Chapter Text
Spider
The water is warm around his legs and it laps gently at his waist. Sitting on the ilu in front of Kiri, Spider watches as the rest of the Sullys lay Neteyam to rest with the Great Mother, trying to ignore the stab of guilt that lances up his chest. Kiri reaches around under the water and grasps his hand, and he squeezes back, trying to lend her strength in this moment that he’s not sure he actually possesses.
The journey back to shore is somehow more somber than when they set out. The presence that Neteyam filled, even in death, feeling a bit lost now that they don’t carry his body with them. Sparkling stars reflect on the dark surface of the water, and the only sound over the soft lapping of the waves are the sniffles of Tuk’s crying, muffled where she hides them in the crook of Neytiri’s neck.
Once they return to shore, Spider joins the Sullys, standing in the shallows to pay their respects and send off the other Na’vi lost in the battle. He lets himself be surrounded by the Sully family, Lo’ak on one side and Kiri on his other, all too aware of the wary glances he is given by the Metkayina. The distrustful stares are something he’s all too familiar with from his time growing up around the Omatikaya, and he instinctively folds his shoulders in on himself a bit to make himself smaller, look less like a threat.
Afterwards, everyone begins to walk into the village towards a central fire, where a communal supper will be served. There is always a lot to be done in the days following a battle, Spider has learned. His mask and exopack gives him the ability to stay underwater for extended periods of time and his knowledge of RDA technology has meant that he’s been kept busy all day. The Metkayina warriors were obviously reluctant to work with him initially, but Jake and Lo’ak had vouched for him and that was that. Spider made himself useful, so they didn’t argue.
He lets himself follow the family through the village, walking a pace behind Lo’ak, where he trails the rest of the Sullys. In the months since they’ve seen each other and following the death of Neteyam in battle, Lo’ak has changed from the person Spider knew growing up. He’s quieter, more reserved than he was, but then again, Spider isn’t the same as he was before he was taken, either. A part of him worries he and his friends don't really know each other anymore.
Another flash of guilt squeezes his chest, and Spider stares down at his feet sinking in the sand as they walk. Even if he knew his friends as well as he once did, there’s no doubt in his mind that at best, they’d drive him away when they find out he saved Quaritch. More realistically, he’ll be dead in the wake of the revelation. He can’t say he’d blame them, either. Since he first saw him on the seafloor, Spider’s been grappling with the decision he ultimately made.
Quaritch has done terrible things. Fact. He led a squad that set the homes of a Metkayina village on fire. He initiated a hunt of a Tulkun who had a calf, resulting in the meaningless and wasteful death of both creatures. He led the men that killed Neteyam and threatened Kiri at knifepoint himself.
But, Quaritch also always carried around an extra exopack battery everywhere he went even though Spider always carried a spare of his own. He convinced the RDA personnel to let Spider wear what he wanted, a loincloth and body paint, rather than forcing him to wear the Sky People fatigues they wanted to force him into. He started to learn the Na’vi language and when he’d finally said, “Oel ngati kameie,” I See you , Spider had almost convinced himself that Quartich actually meant it.
He saved Spider’s life on that ship, too. Saved him from Neytiri, when he could have easily just not. What’s done is done now, and if Spider was a braver person, he would have told Jake already, but he’s selfish and wants to hold onto being close to the Sullys for a little bit longer.
Everyone eats in silence, and as people begin to trickle to their tents, Spider lingers by the fire. Jake and Neytiri speak with the leader, Tonowari Spider’s learned is his name, and then they go back towards the shore. Spider watches them go and glances around unsure of where he’s meant to be. With everything going on, he hadn’t gotten a chance to ask when Norm would be returning to take Spider back. When he was hear dropping off relief supplies, he'd given Spider a bag of a few necessities: a couple of extra exopack batteries and portable charging station that runs on solar power, a cannula tube to use for when he eats, an extra loincloth, and his knife he’d left in his room back at the base.
Kiri stands from where she’d been sitting beside him, and she reaches down to pick up Tuk, who’s beginning to doze next to Lo’ak. Tuk goes easily, slinging her arms loosely around Kiri’s neck and resting her head on her shoulder. Lo’ak looks up in a daze at the movement, like he’s coming back to his body.
“Come on,” Kiri says, voice heavy with exhaustion as she looks between the two of them, “Let’s go home. I’m tired.”
Lo’ak nods and stands, turning to offer Spider a hand, and Spider finds himself following the Sully kids through the village to a mauri sitting on the edge of the settlement. The walkways are springy beneath his feet, and the sea is soft in his ears. Spider stows his bag at the edge of the entrance to the mauri as everyone enters. He switches out the battery of his exopack and pretends to be organizing the few supplies in the pack to avoid going further into the Sullys’ home, unsure about his place in its walls.
