Chapter Text
i
Post-Nut clarity always hits the hardest when it comes after the last dredges of Beomgyu’s heat ebb away. He lays there quietly, taking shallow breaths to minimize how much of the deep, strong scent in his sheets that belongs to the alpha whose name he can’t remember. Through the ache in his bones and the satisfaction curled deep in his belly, Beomgyu has the startling realization that he would rather sprain his wrist shoving a silicone dick up his ass for a week straight than allow another irritating, overconfident alpha touch him again.
Beomgyu also realizes that the dick he’d been begging for six hours ago wasn’t actually worth his begging, so why the hell had he done that? At best, that dick deserved a polite request. Beomgyu was pretty enough though that the alpha should have been the one begging to fuck Beomgyu. He should have been tripping over his own feet to please him.
Why the fuck had it been Beomgyu that had been begging for the blandest, most textbook fuck he’s had in months?
As soon as Beomgyu is no longer sensitive enough that a breeze could make his legs shake, Beomgyu is going to drag his ass to the nearest sex shop and empty out whatever is in his savings on the first sex toy with high reviews he can get his grubby little hands on. Anything to save him the trouble of having to fake an orgasm in the middle of his own heat.
And then, and then, the cherry on top of this shit show: the alpha hadn’t pulled out of Beomgyu quickly enough to avoid knotting him. He’d lingered and Beomgyu had felt the beginning of the worst twenty minutes of his life when the alpha had started apologizing uncomfortably about the swell at the base of his dick.
Does the universe hate him? Beomgyu has to wonder if Soobin has ever had to deal with this kind of mortifying humiliation. Has Soobin ever woken up in his bed, come dripping down his thighs, shaking with rage at the memory of the, frankly, uncomfortable cuddle session Beomgyu had ever engaged in. Beomgyu had given stilted replies when the alpha had made odd attempts at talking.
Twenty minutes. It took twenty minutes for the alpha’s knot to go down. Twenty minutes of Beomgyu being spooned by a sweaty body that was growing less and less appealing now that the horny-tinted glasses are wearing off, and pretending to give a shit about how much the alpha had enjoyed himself.
No, Soobin probably doesn’t. Soobin probably bats his sweet little eyelashes and gives that sweet, shy little expression and he gets everything he wants. Soobin has likely never been accidentally knotted. Soobin knows what he wants and he can be cute long enough for any alpha to ignore the sharpness of his tongue and the uncompromising demands he makes. Beomgyu loves Soobin, adores him even, but sometimes Soobin pisses him off so much when he uses those same doe eyes to pretend he isn’t an evil fucking mastermind.
And then there’s Beomgyu, who is strikingly pretty and charming until he opens his mouth longer than five minutes, according to five different drunk people Beomgyu cornered to ask why nobody was lining up to date him.
Beomgyu is kind of a lot, apparently.
“You’re fine.” Yeonjun insisted the last time Beomgyu had gone over to complain over a fine dining assortment of fried chicken, tteobokki from a street-vendor that Beomgyu swears is better than anything he’d ever had in restaurants, and a half finished strawberry juice. Yeonjun had pat Beomgyu’s head a little too hard as he spoke, proof that he wasn’t as sober as he kept claiming to be. Considering Yeonjun had singlehandedly finished a third of the alcohol they had bought together. “No, shut up. You’re fine. You’re not a lot. They’re trying to convince you to settle, which you absolutely should not do. If they’re worth your time, they’ll ask how high before you can even say jump.”
“But hyung!” Beomgyu’s whine dragged out the syllables for longer than necessary. He’d flopped over onto the sofa with his loose limbs, his words muffled into the cushions while Yeonjun’s hand had switched to rubbing uncoordinated circles into Beomgyu’s back. “That’s so stupid! Nobody is going to do that for me.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because I’m annoying.” Yeonjun made an affronted sound at Beomgyu’s response. Beomgyu rushed ahead before he could be comforted, because he was two soju bottles in and he was a sad and horny drunk. At that moment, he’d been too sad to want to fuck anyone. “You know it’s true! You’re always telling me, ‘Beomgyu, you’re so annoying! Stop stealing my ice-cream just to throw it away!’”
