Archive of Our Own

It wasn't often that Izuku didn't finish a test within the allotted time. Even now it wasn't that he didn't know the answers to each question, it wasn't that type of test. The reason he wasn't finished was because he didn't like what the answers meant. He wanted to ignore what the empty circles were screaming at him.

He glances up at Aizawa who, for once, isn't passed out on the floor. Instead he's sitting at his desk while glaring at the wood in front of him. Izuku frowns and looks back at the paper. Ten questions. That's all it was.

So why was his hand shaking as he tapped his desk with his pencil?

—

Did a parent in your household ever swear at you, insult you, put you down or humiliate you? Did they make you afraid that you'd be physically hurt?

—

"Tsk. Izuku, you can't keep getting me called out of work like this!" Inko meets his eyes from the front of the car through the rear view mirror, "We've told you time and time again that Katsuki is just playing with you! Sure he's a little rough, but he's not bullying you."

Izuku bites his lip when he nods quickly, "I know, Mama. I'm sorry for getting you called."

He didn't even want the school to call them. He told the nurse he was fine, that Kacchan was just having his fun. He could deal with his burns until the end of the day, but the nurse was firm in her decision to send him home. "Your disability makes you more sustainable to injuries. You'll do better at home then here, besides your parents should deal with your punishments for provoking Bakugou anyways." It was the third time this year that she'd done that since he started first grade.

"Good. This can't happen again or we'll be moving your schooling to be at home from now on. Katsuki is just looking out for you. Your disability has left you with some issues, you know this."

Disability. It's been called this for years and each time Izuku hears it he curls away from it. 

"You're lucky it wasn't your father who was called. He's a busy man that can't deal with these little injuries that you've been convincing the nurse to send you home for."

Izuku says nothing for a moment, simply watching as they pull into his driveway. The car jolts when the brake is pressed on suddenly, "Izuku baby, do you think you can last a few hours without fucking something else up?"

"Yes, Mama." Izuku grabs his backpack carefully before getting out of the car. 

"Let's just hope you aren't stupid enough to make anything worse for yourself before I get home."

And with that she drove off. It was hours before the front door opened again. He was expected to hear the sigh of his mother before she yelled for him. All the sound he heard was angry slamming and he felt dread settle in his stomach. He slowly left his room and stood in the kitchen doorway. His father was digging around in the cupboards before snatching a bottle and slamming that next to a cup on the counter. "So what? I got a pussy for a son now? Get in here." He snarls, not bothering to turn around as he pours himself a drink.

Izuku scrambles forward and grabs the back of one of the chairs at the table. He stares at his father from behind it. He finally turns around, his golden eyes narrowing, "I got an email today from your school."

Izuku opens his mouth to apologize but his father keeps talking. "I heard Inko had to leave work to come bring you home. Wasting her money both by making her leave you when you decided you be a little bitchass and by being fucking quirkless. Can you be any more pathetic? At least Mitsuki has a son to be proud of."

Izuku feels his eyes grow wet. He can't cry in front of his father. Hisashi steps forward quickly, his arm raising, "Well!?"

Izuku stumbles back with a gasp. Hisashi just twist his face into a snarl, "Fucking pathetic. Get out of my face. I don't want to see you tonight."

—

Izuku slowly fills in the circle that says, yes he did have that happen. He knows his father wasn't ever nice to him. His mom was busy, he just stressed her out too much.

Izuku doesn't look at Sero's paper to see they're almost halfway finished.

—

Did a parent in your household ever push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? Did they ever hit you hard enough that it left marks?

—

"No! I'm sorry!" Izuku sobs through his teeth when big, calloused hands grab his hair.

"Stupid, useless, boy! I told you to stay out of my office." Hisashi hisses and tosses Izuku out of the room.

Izuku hits the wall and sits up quickly to face his father. "M-mama told me to put the n-notebook on your desk. That's all I was doing."

"Bullshit!" His fist slams into the wall and Izuku flinches back roughly, "You were digging through my stuff like the creepy stalker you are. I told Inko we should have stopped your creepy ass analysis when you started."

