangled complaint that Itto let out as he rushes through the building, pain building up until he collapses on his bed. His head is spinning from both the coughing and having run. His breaths are short and ragged between two coughs.

Itto looked betrayed… And Ayato just left him like that. He left the man he loves alone, without an explanation.

The man he loves… Because that’s what the warm feeling is.

Ayato holds in his tears. He has enough trouble getting air in his lungs as it is, he doesn’t need more reasons to choke.

His coughing doesn’t get worse, fortunately. He does cough out a piece of flower, white like usual, before it stops.

He stares at the flower. Now he can see the appeal. Itto is definitely one to like white flowers. He likes flowers, that much Ayato knows because Itto was amazed by his herbarium and Ayato offered him to take one of the dried flowers home. He chose a daisy.

Itto would look nice in a crown of Windwheel Aster and Cecilias. Ayato coughs a little.

He can’t stay away from Itto. No one makes him feel as at ease as Itto does, no one accepts him fully like Itto does. There’s just no way he can take away this feeling of security he enjoys whenever Itto is near. Not even for the sake of his health.

And Itto… What would he feel if Ayato vanishes from his life without a word of explanation? Surely, even once Ayato would pass, he wouldn’t understand that it was only the strength of his love that drove him away…

He can’t avoid Itto, but more importantly, he can’t let Itto know.

Ayato knows Itto well enough to be sure the Oni would blame himself for Ayato’s condition. He would carry so much guilt… Itto can not, in any way, learn Ayato has feelings for him, much less than he has Sumeru’s Curse.

Ayato won’t tell him. Never.

Yae Miko is a very curious person. Some would even call her nosy but when you lived as long as she did, it’s rare to find anything entertaining.

Sometimes rumours can prove most captivating. Some are tragic, others amusing but the ones Yae likes most are the mysterious ones. The ones no matter how much you ponder over, you can’t figure out the ending.

Mysteries range from a Traveller from no nation known to her appearing out of nowhere to a young influential man having fallen ill out of love.

Or at least that’s what is being said about Ayato Kamisato.

Blooming Lungs… A rare ailment.

In her lifetime Yae hasn’t seen a lot of cases. The ones she was a witness to were tearjerker stories. One old woman got the disease after her husband passed, she became so weak she passed after only a few days. Another was a kid. Sweet thing but he had a heart too big for life. The parents were inconsolable. Poor souls.

If the young Lord is indeed sick, the entire nation will soon mourn him.

Yae wonders something. Who made Ayato fall so deeply in love? Sumeru’s Curse is rare because your feelings need to be extreme, some say it’s because you only get sick if your loved one is your soulmate. What would Ayato’s soulmate look like?

She decides to lead an investigation. It’s not often he visits the shrine but his next visit is long overdue, she just needs to make sure she can ambush him. The shrine maidens don’t mind her constant presence too much, they seem eager even to see more of the Guuji.

The young man appears with his sister on a rather sunny day, Ayaka is quickly called over by a shrine maiden and leaves her brother alone, vulnerable to hungry wolves…Or foxes..

That’s when Yae strikes. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Ayato Kamisato. Hello,” she smiles as she approaches him.

He frowns and takes a polite step back. “Hello. It’s nice to see you.”

“What a nice day, is Thoma not with you today?” Thoma. He has always shadowed the siblings, ever since they were little, surely that would lead to some feelings quite different from the ones shared by your usual servant and master.

“No. He had other matters to attend to but I’m sure you don’t find his visits too far between.”

“Unlike yours. A birdie told me you’ve caught quite the sickness.”

His scowl deepens. His guard is now up, his shoulders are tense and he grits his teeth. “I’ll get over it. It’s just the weather.”

“I’m sure of it. Which makes me think, I heard Kojou Sara also fell ill. There might be a bug going around.”

Ayato seems resigned to having to make small-talk and doesn’t even notice Yae dropping in the names of at least every person on the island plus a few outlanders and Inazumans from other islands.

Yae gauges his reactions but nothing out of the ordinary happens, he only perks up when his sister is brought up in an attempt to talk about Thoma again because Yae just wants to make sure. She knows humans are quite fond of the brothers falling in love trope, which she can’t really understand but many would call Thoma the third Kamisato sibling so it’s worth trying.

She decides to retreat, it’s a strategic choice. She needs to reevaluate her assumptions, maybe dress a list of everyone it could be…

In the meantime, she looks around. Her eyes fall upon one of the broken fortune slip stands they haven’t gotten around to repair yet.

“Oh, it makes me think, you’re friendly with the Arataki kid? Can you find someone to send him our way, we’re in need of some handiwork.”

Ayato pulls on his collar and clears his throat. “Sure.”

Yae doesn’t bother to hide how wide her eyes turn. She watches intently, ears alert to pick up any sound that will confirm her theory. Ayato’s facade doesn’t last long, he is coughing in his elbow less than a second later.

Itto Arataki… It’s certainly not what one would consider a match made in heaven.

She does see how it could have happened though. Ayato has never been the one to conform. He let himself go with the flow, following orders and fulfilling his duty as the Yashiro Commissioner but even his father failed to mould him to be the perfect heir. As an adult, Ayato still played with beetles and got home with mud up to his elbows and dirt on his face, beaming in pride like a child would.

Yae sighs. Poor Ayato. Dying is one thing but dying because you found a safe place in someone that accepts you for who you are is just the worst of all fates.

“He is a good man. Almost too good for you I’d say.”

Ayato looks up, eyes wide in panic and a last cough dies in his throat. “What? Do… Do you know? How?”

She puts her hand on her cheek, staring at the boy in front of her.

Distress makes him look younger, maybe because Yae is able to remember how little time he spent on this earth compared to her through the fear in his eyes. No one wants to die but the cruelty of being taken away, teared away from your life when it is barely starting makes everything more torturous.

“It’s not something you can hide. People will know soon, they already suspect it. The Dendro energy spreads fast, it will decay your lungs from the inside. Look out for any root when you vomit something.”

Ayato nods stiffly. His eyes nervously jump around and he lowers his voice: “Can you please keep it secret. At least until my family knows.”

Yae doesn’t like to take pity on people but she knows what it’s like to be in love and to ache from it so she shows some pity and agrees to staying silent on the subject.

Ayato is able to find his sister, their visit is cut short by a complaint of a sore throat. Ayaka is disappointed to leave, she looks forlorn as she waves a goodbye to the shrine maidens. Yae sighs. This story is going to make more than one person miserable if the way the Shirasagi Himegimi clings to her brother and chides him is any indication.

The Natsu Matsuri is a long-awaited celebration in Inazuma. Ayato has been excited for it to come. Mostly because it signifies the warmer months.

The one thing he deplores is that it makes it harder to explain his sore throat. The middle of spring tends to get chilly: some snow might sparsely cover the mountain tops and without a scarf and gloves you can catch a cold. Summer is a different story.

At least now he has a reason to feel dizzy.

His latest symptom is troublesome. After a coughing fit, stars fill his eyes and his ears get this numb feeling along with some ringing.

He pretends he didn’t drink enough, that the heat got to him. Taking the weather into account, Thoma has stopped bringing him scalding tea, preferring to watch him as he tries to finish his second pitcher of iced tea.

Ayato feels heavy and bloated from everything people force him to drink. One day he puked water, it was a nice change from having petals coming out his mouth. As nice as retching liquid can be, it definitely beats the time he threw up noodles in terms of pain.

The night of the festival, he struggles to get up.

Everything is spinning, he was holed up in his room coughing all day. Elizabeth is being loud, it frustrates him to no end. He hasn’t been able to let her out in a while, he is restless to go outside but he can’t see or even think about Itto. It’s too dangerous.

He still doesn’t know how to tell his family.

Ayaka has started to take action to force him to rest. He’s pretty sure someone has been following him around when he leaves the estate and she isn’t very discreet when she snatches some files from his desk to lessen his workload.

It’s sweet but he feels guilty. Not only is he lying to her, he also fails her as an older brother. She should be the one having it easy and being protected.

He makes a slow trip to his wardrobe, blindly grabs the nearest garment that looks thin enough to be breathable while keeping him warm once the moon and fireworks are the only thing in the sky.

Itto will be there.

They talked about it briefly when they bumped into each other in the streets. Itto had smiled so brightly when Ayato confirmed he would be present. Maybe as much as Ayato did when Itto said he was going too.

It was a short exchange but Ayato still carries the warmth of it around. His heart beats wildly when he recalls beads of sweat Itto wiped with a toothy grin. His veins were well defined because he was helping a merchant load his carriage. Ayato had shared his gourd with his friend and didn’t mind having some water taken off his shoulder (or rather out his stomach).

Ayato’s mood shifts to giddiness as he puts on the layers of clothing. It feels perfect: not too hot, not too cold. It’s comfortable. He finds his mirror and spins to check everything is in place. Tradition would have him wearing a more fancy garment, something less modern but he doesn’t feel like pleasing people.

His outfits need to fit his needs. And today he wants to breathe properly for the first time in a while.

The upper layer of the flowy robes is made out of red organza and it glistens under the light, it covers another layer of organza but instead of a crimson colour it’s a simple white that will probably end up brown by the end of the night. Below is a simple silky skirt with a flower pattern embroidery that matches the one for the top.

Organza is nowhere to be found for the upper part of the garment: the fabric is plain silk. It’s complemented by the embroidery slowly shifting from a white colour to a navy blue. Ayato has an additional layer of voile that matches the carmine colour of the first layer of organza.

Elizabeth starts buzzing harder. Ayato sighs and goes over to her terrarium. “Sorry, Milady, I can’t do much for you.” She flies from one end of the glass cage to another, almost as if to show displeasure.

Ayato’s heart tightens.

He hasn’t been good to the people and beetles around him…

Thoma knocks on his door, Ayato can tell from the slight limp in the steps. Thoma recently hurt his foot when he was out on an errand, he has been struggling to walk since and has been told not to move around much. Ayaka somehow managed to make him agree to stay inside tonight, she promised they would have another firework show later just for him.

“Are you ready,” Thoma asks. “Lady Ayaka is waiting for you.”

Ayato pushes a strand of hair away from his face. He doesn’t have the energy to tie his hair, he’ll just let it down for the night. It’s not too windy so it won’t bother him.

“I’ll be right out. And go sit down for Archons’ sake.”

Thoma huffs, feeling cocky because of the door separating them. His steps resound in the hall once again and fade. Ayato feeds Elizabeth, she probably doesn’t need that much food since she can’t really do much but he worries she might hate him even more if he doesn’t treat her like the spoiled princess she is.

When he goes out of his room, he joins his sister.

Ayaka is wearing a kimono that was tailored for this event, it’s in honour of the traveller if the little flowers and feathers on the pattern are anything to go by.

Ayato uses the occasion to slip into his annoying big brother role. “Well, well, well… Seems like you miss someone.”

Ayaka turns beet red, it could rival the brightness of Ayato’s outfit. “It’s not like that,” she grumbles. “The traveller is going to be there, and they finally agreed to have me repay them… I just didn’t want the leftover fabric to go to waste.”

“How thoughtful.”

Ayaka huffs and kicks her feet. Heavy footsteps are heard in the hallway. Ayato straightens his back and Ayaka’s face goes blank. She quickly brushes herself off and straightens her back as her lessons on elegance told her to do.

Their father enters the room, his cane hits the floor solemnly when he comes to a halt.

Ayato stops breathing for a second, too afraid somehow he’ll do something wrong but the former Kamisato Lord just looks him over and turns away. “Ayaka, I can’t find my brooches.”

“Oh, I think Thoma was cleaning them earlier, I’ll go fetch them from him.”

The older man nods and goes to sit on a chair. It’s a miracle he is still alive now. He had had quite the injury a few years back. Every doctor thought he was taking his last breaths yet a miracle happened and he survived. His recovery blew away every medical staff, they wouldn’t have dreamed of seeing him walking again. Yet, here he is, with his cane but still.

Ayato glances at his father.

He looks worn. Even if he isn’t the Kamisato Lord anymore, the title now belonging to Ayato himself, he still wants to be a forefront of the Clan. Every minute of his day is spent either on his health or helping others. Much like his son.

Ayato wishes his father was dead.

It would make his life so much easier.

“Is something on your mind?”

Ayato jolts. He didn’t catch what his father said because he was thinking about the burden taken off his shoulders if his father hadn’t survived his injury. Archons… What would his mother think if she was still there? His father frowns and repeats himself.

“Oh. No. Yes. I just have something I want to tell you.” He’ll just come out with it. He has Sumeru’s Curse. “I-”

Steps and voices interrupt him. “Go back to your room!” A shriek. “Hey! Give it back! Thoma!”

Said man enters the room, smiling triumphantly at the brooch he holds. Ayaka follows right after, her kimono is a bit ruffled and she looks like she just fought a battle. She probably did, some wars take place in corridors over jewellery.

Thoma happily goes to help the patriarch of the family put his brooch on. Ayaka looks at Ayato. “Did we interrupt something? Sorry, I told Thoma we didn’t need his help but you know him…”

“That’s okay…”

Ayaka glances out the window. “We should get going now, I told the Traveller we would meet before the fireworks show.” Ayato snickers. His sister presses her lips together, seemingly trying really hard not to go pull his hair.

“Father, are you ready,” she inquires instead of trying to kill her brother.

“Just a minute.” Thoma is helping him get on his feet, nevermind the fact that his own aren’t in good shape. Their father’s cane trembles under his weight but he stabilises himself quickly. “Okay. We can leave.”

The three of them set off. Thoma sends them away like a mother hen, he looks close to tears when they cross the gates. Ayato almost forgot he had meant to tell his father about the flowers infecting his lungs until their earlier talk is brought up again.

“So, Ayato, what did you mean to tell me?”

Ayaka turns to him, turning her head quizzically. “So I was interrupting something…”

“It’s nothing that important. We can talk about it later.” Ayaka looks unconvinced, she can probably see right through his lie.

They’re siblings after all; she saw him lie about who broke their mother’s favourite vase to stay out of trouble. If he isn’t telling the truth, she can and will snuff it out of him.

He clears his throat.

“Are you still sick,” she nags. “I told you if you were unwell I wouldn’t let you come! I’m not against dragging you back home.”

Ayato sighs and hurries his pace. He got the coughing out of his system already, he could barely take two steps this morning and was in agony the entire afternoon. “I’m fine. It’s just a cough.”

His sister catches up effortlessly. “A cough that has been going on for weeks.” Even if she is slightly smaller she manages to take strides bigger than him and blocks his path. Hands on her hips, lips pressed thin and a frown covering any hint of her kindness. “You need to see a doctor, Ayato!” Her yell echoes in the forest.

Ayato feels his heart drop.

Anger isn’t usually something his sister feels. Not like that. Usually she is upset because Ayato ran off somewhere, or because he didn’t give his laundry in time and Thoma has to do twice as much work.

She never had been so worried she had to raise her voice like that. Usually it’s whispered angrily as she pulls him aside. It’s not in front of anyone. Least of all their father who just caught up to them.

“What’s wrong with your brother?”

Ayato tries to plead with Ayaka. His eyes are begging her to keep quiet but she doesn’t hesitate to reply to their father. “He is sick. He has been sick for a while.”

“No! I’m fine! It will pass, it’s probably nothing. Don’t fret.”

The silence that follows is excruciating. His father is staring, trying to get a read on him and Ayato feels like he is going to crumble any second.

Ayaka is the one to speak up first. “Let’s talk about it later. We have somewhere to be.”

Ayato gives her a grateful smile. She doesn’t reciprocate it, she looks away and starts walking in silence. Their father follows, his cane hits a rock and it echoes. Ayato coughs. His lungs are burning.

He goes after them but he ends up being even slower than the older man. His head is spinning by the time they get to the actual festival. Ayaka introduces their father to the Traveller and they go off to chat over a food stall.

Ayato is relieved to be left alone. The silent treatment his sister is giving him is probably worse than having flowers growing in your lungs and trying to kill you.

The thing he is most looking forward to tonight is to finally talk to Itto again. He walks around, dodging through the crowd. His eyes trail over the forms of the attendees but none have the white hair and red horns he wants to spot.

That is until he hears an obnoxious but so familiar laugh. Ayato is pretty sure his heart skips a beat. He whips around and beams when Itto enters his sight.

He looks glorious.

His kimono is purple and white with some hints of blue and he has pink cherry blossoms scattered in hair. Ayato wouldn’t be surprised to hear it’s the work of some kids Itto just met, Itto never refuses a makeover from children.

Ayato takes a step forward but right when he is about to call out for the man, his own name is called. He turns toward the person and finds himself faced with the lacquerware maker. “Lord Kamisato! It is lovely to see you here!”