The evidence was rock solid, Beomgyu had thought, but Drunk-Yeonjun couldn’t fucking read, and he was somehow clinger than Sober Yeonjun. He’d plastered himself to Beomgyu for the rest of the evening, insisting that Beomgyu wasn’t actually annoying, and that one day someone would be so down-bad for Beomgyu they would be crawling at his feet for his affection. When that day came, Yeonjun insisted, Beomgyu would remember the wise words of his favorite Yeonjun-hyung.
All Beomgyu feels is a simmering annoyance at falling for Yeonjun’s optimistic bullshit. His favorite Yeonjun-hyung with his stupid pretty face and his stupider lecture on how celibacy isn’t the solution to Beomgyu’s relationship issues.
Beomgyu takes a deep breath, immediately regretting it when he’s basically sucker-punched by the concentrated smell of pine needles, mint, and sweat. Beomgyu rolls onto his back, covering the bottom half of his face with his hand to block out the scent. The alpha is cleaning off all the drying cum in Beomgyu’s shower; he slipped away shortly after his knot had died down, leaving Beomgyu sticky, sweaty, and irritated.
Would Beomgyu be the asshole if he goes into the kitchen and runs the hot water tap to kick the alpha out of his apartment faster?
It’s too far of a walk, Beomgyu decides warily. The alpha can enjoy the hot shower for now.
Beomgyu sits up, sighs, and goes through the process of wiping himself down with a rag and some wet-wipes he keeps nearby, and swiftly pulling on the softest, largest cotton t-shirt he owns, and some underwear. Then, he settles in the center of his bed with his phone that he hasn’t picked up in several days, and sends out his customary “I lived and I’m not happy about it” text to the groupchat. He responds to the other messages that have been blowing up his phone, too, and methodically checks through his socials.
Taehyun apparently dyed his hair—he’s blond now, and it suits him better than Beomgyu thought it would. Beomgyu likes the photo, comments something appropriately unhinged underneath the post that Taehyun will hopefully be mortified to see, and proceeds to doom-scroll. Soobin has posted another picture of Odi, and even a video of the little hedgehog eating some mealworms. Heuningkai has posted another selfie in his plushie-filled bed, this time hugging a little stuffed Gengar plush to his face.
That’s how the alpha finds him when he returns to the room with one of Beomgyu’s fluffiest towels wrapped around his waist, and using another one to dry his hair. His easy footsteps falter when he catches sight of Beomgyu and how he is conspicuously not lying in a boneless heap on the mattress like he had left him.
“I didn’t think you’d be up so soon.” The alpha relaxes.
Beomgyu doesn’t bother looking up from his phone. He responds to Kai’s sweet message checking in on him and asking if he needs anything to eat. God, Beomgyu loves Kai. He’s the embodiment of a sweet, loving, good dongsaeng. “You can go now.”
Beomgyu sometimes likes to pretend he’s in a movie as the charming and mischievous protagonist that everyone in the audience is rooting for. He plays into his little delusions with his curated Spotify playlists, sometimes humming the songs under his breath as they correlate to whatever is going on in his life.
In Beomgyu’s movie, this would be the moment that the opening credit music would screech to a halt, possibly with the comedic record scratch and a proper narration of the way the alpha has gone slack-jawed as he faces Beomgyu’s attitude.
“I’m sorry?” The alpha stammers. “What—”
“Apology accepted.” Beomgyu texts Kai that he would love some food and company if he’s offering, but to give him a couple of hours to air out the apartment and make himself presentable first. “You can make it up to me by leaving.” Then, Beomgyu remembers that he wasn’t raised by wolves and his parents have drilled some manners into him, so he smiles angelically at the confused alpha and bows politely. “Thank you for helping me this week. I have some things to do now, though.”
The stunned alpha gapes at Beomgyu rather unattractively. What was his name again? The gap in Beomgyu’s memory is starting to annoy him, because he’s sure that he was told the alpha’s name at some point over the week. Beomgyu distinctly remembers using a name somewhere between the second wave of his heat and the fourth, but for the life of him, he cannot remember what name he was using.
Maybe the alpha had an ugly name and the gap in his memory is Beomgyu’s way of protecting him?
