Chapter Text
sasha added connie, Mikasa, ymir, historia, and five others to a group chat.
sasha renamed the group chat THIRD FLOOR BESTIES!!
Wednesday 11:57 AM
sasha: howdy yall!
sasha: i wanted to make a groupchat for everyone i know on the third floor. we’re neighbors now and therefore we should all get to know each other 🔫🔫🔫
Armin: ???????? What's with the guns
connie: we should all get to know each other (threat)
sasha: duh
Armin: Oh silly me
annie: im nutimf thsi gc
sasha: ??????????
Mikasa: She’s muting the group chat.
sasha: im less offended at the fact that shes muting the chat right away and more offended over her typing skills. and i thought connie’s typos could be bad
sasha: how’d you even know what she SAID jesus fuck
Mikasa: She’s my roommate. I asked her and she told me.
sasha: and they were roommates
connie: oh my god they were roommates…
ymir: how did you get my number
historia: oh i gave it to her! i thought you wouldnt mind, sorry :( i probably should have asked you first
ymir: no no it’s ok wa just wondienrg
connie: suuuure you werw
ymir: the fuck you just say, caillou?
connie: how do you even know what i loik like
ymir: your fucking profile picture idiot
ymir: also saw you when you were moving in
ymir: you waved at me dumbass
sasha: ok lets aybe not fight right off the bat
historia: sasha, i think this groupchat was a great idea! thanks for adding me!
sasha: im glad SOMEONE appreciates my efforts. historia you’re an angel
Reiner: I agree, historia is great
ymir: fuck off bitch
Reiner: Bro chill im gay
Reiner: I just think shes nice cause she helped me during move in day
ymir: oh youre in the clear then
ymir: for now
historia: you guys are so sweet :)
eren: how’d you get my number?
sasha: the world may never knowwww
Armin: I gave it to her
sasha: way to spoil the mystery :/
Mikasa: I assume you gave her my number as well, then?
Mikasa: I would have given it to you if you’d just come to my door and asked, Sasha.
sasha: sorry mikasa!! you’re kind of scary and armin is very nonthreatening
Armin: Thanks?
jean: sasha thats mean
jean: i think youre very pretty mikasa
Mikasa: It’s alright, I can be pretty and scary at the same time. Like Annie.
ymir: mikasa gay as HELL
Mikasa: I was just pointing out a similarity between us. But yes, unrelated to what I said, I’m gay.
ymir: a WIN for the sapphics
eren: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO jean tried to flirt with a lesbian
jean: fuck off eren im sure you would have too
eren: dude thats my sister
connie: KDJFHSKFJHAKSJHFKAJHF
sasha: oh my god jean you’re fucking up like crazy today 😭
sasha: wait you and mikasa look nothing alike
sasha: …shes asian right??
Mikasa: I’m adopted.
connie: ooh is there a story thrre?
Mikasa: Yes. I didn’t have parents so Eren’s took me in.
sasha: …
sasha: …
sasha: …
sasha: …
connie: …
sasha: …
connie: …
sasha: …
ymir : …
historia: gonna assume thats all we’re getting out of her
Bertolt: Oh, hello everyone. Judging by the name of the chat i’m guessing you’re my neighbors
sasha: yup!! and before you ask, reiner gave me your number
Reiner: Yo bert where you been??
ymir: who tf willingly lets themself be called bert
Bertolt: I was taking a shower, i didn’t get a chance to after practice
Bertolt: Also when people butcher the spelling of your name in every conceivable way possible, it’s easier to just give yourself an ugly name
ymir: understandable
ymir: you on the basketball team?
Bertolt: I know you’re only making that assumption because im tall
ymir: that and im on the girl’s basketball team
Bertolt: Oh thats cool
Bertolt: I play football with reiner
jean: damn how many of us play sports?? im on the soccer team w/ eren
eren: im about to throw away my whole soccer career just to avoid being on the same team as you
Mikasa: Do not do that, Eren. You’re here on scholarship.
jean: ??/?//? tf did i do to you eren?
eren: flirted with mikasa and then said i’d have done the same
jean: how was I supposed to know she was your sister???? and gay????
connie added Marco to THIRD FLOOR BESTIES!!
connie: sorry to interrupt the begingns of an enemies to livers arc but i just met the nicesy person on the planet in the elevstor and i NEEDED to add hom here
jean: an enemies to LIVERS?
Marco: Hi! Connies just being nice, im literally just a guy
sasha: i’ve never known connie to be NICE
Marco: Oh wait, you guys are in soccer? Me too
jean: nice!!! got a lotta jocks in here
jean: mikasa you play any sports?
eren: she is a LESBIAN
jean: i know! just tryna make friendly convo!
ymir: “friendly”
Mikasa: Yes, I play a few sports. Volleyball, swimming, horseback riding, and tennis.
historia: woah!!!!
connie: you call that a FEW
ymir: the fuck?? when do you get the time to do all that shit?