The notebook that Izuku had been putting on the desk was still clutched in his father's hand. Hisashi seemed to realize that before lifting it up and fire slipped through his lips. Izuku cries out at the sight of his work being burned and rushes forward. The same fist that had just slammed into the wall, knocks him across the face and sends him back to the floor. Izuku looks at his father with a look of complete betrayal as ash piles onto the floor.

No, this wasn't the first time Hisashi had hit him. Not by a long shot. But it was the first time he'd burned his notebooks. Hisashi scoffs with a look of pure annoyance, "Stop with that look. You know what happens when you go into my office."

"Mom told me to!" Izuku whispers sharply back, "I didn't do anything wrong."

Hisashi lashes out and Izuku's hair is tugged sharply. He's dragged to his feet and down the hall. "You want to snark back to me? Fine. Maybe some time in your closet will do you good."

Izuku pants as he tries to drag his feet, trying to stop the advance to his room where his father will lock him in the too small closet. He's slammed into the wall just outside his room and pinned against the wall. Hisashi leans down and lowers his mouth by Izuku's ear. Izuku tries to pull away from the scents of alcohol flooding from his father's mouth. "You are a nuisance. Nothing more, nothing less. We only let you keep your little notebooks so you'd leave us fucking alone. They are ours. Not yours. Do your best to remember that. Stay the fuck out of my office and don't use Inko as a stupid ass excuse. Am I clear?"

Izuku's lip is shaking as tears fall down his cheeks. He nods stiffly against the wall. Hisashi stares at him a moment longer before pulling him back and slamming him back into the wall. Izuku sobs when his head is pushed back against it roughly, "Answer me."

"Yes! I understand."

There was nothing else said when Izuku was pulled back away from the wall and dragged into his room. Hisashi shoved him into the closet and closed it tightly.

—

Izuku just stared at his paper as he tried to stop his heart from banging in his chest. He fills in the second yes circle.

—

Has an adult, 5 years or older than you, ever touched of fondled your body in a sexual way? Has anyone attempted or actually had oral, anal, or vaginally intercourse with you?

—

Hisashi brought home friends over for the first time when Izuku was six. The first time he'd actually talked to them was two years later just after he turned eight. It was a man with an ugly grin and an equally ugly aura. Izuku was crouched on the stairs, eavesdropping on his father when the man sat down next to him. Izuku startled away from the man but he paid no attention to the young boy and just stared through the railing, "Wow, you really can hear a lot from here."

Izuku stares at the man with wide eyes. He finally turns to Izuku and flashes his ugly grin, "I'm Jo. What's your name, little one?"

"Izuku." He whispers.

Jo scoots closer to Izuku and wraps an arm over his shoulder, "A great name. Must've been your father who picked it out eh?"

Izuku just shrugs and tries to move away slightly. Jo doesn't let that happen, "Ah don't be like that! I'm just trying to get to know you more, Izuku-chan. How about we go upstairs for a bit eh? Your father sent me up to keep you busy for a while anyway."

The man doesn't leave any room for argument before guiding Izuku to his feet and bringing him up the stairs. He easily finds Izuku's room before bringing them both in and shutting the door behind him. Izuku sits on his bed when Jo pushes on his shoulders gently. Jo turns in a circle and whistles, "I like the minimalism vibe. Very… grown up like. You must be very mature, Izuku-chan."

"I guess so." Izuku mutters, blushing at the hidden compliment.

Jo's eyes light up and he comes to sit beside Izuku. A heavy palm rests on his thigh before rubbing up and down soothingly. "I haven't seen you around much. Do you not like people much?"

"Not really."

The hand moves to the inside of his leg and stops moving. Izuku tenses up and looks at the man beside him. Something Izuku sees in the man's eyes scares him. "I need to go with some friends-"

"It's okay, Izuku-chan." Jo pushes him back to lay on the bed with a sickly sweet smile, "We can have some fun first."

The hand that had been resting on his legs moves to feel in between his legs. Izuku tries to kick the man back, only to get pinned to the bed. "Oh don't be like that. That's no fun and that's what we're here to do."

Lips meet Izuku's and he sobs. This only allows a tongue to slide in.

Already Izuku feels so violated and disgusted. He doesn't know what is happening but he knows it's not good. 