“Uh…sure.” The alpha starts to gather his shit together, spinning in a circle to search for his pants which Beomgyu helpfully points to tossed over Beomgyu’s desk chair.
Beomgyu goes back to answering texts as the alpha meanders around his room gathering up clothes, keys, belongings, and any other things of his that he had brought for his stay with Beomgyu. The entire time, Beomgyu has kept the alpha serenaded with the sound of his keyboard clicking with every text he sends.
It’s a tactic Beomgyu has picked up from Yeonjun. Beomgyu’s phone usually is exclusively on vibrate only, so his keyboard is normally as mute as his notifications. However, notifications make people uneasy, the effect doubled when a person can hear typing going on and not know what’s being said. It’s the same effect as walking down a hallway and hearing some people snickering with their friends from behind you. Yeonjun has used this specific mental trick on Beomgyu enough times that Beomgyu’s fight or flight is almost activated at the sound of his own texting, so he knows that it’s working like a charm on the alpha.
Just to be a little mean, Beomgyu makes himself huff like he’s stifling laughter, and then type every time he hears the alpha pause or get confused.
The alpha hustles to get out of Beomgyu’s judgement filled room.
Beomgyu demonstrates his impeccable manners and walks the alpha to the front door. The alpha with the possibly hideous name pauses there and leans over for a goodbye kiss that Beomgyu turns his cheek to, repressing the urge toll his eyes when the alpha’s lips peck his cheek.
Right as Beomgyu starts closing the door in his face, the alpha asks hopefully, “I’ll text you?”
Beomgyu beams brightly, his prettiest smile that he knows makes his face look sweeter and his eyes brighter. “Don’t.”
Beomgyu slams the door shut and proceeds to doom scroll TikTok with his volume all the way up, laughing at a funny video he immediately sends to the group chat.
ii
“You did not.” Taehyun’s eyes are wide with unmasked shock, comical horror, and amusement. It’s an interesting blend of emotions Beomgyu inspires in people often. “Hyung, you did not actually do that.”
Taehyun has these really big, beautiful expressive eyes. Beomgyu loves them. He can read everything his friend is thinking in those eyes, despite how reserved Taehyun is otherwise. That’s not to say that Taehyun isn’t emotive, but he tends to be a little more reserved at first until he’s coaxed out of his shell.
Beomgyu likes seeing those sweet little boba eyes fill with dread whenever he cackles and opens his mouth. It really motivates Beomgyu to live his best life when he has quality reactions like that to look forward to.
Heuningkai is in a similar state of shock as Taehyun. Listening to Beomgyu’s recount of his heat had gone well, and they had been quietly supportive as they always were, until Soobin had asked when the guy had finally left. Heuningkai and Taehyun had given their best impressions of a goldfish when they heard Beomgyu’s offhanded recount of how he walked the alpha out.
Soobin handles Beomgyu’s story with more grace but with twice the amusement. It just proves that a sweet face is not indicative of a sweet personality. That to say that Soobin wasn’t a sweetheart, because Soobin is one of the nicest people Beomgyu has ever met, but he is Beomgyu’s best friend, and that fact alone should expose the devious streak that runs a mile wide in him. Without Soobin’s enabling ways, half of Beomgyu’s antics wouldn’t have been possible.
People always seem to forget that when they meet Soobin, though. It’s those dimples, he swears.
Yeonjun, on the other hand, is doubled over in hysterics that have progressively gotten worse the more Beomgyu spoke, elaborating just how kindly he had escorted his hookup to the door. He’d already started wheezing, falling off the couch to where he is now pathetically rolled over on his side, clutching his phone to his chest like it’s his last lifeline against Beomgyu’s story. He doesn’t really think his story was that funny, but Yeonjun is weird.
“That was so mean.” Soobin says with a pout, but his eyes are viciously amused so Beomgyu doesn’t take anything he says seriously. “Gyu, why?”
“He was going to linger!” Beomgyu insists, feeling a little targeted honestly. “It’s not like I was rude to him!”
“You kicked him to the curb.” Kai points out helpfully in that sweet little way of his that fooled Beomgyu into thinking Kai didn’t have a mischievous bone in his body (that was a lie—Kai’s entire skeleton is full of mischief.)
“That’s not true!” He cries. “I politely escorted him there!”