Ayato gives his usual pleasant smile and a polite bow. “The pleasure is mine. This year’s festival is even better than the last.”

“It is. Did you know The Raiden is here to celebrate? How exciting to see so many renowned people! I had a chat with the Traveller and Paimon earlier but your sister snatched them away…”

He laughs out of politeness. “Is that right? Ayaka has been looking forward to seeing our old friends… Sumeru has stolen them away from us.”

“Though, rumour has it they found quite the company over there. It’s like this world is made for them to always have a place to call home.”

“I do not envy them. Inazuma has seen my birth and will see my death.” Probably sooner than later too.

“Aw, don’t be so grim on such a festive day. Anyway, I know people want to talk to you so I’ll set you free.”

Ayato watches as the woman leaves but enjoys no respite as a food vendor comes up to him and offers a plate of his goods. Soon he is surrounded by people, all trying to talk to him and get him to try their products.

Itto has moved so Ayato can’t see him anymore but he still feels drawn to the place his friend was earlier. He just wants to talk to Itto…

The words all mush together, mouths are moving all at once, sentences get mixed up… Ayato smiles, he tries to get some order but more people join in crowding him. He stumbled a little. “Please, calm down. How about we-”

BOOOM.

The warning shot is fired, every head turns toward where the first firework lit the sky. Some ohs and ahs are heard and Ayato feels like he can breathe again. No one is looking at him anymore.

Stealth has never been his forte but he slips away unnoticed by the mass that’s moving to a better location to watch the fireworks.

It’s almost surprising how light he feels now that he is forgotten by all. He no longer feels anger and frustration, his heart is not weighing him down.

He feels so weightless. His legs don’t pull him down, they feel numb. He moves his head too quickly and his vision is filled with dancing spots but he pushes on and tries to focus on finding red horns.

Itto isn’t hard to find. When everyone tried to take a seat, he stood proudly, looking as breathtaking as the carefully chiselled prow of a boat.

Ayato hurries, he wants to see the fireworks with the person he loves most. Itto turns his head and Ayato stops in his tracks.

Itto says something to a girl Ayato recognises quickly. It’s Kujou Sara. She has a soft smile on her face. She’s pretty. And Itto is grinning at her, he looks happy to be with her.

It feels like being stabbed straight through the heart. Which is wrong because Itto deserves everything good. Just because Ayato is going to die doesn’t mean Itto should be cursed with misery too. Ayato got his ever consuming love, what right does he have to refuse it from Itto?

He pushes back the jealousy and tries to focus on how much happier he is to know there is someone out there to make Itto smile like that.

He is not jealous… So why does it hurt?

His head spins ever more. The ground feels like it’s moving.

Ayato doesn’t have time to react before he collapses. His chin hurts so much, it got hit pretty badly. He is sure it’s bleeding. He barely registers the shrieks of passersby when a cough rattle his body.

Ayato can’t really tell what’s going on around him. His ears are ringing and when he turns his head and tries to call for help he only sees white and a cough replaces his cry.

He doesn’t cough much. His breathing gets caught in his throat. He gags as no more air gets in or out and at the same time he feels a hand tightening around his arm, he feels himself falling into unconsciousness.

Ayaka loves her brother. She truly cherishes him.

But now she isn’t sure how to feel about him. About his lie.

Her first reaction was relief, relief to know he was okay when the doctor announced the fainting was only a result of poor oxygenation. Then came worry as he explained this probably would happen again. Shock was next because who wouldn’t be shocked to hear their brother is suffering from Blooming Lungs with how rare it is. Lastly, she felt rage.

How dare me hide this from her? How dare he pretend everything was fine when death loomed over his head? How dare he?

It was hard to accept it.

Thoma had to restrain her, she wanted to tear everything apart when she realised what was going on.

Ayato had been hurting for so long and she didn’t even notice… Guilt and anger. Why did he not tell her?

She was also curious. Her brother had never shown interest in anyone. As a kid, he ignored rumours about love, too carefree to involve himself in anything besides playing with mud and climbing trees. Heartbreak was not in his vocabulary.

Teenagehood didn’t trigger anything in him. He lost interest in mud, or rather didn’t have the freedom to go there anymore. Especially after their father’s accident, he was thrown into the world of diplomacy and leadership.

In a way, Hydro is a perfect fit for him. He just goes with the flow, he lets the river take him on his way. Ayato does what’s expected from him… And falling in love isn’t that.

Hearing his diagnosis made Ayaka realise her brother was just like her.

Both of their hearts fluttered when they got a glimpse of the person they love. Their stomachs both twisted in apprehension whenever they tried to reach out in a way that meant so much more than just platonic appreciation…

Ayaka also realised that her brother wouldn’t be there to see her be loved back.

She sighs as she watches Ayato lying on his bed. He’s been in and out of consciousness for the last few days but last time he got up, he seemed healthy enough to be woken up next time.

Thoma is currently cooking some food and Ayaka was tasked to shake her brother awake.

It’s hard.

He looks vulnerable now, the lens she sees him through has changed. He became more like her overnight, not this unreachable figure. Her hand can finally get a hold of him, feel him and not a ghost of him.

“Ayato,” she calls but he doesn’t stir. She sits down next to him and takes the blanket off him. “Ayato, come eat.”

He grumbles something and moves in order to warm himself up. “Later,” he slurs.

She gently puts the cover back on him. Thoma would have forced on but she doesn’t have the energy to. “We’ll warm up your food once you’re up.”

Ayaka can’t bring herself to leave just yet. It’s soothing to hear his tiny breaths, they’re a bit shallow but still present. Whenever she leaves, she can’t help but wonder when she’ll stop hearing them.

She puts her knees up and rests her face on them. Her eyes close. It’s peaceful like that. She can pretend they’re fine. That one of them isn’t dying and that the other one is going to lose the only person they can fully trust and confide in.

“Archons… Why did you have to go out and fall in love, you idiot…” Ayato doesn’t reply, already back to his dreams. “Who is it…”

Who can be dignified enough, graceful enough and bright enough to grasp Lord Kamisato’s sight?

She thinks about it, ponders over various faces and names…

One sticks out. Kokomi Sangonomiya. She has a renowned beauty, unmatched manners and a gentle voice that not even angels can hope to have. But something feels wrong about it. Ayato’s favourite person in the world is a beetle. Ayaka doesn’t see beetles and the incarnation of perfection meddle.

The next best guess is one she feels would only bring more misery. Thoma…

She shivers at the thought.

It would make sense in a way. Thoma is one of the only people their age they’re close with and he always takes care of them. Not only when he is on duty but also when he has a day off. Ayaka herself has had a time when she liked him.

The problem if Ayato loves Thoma is that Thoma will never forgive himself for what is happening.

Ayaka is about to lose her biological brother, she doesn’t need her chosen sibling to leave her too.

She will confront Ayato eventually. She has to know who is responsible for that. She will try not to harbour any hate.

She’s already bitter. They’re killing him and might not even realise it. But Ayato chose them, so she will accept that.

“Milady?”

Ayaka jolts. She opens her eyes and turns around. “Yes, Thoma?”

“I was wondering why you weren’t back yet… I take it he didn’t want to get up?”

“No… Hey, Thoma… Nevermind. It’s idiotic.”

Thoma walks closer and puts his hand on Ayaka’s shoulders. “I can assure you it’s not.”

She leans back and sighs. It’s probably best not to gossip about her brother’s lover but she is curious and Thoma knows Ayato well, she is sure he can pick up on some things she missed.

“Who do you think it is?”

Thoma sits down next to him. She lays her head on his shoulder and watches silently as he smooths down the blanket covering Ayato.

“I’m not sure… Though, imagine if it was Itto.” He chuckles. “They’d raise an army of beetles together and lead battles with fierce flying soldiers.”

“Archons no. Please. I wouldn’t survive the chaos. One Elizabeth is enough.” Thoma laughs again. Ayaka detaches herself from him and gets on her feet. “Food?”

“Food.”

Ayato stretches his limbs, his back hurts from sitting down for too long with a bad posture and his legs are restless.

“Thoma?”

He looks around but can’t see the other man in the courtyard. “Thoma? Where are you?” They both went outside together and paid their goodbye to the elderly couple that, like a lot of Inazuman, decided to visit their recovering young Lord. Then Ayato went over to the small pond and chatted with Madarame Hyakubei about the new quests.

And now Thoma is nowhere to be found. Maybe he went inside, Ayato is due back to his desk anyway. Ayaka has been kind enough to relieve him from most of his duties, or maybe she just wants to get a feel of his workload for when he passes…

Ayato coughs at the fleeting image of pointed teeth. The reason behind his suffering.

“Ayato!” He looks up to find Thoma with a tea service on a tray. “Are you okay?”

“Is that tea? Again? We just had some!”

Thoma looks a little sheepish and tries to hide the tea. “It’s not for you…”

Ayato frowns. Thoma just had some as well and just yesterday they were talking about how sick of the drink they were because of all the visits. “Did someone else get here while I was catching up with the Yashiro Commission’s affairs?”

“Yes. But I know you want to rest, I’ll tell him to leave and come back later.”

Him? What if it was…

“Please, my Lord, go back inside. I prepared some food for Elizabeth. I’ll handle any guests that might come.”

“No!” Ayato flushes at his tone. “I mean, it’s only polite that I go see them. They travelled all the way here…”

Thoma looks torn but he eventually concedes, opening the door for his master. “Itto is waiting in the guest room.” Ayato’s heart speeds up. So it’s really him.

“Okay, thank you Thoma.”

There is no reply. They both go into the room. Itto turns around when the door opens and his eyes widen when Ayato walks in. His cheeks are pink and his mouth is gaping for a few seconds.

“Hello, my dear friend. It’s been a while.” Ayato goes to sit in front of the Oni. He feels like he just stepped into water after being hit by thunder. He can’t keep still.

Thoma sets down the tea set. “I’ll bring some snacks to go along with this.” Ayato nods. The room stays silent until Thoma is out of earshot.

“You look good,” Itto says. “Well, you know. You look healthy. You gave us quite the scare.”

Ayato laughs agreeably. “I figured as much. I, myself, was quite afraid. But I feel better than ever.” Except that seeing Itto makes him want to cough out his lungs. He can hold it in though. He’s gotten better at that.

“So, what did the doctor say?”

“Oh, nothing much. It was dehydration.”

“Really? You should drink more,” Itto pushes a tea cup in front of Ayato. Ayato purses his lips. That’s on him for lying. Although he’d take lying anytime over confessing he is going to get sicker and sicker and being near Itto will make it worse.

According to the doctor, any emotion brought out by Itto will help the spread of Sumeru’s curse. Happy feelings and unhappy feelings will have the same effect. Jealousy, fondness…

Itto is always going to make him feel things, good and bad. By being away, he causes Ayato sadness and melancholy and when he’s here it’s like the keys to eternal happiness have been handed to him.

“So, Itto, what brings you here?”

“I… I guess I missed you,” his hand goes to the nape of his neck, he tries to soothe himself. “Is that weird?”

Ayato’s heart tightens, he puts his hand a bit closer to Itto. “No. It’s not. To be honest, I missed you too. Very much.”

Itto laughs but it’s not a happy laugh. It’s the laugh of someone that is hurting. “I thought you were mad at me… You pulled away without a word. I’m a bit confused, did I do something to upset you?”

Ayato tries not to cough but “No, no. Not at all. Archons… No.”

“Then… Why?”

Itto is looking down but his voice is enough to tell how hurt he is. Ayato didn’t even realise that pulling away from everyone meant he also suddenly stopped spending time with Itto. If it was the other way around, Ayato would cry for days. But Ayato is in love and Itto isn’t.

“Sorry. I just wanted to focus on my work,” he hates lying to Itto. Would it have been anyone else, he would have felt no guilt, but Itto? He is always so genuine and honest. “I felt like I had been slacking, spending too much time doing frivolous things…”

“Oh.” There is a pause when Ayato feels like he messed up and there’s no going back. I see. Well that’s fine.” So why won’t he meet his gaze? And the bitterness in his voice… It cut Ayato’s heart.

Ayato shuffles. He doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t want to lie anymore. The door slides open, Thoma enters as a saviour and he puts down two bowls of fruits. “Apples, and lavender melons since I know you like those, Itto.”

“Thank you, Thoma.”

“It’s my pleasure. Call me if there is anything you need.”

Ayato watches helplessly as he leaves them once again to that endless, torturous silence.

Itto takes a piece of each fruit and starts to bite them down. It gives Ayato an idea. No matter how down Itto is, food always comforts him. Ayato has listened to him talk about how he could use scraps of this and that and have a makeshift meal when there wasn’t . Of course, Ayato never let him go starving once they met. “Itto, you never got around to showing me your famous roasted lavender melons.”

“Right…” He looks up and looks around. They don’t have a fireplace so that’s not an option. “Should we? But where?”

Ayato smirks. “Let’s sneak out, the courtyard might be of use to us.” Itto smiles back, Ayato preens at that. He didn’t mess up completely. “I‘ll lead the way.”

They get up, Ayato uses the rustling of fabric to cover up the sound of his coughing. He feels a little nauseous when he gets up but tries to ignore the feeling. Some fresh air will help.

Thoma isn’t in the corridor so they slip away unnoticed. Itto is carrying the bowls while Ayato is in charge of the supplies they snatched for the fire.

The courtyard is almost empty, the guards were sent away for the day and most employees of the Commission are gone to get their rest. There are a few stragglers though but Itto skilfully navigates around them.

Ayato ends up following him even if he said he would choose where they went. It’s better in a way because Itto finds a recluse space with a few buckets filled with sands. “Can we use that?”

“I don't see why not.”

“Okay,” Itto doesn’t need anymore encouragement to dumb the content of the buckets on the ground, he kneels and evens out the sand. Ayato takes off one of the layers of his outfit and puts it on the ground for them to sit. Thoma is going to kill him but grass is better than mud, isn’t it?

“I’ll go fetch some wood,” Itto states as he gets up. “You can just stay still and look pretty.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, he looks away, red in the face.

“I’m proficient at looking good. It’s a natural gift.”

Itto chuckles, the tension in his shoulders drops. Ayato feels that warm and fuzzy feeling. It’s nice to see Itto less guarded. “Although, I’ll admit you’re not bad at sitting and being stunning yourself, Arataki.”

“You flatter me too much, My Lord.”

Ayato rolls his eyes at Itto but the man is already on his merry way. Ayato sighs. He loves Itto. He loves sneaking around to do dumb stuff people would be horrified to see him do. He loves Itto and he wants to tell him.

Confessions…

Ayato never confessed.

Girls did come to him a few times with letters smelling strongly of perfumes and oils, poems with flowery words and dances that ought to enthral him. One boy did once… Ayato doesn’t remember much about it, it was long ago. Back when Ayaka was merely a toddler and Ayato himself wasn’t of age to understand how deep love ran.

He remembers there was snow, not a lot but enough for him to be outside playing with kids from the villages that were being watched by their older siblings. After a very competitive snowball fight that ended with two different kids crying, the teenagers started to go back to their houses with their charge in tow.

Ayato had felt so disappointed. He usually didn’t have anyone to play with, the villages too far away, visits of kids his age too far between. But then he realised there was still someone, a boy a bit older than him, bundled up from head to toe. He was laying in the snow, giggling and wriggling around, his legs and arms extended and moving wildly.

”Whatcha doing?”

“A snow angel!!”

Kids don’t need much to become friends and by the end of the day, Ayato got a new best friend and a very clumsy and wet kiss on the mouth.

To this day, he still blushes in embarrassment when he thinks about it.

His first kiss gone, traded for the secret of a perfect snowman…

It would probably not be the best idea to kiss Itto out of the blue so that confession isn’t much help. Ayato can’t see himself writing a letter, Itto has a hard time reading anyway. And don’t get him started on how dancing would be the worst idea. Ayaka refuses to do dance training with him.

He wonders if Ayaka or Thoma know more about love, have they already confessed to someone?

People always said he was a late bloomer, late to walk, late to hit puberty (which was frustrating, how dare his younger sister be taller than him?), late to fall in love. And look where that got him? He is blooming alright.

And he can’t be selfish, can’t use the flowers suffocating him to have Itto look at him in that way.

Sumeru’s curse is a curse in more than one way.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

Ayato jolts. Itto has a blinding smile on his face as he looks down on him. Ayato yelps as the dust from the tree branches fall on his face. Sure enough, some get in his eyes and he starts to cry.

“Nothing, ouch, are you trying to blind me?”

“Sorry, sorry.” He doesn’t sound remorseful at all. “Hey, can you fill up the buckets with water, I’ll light up the fire.”

“I’m not going all the way to the well, not after you tried to take my sight away.”