Jo doesn't move away as he undoes his belt and slides his jeans down. Something heavy thumps onto Izuku and rubs in circles as Jo moves his body. Jo pulls his mouth away slightly and rests his face against Izuku's as he pants heavily. A hand moves back down to Izuku's pants and reaches down. Izuku gasps when the hand touches his skin. Jo makes a deep sound, "Oh… oh this is nice. You're good for me, Izuku-chan. Very good."

Izuku just wants out, out, out.

Even once Jo finally leaves, claiming Hisashi will be wondering where he went, Izuku lays there silently sobbing until he stops hearing the voices from downstairs.

—

A tear dripped onto his paper. Izuku didn't bother wiping at his face as he fills in the next circle that said yes. 

That was the first time Jo had done that. It definitely wasn't the last. He still came over every month.

—

Did you often feel like no one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? Did your family not look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

—

"You didn't fucking tell me!" Hisashi yells, "That would've been a nice thing to know, bitch."

Inko scoffs from the kitchen sink, "You're the one who broke the law. It's not my job to tell you if the cops are after you or not."

"You're my wife, it is your job." Izuku watches from his hiding space as Hisashi storms towards Inko, "Learn your place here."

Inko turns and looks at him with disgust, "Get a job and start acting like the man of the house and then I might act like your perfect housewife. All you do is waste our money- my money -away. Absolute bullshit, you coming here to tell me I need to relay information to you."

"What are you implying here Inko? That I don't provide for us? I'm too busy dealing with your useless brat and my brokers to do much. You actually have time to work."

"If he's my brat, he's yours too." Inko growls, "I'm not taking all the claims."

Izuku blinks slowly but stays in his spot where he's hidden in the shadows. He's heard all this before, the same words shouted over and over at each other. Except for the police thing. That was new. Izuku slings back when glass shatters as Hisashi is shoved out of the way by Inko. She storms towards the front door, "Until you can get your shit together, I won't be paying off rent. Or for the brat. Figure out how to be a man, Hisashi and do it yourself. Maybe don't get arrested either. It'll look bad for me."

The door slams shut behind her and Hisashi curses for a few moments before storming after her. Izuku slides out from the shadows and stares at the shattered glass on the floor.

—

Izuku always knew his father hated him. His mother later on. That wasn't new, neither was the lack of support between them. Izuku checks off his fourth yes.

—

Did you often not have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, or had no one to protect you? Or were your parents too high or drunk to take care of you or to take you to the doctor if you needed it?

—

It was normal to wake up with the house suddenly empty, the doors locked, and the cars both gone. They always locked the door behind them, knowing Izuku couldn't reach the top lock to let himself out. Izuku was fine with that. He knows how to take care of himself for the day or two they're gone. 

He spends the two days watching hero videos. His notebooks scattered across the floor while he watched the screen with buzzing excitement. He likes being home alone. He likes that there isn't screaming all the time.

But then the third day passes and neither of his parents come back. The food that Izuku can reach is growing smaller day by day, not much left after these last two days of being alone.

Then the fourth. Izuku waits quietly on the couch, listening for the cars to come down the street. Nothing.

The fifth. The sixth. The seventh day. Izuku is curled up in his bed with his head under his pillow. His head is pounding behind his eyes. He just feels horrible. He thinks he worked himself up too much. That's what his parents say when he feels like this. That it was his fault for feeling bad. He knows it's true this time. His head hurts, his throat is dry and itching, his stomach is aching and making sounds at him. His fault.

The morning of the eighth day he wakes up to the front door slamming shut and cheers echoing through the halls. He slowly forces himself out of bed and walks to find where the voices of his parents are coming from. Izuku spots the bottles of hos father's favorite drink lined on the counter before seeing his mother layed out on the counter with his father on top of her. Izuku looks away and makes a small noise. Hisashi growls, "Can't you see we're busy here, boy?"

"I'm hungry." He whispers.

Inko makes a low noise, "Then go find shit to eat in the cupboards."

Izuku forces himself not to cover his ears and simply walk away, "I can't reach anything else."

Hisashi curses loudly before walking roughly to a top cabinet and throwing a can of fruit at Izuku. He flinches when it hits his chest and clangs to the floor. He reaches down to grab it. "Leave us the fuck alone."