This sets off Yeonjun into another fit of hysteria and even Taehyun starts giggling a little.
“Still.” Soobin laughs. “You could’ve been a little nicer about kicking him out. You’re making me feel bad for the guy. I bet he was so shocked when he met your bitchy attitude.”
“First of all—” Beomgyu starts.
“Don’t listen to him, Gyu.” Yeonjun gasps from the floor, abruptly sitting up with a broad smile that’s too manic to comfort anyone in the room. “You were so polite. Honestly, you couldn’t have been nicer if you tried. You told him where his pants were and everything!”
Beomgyu feels himself beginning to smile broadly. “And I let him use my shower.”
“And you let him use your shower.” Echoes Yeonjun with a decisive not at Beomgyu, then he gestures to Soobin. “See? He’s not running a bed and breakfast. He was perfectly polite.”
“You’re such an enabler.” Kai points out but he’s smiling too, so Beomgyu knows he isn’t actually judging. “No, really. You’re the reason he’s so spoiled.”
“Hey!”
Yeonjun shrugs, unconcerned. “No, I’m the reason he maintains his standards and doesn’t lower them. Isn’t that right?” His arm reaches across the floor to where Beomgyu is curled around a cushion and slaps his knee with difficulty. Yeonjun has to scoot ungracefully across the floor to cross the few inches between his fingers and Beomgyu. “Tell them, Beomgyu-ah.”
Yeonjun is the part responsible for the other half of Beomgyu’s antics. If Beomgyu looked up the word ‘enabler’ in the dictionary, there is an image of Choi Yeonjun plastered there. All of Beomgyu’s ideas are met with encouraging smiles and a Fuck-It attitude that shouldn’t be applied to Beomgyu, but he appreciates nonetheless. It’s his favorite thing about Yeonjun. Yeonjun never fails to encourage Beomgyu to fuck around, and it always there to comfort him when he inevitably finds out.
Yeah, he’s obnoxious about it, but he has never said “I told you so” which makes him the safest to turn to and Beomgyu’s favorite if he’s ever in need, second only to Taehyun.
“That’s right.” Beomgyu turns his nose up into the air, lips twisted into a pout. “Are you telling me to lower my standards?”
“I hate that there’s two of you.” Soobin mutters.
Taehyun giggles again. “You introduced them, though.”
“And I’ve regretted it ever since.”
Like a mature, well-adjusted adult, Beomgyu sticks out his tongue and puts all the force he can into chucking a cushion directly at Soobin’s head, which he hastily slaps away before it could hit him properly. Yeonjun decides to take the more direct and most obnoxious route: he stands up with a roll of his eyes and approaches Soobin rather menacingly, and then proceeds to take Soobin’s cheeks in both hands and aggressively rub harsh circles onto his face. Soobin’s sputtering is nearly inaudible over the sound of Yeonjun’s exaggerated coos and awes over Soobin’s grumpy face. It’s not until Soobin retaliates by tickling Yeonjun’s ribs that he stops, shrieking violently.
Soobin doesn’t get a chance to breath. Yeonjun’s fight or flight response is firmly set to Fight, and his self-proclaimed cuteness aggression feeds into that response. The discarded pillow Beomgyu had thrown at Soobin is suddenly wielded in Yeonjun’s hands, and it’s Soobin’s turn to shriek as the cushion is viciously smacked over the top of Soobin’s hair.
“That’s fucking cheating!” Yeonjun yells, each word punctuated with another slap of the plush weapon in his hand. Soobin is laughing by the end of it, his hair floating up from the static shock of the cushion, and Heuningkai’s laughter is filling the room. Beomgyu watches the way Yeonjun flops himself on top of Soobin, huffing and tired from his bout of violence, with a fond roll of his eyes.
So dramatic.
“Get off.” Soobin grumbles. “You’re heavy.”
“Work out more and I wouldn’t be.”
The offended twist of Soobin’s expression brings a cackle to Beomgyu’s lips. He shoves Yeonjun off of him hard, not bothering to pretend to be sympathetic when Yeonjun flops onto the ground with a whine, his hair falling around his head as he goes limp.
“Oh shit, is he dead?” Kai stands up, alarmed.