Kiri lays Tuk down on one of the mats, lingering close enough to keep a hand on her back as she stokes the center embers back into a brighter smolder. When they glow bright enough to wash the whole mauri in their warm, orange glow, she lays down beside Tuk, pulling her sister’s head under her chin and tucking her body close in her embrace. Lo’ak quickly settles on Tuk’s other side and is about to lay down when he looks over to Spider.
“Come one, bro,” he murmurs, motioning over to the huddle. His limbs move slowly, heavy with exhaustion and grief.
“You go ahead,” Spider whispers back, “I’ll be there in a sec.”
Lo’ak pauses and stares at him for a moment before he nods, rolling over to bracket Tuk between his body and Kiri’s. Spider watches them for a moment, hears their breaths slow down as they drift off, and he slips back outside, walking silently down to the edge of the walkway. He sits and lets his legs dangle off the edge. The platform is raised enough that his toes don't brush the water, but the ocean breeze is cool against his soles.
He watches the bioluminescence of the sea creatures traveling in the water below him and out into the open water beyond, their light painting the water like the stars paint the dark sky. The moons that neighbor Pandora have traversed their way across the sky when Spider feels the spongy walkway shift beneath him. He hears Jake murmur something softly to Neytiri as they approach their mauri. If she responds, Spider doesn’t hear it, but he feels Jake’s approach. He lowers himself to a squat beside Spider.
“Hey,” Jake says quietly, “What’re you doing out here?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Spider lies, not looking over to Jake, “I didn’t want to wake the others.”
Jake hums in acknowledgement. He looks out over the water with Spider for a moment, neither speaking into the night.
“I’d never seen the ocean before,” Spider whispers, realizing the truth in the statement as he says it.
“What do you think of it?” Jake asks.
“It’s mighty,” he says, looking over when he feels Jake still beside him, “A lot vaster than I thought it’d be.”
Jake smiles down at him and places a hand familiarly on top of Spider’s head.
“Come in soon,” he says, “We all need rest.”
“Yessir,” Spider says. Something flickers through Jake’s expression, a there-and-gone-again frown crinkling between his eyebrows. He ruffles his hand atop Spider’s head and stands, walking silently back into his home, to his family. Spider watches him go, turning back to the wide expanse of the water, looking towards where the line of it meets the line of the sky.
As the horizon begins to hint at lightning in the pre-dawn, Spider slinks back into the Sullys’ mauri. They’re all huddled together in a heap. Neytiri has washed the mourning paint from her face and lays curled behind Kiri. Her arm rests over Kiri and Tuk with her hand resting on Lo’ak’s shoulder. Jake, whose face is similarly cleaned, has situated himself beside Lo’ak, but his arm reaches all the way to lay loosely on Neytiri’s waist.
A family unit tucked into the parenthesis of parents, and as he always has done, Spider stands separate. Close enough to see and almost taste, but never allowed to partake. An outsider is something Spider has always been, and the subtle sting of longing sit familiarly in his chest. Silently, as to not wake anyone, Spider tucks himself against the wall of the mauri, leaning against the pack Norm gave him and pulling a spare blanket over his shoulders. He hugs his arms around himself and eventually drifts off to the sound of the Sully family’s soft, quiet breathing from across the mauri.
……………
The days following the funeral are long and hard. Spider works alongside the Metkayina, sticking close to Lo’ak or Kiri as best as he can. He knows the only reason he’s being allowed to stay is because Jake has spoken for him, but Spider still feels that low desperate urge in his stomach to be useful, to prove that he can keep up and isn't just another mouth to feed.
He’s mainly been helping with manual labor out in the water. Riding along with Lo’ak or Kiri on an ilu, Spider has helped clear debris from reefs and disable any electrical machines that are still operating so they don’t harm surrounding plants and animals. One of the younger Metkayina who seems to know Lo’ak and Kiri, who Spider learns is called Aonung, wants nothing to do with Spider on the first day, which is fair. But by the end of the second day, he’s silently giving Spider a lift from wreckage to wreckage when Lo’ak and Kiri are otherwise busy. They work alongside each other silently but efficiently. Spider doesn’t delude himself that Aonung likes him, but at least he’s not wary of him any longer.
Many of the Metkayina's attitudes towards Spider have started to shift in that direction in the past couple days. It is obvious to him that nobody is happy about Spider’s presence in the village, but he doesn’t pose a threat to their people and has been helping, however limited his ability, so most people simply ignore him now. It’s a familiar place for Spider to fall into amongst Na'vi, so he does so silently. He does his best to keep to himself as much as possible, imposing as little as he can on their lives.
