Chapter Text
Itachi was pregnant. This presented several problems in Itachi's already too complicated life.
One. Most people were not aware that Itachi could become pregnant, because most people were under a general misapprehension on the nature of his genitalia. He liked it that way, and had a strong feeling he would not like it otherwise for a variety of reasons ranging from belligerent misgendering, to aggressive sexual harassment, and sexist disrespect. Being a 16 year old boy, missing nin, genocidal, kinslaying, mass murderer was already hard, and he hardly wanted to find out how much harder it would be if or when his transness was found out and publicized. He'd live. But like so much of the bullshit of his life, he would not like it.
Counter One: He was a genjutsu specialist the likes of which was largely unmatched in the 5 nations. A large baggy cloak, a heavy emphasis on long distance no contact genjutsu take down fighting, and general avoidance of people, and he could probably keep the people who found out to the single digits--and kill them as needed.
Two. As a pregnant person--and eventual birthing person, he needed to finagle access to medical care that he, as a missing nin and renowned mass murderer, generally could not finagle.
Counter Two: Itachi had an idea of what he needed to do. Healthcare in the elemental nations is spread across the lands largely via the non-combat ready medical corps. The best chakra based physicians remain in hidden villages as highly reputable and valuable assets, while sloppier, less miraculous, medics are dispersed throughout the nations on a pay for value system. The daimyo and the other rich important people can afford quality, and so they are deployed quality. Backwater towns might be lucky to get a practitioner capable of even the mystical palm. Regardless, they'd all be trained under the shinobi banner, and would be equipped with bingo books and the knowledge that he was not to be allowed to roam free unreported. Ideally, he'd find someone who believed in medical privacy more than they believed in reporting him to their hidden village. He'd settle for someone who believed in not getting gruesomely tortured and murdered for the petty and unnecessary revelation of his secrets.
Three. He would prefer to request time off missions, as he did not want to lose the fetus to stabbing, blunt force trauma, chakra exhaustion, stress, or malnutrition, however, as stated, the other members of the Akatsuki were not to be trusted. Orochimaru already eyes Itachi in a way that makes him distinctly uncomfortable and the awareness that the man is infamous for grotesque inhumane kekkai genkai research on infants and children distinctly does not help this situation. Then there's Sasori, who admittedly would probably not steal Itachi's baby to make an infant corpse puppet but Itachi would not rule it out as a threat, especially as Itachi personally considered the creep factor alone would render many shinobi sufficiently off balance to eliminate with ease. Then Pein who appears to be a chakra controlled corpse, other perversions and depravities unknown. Kakuza who would absolutely sell Itachi's child to the highest bidder given the now high market demand for anything Sharingan and Uchiha that can't defend itself. And not to mention whatever other freaks and murderers the Akatsuki may collect in the coming years. His own partner Kisame and the distant co-leader Konan strike Itachi as least threat as they appear generally kind and straightforward. Kisame, Itachi is fairly sure, does not actually eat babies, and Konan would never think to harm one herself. Neither would step in to save one against orders either. Itachi would not either, demonstrably via his own kinsmen kill count, but it's different when its his. It's different when it's Sasuke, and now also when it's his fetus.
Counter Three: Obviously, he could not let on to any of these psychopaths that he would soon have an infant of his own flesh and blood. This would just be genjutsu infiltration and espionage but up another level. And he'd torture, threaten, and murder anyone he needed to to keep it safe. All he needed to do was be both untouchable and unknowable with a secret fetus and later, secret baby.
Four. Once he'd birthed the little thing, he'd have an infant to raise and protect. A toddler. A child. A teen. He would need to protect it constantly and for the rest of his life.
Counter Four: He'd need a backstory and parental back up. He'd request reinforcements from Konoha, but, he needed to keep the existence of the baby a secret from Konoha more than even Akatsuki. Danzo would kill to get his evil, filthy hands on Itachi's baby. Danzo would rain rivers of blood to get Itachi's baby. The man certainly knew the value of a good hostage. Itachi was fairly certain that if it came to that, he'd snap for real. Danzo would either die or he'd topple the 5 nations into international war and ruin. Best to keep the little one a secret, pretend to pick him up from some natural disaster somewhere. He'd act annoyed about it, pretend to not have expected a baby. He'd claim that he wanted to train it from infancy to prove how pathetic his little brother is in comparison, to show Sasuke how much further he needed to improve and that his age was no excuse.
Five. The suicide by little brother plan, was officially a no go. He did not have plans built in for the safety and security of both Sasuke and his unborn child, which meant he'd have to be alive to protect his progeny himself, for at least 15 years, unless the child was an exceptional prodigy, however long it took for both it and Sasuke to become s-rank level shinobi with no ill will towards each other....
Counter Five: He'd have to live, possibly indefinitely. He could die at earliest when he was 30. And then his kid could have a kid, and then he'd have to not die for another 15 years... It was endless. No. His grandkids would be his kid's problem. He refused. Itachi was an immediate family and immediate family only kind of sap. He was effective because he was focused, and he would not split himself further. He'd teach his kid to be strong enough to protect his own progeny and leave Itachi out of it.