Itto glares at him as if he just said the most stupid thing ever. “Your vision.” Ayato feels his cheeks heat up. Maybe he did say the dumbest thing ever. “You seem a bit out of it today.”

He is… He is at loss of what to do.

Ayato can lie about who he loves, but he should come clean about the fact that he is sick. Maybe he doesn’t even need to say what kind of ailment he has, his symptoms are vague enough without the flowers to fit other illnesses.

“Itto, I lied to you.” He says as he starts to fill one of the buckets. Itto freezes, his hands stop moving and one of the logs he was holding falls down. “I’m sick. I don’t know if I’ll ever get better.”

Itto doesn’t move, it doesn’t look like he is processing anything either so Ayato continues to talk.

“I didn’t want to worry anyone but now that my family knows… I just wanted you to know. I don’t like lying to you,” at least not about this. Itto deserves to be prepared to see him pass.

“I… I don’t understand,” the Oni turns towards him. “You just said… You were lying when you said you were okay?”

“Yes. I thought it would be better for you not to be aware of my health.”

“Do you not trust me to keep it a secret?”

“I do, I absolutely do. The fact is I don’t want you to see me as vulnerable, weak. I don’t want this to change the way you view me. I don’t need pity or coddling. I’m still the same person I was before.”

Itto nods. He picks up the log and positions it in order to light it up. “I see. Can I be honest?”

“Please.”

He turns around, staring at Ayato. His face is kept carefully neutral. “I feel hurt that you kept it a secret from me. I don’t think I’m vain enough to judge you, especially for something you have no control over… And… I really appreciate you, you’re precious to me. As a friend. I don’t think our friendship should involve lying about one’s health.”

“Of course. I must apologise. I never meant to cause harm. I promise there won’t be anymore keeping things from you.”

Itto presses his lips together and sighs. “So, be honest, what was on your mind? I doubt this was it.”

Ayato chuckles. “No, it wasn’t.” He gets up. “What should I do with the buckets?”

“Nothing, we need them in case I mess up and set everything on fire.”

There is a beat of silence, Ayato knows this tactic. People can’t help but fill the silence, rare is the person that is able to just sit comfortably without a word being said.

“It’s embarrassing,” Ayato says as a warning, “but you asked so I shall deliver. I was thinking about my first kiss. If you can call it that. I’ve been pondering on love, do you love anyone?”

Itto shakes his head. “No…”

“But you’ve already kissed someone right?” Again, he shakes his head. “Oh. Well. Nevermind then.”

“No, please, you can confide in me.”

“I doubt you can give me the advice I need, which is fine.”

There is silence once again. Itto lights the fire and they start roasting the lavender melon, snacking on the apples while they wait. Itto is the one to break the silence: “Your fruit is going to burn.”

“Is it? It doesn’t look roasted yet though!” Itto gently wraps his hand over Ayato’s and pulls his stick away from the fire.

“You’re too close,” he offers. Ayato takes the advice and keeps a little further away from the blazing flames.

Watching the fire roar is soothing. It warms them up and feeds them delicious roasted lavender melon (which Ayato had a bite off from Itto’s after burning his anyway).

Ayato has missed Itto. Just being next to each other makes his body restless: he could conquer the entire world, take on the Raiden Shogun in a fight, throw himself off a cliff without a windglider and grow wings…

Which he has felt for a while. How did he not realise that was love…

As if he was reading his thoughts, Itto speaks up. “What is love exactly? How do you know you love someone?” His gaze is lost in the embers at the centre of the fire. Ayato’s own is stuck on his friend’s figure no matter how hard it makes breathing.

It doesn’t take much thinking to find his reply, his answer is pretty simple. “It’s feeling like you can do anything because you’re with that person. They'll be right by your side when you do something reckless and they’ll support you all the time. They make you laugh and cry, both at once sometimes.”

“But isn’t that what friends do?”

“I guess… But it feels special in a different way.”

“What way?”

“It’s a bit hard to explain. Hmm. For me, it’s just that y- he makes me feel whole, and I like how just knowing his eyes are on me makes me feel. His attention feeds my basic needs. Not literally of course but it feels like that.”

“I see.” Itto is still looking at the fire. His face is tense.

“Is something the matter?” No reply comes. Ayato scoots closer and pumps into him. “Hey, did you hear what I just said?” It snaps Itto out of his daydream.

“What? Oh, yeah. Just thinking. I just never saw it, love, that way.”

Ayato opens his mouth, he has tried to be as open as he could so now he is allowed to pry too. Except that their bubble pops, a horrifying shriek breaking it. They both snap their head in this direction, instinct making them clench their visions.

The sight of a fuming Thoma, quite literally as there is smoke produced from his vision, chills Ayato to the core. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUTSIDE?”

Ayato winces and looks at Itto sheepishly. “Sorry, I’ll go handle him.”

He quickly strides up to Thoma and whispers. “Please, not now… I’ll explain later.”

He looks back at Itto. He can’t leave now… He just cleared things up and they were about to talk about feelings… Itto won’t forgive Ayato if he keeps running away.

The cough he tried to hold all this time comes out. This fit is one of the worst, his entire body shakes, he has to hold onto Thoma in order not to fall down. Thoma is deadly silent, just listening as Ayato gags and pants, every breath more painful than the last.

“That’s it,” Thoma orders when he considers Ayato is lucid enough. “Inside. Now.”

“But, Itto!”

Two words. Three syllables. So why does it feel like he might kick the bucket when he gasps for air?

Thoma doesn’t look back as he ushers Ayato in the building, forcing him into the dinning room where his father is seated. Ayato doesn’t have the energy to fight. He exerted himself and now he feels all numb and weak. He lets himself be pushed into a chair and doesn’t complain about being treated like a dying man.

Thoma jumps in surprise when he turns around, Ayato leans forward and coughs slightly when Itto enters his sight. “Ayato, are you okay?” He doesn’t try to get past Thoma, just staring from afar.

“He is fine, but he needs to rest. Please refrain from taking him along with your antics from now on.”

Itto doesn’t fight back, he just nods.

It infuriates Ayato. Itto should throw him under the bus, after all it was Ayato’s idea to go outside. “I was the one that wanted to run off and roast lavender melons, don’t get mad at Itto.” Every word feels like he is eating a cactus. And that’s a lot of prickly cacti to eat.

Thoma glares at Ayato but doesn’t dare overstep more boundaries. “Fine. I’m getting you some water, don’t run away again.”

Ayato bites his lips as Thoma leaves. Itto waits patiently until he is out of sight to throw himself at Ayato’s feet. “I was so worried, what happened out there? Is that the sickness?”

“Er, yeah.” He glances at his father. It’s not proper for them to act like this in front of his father.

Ayato doubts his father would somehow find out Itto is the one causing the flowers in his lungs to bloom but he still should make sure that doesn’t happen. They can’t be too close, he can’t let his love seep through.

The Kamisato patriarch hadn’t reacted too much to the news that his son had Sumeru’s curse, but it was clear from his words that he was under the impression Ayato took notice of some girl. Certainly not manly, hunky Itto.

“Itto, please get up,” the man obeys. It’s a little awkward to have to look up so much, Itto is already taller but being in a chair doesn’t help. Thoma would probably kill him on sight if he got up though so he stays put.

Itto puts his hand over Ayato’s shoulder. “How are you feeling now?”

Ayato wants to reply but his ‘Okay’ turns into a cough. “Sorry,” another one. “I should rest. Go home Itto, we’ll see each other later.”

There is a flash of fear in Itto’s eyes. “I- I haven’t seen Elizabeth yet,” he states in an attempt to be allowed to stay.

It takes everything in Ayato not to yield. Itto’s hand tightens on his shoulder as he realises he is going to be kicked out. “Sorry,” Ayato shakes his head. “It’s too dark, she won’t even be awake.”

Itto takes his hand off of Ayato. Instead of relief, he feels air blocked in his throat. He keeps it in.

“Okay… Well, I have some things for you.” He looks in his pockets and pulls out a satchel. “Naku weed and red wolfhook… They’re used in medicine, so maybe they can help you feel better.”

Ayato puts his hands out and receives the pouch. It weighs more than he expected. It must have cost a hefty sum, probably not much for a Commissioner like him but Itto isn’t exactly wealthy.

“Thank you. I’ll make good use of it.”

Ayato feels like he is going to burn from the inside, his cheeks are probably ablaze but they burn less than his heart.

People have showered him in gifts since his birth but this is different. Itto worked hard to give him that, he probably researched medicine too because the man that doesn’t know how to dress a wound surely won’t be able to tell what to get a sick person.

Ayato can’t express those feelings though, not when they already decided for him that words don’t mean as much as deadly coughs. His vision sways a little. His throat is raw so even if he was spared a breath he can’t call out for help.

Thoma reappears, alarmed by the choking sounds. His eyes go wide and he runs to Ayato’s side. He helps him get up, hoping the position would help him breathe better. It doesn’t.

Ayato feels something in his throat, it’s larger than the usual petal. He finds Thoma’s eyes and hopes his friend can read his panic, and understand he needs to be brought away from Itto now.

He does.

Thoma might be a mother hen but he is quick-witted and knows his masters. He says something to Itto as he leads Ayato away. Ayato’s sight is too blurry for him to realise where they’re going. He isn’t sure he is walking, maybe it’s just Thoma carrying him.

When he feels himself be pushed down he panics until he feels his bedsheets. Something is pushed on his lap. Thoma says something about vomit.

Ayato understands he can finally try to push whatever is in his throat out.

It’s painful. He hacks and hacks until the thing is lodged at the tip of his throat. Once it falls out his mouth, he realises he has tears on his cheeks.

Thoma is rubbing his back, trying to bring him comfort when he starts crying. Ayato doesn’t dare to look down. He doesn’t want to see what it is. Thoma lets him cling to him. His sobs get lost in the fabric of his shirt.

Ayaka joins them at one point, once the tears are gone. They fall into the bed and she covers them with the blanket, she talks a bit about her day, tries to take everyone’s mind off what’s awaiting in the basket.

The moon is shining brightly once they pull themselves out of the bed. Ayato can’t bring himself to find out what he vomited. Ayaka seems to know already and Thoma obviously saw it happen so it’s not a mystery for him.

His voice is broken, the first word he tries to say gets lost. “Is it that bad?”

“It’s not bad…” Ayaka starts, she doesn’t look convinced. “It’s just quicker than anticipated,” Thoma concludes.

Ayato takes a deep breath and reaches for the basket.

A whole cecilia.

It’s covered in mucus of all kinds, and sits at the bottom of the container. It has everything, all the petals, the stem… And roots, roots with something attached to it that doesn’t look like it belongs on a flower but inside a body.

Yae Miko told him to look out for roots.

“How long did he say I had before my first flower?”

The reply isn’t immediate, he isn’t looking at them but he can imagine shared looks and an unspoken discussion of who should break the news.

The doctor had said at least a few months, maybe a year even.

This is wrong, he knows Blooming Lungs evolve differently depending on the host but this is too quick. He should have had a year or more to prepare himself for his death. But the roots are here, signing his death act.

“We should bring him back, maybe we misheard, or he got his calculation wrong… Surely this is a mistake.” Ayaka tries to be reasonable, she always tries to see the bright side.

“I’m going to die.”

Even Ayaka can’t counter that so she closes her mouth.

Ayato looks at the cecilia flower and this time the tears are silently rolling down his cheeks until his eyes are so dry he barely can keep them open.

Thoma and Ayaka look helplessly, not knowing what to do or what to say to help him.

He can’t blame them. What can you say when someone is dying?

Ayato smiles when he feels an arm wrap around his waist, he shuffles closer to the warm body laid next to him. He opens his eyes and stares at Itto. There is sunlight filtering through the blinds, some rays give an orange hue to Itto’s hair. “Hey, beautiful.”

Itto lets out a grunt of annoyance and buries his head in their blanket. Ayato laughs heartily, trying to push the suffocating fabric off of him. Even if the weather is cool, having a human body pillow really helps feeling warm.

“I love you. So, so much.”

“Shuddup. Love you more.” Itto puts his hand over Ayato’s mouth before he can say anything back. “Now, shhh.”

Ayato really does love Itto. He is blessed to be able to watch the man he loves at his most vulnerable, when there is a little drool coming out his mouth and his eyes are blinking because of course he is the type of person whose eyes won't stay closed when they sleep.

Itto’s breathing slowly even out. Ayato sighs happily. This is perfect.

He wraps one of his arms around Itto’s waist and the other he uses to prop himself up and stare.

Soon his own eyes close…

When they open again, his arm rests over nothing. Wind is rattling the shutters and the cacophony of a storm drowns out the usual buzzing coming from Elizabeth’s tank.

Ayato curls up on himself, he is trembling from the cold. He coughs into his pillow. Thoma will have to change his bedsheets again, there for sure will have blood on them when he wakes up.

Someone knocks at his door. “Milord? Are you awake?”

“Yes.”

“Shall we bring you some blankets?”

“Please.”

He doesn’t have the energy to get up. His body feels so heavy, just replying demanded so much energy. He sniffles.

Archons… Feeling lonely and useless is the worst…

He clenches his fist right where Itto was in his dream. He can see a smile, charming as always…

The first tear is saltier than that one time he dropped his dried fish in the salt container. The second is bitter. So very bitter.

He can’t tell what time it is. Someone slips in and covers Ayato with a new blanket. Maybe they don’t realise his shoulders shake from crying or maybe they are too scared to ask about it.

Once the person leaves, everything hits Ayato full force.

He has no future. Even less so with Itto.

Dark thoughts flood his brain. He didn’t have those in a while. It took a long time to get rid of them but his insecurities brought them back stronger than before.

His hand hurts and his throat is in pain. He feels like flying into a rage and tearing everything down, slashing things… His body is numb, limp. He doesn’t have the energy to lift a finger and bring out the storm raging in his heart.

He runs out of tears to cry rather quickly but he doesn’t fall asleep when crying is no longer in the cards. He stares at the window and listens to the wind hit the shutters. The raindrops are like arrows shot into the building. Ayato tightens his fist until he can feel the telltale burning of the nail having pierced through his skin.

Fuck this. What crimes did he commit in his past lives to deserve this? What did he do to be punished in such a cruel way?

Itto puts down the crate he was carrying where he was instructed to and wipes his brow. The weather is heavy. There is another storm brewing and the only way to describe the air is suffocating. The kids usually running around the streets are fanning their faces while looking out the windows forlornly.

The adults don’t have the luxury to stay inside. Grandpas and grandmas all over Inazuma are complaining about their joints. The shop attendants chug water so quickly Itto has already been asked to make the trip to the well five times today.

Everyone is so slow. Even Itto feels sluggish.

He walks back to the main street, trying to remember how many more crates until he is done when he notices a small crowd.

He smiles when he realises who is causing such a clamour. Ayato is chatting with one of the cooks from a food stall and has one of his favourite boba drinks with him. Thoma is standing right next to him, usually he would be as relaxed as his master but today isn’t the case.

Thoma’s back is straight and his eyes narrow in on Itto. They don’t remain there very long, soon gone to examine other parts of their surroundings. Loyalty and dutifulness are qualities that make Thoma one of the most beloved servants of the Kamisato clan.

Itto walks up to them. His steps are light. Ayato doesn’t seem aware of his presence until Thoma whispers something to him.

Itto feels a bit lightheaded when Ayato looks up and beams. “Milord,” Itto says jokingly. “It’s good to see you. How are you feeling?”

“I’m good, and I have you to thank for that. Thank you again for the medicine.”

“It was my pleasure.I take it your doctor has been helping you through your recovery.”

“Ah… Recovery.” Ayato frowns for a fraction of a second then it vanishes.

“Ayato? Are you feeling better?”

“Better compared to what,” his tone is almost teasing.

Itto scowls. That makes no sense. Why is Ayato acting shifty when the questions and the concerns are so simple? He could be put at ease by a single ‘Yes, I feel better now’. Instead he says: “I was left in a worse state than this one. Compared to some wounds I got, this is nothing.”

“Having met a worst fate doesn’t mean it’s a good fate. Did you see a doctor at least?”

“Oh, Itto! You need to try this, I know you’re allergic to beans but I can ask them to put animal milk in your drink.”

Ayato is avoiding the subject.Diverting his attention to the drink in his hand. It’s unsettling… What’s going on? Did Itto miss something last time they talked?

He remembers a lot of panicking from his part. Ayato opened his eyes when he presented his definition of love, Itto had much to think about and can’t remember everything that was said.

Itto looks at Thoma for help but he is staring somewhere else so it doesn’t clear up anything. “… Okay… I’ll have one.”

Ayato orders for Itto and starts talking about something different. He completely ignored Itto’s questions. They promised to be honest, why are they already failing so miserably?

