Chapter Text
Dazai has a huge problem. Well-- to be fair, the man has many, and I mean, MANY problems. But this one had been waiting to resurface for a long time now, and it could have just popped up at any time.
Nakahara Chuuya.
He knew they were going to meet again someday, though he hadn't prepared to reunite with him at a pumpkin patch of all places. And he had not prepared for his old feelings to reunite with his brain, either.
Dazai had been in love with Chuuya since they were in middle school. From the way his red hair matched his stunning, lapis-colored eyes, to his strong personality. The short guy was simply so ethereal-- no, too ethereal, to the point where Dazai literally thought he was dreaming when he first saw Chuuya. Every time they touched, sparks of electricity were sent down Dazai's spine, and their conversations lasted hours.
Alas, everything that Dazai had ever loved ended abruptly.
When he was graduating high school, he planned to move in with Chuuya and start a life with together. They actually agreed upon starting a coffee shop in the smaller part of the city. Though, these plans came to a sudden halt when his older brother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Odasaku was a vital role model to Dazai, so when his final wishes were for him to restart his life and Dazai was prone to rash decisions, he did what he was told to do.
And yes, if you were to ask him, he would say he is happier now, but he still feels incomplete. His life was like an unfinished puzzle with a few missing pieces, causing the image to be almost disturbing to look at.
He wants those pieces back.
----
Chuuya was having a peculiar day. It started off with him waking up to the sound of rain hitting his window in a steady rhythm, causing his sleepiness to return. He wanted nothing but to snuggle back into the warmth of his fluffy blanket and let the gentle hands of Hypnos coax him back into dream world-- and he would have let that happen if it weren't for his alarm screaming at him to get up.
It was a slow morning. He had a day off from work, so he decided that he wanted to use it wisely and get stuff done. Stuff, meaning getting a warm cup of pistachio-flavored coffee and occasionally drinking from it while watching the sunrise from the rooftop of a coffee shop. The streets below were wet and shiny as the orange and yellow leaves fell to it, succumbing to their fate of eternal bliss.
And once the sun officially rose over the buildings of downtown Yokohama, he was ready to run some errands and then go back home to clean his apartment.
He ended up stopping by a local store to buy food, and inevitably flips off the canned crab as he walks by (it's a bad habit, and he accidentally did it while shopping with Kouyou once.) When he was searching for wine in the alcohol section, he ended up running into Yosano.
"What's up, Chuuya? How've you been?" she asks curiously. She also seems to be having a pretty chill day, as she literally came to the store in a hoodie, some sweatpants, and a pair of bunny slippers (Who wears those outside of the house, anyway? Totally not the author...)
"Eh, the usual. I actually found a publishing company that wanted something to do with my book, can you believe it?" Chuuya said, shoving three bottles of wine into his shopping basket.
Yosano scoffs. "Well, of course they're going to want something to do with your book! If only I could write like that..."
Chuuya rolls his eyes. "Anyways, what have you been up to recently? We haven't seen each other in a while."
"Nothing much. I just graduated college actually, I'm just waiting for job interview offers."
"Ah, I see. Good luck with that, Yosano!"
"Thanks, good luck publishing your book too! I hope to see ya around." She says, chuckling and waving goodbye to him.
After Chuuya checks out and stuffs his groceries into the back of his car, he heads over to the pumpkin patch. It's almost thanksgiving around this time of year, and he wants to be festive because well- he likes to have flavor in his home decorations. It releases serotonin, and Chuuya really needs some positive energy in his life to balance out everything that has happened to him in the past few years. As he steps through the fields coated with colorful leaves, he finally makes his stop to look at the stupid orange balls of festivity.
And really- when the author said that Chuuya was having a peculiar day, they meant it. Because he felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around expecting a random person- but no, nothing in life really went Chuuya's way.
Because now he was staring into two auburn eyes, those same dumb looking eyes that had Chuuya swooning for him when he was younger. His hair was still the same, except now it was long enough to be put in a tiny ponytail that Chuuya wanted to rip to fucking shreads.
Because those dumb eyes and that dumb hair belonged to Dazai Osamu. His highschool boyfriend who left him in the dust after basically planing their entire lives together. This obviously filled the redhead with rage, because he was having a perfectly good day, and now he wouldnt be able to sleep tonight. Thank god he bought that wine.
