Chapter Text
1. Namjoon has terrible vision - he squints.
(´｡• ᵕ •｡`)
It wasn't uncommon for him to happen upon his boyfriend reading. Namjoon adored his books so much that Jungkook has half convinced he'd become one through osmosis, or something. He was endeared by the trait, of course.
There were many things that made him feel found of his boyfriend. Though it ever failed to make him smile so hard that his eyes crinkled whenever he caught sight of his Joonie squinting at a book.
Namjoon had had many pairs of glasses over the course of their relationship. He was prone to breaking and losing them, and usually ended up having a new pair every few months.
Jungkook wasn’t sure what fate had befallen the latest pair, but he didn’t mind. He could fill a thousand sketchbooks with his love’s squinting face. He could jot down every detail of the way his nose scrunched, every way Namjoon’s brow would furrow, and how slit his eyes would be as he tried to see better.
There was just something so cute about the way Namjoon would be squinting at every little thing. Jungkook knew, logically it was a hindrance because he had bad vision, but he couldn’t help the way his heart would throb in his chest.
”Lose your glasses again, jagi?” He asked, smile pulling his lips upwards.
Namjoon raised his brows and squinted in his direction. “Kookie? You’re home already?”
Cute. Fuck - he was so cute.
”I am,” he confirmed, moving forward to plant a kiss on that crinkled forehead. “Where did you last see your specs?”
”Bedside table,” Namjoon answered in a grumble. “I looked for a solid hour before giving up. They’ve gone into the abyss like all the others.”
Jungkook giggled and kissed him again, unable to help himself. "Okay, I'll go take a look with my all seeing eyes and see if I can't unearth them from the void."
"Thank you, I love you."
It was silly how easy those words set off a storm of butterflies in his stomach. Jungkook was so gone for his boyfriend.
He strolled into their bedroom and sunk into a crouch on Namjoon's side of the bed. Sometimes he was able to find the 'vanished' glasses, and other times he was left to scratch his head in utter befuddlement. In a way, searching for missing things had become a kind of scavenger hunt for him. He had always liked flipping through I Spy books as a kid. Having that bit of his childhood follow him into adulthood was kind of refreshing. It gave him something meaningful to hyperfocus on for a bit.
Jungkook hoped that luck would be in his favor that day. He knew that Namjoon had taken a large fondness to his latest pair.
There was no sign of them under the bed or the nightstand. There was no sign of them behind either. He shown his flashlight into all the nooks and crannies by their bed, but found nothing. Then he started methodically taking apart their bedspread. It was only once he lifted the mattress that he found them.
That was another thing that left him baffled at times. When he did manage to find Namjoon's missing specs, they were in the most obscure places that left him wondering how they had ended up there in the first place. How this set - that had allegedly been on the nightstand - ended up beneath their mattress, he'd never know.
Jungkook inspected them for a moment before he set off back to the living room. His heart swelled with mushy sentiments at the sight of his Joonie squinting at his book again.
"Found them!"
Namjoon's narrowed gaze turned to him as his brows shot up. "Really? Where were they?"
He laughed as he handed them over. "Under the mattress - still not sure how you managed that."
There was something to be said in the way that neither of them questioned it too much.
Namjoon heaved a long sigh of content once he had his glasses back on. The tension fell from his shoulders and his brow smoothened out. "Thank you, jagi. You're came through for me yet again."
Jungkook sat on his lap and kissed him. "It's no problem, love. I'm glad I was successful."
He loved Namjoon's squinties, but he was also glad that his boyfriend was able to relax now. One day he needed to catch a picture of his adorable face on his good camera.
"So what have you been reading today?"
"Well-"
2. He does happy flappies when he's super excited about something.
(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ̀
Jungkook had always known he was different than most people. Most people didn't struggle with school quite the way he did. Most people didn't suffer from crippling procrastination like he did. Most people seemed to be able to turn their brain off whenever they wanted, but he couldn't.
It had only been after some intensive research and excessive self reflection that he had stumbled upon the likelihood that he had ADHD. That discovery had led to a multitude of other ones as a domino effect, and had been an eye opening experience.
He had gradually managed to accept that neurodivergence as part of his life. For the first time since he was a child, Jungkook had felt like he was able to live as himself. He even learned some healthy habits to offset some of the byproduct symptoms of his ADHD.
One of the things he'd forever feel grateful for was the fact that he had gotten to learn about the different ways that people perceived the world. He made friends who had autism, BPD, and various other sorts of neurodivergence. He learned to find appreciation in the little things; like offering little tokens of affection to his friends, or sending them songs that made him think of them. He learned that sometimes emotions manifested in physical ways that was known as stimming, and how wonderful it was to see someone express those feelings in a way that was healthy for them.