Does Ayato worry that Itto isn’t trustworthy? Or…

What if he realised the feelings Itto harbours for him?

That simply can’t be. Not when Itto wasn’t aware of them before their talk.

Itto isn’t sure he would survive Ayato knowing about his love for him. He would be mortified. They’re not even of the same rank, Ayato is leagues above Itto. Nothing can ever happen, Itto would be delusional if he believed so.

Love isn’t something Itto is familiar with. He has no idea what he should do now that he knows how deep his feelings are.

Normally one would confess. At least when the one you love isn’t one of the richest and most influential men in all of Inazuma. Ayato should get married to a gorgeous woman that will be able to bear his children. He is the heir of his family and will need one day to have a son to take over his role as Lord Kamisato and Yashiro Commissioner.

And Itto… He is part Oni, if he has to settle down he always imagined he would choose a nice Oni of his tribe to become his wife.

It wouldn’t benefit either of them, in fact it would hurt them. Ayato’s family have struggled to regain this stability, if Itto confessed it would surely become the talk of the archipelago. The rumour mill can only do harm, Itto knows that for sure. He can’t cause trouble for Ayato.

“Itto?”

“Hmm?” Itto blinks back to reality. Ayato clicks his tongue.

“You’re not paying attention… I was asking if you-”

“Your tea, sir.” Itto curses the vendor and his descendance for at least four generations, he also thanks him politely for his efficient service.

He takes a sip and tries not to gag when the flavour hits him. He should have expected it. It’s a drink recommended by Ayato, it can’t be any good. It’s already a surprise it’s not straight up poison.

“Ah,” Ayato’s eyes fly to the bridge where a teenager is waving at him. “It appears I’m needed elsewhere. Itto. It was nice seeing you.”

“What? You’re leaving? Already?” Itto frowns and takes another sip of his drink to have a reason to feel bitter.

Ayato stills. He looks down and takes a breath. It’s not as measured as usual, it’s almost… Shaky.

“Sorry. I’ll see you later.” Now he is smiling. It’s fake. Not the one Itto got used to bringing out.

Itto bites his lips and watches as Ayato scurries off.

When he turns back to his drink he jumps in shock. “Thoma! Bro! I didn’t see you there.”

Thoma seems to hesitate on what to do, his eyes shift between Itto and where Ayato went. He inhales sharply through his nose, gathering the courage to speak. “I couldn’t say this in front of the Young Master but please refrain from mentioning his ailment… It seems like our Lord has simply decided to move past it.”

“Move past it? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Just pretend everything is fine and we would be most grateful.”

Thoma starts to walk away but Itto reaches out and grabs his wrist. He has many questions he wants to ask but Thoma looks guilt-ridden so he only allows himself one question before letting the poor man go. “But will Ayato be okay?”

Thoma bites his lips. “He’ll be better off eventually.”

Itto reluctantly let go. Eventually. That’s not even a certainty, is it? Eventually, that’s what you say when you don’t know when things will be okay again.

He feels so out of the loop. What use is a promise if neither of them are honouring it? And he can’t complain because he’s hiding such a big secret from Ayato. Nothing can top it, how much worse of a secret can you keep from your friend than having been in love with them for quite some time now. Probably years.

Ayato can keep his secret, as much as it bothers Itto. In exchange, Itto can be dishonest about his feelings.

“Did you hear, the Kamisato clan has been ordering Cecilia flowers in huge amounts…”

“Oh really?”

“And they seem to be for the Lord…”

“The old one or the new one?”

“The new one of course!”

“… And do you think it might mean what I think it means?”

“A wedding? That must be it! I can’t see any other reasons to buy so many flowers. That and Cecilias wouldn’t be appropriate for a funeral.”

“Who do you think the lucky lady is?”

“I wish I knew but the Kamisato Lord is always so distant…”

“Brother, what’s that in your food?” Ayaka tries not to let her disgust show as she points to the saggy white thing in Ayato’s salad.

“That’s a Cecilia.”

This time she lets her face twist and her nose scrunch up. Her brain conjures up the image of Ayato throwing up the delicate flower and already she feels her hunger recede. “And why are you eating it?”

He shrugs and looks at Thoma.

Thoma sighs. “Ayato read somewhere someone whose Burning Lungs was very advanced managed to survive a year longer than what the doctor thought possible by eating the flower they threw up.”

Ayaka’s eyes widened in horror. “Oh dear… Please tell me this did not come out of you.”

She can’t picture Ayato cleaning the flower and eating it after but he ate flowers in the wild when they were younger even after being warned dogs might have peed on it and she doesn’t know which is more disgusting?

Ayato rolls his eyes playfully. “Don’t be silly, Ayaka. They were grown in soil and not in my organs.”

“Well, it’s not exactly obvious…” She watches him grab another flower with his chopsticks. “Is it good?” She doubts it could be. Most flowers don’t have a sweet taste, some are spicy and burn your tongue while the rest are just bland.

“It’s bitter. Very bitter.”

Thoma huffs, he is trying to tame his anger but Ayaka can see right through him and is empathic. Ayato can be kind of a lot sometimes. “I did warn you, when I tried adding something less sour you yelled at me.” Stubborn people are the worst.

Ayato pokes at his food. He is pouting slightly and if he wasn’t trying to act composed he would probably click his tongue. His eyes are dark. Ayaka feels her heart tighten. Ayato hasn’t been the same ever since he threw up that flower.

It really shook him. Reality caught up on all of them.

His moods shift so quickly. One minute he’ll be all smiles and laughs, the next nothing is going right and he loses his mind.

Ayaka woke up from thirst one night and stopped by his door to listen to the hacking. She doesn’t know if she could be strong enough to suffer through that much pain.

“It’s what I deserve,” Ayato states.

There is a beat of silence as they process everything implied by those words.

Thoma and Ayaka exchange a look of understanding. Ayaka gets up and brings her chair next to her brother, takes his hands and slides them into hers. “I think it’s time we talk about that person, I want to know about that part of you and I think you might want to clear your mind.”

Ayato tries to slither away but Ayaka meets his gaze and he stops resisting.

“Okay,” his voice sounds a bit choked up.

She smiles and motions for Thoma to leave, he doesn’t linger. “So… Maybe we can get started with who’s the lucky one? Unless you prefer to keep them a secret. That would be fine too.”

Ayato takes a deep breath and makes sure his eyes are not meeting hers.

“It’s Itto. Arataki Itto.”

Ayaka blinks. Itto? Oh. She hates herself for having joked about their relationship, Ayato loves him so much he caught Sumeru’s Curse. “I see. It makes sense in a way. Yeah. I might be blind, you seek him out all the time… Of course you love him…”

Ayato leans back and chuckles. It’s wet like he is holding back tears. “I’m such a fool.”

She can’t exactly deny that.“Even if Father would approve for some reason I can’t put this burden on you. If I can’t have children… Not that it would matter much now… I’m as good as dead. You’re already burdened by my failures” His head falls back into place and he stares blankly at her.

“That’s not true, Ayato…”

He looks back down, staring at her with intent. “I know I’m going to die soon. No amount of Cecilia in my salad can stop me from choking on stupid flowers. Every morning I wake up to blood on my pillow. How long until my lungs are shredded and every breath I take feels like I’m face deep into a delicious plate of amber from a dying fire?”

Ayaka squeezes his hands, trying to anchor herself. “I’m not ready for that. I’m not. And you’re still healthy enough, right?”

“You will have to prepare yourself, Ayaka. Quickly. This love will end me.”

“Are you going to tell him?”. He has to. If his love is this strong, Itto needs to know. They could be happy, if Itto reciprocates; she can already picture their antics.

Ayato looks away. A sense of shame revealed by the avoidance. “No…”

“Why is that?” Ayaka doesn’t understand. Don’t you scream about love until your throat is sore for days and your voice gives out? Why would you hide feelings so pure? Every time her heart skips a beat, she wants to whisper words of worship… Surely Ayato feels that way, he must want to tell everyone about Itto.

So it doesn’t make sense that Ayato looks appalled. So taken aback. “He isn’t going to be okay, if I tell him he’s going to think about it all the time until it kills him too. I want him to forget my existence once I pass.”

Ayaka sucks in air.

“You’re a dumbass.”

“What?”

His head snaps back to glare at her.

“You heard me. You’re dumb. And selfish. You’re only going to have so much time, if you told him maybe he’d make every day count.” She can try to change his mind. “He makes you happy but you would rather be miserable than say you love him.”

“Ayaka, you don’t understand. Whenever I feel the tiniest thing because of him, the roots grow bigger and their hold gets sturdier. I wouldn’t survive a heartbreak. And worse, what if he reacts positively! I will just die on the spot…”

She squeezes his arm. “Ayato,” she murmurs.

“No. Don’t you dare! Don’t take pity on me! I’m not some miserable man in need of a saving grace…”

Ayaka puts herself back, letting Ayato have his space. “I never thought of you as one, I promise.”

“Well, you act like I need some sort of guide to help me navigate this, and you feel like you know what to do but your lungs aren’t filled with coal that’s just be lighted, you’re not clinging to the tiniest bit of hope on the form of two sentences in a poem. You’re healthy and in five years you’ll still be alive and well while I, I will be six feet under.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you, you’re always doing this. Trying to fix my problems, to live my life, to choose everything for me. Father stopped doing it, so you had to take over! Fuck. Can’t you just let me fucking be?”

There is a silence filled with Ayato’s panting, some groans of pain escape him, and Ayaka barely breathing. She hurt her brother.

She wants to reach out and try to tell him he is wrong, that she wants him to follow his heart but she knows two things. One, she just tried to do exactly what he accused her of. Two, he doesn’t need that right now. An apology won’t mean anything yet.

“I love him… I know him better than anyone else and I’m able to tell what’s best for him. Please don’t try to force me to do something I can’t do.”

“Okay,” she says, defeated. “Just… No. You’re right, I won’t meddle.” She looks down. “I won’t get my nose into your stuff anymore.

Thoma pats the Traveller on the back. “Good job, you’ll be rewarded graciously for your help.”

“As long as it’s not another meal,” Paimon squeaks. “Plus it’s always fun to see Yoimiya again! She even gave us some small firework sticks!” The floating thing shows off the gifts proudly, the Traveller gently pries it away with a nervous smile. Thoma wouldn’t trust them with fire either.

“I would have had to make the trip so many times without you. Ayato has been hurrying the preparations for the party so everyone is extremely busy…”

The Traveller smiles. “As long as we’re invited to enjoy the show too.”

“Of course,” Thoma says. “I’m sure Ayaka will be delighted to see you.” He notices the faint blush and the hand that goes to play with a strand of hair soothingly. It’s painful sometimes to be aware of those unspoken feelings.

He is very close to tricking them both into getting into a room and locking them in.

“Okay, that will be all for today,” Thoma announces. “See you tomorrow, same time at the plaza, we’re picking up some food goods but I’m going to the police station before.”

“Oh-oh! Arresting bad guys?” Paimon grins.

Thoma laughs. “Nothing of the sort, I’m just making sure we don’t get into trouble for hosting an event of such a scale.”

The Traveller listens to some back and forth between Thoma and Paimon before urging their flying companion to leave. Thus Thoma is left with crates of fireworks to set up. They're not going all the way to more isolated islands because Ayato hasn’t been feeling up to walking long distances lately but it didn’t stop the siblings from ordering a firework show almost more extravagant than the one Thoma missed.

Honestly, it all feels a little too much. The siblings had warned him he would get a party to make up for the festivities he didn’t get to enjoy but this… It’s a lot.

Ayaka got food stalls planned to set up, she has an extensive guest list and keeps finding something new to add everyday. Her taste for extravagance is really shining.

Although a bit more down to earth, Ayato still is trying to turn the party into a full-blown festival.

Thoma feels very bad about it. It’s a waste to spend so much on something he’ll enjoy for only a few hours when they could be doing something more lasting… But Thoma doesn’t have the heart to tell them that.

It’s easy to get carried away by their enthusiasm, Thoma feels like a leaf that has fallen in the river and lets the current carry it to the sea. Or like that pig that flew all the way from Byakko Plain to Ritou during a thunderstorm. That story caused quite the roar in Inazuma and so is this party.

The sea and the thunderstorm being the hellfire that is organising the event.

Ayato has been very helpful with planification since he can’t run errands but Thoma still has a lot to take care of including taking on the workload of anyone that is failing at their tasks. He put up a few commissions that adventurers could handle, like helping a slime balloon cross from Ritou to the mainland or retrieving supplies some thieves got their grubby hands on.

The Traveller came to receive their rewards after doing an unrelated task about bird eggs when Thoma was about to head out after making sure everyone was busy and knew what to do next. Their chatting quickly turned into going to the city together and carrying all the fireworks back to the Kamisato estate.

Now he just needs to find Ayato who has the plan for the setup sealed away in his office.

Thoma makes some lemonade before he knocks at the door. It’s still too hot for tea to be a comfortable drink therefore juices and sweet, cold drinks are his to-go drinks. After a single sip he already feels like a new man, a feeling that seems to be shared by many.

“Enter,” Ayato says. Thoma slides the door open and shows his tray when the Kamisato Lord looks up. “Oh great, you brought something to drink.” The window is wide open, the shutters are not shut all the way so some air comes in but it’s still stifling.

“You reek. Take a break and shower, the heat got you all sweaty.”

Ayato groans and leans back in his chair. “It’s because you won’t let me open the windows, it’s like being in an oven. My skin feels about to melt off.”

“Nothing a good old bucket of water won’t fix.”

Ayato hums and looks back at his desk. “Take a seat, what did you need?”

“Right,” Thoma sits on the chair opposite Ayato. “The fireworks plans, I already finished bringing them back here.“

Ayato raises his eyebrows. “Already?”

“I got some help.”

“Let me guess, one kind-hearted Traveller with beautiful doe-eyes directed towards my sister?”

Thoma chuckles. Their crushes are pretty obvious but they don’t seem ready to take action yet. It’s cute when it’s not too gross. First love always is when it doesn’t kill you from the inside. “That’s the one.”

Ayato clicks his tongue. “You’ll hate me for this… I actually need one more firework, I couldn’t ask you for it earlier because I didn’t have the paper for the blueprint but Father helped me find it so I’ll need you to go back today before the shop closes.”

“Oh, well, it isn't an issue. Can I have my plans though?”

Ayato smiles as he opens a drawer and looks through it. “The heat,” he states, “it gets to my brain.”

“I understand.” Thoma does feel rather slowed down by the lack of water and the aching of his joints, his brain is like a dry sponge unable to absorb anything.

“Ah, found it.”

Ayato slides it over and puts a small paper with the signature look of one of the blueprint from Yoimiya’s family shop except that it looks less worn down than the usual one. It’s almost intact but Thoma knows it’s not a new one, the paper grain looks so different from what the current printing in Inazuma produces.

“This is very precious, please treat it with utmost care.”

“Who did this belong to?”

“Five generations ago, someone in the Kamisato clan commissioned this for their sick infant…”

“Oh.”

It feels wrong to witness firsthand how much Ayato changed. He always showed a brave face… This is unlike him. Clinging to any silver lining even if it’s just a very light gray lining With no shine whatsoever.

Ayato used to tackle any problems and now he looks almost resigned… Not ready to die but prepared for it to happen. Thoma isn’t sure he, himself, is ready.

And he can’t eat cecilias in order to not be shocked when it happens. Not that he would want to. He had one earlier and it felt a bitter taste in his mouth, not even the sweetest, juiciest lavender melon could wash it down.

“You must think I’m being consumed by some madness, I would think that way too. Whatever can bring me hope is good. It helps make it easier when a fit stops and I’m still breathing.”

“Would you rather not be breathing at all,” Thoma asks, genuine.

“That’s not easy to answer. Earlier I wished I was never born at all. It would have spared everyone a lot of pain.”

“I see.”

Ayato shrugs. “It is what it is.” That’s true but it’s maddening. Sumeru’s Curse can’t be cured, there hasn’t been a single instance of a person affected surviving. Why did Ayato have to suffer through every pain the ailment brings? “Well, I still have some work to do, thank you again for the drink.”

“I’ll leave it here,” Thoma says. He gets up and takes the two papers with him. “What do you want to eat for dinner, and no cecilias for Baal’s sake. I don’t want you losing your sense of taste.”

Ayato laughs. “Okay, okay. Well, whatever is easiest for you.”

Thoma rolls his eyes. “That’s not helpful, I’ll ask Ayaka.” She isn’t going to be back at home for a while so it leaves some time for him to visit the city one last time.

The estate is starting to empty itself as people retreat home for the day, Thoma waves off a couple of his coworkers when they greet him.

