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Kaito liked to think that other people’s words couldn’t affect him. After all, they were just words, and he knew better than to give in to those kinds of things.
And yet…
“Ignore him; he’s just being an idiot.”
“You’re so dumb, Kaito!”
“Quit fucking talking, dumbass! Actual genius is speaking!”
They were just words… weren’t they? None of his friends actually thought those things, right? Sure, Miu says those kinds of things to everyone, and Kokichi wasn’t the most trustworthy person around. Maybe those words would’ve been easier to ignore if it was just those two, but it seemed like his entire class joined in. Even Maki, one of his sidekicks- someone he trusted, characterized him as someone who wasn’t smart. Everything he studied, all the work he put in to be an astronaut, suddenly felt unrecognized.
Hearing those words everyday… Was that really how the others saw him?
Thoughts like those circled in his mind more often than he’d like to admit. And that’s why he wasn’t in class that day.
Normally when he feels down, he’d go look at the stars, but it was a bright, sunny day outside. There were no stars to help calm him down.
So there he was, sitting in a dark room he managed to find in Hope’s Peak- the only light coming from a single window on a far wall. He was sitting in the corner, arms wrapped around his legs in a typically uncharacteristic attempt to take up less room.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, staring at the floor absently, but it was definitely still daylight out when he heard the door open slowly.
Looking up, he saw Shuichi staring back at him, silent and curious as ever.
“Oh, hey! What are you doing here?” He tried to maintain his typical loud and happy tone, but it seemed like his voice was trying to betray him.
“I should be asking you that.” Shuichi replied, “I was worried when you didn’t show up to class.”
“Well… I just needed some fresh air, that's all.”
“Ah… Kaito, you’re in a dark, stifling room.”
“Heh, well I guess you got me there!” He laughed.
Shuichi stared at him for a moment, clearly analyzing the situation as if it were a crime scene. Then, he sat down beside him with a small sigh.
And after that came a crushing silence. It was clear to him that Shuichi was trying to find the right words. He was going to try to pry into those thoughts that he tried so hard to throw away, and there really was nothing he could do. He wanted to act like everything was fine and continue his day like normal. But Shuichi caught him, and he wasn’t going to be able to get out of it. Shuichi caught him more vulnerable than he had ever been around others, and he didn’t know how to feel. He trusted Shuichi but the detective had enough going on in his own mind to deal with. It didn’t feel right to confess all of these problems to the one he always offered a shoulder to cry on.
“Kaito,” Shuichi finally spoke up, somehow quelling the spiral his mind was going down, “did something happen?”
“Nah, it’s nothing.”
“Kaito please…” He saw Shuichi turn to face him out of the corner of his eye. “I can tell that something has been on your mind lately. If there’s something wrong, I want to know. You’ve helped me so much, and I want you to know that I’m here for you too. Whatever it is, you aren’t alone.”
All of the guilt and fear swirling in his gut combined with a new feeling. It wasn’t bad, he knew that much. It almost… helped those negative feelings cease.
“Hey, Shuichi,” he didn’t look at the other as he spoke, “do you… think I’m smart?”
What was probably only a couple seconds felt like an eternity before Shuichi replied, “Of course I do. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”
He was silent after that, and Shuichi must’ve taken that as not good enough of an answer because he continued, “I’ve seen you solve complex mathematical equations in your head within seconds, and the way you discuss the logistics of space travel is amazing. Not to mention how you handle others. The way you lead, the compassion you show, all of that shows just how smart you truly are every single day. Sure, you can be reckless and sometimes your passion overtakes logic, but I never considered that a fault because you are smart, and you try every day to grow. And I know others see this too, even if they don’t say it.”
Hearing that felt nice. Nicer than he ever thought it would. That feeling in his gut grew past any guilt or fear, and his eyes started welling up with tears despite his hard fought attempts.
“Ah, Kaito?” Shuichi sounded worried, even more so after he had laid his head on the detective’s shoulder, sniffling and sobbing in what felt like relief to him.
“Thanks, Shuichi.” He managed to get out.
“Of course.” Shuichi said, running his fingers through his hair as he continued to cry.
He finally identified the feeling in his gut as he was crying his eyes out on that classroom floor.
Shuichi made him feel safe and loved.