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“Babe, have you seen my hoodie?”
Which one? Buck had like a hundred of those damn things, each one looking softer than the next.
“Ugh, which one?”
“The green one,” Buck shouted back.
Oh. That one.
The one that was emerald green and brought out the blue in his eyes oh so well. The one that Eddie had seen Buck in too many times to count. The one that made Buck look oh so soft, Eddie unable to keep from reaching out and rubbing the material between his fingers, brushing his fingers against Buck’s skin, his boyfriend all but melting under the touch. The one that Eddie had worn to work yesterday on his solo shift and had accidentally left in their locker.
“Nope. Haven’t seen it.”
Buck appeared in the hallway then, a pout coming over his face. Eddie couldn’t help but to smile at how adorable he looked, pouting over a ‘lost sweatshirt.’
“Baby, you have like…twenty more. Just pick another one.”
When Buck only pushed his bottom lip out further, Eddie moved toward him, wrapping his arms around Buck’s middle.
“Yea but-but I want that one.”
Eddie reached up to brush over Buck’s birthmark, his boyfriend leaning further into him.
“What’s so special about that one anyway?”
Buck shrugged, burying himself further into him. Eddie only wrapped him up tighter, Buck’s bare skin shivering with goosebumps.
“It’s just—” Buck sighed heavily in his hold. “Nothing, I’ll just grab another one.”
He pulled out of the hold then, Eddie watching him carefully as Buck sauntered back to their bedroom, returning moments later with another hoodie, the white one that he somehow managed to never get dirty; the man really amazed him sometimes.
As Buck passed him, he bent to press a kiss to Eddie’s cheek, Eddie grasping his arm for just a moment before Buck was pulling away again.
“I love you,” Eddie called out, turning just in time to see Buck pause at the door.
Buck twisted back to him, those blues stark against the white of his hoodie.
“Love you Eds.”
With a sad smile, Buck turned and left, leaving Eddie perplexed. It was just a sweatshirt. Sure, it was Buck’s favorite, but what made it so damn special?
Shaking his head, Eddie went to clean up around the house, only making it through a few chores before pulling on a pair of jeans and a hoodie of his own. Buck was at Chim and Maddie’s new place, helping out with Jee while they were both on shift. They didn’t want to change her routine any more than they already had, so Buck had easily agreed to go over there instead. There would be plenty more time for playdates at their house.
Eddie climbed into his truck with ease and headed for the station, parking in his usual spot once he’d arrived. Chim spotted him first, eyeing him curiously. “Thought you and the kid had today off?”
Eddie waved him off. “Yea, I just forgot something in our locker.”
The our slipped out, Chimney giving a snicker with a shake of his head. Whatever. They were in love, ok? There wasn’t any need to take up two lockers when they could easily share one.
Wandering over to their locker, Eddie popped in the code (the day they got together) pulling the door open. There sat Buck’s favorite hoodie, the worn piece of fabric familiar as Eddie grasped onto it. As he pulled it out, Eddie held it out in front of him to look at. It was definitely well loved, that was for sure.
There was some mystery stain near the pocket, one that darkened the material, the cuffs were stretched out as well as the opening, the two having shared it one too many times to keep it intact. Loose strings jutted out here and there, the sherpa material inside no longer soft, all bundling together. The worst part had to be the strings, the aglets missing from each side, both frayed at the ends. Eddie had batted them out of Buck’s mouth too many times to count, the nervous and absent habit ruining most his other hoodies in the same way.
Now that Eddie was really getting a good look at it, the hoodie was kind of—gross. It had definitely seen better days. Sighing, Eddie tucked it under his arm before heading back out, waving to his other teammates as he went.
Once back in the truck, Eddie took off, not realizing where he was headed until he pulled up in front of the mall. Guess Buck was just going to have to find a new hoodie to love.
~
When Buck got home later that evening, he seemed much more himself. A day as uncle Buck always took the sadness away. It helped that Christopher was right there to greet them, their wholesome smiles always warming Eddie.
Buck wandered over to Eddie next, pulling him in for a hug, one that seemed like he was apologizing for earlier, even though it was completely unnecessary. “M’missed you,” Buck said from his spot where he was tucked into Eddie’s neck.
“Missed you too baby. Hey, I have something for you.”
Buck pulled away from him, his face lighting up the entire kitchen. Gift giving was Buck’s love language, though every once in a while, Eddie saw something he just knew Buck wouldn’t be able to live without.
He tugged Buck down the hallway and into the bedroom, placing his hands around Buck and over his eyes before opening the door. “I saw how sad you were this morning about your hoodie, so I wanted to find something that would cheer you up.”
Buck didn’t say anything, simply hummed with interest. Eddie finally reached to turn the knob, pushing Buck toward the bed before letting go.