Izuku nods, simply happy he scored some kind of food, before retreating back to his room. 

—

People always wondered why he was skinny and small for his age. He's not sure he ever told anyone why. He didn't want to tell people that his parents would leave him for a week or two to go out and gamble their life savings away. That they'd always come back too drunk. Another yes circle filled in.

—

Was your mother ever pushed, grabbed, slapped, kicked, bitten, hit with a fist or something hard or had something thrown at her often? Was she ever threatened with a gun or knife?

—

People talk about their own abuse during childhood with their mothers as the heroes. Mothers who stepped in between the child and fist. Izuku's mother wasn't like that. Sometimes she acted like she cared. Other times not. 

There were times that Hisashi would come home drunk out of his mind and decide to teach Izuku a lesson. It was more rare that he would take it out on Inko, but it did happen. Izuku never knew what they were fighting about, all he knew was that Hisashi was even more ruthless with Inko than him.

"I told you to leave her, Hisashi!" Inko growls and shoves the man away from her, "I took care of her because you wouldn't."

Hisashi grabs Inko's arm roughly and tugs her back towards him, "So what, you send a hitman after her? She was a child, Inko. Twenty something."

Inko doesn't seem bothered by this fact, "Then stop whoring around with children. Simple."

Izuku gasps when Hisashi slaps Inko harshly across the face. "You shut up. I'm the man of this house, I make my own choices. Not you. So shut the fuck up before it gets you killed."

"Is that a threat?" Inko says quietly, her face still turned away.

"You bet it is."

Izuku tenses completely when a knife flies to Inko's gad and she holds it to Hisashi's chest firmly. Fire slips out of his lip and she pulls back with a cry as her arm burns. Hisashi grabs the knife and shoves Inko backwards into the wall. Izuku watches as Hisashi pins his mother to the wall with the blade against her throat. "Learn your place, Inko. There are very few reasons I'm still here with you. Take care of the brat, work, and take care of the house. Three simple jobs. You're telling me that it's hard?"

Inko glares at her husband, "Then fucking leave. What's stopping you? Are you scared I'll call the cops on you?"

Izuku whimpers when her voice turns teasing. Hisashi pulls her forward and slams her back into the wall. He narrows his eyes, the room filling with smoke. "You do that… and this little brat here will end up an orphan. Even if I'm arrested, I'll get out. You can't come back to life from ashes."

"Watch me. I'll come back just to spite you, dick."

Hisashi slaps her harshly again, both of her cheeks now a bright red. Her eyes are still shining in a challenge. "Do it again."

Hisashi looks at her in disgust and shoves her aside. He stumbles over to the front door, "Don't wait up. I need a fucking drink."

—

Izuku stares blankly at his paper for a few moments before filling in the yes circle.

—

Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or who used street drugs?

—

There was always alcohol in his house. Even if Izuku was left alone and he ran out of food, there was always bourbon and tequila sitting on the counters in nice fancy jars. Beer and other drinks always filled the fridge as well. Everyday when Hisashi got home from work, the first words he would say to Izuku was, "Go get my beer."

He knew it was bad to drink this stuff. When his father drank it, he got mean. Izuku hated beer. There was a time when he was just starting middle school that Hisashi had disappeared for a month. Izuku didn't think that Inko knew where he'd gone. She was working more to cover the little money Hisashi had been bringing in before he disappeared. Izuku didn't feel like being alone everyday after school for so long so he would go for walks through the parks near his house. 

It was getting late one night, the sun already starting to set, so he started walking back home. When he opened the door he saw glass and liquid laying on the floor right in front of the door. Izuku kicks the glass aside to step through. He huffs and sets his bag in the stairs before setting out to find a broom and rag to clean up the mess his mother had left him. He pauses when he walks through the living room when he sees the empty bottles of beer sitting on the center table. He slowly turns his head towards the kitchen listening for his father's low curses. He hears them and grabs the empty bottles before cautiously making his way to the kitchen. He kicks the door to the closet open and dumps the bottles into the bag for recycling. He grabs the broom and a rag off the shelf. He turns to leave, choosing to ignore his father's presence entirely. "And where the hell have you been? I know you ain't just got out of school."

