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Revali had the perfect plan.
Mipha would probably spend the rest of their afterlives angry with him for it of course, but Revali considered that to be a small price to pay for getting his revenge on the hylian champion.
Revali had spent the past century resenting the knight. Part of it was due to how that “destined hero” had all of his importance and influence handed to him on a silver platter, but even worse than that was the hylian’s obnoxious stoicism. He obstinately refused to acknowledge Revali, never recognizing his obviously superior skill or rising to any of his provocations. At last though, Revali had thought of a way to finally get under that damnable knight’s skin.
He’d spent the weeks since Link had freed Vah Medoh rehearsing it, a grand speech proclaiming his secret, undying love for the hylian champion. All nonsense, of course. Revali’s heart held nothing for the hylian other than scorn, but it’s not like Link could know that for certain. As far as he would be able to know Revali’s claims would be genuine and he’d spent all that time wrongly assuming that the rito was just some arrogant prick. He’d probably feel so terribly guilty for thinking that he had wrongly judged Revali on outward appearances.
Let’s see that stoic bastard stop thinking about him after that.
Not that Revali cared what Link thought about him, of course.
After weeks of patience, the time had finally come. He could clearly see the final battle against Gagon from his vantage on Vah Medoh, watching with bated breath as Link wove between stomping hooves and blasts of energy, whittling down the colossal monstrosity of pure Malice tearing through Hyrule Field. Revali couldn’t help but feel a little bit smug that after all of this, the final fight ultimately hinged on the hero’s archery skills of all things and didn’t even have anything to do with that oh-so-special sword of his. Really just more proof that he had clearly been given the wrong role in all of this.
He knew that the fight was over when he saw a golden light envelop the battlefield, consuming Ganon’s malice and filling his vision. When it faded Revali was in Hyrule Field alongside the other champions, standing before a mud-spattered Zelda still wearing her tattered ceremonial dress. Link leaned against her, wearing what looked to be parts of a guardian awkwardly reshaped into a suit of armor, including perhaps the ugliest piece of headwear Revali had ever seen completely covering his eyes. Even if Link did look good with his hair loose.
No time to think about that though. It was showtime.
Revali quickly prepared himself, smoothing down his ethereal feathers while the others silently stared at one another. Though he’d been rehearsing for weeks, he felt that this needed to go perfectly.
Mipha was the first to speak.
“Well,” she said, “it seems that the time has come for us to make our final farewells.” She gulped. “And so I feel that I must… which is to say, that I have something to confess to you, Link–”
“As do I!” It was then that Revali stepped forward, gesturing dramatically in a way that just happened to shove one of his wings into Mipha’s face. It wouldn’t do to have her steal his spotlight after all, and he was certain that whatever she was about to say wouldn’t be anything nearly as memorable as a dramatic declaration of love anyway.
“I know that I and the rest of you have had our differences, and that I have always been a very private individual, but as this seems to be my last chance to speak with Link I think it important that I make my true feelings known.”
Revali looked to Link, suppressing a grimace. The knight looked dead on his feet, placing nearly all his weight on Zelda. Hopefully he wasn’t injured. Revali wished that Link didn’t have his eyes covered by that damnable helmet, for all that he knew the Hylian could have been asleep this whole time. Really, how did he even see while wearing that thing?
“Link, I have always admired you.” Revali felt his mouth dry as he spoke the words, but kept his composure. He had practiced for this. “Your skill in combat rivaled my own, and your talent for aerial archery surpassed even some of my fellow rito, shameful as that may have been for them. I thought that I had hated you, and perhaps some part of me did resent you for your apparent lack of effort and refusal to acknowledge my own skills. But Link, I believe that my true feelings towards you…“ He paused. All lies, he had to remind himself. None of this was really true. There was no reason to be nervous. “I believe that my true feelings were more romantic in nature.”
He appreciated the appropriately shocked expressions on all of the other champions’ faces, though Link’s was as blank as ever. Revali once again cursed that ridiculous helmet. Not that seeing Link’s eyes would have helped him much, Revali had spent hours gazing into them during meetings with the other champions trying to see even the slightest crack in the knight’s stoicism and never finding it. He still found himself wanting to see them again for some reason.
“But alas, it seems that nothing will ever come of those feelings,” he sighed. He was amazed by his own acting skills, the thought of never seeing Link again was actually starting to make him sad. Revali offered Link a well-rehearsed bow before he turned and walked away, wings clasped behind his back.
And then he tripped on a rock and faceplanted into the dirt. The surprise and embarrassment of which was quickly overshadowed by a dawning horror.
Ghosts cannot trip over things.
Ghosts cannot fall.
Ghosts cannot feel the hard ground against their feathers, or the warm sunlight beaming down from above.
Revali had – rather reasonably, in his eyes – not anticipated that he might have to live with the consequences of his actions, an oversight that he was now very suddenly beginning to regret as he looked down at himself to see living flesh and blood rather than the ethereal glow of a spirit.
The next few moments dragged on for what felt like minutes as Revali lay there, desperately taking stock of his current position. The relief and wonder that might otherwise have filled him at miraculously being resurrected were drowned out by sheer panic and absolute mortification. How long had he been alive? Did he return to life part way through and not even notice? He had thought that the shocked expressions of the other champions were just because of his excellent performance, but was it actually because they saw him returning to life?
Revali quickly ran through every divine being he was aware of in his head, silently cursing them in the hope that he would blaspheme against whichever one was to blame for his plight just by process of elimination. He knew that it was probably Hylia, but prided himself on his thoroughness and wanted to make sure that he had covered all of his bases.
