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As soon as he hears of Cangse Sanren's and Wei Changze's deaths, Lan Qiren combs the streets of Yiling, desperately searching for the little boy he knows they left behind.
Lan Qiren never finds him, despite days of searching. It is likely he may have already been taken away, killed, or worse.
It's a terrible loss on top of the deaths of Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren. Lan Qiren spends his next weeks in a daze. He has a sect to run and nephews to raise. He can't mourn.
His relationship with Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren was a secret—although Lan Qiren suspects some of his family members knew. As such, Lan Qiren cannot place tablets for them in his ancestral hall, nor can he switch his forehead ribbon to the blank one used for mourning.
The most he can do—the most he does—is burn the occasional incense for them and pray for their peace, or beg for their forgiveness. If only he were quicker, if only he'd heard of their deaths sooner, then maybe he could have saved their little A-Ying.
When he sees the name 'Wei Ying. Courtesy: Wuxian' in the list of incoming disciples, Lan Qiren drops the scroll in shock. The boy... lived? But how? Lan Qiren had searched for days and nights without rest! How could he have—
He looks at the sect name: Yunmeng Jiang.
Ah. Of course. Jiang Fengmian.
Lan Qiren should be relieved that Jiang Fengmian found the boy and took him in—and for the most part, he is. Wei Changze was a close friend of Jiang Fengmian's, and Cangse Sanren had spent a significant amount of time in Lotus Pier. It's a good place for any child of theirs to grow up.
So Lan Qiren is dismayed when he also feels jealous and upset. Although Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren hadn't talked about it much, it is widely known that Jiang Fengmian harbored feelings for Cangse Sanren—and that those feelings may have been a deciding factor for Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren to elope instead of marrying at Lotus Pier.
It is also no secret that Jiang Fengmian and his wife do not have a happy marriage; how can they, when Jiang Fengmian is rumored to still be in love with Cangse Sanren after all these years?
Lan Qiren fervently hopes that Wei Wuxian was spared the turmoil of his guardians' marriage.
When Lan Qiren sees Wei Wuxian for the first time, his throat thickens and his eyes almost tear up. He is almost an exact copy of his mother, full of life and mischief. Somewhere among Lan Qiren's joy, he grieves that there seems to be no trace of Wei Changze's calm steadfastness in the boy.
Lan Qiren tries his best to guide the boy, to keep him on the right path and out of trouble, but trouble sticks to Wei Wuxian like sticky sap. Not even time alone with Lan Wangji rattles him into behaving. And then the boy dares to propose using resentful energy instead of eradicating it!
Lan Qiren is at his wits end—will the boy ever learn? Somehow he is even worse than Cangse Sanren was when it comes to thinking up the heretical and impossible.
Then Wei Wuxian gets into a fight with Jin Zixuan, and he has to go home. Jiang Fengmian and Jin Guangshan both show up to collect the boys.
Jiang Fengmian is polite enough and speaks extensively with Lan Qiren on the nature of the conflict. His eyebrows furrow when he hears of how Jin Zixuan spoke of his daughter.
Still, Lan Qiren does not miss the glance Jiang Fengmian sends his way as he leads Wei Wuxian out of the Cloud Recesses.
It's a very clear glance with a very clear message: 'I'm taking him home.'
Lan Qiren refuses to react, because it's true. Lotus Pier—not the Cloud Recesses—is Wei Wuxian's home. Because no matter what relations Lan Qiren had with Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren, Lan Qiren has no right to take Wei Wuxian into the Lan Sect.
War breaks out.
Wei Wuxian goes missing.
Then he comes back, surrounded by spirits and shadows. Lan Qiren doesn't recognize him until he sees the way Wei Wuxian calmly wields the Stygian Tiger Seal on the battlefield and thinks, sickeningly, 'Ah. There's Changze's steadfastness.'
Lan Qiren wonders how he will ever be able to face Cangse Sanren and Wei Changze in the afterlife now that their son is like this. Would they blame him, he wonders, for letting their son stray so, so far?
Too late, he recognizes himself in the way Lan Wangji frets over Wei Wuxian's safety and health.
Too late, he warns Lan Wangji not to involve himself in such matters. "He is not yours," he says to Lan Wangji one day during a tense conversation. "If you lose him, he will not be yours to mourn."
Lan Wangji loses him, of course. He also very nearly loses himself to grief.
Lan Qiren feels twisted in time, suddenly fifteen years younger and hearing the news about his beloveds' deaths.
The same as his parents, Wei Wuxian will have no tablet in the Lan ancestral hall.
But.
The next time Lan Qiren visits Lan Wangji, he brings a blank mourning forehead ribbon for him.
He gives Lan Wangji time—time that he himself never had. He carries on, because that's all he can do. He aids Lan Xichen in sect matters and helps watch the little Wen boy Lan Wangji brought back from the Burial Mounds.
When Lan Wangji resumes his cultivator duties, he returns the mourning ribbon.
Lan Wangji never returns to who he was before Wei Wuxian's death, but he continues to grow. Lan Qiren quietly watches him mature over the years, always with grief in his heart, but always ready to do what is right, no matter how difficult.
Then one day, to Lan Qiren's utter shock, Wei Wuxian returns.