Usually, Thoma would avoid walking through wild fields in order to not cross paths with hilichurls but he is in a hurry so he ends up in a few fights he quickly finishes.

He remembers why he doesn’t usually do that when people glare at him. He always ends up looking like a badly assembled scarecrow, he will need to take the time to clean up once he gets back to the estate.

Yoimiya is out of the workshop, crouched down and chatting with some kids whose eyes are sparkling like the fireworks she makes. When she looks up and her eyes meet Thoma’s, she’s stunned for a few seconds and bursts out laughing.

“What happened to you?”

“I had to be quick,” he holds out his hand to show the paper slip. “You will need to go home at one point.”

Yoimiya takes it and looks at it carefully. “It might be a tight fit in the schedule, I’ll deliver it myself.”

“Thank you.”

Thoma is ready to leave but Yoimiya speaks up. “Hey, since you’re here can you do me a favour. She smiles warmly. “Itto was supposed to get some goods from the police station for me and I’m worried because he hasn’t returned yet. It’s very unlike him.”

“Sure,” he nods stiffly. The little kids immediately pick up where they left off when the older woman turns back towards them.

The police station isn’t that far away so he will make it back only a bit later than he hoped. He manages to get some groceries, just some basics and fresh meat.

It’s surprising that Itto hasn’t gotten back to Yoimiya yet. If the Oni is known as a slacker because or his lifestyle, he is also someone you can trust with a task when he has one. He doesn’t push things back.

Thoma finds himself in front of an officer, it’s still weird not to be a fugitive sometimes. “Good evening,” he says, “I came here to see if Itto Arataki came around at any point in the day?”

“Itto? Oh, yeah, he was here but you just missed him. He’s been trying to get the explosives Naganohara Fireworks got suspended for examination. It’s weird, Yoimiya usually responds quickly when we tell her the goods were cleared.”

Thoma is left speechless for a few seconds. “Yoimiya asked Itto to get them for her because she’s been working on fireworks for a party hosted by the Kamisatos. Why would you think he was trying to steal them?”

“Well, you know how people like him are.”

Thoma feels the urge to slap the officer across the face but he doesn’t. He takes a deep breath and decides to just bring back what Yoimiya asked for. “Can I have them? Yoimiya is staying open until she gets them.”

“Sure.”

So Itto can’t have them but Thoma can just ask and be handed the explosives like that… Ayato and Ayaka will hear about this.

Thoma tries not to be disagreeable to the officers that show him to the warehouse but he does let some snarky comments get the best of him.

When he reaches Naganohara Fireworks, Yoimiya and Itto are talking. Yoimiya looks upset and Itto is slumped to make himself smaller. He scratches his neck and says something Thoma can’t hear.

“Hey, I’m back,” Thoma yells. Yoimiya turns around and beams.

“You got them!” She jumps towards him and grabs the crate. “Thanks!” She goes to put it down next to the door. “I’m glad, I wanted to experiment with those. Ah, Itto,” she rammages through her pocket. “Here you go.” She gives him payment.

“But, I didn’t complete your task…”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she says.

“It really wasn’t,” Thoma adds. “Those officers were in the wrong. I’ll tell Ayato about it.”

Itto blanches. “Please don’t!” Thoma frowns, he doesn’t understand why Itto wouldn’t want Ayato to know. His rank would help Itto get justice. “I don’t want him to worry about me.”

“But it’s only fair they get punished, no citizen should be judged like that. You’re not a criminal.”

Yoimiya sighs. “It’s fine Thoma, Itto said to drop it so we should listen to him.”

Thoma presses his lips together. He doesn’t feel comfortable with that. It’s wrong to let people keep their head in the sand and go on with their prejudice.

“Okay, I have to make sure my dad hasn’t burned everything down,” Yoimiya says. “You guys, get home safe.”

Itto nods stiffly, he looks unwell. Thoma feels bad. He can’t leave him alone to spiral with his thoughts. “Itto, can we talk?”

“Sure.” Itto looks a bit surprised but he follows Thoma on his way out of the village. When he is sure no one is going to hear them he sits down on the grass and gestures for Itto to do the same.

“Are you okay?”

Itto lies down and stares at the sky. “I’m not sure…”

“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

“I… Recently, I realised I loved someone. But they’re so distant… I’m going to meet with them soon, it’s not going to be just the two of us but I still don’t know what I should do about my feelings. It’s all new to me.”

“Ah, love… Do you want to confess?”

“I’m… I can’t.” Itto huffs. “It’s a man.”

“So what?” Thoma scowls. He understands having feelings for a person of the same sex can be difficult, especially if it’s something you never experienced before but all love should be embraced.

“...”

There is a long silence. Thoma isn’t sure if he should press on, maybe Itto needs time to figure out what to say next.

“It’s Ayato. I love Ayato.”

…

Well, that’s not what Thoma expected. “Ayato?” Now he understands. “Oh.”

Ayato. There are many expectations for his future, for his pattern in life. Itto isn’t the first choice. Or even the thirtieth.

“Yeah.”

“What do you think you’re going to do?”

Ayato is going to die. Itto is in love with him.

How many people will lose a part of them when Ayato passes? How many people besides Ayaka, the old Lord Kamisato and Thoma are going to hurt for years, decades even?

“I’m not sure. I don’t think he would want to know… He already pulled away, he is so far out of reach… What if that’s the last straw?”

“He would never hate you for it.” Ayato is kind. Kinder even when it comes to Itto,

Thoma knows of all the little things he went out of his way to do. Groceries delivered in secret to the Arataki clan or new clothes appearing out of nowhere, his charity doubled when it came to his friend.

“No, he wouldn’t. But would he still talk to me, as a friend? Would he still laugh at my jokes?”

“Of course he would… He would still be your friend, it’s not what would stop your friendship. I can assure you. Do you feel like you want to tell him?”

Itto shakes his head. “You saw the way people treat me. If I say anything, people will speak badly of Ayato and his family. They’ve been through enough.”

“Don’t you feel you might regret it?” Ayato’s days are numbered. When Itto will feel ready to confess, Ayato might not be there to listen anymore.

“I don’t know… Am I crazy to think that if I did confess and he didn’t think of me as a freak, maybe, just maybe we would be happier? Whatever relationship would come of it, I’m sure would be more fulfilling than feeling like I’m lying to him…”

Thoma thinks about it. He can’t speak on Itto or Ayato’s behalf but he feels like letting the person know is a good start. You don’t need to expect anything back, if it’s unrequited then fine, if it’s requited great and if they don’t know then okay.

“So you want to wait?” Thoma asks. He bites his lips. They can’t wait. If Itto wants to tell Ayato, it has to be done now. In the next few days, at best the next couple of weeks. If the confession is planned further away than one month it would be a tad too hopeful.

“Should I? I don’t know if I can come talk to him in a year and tell him I love him. It’s bad enough to keep it from him now, it’s worse to wait even longer to say it.” Probably not. It’s unlikely that Ayaka would let anyone near Ayato’s ashes, and seeing how the illness is progressing Thoma doubts Ayato will still be alive by that time. “It feels like I’m using him in a way… Oh no.”

“What?”

“What if he thinks I’m lying, that I’m trying to get him to provide for me under the guise of loving him, all because of his status?”

Thoma frowns and grabs a handful of grass to tear up. “Did someone accuse you of this?” Itto’s silence says a lot.

“Itto, please come to me next time. You can’t continue to let people think of you as a hooligan. I know from the Traveller and Ayato that you mean well and I can see you’re hard-working. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Thank you…”

“If it means anything, if it were up to me, I would approve of you courting Ayato.” Thoma turns to look at Itto and laughs when the Oni’s cheeks turn as red as his horns.

“Thanks…”

“Hey… I will make sure you’re coming to the party at the Kamisato estate. It will leave you some time to figure out what you want to do but you must confess then if you’re going to do it.”

“What? So soon…” Itto is frowning. He seems extremely conflicted.

“It is necessary. If you don’t set yourself a limit, you’re never going to make a decision.” Thoma feels bad about making up an excuse but he doesn’t want Itto to be left alone without having had a chance.

“Honestly, I might be fine with that… Just looking and not acting…” He sits upright. “I like looking at Ayato. He looks nice. And his voice… It does things to me. When he speaks I hang on to his every word. Except when I’m having a crisis because I just realised I love him.”

Thoma’s chuckles. “You’re in deep bro.”

“I know, bro. I know.” He stretches his limbs. “You should get home. Ayato will starve to death without you. Or he’ll get food poisoning.”

“You’re right, unfortunately.”

Ayato is restless.

The festivities are set to start in a few hours and he invited Itto.

He needed to as much as it hurt him to write the name on the envelope. Thoma, for some reason, kept bugging him about it and Ayaka told him if he didn’t do it, she would be happy to waltz over and invite him herself.

Plus… Ayato can’t lie. He misses Itto so much. He barely can keep himself from coughing when he thinks about him lately.

He wants to see Itto again but there is this fear… Ayato can’t die in front of him. Yet, he feels like he will. He knows he will.

Everything has gone wrong.

From the very start, back when he didn’t notice his cough was more than a simple cold.

He wasn’t even aware it was for Itto’s that his heart was burning for weeks. He was oblivious to all the signs. How could he have been so stupid? He always felt this need to have Itto near, to have this intimacy with him, but called him his best friend.

Which he was, still is even if things are difficult. But he also is so much more. He is the brightest star in Ayato’s sky, he helps Ayato orient himself and make the best choices he can. He is a pillar to lie on, always holding him up. Yes, it’s cheesy but Ayato truly feels hollow without Itto.

More importantly, the Oni is always the best part of Ayato’s day.

No matter how disheartened Ayato is, Itto will appear and everything will be joyous again. He makes being happy so simple, it’s effortless.

Ayato doesn’t like to consciously think about it, to process those feelings. They make it so much more real and painful. It hurts to consider what Itto brings in his life because he knows this won’t last long and with every thought comes a cough. He’s pretty sure his lungs are filled with flaming flowers instead of cecilias.

Dreams and daydreams are nicer.He doesn’t cough as much. The thoughts flow in and out.

Sometimes they bring chagrin. Ayato can’t help but try to imagine how Itto will react when the Kamisato Lord passes. The scenario that hurts most is the one with Itto not attending the funeral, not crying a single tear, not visiting him one, not sparing a prayer for him. Itto hating him…

He also imagines Itto learning about the disease after Ayato passes… The heartbreak and betrayal. Itto values honesty and here he is, lying through his teeth. Hurting others. Hurting Itto.

But then he also thinks about confessing and he wishes Itto would beam when he finishes reciting the monologue he wrote in his head. Itto would lean in, his hand would gently cup Ayato’s neck and he would lean in full of excitement. Then the Oni would remember he needs permission and wait for Ayato to meet him in the middle.

He knows Itto has a bad habit of biting his lips, his fangs have left him bleeding more than once so it would probably be rough. He could taste of steel or some random thing like onion because Itto has already bitten into a raw onion and ate it as if it was an apple for a dare.

Ayato would cup Itto’s cheek because he knows there is a soft duvet there that he would die to play with. He would kiss back eagerly, desperately because he has wanted to do this since what feels like forever ago.

Ayato would probably have to pull away first. His lungs aren’t what they used to be.

That would remind him of everything at stake. His heart, Itto’s own. Their love. Itto’s future, but not his own because he has none. He doesn’t know if he could manage to move after that. Maybe he would have died when his lips met Itto’s.

Killed by a kiss…

That would be a better case than the other story his brain made up. In this one it’s not an adoring gaze he meets when he looks for Itto’s reaction. It’s judgement. Disgust. Itto’s face would twist into a sneer and he would take a step back.

“Like me? What kind of freak are you? Why would you say something as disturbing as that?”

Ayato would feel the vitriol in Itto’s voice burn his heart, disintegrate it. Ayato would have no words to explain himself because in a few seconds he would have lost his heart and the only person that he ever had romantic feelings for. The only person that made his heart speed up and that would have stomped on it even faster.

Tears would have come after. When he understood all the implications, the trickle-down effect. Loving Itto is one thing, not being loved back is another completely.

Every angle, every scenario ends up in doom.

What’s theuse of caring if it’s just to end up crying?

All Ayato wants is to kiss Itto stupid and to be kissed stupid. He wants to think about how perfectly their lips slot together and he wants to take in every single sensation that comes with a kiss.

He wants to exchange looks from a distance and know exactly what Itto is thinking about without a word being uttered. He wants eyes crinkling in a silent laugh because Itto knows what joke Ayato would whisper to him before it even happens. He wants the complicity they always shared.

He wants hugs. Lots of them. Different ones. Sideway hugs when Itto is showing him off like a doll. Discreet hugs when unable to escape social events. Never ending spooning in the comfort of their room. He just wants to feel Itto close. Be sure he is here and as sturdy as ever.

That’s what he wants.

Instead he got flowers. Flowers that taste bitter and bile and blood. No hugs, no kisses. Just pain and tears.

Ayaka wants him to tell Itto… Thoma would probably say the same if he knew about Ayato’s feelings. They’re hopeless romantics. They never were that bird in the cage that knows when the time will come, a pairing will be forced upon them.

Ayato never dreamed about love until Itto. In fact, he never had a true friend before Itto. His closeness to Thoma is different; it’s like having a second sibling, there is some sense of distance. Ayato can expose every part of him to Itto: the one that is serious and the one that is childish.

He doesn’t know what is waiting for him, what happens once you pass is not something mortals know.

He really hopes people will move on quickly. He wants them to be happy. Itto deserves to have a long and joy-filled life. Ayaka… Ayato hopes she will learn from him and do whatever makes her happy. Thoma is going to succeed in everything, Ayato can feel it.

Maybe his death is for the best. People learn lessons from events like this.

When you see someone die young, in agonising pain, you realise you’ve been wasting your life doing mundane things instead of accomplishing your dreams. He can only hope his funeral will be a wakeup call for other people. Enjoy your life to the fullest, never have regrets.

Never regret seeing the person you love, even if it might kill you.

The letter probably got in Itto’s hands already, there is no going back.

Ayato will be honest because Itto deserves to know. He’ll tell him about Blooming lungs and he will confess.

The Traveller gives Ei a satisfied nod. “I do not understand why I needed to change my clothes.”

The flying white thing squeaks. “What! Ei! You have to! It’s a party!”

The Traveller laughs. “You’re in your normal clothes, Paimon.” True. The creature is wearing its usual clothes. It’s even less fitting for a celebration than Ei’s normal clothes and she was forced out of them.

“I had no wish to be here in the first place. I wasn’t even invited.”

She isn’t sure how those things work but when the people in front of them got asked for an invitation, they weren’t. In fact the guard stood there speechless for several seconds before letting them in wordlessly.

Paimon speaks up.“You’re the Shogun, of course you’re welcome. Plus we had a plus one on our invitation so everything is okay!”

Ei nods. That makes sense, at least she can now explain her presence.

She looks around, people are gathered around tables and stalls, all dressed in their festival attire and laughing. She feels very out of place. Her kimono is suffocating. She hates her new outfit. She clears her throat. “So what should I do?”

Paimon grins. “Have fun! Eat lots!”

“Pretty much,” the Traveller confirms. “You can walk around and see what you want to do. Then we can meet up for the firework shows. Is that okay?”

Ei sighs. She never should have agreed but she felt indebted to the two, mostly the Traveller. Now she’s pretty sure they owe her something. “That will do.”

Flying Thing is quick to go and feast on food while the Traveller seems to be looking for someone.

Ei watches carefully. Their eyes brighten up and they start running toward someone. She narrows her eyes. That’s the Shirasagi Himegimi, sister of the Kamisato Lord. She seems equally excited to meet her friend. They hug each other tightly for a few seconds before releasing each other. Their mouths both move at the same time then stop, move again, stop and finally they burst into hysterics.

Ei sighs.

She wishes someone would save her from this. Makoto loved these sorts of things… She saw them as fun… Ei really can’t understand what is remotely interesting about waiting around for some lights to pop in the sky.

She walks around for a bit but everyone gives her a wide berth. They seem to pull away from her like magnets repelling each other. She doesn’t understand the way a human heart thinks.

After having accessed everything at least twice, she settles down at a table. She doesn’t know what food or drinks people sell, what is best and what is most unique so she just watches and listens to people as they order.

They all look so merry…

Ei’s lips twitch. She can’t smile as brightly as them. Can’t laugh as boisterously.

She isn’t sure she would even want to. She’s an Archon, is there a need for it? Venti laughed. In her memories that’s all he ever did. Laughing through tears at times. But Zhongli… No, Archons don’t need to giggle and twirl their hair, that’s reserved to certain kinds.

Another sigh escapes her.

She has nothing to do. She really shouldn’t have let herself be convinced to come. Even a year after having first re-joined human society, she still has no idea how to behave like a normal human being.