Chuuya swallowed. He really, really didn't want to have to deal with this right now.
"The fuck are you doing here?" He managed to say, a gigantic lump forming in his throat causing his voice to be hoarse.
"Hi Chuuuya! Haven't seen you in a whi-" Dazai was cut off by a sharp punch, sending him stumbling backwards.
"Who the hell do you think you are, Dazai?" Chuuya was practically seething, venom seeping through his veins and leaking into his words.
"I just wanted to catch-"
"I don't even know you anymore." Dazai's eyes widened for a split second, then returning to his blank stare which was perhaps darker than before. Dazai wanted to turn around and run away again, and he would've- if it weren't for the redhead standing there staring at him expectantly. What did Chuuya want him to say? What was he supposed to say in the first place? Catching his breath, he decides to try forming a sentance.
"The feeling's mutual, slug! I've been much happier recently." Talking to Chuuya was a stupid idea. He could try and articulate a plan to get closer to him, like he would with anyone else in this situation, but he's talking to Chuuya. His heart did weird things when he talked to Chuuya.
He is also painfully aware of the fact that Chuuya let his guard down for Dazai, and that he did nothing but shatter it 2 years ago. He had no perfectly good reasoning for him leaving, which only makes his situation worse, because well- the love of his life is standing right in front of him with a cold, angry stare. And, to be perfectly honest, Dazai thinks he deserves this. He deserved Odasaku dying, he deserved every cut or scar on his body, and he deserves his trauma. It took everything to fake the smile on his face and suck up all of the crazy emotions he's feeling at the moment. He needed to act uninterested, or this could end horribly.
Chuuya scoffed. "Good for you, Dazai. Good for you." He said sarcastically.
Chuuya doesn't even know why Dazai left. Was it something that he said? Did he do something to hurt him? Or was it just Dazai being Dazai? Chuuya doesn't think he even wants to know. Though, there were some things that he's missed. Such as the way Dazai's bangs messily framed his perfect face, and everything else that came with their relationship. He still silently cusses himself out for the urge to run his hands through Dazai's hair, because everything between them is long gone now. Burned to ash.
"Y'know, I thought you'd have least grown an inch, but wow... I guess I was wrong! Chibi is still a chibi. Didn't change one bit!"
"Can you just shut your petty ass mouth?" Chuuya stiffened. He couldn't even recall the last time he was called that name.
"Nope!" Dazai said cheerfully, overemphasizing the "p."
Chuuya could still see through Dazai's facade, even after all these years. It was truly stupid, because why on Earth would he feel the need to remember anything about the dead fish?
Before Chuuya could just turn around and leave, Dazai grabbed his arm.
"The fuck do you want, Dazai?"
"Just wanted to ask if Chuuya still had the same stupid phone number!"
"And why would I tell you?" A bunch of emotions were racing through Chuuya's mind. Was Dazai trying to come back into his life? Because he doesnt know if he could handle it. He was already left heartbroken by the bastard years before, and he didn't want to risk getting heartbroken again.
"Well, I have a surprise for you!"
"The hell?"
"I left the day before your 19th birthday. I wanted to give you my present, because I didn't want to waste my money!"
This was odd. If Dazai was planning on leaving before his birthday, he would've at least left the present there before he actually left. Maybe he planned on using this to his advantage for when he saw Chuuya again? He didn't want to know.
"Fine, but it better be fucking awesome. My phone number is still the same." Chuuya really needed to start thinking before he talked, because this was just absurd.
"Great!" Dazai exclaimed, clasping his hands together.
And, honestly? The both of them were filled with mixed emotions. Chuuya, because he still had hope of them possibly being friends-- while still being full of anxiousness because he didn't want Dazai to leave him again. And Dazai, because he simply didn't want to fuck up again. He feels like Chuuya gave him too much of a chance, because Dazai deserved every last hurtful word said to him. But maybe, just maybe they could come back to each other after all these years.
"I'll see you around!" Exclaimed Dazai, who was now walking away with a bounce in his step.
Chuuya never bought his pumpkin. Nor did he sleep at all that night. He wasn't prepared to go to work the next day, and he wasn't prepared for Dazai's text.
Though in the end, they both still yearned for each other despite all of their unneeded animosity. And Dazai desperately needed to do something about it.