Chapter Text
Caroline Lea once wrote, "Love opens us, as an earthquake opens the earth.”
Evan Buckley woke to pain and the annoying sound of beeping as it echoed in his ears. The air smelled of antiseptic and clean linen. It was enough to tell him where he was before he even opened his eyes. The events of the past few hours rushed through his head as he blinked back to the harsh luminescence of the fluorescent lights, his eyes focusing on the speckled ceiling tiles above him.
Images of broken fire hydrants, crumbling streets, frantic eyes of victims, and a building nearly on its side flashed across his mind like pictures on a screen. A 7.1 earthquake, the incident commander had said outside of the hotel, and based on what Buck had seen, he was surprised it wasn’t bigger. Los Angeles had been shaken loose, sending casualties and debris far and wide across the county. Considering the strong ache in his bones, Buck figured he had been one of those casualties.
He struggled to recall the last thing that had happened before he ended up in the hospital. He had been with the new guy, Eddie, in the hotel when the aftershock had hit. Buck’s breath had stalled in his throat as he watched the man they were attempting to rescue crash through the window and slam into the boulevard below, the screams of his unwilling companion following as Eddie dove for her hand.
Ali was her name, he remembered.
The burn in his muscles reminded him that he had stopped Eddie from falling out after the young woman. After that, it became a mess of information. Flashes of an elevator shaft, a kid on an ironing board, and some images of Hen and a small, white dog he didn’t understand. Buck’s brow furrowed as he fought to think about what could have happened next.
Blinking away the thoughts, he turned his head to the right and finally realized he wasn’t alone. Sitting in the chair at his bedside, asleep, was Eddie. At least, he thought it was Eddie. The new firefighter looked different. His hair was shorter and his face, clean-shaven. Perhaps it was because the man was sleeping, but Buck thought he looked more peaceful than usual as if a weight had suddenly been lifted off his chest compared to the haughty, army vet he had met only a few days before.
Something wasn’t right.
Buck moved his legs, testing his muscles for weakness. How long had he been laid up in bed? Weeks? Months? What was the date? Where was Maddie? Was Abby back? Was she worried about him? The monitors to his right picked up on his growing anxiety, their alarms making themselves known as Buck struggled to keep his thoughts from racing.
A sudden movement out of the corner of his eye made him stall as hazel eyes met his own. “Buck?” Diaz said, his voice still thick with sleep. He blinked twice before he was on his feet and hovering over Buck’s bed, his hands out as if he didn’t know what to do with them. “You’re awake,” he said, finally resting his hand on Buck’s shoulder, trying to keep him still.
“Eddie?” Buck tried, but his voice was just as hoarse. Eddie noticed and grabbed a cup of water from the table at the end of the bed, offering it to him. Buck took a few pulls from the straw, grateful for the cool feeling that rushed down his throat.
“Better?” Eddie asked.
“Yeah, thanks,” Buck said, handing him back the cup. “What happened?” he asked.
“Building came down on our way out,” Eddie explained. “Well, part of the roof did once the flashover hit.” Eddie’s voice got quieter as he spoke, his eyes on Buck’s never wavering as his hand returned to Buck’s shoulder.
Buck could see something in the other firefighter’s eyes, guilt perhaps. He hadn’t known Eddie very long, practically not at all, but after their near-death experience in the ambulance, he had felt as if a friendship or at least a work-based partnership was inevitable. There was a part of him that wanted that connection a bit too much if he was being honest with himself.
Eddie went on, “You were only a few paces behind me, I tried to grab you, but then the second beam blocked my way to you and Chimney was pulling me out before I went down with you.”
Buck frowned, not remembering Chimney being with them inside the main building of the hotel. It was then that he realized something else from Eddie’s story wasn’t making sense. “When did it catch on fire?” Buck asked.
“What?”
“The hotel, when did it catch on fire?” he asked again.
“What hotel?” Eddie asked, his brow furrowed.
“The hotel, Diaz. Big building, lots of windows, the creepy, old guy. The hotel . When did the fire hit? Was there another aftershock?” Buck asked, exasperated. Eddie was quiet, no, silent, as Buck swore he couldn’t even hear the other man breathing. The grip on his shoulder increased as Eddie leaned slightly closer.
“Buck,” Eddie said, slowly, “what’s the last thing you remember?” Buck’s brow mirrored Diaz’s expression.
“We were helping that woman,” he said. “Ali, she was hanging out of the building. I was holding onto your line. You nearly fell out after her.” The weight on his shoulder disappeared altogether as Eddie took a few steps back from him. Buck groaned. “That wasn’t yesterday, was it? Give it to me straight, Diaz. How long have I been out? Please don’t say the answer in months, I can’t deal with re-certification tests right now,” he joked, but Eddie didn’t laugh. He didn’t do much of anything as he stared at him. “Diaz?” Buck asked, and something jolted in his colleague.