Izuku grumbles out a response, "You're the one who disappeared for a month."

Izuku wasn't a fool. He saw how full his bourbon glass was, and how empty the bottle was. His father was drunk, more drunk than he's been in months. "Do you want to say that louder boy?"

"I said I was out for a walk." Izuku says louder.

"Bullshit. That ain't what you said and that definitely ain't where you were. Were you off stalking heroes again? I should call the damn police on you."

Izuku turns towards the drunk man, "Go for it. They'll arrest you before they arrest me."

Hisashi scowls but says nothing more to Izuku. He pushes past him with two more beers in hand. Izuku sighs heavily before going to clean up the mess by the door.

—

Izuku had always thought that a parent drinking to that extent was normal. At least until he moved out. He fills in the yes circle.

—

Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

—

There was a time, recently, that Hisashi and Inko had gotten into an argument. All of Hisashi's friends were around, and so was Izuku. He'd just gotten home from school and was coming through the front door when he saw his mother and father facing off in the living room. 

He expected shouting, glass on the floor, blood, anything that had happened in the past. He saw a gun. But he saw his father's hands empty and him holding them up in surrender as Inko held the black weapon in her hands. She was talking evenly with the barrel shoved to her temple, "I swear to god I'll do it, Hisashi. I can't fucking deal with you doing that anymore."

"Inko love, I get it. I really do but this is bullshit. Put the gun down. Even better, give it to Jo to hold onto." Hisashi reaches forward.

Izuku is frozen on the welcome rug, still going unnoticed by the other people in the room. His eyes shoot to Jo when the man steps towards Inko. She screeches, "Stay the fuck away from me! Hisashi you need to stop! It's mine, mine!"

Izuku blinks in surprise as she swings the gun around in the air. All the men in the room shy away from the swinging weapon and the crazy woman standing in front of them. Hisashi is the only one who stays put, "Alright darling, I'll leave it be, okay? No need to keep this going."

"You're looking down at me. I'm not your stupid housewife Hisashi!" Inko shouts, "I'm not like your little whores!"

"I know you aren't. Just put the gun down, Inko."

Izuku starts moving slowly to the stairs, just trying to get away from the gun that is being thrown about. The loud bang of it going on makes him whip around suddenly. He's expecting to see his mother dead on the floor. Blood. 

There's a hole in the wall from Hisashi knocking the gun aside when she fired it. Inko was screaming wordlessly at Hisashi and lashing out at him. Izuku takes a shaky breath before turning back around and going up to his room. He locks it tightly behind him, he doesn't know if Jo saw him.

—

That part is ingrained in his mind. The tears of anger on his mother's face. The little fear his father was actually showing. He just needed Inko's money. The way Izuku just turned and left. He felt like a disgrace. He fills in the ninth yes.

—

Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

—

It was at the end that this happened. Izuku knew it was coming. He'd heard people at school talking about their own parents getting divorced and what that was like for them. He saw the signs, he'd been seeing them since the start. But it only made an impact towards the end. 

They'd been fighting more recently, becoming more and more physical with each other. Inko was out more and more when Hisashi was home which led to some nasty suspicions of cheating. Everything that had been happening for the past fourteen years just escalated to a really bad point. 

Izuku always walked home alone. That wasn't something that had changed recently. He'd learned how the train system back when he started school and had taken a liking to the peace the train ride supplied. The train today was especially quiet so Izuku felt calmer by the time he'd walked back home. That calmness wasn't bound to stick around long when he saw his father on the porch banging on the door. Izuku glances around at the nosy neighbors staring at the situation with disapproving looks. Whispers behind their back about 'the crazy family with the useless kid.' Izuku couldn't deal with that today. 

He rushes up to his father, "You are casting a scene. What is going on?" He hisses quietly.

Hisashi turns on Izuku with smoke furling from his lips and anger burning in his eyes. "You told her to do it didn't you? That whore got you wrapped around her finger does she?"

Izuku steps back, "Get inside before the police are called."

Hisashi slams a foot into the door, "What do you think I'm trying to do? She locked me out, said we were done. I know you've been whispering in her ear about me. What have I told you about staying out of our business?"