Lan Qiren is, tragically, among the last to know. When he finds out that his beloved nephew has been hiding this from him, he nearly has an aneurysm on the spot.
Somehow, Lan Qiren thinks Cangse Sanren is behind this. This is payback, surely, for how poorly Lan Qiren treated her son in his first life.
Things happen so rapidly after that. Jin Guangyao is revealed to be the late Sect Leader Nie's murderer. Wei Wuxian's name is cleared. A distraught Lan Xichen goes into seclusion. And Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have… eloped?
That aneurysm is sounding more and more enticing after all this.
Perhaps Lan Qiren should retire. He is clearly getting too old for all this. One nephew is in seclusion, the other one is now married (married! It makes Lan Qiren's head hurt thinking about it), and the juniors are growing with each passing day. Very soon, Lan Qiren won't be needed anymore.
He won't mind it very much, he thinks. All his life, he has been needed—as a father for his nephews, as a teacher, as a commander during the Sunshot Campaign, and as a sect leader-substitute for his brother and his nephew. It would be nice to have some time back for himself.
One day, as he's cleaning the ancestral hall, the doors unexpectedly swing open. In steps Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, still bundled from their night out on a hunt.
Upon seeing him, both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji bow. "Shufu," Lan Wangji greets.
"Lan-xiansheng," Wei Wuxian says.
Lan Qiren give both of them a look. "The offerings have already been placed, and I'm almost done cleaning. What are you here for?"
The two of them share a glance. "Well." Wei Wuxian shifts his weight back and forth between his feet. "We were just… my parents don't have tablets anywhere."
Lan Qiren knows this. He knows it better than anyone else. But why would this subject suddenly be brought up?
"So," Wei Wuxian reaches into a qiankun bag and pulls out two wooden tablets, carved in the style reserved only for the Lan ancestral hall, "Lan Zhan and I thought—"
The broom in Lan Qiren's hand falls to the floor with a clatter. He can't believe it. He just can't believe it. There, carved into the tablets, are the names 'Wei Changze' and 'Cangse Sanren'.
Wei Wuxian continues talking, but Lan Qiren doesn't hear him. All he can see are the names.
All he can see are the names. He stares at the names until his vision blurs, and he has to blink to clear it.
Something hot and wet trails down his face.
Both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are silent.
Slowly, Lan Qiren lifts a hand to wipe his cheek. Then he stares at his wet palm.
He can't remember the last time he'd cried. How humiliating.
"Pardon me," he mumbles as he takes out a handkerchief to dry his face. But it doesn't seem to work. No matter how much he dabs at his eyes, they never seem to dry.
Lan Wangji is at his side, guiding him silently to a nearby chair. Wei Wuxian hovers nearby, worry etched in his face.
Lan Qiren does not remember reaching for the tablets once he is seated, but they are in his arms, and he is tracing their characters, and his breaths are starting to hitch.
For over thirty years, Lan Qiren had not allowed himself to mourn. Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren were not his in ways that could be recognized and accepted; their tablets had no place in his family's halls, and no vow of devotion had tied his soul to theirs.
But now, here they are.
Here they are, in his family's ancestral hall—tied not by any vow of Lan Qiren's, but by the vow made between their son and his nephew.
Finally, Lan Qiren can mourn.
Lan Qiren cries until his head hurts, until his eyes swell, until his throat is so raw that swallowing hurts. He touches their names, over, and over, just to remind himself that they're real, and that they're here.
Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian stay by his side the entire time.
When Lan Qiren's sobs fade to hiccups and shuddering breaths, he lifts his head to find Wei Wuxian also with red-rimmed eyes.
As soon as Wei Wuxian notices him, Wei Wuxian sputters and gestures wildly at him. "I'm crying because you're crying!" he protests. "I've never seen you cry before!"
Neither has Lan Wangji, although Lan Wangji has the presence of mind to look only faintly alarmed at his uncle's tears. He silently offers Lan Qiren a new handkerchief.
Lan Qiren accepts it and wipes his face. He takes a deep, fortifying breath. His chest feels lighter than it has in decades.
He hands the tablets back to Wei Wuxian and watches as he carefully places them on the altar and bows to them. Lan Wangji steps forward, bows, and places fresh fruit offerings in a bowl in front of them.
When it is time to light incense for them, Wei Wuxian gives Lan Qiren a stick too.
After the incense have been lit and placed in front of the tablets, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian turn to leave the hall.
"Will shufu wear the mourning ribbon?" Lan Wangji asks.
Lan Qiren thinks about it. It's rather odd to wear it after thirty years of not being able to, but perhaps now is the time.
"I will," he answers.
Lan Wangji bows his head. "Very well, and shufu…"
Lan Qiren looks at him.
"I'm sorry for your loss," Lan Wangji says. "May you find peace."
Lan Qiren blinks. "Thank you, A-Zhan," he replies. "That is kind of you."
Lan Wangji bows once more before following Wei Wuxian out of the hall. Lan Qiren can hear Wei Wuxian's happy chatter fading away in the distance.
Later that day, Lan Qiren ties a blank mourning ribbon around his head and removes his guan. He looks strange as the only mourner in the Cloud Recesses, but it is a great relief that he can finally grieve properly.
Now, he can finally—finally—get to say his goodbyes.