Chapter Text
TK wakes up with a groan. His body aches in every possible way. Not just his limbs and muscles but all the way to the holes of his eyes. He lifts his hand and is pulled slightly by the IV in his vein that he really should be used to by now. Instead of resisting the pull enough to let his hand rub his eyes like he so wanted to, he gives up and lets his arm lay flat back on the bed. He's tired and he hates it because he literally just slept so how is it that he's still tired. He starts crying for reasons that have nothing to do with the pain now centered to the area behind his right eye. He's frustrated. He doesn't even want to think about lifting another limb right now, or test if he could.
"Hey, hey," he hears a soft voice. "Shhh shhh."
TK feels a hand in his hair, smoothing over his head. And it feels so good, so comforting that his eyes immediately stop welling up.
"It's okay," TK hears.
And that's all he wants, that's all he needs. Carlos telling him it's okay, whether it's true or not.
“It’s okay,” he hears again as Carlos’ fingers now smooth in his hair individually. TK lets out a small moan to the comforting touch. He wants to lay like this forever or at least until he stops being so damn tired and achy.
Of course, right on schedule, it's taken away as soon as TK relaxes. The hand is taken from his hair, TK can feel the fingers linger as they're slowly pulled away from his head. He sees red in his lids as a light comes near his closed eye. It's confirmed when a gloved hand lifts one of his lids to shine a flashlight in it.
TK groans again, a little louder this time. He tries to shut his eye as he moves his head away.
"Do you have to do that in his face?" TK hears Carlos’ voice.
"We need to determine if he’s had another seizure or not."
Oh right, seizures. He has those now. How could he forget how Carlos came in after he was told, and TK feared for a few minutes that'd be too much for him or at least the start of it being too much there’s always more things to check off. But Carlos was there telling him he'd never leave.
They still don't know if he just has them only when he's asleep or if he just happened to fall asleep before having them. He hopes for the first. It's better than the possibility of him having one awake and Carlos having to walk in on him on the floor in the middle of the day, when and if their lives come to that. Maybe he's being presumptive in Carlos moving him back in but he hasn't shown anything in the contrary. The man still hasn't left the hospital.
Whoever it was, doctor or nurse, tries his eyes again. TK lets her despite the growing pain in his head that he's sure is the start of a wonderful headache.
Satisfied with the way his eyes are reacting to light, she leaves him alone. He knows he's due for more tests soon but he prays not today. Or maybe they'll do it when he's sleeping. He feels a pull on his IV and the collar of his shirt pulled down to check whatever it was that needed checking on his chest. He lost count of the different wires and strings connecting to this or that.
When he hears footsteps leaving, still not ready to open his eyes, he thinks again about reaching up to rub his aching head when he feels a hand in his.
"You awake?" he hears Carlos whisper.
TK answers back with a hum. He knows his face is contorted from the pain in his head and can feel the frown lines forming. He feels Carlos' thumb pressing into the point between TK's thumb and index finger. He feels Carlos rub tiny circles on the bone while applying some pressure.
The pain starts to lessen a little and TK lets out an amused breath from his nose.
"What?" Carlos smiles as TK opens his eyes.
"Did you look up acupuncture points?"
Carlos looks down bashfully and lets out a small laugh. "Is it working?"
"Yeah actually..."
TK knows it's only a temporary solution to what's most likely a long term or unfortunately lifelong problem, but he appreciates any relief when he can get it.
He lifts his hand with the IV again, feeling the pull once more and a small stinging.
He winces.
"New nurse," Carlos completes his thought before it even forms in TK's head. "She was a little rough."
TK lets out a small laugh as he turns to his sore hand. "Ah."
TK's wish that they'd hold off on the tests at least for the day is quickly shattered when a small group of doctors (specialists and interns alike) enter his room. They let him know they're going to get him ready for a few tests and scans. Nothing too in depth yet, they say.
He watches Carlos' face fall after he's denied going with him.
"Not this time," one doctor tells him. They promised him it'll be over before he knows it, it'll just be a bit crowded with him in there as well. TK's case was the first to most, if not all, of them. Lucky him.
A few scans (an MRI amongst them), and a few tests that are about 5 to 10 minutes each, most of which have nothing to do with his headache or the seizures he may or may not have had. Maybe they just wanted to get as much done as they could while he’s still awake.
An hour later they're wheeling him back to his room. They mention other tests they'll get to in the next few days, but TK has long zoned them out as soon as they said he can get back to Carlos. However, when they finally make it back, his room is empty.
He feels a tinge of pain at Carlos not being there, and then guilty for being hurt he’s not there. Of course, Carlos was allowed to leave. Just a few days ago TK himself told him to go home and get some rest. It’d be a bit hypocritical if he got upset if Carlos did just that.