Jungkook's personal favorite stim was when someone got a case of the happy flappies. To see the moment they got so excited that it manifested in their hands flapping up and down like a little bird warmed his heart like it had been set on a heating pad.
Namjoon - as he had come to learn - often got excited enough for happy flappies to make an appearance.
Sometimes it was as simple as the plot of his current book getting to a point that he couldn't sit still. He'd shoot out of his seat, start pacing with one hand holding the book and the other flapping about. Other times it was Namjoon info dumping about one of his favorite musicians lacing their new song with a deep message that he had spotted and resonated with.
Then, there were times like today, when it was something as simple as getting a new bonsai.
"Kookie! Look at them! They're so dainty and pretty!!"
Jungkook beamed as Namjoon wiggled and bounced in place. His heart thudded loud in his chest at the adorable display. "What kind is this one?"
Namjoon set the tiny tree down and let his hands go wild. "They're a red plum tree! Once they get a little bigger, they'll start blooming every few months with these cute little red flowers. I'm so excited! I love them."
Love made him feel irrational urges at times. In that moment, Jungkook just wanted to offer his boyfriend every single bonsai on the face of the planet if it meant that he'd be treated to such a cute display every time.
"They sound amazing, jagi! What are you gonna name this one?"
Namjoon's face scrunched up with the force of his grin, dimples popping out. "I've named them Baby Plum because they're so cute."
Jungkook complimented the name and did his best to not cry over how precious his love was.
Happy flappies were the best kind of stim.
3. Even when he's mad, he's kind.
(;﹏;)
When living a life where your needs are not met often lead to lots of misunderstandings. Jungkook had always hated creating miscommunicated moments with his parents, because they always took it way too personal. Plus it usually mounted into the two of them having an argument with one another, which led to yelling and other loud sounds.
As such, Jungkook hated all kinds of confrontation. Every kind made him feel like he was back in his childhood and facing down an evening with upset adults skulking around. Childhood trauma was just fantastic in the way it remained an intrusive part of life.
When it came to his trauma response, Jungkook tended to be a mix of freeze and fawn. Whenever it felt like there was going to be conflict brewing, his mind went into overdrive while his body felt stuck in place.
Jungkook had been happy with his choice to start the day with a cup of hot chocolate. Right up until the moment he fumbled with the cup and dropped it on top of one of Namjoon's cherished books that had been left out on the coffee table. Terror had rooted him in place as the pages soaked up the dark brown of his beverage like freshly opened sponge.
"S-Shit!" He dropped to his knees and lunged for the book. Tears formed in his eyes as the poor thing dripped excess liquid back onto the table's surface. Jungkook tried so hard to not think about how special the book was. Yet his mind was consumed with different scenarios that might play out.
They had established a rule to drink half of any given beverage before entering the living room because the both of them were so clumsy. Him being stupid and cocky had thought it would be no big deal to do for once.
Jungkook sobbed as the book slipped from his grasp and back into the puddle of hot chocolate with a sad little splash.
"Kookie? What's going-..." Namjoon froze in the doorway, mouth falling open in surprise.
A fresh wave of fear and anxiety swept over him. Apologize! He needed to apologize and grovel, maybe it would appease his anger somewhat. "J-Joonie I'm so s-sorry!"
The silence was deafening and made every instinct in him flare up at the prospect of potential danger.
His boyfriend said nothing as he grabbed up his book and squeezed it in his hand. It was a vague effort to wring some of the moisture out without sacrificing the integrity of the affected pages. Based on the tiny droplets that fell from it, the effort was in vain.
Jungkook's shaking hands grasped onto the fabric of his pants so tight that his knuckles went pure white. "Mm s-sorr-y J-Joon. I wasn't t-thinkin' and I just d-dropped it."
"That was more than halfway full," Namjoon said, tone firm.
He nodded as more tears poured down his face. "I k-know, I know! I'm s-sorry, so sorry." It felt like his filter had vanished and all that was left were the anxious apologies that kept spilling forth.
Namjoon heaved a long sigh and set the book down onto a corner of the table that wasn't dowsed in spilled drink. "Kookie, take some deep breaths for me."
His lungs felt tight and sore from how hard he had been crying. Jungkook shook his head. "C-Can't, did bad. I f-fucked up. Can't-!"
"Shhh, Koo. I know." Namjoon pulled up one of his hands to place over his chest. "I know. I know that you're sorry. I know that you're scared of the situation. That's okay, but breathing more important than all of that right now. Feel mine? Try and follow those."