Eddie waited for Buck to become overly excited like he normally did with any mundane gift, though his boyfriend stood there a little perplexed, almost as if he didn’t even want to pick the item up.
“I thought you’d like this one. I didn’t think you had this color yet.”
Buck pulled in his lower lip, nodding his head.
“Yea, I-I don’t.”
Moving toward the bed, Eddie picked up the new hoodie he’d gotten Buck, holding it out for him to see. It was dark maroon in color, the material soft and smooth, the hoodie strings black, aglets perfectly intact—for now.
Buck took the sweatshirt between his fingers, rubbing back and forth before reaching a finger inside to rub over the fluffy material.
“It’s um, it’s soft.”
Eddie nodded, coming to stand next to him.
“Yea. I thought this color would look good on you.”
Buck looked the hoodie over again, turning to Eddie with furrowed brows.
“It’s more your color though.”
Eddie huffed out a laugh. Buck had told him in very certain terms that maroon was his color. Something about the way it matched his skin tone and brought out the softness and greens of his eyes. If Eddie wore more of the color because of it, well, no one needed to know why.
“Good thing we’ll be sharing it then, huh?”
Buck gave a weak smile. “Uh, yea. Yea we will.”
Chris beckoned to them then, asking what was for dinner, the two of them getting lost on cooking and gathering around the table afterwards.
By the time Eddie made it back into their room, the hoodie was nowhere to be seen, Buck bare of anything. Well, Eddie wasn’t going to complain about that.
The next morning, when Eddie was getting ready, he spied the hoodie in their shared closet. It was more towards his side, pushed toward the back. Weird.
He didn’t say anything about it, not wanting to push the issue, though it never left the closet, Buck not seeming to have given it a second glance or thought after hanging it up.
Eddie didn’t get it. Buck loved new hoodies, especially when given by Eddie. So, how had he messed this up so badly?
~
It was a few weeks later when they were attending the holiday fair at Chris’ school that Eddie brought the offensive hoodie out of the closet, holding it up for Buck.
“How about this one babe? It would look perfect with that outfit.”
Eddie didn’t miss the wrinkle of Buck’s nose as he looked past his bare chest down to the rest of his outfit.
“Uh yea, yea I guess.”
Buck hadn’t said anything else about his beloved missing hoodie, but Eddie could tell it was still bothering him. Truth be told, Eddie had lost it himself, not having seen it since the day he’d gotten it from their locker. He felt terrible, but he didn’t know how to fix it, nor why Buck was so upset about losing it. And for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why Buck was so strongly rejecting the new one.
Eddie didn’t say any of this though, simply handed it out to his boyfriend, Buck limply taking it in his hands, almost as if the material was personally offending him.
He watched as Buck finally pulled it down over him, covering all those toned muscles and tattoos Eddie loved so much. Buck looked himself over in the mirror, tucking the hoodie into his black jeans so his belt buckle showed, his signature white sneakers covering his feet. Eddie couldn’t quite explain it, but the tucked in look was certainly doing things for him.
Coming up behind him, Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s middle, their gaze meeting in the mirror. “Looks good on you baby, just like I knew it would.”
Those blues looked right into him. “Yea? It um, I guess it looks ok.”
It looked more than ok, but Eddie didn’t want to push it.
With Chris in tow, they all headed out to the truck and piled in, making their way to Chris’ school. The place was decked out for the holidays, twinkly lights strung all around, trees with fake snow lining the walkways, the scent of pine in the air.
They held hands as they walked alongside Chris, their son pointing out all the things he and his classmates had made, the three of them stopping to play all the different games along the way.
There was a cake eating contest, along with several other food stands, Buck never missing an opportunity to stuff his face. It never ceased to amaze Eddie how much the man could shove into his mouth at once; sometimes, it had its perks.
Buck was about halfway through his tall glass of eggnog when Chris made some lame joke about reindeer—something about Rudolph and Dasher loving coffee because they were the star bucks—Buck snorting so hard he spilled eggnog all down the front of the brand-new hoodie. If Eddie didn’t already know how much Buck loved their kids jokes, he’d almost have thought Buck did it on purpose.
“Oh shi—” Buck caught himself at the last moment, Eddie giving one of his fatherly glares, Chris laughing even harder.
“Babe, can I have the keys? I’m gonna grab one of the spare shirts.”
Eddie shook his head with a fond smile before using some of the napkins in front of them to help Buck brush off the lot of the eggnog, handing out the keys to him after. With the two of them being firefighters, they were always prepared, spare clothes for all of them always ready to go.
With Buck gone, he and Chris worked on the rest of their slice of pie, fighting each other for the whipped cream, Eddie pretending to not notice the bit on his nose just to get his kid giggling again.
Eddie heard rather than saw Buck coming to rejoin them, his six foot one long legged boyfriend running full speed toward them, wearing nothing but a thin shirt, something held out in front of him.