Mikasa: I excel in time management skills.
Armin: She played baseball as a kid too
ymir: any woman that can play baseball and volleyball is not straight ksfjhkjfa
Mikasa: I thought we already established that I am, in fact, a lesbian.
eren: oh yeahhh i forgot abt mikasa’s baseball era
eren: zeke taught her, that was a weird time
Mikasa: He’s the whole reason I stopped.
Reiner: Who’s zeke
Armin: Uhh Eren’s half brother, he's kind of in jail now
Bertolt: Kind of?
Armin: Well. he’s in and out a lot
Marco: Does he have an on/off relationship with prison 😭 im confused
eren: just accept hes in jail tf
sasha: damn wtf is your family tree
ymir: no literally lmfao eren’s got an adopted sister who “excels in time management” as if ANYONES good at that. and a half brother who’s only got one foot in jail 💀💀💀
ymir: got any normal family members?
eren: no
ymir: oh
historia: ok can we stop prodding in their personal lives now
ymir: i’ll let you prod me wherever you want ;)
Bertolt: Um we’re in a group chat
ymir: ok and?
Marco: I thought that was very smooth ymir
ymir: connie you have given us the best addition to this groupchat since historia
connie: i TOLD you guys
sasha: so from what i’ve gathered from this gc, mikasa eren and armin knew each other before this
sasha: reiner bert and annie knew each other
Bertolt: How’d you know we know annie?
Reiner: I gave sasha annie’s #
sasha: connie and i knew each other
sasha: and ymir and historia knew each other?
historia: actually ymir and i just met today
eren: then whys she acting like you’ve been dating since high school
ymir: we vibed right away eren. you wouldnt understand
historia: yeah we’re getting along great despite not knowing each other already! i’m glad i got such a compatible roommate
sasha: and they were roommates
connie: oh my god they were roommates…
Bertolt: Is that a reference to something? reiner and i are roommates
connie: and they were roommates
sasha: oh my god they were roommates…
Mikasa: I’m hardly on social media and even I understood that reference. How disconnected are you?
Reiner: He’s had a flip phone all the way up until this year
historia: ???
historia: why
Armin: This is just like Love is War lmfaooo
Bertolt: I have a weird relationship with my parents
ymir: hashtag relatable
eren: hashtag relatable
historia: hashtag relatable
Reiner: Hashtag relatable
ymir: you ruined the all lowercase chain we had going
Reiner: Oh sorry
Reiner: hashtag relatable
connie: it’s too late the xhains broken
Marco: …are you guys ok
jean: clearly not
ymir: 12 pm traumadumping 🥵🥵
historia: so sexy of us aha
ymir: esp you, sexy
jean: im gonna vomit
ymir: you’re just homophobic 🙄👎
jean: im bi. thought having autocap off would indicate that
sasha: wait wait is anyone straight here?
Reiner: Not me
Bertolt: No
eren: nope
Armin: I feel like it’s pretty obvious I’m gay
Marco: Wow, i’ve found my people!
historia: i am a ceritifed girl kisser
connie: wtf i thought jean was gonna be our token strsight but he ruinef that by liking men
jean: how is this my fault???
eren: im lovign this “blame jean for everything” thing we have oing on
historia: lovign
sasha: oing
ymir: get his ass
eren: fuck you guys
ymir: omg eren hates women wtf cancel him rn
Marco: Wait one second
Marco: Was just looking through the chat members
Marco: Who’s annie?
Marco: Maybe she can be our token straight
annie: u dumbassrs im nit fuckgin strshht
Armin: What does this even say
Mikasa: She’s not straight.
Mikasa: I thought you muted the chat?
annie: i csn stilk hear ur notfis frim acrosd the romo
Mikasa: Oh, sorry. I’ll silence it.
ymir: whipped already mikasa???
ymir: also annie you can’t type for shit
annie: yoi’ll grt ysed to it
Mikasa: Or you can just learn to make fewer typos.
annie: no
Mikasa: See? You’re doing better already. There were no typos in that text.
eren: mikasa that text was also two letters
ymir: let her have her dreams of grandeur
sasha: omg mikasa can i call you mimi pleasepleseplesplsplspls
Mikasa: Mimi?
Armin: Lmao that doesn’t fit you at ALL
sasha: i wanna have a cutesy nickname for youuuuu
sasha: i just think it’d be so funny you’re so scary and you play like 20 sports
Mikasa: I only play four.
sasha: imagine if i just fucking called you MIMI
Mikasa: I’m not a fan of this idea.
sasha changed Mikasa’s name to mimi.
sasha: too late!
ymir: ohhh shit we can change each other’s names???
ymir changed ymir’s name to ALL POWRRFUL GODDESSS
ALL POWRRFUL GODDESSS: MWAHHAHAAH
historia: goddesss
sasha: powrrful
eren: get her ass
mimi changed mimi’s name to Mikasa.