Maybe if she just saw someone acting out scenes of mundane life she could know where to start. Watch and learn.

She looks around and tries to find someone to observe. Her eyes fall on a certain Oni with silver hair and red horns.

Arataki Itto. That’s a fine specimen. He is only part human so surely he mustn’t have been as comfortable with human customs than the fully human beings.

He looks anxious. His outfit is different from usual. So maybe Ei was right to change. He is fiddling with some long pieces of fabric. It’s a sheer blue, Itto runs his hands over it and pinches it.

He is waiting in front of a drinks stall. When the employee comes back, he smiles brightly and thanks them before leaving with his order. Ei gets up and follows him.

Itto goes a little deeper in the courtyard. He sits down over some sand that was poured on the grass. Ei doesn’t think it would be polite to just go and sit down next to him so she tries to find a spot between the trees and bushes where she can still observe him.

He plays with the sand, there is a sense of longing and melancholy in his eyes. Ei remembers doing something similar after Makoto passed… Just thinking and trying to keep her hands occupied. She can’t recall what she played with, maybe flowers… Tearing up petals?

She frowns when he sighs and lets himself back back. Then he puts his hands over his face and lets out a stretched out whine much like a rusty door.

“What am I supposed to do?” It’s not quite a yell but Ei can hear it.

Apparently Itto is facing some anguish too.

He starts sipping on his drink, his sight is lost to the horizon. The slurping when he reaches the bottom and runs out of the drink makes Ei want to slash him. Unfortunately, being noisy isn’t reason enough to duel someone.

Maybe Ei should go find someone else to observe. Itto won’t teach her anything if he spends his entire evening bemoaning something. Ei is well acquainted with grief and suffering already, that’s not a necessary lesson.

She is about to get up and leave when she spots the Yashiro Commissioner.

He is wearing a red garment with some see-through white layers with golden embroidery. His hair is up in a bun with a brooch holding everything still. He bunches up his bottoms and holds them up in order not to dirty them.

“Itto,” he calls. The Oni turns around. Ayato coughs and chuckles. “Ah, sorry.”

Itto gets up, he opens his mouth to say something and freezes. Ayato lets his clothes fall down and smiles. “Hi, I’m glad to see you. Thank you for coming, and I heard from Thoma about your help with the preparations. I made sure Ayaka would compensate you fairly. It might be a little bit rigged for you even.”

He looks at Itto expectantly with a pleasant smile on his face. His face is a bit thin, his cheeks hollow but he still is beautiful. His education still shows in his posture, he stands straight and looks determined.

No answer comes… Ei turns her head to watch the other man.

Itto’s mouth is wide open, a flock of bees could easily enter it and he wouldn’t even notice. “You look…” he gulps. His eyes trail over every inch of Ayato’s body, exploring every line and curve. Trying to ink it in his mind. Interesting, Ei should try this on someone. Maybe Yae Miko?

Ayato has some red on his cheeks. It’s so deep and pigmented, Ei wonders if that’s makeup. Makoto liked makeup. Ei will ask the traveller where to buy some. “I look?” His voice grows weak, it lacks firmness. His shoulders slump a little.

Ei frowns. That’s not fitting of a man of his rank. He looks so vulnerable right at that moment. Very unlike him.

“What?” Itto blinks.

“You said ‘You look’ and didn’t finish your sentence.”

“Oh. Just… Wonderful. It looks really good on you.” Even Ei can’t deny that Ayato looks very nice if sickly.

“Thank you. I’m glad you like it.” Ayato gestures towards the party. “Why are you not enjoying the festivities?”

“Well… To be honest… I had something on my mind. Something I want to share with you, if that’s alright?” Itto’s hands are wriggling nervously.

“Sure, are you in a hurry?”

“Why, are you busy? Then we can talk later. It’s not important but I’m afraid if I don’t tell you now I won’t ever be able to tell you.”

Itto laughs which makes it even more striking that Ayato’s face turns sheet white. “What do you mean?” He looks close to fainting. Did Itto say something wrong?

Itto’s smile fades. He scratches his neck. “I’m a bit of a coward. I’m not sure I’d be able to gather my courage again if I lost it.”

“Oh, okay, makes sense,” Ayato relaxes slowly. Ei wonders what makes him react like that. Human emotions are complex… “Well, I’m a bit thirsty so we can go get a drink and talk. How does that sound?”

“Yeah, that’d be great. Anything you had in mind?”

Ayato smiles, and they start to walk away. Itto asks about what new weird combination Ayato came up with for his drinks. Ei gets up and follows them discreetly. Ayato is refusing to say what concoction he wants to try.

Apparently he likes to try all kinds of new flavours. Ei notes that humans are curious in nature, they want to experience everything even if they know it will hurt them. It reminds her of children trying to touch candles’ flames.

Ayato is an interesting specimen. He doesn’t represent the average human since his status makes him much more refined and educated. He is blessed with above average smarts but lacks social awareness in the same, innocent way a kid would. Yet he blends in perfectly among his peers…

Ei wonders if she could one day hope to achieve that. To sound and look normal. To fit in seamlessly.

“I’d like one Sweetened Cecilia tea.” Ayato tells the shopkeeper. He tilts his head to look at Itto. “What about you, big guy?”

“I’ll take what he’s having,” he says as he throws his old drink in the food stall’s bin.

Ayato smiles. “Someone is in a bold room.”

The shopkeeper seems a bit taken aback by the order. “Are you sure? I’d recommend jasmine tea instead, we also have-”

“We’re fine. Just put extra sugar in one of them.” Ayato slides mora over the counter. “Thank you.” His voice is biting.

The poor man winces at Ayato’s cold tone and gets started on the order. Ei uses this time to read what the shop sells. She has some mora so she can buy something… Jasmine tea? The shopkeeper recommended it so it must be good.

Itto and Ayato leave with their drinks so Ei steps up. “Can I get a jasmine tea please?” She looks down at the food displayed on plates. “And some of this.” She points to some weird round candy on a stick she’s never seen before.

A few seconds pass before the clerk talks. “O-okay. Coming right up!”

Ei tries to find where Itto and Ayato went but they disappeared. Maybe they went back to the spot with the sand? She feels like it’s not the case. Humans do tend to prefer familiar spaces but they’re also creatures of habits, they might have gone somewhere they associate with drinking and eating…

Tables are a good place to start. She already saw some in some areas that are a bit hidden away. It wouldn’t be surprising that Ayato prefers intimate settings, people tend to flock toward people like him, the ones with power.

Ei leaves with her order and starts walking around aimlessly, eyes searching for her two prey.

She finds them sitting next to each other on a bench.

Apparently they got some food too. Itto is holding a stick with some fluffy pink thing that Ayato steals bites of. “Hey, that’s mine!” Ayato beams. “Not the doe eyes. I hate those.”

“That’s because you can’t resist them,” Ayato chuckles.

He puts his arm over his mouth and coughs. “Sorry.” He takes another bite of the food. “I’m glad I found out about this cotton candy. All those Fontaine sugary things are so unhealthy but archons know I can’t resist them.”

Ei looks down at her candy. If it’s from Fontaine it would explain why she couldn’t recognise it.

“Since you’re enjoying my food more than me, you should let me take a sip from your drink.”

Ayato gasps indignantly and covers his cup. “No way!”

Itto puts his hand on Ayato’s stomach. Ei is confused for a few seconds before giggles erupts. “S-stop! Itto, Itto!” Tickling… Ei never got tickled. She should ask the Traveller how close do people need to be to tickle each other. “Don’t tick-tickle me!”

Itto stops but Ayato can’t recompose himself quickly enough to prevent the Oni from stealing his cup. One sip later, Itto spits out the liquid to Ayato’s hilarity.

“I- I told you,” Ayato chokes out between guffaws, “I told you you wouldn’t like it.”

Itto continues to cough and spit on the ground. Ayato rubs his back. “That’s so bad. How do you drink this? It tastes so bitter…”

“You get used to it.”

Itto leans back. “I don’t understand why you like it.”

Ayato smiles and grabs Itto in a headlock. He uses his knuckles to ruffle his hair. “Oh yeah? Why did you drink it then?”

Itto doesn’t even pretend to fight back, instead he buries his nose against Ayato’s skin. “Dunno. To spare you the trouble?”

“Pfft. Liar. You’re a filthy stealer. I hope you enjoyed it because I’m never even sharing my food or drinks with you again after today.”

“So mean, Yashiro Commissioner. You are too cruel.”

Ei doesn’t know what to make out of this interaction.

They seem close… Very close friends indeed.

They are comfortable around each other, not in guard like Ei feels like all of the time. Ayato laughs freely and Itto seems to see past the exterior the Kamisato Lord tries to put up. They’re a perfect match, they fit each other like a cast and its moulding. It’s much like how Makoto used to be everything Ei isn’t and conversely…

She loses herself to thoughts of longing for a few seconds before she can focus on the men again.

Ayato is coughing, one arm covering his face. His other arm is around Itto’s waist. Itto has his arm twisted weirdly to keep Ayato from pulling away. He looks at his friend with worry. Ei frowns, she bites into her candy and has the time to thoroughly chew it while Ayato is still coughing.

When he stops he looks a bit dazed.

“Ayato… Is that blood?” Itto’s voice is frantic as he completely forgoes their hugging and grabs the graments covering Ayato. “Ayato! You coughed blood! We need to get you inside and-”

Ayato holds his hand up. Itto immediately shuts his mouth.

“I’m fine. Let’s go find Thoma. He has my medicine.”

Medicine? Yae Miko would love to hear about this. Ei has never been one for gossip but she can tell this seems to be of major importance. At such a young age one does not take medicine for a mere sore throat. Not even Lords.

Ayato’s expression worsens as they walk away, not sparing a glance in Ei’s direction. Ei doesn’t know if she should stop following them now. It’s due to arouse some suspicion, right?

… Or not… They seem like they evolve in a bubble, even when they were going to the stall earlier, they didn’t react to people calling for them or talking about them.

In the end she does take the same path as them, but only because there isn’t anyone to watch where Ei was. So what if she went a little further away than was necessary when they got back to some frequented areas? She wanted to find someone that exemplified the word human.

And maybe as she sat down and observed a girl, her ears got distracted by Thoma, Ayato and Itto.

“Here drink this,” Thoma commanded. Ei guessed he gave something to Ayato. There was a short silence, probably just because Ayato had obeyed. “You look terrible… Itto, did you talk?”

“Oh… Not yet.”

“Talk?” Ayato sounds confused. “Oh, is this about that thing you wanted to tell me?”

“Yes…”

“O-” Cough. Cough. Another cough. “Okay.”

“Ayato? Need to go inside?” Thoma isn’t panicking but you can hear an edge of anxiousness in his voice.

Ei doesn’t know what his reply is because it’s not verbal but she guesses it’s negative because Thoma excuses himself and tells Itto to take care of Ayato.

Ei tries really hard not to eavesdrop but they make it almost too easy.

“I’m worried about you Ayato. Can we talk about your condition?”

“Is there truly a need for that?”

“Kinda… I mean, yeah, I guess? It’s important for me to be aware of your health.”

Some silence. Ei feels the tension. It’s as heavy as the air before a storm in summer.

Then to her surprise it’s not a voice that breaks it but sobs. Ayato’s sobs to be precise. Itto shushes him and tries to reassure him. “Hey, nevermind. You don’t need to talk about it.” His next sentence is interrupted by Ayato.

“I’m going to die. I have Blooming Lungs and I'm going to die.”

Ayato’s tears continue and people start to gather around them. Ei herself turns around.

Itto’s face is pale and his mouth is shut tight. He looks at Ayato with horror in his face.

Ayato keeps wiping at his face. He isn’t pretty at all. There is snot coming out his nose and it somehow stuck to his sleeve and whenever he pulls his arm back the snot creates a trail.

Ei watches as several people come up to him and offer him some words of encouragement.

People are whispering loudly amongst themselves, the ones that heard the confession quickly share the news. Their precious Commissioner is going to be out of commission.

Itto is still unmoving. His face and body are frozen and he looks much more like a statue than a living, breathing being.

Ayato’ tears start getting interrupted by hacking and choking, he falls over and people are sent into a frenzy.

Apparently the commotion didn’t just grab bystanders’ attention, Ei finds her eyes falling on the Shirasagi Himegimi, her eyes are wide and she is fast to react. She grabs her brother, holds him up and gets him to walk with her support.

Itto only breaks out of his trance then. “Wait! Ayato! Ayato please!”

Ayaka turns around, a scowl on her face. “Leave us alone,” she spits.

Itto’s face is crestfallen. Misery wouldn’t even suffice to express all the pain you can read on him.

“Ayato, I love you,” he yells.

The world almost seems to stop spinning for a few seconds then everything comes back all at once.

Ayato falls over and this time there is no wheezing, just coughing. The sounds around them soon cover up everything. Ayaka is looking upon her brother, she looks mortified. Her hands are trembling and she’s stuttering words that don’t make sense. Ei doesn’t think it matters anyway. Ayato doesn’t look like he can hear anything and if he could, he probably isn’t trying to process what is being said.

Ei has seen people dying from choking. She knows it’s painful, asphyxiation sometimes is long. It feels like an eternity. And the pain… She never experienced it herself but she already got a rice grain stuck in her throat, it’s not pleasant.

Itto runs over Ayato. He doesn’t look better off than Ayaka. If anything, he looks worse. “Ayato, Ayato,” it’s like a plea. A plea to keep him here.

The Traveller comes out of the crowd, finding a spot next to Ayaka. They put a hand over her shoulder, it seems to bring her back to reality.

She looks at the Traveller. “Please, help me…”

The Traveller blinks, sucks in a breath and puts one of Ayato’s shoulders over their neck. Thoma surges from somewhere and does the same On the other side. The guards that followed Thoma create a path for the three of them to go by safely, they also escort Ayaka and with some hesitation Itto.

Ei closes her eyes.

Voices overlap each other, everyone is speaking over another. Chaos, there is no other word to describe the utter mess that is happening.

Ei understands why Itto didn’t move. She understands why Ayaka was at a loss of what to do.

It’s the closest to a human she has felt in a while. Overwhelmed.

She opens her eyes and looks at the Kamisato residence.

She’s an Archon, she lived to see many people die; she won’t be shaken for long. But she knows the importance this will have on so many people.

The crowd dissipates a little, some people getting bored of waiting and others just wanting to get away.

Ei doesn’t budge. She stays where she is, eyes fixed on the building.

The guards come out. Two stay to guard the door while others start running around, obviously looking for someone or something.

Ei doesn’t know how long ago they went inside but she feels like it’s done.

It’s finished. The story ends there for Ayato Kamisato.

Yet she can’t bring herself to leave yet. She hopes maybe she’s wrong. In her guts she knows there’s no way he will get up but she still waits among many others, she still looks at the door and expects someone to come with good news and a smile.

The guards go inside again, followed by a fat little man.

From a few whispers Ei gathers that the man is a doctor.

If they’re looking for a doctor, he must still be alive. Ei waits.

Everyone does. The festive atmosphere is long gone. They all look at the door, wishing for it to open and relief to flood them but minutes pass and nothing happens.

Then…

Finally, someone comes out.

Breaths are realised and hands tighten in a praying motion.

It’s the doctor, everyone whispers among themselves. They don’t know if his appearance is a bad omen or a sign of hope.

The man looks surprised when he finds himself the subject of so many stares. He jumps back in surprise and looks at the guards for instructions. They don’t seem to provide much so he just walks away, trying to escape the few braver souls that immediately throw themselves over him.

It takes longer for the doors to open again.

It’s a servant this time.

They look afraid of getting close to the crowd but take a couple careful steps in their direction, eyeing them like a still bee. They clear their throat and open a parchment.

“This is a letter from Miss Kamisato,” they explains before reading it. “Dear friends, I, first, would like to thank you for coming here today. This party meant a lot to my brother and I. Seeing all us assembled here today brought us so much joy.”

“I also want to apologise for what this party has turned into. Everyone must have experienced much turmoil. Please take time to rest your souls and find your inner peace.”

“Unfortunately, as you have just witnessed, my brother is very sick. Ayato has been bravely fighting against his ailment but today…”

The servant pauses. They seem unable to continue for a few moments and everyone grows restless. People heckle the servant and the guards lean forward to talk to them.

“Sorry,” they say and clear their throat again. “But today, it seems my brother could no longer battle it. I will take my leave in order to grieve and to arrange for the funeral.”

More than one person starts crying, hiccups and whimpers fill the silence. Ei looks around and watches mothers hold on dearly to their children. Death does remind one of how precious life is.

“Due to those unforeseen circumstances, I would like everyone to wait for more information in the comfort of their own homes. Farewell, Ayaka Kamisato.”

