Work Text:
“James Sirius Potter, you were named after my father and my godfather, two men I think of quite dearly.”
“Albus Severus Potter, you were named after the two bravest men I ever knew…yes, I suppose that one of them groomed me to die and the other bullied me for most of my teenage years…what does that matter?”
“Lily Luna Potter, you were named after my mother and a girl that I used to go to school with.”
“Neville Hagrid Potter, you were named after a school friend who was almost the child of prophecy but wasn’t and quite possibly the only man who genuinely cared about me without any personal gain from it.”
“Harry James Potter II, you were named after me. I was a bit stressed at the time and it was the first thing that popped into mind.”
“Dobby Kreacher Potter, you were named after a house-elf revolutionary who died protecting me…and another house-elf who used to regularly call me and my friends slurs…”
“Cho Chang Potter, you were named after a girl that I used to have a crush on. I used both her names because I still don’t know which one is supposed to be her first name or her last name so I decided to cover all my bases…”
“Gilderoy Colin Potter, you were named after the man who nearly sent me and your uncle Ron to the Janus Thickney ward due to his malicious greed…and a kid I went to school with who I actually found annoying but then he died during the Battle of Hogwarts so now I feel kinda guilty about that…”
“Cedric Alastor Potter, you were named after the boy who was brutally murdered right in front of me by my archnemesis who then proceeded to allow it to look like I’d murdered him and thus ground my name and reputation into the dust…and the man who got killed during a rescue mission meant for me because one of his comrades fled the battle at the soonest moment possible…”
“Minerva Parvati Potter, you were named after the only teacher at Hogwarts who wasn’t fucking insane and the girl that I went to the Yule Ball with…or was that the other one?”
“Poppy Padma Potter, you were named after the woman who always healed me up no matter what bullshit I pulled and, yeah, she only did it because it was her job but honestly even that was preferable to the shit the rest of the adults in that school pulled…and also the girl I went to the Yule Ball with…or was that the other one?”
“Lavender Sybil Potter, you were named after another kid I went to school with who I found annoying but then she died at the Battle of Hogwarts so now I feel kinda bad about it…and also the seer who spit forth the prophecy that ended up ruining my entire life and possibly the lives of everyone else I know.”
“Pomona Mary Potter, you were named after the woman who I’m pretty sure was Hogwarts’s primary weed dealer and the woman who I’m reasonably sure was Voldemort’s paternal grandmother…”
“Percival Wulfric Potter, you were named after Dumbledore who had too many fucking middle names and I figured I might as well put them to use since he isn’t.”
“Brian John Potter, you were also named after one of Dumbledore’s middle names, but also after the middle name of my godfather’s boyfriend except they wouldn’t admit they were boyfriends because of internalized homophobia I guess.”
“Fabian Gideon Potter, you were named after your mother’s dead maternal uncles which is kind of weird because she only mentioned them like twice? So I don’t know why she’s getting so huffy about names all of a sudden…”
“Muriel Marjorie Potter, you were named because your mother wouldn’t shut the fuck up about naming you all with significant names from her family SO GUESS WHAT, WE DECIDED TO SHARE! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, GINNY?”
“Peter Wormtail Potter, I was in a bit of a bad place when I named you…”
“Thomas Voldemort Potter…I was in a very bad place when I named you.”
“Arthur Charles Potter…Ginny has stopped letting me name our children…”
THE END