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The first time she brushes up against the sofa in that way is a shock to the system. A very pleasant shock. She feels it skitter up her spine and tingle under her skin. The house is empty and she knows nobody will be home for a while so it makes sense to keep going, to see just how far she can take it. She’s an educated young woman, after all. It’d be a disservice to herself not to explore this feeling. And what a feeling it is.
She wouldn’t say she’s addicted, but she’ll admit to herself that she gets excited at the mere thought of having the house to herself for a prolonged period of time. As soon as she’s alone, she can settle on the sofa, find the right angle and chase the high she knows she can get. It’s more reliable than anything she can do with her fingers under the covers at night. The empty house also means she can be as loud as she likes, she can gasp and pant and groan when she finally feels the release she’s built up to.
She doesn’t think it’s that noticeable. She isn’t stupid, she tries to make sure she uses different parts of the sofa so that the wear is even across it.
When her mother announces a year later she needs everything reupholstering, she’s not sure her blaming of the non-existent dog is believed. But Deborah Welton just looks at her daughter, nods and goes back to looking at fabric samples with a comment about wanting to find something that’s the right combination of ‘soft yet hard-wearing’.
~
When she starts dating, Rebecca realises that the masculine ego is a fragile thing and that sometimes it is easier to acquiesce. She gets good at reading a situation, learns that some men do seem to like it when she climbs on top of them in nothing but some expensive lingerie and rubs herself against them. They get impatient though, pushing her back so they can chase their own release before she’s fully built herself up. She likes sex, likes good sex, but sometimes when she’s alone in her apartment she finds she gets more satisfaction out of her own couch (any wear hidden from visitors under throw blankets) than she does when there’s a man thrusting into her.
~
“Being married is great,” Sassy says dreamily, “to have someone who is all yours and who you have a whole lifetime of experimentation with. God, I’m already thinking about what me and Darren are going to do tonight.”
Rebecca smiles, happy for her friend and quietly hoping she’ll find someone she wants to marry soon. Someone she trusts enough to share her desires with, who will listen to her and respect her and share his wants in return.
~
She doesn’t try anything with Rupert right away. He’s older and more experienced and makes her feel so unbelievably special that she feels satisfied, desirable and blessed that he wanted her out of everyone in the world. Their chemistry crackles and she wonders at how sweetly he whispers in her ear, how generously he gives feedback and tells her what to do, how to be better. She never really had any guidance growing up, has had to fumble her way to this point. Rupert is a man of the world, has been married before. He knows what he’s doing and she’s excited that one day their passion might lead to her having a baby. Sassy’s had Nora and Rebecca adores her, wants a child of her own. Hopes the time will come soon.
For their first anniversary, Rebecca puts on her best lingerie and lets Rupert undress her. He traces the lace and she smiles when he pats his lap. As soon as she makes contact the temptation is there, and she decides to follow through on it. He’s her husband and it’s their anniversary, and he’s the one who initiated it. She feels happiness bubble through her as she starts to shift on his thigh, humming with arousal. She’s barely started before he’s pushing her back onto the bed.
“What do you think you’re doing, darling?” He says, looking down at her. “You’re not a dog.”
She fakes her orgasm that night, shame curling so tightly in her chest she has no hope of seeking any pleasure for herself.
From then on, she gets very good at pushing down any urges she has.
~
Of course it’s Ted who causes her to let her guard down. She’s managed years without giving in, has found pleasure in the arms of multiple men and never fallen into the temptation of her old ways. And yet she finds herself on a lazy Friday morning waking up tangled around Ted, the man she’s somehow managed to win the heart of, and forgetting her self-imposed rule against this sort of intimacy. Sex with Ted is fun, it’s pleasurable, it’s quite frankly the best she’s ever had. And she’s told herself she’s not going to ruin what they have by asking for something he might not be willing to give.
And yet here she is, waking up to find his thigh has crept between hers during the night and is pressed perfectly against her. In her half-asleep state, she doesn’t have the wherewithal to stop herself from slowly rubbing herself along his thigh. And it feels exquisite. She can already feel heat pooling in her belly as she cants her hips slightly, aiming to get a better angle to intensify the pleasure. She has no idea how long she spends doing it before his voice interrupts her.
“Oh, you like that do you?” His voice is deeper with sleep and she nods, hissing a quiet yes as her hips unconsciously pick up speed. He hums and his hands find her hips as he presses his thigh more firmly against her, causing her to gasp loudly. He murmurs encouragements, supporting her movements as she works herself higher and higher. And when she snaps, hips jerking and breathing heavily, he smiles at her, a lovestruck expression on his face.
“Now that was a wake up and a half, good mornin’, darlin’.”
The way he kisses her makes her forget any worries she had about this, his love drowning out the voice of Rupert in her head calling her randy for wanting this.
~
Over time, Rebecca grows more confident in sharing her wants during sex. She might not be married to him (though she increasingly finds herself re-evaluating her thoughts on marriage, now she’s got Ted) but her relationship with Ted feels real and authentic in a way nothing else ever has. She’s never laughed so much in bed, never felt so desirable whilst desiring the other person so much. There’s no ego, no agenda, no need to pretend to be having a nice time to make the other party happy. If something isn’t working, they trust one another enough to say so, or to say no if they’re not feeling up for anything at any particular time. Rebecca now realises that maybe it wasn’t her that was doing something wrong, maybe it was her previous partners who were the problem.
~
And when one afternoon finds her on Ted’s lap on the sofa, her arms around his neck and his moustache and teeth scraping along her throat as she rocks against him, the combination of the slight pressing of his hips and the lace of her knickers pushing her towards her release rapidly, it’s no wonder she doesn’t hear the door until Deborah Welton’s voice breaks them apart.
“If only you’d met Ted decades ago, Sausage. It’d have saved me a fortune in upholstery bills.”