“Eddie! Eds! Look what I found!”
As Buck got closer, Eddie finally made out the familiar material, the old, worn, and raggedy sweatshirt clutched tightly in Buck’s hold. The smile on his face was bigger than Eddie had seen in weeks, something about it both warming and saddening him at the same time.
It dawned on Eddie then that he must’ve tossed it in the backseat when he’d went to get the new one, the old thing getting buried under who knows what.
As Buck slipped it over his broad shoulders, Eddie could only imagine how it smelled, watching as crumbs of some sort fell off it. Even though the new hoodie was stained, it had to be better than this one.
“Are you sure you wanna wear that? It’s kind of—” Eddie waved his hand toward the offending article, wrinkling his nose a bit. Buck didn’t seem to notice in the slightest, smiling bright as ever as he pulled the tattered sleeves over his hands to keep them warm. It wasn’t long before Eddie saw the hoodie stings being twirled in Buck’s hand, one of the frayed ends making its way up to Buck’s lips.
Chris asked to go hang out with some of his friends nearby, Eddie sending him off with a ruffle to his curls, looking over to Buck.
“Buck, you can’t seriously love that thing?”
Buck frowned over to him, looking all too adorable with the string hanging from his mouth.
“Why not? It’s my favorite sweatshirt Eds.”
“Ok, but why? You never told me that day you lost it.”
Buck looked away from him then, Eddie knowing it as his ‘do we have to talk about this,’ stare.
Reaching a hand across the table, Eddie placed it under Buck’s chin, willing the man to look at him.
“I just wanna know is all. It’s old, torn, and has stains from who knows what on it.”
“I know, that’s why I love it.”
Ok, Eddie was really confused now. Who loved something that was old and stained up?
Eddie raised a brow, trying to understand Buck.
“Never-never mind. It’s silly anyway.”
Eddie stood from his side and made his way over to Buck, taking the empty spot next to him. He grasped for one of Buck’s hands, pulling it free from the hoodie so he could tangle them together.
“Tell me anyway?”
Buck ducked his head away for a moment before finally looking to Eddie.
“Do you—do you remember giving it to me?”
Eddie thought back about, no specific memory coming to mind.
“Honestly, not really, but I’ve gotten you several hoodies over the years.” Like Eddie said—they were Buck’s favorite.
“Yea, but this was the first one you gave me. You um, you bought it for yourself.”
Had he?
Thinking back on it, a hidden memory came to him, Eddie playing it over in his head.
It was back before they were dating, the two of them always inseparable. They’d planned a hike for the day, neither of them knowing it was going to be so cold until they were already on the road. Eddie had stopped at a convenient store, shuffling through the sweatshirts there. He’d offered to buy Buck one as well, but the man—stubborn as always—had refused, saying he’d be fine. Twenty minutes into their hike had proved otherwise. Eddie had easily slipped it off and chucked it at Buck, the other man refusing until Eddie had insisted; it looked better on him anyway. After getting back from the hike, Eddie had dropped Buck off, insisting he keep it. Buck hadn’t taken it off much ever since.
Eddie smiled warmly for the memory.
“Yea, yea I remember that day. I never knew that’s why you loved it so much.”
Buck absently played with Eddie’s fingers where they were laced together, giving his poor hoodie strings a break for the time being.
“That’s not the only reason I love it though.”
Eddie nodded, giving Buck his undivided attention.
“Ok, tell me the other reasons then.”
Buck ducked his head with that bashful smile of his before shining those blues back up to him.
“Well, I wore it on our first date, and you told me how it really brought out my eyes, how uh, how adorable I looked in it.”
Yes, those had all been things Eddie had said, and still thought to this day, thank you very much. He remembered telling Buck to dress casual, just wanting to be themselves. He’d expected the man to wear a simple button-down instead of a dress shirt, though he’d shown up in a hoodie instead. It was truly the most ‘Buck thing’ he could have done, Eddie loving him even more for it.
Eddie squeezed their fingers together, bringing his other hand to rest over them.
“Why else is it your favorite?”
Not only did Eddie want to know all the reasons, but he loved watching Buck’s face light up with each one.
“Ok, so the weird stain near the pocket? That’s from the first time I took Chris to the zoo by myself and we were laughing so hard I spilled some ice-cream down it. I forgot to clean it up, and then well—I didn’t really want to wash it.”
Eddie raised a brow at that.
“Please tell me you’ve washed it since?”
Buck rolled his eyes with a bit of a dramatic huff.
“Obviously, I just—I don’t like washing it too much.”
“Afraid it’ll look more worn than it already does?”
Buck stuck his tongue out, Eddie refraining from taking it with his own.