Mikasa changed ALL POWRRFUL GODDESSS’s name to Ymir.
Mikasa: This is ridiculous.
Ymir: what the FUCK
Ymir changed Ymir’s name to ymir.
ymir: much better
sasha changed Mikasa’s name to mimi.
mimi changed mimi’s name to Mikasa.
sasha changed Mikasa’s name to mimi.
mimi changed mimi’s name to Mikasa.
sasha changed Mikasa’s name to mimi.
mimi changed mimi’s name to Mikasa.
sasha changed Mikasa’s name to mimi.
mimi changed mimi’s name to Mikasa.
Mikasa: Give up.
sasha: NEVERRRRR
sasha changed Mikasa’s name to mimi.
mimi changed mimi’s name to Mikasa.
sasha changed Mikasa’s name to mimi.
mimi changed mimi’s name to Mikasa.
historia: ok please shut the fuck up
historia: kindly
ymir: yes maam
jean: you werent even talking
sasha changed Mikasa’s name to mimi.
mimi: Fuck this shit.
mimi changed sasha’s name to Bitch.
Bitch: MIMI I DIDNT KNOW YOU CURSE
eren: you’ve also known mikasa for like half an hour sasha
Armin: Yeah Mikasa can have the mouth of a sailor when she feels like it
Bitch: but i thought you were on the same level of angelic as historia and marco
historia: ?? i literally cursed five seconds ago
mimi: If anyone is at the same level of angelic as those two, it’s Armin.
Armin: <3 <3 <3
Marco changed Bitch’s name to sasha.
Marco changed mimi’s name to Mikasa.
Marco: I think thats enough guys
jean: damnnn he even changed the names back by how they were capitalized
jean changed Marco’s name to literal angel.
literal angel: Thats nice but no thanks
literal angel changed literal angel’s name to Marco.
ymir: that name’s available now?
Reiner: I don’t think anyone sees you as an angel ymir
ymir: bitch ik
ymir: its not for me
ymir: im a fucking menace to society
ymir changed historia’s name to literal angel.
ymir changed ymir’s name to YOUR GODDESS YMIR.
Reiner changed YOUR GODDESS YMIR’s name to Fucking menace to society.
Armin: Ok you know what
Armin: I cant trust any of you to use this responsibly
Armin changed literal angel’s name to historia.
Armin changed Fucking menace to society’s name to ymir.
Armin locked admin settings.
sasha: how did you even get admin powers from me???
eren: armin is so smart and cool and hot
eren: hes a tech wiz
eren: none of you are safe
Armin: Including you >:)
eren: good ;)
Armin: :0
eren: hack me daddy
jean: this is revolting
eren: you just hate happy people
Mikasa: Eren, stop flirting with Armin in front of everyone. It’s irritating.
Mikasa: Don’t worry, Jean. You have nothing to envy. Eren is anything but happy.
jean: im not jealous!!!
eren: im happy!!!
Reiner: Wasnt eren the one screaming at his video games just an hour ago?
connie: dude that was yoy??? you got unchecked angwr issues or smth?
Mikasa: Lay off him.
eren: unchecked anger? more like unchecked trauma lmfaooaoaooaoaoo
ymir: hashtag relatable
historia: hashtag relatable
Reiner: hashtag relatable
connie: hey he did it!!
Reiner: I learned my lesson haha
Marco: …I reiterate my last question. are you guys ok
jean: and i reiterate my last response. clearly not
eren: mik you should have joined the #relatable gang
Mikasa: My trauma is not unchecked. I have a therapist.
sasha: soooo true i think yall should all follow her example for everything
Bertolt: Pretty sure if we all followed her example for everything we’d be perfect machines
Mikasa: I’m not a machine.
connie: you’ve been textinf with perfect grammar and spelign this entire time
ymir: you “excel in time management”
sasha: you play 20 sports
Mikasa: Four.
eren: mikasa can come off robotic but i promise shes got flaws
eren: i’ll lyk when i find them tho
Mikasa: I’m taking that as a compliment.
Armin: Could you not constitute emotionless as a flaw?
historia: i sure wouldnt
historia: i’d pay good money to not feel anything
ymir: hashtag relatable
eren: hashtag relatable
Reiner: hashtag relatable
connie: youre on a roll big man!!!
Reiner: :)
Marco: Please seek therapy
Mikasa: I agree with Marco.
Mikasa: Also, your argument doesn’t make sense. I feel plenty of emotions. I just don’t feel the need to communicate them.
jean: so your only flaw is that you repress your emotions?