Local village leaders have arrived in Awa’atlu over the past couple days, as well. Na’vi that Spider doesn’t recognize, and one that he very distinctly does. The man looks much different now than he did kneeling under the gun of one of Quaritch’s men. Spider does his best to keep his head down and avoid him, shame and self-loathing for not doing more courses through him as he remembers how the orange glow of the burning mauris looks from the deck of a ship. But, he catches the olo’eyktan watching him with an unreadable expression on his face. Spider looks away quickly, but he sees the Na’vi in his peripheral vision, turning to speak with Tonowari.
Spider can’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the day, silent panic thudding in his chest. No matter how much he’s helped in the past couple days, it’s unlikely he’ll be allowed to stay now that the role he played in the destruction of Ta’unui homes is almost certainly brought to light. He knows that they’ll ask him to leave. His stay at Awa’atlu is long overdue already, anyhow. There’s no reason to continue to have him stay, no matter how much he has been pitching in to help how he can. It will only take Norm a few hours to fly out and get him once Jake radios over.
Besides in the early hours of the morning or well into the evening, Spider has seen very little of Jake. With everything going on, Jake has had a never ending list of things to do. Neytiri has been helping Tonowari’s mate, Ronal, in a makeshift infirmary, caring for those wounded in the battle, and Tuk has been sticking close to her side. But, it seems like Jake has been all over the place: helping clear wreckage, greeting incoming village leaders, aiding in the construction of extra defenses beyond the reef, teaching the Metkayina warriors the mechanics of a firearm.
They’re all visibly reluctant to handle let alone use one, but they all seem to recognize that in a fight against the Sky People, the knowledge will be useful. More important than knowledge of a firearm, Jake teaches everyone he can get a hold of how to disarm somebody holding a gun, often enlisting Lo’ak to help him teach or demonstrate.
That evening, as Neytiri is settling the everyone in after dinner, Spider walks out to the spot he’s taken up every night at the end of the walkway. He sits and lets the cool breeze over the water brush soothingly across his tired feet and legs where they dangle over the edge. The walkway behind him shifts, and Jake exits the mauri. Apart from the first evening following Neteyam’s funeral, Jake has been attending a meeting with the other village leaders every night.
Instead of feeling Jake’s step becoming more muted on the walkway as he makes his way into the village, Spider feels Jake approaching him where he sits. Spider looks up as he approaches. The freckles of bioluminescence across Jake’s face and shoulders are bright in the dark of the eclipse. He crouches by Spider and places a hand on his shoulder.
“Iutmeyngu, the Ta’unui olo’eyktan, spoke with Tonowari,” he says, looking at Spider’s face carefully, “The council would like to ask you a few questions about the RDA at tonight’s meeting, if you’re up for it?”
“Yeah,” Spider says eagerly, standing quickly, “Yeah, of course. Whatever will help.”
“Thanks, Spider,” Jake says, a small smile tugging at his mouth, “You’re a good kid.”
Something close to nausea tears through his stomach at that, because Jake doesn’t know. He’s meant to tell Jake so many times about Quaritch. He keeps telling himself that now is not the time whenever a chance presents itself, but the reality that he doesn’t want to admit to himself is that Spider is a coward. He looks down to his feet and forces the stinging of tears down past the sudden thickness in his throat.
“Come on,” Jake says, patting Spider’s shoulder lightly as he stands, “Let’s get this done.”
The council is a small collection of village leaders. Spider recognizes Tonowari and the Na’vi from the village he’d watched Quartich burn as Spider tried desperately to translate. That must be Iutmeyngu. The shame from earlier floods Spider’s chest, leaving him feeling hollow in its wake. Jake steers him towards a center table with a hand on his shoulder. It comes up to Jake and the rest of the Na’vi’s waists, so Spider can just see over the top. It’s covered in a map with different markings.
“Welcome, Spider,” Tonowari says, “Has Jake explained what we will ask you?”
“Yes,” he says, glancing up. Tonowari is watching him with a kindness in his eyes. The unguarded emotion and softness directed at him makes Spider’s skin itch. It’s not something Spider deserves after everything he’s done, everything he essentially helped the RDA do to Tonowari and his people. “I’ll answer as much as I can.”
The next few hours are filled with questions about what weapons the RDA has at their disposal, what new body armor is being built to be worn by the Sky People in battle, any and all pertinent knowledge that he can think of about their machinery and any aircraft or subaquatic vehicles. Spider explains what he can, and where words are too technical and translation to Na’vi fails him, he crawls up onto the table and draws diagrams. He uses them to explain weak points that the Na’vi can exploit: chinks in armor to aim for, plates on vehicles that have critical circuitry just beneath them, the effects of water, arrows, bullets, knives, and spears would have on different machines, which weapon would be most effective on which machine. He finishes by explaining what he knows about recombinant avatars.