"I never told her anything. Give her time to calm down, come back later." Izuku says while looking around the neighborhood.

He's too busy watching the people slowly making their way over to avoid the fist that catches the back of his head and sends him sprawling out on the porch wood.

—

His parents divorce wasn't a good situation for anyone. He checks the yes circle without hesitation.

—

Did a household member ever go to prison?

—

Izuku had managed to get himself locked in the closet again. He'd talked back to his mother during an argument and ended up trying to defend himself from the attack she made. There's no way to track time in here, light doesn't even come through the crack of the door. 

He sits there and waits. Eventually he falls asleep in the uncomfortable sitting position he's forced into. His dreams are nice but laced with his home life. Everything is muddled by his parents' mistreatment towards him. His teacher's mistreatment. 

He startles away when he hears something slam into a wall. He wipes the sleep from his eyes before shifting to listen to the new argument that was started.

"-kid. Search the house." It was a voice that wasn't familiar.

A robbery maybe?

A small light came on under the closet door and he heard footsteps. "Anyone in here, yo?"

Izuku makes a small noise. He'd listened to enough of Present Mic's radio show to recognize the man's voice. The door shook as the hero tried to get it open, "Hang on, listener."

Izuku blinks and turns away when the door opens wide to the room completely brightened. Present Mic is crouched down instantly, "You alright, listener? Are you hurt?"

"No." Izuku whispers, "Why are you here?"

The man hesitates but answers slowly, "Your parents got caught up in some not so good things. CPS was called by a neighbor too. Let's go get you checked out kid."

Present Mic helps him to his feet, "I'm Present Mic by the way. Wanna tell me your name?"

"Izuku." 

Present Mic grins, "It's good to meet ya!"

Izuku stops when they make it to the living room and he sees his parents both pinned to the ground by different heroes and officers. Inko sees him first, "You little bitch! You called CPS on us?"

Izuku opens his mouth to reply but a hand drops onto his shoulder. He looks up at Present Mic who is no longer grinning, "He didn't do anything wrong. You got yourselves caught up. Also, you've officially lost custody. Eraser, make sure you add neglect and abuse onto charges."

Izuku's eyes snap towards the hero standing off in the corner of his living room. The man lowers his head, "with pleasure."

Izuku pinches his wrist before bouncing on his heels, "You're Eraserhead."

The man glances up, "I am."

"You're quirk," Izuku takes a deep breath, "Is so cool. Is it considered an emitter quirk or mutation? Because technically your eyes are mutated to be able to glow like that but at the same time it could definitely just be emitting the force to stop it. Do you have a second quirk that works with levitation? Because your hair floats. Some mental quirks are identified though by floating hair so it could be that-"

"Would you shut the fuck up you worthless piece of shit?" Hisashi hisses.

Izuku's mouth snaps shut as he stares at his father. The hero on top of him was pushing down harder and muttering something in his ear.

Izuku didn't remember much else from that day.

—

Izuku furrows his brows as more tears fall down his face. He slowly fills in the last yes. Ten out of ten marked as yes. 

A passed-

Failed

-test.

—

Something shifts in front of him and Izuku glances up at Aizawa. His eyes dart back down as he rubs harshly at his cheeks. "Kid."

Izuku releases a shaky breath before pushing the filled out test forward, "It's all filled out."

Aizawa pushes it aside, "I knew what was going to be filled out. Kid, it's okay for you to have answered them all yes. It doesn't make you weak."

Izuku stares out the window across the room. He disagrees. He didn't need- want -anyone to know his past. If they did know, they'd think he was weak, 

pathetic, 

worthless, 

useless.

There's a small tap on his desk before Aizawa talks again, "You never should have gone through any of that. But you did and we can't do anything about what happened. But we can do something to help you now. This test," Another tap, "while painful to fill out, helps you. By filling this out you've shown that you know what happened and that what happened was bad. Acceptance at its finest. Everything past this, this too, is going to be so fucking hard for you. And Hizashi and I will be there every step of the way. We want to help you kid."

Izuku stifles his sob, "I just want to be done. With everything."

Aizawa shifts closer and grabs Izuku's hands, "I know. But it can't be yet. You have to be strong for a while longer still."