Mikasa: I have flaws. I’m not a good artist. I’m allergic to dogs.
ymir: 😐 gee save some struggles for the rest of us
connie: idk the dog allergy is pretty tragic
jean: she has to deal with eren so she basically got a dog anyway
ymir: thats an insult to dogs everywhere
eren: fuck you guys
Mikasa: Eren is not a dog. If he were an animal, I imagine he’d be a rabid chinchilla.
eren: MIKASA WTF
sasha: LMFAOOODHKJSFHKDJ
connie: EVEN BETTER
ymir: mikasa went for the jugular
jean sent an attachment.
[rabidchinchilla.jpg]
jean: @eren this you?
sasha: SOTP DFJHDASJKFH
eren: mikasa this is all your fault
eren: this is not funny she probably didnt even mean it as a joke
connie: that makes it EVEN FUNNIER
ymir: she GENUINELY thinks you’re like a rabid chinchilla this is fucking gold
Armin: It’s pretty funny djfhsjkf
eren: ET TU ARMIN
Armin: Sorry!! but i’d be lying if i said it didnt make me laugh
eren: my sister and now my boyfriend, who’s next? marco??
Marco: What do i have to do with this??
jean: yeah leave him alone
ymir: fruity af
jean: ???
historia: she said what she said
jean: im starting to see you as less of an angel now
historia: looks can be deceiving!
sasha: offtopic but the showers on this floor are gross
Bertolt: Really? the boys bathroom was fine
ymir: whose bright idea was it to make coed floors anyway
ymir: the girls bathroom is all the way on the other side of the hallway from my dorm but the boys is right next to me. make it make sense
sasha: i like the coed floors!!!! i got to put a special request to room w connie
Mikasa: That explains why they put a last-minute change to my roommate then. I was originally supposed to room with you.
Reiner: And annie was originally gonna have a room for herself
Bertolt: Yeah she was pretty disappointed when she found out she’d have to room with someone else
eren: luckily for her, rooming with mikasa is about as good for your social life as rooming by yourself
Armin: Mikasa’s not much of a talker
Bertolt: Annie’s not much of a listener so that works
sasha: sorry i changed yalls dorming situation sm!!
Mikasa: I don’t mind.
ymir: she sure doesnt ;))))))
Mikasa: I don’t understand what you’re trying to imply.
historia: just that you’re probably enjoying annie’s company!
Mikasa: I am. She hasn’t bothered me or gotten in my space at all.
ymir: BANGS POTS AND PANS
ymir: ALARMS BLARE
ymir: WEE OO WEE OO GAY GAY GAY WEE OO WEE OO FRUITY AS FUCK
Mikasa: I’m monumentally confused
Armin: I can tell omg you didn’t punctuate your text
eren: thats how you know shes REALLY flustered
historia: ymir is just being ymir
Mikasa: I think I’m starting to understand what that means now.
Reiner: Yo im gonna hit the dining hall, anyone wanna come with
sasha: ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME E MEEMEMEMEMe
Marco: Lol something tells me sasha wants to
jean: what gave it away
Marco: Idk! Just a hunch
sasha: well marco my little freckled darling, your hunch is absolutely CORRECT
connie: sashas going so i’ll comw too
annie: do yoy kniw if thry havw dontus
eren: … try again bestie
annie: ugh
annie: do you know if they hvae donuts
Mikasa: I can check for you. I’ll text you if they do.
Mikasa: Actually, I’ll just bring one back if they do.
annie: oh
annie: thanks
ymir: “oh”
ymir: you guys saw that right
Bertolt: I dont understand
ymir: it was a GAY “oh”
ymir: shes probs BLUSHING rn bc a pretty girl is walking all theway across campus just to see if there are donuts
Mikasa: Well Annie’s turned away from me right now, but I don’t think she’s blushing. You’re making a lot of assumptions rather quickly, no?
ymir: you’ll see… all my assumptions will come to fruition
ymir: or in this case, FRUITYion
Marco: 11/10 pun
Reiner: I dont think ive ever seen her blush
Reiner: Heading to the dining hall rn btw!! meet you guys at the elevator
jean: i’ll go meet you guys there in a bit im gonna help marco
ymir: BANGS POTS AND PANS
ymir: ALARMS BLARE
ymir: WEE OO WEE OO GAY GAY GAY WEE OO WEE OO FRUITY AS FUCK
jean: HOW we just met
jean: im literally just helping him unpack his stuff for our room
connie: and they were roommates
sasha: oh my god they were roommates…
jean: that joke is so outdated PLEASE find a new one
sasha: it’s a TIMELESS meme
connie: it’s one of the GREATS like rickrolling and the pikachu meme
Armin: The pikachu meme is pretty outdated too
sasha: we’re leaving for food rn but i WILL be back to argue. mark my words
sasha: dont let the chat die while we’re gone
THIRD FLOOR BESTIES!!
Wednesday 1:06 PM
sasha: YALL LET THE CHAT DIE.