“They’re not like the avatars the Sky People have used before,” Spider says, “The human isn’t in a link to the body. When you take out the recom, you take out the whole person. They won’t wake up in a base to come fight you again, but they won’t go down easy. They’re all trained military, special warriors from Earth.”
“We will not go down easy either,” Iutmeyngu says firmly, meeting Spider’s eyes, “We will chase the Sky People back into the heavens as many times as we need.”
Spider nods in understanding, knowing that he’s including Spider in that statement. He climbs back down off the table and stares at his feet as Jake and Tonowari draw the meeting to a close. Everyone begins to disperse, and Spider is about to slip out of the hut when Jake calls him back.
“Do you remember how many recoms there are?” he asks, “Other than Quaritch and his squad, I mean?”
“It’s only Quaritch and his team,” Spider says quietly.
“You said it takes years for them to grow a recom’s body, right? Like they’d need for an avatar?” Jake asks, and Spider nods in confirmation, “Then we don’t have to worry about recoms for a while now, at least.”
This is it, Spider realizes. There’s no more putting it off, no more desperately hanging onto the fringes of a family he loves but has never been able to be a part of, his closest friends. He realizes this is the moment that he loses them, because there’s no way he’ll be able to live with himself if he doesn’t tell Jake, let him prepare himself for when Quaritch inevitably comes back. He’ll lose them, but they’ll not lose anyone else this time around.
“Quaritch is still alive,” Spider whispers, and like the coward he is, he can’t look at Jake as he says it. The silence that follows is loud as it drags out.
“No, he isn’t.” Jake’s voice is sharp and steady as he speaks. “I left him unconscious under a sinking ship.”
Spider risks a glance up at Jake to find him staring at Spider intently. He looks away quickly, focusing on his feet and fighting the stinging behind his eyes. He can feel Jake’s stare boring into the top of his head.
“Spider.”
“I…” Spider says, voice wavering, “I pulled him out.”
“You what?”
“I pulled him out,” Spider says, throat thick as he finally admits it out loud, “From under the ship. Sir.”
“Why?” Jake finally snaps, reverting to English in his anger. His voice raises as he turns to look fully at Spider, and Spider feels his shoulders crumble in on himself. “You know who he is, Spider. What he’s done to my family, to the people. Why the fuck would you pull him out?”
Panic claws at his chest and he lifts his eyes to look at Jake because he does know, but what’s done is done. Spider cannot change his mind now. Tonowari stands behind Jake, silent against the wall. Spider looks down again, his hands twisting and curling uselessly at his sides.
“I’m sorry,” he says, voice sounding ragged and desperate to his own ears, “I wasn’t going to, I swear. But then I saw him and I just–I don’t know, it felt like I’d be killing him myself by leaving him there. And I know.” He takes a deep, shuddering breath in an effort to keep his breathing under control, to keep the tears itching at the back of his eyes from running down his cheeks. “I know that he’s a recom and not actually my father and even if he was it means that he’s done awful, terrible things, but I just–when I was with the RDA all those months, with him and the other recoms, it felt like someone finally–it felt like he actually cared about me. And, he let Kiri go. He saved my life, so I owed him one. I know you don’t trust me now, and I get that. I do. But I promise, I promise , I will fight for the people and your family and for our homes.”
Silence descends in the hut again, heavy and tense. Jake has turned and is leaning against the table. His head hangs heavy between his shoulders and he’s shaking it lightly back and forth. As soon as Spider had started apologizing, he’d turned away from him, like looking at Spider was too hard for him to bear at that moment. The tense quiet bears down on Spider like a physical weight.
“Jake?” Spider tries tentatively, “Sir, I–”
“Spider,” Jake snaps, cutting him off, but he doesn’t continue. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head at the table. He still won’t look at Spider.
“I’m sorry,” barely held by tears have made his voice thick and unsteady, “I’m so, so sorry. I–”
“Stop,” Jake cuts him off again, suddenly sounding exhausted, “Just stop, Spider.”
“I’m sorry,” Spider says after a moment, his voice barely a whisper. He slips out into the night and runs.
He can’t go back to the Sullys’ mauri, he knows that for certain, so he heads towards the village’s edge. He loses track of how far he goes, how long he’s been running, but eventually, Spider finds a cove full of large rocks. He finds a pair of large boulders that he tucks himself between. Pulling his legs to his chest, Spider finally lets the tears roll unchecked down his cheek and the sobs wrack through his chest. The world crumbles around him, and Spider can blame nobody but himself.