“Yes.” Complains Yeonjun from the ground, surprisingly lucid for a dead man. “Soobin killed me.”
Soobin rolls his eyes. Kai, sweet, sweet Kai who has always had a particularly soft spot for Yeonjun, tries his best to help Yeonjun up. He grabs the elder’s arm and gets him sitting vertical for all of one second because Yeonjun has made himself limp. He flops back down to the ground when Kai inevitably gives up.
“On second thought.” Taehyun says, crouching down beside Yeonjun and poking the top of his head with a face-scrunching grin. “I think we enable Yeonjun-hyung too much.”
“Agreed.” Says Kai, arguably the biggest offender.
Yeonjun blows a raspberry from the ground, setting everyone off in a fit of giggles.
Beomgyu adores his friends.
iii
Scratch that: Beomgyu hates his friends. He hates every single one of those vicious, backstabbing little demons. It’s Beomgyu alone against the world, because he’s the only one who has his own back.
Taehyun’s betrayal stings the most. Beomgyu’s ex-best friend betrays him by laughing that stupid, squeaky laugh of his so hard that he doubles over and stumbles around, trying to get his breath back.
It’s offensive. It’s betrayal of the worst kind. Lucifer betraying God looked like a petty little disagreement compared to the stomach churning, gut twisting, digging of the knife in Beomgyu’s back of a betrayal.
If it had been Soobin, he wouldn’t have cared. As much as Soobin loves him, he will always love making fun of Beomgyu more, which is fine because making fun of Soobin is also one of Beomgyu’s Top Ten Favorite Passtimes. If it were Kai laughing, Beomgyu would have been reluctantly tolerant. Hell, if it had been Yeonjun cackling over his plight, Beomgyu wouldn’t have done more than throw a shoe at him, or maybe even a towel to shut him up because Yeonjun just likes to watch people struggle. He’s sadistic like that.
Taehyun, though? Taehyun, who has been Beomgyu’s best friend from the second the younger man had agreed to carry Beomgyu on his back across campus because he’d twisted his ankle going down the stairs to the quad? Taehyun, who Beomgyu has helped study for his exams and received the most grateful hugs in return?
Taehyun laughing is unacceptable.
He’s supposed to be the supportive, reasonable friend in their half-assed pack of bastards. He is Beomgyu’s last thread of impulse control. Taehyun is the soft voice of reason to Beomgyu’s shrill bullshit, and the one Beomgyu has never felt uncomfortable coming to if he needs advice or a friend, because Taehyun would never make fun of him. If there was an award for good friends, Taehyun would come home with a sweep of trophies earned from defending his “Homie of the Year” position.
Beomgyu is going to revoke those trophies.
When Beomgyu had rolled himself up in a large fuzzy blanket, he had braced himself and said through a mouthful of food: “I’m swearing off alphas. I’ve faked too many orgasms and I’m sick of it.”
The way the other three had immediately ripped into him had been expected, hence the fuzzy emotional support blanket. He’s anticipated and even planned for it. Beomgyu had turned to Taehyun to exchange the meaningful look of sympathy as usual over his plight, and he was met with Taehyun covering his face, shoulders shaking. Laughing.
He had joined the others.
How dare he?
“Listen here, you little shit.” Beomgyu threats with a cushion held menacingly over Taehyun’s giggling head. He’d launched himself halfway across the living room at the first sight of giggles, looming over Taehyun on the couch. “You don’t get to laugh at me when you don’t know the struggle!”
“All I said—” Taehyun gasps, his arms coming up to protect his face as Beomgyu starts attacking. His laugh gets squeakier. “—All I said was that you have shit taste in men when you’re horny!”
“And then you laughed at me!” A particularly rough slap of the cushion sends Taehyun stumbling over the side of the couch with a sharp scream that immediately turns into a wheezy cackle. “Stop laughing!”
“I can’t!” Poor Taehyun can barely breath from his position on the floor, curled up and covering his head. “I can’t! You had to fake—”
“Shut!”