“No, I just—I don’t wanna wash any of the memories away. I know it’s stupid, but that first time you gave it to me, it smelled like you, and then when you held me after our first date, it smelled like you again. And I gave it to Chris after that day at the zoo, and it smelled like both of you, me too. It smelled like-like home. Whenever I wear it, it reminds me I’m not alone, and that I always have you guys to come home to. I know it’s just a silly hoodie, but it’s my favorite Eds. I never wanna lose it.”
Oh.
Well, Eddie certainly understood now.
He pulled Buck to him in an instant, wrapping him up tightly, the two looking like utter saps in the middle of the kid’s holiday fest.
“Baby I, I wish you would’ve told me all of this, or that I would’ve realized. I’m sorry. If I would’ve known sooner, I would’ve found a way to get it back to you. I wore it to work that day before and forgot it in our my locker. When I went to go get it, I saw just how worn it was, that I thought you would love a new one. I had no idea how much this one meant to you.”
Buck pushed impossibly closer into his space, the two lost in their own bubble, the cool winter air no feat for their love.
“I’m sorry I shunned the new one babe. I just—I love everything you give me, especially hoodies, but I—”
“But it wasn’t the same as your favorite one with all the memories, and you felt like I was trying to replace it,” Eddie finished for him, Buck nodding into him.
“Yea. I um, I guess I got a little attached.”
It was understandable, especially given Buck’s history. The guy had lost so much in his life, it was no mystery why he clung so fiercely to a hoodie, especially one that held so many memories with two of the people he loved most.
“How about this,” Eddie said, pulling away just enough so their eyes could meet.
“Maybe we should make this a home-only hoodie, that way we don’t ever have to worry about losing it.”
Buck seemed to think it over before answering, his brows furrowing together like they did whenever he was thinking too hard. Eddie reached to smooth them out.
“What if—what if I want to wear it when we’re not on the same shift?”
And how was Eddie not supposed to get emotional over that?
He thought it over, wanting to make sure to validate Buck’s feelings while still keeping the sacred sweatshirt safe.
“How about this—I’ll wear whatever other sweatshirt you want me to before our shift apart, that way it’ll feel somewhat like your favorite.”
Those blues teared up, Buck biting at his lower lip.
“You-you’d do that for me?”
“I’d do anything for you love.”
They shared a tearful kiss, one Chris interrupted with his teenage sigh, begging them to ‘not be gross’ for five seconds. Of course, that only stirred them on.
When they got home, they waited for Chris to get ready for bed, saying their goodnights after. He was getting a little too old for story time, but he always asked for hugs, the three squishing together into one.
As they curled up on the couch, Eddie buried his face in the crook of Buck’s neck, wrinkling his nose.
“Buck.”
“Mm?” Was all he got in response, his boyfriend already fading off.
“This favorite hoodie of yours needs a serious washing.”
It smelled like a mixture of them and something stale, the scent not completely horrid, though not his favorite by any means.
Buck pouted for it, shifting further into Eddie’s space, the way he always did when he was trying to keep Eddie from moving.
Eddie huffed out a tired sigh. “Fine, but first thing in the morning. In the wash it goes.”
Buck grumbled, though shook his head in agreement, nuzzling into Eddie.
When the morning came, Eddie all but had to wrestle it off Buck, wrapping himself around his giant of a boyfriend, in place of it. He managed to get the new maroon one in there too, Buck insisting he did actually like it, it just wouldn’t ever be his favorite. Eddie could live with that.
“It’ll be good as new in an hour love. I promise I won’t make you wash it for at least another week.”
Buck smiled triumphantly, moving to the closet to pull out Eddie’s LAFD hoodie, the one that had his last name scrawled across the back.
“This one’s my other favorite.”
Eddie rolled his eyes fondly, looking to Buck through the mirror, blue meeting brown. He traced his fingers over his own last name, Buck shivering for the touch.
“It does look pretty damn good on you.”
Of course, they ended up spending a little more time in bed that morning, Buck quickly replacing Eddie’s hoodie with his favorite once it was clean and dried. As for their new agreement, the favorite hoodie never left the house—on either of them—Buck taking to bringing Eddie a less favored one to wear whenever they had opposite shifts.
The first one he brought Eddie was the maroon one, his blues borderline pleading. Eddie took it from him easily, dragging it down over himself, wearing it for the next several hours. When Buck returned from shift, his sunny smile was in place.
“After every call, I got to slip back into it. It felt like a hug from my favorite person each time.”
Damn Buck for making him so emotional over a stupid hoodie.
Eddie moved toward him, tugging Buck in close, wrapping his arms around him tightly.
“And what about this? How does this feel?”
Buck molded himself to Eddie, arms grasping him just as tightly.
“Well, the real things always better.”
Eddie slipped a hand beneath the cotton of Buck’s hoodie so they were skin to skin, pressing his lips to Buck’s birthmark. Buck whispered into him, words warming Eddie wholly.
“You’re my favorite hoodie, always.”