It took a solid few minutes for him to wrestle his breathing into something more controlled. Jungkook wasn't sure that he could have managed to do so if his love hadn't been there as a grounding source of comfort.
Once the situation had transitioned into something more calm, they began a conversation.
"I'm upset that this happened, but I'm not going to yell at you," Namjoon told him. "I can see how sorry you are for what happened, and I understand that these things happen."
Jungkook ducked his head and did his best to hide but his boyfriend wouldn't quite let him.
Namjoon planted soft kisses on his forehead and cheeks as he spoke. "While it was an important book for me, it doesn't mean that I find it more important than you. This is just a material thing, it can be replaced if need be."
"B-But we have that rule..." He tried.
"We do. But we both know that we've broken it a few times when we just wanted to sit and get comfy. I can't fault you for that."
He still felt terrible over disregarding their rule, though. That was almost as crushing as the fear he felt over an angry outburst.
Namjoon huffed out a laugh after a moment. "It's safe to say that now I will always think of you whenever I hold that book. Was that your plan, love? Did you just want to cement yourself in my thoughts? You didn't have to use such dramatic means."
Jungkook whined and buried his face into the other's chest. "Joonie..."
His boyfriend chuckled and kissed the top of his head. "It's alright babe. I'm a little upset but all is forgiven."
He raised his head after some deliberation. "P-Promise?"
"Yes, jagi. I promise you."
Kindness amidst anger - what a novel concept.
4. Joonie is good at validating feelings.
(˵¯͒〰¯͒˵)
"You're just being too sensitive. Man up, Jungkook."
"I don't know why you're taking it so personally, it's just an observation."
"You need to shape up! I can't hold your hand through every moment of your life."
"Why can't you do this one simple task for me?"
They were all things he had heard at one point or another while growing up. They were thoughtless words spoken by anxious parents that would never understand him and the struggles he faced on a regular basis.
Jungkook often wished that he could have the chance to phase through time and tell his younger self that everything would be alright, and that he would find people who understood him just as he was. To have learned that he wasn't alone, during a time in his life where it felt like everyone was against him, would have been life changing.
Yet the past was set into stone. As Namjoon liked to say: "The past is like walking through the snow and looking behind you to see the prints you've left behind. You can't go back and retake the steps. More snow will fall to fill in some of the holes left behind, but there's no changing the path you walked."
Still, it would've been nice to be able to offer some comfort to his younger self.
It had been a tough learning process to switch his desires from longing into positive action. Instead of longing for a time far past, he looked to the future and tried his best to be a source of comfort for younger generations. Once he had gotten his official ADHD diagnosis, he had taken it around with him like an ID badge. He had visited a few support groups, had spoken at a conference or two, and had tried his best to inform those around him about his life.
Yet even with all of those years of hard work, Jungkook had low periods that dragged him back to his pre-diagnosis struggles. He'd receive an unfavorable review and fall into a pit of self doubt and uncertainty. He'd be told he was faking his life and that he should shape up and stop lying to himself and others. He'd look forward to a snack all day, only to find that it wasn't in stock and then feel like the day had been a waste. He'd have important things on the agenda, but lay on the couch in paralyzing inaction.
Living with ADHD was so much more of a struggle than neurotypical people could wrap their heads around.
Which is why Namjoon had always been different - he understood in his own way.
Their first meeting had been when Jungkook was in a breakdown over missing a work deadline that had been vital. He had pushed it off for too long and been left to face the result of his procrastination in the form of a disappointed boss who laid down the line in that firm way he tended to do when he was mad.
Jungkook had been swimming in guilt and shame for hours after. The feeling had only mounted into a full on breakdown when he had dropped a comfort cup of hot chocolate and made a stain on the break room carpeting. He had frozen up in that moment.
Then Namjoon had rolled in and rescued him from his own fawn response with gentle words and a guiding hand.
Jungkook had been emotionally attached to him ever since. To him, Namjoon was a calm shore in the midst of an ocean storm. He was steady and unrelenting despite writhing waters. He was a sign of safety in the midst of so much turmoil.
Even on his lowest days, Namjoon understood him in a way no one else had ever managed to.
That particular day had been rife with anxiety. He had gone for a conference that was meant for neurotypical parents, in an effort to build understanding and kindness in regards to their neurodivergent children. It had gone alright for the most part. Then he had hung around for questions and feedback, and been overwhelmed by the doubtful responses from people that reminded him far too much of his parents. His rejection sensitivity had been cranked to max the entire day. So their concerns and skepticism had just been the nail in the coffin.
Jungkook had curled up on their big living room bean bag under the softest blanket in the house once he had gotten home. He had been intent on hiding from the world for the rest of the day. He had succeeded until his love had come home from running errands.