“—And then cuddle with his knot still—”
Beomgyu throws himself onto Taehyun, wrestling him down and pulling his arms away from his face. If that’s where Taehyun wants to protect, that’s the first place Beomgyu will demolish. It wouldn’t have worked if Taehyun hadn’t been weakened by his giggling fit. Beomgyu is well aware that Taehyun is unreasonably strong from his hours in the gym, despite what his appearance might give off. He’s seen how much those biceps of his could lift firsthand, cheering for him from the sidelines in the gym. Taehyun is too busy trying to get air back in his lungs to properly fight Beomgyu off, and Beomgyu has never been above exploiting any and all weaknesses.
“—Inside you!” Taehyun finishes moments before Beomgyu smothers him with the cushion. Taehyun is still laughing, muffled by the plush murder weapon, and Beomgyu briefly feels bad for his downstairs neighbors because they’re about to be unwilling witnesses to a murder.
“Okay, that’s enough. Let poor Taehyunie up.” Soobin tries to appease, using his ‘Beomgyu, let’s be reasonable’ voice that never actually works on making Beomgyu even the slightest bit reasonable. “He’s seen the error of his ways.”
Beneath Beomgyu, Taehyun muffled shout drags a long suffering sigh out of Soobin. “They tried to silence me because I was saying the truth!”
“Die.” Beomgyu hisses, smacking the top of the cushion and smushing it down harder.
That’s when Taehyun decides it’s time to start fighting back. He twists his body to try to dislodge Beomgyu’s stubborn weight off him. He’s still shaking with laughter so it isn’t as effective as intended, and anyway, Beomgyu is squirmier than people give him credit for. It takes more than a little half-assed wiggling to dislodge him if he doesn’t want to be moved.
“Okay, okay.” Yeonjun gets up from the sofa with a huff. “Even you can’t pull off a prison uniform, Beoms.”
“I’ll only be caught if one of you snitches.”
“You’d make Kai live with the guilt of witnessing your first murder?” Yeonjun insists. “You’d make him a murder accessory?”
Beomgyu falters but then he steels his resolve. “Kai is a big boy. He can handle it.”
“Um.” Says Kai. “I’d actually rather not witness a murder, thank you.”
“Turn around then.” Beomgyu digs his knee into Taehyun’s ribs when he tries to get up. “Shh. Just let it happen.”
Yeonjun sighs. Beomgyu has about five seconds before Yeonjun starts pulling the ‘hyung’ card and he’s going to make every one of them count. Taehyun smacks his leg, and okay, yeah, that hurts a little and Beomgyu tears up a little, but he has a betrayal to avenge.
“Up you go.” Yeonjun says from behind Beomgyu, and next thing he knows, there is a fuzzy blanket tossed over his head and quickly wrapped around him. A set of arms wiggle under his armpits, pulling him up easily. Beomgyu is too stunned by the warmth and sudden darkness of the blanket to fight the hold.
Beomgyu is already being tossed onto the soft couch cushions by the time he realizes that he has essentially been scruffed like a misbehaving cat.
He pops his head out of the blanket, blinking at Yeonjun. “What the fuck?”
Yeonjun picks up his noodles and slurps a large portion down like the crime he’s committed in picking up Beomgyu means nothing. “What?”
“Did you just burrito me? Like a kitten?” Beomgyu is not pouting. He is offended and he is glaring, and the jut of his lips has absolutely nothing to do with a pout. Anyone who says otherwise is trying to start a slander campaign against him.
“Yeah.” Yeonjun shrugs, like it really is nothing, like picking up Beomgyu was nothing. He narrows his eyes at Yeonjun. “What? You bite. I took proper precautions.”
Taehyun fucking laughs again.
“No.” Soobin warns Beomgyu when he whirls on Taehyun, struggling to unroll himself from the blanket-burrito. Taehyun was already prepared though, holding up a cushion. Beomgyu reluctantly backs down from round two.
It’s not like he wants to fight an armed target anyway.
“I do not bite.” He snaps.
“Yes, you do.” His friends say in unison.
“Fuck you guys.”
The traitors laugh, and then Soobin says, “So…Back to you faking your orgasm mid-heat.”
Beomgyu stabs his chopsticks into his takeout bowl so hard there’s a ringing in the air. It has nothing to do with the way his face is feeling very hot and there’s a churning in his stomach. It’s just his memories of how frustrating the second wave of his heat had been.
“Not if you’re going to make fun of me.” Beomgyu grumbles.