Ei turns on her heels. The Traveller probably won’t leave yet and she is no longer welcome here, after all the party ended so her invite expired. She ought to go back to the Plane of Euthymia.

She’ll come back for the funeral. Pay her respects and honour the life and death of one very interesting human. Maybe Yae will be there.

“Ayato?” Itto calls, he squeezes the man’s hand tightly.

Ayato’s eyes seem to focus again, he looks more present. He coughs wetly. “Yeah?” His breath is short and he winces in pain. There’s blood on his cheek. Itto reaches to wipe Ayato’s face but it just ends up smearing the liquid.

“Ayato, how can I help?,” he asks pleadingly.

He doesn’t reply, just turns his head. “Yaka,” he manages to get out. His eyes search for his sister and Itto’s heart squeezes.

Itto messed up. What went through this dumb mind of his?

Ayaka surges in the room again with Thoma, they’re carrying a lot of things and seem ready to help Ayato. They’re ready to tackle everything for Ayato meanwhile Itto is just standing, stunned and unable to do anything.

Why isn’t he moving? Why isn’t he helping?

Ayaka yells orders to the guards that are in the room, something about a doctor. The traveller comes in with more stuff for Ayato, they go to Ayaka’s side and squeeze her shoulder. She relaxes a bit, finding support in the hand.

“Hey, take a deep breath,” they say.

She does. It instantly takes effect and she seems more sure of herself.

Then she turns towards Itto.

Itto wants to disappear. Her gaze makes him feel so small. She holds herself with dignity and strength. All things Itto lacks right now. Cryo is emanating from her, her vision shining slightly. He looks away, too afraid to see his reflection in her steel eyes.

What is she thinking? She must hate him. He just ruined her party and couldn’t even take care of her brother. She doesn’t look furious though. Frantic, for sure but not mad. Maybe things will be okay after all. He just needs to keep his head on his shoulders and do as is expected from him.

“Itto,” Ayaka calls. His eyes chance to find her own. “Can you go to Ayato’s room? There should be a flask somewhere. It’s blue glassware. I need it.”

He nods stiffly and runs out the room.

His feet don’t want to cooperate, he stumbles and almost falls over so many times he loses count. When he enters the room, he can’t see anything blue and starts throwing things around, panic growing and gnawing at his soul the more time passes. Finally he finds it, it was hiding behind a candle. He takes a calming breath. It’s okay, he can’t let himself spiral.

With the requested item in hand, he ambles through the corridor and bursts through the door. “I got it!”

He stops in his tracks.

A man is standing over Ayato. He is manipulating him as carefully as he can. Ayaka is biting her nails, her face is buried in the Traveller’s hair. Thoma is switching out the towel on Ayato’s brow. The tension is palpable. Everyone is holding their breath.

The man turns towards Itto. “Ah, the medicine,” a flash or recognition fills the man’s eyes. “Bring it here, son.”

Itto obeys. When he bends down to give the flask to the man, Ayato meets his eyes. Itto freezes. Ayato’s eyes looks empty, lifeless, for a few seconds then he recognises his friend and they crinkle slightly. “Ayato, don’t move,” Itto warns, “you’ll hurt yourself.”

He scoffs. “Too late for that, isn’t that right Doc’?” The last part of the sentence is directed at the man that is holding the medicine to the patient’s mouth.

At least he has enough life in him to make jokes, although no one laughs. They’re all too sombre.

The doctor clicks his tongue. “I don’t see any laughing matter in this situation, Lord Kamisato.”

Itto blinks. That’s harsh.

He can’t say he disagrees but it’s still harsh. It seems like they’re pretty well acquainted if Ayato lets the man talk to him like that. Just one more painful reminder that Ayato has been suffering for so long.

“Open wide,” the man orders. Ayato does as asked but it doesn’t stop him from wincing when he drinks the solution.

The doctor gets on his feet and Ayaka launches at her brother.

“You scared me!”

Ayato opens his mouth to reply but he is cut off by a cough. “S-sorry.” He glances at Itto then let his eyes fall back on Ayaka. “Please.”

Ayaka closes her eyes for a second. When she opens them again, she’s staring at Itto. “Can we please clear the room for a moment? I need to talk with my brother.”

Itto doesn’t protest. They probably have a lot to say to each other.

He leaves along with the others. The Traveller is reluctant to leave but Ayaka nods at them and they follow Thoma out. Once they’re all outside, the Traveller hovers near the door, trying to hear bits and pieces of the conversation happening.

Thoma leaves and comes back with food plates he sets down for people to pick from. “What’s happening?”

The Traveller jumps. Their cheeks are red and they wave their arm around. “I’m not listening! That would be intruding into a private conversation!”

Thoma rolls his eyes playfully. “Come on, Ayaka would forgive you in an instant. Just bat your eyelashes and smile.” He walks to the door and puts his ear on the frame.

His brows furrows. Itto gets up, he almost makes a move to do the same but stops himself. It’s probably not the best idea. Ayaka’s wrath isn’t something he wants directed at him.

“He’s coughing,” Thoma states. “Someone get the doctor back,” he orders the guards.

“What’s going on exactly?” Itto has no idea what Blooming Lungs does in real life. Most accounts he has of the illness come from tales and rumours. Ayato had never had a fit like this in front of him, the ones he had, if Itto isn’t wrong when he calls them fits, were milder. Usually he could speak through them, get some air.

“I don’t know… Ayato hasn’t been feeling well lately, the ailment seems to be spreading faster than most known cases so there isn’t much we can do…”

The Traveller looks uncomfortable. Itto can’t tell if it’s leftover from Thoma’s teasing or something else. They wrings their hands together. “Er, Itto?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you love Ayato?”

Itto remembers yelling it at the top of his lungs. Saying it normally seems impossible now. His voice is so choked up he isn’t even sure anyone can hear him. “I do, I love him.”

Thoma rubs his back with a tight smile on his lips. “That’s okay, buddy. You couldn’t exactly guess that was going on.”

But Thoma did… “Why did you tell me to confess? You knew, right?”

Thoma takes his hand off as if he touched burning coals. “I didn’t tell you to confess per say. I just knew if you wanted to do it there was a time limit.”

Itto lets out the highest-pitched whimper he ever heard. “I don’t even know if Ayato heard me. And if he did, I can’t even imagine how he must feel right now.”

“Don’t try to imagine it,” the Traveller says. “You’ll hurt yourself and create misunderstandings.”

“I can’t help it… I thought I needed him to know but now I’m not sure anymore…”

“Do you regret it?”

Itto thinks about it.

He does. He really does regret he said it. It was adrenaline-fuelled stupidity. Confessing because he thought the world was going to fall apart and this second would be his last chance to get it out. Then it was hanging in the air and he already felt wrong about it.

I love you. That’s a big statement.

He might as well have proposed. People would have seen it the same way.

People in Inazuma don’t confess in front of thousands of people. If you’re going to tell someone about your feelings, it has to be intimate. You should pick someplace quiet with no people coming in or leaving. A party with half the island attending isn’t it.

Ayato definitely had better confessions in this month alone.

“I think I do, in a way, regret saying it.” He pulls on the fabric of his robes. “It’s like everything about my confession is wrong. I picked the worst place and time to do it and, even worse, I didn’t even get to say everything I needed to get out. I have so much to tell Ayato about, and now I ruined it. He’s had time to think it over and he probably saw how much of a mess I am and how I don’t deserve him…”

“Love isn’t known to make people eloquent,” Thoma says to console him.

“I can speak for that,” the Traveller adds with a wince.

Thoma nods. “Love often leaves you speechless or confused. Do you think Ayato would have fared much better?”

Would he? Itto can’t see a single scenario where Ayato would confess to him and Itto wouldn’t accept. Being in love does make him biased but there’s also the fact that Ayato is Ayato. Can you really do much better?

“That’s true. How do you think he would have confessed to someone?” The Traveller asks.

Itto looks at the door and tries to picture Ayato.

Dream Ayato is standing, he is dressed in a light summer garment and fanning himself. ”You wouldn’t by any chance have stolen something?” A pause. “My heart. I can see it in your hands.”

“Errr, I can’t say, I really can’t say.”

Thoma laughs. “Oh, dear, you’re so red!” The Traveller joins in with his own guffaws.

Itto puts his hands over his face. He is scorching hot.

The door opens and everyone freezes and turns towards it. The warm feeling dissipates, replaced by dread.

Ayaka comes out. She looks around with apprehension. “I… Itto, he wants to talk to you. Please come get me if anything happens, he just had a really bad fit.”

Itto looks at her hands. She’s carrying a recipient with blood blobs and rotting human tissue. Itto feels his heart sink.

That was in Ayato…

How long, how much did he suffer without people to support him, to share his burden?

“Sure.”

He takes a deep breath and walks in, Ayato is sitting against the wall with his eyes closed. His hair is a mess and you can hear the soft rumbling sound he makes when air gets in his lungs.

“Archons… You look terrible.”

Ayato laughs and it turns into a cough. “Thanks, bro.” He pauses. “Not bro. Damn it.”

Itto sits down next to Ayato and bump their shoulders together. “That’s fine. You’re sick.”

“Yup.” His eyes flutter open.

There is a beat of silence. Itto speaks first because he has so much to say. “It kind of hurts you didn’t tell me but it would have broken my heart. Also sorry about what I said outside. I shouldn’t have.”

Ayato groans and lets his skull hit his knees.

Itto frowns. “What? Are you in pain?”

Ayato turns his head towards Itto. “Yes,” he replies solemnly. “It’s your stupidity that makes my brain rot.”

“Hey! That’s not nice, besides you don’t mean it.”

Itto watches as Ayato smiles. “No, I dont. I love your idiot ass.”

“I know,” he replies because Ayato put up with him for so long, of course he is fond of him.

Itto is aware of all the special treatment he receives from Ayato. Ayato isn’t afraid to go lengths to do things for Itto, even though he usually does simple things like pretending they have too much meat and it’s going to spoil when he knows Itto hasn’t had meat in a while. He is caring, he notices the littlest things and accommodates for Itto.

Ayato reaches out to hold his cheek, he has a soft look in his eyes. Itto selfishly leans into the touch, he drowns himself in the warmth of Ayato’s hand and of his eyes.

“No, you don’t get it.” Ayato whispers. He caresses Itto’s cheeks. “I love you, love you.“

Itto blinks. “You love me? Like I love you?”

His brain feels like it’s shutting down and in overdrive at the same time. His head hurts a little.

Ayato hums and leans closer. “Yeah…” His eye-lids shut.

Itto feels like his heart might burst as he closes the gap between them.

Ayato tastes like blood and bitter cecilias. Itto doesn’t mind feeling like he is licking iron though because it’s Ayato and nothing could make this moment bad, Itto could never remember his first kiss, with Ayato nevertheless, as a terrible experience.

He feels like he is floating. Ayato has one hand in his hair and the other on his chest, grasping the fabric for support. Itto’s own hands are wrapped around Ayato’s waist pulling him closer. His veins are overflowing, his blood is travelling so fast he feels lightheaded.

He is the one who breaks the kiss, Ayato is definitely more breathless though. He coughs and into his sleeve and looks away.

“I’m sorry,” he manages to get out between two coughs.

“That’s fine. No shame in being-“

Sick.

Because he is so badly in love with someone.

Someone. That’s Itto. That’s himself.

“Dude, what the hell?” His tone is angrier than he meant to. Everything is falling into place.

Ayato has Blooming lungs, an illness you get when you love someone deeply. Since he just told Itto he loved him and they kissed, Itto came to the conclusion that he is the reason Ayato has been coughing up flowers.

Ayato snaps his head back to glare at Itto. If Itto didn’t know him he would say Ayato is furious but he can see the fear below the mask.

“Ayato, am I the one causing that?”

Ayato covers his mouth again and after some hacking he puts his arm down. “Obviously. Or I wouldn’t have kissed you.”

“But… I…”

“Shut up.” His cheeks are rosy. “It doesn’t matter. I love you and you love me, end of story.”

Itto wraps his arms around Ayato and hugs him. “Yeah. The only important thing is that you love me back.”

“Are you trembling,” Ayato asks teasingly.

Itto glances at his hands. They are shaking, his excitement is overcoming him. “Can’t a man be overjoyed that his long-time infatuation kissed him?”

Ayato nuzzles his neck and hums. His eyes flutter close, Itto can feel his lashes on his skin and shivers.

He listens to the sounds in the room. Ayato is still struggling to breath but not coughing. There are crickets outside, serenading them. Everything is perfect, well almost. He kisses Ayato’s hair.

“My soul is bound to you.”

Ayato chuckles. “Big words.”

“You’re a bad influence on me.”

“How mean of me to make you-“ coughs. “To make you learn new words.”

“It’s downright cruel, you should compensate me.”

Ayato pulls away and smirks. “Oh, is that right? And how would I do that?”

Itto feels his whole face light up beet red. “I accept kisses.”

After monitoring himself to straddle Itto’s lap, Ayato presses his lips to Itto cheek. “Like that?” he asks in a whisper, his mouth close to Itto’s ear.

“That’s not quite what I pictured.” Itto is a bit out of breath. It seems to amuse Ayato further. He kisses Itto’s brow, his eyelids, his ear, his neck, his hand; everything but his mouth.

When he pulls away, Itto gently cups his face and keeps him still, he leans in and Ayato melts in his embrace. This kiss is different. Itto feels grounded, there’s isn’t electricity flying around anymore. It’s slow, languorous. Every second of it feels like an eternity, even when Ayato pulls away it still lingers on Itto’s lips.

His dream-like state is interrupted by Ayato’s worryingly laboured breathing.

Ayato doesn’t look grounded at all. He barely looks present. His eyes are glassy and he is panting. His breaths are shallow, it’s almost like he is choking on nothing. Being suffocated. From the inside.

“Love? Ayato?” Itto looks at Ayato who already started covering his face, he is bending slightly and anyone who can see him could guess he is in pain. “Okay, I’ll get Ayaka.”

He makes a move to get up but Ayato stops him.

He shakes his head, his eyes are filled with tears and his mouth is shut. Clearly, Ayato doesn’t want his sister to come in. She would know what to do though. She knows Ayato and his sickness. Itto, on the other hand, doesn’t even know anything besides that he did something to hurt Ayato.

It takes a few seconds for Itto to make a decision.

Ayaka told him to fetch her if anything happened and it doesn’t take a genius to know that’s exactly what she should be alerted of. But Ayato trusts him. So he sits back down and holds Ayato.

He rubs soothing circles on his back and when Ayato pulls away when he starts coughing, Itto tells him it’s okay.

He isn’t sure it is.

Ayato’s body is rattling and it doesn’t sound like he is able to get any air in.

It’s all Itto’s fault.

He doesn’t know how Sumeru’s Curse works exactly but it has to be his fault.

It’s their love that’s hurting Ayato. The worst part is that Itto can’t fix it. Ayato is in love, has been for a while and will continue to be. Itto’s actions don’t matter. Ayato will hurt and hurt and hurt.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” He isn’t sure who he is saying it to. Maybe it’s meant for Ayato, an apology for causing him to suffer. Maybe it’s to an higher being in hope that maybe they’ll change their mind about Ayato’s fate.

But Ayato is still hacking and Itto is still powerless.

“You’ll be okay, I’m sure you’ll be okay,” he whispers and Ayato’s hands tighten around his clothes.

There’s a growing pit in Itto’s stomach.

The more reassurances he spew, the less he believes in them.

Itto really wants to go find Ayaka. He knows Ayato should have stopped coughing by now, it’s not normal. He should be breathing normally and making snarky comments. Ayaka needs to know. Itto can’t push it back much longer. So why can’t he move?

Ayato’s hand relaxes, it’s less tense but not limp. Itto’s heart is speeding up. Ayato’s coughing stops.

“Ayato? Ayato?”

There is a humming sound. It barely could be called a response. Itto squeezes Ayato’s arm and pushes him in order to get a good look. Ayato’s eyes are barely open, he makes a sound more like a whine than anything else.

“Oh no.”

Itto doesn’t stop to think, he hoists Ayato up and runs out of the room screaming for help. Ayato is burning up. He should have noticed it earlier, reacted earlier. When he enters the next door, he is met by Ayaka and Thoma.

“I, I don’t know what to do.” His voice breaks. “I think he passed out or something.”

“Pulse,” Thoma said, his fingers are trembling as he reaches out to check Ayato’s heartbeat. “Is he breathing?”

Itto puts his hand under Ayato’s nose. No air. His mouth is closed. “I don’t think he is.”

Itto freezes. Sobs. Heart wrenching sobs. He looks up. Ayaka is crying. He heard it but he couldn’t believe it. “Ayaka… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please…”

“Thoma, please, tell me his heart is beating.” She wipes her eyes and sucks in a hiccup.