Namjoon had announced his presence upon getting through the door.
Yet he hadn't found it in him to offer up a response. All of his energy had vanished the second he had settled into the cushion.
His boyfriend had put up all of the grocery purchases and hummed to himself while he moved around the apartment. The sounds were comforting in their own way.
Namjoon had eventually come into the living room and patted his leg through the blanket. "You don't have to talk, Koo, but I wanted to tell you about some of the things I saw while I was out if you're okay to listen?"
Jungkook managed to offer a grunt of interest at that.
"So first of all: the mean duck that haunts the grocery parking lot seems to be protecting a nest. Which validates so much of their feisty behavior. I too would be chasing people away from my nest if I had one. That's their right as a parent to be y'know? Anyways, while that was going on, I happened to notice an old lady-"
He let his mind fall quiet as he listened to Namjoon ramble. It was something his love tended to do when he fell into nonverbal spells, as a way to involve him in his day and to fill the silence that he knew grated on Jungkook's mind.
It was just so thoughtful in more ways than one.
Their evening progressed in much the same way. Jungkook listened while Namjoon puttered about and rambled about anything and everything that crossed his mind. It was only once he had worked up enough energy to explain what had happened at the end of the conference that Namjoon fell quiet.
Jungkook had explained every bit of his hurt, and how small it had made him feel to be questioned about something he lived every day with. He spoke about how the response had taken him back to living with his parents and how much they had neglected his needs. Then he had expressed the guilt he felt over comparing these strangers to his parents - who were rather terrible people - after only having that singular interaction with them.
Namjoon had waited for him to pour it all out before he tried to respond.
"So I'm gonna try and explain this from my perspective and then we'll walk through why I think you don't need to feel bad at all for thinking that of them. Okay?"
He nodded. His boyfriend had a way of explaining things that made sense to him. Wording things in their own way and saying it back to one another was one of the ways they had learned to communicate at an early point in the relationship. It helped them avoid misunderstandings by doing so.
Namjoon offered his hands out, smiling when their fingers twined together. "Okay, so this is how things look to me. You went and informed these people that their kids are actually different from how they thought. You gave them advice on how to help their kids and ensure that they flourish despite the obstacles formed from their communication styles. Yet instead of thanking you and taking the advice to heart, they instead got defensive and went on the attack and tried to gaslight you straight into an imposter syndrome episode."
Jungkook winced as every detail was tacked on. From an alternative perspective, it really did sound bad.
"Then," his boyfriend added in a soft tone, "instead of being defensive yourself for being personally attacked, you worry that you're judging them too harshly when they gave you that exact treatment. My love... they are not worthy of your concern. They showed more of their true colors than they probably intended by being mean to you."
He felt ready to melt into the floor as relief filled him. The guilt fell away somewhat. If their roles had been reversed, Jungkook had no doubt that he'd be up in arms to defend Namjoon.
A large palm cupped his cheek and made his face feel warm. "Jagi, you are far too good for the average people in this world. Your empathetic heart is a beautiful thing, but those people don't deserve to be on the receiving end of such kindness. Not this time."
And just like that, everything he had been harboring in him since he had gotten home felt valid. Jungkook peeked up at his boyfriend with a small smile. "Thank you, Joonie."
Namjoon returned the expression, kissing his nose in wordless reply. "Always. You wanna go to a park and look for pretty rocks to add to your box?"
"Yes please!"
5. When he loves, it feels like living in a poem.
(ꈍᴗꈍ)
Love languages were a tricky thing to distinguish for him. Jungkook figured it should be more cut and dry which ones he communicated through and which ones he didn't, but it felt as though that sort of thing bounced around for him. Sometimes all he wanted to do was sit and receive bone deep cuddles that planted him firmly back on earth. Other times he loved from a distance and tried to do chores and other acts to show silent loving that way.
The only type of love that seemed consistent was the fact that penguin pebbling was something he loved to do with all of his heart. Just offering little trinkets and pretty rocks to those he held dear. That was easily his favorite way to show love.
One of the things he had learned over the course of their relationship, was that Namjoon tended to use a bizarre mixture of every possible method to love him.
Sometimes Namjoon would get home late with an entire basket of goodies for him alongside flowers or some other romantic offering. Sometimes he'd put his meager cooking skills to work so that Jungkook wouldn't have to think about it. Sometimes he'd do the chores with a written note assuring him that he had time and had wanted to do them. Sometimes he engaged in more neurodivergent coded languages - like penguin pebbling and info dumping, or parallel play.