Here’s the thing: Beomgyu knows that he’s a dramatic person. He is aware that he had a big personality and he likes to make it even bigger. Beomgyu is all broad gestures, easy smiles, and shamelessly loud blurted out thoughts. He enjoys being the life of the party—Beomgyu likes being the reason people smile, always cracking jokes among his friends and throwing himself into the arms of any willing victims to his cuddles. He whines and complains to anyone listening about anything and everything, makes a big deal out of insignificant details when he’s bored enough. Like Beomgyu has been told: He’s kind of a lot.
This isn’t the first time Beomgyu has complained about unsatisfactory heat partners. It’s an inevitable consequence of taking a partner every couple of months for his heats. Since he hasn’t spent a heat alone in years, Beomgyu knows that realistically speaking, not everyone he takes to bed is going to be a good time. He’d made his peace with it, and it has never bothered him to have his friends playfully jab at his plights.
If anything, it had comforted Beomgyu to be able to laugh about these things so easily with his friends.
This time though, Beomgyu feels a little too exposed for the teasing. His skin too raw and sensitive for his body, the lingering traces of shame and humiliation crawling under his skin like bugs. It hasn’t even been 8 hours since he had kicked the nameless alpha out of his apartment, and it still smells vaguely like pine even though Beomgyu had aired it out properly and lit candles specifically meant to mask scents around the apartment. It might just be his sensitive nose tricking him into thinking that the sharp smell from the past week is still haunting him.
Beomgyu hasn’t had to fake an orgasm since he was fifteen and fumbling with the zipper of a classmate’s pants behind the bleachers, terrified of being caught but too caught up in the thrill of it all to want to stop. His classmate has finished quickly, going boneless against Beomgyu in the corner they’d tucked themselves into, but Beomgyu just…hadn’t. Uncomfortably close and not nearly close enough, Beomgyu had tried, he tried so hard to reach that blissful slice of euphoria, closing his eyes and focusing on the hand on his dick and the sting of sea-salt in his nose.
Too long passed with Beomgyu becoming more and more frustrated with himself, and in the end Beomgyu just wanted the experience to be over. So, he faked it, and swayed just like his partner had done, and had answered with a convincing, “Yes” when asked if he had finished, too.
Since then, Beomgyu had always been able to find way to finish himself off with even the worst of partners, not fond of repeating that ordeal.
This time, he couldn’t. This time, nothing Beomgyu did, nothing the alpha did, would let Beomgyu teeter over the edge. Not even the sudden increase of hormones had given Beomgyu a hand.
“Sorry.” Yeonjun is the first one to apologize, meeting Beomgyu’s eyes and immediately understanding that something must have soured his mood. He isn’t laughing anymore. Yeonjun has even set down his food, giving Beomgyu his full attention. “We’ll stop. Talk to us.”
A chorus of sincere apologies and encouragement follow his statement, drawing a shy smile out of Beomgyu. He hides it in his bowl of ramen, slurping up the noodles noisily. “I just…I’ve never had to do that before during my heats. Ever. It’s usually a lot…easier, during them. You know?” He gestures vaguely at nothing, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “You know how it is, right? The wind could blow and I’m halfway there.”
Soobin laughs at his joke, making Beomgyu a little braver. They aren’t making fun of him, like they promised.
“And this time you couldn’t.” Taehyun says, drawing the conclusions kindly. “And it’s upsetting you.”
Beomgyu shrugs. “This time I couldn’t. I don’t know why.” He shakes his head to clear it. “I just wish I knew why! It’s bothering me. Its so stupid that I—That I had to fake it, you know?!” He huffs and winds himself up to a full body whine. “I was so fucking horny I was begging for it which is already embarrassing enough, and then when I get it I wasn’t able to come! That’s…literally the worst! I can’t believe that I—”
Kai gently takes the remains of his ramen from his shaking hands. He has worked himself up too much to care. Maybe it’s the remains of his heat taking its toll on him, but Beomgyu realizes just how bothered he really is now. This has never happened to Beomgyu before, and it’s humiliating. The way he had to dig into his memory to remember what he sounded like when he comes mid-cycle just to mimic it convincingly leaves Beomgyu burning with shame, and anger.