“Fuck. I can’t find a pulse. Let’s put him down, thirty pulses and two times?”

She nods as confirmation.

Itto tries to be as gentle as possible as he puts Ayato on the floor. “What’s happening?” He asks when Thoma puts his hands over Ayato’s heart and starts pushing down.

“It’s to restart the heart.” She takes a deep breath. “What happened? I don’t blame you, I just need to know.”

“We were… Talking and suddenly he started coughing. I tried to come get you but he didn’t want me to leave, I should have brought him here…”

“That’s okay…” She sniffles and chuckles bitterly. “Sorry. I’m a mess. It’s just… Yeah…”

“No. It’s fine.” He bites his lips. He’s so stupid.

He could have done so many things to prevent this. He feels tears build up in his own eyes. Why is he always making the wrong decisions? What if he just killed Ayato? Not only though the flowers rooted in the Commissioner’s heart but also through his inability to call for help earlier.

Thoma is counting. You have to strain to hear it but the last number he announces loudly. “Thirty.” He puts his mouth over Ayato and seems to blow air in it. He does that twice and then switches back to the hand thing.

“Thoma,” Ayaka calls. “Stop.” Her tone is cold and composed, not in a way that feels genuine.

Itto immediately protests. “What? No! You can’t stop. It might work!”

“Itto, I don’t think it will,” Thoma reasons but he is still doing it.

“Please, Thoma.” Ayaka’s tone calls for complete obedience. Thoma lifts his hands slowly. “My brother doesn’t want that.”

Itto never bow down to anyone though. Especially when it comes to people he loves.So he fights back. “Yes, he would! Ayato would want to be alive!”

Especially after what happened today. Right? He wouldn't want to have died right there. Would he?

“He would have… I think…”

“Itto…” She rubs her arm and squeezes her forearm. “That’s not what it’s about. He would have wanted to spend time with you, with me, with everyone. But he didn’t want to suffer. I, as his sister, should choose what’s best for him. He wanted to be done with it. He gave up, and made sure he didn’t have regrets.”

“I can’t… We can’t let him go…”

“I don’t want to either…”

“I…” Itto blinks and looks away from Ayaka’s eyes. “Can I leave?”

She nods. “Yes. Maybe that’s for the best. Thoma will escort you to Ayato’s room. Unless you want the guest room?”

“Ayato’s room will be fine…”

Thoma gets up, leaving Ayato to lie there. Itto can’t bear to look.

Thoma silently leads him through the house. Itto’s thoughts are spiralling, taking over his mind entirely. When they stop in front of a door, Thomw clears his throat. It snaps Itto back to reality.

“Ayaka isn’t doing this because she wants to hurt anyone. That’s what Ayato instructed us to do.” He’s trying to sound calm but Itto feels the conflict, similar to the one he is experiencing.

“I did this. I killed him.”

“No, you had no control over what happened, there’s nothing that tells us he would still be alive if you did anything different.”

“Had I been quicker…”

“Hey, buddy. Don’t overthink it. No one blame you. Just, go rest and we will be there for you.”

Itto takes a deep breath. “Yeah… Okay…”

Ayaka wakes up to a servant’s voice calling for her.

It takes her a few seconds to understand what was going on and reply. “I’ll be right out.”

It is unusual for her not to get up on her own. Ayaka loves the morning and the sun being too high, too bright in the sky when she woke up always disheartened her.

Even if there wasn’t a hint of light in the sky yet, she still doesn’t have the heart to enjoy her day.

Today is a bad day, she thinks as she tries to untangle her hair with her hands. She doesn’t want to move and her head is filled with thoughts she wishes had stayed in her sleep.

She comes out of her room after having gathered the courage to get ready.

The food is prepared and to her surprise she finds both Thoma and Itto waiting for her. “Good morning,” she says while fighting back a yawn.

They greet her back and tell her to sit down quickly before the food grows cold.

The smell of freshly cooked food cheers her up a bit. It’s not like seeing Ayato’s face but it makes her smile a bit brighter and feel a bit more alive.

Ayaka eagerly digs into the breakfast that had been prepared. She didn’t have a lot of physical labour to do today but a lot of guests were coming in, she needed the energy. A good day of work starts with a good meal.

The intimate ceremony for Ayato is going to be held before lunch, it is mostly family and close political allies. Later, Ayaka would have to honour her brother’s life in front of everyone.

Ayato would probably hate that his death caused such a ruckus but he couldn’t nag Ayaka about it yet.

Itto ate slowly but Ayaka was overjoyed to see him actually try to eat without being coerced into it. He seemed to pick the foods he liked most and set aside some bits of ones he didn’t like when he munched on plates with more than one ingredient.

“Is the food to your liking?”

Itto jumps a bit in surprise. He blinks and looks up.

Ayaka still feels bad about their discussion that night. She understands what Itto was feeling and it was hard for her too to watch Ayato’s lifeless body. Whenever she closes her eyes it’s all she sees.

The atmosphere between them cleared up slightly. Thoma was probably to thank for this, Ayaka already made notes to let him have as much time off as possible once they were done with public ceremonies.

“Oh, yeah. It’s good. Boiled cabbages aren’t always my thing,” Itto clarifies when he realises Ayaka is focused on the untouched vegetables.

“I see. I’m sorry. Next time I’ll make sure you have no cabbage in your food.”

Itto rubs his neck awkwardly. Ayaka knows he is trying to come up with a counter argument but she learnt how to be the perfect hostess from a young age and won’t let Itto make her doubt her abilities because of his politeness.

“I truly don’t mind so don’t even try to argue with me.”

He laughs bashfully, “you saw right through me,” he admits. He looks back at his food and pokes at it. “But I’ll probably not be back for a while so you don’t need to remember stuff like this.”

Thoma looks surprised to hear that. “Really?”

Itto hasn’t left the estate in the several days that passed. Ayaka did, reluctantly, so she echoes the sentiment. She likes that the house holds so many memories. Sometimes it hurts but Ayato is everywhere and it’s soothing to know that.

“Hmmm. I think if I stay it will just be more painful.” He explains. “I buried my head so deep in the sand now it won’t come out.”

Ayaka presses her lips together and exhales loudly. “I can’t deny you the right to move on. That’s what Ayato wants for all of us. But, I have to say, I made myself a promise to care for you as my brother would have. Long ago, I decided not to resent you and to provide what you need.”

“That’s too kind. I don’t deserve this.”

“You’re family. It’s only natural.”

Itto doesn’t reply. He is too astonished to react.

Ayaka looks away. She feels weird, her palms are sweaty. Maybe it wasn’t her place to say it but Ayato isn’t here to do it. Itto needs to know Ayato truly loves him. The flowers were quite the proof but further than that, Ayato hadn’t adored someone quite like he had Itto.

Ayato would have proposed to Itto. It could have taken years or decades but he would have. Ayato is stubborn, he probably would have realised only Itto could make his heart race before he made a move but Ayaka truly believes they would have been husbands.

“You two should have gotten more time together, but you did not. My heart aches for you. It’s out of consideration for the bond you shared with my brother that I say you’re welcome to rely on me. I can spare the ressources to keep you healthy and happy.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much!”

Ayaka doesn’t have time to brace herself when Itto plunges forwards and hugs her.

She looks at Thoma, he looks amused by the scene and drinks serenely from his tea cup.

“Itto, Itto, too tight,” she warns. He immediately lets her go with a look of worry on his face.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. You’re quite strong.”

Itto smiles. “Yeah! I gotta be to help people!”

Ayaka would say it’s the Oni genes but that’s a valid reason too.

Thoma clears his throat. “Milady, it’s time for the Traveller to arrive.”

Ayaka feels her cheeks heat up. “May I please be excused,” she says as she gets up. Thoma looks like he is holding in laughter, Itto is staring but doesn’t seem to be aware of Ayaka’s reaction and its nature.

The Traveller isn’t really tied down to any place like humans are so Ayaka had to watch them leave the night of Ayato’s passing.

It was all the more painful when she watched them cross the gates of the estate: it meant she was truly alone. She broke down as soon as she retreated to her chambers. In the morning, Thoma found her exhausted and strung.

The Traveller smiles as they approach, Paimon is already bubbling with excitement.

Ayaka has truly missed them. Both of them. Although sometimes Paimon gets in the way, she loves the little creature. Ayaka hugs the Traveller tightly as soon as they’re at arms’ reach. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“That’s only what’s right. You’ve done so much for me, I’m trying to make sure I don’t owe you too much.”

“Whatever debt you think I hold over you, it’s long been forgiven.”

The Traveller shrugs. “Okay, then, let’s say it another way. I like doing things for you.”

Ayaka is positively sure she’s as red as a flaming flower. “Oh. So do I.”

The Traveller smiles. “Then it’s settled, we’ll both do things for each other.”

The woman can only hum in reply. The blonde wanderer is the only person that’s able to make her forget every word in existence. They could just breathe and Ayaka would swoon.

“Hey, Ayaka,” Paimon calls. “Is that food I smell? What are you eating without Paimon?!”

Ayaka chuckles. “It’s just breakfast. You may join Itto and Thoma if you so wish.”

Itto felt tears prickle his eyes. He continued to rummage through his stuff.

Shinobu puts a hand over his shoulder. It’s a quiet order to stop, take a deep breath and not start crying. “Hey, we’ll find it. Can you remember where you last saw it?”

“I don’t know… I had it when I left for the party… But I can’t remember what happened to it after I got there.”

“You stayed over at the Kamisatos’ for a while, maybe it’s there.”

Itto sniffles. He is trying to rack his brains but nothing comes up. He’s sure he still had it when he was outside with Ayato. Where can it have gone?

“Okay, big boy, let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll go over and ask if we can look around, retrace your steps.”

“What if I can’t find it?”

Itto feels his heart tear apart at the thought.

Shinobu presses her lips together. She doesn’t know the story behind how he got the earrings but she understands how important they are to him.

“That won’t happen. No matter what I have to do, I’ll help you find them.” She puts her hands over his arms and squeezes them. “I promise.”

The Oni wipes his nose. “Okay.” He takes a deep breath, it’s not enough to entirely soothe him but it helps relieve his nerves a little. “Yeah, okay.” He looks around at the mess they made. “Can you stay here and look again? I’ll go to the Kamisato Estate…”

As he enters Ayato’s bedroom he wonders, not for the first time, why Ayaka sent him here after Ayato’s passing.

It’s unbelievable that the immense house didn’t have another room ready to welcome guests.

He is thankful though. There is happiness in the pain.

He looks around and he can imagine Ayato feeding Elizabeth and he can try to conjure the image of the room being a pigsty but he doubts it’s ever the case. Ayato doesn’t seem like one to leave a mess and the people hurrying around the estate probably come to make sure everything is in order.

Everything looks perfect. Like it belongs in this exact spot. Itto would even say everything in the room is right where it should be, right where the Archons want it. Of course it might be the work of servants but there is something about the arrangement of the room that feels like Ayato’s work.

The clothes are sorted by colours, the libraries follow a pattern of difficulty of reading and the various decorations are spread unconventionally.

Elizabeth’s terrarium stands on what should have been a desk with the chair being next to the wardrobe. That would be the most Ayato thing in the room if it wasn’t for one other thing…

Ayato has a small box barely hidden away with memorabilia.

It’s kept next to a diary that is painfully abandoned. There are very few entries, Itto read a couple boring ones about Commissioner affairs before deciding to leave Ayato’s thoughts to Ayato. Diaries are so intimate and if Ayato decided to write in it when he was suffering, Itto probably shouldn’t invade the safe space that was created.

The box he allows himself to look through.

There’s a scrap of paper with something Itto drew, the sketch faded so it’s hard to see but Itto remembers it being a poor rendering of a tanuki they spotted in a walk in the forest by the estate. Ayato and Itto ran after it but still lost its track. They went back to Ayato’s study and both traded drawings of the tanuki. Itto doesn’t know where the one Ayato drew is… He needs to find it. Once he finds his earrings he’ll look around. That drawing will probably be easier to find.

There’s a dried Cecilia in the box. Itto examines it closely. It doesn’t look damaged

He finds some letters from various people and a few torn up pieces of paper from Ayato’s own penship. There’s a family recipe that Itto respectfully doesn’t read. An earring, lone and rusting. Not the one he needs though.

Itto finds all kinds of trinkets. A lot of them, he doesn’t recognize, even though they must hold so much meaning to Ayato for him to have kept them with such care for years.

He still had so much to learn about Ayato…

As he is looking through the different things, someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” he says. The door opens and Ayaka walks in, she looks tired. There are subtle circles under her eyes and she blinks slowly.

“Hello, Itto. I heard you lost something, did you find it?”

“No…” He didn’t look hard, he got a bit distracted. Ayato seems to still sidetrack him.

Her eyes fall upon the content of the box. “Ah, you found the Memory Stach.” She bends down and glances at it. “Hmmm… I think that’s not the most recent one. He started another a few weeks ago. I’ll try to find it, I think this new one was made for us to see. The old one, although interesting, holds no meaning to people that aren’t Ayato.”

“I see… I’m just…” Itto feels tears well up in his eyes. It’s like before. Too many feelings he can’t keep inside. He sniffles. “I don’t know what to do. I lost that damn thing and he gave it to me. I lost him and now I lost his gift… I love him, and everything he gave me… Why is everything gone?” Even the damn drawing.

Ayaka bites her lips. She puts a hand over his shoulder. “He loved you too…And don’t worry, we’ll find whatever you lost.”

She is silent for a few seconds. “I told him to tell you, about his feelings.” Her eyes scan his face for a reaction. “He didn’t want to cause you pain… But then you confessed and… He feared that if you reciprocated, it would kill him and it seems in a way it did.”

“He told me,” Itto states.

Ayaka looks almost taken aback by those three words.

“And it’s what hurts most,” he continues. To know everything we missed together. He told me he loved me and he passed. And now I have nothing…”

“I’m so sorry Itto… I didn’t know…”

Itto wipes his nose with his sleeve. His eyes are hurting. “It’s fine.” He can feel more snot dripping down in his lips, he doesn’t bother getting it off and chooses to swallow it. It’s salty. Kinda gross.

“Let’s have tea. Thoma already prepared some after welcoming you. Then we’ll take a look around.”

They do just that. The tea is lukewarm but Thoma uses his vision to get it at a temperature for tea drinking. Once they’re finished, they go back in the bedroom and Itto describes the earrings to Thoma and Ayaka. They search everywhere but to no avail.

“What did you do before coming here,” Thoma asks. “Before the party.”

“Oh… I think I went to the river a bit downhill because I wanted to cool down.” And to check his reflection to make sure he looked good. He had hoped for Ayato to admire him, to get lost looking.

“How about you go check there and we will split between the inside and the outside?”

“Okay.”

It’s not down at the river either.

Itto trail back to the estate with quick steps when he sees a flash of white hair. His heart skips a beat. Then he sees the full figure and it’s not tall and lanky Ayato. It’s flying Paimon.

“Itto,” the Traveller calls. They smile and wave. Paimon’s usual glitter path is even brighter and more condensed as usual. “I have your earrings!!”

Itto feels tears in his eyes again. This time it’s out of relief. He jumps on top of the two of them and gives them a bone-crushing hug. The Traveller is shocked still for a couple of seconds and then reciprocates.

“Sorry, we found them and Paimon thought it was an important item so Paimon convinced the Traveller to take it…” the flying thing looks slightly remorseful.

“It’s okay.” Itto lets go of them and holds his hands out to retrieve the earrings. The Traveller takes it out of their bag.

It still shines bright.

Itto feels tears fill his eyes. He is so relieved.

Lady Kamisato gets married two years after her brother’s passing. It’s all everyone talks about for months before it even happens. They all expect a lavish wedding, something that will proudly display her Clan’s strength and power. Instead it’s a quiet affair.

The Oni Itto is in attendance, his ties to the family stronger than ever.

Once the ceremony has ended, he immediately goes to Kamisato Ayato’s resting place. At first it’s just the two of them, Itto babbling away about how stunning Ayaka looked and how happy she was. He talks about how much they miss him and how Ayaka chose Cecilias as the flowers for their wedding because the Traveller loves them. Plus it brought some of Ayato to the ceremony. Everywhere they looked, memories of him remained. Warm ones. The ones that made you laugh and think about the good times.

Lady Kamisato joins with her spouse, a familiar blonde with a flying compagnon. Thoma comes as well. They all sit together and chat, the spirit of their beloved friend listening from the urn watching over them.

Sake and laughs are shared.

Then the sun sets and the moon shines and they part ways. Itto looks up at the stars and tries to find the prettiest one where his love lies.