Perhaps his nurse saw the disappointment on his face, or she just already knew TK would be looking for him.
“He just stepped outside really quick,” she says, fixing the IV that was bothering him earlier. “I’ll go tell him you’re back.”
TK gives her a smile and nods a thank you. He wants to save his energy for talking to Carlos.
He leans back into the pillows that are stacked against his head. He swears he doesn’t mean to fall asleep.
When he opens his eyes again Carlos is by the chair next to him, head fallen to the side, sleeping as well. He worries for a second about whether or not he should wake him and thinks how he can possibly do that before he sees Carlos stir and blink his eyes as he wakes up too.
“Heyyy,” Carlos lets out as he sits up straighter and moves closer to TK. “You’re awake.”
“Mhmm,” TK says. “Right before you.”
Carlos rubs his neck to get the knot that was forming there from the unnatural positions he’s been sleeping in the past few days.
“How long was I out?” TK asks.
Carlos rubs his eyes and looks at his watch. “Few minutes,” he says with a warm smile.
TK watched Carlos’ micro expressions as he looked at his watch and knows that’s not true. That and unless Carlos was so tired he fell into a deep sleep in seconds upon entering a room it’s even less likely.
“How did your tests go?” Carlos asks. TK can see the worry already on Carlos’ face.
“They went okay,” TK gives the same smile Carlos just did.
They really have to stop lying to each other.
TK looks down and rubs the back of his head. “I’ll find out results later.”
Carlos nods and grabs TK’s hand. “Did you want me here when you do?” It’s his way of getting permission from TK for knowing his medical information. Now that he’s awake he has the right to want whoever he wants to know.
“I’d like that,” TK says.
He doesn’t mention how they recommended they wait for his father to deliver the news. As pissed as he is at his dad, he at least wants him informed. He knows he won’t retain the information enough to retell it to him, so he opted to wait for his dad, whenever that is. It’ll also save Carlos from the responsibility of having to tell him.
Carlos smiles and leans down to kiss TK’s hand. His fingertips glide on TK knuckles again.
“Where’d you go?” TK asks.
He knows Carlos has a hard time talking to him for now, the whole lover came back from the dead after 3 years thing. So really his question is more of something to fill the silence. It’s not that he’s trying to keep his eyes on where Carlos goes or manipulate him into staying. He hopes Carlos doesn’t feel that way. Though he’s sure Carlos would gladly sit there in silence for hours just staring up at him.
“Talking to my mom. Cell reception in here comes and goes.”
“Oh,” TK nods. “How is she?”
“She’s good. She’s gonna drop my car off later. I left it at the fire station. She doesn’t want it to get towed.”
“When is she doing that?”
“Mmm,” Carlos shrugs. “Next few hours?”
Few hours. TK thinks. He can stay awake that long. He hopes.
“Will she… I mean can I…does she want to see me?” TK asks. He hates how awkward he sounds.
Carlos opens his mouth trying to think of a reason why his mom hasn’t been in there yet when the reason is him.
“I mean unless she doesn’t want to.” TK says when Carlos’ mouth opens and closes without saying a word. He understands. It’s probably very emotional and maybe she’d want to wait till he’s out of the hospital.
“She asks about you every time she calls or messages me.” Carlos gives a small smile.“So every other hour or so.”
“Oh,” TK breathes a sigh of relief.
“I’ve maybe been…hogging you,” Carlos lets out a nervous laugh.
TK is about to make a joke or some comment making light of that but then he sees Carlos’ smile disappear a little. Carlos looks down and TK can see him anxiously picking at the fabric of his shirt.
“Understandable,” TK says as he reaches to grab one of Carlos’ hands again. He grips it best he can and rubs it like Carlos was doing earlier.
“Yeah,” Carlos looks up then back down.
He watches their hands held together by hands he never thought he’d see moving again. He still can’t believe it. He remembers how the very hands that hold his now were the same ones that were the only thing he could touch of TK’s for so long. The least damaged part of his body when he first came in.
Carlos’ mind starts to drift to that day again. How if he stayed home with TK like he was begging nothing would have happened. How maybe if he mentioned something about not liking flowers, that they’re beautiful but die too quickly, TK wouldn’t have gone out for them. How if he got the clues and insisted that all he wants, no, all he needs is TK, just them together. And how he would’ve said yes if he asked him formally or asked him in the middle of the night TK wouldn’t have been there that day trying to surprise him with roses and a ring he never got to wear. They wouldn’t have lost 3 years of their life. TK wouldn’t have this trauma he has to deal with now and the rest of his life. Carlos would still be the same man TK fell in love with, not shadowed by grief of losing him or chronic panic at the idea of losing him again.