Slowly, agonizingly, Revali lifted himself off the ground. His movements were stiff and deliberate, desperate to keep his composure as well as he could. Even with his back turned, he could feel their eyes on him. Mind racing, he desperately tried to find the words to backpedal from this, but none came. The silence stretched on.
Until it was broken by a loud groan from behind Revali.
“Ugh, my head. Zelda? Am I… did we…”
“Oh! Link! I completely forgot!” Zelda exclaimed. “Mipha, come over here! He was injured during the fight, he fell unconscious right after.”
Mipha started, the mention of Link being injured finally shaking her out of her shock. “Oh, yes. Yes of course!”
Revali remained where he was, his mind finally putting together the pieces. Link’s lack of expression. How he seemed to be putting all of his weight on Zelda. How Revali had no way of knowing if the knight’s eyes were even open because they were obscured by that stupid helmet.
Link had been unconscious that entire time.
Link hadn’t heard a word that Revali had said.
Oh thank the goddess, Link hadn’t heard the speech.
Revali immediately rescinded all prior blasphemy, making a mental note to go on some kind of religious pilgrimage to show thanks to the goddess for this great mercy. Not only was Link completely oblivious to every mortifying thing Revali had just said, his grievous injuries had also made him the center of attention rather than Revali, as Urbosa and Daruk rushed to the Hylian’s side to make sure that he was okay. For all that could be said about Link taking a century to bother finishing the job of defeating the Calamity, Revali had to admit that his timing here was absolutely impeccable. He briefly considered taking advantage of the distraction to slip away, but leaving Link while he was injured after everything that had just happened felt… wrong, for some reason Revali couldn’t quite place.
Plus he needed to stay in order to make sure that none of the others told Link about everything he had just said.
So there he stood, wings folded and trying to pretend that everything was normal. Zelda and Mipha seemed intent to do the same, preferring not to acknowledge him at all as they tended to Link. Daruk genuinely seemed to have forgotten about Revali’s whole performance, cheerfully telling no one in particular about all of the things he was planning to do now that he was alive again and gushing about everything he knew about his grandson. For perhaps the first time in his life, Revali was glad that people weren’t paying attention to him.
Well most of them weren’t. Urbosa, though mercifully silent on the topic of what had just happened, kept looking between Revali and Link with a barely-concealed smile and a gleam of amusement in her eyes. Revali leveled the sternest glare he could muster at her, but her smile only grew.
“Alright,” Mipha said at last, interrupting Daruk’s idle chatter. “His injuries are gone, but he’s still exhausted. A good rest is what he needs now. From my vantage on Ruta I could see a stable a short journey southwest of here. Daruk, could you please–”
“I’ve got it!” The goron lifted Link’s body into his massive arms, carrying him like a heavily-armored baby.
The intense awkwardness of the prior few minutes at last seemed to dissipate as they made their way to the stable, Zelda guiding them with the Sheikah Slate’s map as she, Mipha, and Daruk made pleasant conversation about something Revali didn’t really bother listening to. He remained several paces back, glad that those three seemed to have forgotten about him. Unlike Urbosa, who seemed intent on staying near Revali with that same amused look on her face.
After minutes of walking in silence, she finally spoke up.
“You know… I had always suspected.”
“W-what exactly is that supposed to mean?!” Revali hissed, feathers ruffling.
Urbosa shrugged. “You were just so hostile to him with no provocation. I’ve only ever seen a voe act like that when he either felt threatened by another man, or when he felt uncomfortable with how attractive he found the other man to be.”
“Well you were wrong,” Revali snapped. He glanced at the group walking ahead of them, but they seemed not to have heard his outburst. “That was all lies. He means nothing to me.”
She quirked an eyebrow. “And what reason would you have for a dramatic false love confession, exactly?”
He opened his beak to speak, but snapped it shut when he realized that he didn’t have anything to say to that. What would he tell her? That he had spent weeks rehearsing a grand speech just to mess with Link’s head? That would only reinforce her idea that Revali cared about the hylian's opinion of him.
And yes, perhaps he had felt a touch of spiteful glee when he thought of how his plan could have thrown a wrench in any romance that might develop between the princess and her knight, and perhaps he felt a tiny bit of jealousy watching Mipha cradle Link’s head in her lap when she was healing him earlier, and perhaps when he saw the knight being carried by Daruk some small part of him wondered what it would feel like to hold Link in his own wings–
Oh.
Well.
In hindsight, it probably should have occurred to him sooner that a declaration of love wasn’t something that most people would think of when planning revenge on a hated rival.
Revali chose his next words carefully.
"Let’s say that your absurd theory was correct. What would it even matter?" He kept his eyes fixed on the ground in front of him. "We’ve never even had a conversation. He’s practically a complete stranger, it wouldn't be anything more than a shallow crush.”
“So? Have a conversation. Get to know him. I suspect that we’ve all been changed by what we’ve been through, and him most of all. The princess likely knew him best, and even she'll need to learn who he is all over again.” When Revali remained mutely staring at his own talons, she continued. “Though… if you are interested in getting his attention, you shouldn’t just wait around.” She nudged him with an elbow and nodded in the direction of the group ahead of them. “Have you seen the way those two look at him?”
Revali scowled, but followed her gaze. He’d been too busy worrying about his own situation to notice, but now that Urbosa had pointed it out it was hard for him not to see the fond looks that the two princesses shot at Link even while the knight was asleep. The realization put an unpleasant twist of jealousy in his stomach. “If that’s the case, then why would you be giving me advice? Surely you would want to help Zelda more.”
She winked. “Consider it repayment. That performance of yours was the first entertainment I’ve had in a century, after all.” She quickened her pace to join the others, ignoring Revali's indignant squawk at her words and leaving the Rito to his own thoughts.
Perhaps something a little less ostentatious than the speech, next time.