“I’m going to get a doctor,” Eddie said, his eyes flicking across Buck’s face as if he was analyzing him. Buck figured it was his medic brain kicking in. He stopped himself from rolling his eyes. “Just…stay here,” Eddie said as he strode from the room.
“Wasn’t planning on moving!” Buck called back and then winced as he shifted too much. With Eddie making his escape, Buck took a moment to inventory his injuries. He was not a medic, but he had been in the hospital enough times to recognize a few of his maladies. He had cracked ribs, a broken wrist, maybe a sprained elbow, and bruises across most of his body. However, it was his left leg that felt the most uncomfortable. Lifting the thin sheet, he gazed down at his leg and froze as he beheld the mess of scars that scattered his skin. Tentatively, he reached down and ran his fingers along the scar tissue, his fingers shaking slightly.
Pulling his hand back sharply, Buck shoved the blanket back over the lower half of his body. The heart monitor echoed his concerns. Every possible scenario he could think of went slamming through his head. Had he rolled through broken glass? No, glass wouldn’t have done that. Buck rubbed at his brow, a headache blooming behind his eyes.
“Think, Buck, think ,” he said to himself as he sought to find his way through the thick fog of his mind. The sound of Eddie returning broke his concentration and this time, he wasn’t alone. There was a doctor following him and behind the doctor, Bobby. “Hey, Cap,” Buck said, his voice slightly shaky. Just like Eddie, Bobby looked older, too. More worn.
“Hey kid,” Bobby said before glancing at Eddie who was standing at the end of Buck’s bed, his hands braced on the foot rail.
“Mr. Buckley,” the doctor said as she approached him. “I’m Doctor Moores, it’s good to see you awake.”
“Just Buck,” Buck corrected automatically. The doctor smiled softly.
“Yes, Buck, apologies,” she said. “Your friend here mentioned that there might be some confusion.” Buck glanced at Eddie, that confusion settling in further. The guy wasn’t his enemy, but he didn’t think he’d consider him a friend. At least, not yet. They had only gotten on better-speaking terms since their grenade encounter. Buck didn’t even know what “Eddie” was short for. He knew about his son, but couldn’t think of the boy’s name at the moment. If anything, Eddie was more of a stranger than a friend.
“He said I was in a fire, but I don’t remember there being one. We weren’t even wearing full turnout gear,” Buck said and then looked at Bobby who neither confirmed nor denied his suspicions.
“I’m going to ask you a couple of questions, okay?” Dr. Moores asked, and Buck nodded. “What’s your name?”
“Evan Buckley.”
“Can you tell me your sister’s name?” The mention of Maddie had his heart jumping again. It had been her first day at Metro Dispatch when the quake had hit. “Buck?”
“Maddie,” he answered.
“Good,” she said, noting something down on the tablet in her hands. “Okay, can you tell me who these men are?”
“My fire captain, Bobby Nash, and my colleague, Eddie Diaz,” he answered easily.
“Great. Now, can you tell me the year?”
“The year?” Buck echoed, raising one of his eyebrows, and Dr. Moores nodded. Buck looked at Bobby, and then at Eddie, both of whom were waiting patiently. “It’s 2018.”
Eddie reacted first.
Buck’s eyes tracked the sudden shift in the man’s forearms as he gripped the foot rail tighter. It was as if his senses were on autopilot when it came to Diaz. Some part of him recognized the immediate stress that overcame the man, just as he had previously recognized the guilt in his expression. Bobby’s face changed too, his eyes casting down, and then back up to meet Buck’s. That's when the latter knew that wasn’t the answer they were expecting.
“It’s not 2018…is it?” Buck asked the doctor who shook her head.
“No, Buck,” she said. “I’m afraid it’s 2022.” Buck went pale. He tested his legs again, searching for the signs of atrophy, feeling his throat to see if a tube had been down it recently. His thumb passed over his tracheotomy scar, grounding him as he thought of Abby.
“How…” he tried. “How long have I been out?” The doctor seemed to pick up on his meaning immediately.
“You haven’t been in a coma, Buck,” she said, and Buck let out a breath of relief. “However, it seems you do have a bout of amnesia. One that has unfortunately caused you to lose about four years of your memories.”
The truth hit him immediately. It would explain the change in Eddie, Bobby, the scars on his leg, and why there was a feeling in the back of his mind that he was missing something important, something to do with the stressed medic just feet away from him. “Four years?” Buck whispered. “How?”