Underneath that, his anxiety rears it’s ugly head, eating away at him. Was there something wrong with Beomgyu?
“Aw, Beoms.” Yeonjun says softly. He scoots over to rub Beomgyu’s lower back, right where Beomgyu has been steadily ignoring the soreness. “Let it out, buddy. That mean, mean alpha has you all kinds of fucked up, doesn’t he?”
“Hyung!” Kai hisses. “Don’t make fun—”
Beomgyu laughs. “Shut up, hyung. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is.”
Soobin catches on quickly to whatever Yeonjun is playing. He puckers his lips into an exaggerated pout. “No, no, it’s a big deal. The biggest deal.” He scoots over too, having to step over Beomgyu’s legs to sit on the other side of him that Yeonjun isn’t taking up. Soobin rubs Beomgyu’s head and Beomgyu pretends to hate it. “How dare he? One job and he doesn’t do it right?” A shake of Soobins head, disappointed. “Oh, my poor Gyu. You shouldn’t have to do anything during your heats. Stupid, useless alphas.” Soobin pauses, glances up past Beomgyu.
“No offense.” Soobin adds as an afterthought to the alphas in the room.
Yeonjun rolls his eyes. He doesn’t stop rubbing soothing circles into Beomgyu’s back as his other hand brings the corner of Beomgyu’s blanket up to wipe at the corner of his mouth. “You had some food there.” Yeonjun explains and then pinches Beomgyu’s nose. “Heats are rough. I’m sorry this one was worse for you. You really shouldn’t have had to endure that.”
“Yeah, well.” Beomgyu sniffles, his saddest pout on his face. It’s the look that gets even Soobin to cave into Beomgyu’s whimes, and Soobin is the nearest thing to immune to Beomgyu’s charms as is possible. “I don’t ever want to deal with it again. And you know what? If I have to have awkwardly cuddle one more alpha until their knots go down, I might actually scream. So fuck it, I’m done with alphas. I’m fed up. All men do is lie and disappoint me.”
Taehyun hedges, “So…are you going to be alone from now on?”
“Are you vowing celibacy?” Kai asks with as much grace as a bull in a ceramics store.
Even Yeonjun raises his brows at Beomgyu, curious about his declaration. Beomgyu understands.
As far as he has known his friends, Beomgyu has never gone longer than a few weeks without some kind of partner wrapped around his finger. Most of the time, it was horny guys he meets around university that just want a hook up and couldn’t care less if Beomgyu called them afterward or not. Sometimes, it was guys who were genuinely interested in Beomgyu that he would date for a few weeks and inevitably dump because of one reason or another. His longest relationship has been 10-months with an alpha that had been so kind to Beomgyu he’d been more than a little fucked up over the breakup.
To be fair, who wouldn’t be upset when they’re all but told that they’re the cause of the relationship tension because of their commitment issues?
Beomgyu hasn’t had a lot of luck with partners, but he likes being in love, so he keeps trying even when he makes a fool of himself.
This is the last straw though. This single, mortifying ordeal of faking his own fucking orgasm is enough to make Beomgyu reconsider just being single for the rest of his life and filling the void with pets. Taehyun looks like he’s having the time of his life being alone, and Beomgyu could do it if he had his pseudo-packmates with him, too.
Beomgyu doesn’t need an alpha.
“I support you!” Kai says brightly, the sentiment echoed by an equally supportive Taehyun.
Soobin’s response is quieter, but no less sincere. “Someone better will fall right at your feet soon enough, Beomgyu. Don’t let this guy get you down. But I support your decision.”
Yeonjun is quiet at Beomgyu’s side, the soothing motions of his hand along his back never faltering. Beomgyu turns to look at his reaction to his declaration, and something odd passes across his face before he grins at Beomgyu.
“Well?” Beomgyu asks. “Let’s hear it. You have opinions on this, don’t you?”
Yeonjun rolls his eyes, pinching Beomgyu’s cheek. “Do what you want, Beomgyu. Just don’t waste your time on people who aren’t worth it.” He adds in a gentler tone. “But I do agree with Soobin. Someone perfect for you is out there. You just have to lure the dumbass out of his hiding place and then you can live out the romcom of your dreams.”
Beomgyu takes everything back: he loves his friends.