Part of him wonders if TK remembers anything, if there was anything to remember. He remembers why he was there, but does he remember the day at all. He hopes to God he doesn't, or if anything just the morning of them together before it all went wrong.
"Hey." Carlos hears and a soft hand shaking his.
Carlos breathes in and blinks his eyes.
“I lost you for a second,” TK says.
“Yeah,” Carlos shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”
“You, okay?”
TK shouldn’t be asking him that, Carlos thinks. It should be the opposite.
“Yeah, yeah,” He gives TK a half convincing smile and touches his cheek. “Let me uh,” he takes out his phone and starts to get up. “Let me give her a call back and let her know she can come up if she wants.”
TK smiles. “You sure?”
“Yeah,” Carlos shrugs. “You up for more visitors?”
TK nods.
“Okay,” Carlos gets up and kisses TK’s forehead. “I’ll be right back.”
Carlos leaves the room glad he told TK about the bad reception so he wouldn’t think he was leaving the room to get away from him or tell his mom things he didn’t want TK knowing. Of course, neither were true. Well maybe partially the getting out of the room but just to get air. He misses his apartment for a split second, at least there he can scream and cry into his pillow without anyone looking at him or scaring people off. He wants to spare TK from some of the sobbing and breakdowns even though he's sure their future will have plenty of them. You don’t just get over something like that in a day or two. But he doesn’t need TK holding him and telling him it’ll be okay when he should be the one doing that for TK.
He hates that he doesn’t know how to navigate this and doesn’t know anyone that will know. Though it’s not like he had time to research from Marjan telling him to getting to the hospital, while also dealing with the shock of it all.
When he walks out though he no longer feels like spiraling.
He’s here now. You got him back.
He can’t change the past or their circumstances. He can only move forward.
He dials his mom. He feels bad when she answers right away and immediately asks what’s wrong. Two calls in one day especially after TK waking up was definitely something to cause fear in her after all they’ve been through.
Carlos quickly apologizes and assures her everything is fine. “I was just wondering if when you dropped the car up you wanted to come see him?”
“Are you sure?” Andrea asks.
“Yeah. He’s been asking about you guys.”
“Oh, mijo. I’d love to. Let me just tell my ride I’m going to be later.”
“Your ride?”
“Well, someone would have to pick me up, no?”
“Right,” Carlos says softly. She’d be car-less, and he has no plans of leaving. It’s why his mom is getting his car in the first place.
“I can leave now. I’ll be there within the hour?” she says.
“Yeah, um okay,” Carlos says.
“You sure you want me there? I can wait. Give you more time,” she offers.
“No. It’s okay. He wants to see you.”
“Yes, but you just got him back and I’m sure TK wouldn’t mind more time alone with you.”
“It’s not just about my feelings anymore. I think he really wants a parent figure in a way too. I don’t know all of what Owen told him, but TK doesn’t seem so happy with him, and I haven’t seen him in the past few days.”
He hears his mom “Hmmm,” on the other line fully knowing she’s judging Owen’s parental methods.
“Okay. But just let me know if you need me to go.”
“Okay,” Carlos says. Though sure she has a strong ability to read his emotions and when he’s overwhelmed by now. She is the only one who he let in this whole time.
They end the call with an estimate of when Andrea will be there and excitement that she can’t wait to see TK.
Carlos goes back to TK’s room and waits. TK’s food comes and he must’ve been starving because he finished the whole bowl of water broth and all of the crackers. Even the extras he managed to charm the nurses into giving him.
At around almost exactly an hour later there’s a knock on TK’s door. Carlos gets up from the chair and lets TK’s hand fall out of his.
Carlos greets his mom, and she pulls him in for a hug.
“He uh fell asleep again,” Carlos looks behind him. “But he said it’d be okay to wake him up.”
“Are you sure?” Andrea asks again.
Carlos’ mouth twitches but he nods. “He’d be upset if I let you go.”
Carlos turns to the bed, holds his mother’s hand, and guides her towards TK. He can feel her stepping in slowly, almost as unsure as he was. She stops at the foot of the bed and Carlos drops her hand. He walks over to TK and softly runs his hands through his hair and to the side of his head. He gently shakes it.
“Hey, babe,” he whispers. “TK.” He glides his hand down TK’s arm and shakes it a little as well. Then moves his hand back up to his head.
He gets scared for a millisecond when there’s no answer, but then watches TK breathe in and let out a groan. He moves his head in Carlos’ hand as he blinks open his eyes.
“Hey, look who came,” Carlos smiles as he breaks eye contact with TK to turn back to his mom.
“Hi, son,” Andrea lets out before she realizes what she said. But she doesn’t take it back. She loves TK like a son, and here he is right in front of her, back from the dead.