“When we found you, you didn’t have your helmet on,” Eddie said, finally. “It must have gotten knocked off when the second beam came down.” Bobby stepped toward Eddie who spun away from him and paced toward the window, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
“I want to get another MRI,” Dr. Moores said, pulling Buck’s attention away from Eddie. “This is most likely temporary. You’ve been knocked around a lot in your line of work so your brain may be having a different kind of reaction this time. We won’t worry unless we have to, okay?”
“Okay,” Buck said, moving on autopilot.
“I’ll go order those tests,” she said before laying a quick hand on his arm and exiting the room. It was quiet then. Eddie remained at the window while Bobby moved closer to Buck’s bedside, sitting in the chair Eddie had been asleep in.
“Maddie,” Buck began.
“She’s fine,” Bobby assured him. “She left about an hour ago to get some rest. I’ll call her in a bit to let her know you’re awake.”
“How long was I asleep?”
“Two days,” Eddie said, turning back to face his fellow firefighters. “Almost three.” Buck frowned. It was then that he noticed the dark circles under Eddie’s eyes and the messed up hair at the back of his neck as if he had been rubbing at it. Eddie shifted under Buck’s gaze.
Buck cleared his throat.
“I’m guessing I have a lot to catch up on,” he said, trying to make a joke of it but based on Eddie’s expression, it didn’t land.
“We’re going to help you through this, kid,” Bobby said, reaching to hold onto his forearm. Buck nodded, the reality of missing four years of his life settling in. Though, this time the monitor remained steady as he focused on his breathing, lest he injured his ribs more. Buck let his head fall back onto his pillow as a slight vibration reached his ears. Bobby pulled out his phone. “It’s Athena,” he said, and it was then Buck noticed the black band around his captain’s left ring finger.
Bobby followed his gaze and winked. Buck chuckled, wincing at the pain in his ribs. “Nice going, Cap,” he said, and Bobby smiled at him.
“I’ll be back,” he said, squeezing Buck’s wrist as he stood and headed for the hallway, answering his phone on the way out. Buck watched him go before turning his attention back to Eddie who was still staring at him.
“I’m sorry,” Buck said, and Eddie snapped out of his thoughts once again.
“What the hell are you apologizing for?” Eddie asked, stepping closer to him. “You’re the one in the damn hospital bed. Again,” he added after a second. Buck filed that away for later.
“Clearly, we’re a bit…closer than when we first met,” Buck said, testing the waters. He wasn’t entirely sure what exactly their relationship was, but it wasn’t just professional. That much he could tell just by looking at the man. “So, I’m sorry I don’t remember you. Remember us.” Eddie shook his head, taking a seat at his side again and resting his forearms on the edge of the bed.
“You don’t have to apologize,” he said. “This is temporary. You’re going to be fine.” It sounded as if Eddie was trying to convince himself more than Buck.
“So, we’re friends?” Buck tried. Eddie smiled slightly, his fingers playing with a loose thread on the blanket.
“Best friends, believe it or not,” Eddie said. Buck blinked.
“I don’t,” he said.
“Four years is a long time, bud,” said Eddie. “Then again, we got pretty close after the earthquake. You’re kind of hard to dislike.” Buck grinned at that, surprised at how at ease he felt, but it was short-lived.
“Eddie,” he began, the name feeling familiar on his tongue, “what happened to my leg?” Eddie’s fingers froze, his back returning to its rigid state. His eyes snapped to Buck’s so fast it felt like whiplash.
“That bad?” Buck asked, clamoring for the memory, the pain, anything to tie the scar to the injury.
“Maybe we won't overwhelm you with the traumatic details just yet,” Eddie supplied.
“So, definitely that bad,” Buck said. Eddie frowned.
“It wasn’t good,” he allowed. Eddie then reached into his back pocket and pulled out a phone, handing it to Buck. “Start here. Just know that…” he trailed off.
“What?”
“A lot has happened in four years, Buck. You may not like what you find.” Eddie then stood and grabbed his jacket. A part of Buck felt panic at the thought of him leaving but he couldn’t figure out why. “I’ll be back tomorrow if that’s okay?” Buck just nodded, unsure of what else to do or say. “Look, I know you feel like you don’t know me, but I know you, and you’re going to get through this.” Eddie gave him a small smile before shrugging on his jacket and making for the door.
“Eddie,” Buck called once more. The other man paused in the doorway, looking back at him. “What’s your son’s name?”
“Christopher,” Eddie said with a soft smile, “but we call him, Chris.” Buck nodded and with that, Eddie slipped out the door and down the hall, leaving Buck to his thoughts and a sinking feeling that whatever was on the phone in his hands was about to rattle him harder than the San Andreas ever did.