When they had been in the early stages of loving one another, Jungkook had felt overwhelmed by the vast amount of ways Namjoon showed it to him. It had made him feel so much in a short window of time. He'd been scared that it was too much or too fast. It had only been with time and familiarity that he had managed to settle into the unique rhythm their relationship bore.
He got used to the random change up in how Namjoon would show him love. Or... as much as he could.
There was just something so magical about being loved by someone that could love him in so many different ways. There was something precious in the way Namjoon researched sonnets for three weeks just so that he could write him one in proper prose. It was something out of a fairy tale the way that Namjoon would stop and look at him with the softest gaze that oozed affection and fondness.
He had a small book full of poems that his boyfriend had written for him over the years. Words so full of beautiful metaphors that Jungkook couldn't quite believe they were meant for him.
One such entry had gone like this:
Soft eyes that hold a galaxy of stars,
Gentle heart with a lifetime of love.
Loving memories to fill up my memoir.
Loving you is what dreams are made of.
Soft hands that cradle mine so full of care,
Gentle smile that fills my heart with joy.
Loving reflection of the two of us as a pair.
Loving you makes me feel like the luckiest boy.
Soft touches that fill my chest with unbridled glee,
Gentle words that soothe away my mental aches.
Loving spirit of yours, so joyous and carefree.
Loving you as my own is my personal keepsake.
Jungkook wished that he had the words to show Namjoon how much he meant to him too. There were so many things he wished to express but they all got tangled in his head and led to a stuttering mess of a delivery. Which was part of the reason he worked so hard to express those unspoken words in the the ways he knew best.
In many ways, being in love with Kim Namjoon felt like he was living in romance novel where the lead character wrote heart aching poems describing their love but never shared a single one. Every moment of bonding between them was charged with its own special magic. Every kiss sent shivers down his spine.
There was just something very special about their love story, and it was one Jungkook intended to live out for the rest of his life.
+1 Namjoon makes me feel like all of my dreams can come true.
(✿˵•́ ᴗ •̀˵)
Jungkook blinked down at his phone when it showed an incoming call from his boyfriend. He answered it after another ring. "Joonie?"
"Hey jagi!" Namjoon called. "So uhh I need you to not freak out when I get home? I had this day planned for awhile but it came up sooner than I thought I would."
"...Okay? Is this a bad coded thing or good coded thing?" He tried to ignore the swell of nerves in his gut. Would this count as a surprise? He felt surprised to say the least.
"Good, definitely good," Namjoon said in a rush. "I just uhhh... I dunno. It'll be unexpected I think? I hope you'll be excited though."
Jungkook huffed a laugh that was equal parts relieved and humored. "Okay babe. I can try and be excited. When are you gonna be home?"
"In approximately a minute? I'm in the parking garage actually. I just got nervous."
He busted out into giggles at that. "Then come home already. I'll wait for you."
"Okay! See you in a sec!!"
Jungkook hung up and moved to the door as anticipation rose up in his gut. Namjoon tended to get too excited for things before he could spring an actual surprise. So this was kind of a novel experience for him. He couldn't help but wonder what it could be.
Namjoon appeared shortly after holding a mysterious blanket bundle to his chest. His dimples were out in full force with his eyes crinkled into delighted half moons. "Hi baby."
He wanted to melt into the floor. "Hi," he answered. "Whatcha got there?"
"A surprise that I think you're gonna love a lot."
He went to ask more when a soft whine broke into the air. Jungkook froze, eyes darting down to blanket bundle. "What-...?"
Namjoon shifted the blanket enough to reveal a tiny head with the biggest eyes he had ever seen.
It was a tiny Doberman pincher, Jungkook could recognize one from anywhere. It was his dream dog. It was something he had always dreamed of having for himself but the opportunity had always felt out of reach to him.
"J-Joonie is t-that..?"
That grin widened ever further if it were possible. "Come meet our new puppy, Koo."
"Oh my god," he breathed in a rush. Jungkook stumbled forward and raised a slow hand to the pup's nose that it could sniff him. "J-Joon, oh my god. I love you so fucking much."
Namjoon answered him with a gentle kiss to his cheek. "I love you too. Wanna name him?"
"Bam," he said without any hesitation. "He can be our lil Bammie baby." Tears poured down his cheeks as he stroked over the pup's soft fur.
"It's perfect. I love that."
It was such a wonder the way that Namjoon made his dreams feel like they were within arm's reach. He had never imagined that it would be possible for him to get his dream job, or get his dream dog, or meet his dream partner; and yet Namjoon seemed to be on a mission to check off every single box on the list.
Jungkook had never felt so much in love as he did in that moment.
"Thank you, jagi lovely."
Namjoon could only chuckle as he leaned in to kiss him again.